motherhood is easy when everything goes just right.
but it doesn’t. it’s the “doesn’t” times when i really feel like i’m a good mom.
today was a “doesn’t,” a “lemons”…a “how-am-i-going-to-get-through-this-day” kind of day. i had one of those sinus headaches where you just want to stab a needle into the hollow above your cheeks and drain the crap you know dwells there (i know, disgusting), and cubby is breaking molars that i’m expecting to come in shaped like saw-tooth daggers the way she’s hurting. my normally happy girl has been crying on and off all day, biting hard on anything she sees, wanting to be held constantly, throwing anything i give her on the floor (charming), etc.
so, it’s easy to get frustrated…to think i can’t do it.
but then i see it as a challenge…these are the opportunities i can prove to myself (and to her) that i am a fantastic mom. i envision my supermom cape (mine is royal blue, in case you wondered…with an “M” embroidered in gold thread), and i go above and beyond to do it right…to love her, to kiss her little blond head when she throws the teething ring i thought would soothe her on the floor in a fit of tears and tell her i’m sorry. that i love her. regardless of the tears and the whining.
we got through this day. cubby is sleeping, dinner’s in the oven, i’m one sudafed away from falling asleep, and i feel like i did it (without crying too!).
oh, and yes…we managed to catch a few smiles despite the tears today…
(i’ve learned her real smile is when her little almond eyes squint into tiny little slits…and it’s just a mess of creases and teeth. i.e.: bottom left square. that’s when she’s really happy. pure delight.)
the supermom cape is folded away for another day…(say, when she’s 13 and thinks i’m seriously dumb) …and there’s a dvr’d episode of ‘deadliest catch’ waiting for b and i tonight. the headache is fading, and really…it’s not so bad.