Fueling Moments

There are two kind of moments in life…Filler and Fueling.

I write about the fueling a lot. The Isle of Capris, the putting up the Christmas trees, the gathering of friends to sip wine, watch a sunset, kiss each others’ babies.

But, then there are the filler. Like scrubbing the toilet, crying on a shoulder, a bad night of sleep and waking up to take care of babies with nothing but a big fat “I can rally” to get you through the day.

Today was a bit of the latter. Nothing outstanding, nothing horrible, just filler. And, after a tired rallying-through-it day, come late afternoon, I tripped over a play cash register and landed on the couch where I burrowed between two cushions to feed my hungry girl. Somewhere between her chorus of breathe, suck and swallow and watching Lainey try to wear three skirts at once, I felt the burning desire to find my fuel.

And so I chose to run. Again. As filler would have it, I couldn’t find my tennis shoes. I dug through the deep piles of crap in the abyss I call a closet only to scratch my arm on a broken hanger and come up empty handed.

But, I did find an old pair of weird crossovers that look like men’s bowling shoes. They feel like bricks on my feet and look really funny with ankle socks and running shorts, but they do the job. In that charlie-horse-bad-arch-support kind of way.

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The filler has its place. It is the reality of life. We work, pay bills, clean house and wipe runny noses. We lose our patience, say things we don’t mean and feel inadequate for what we don’t accomplish.

Sometimes we cry, say sorry, regret things or wish we could escape *this* moment.

Oh, but the Fueling. I live for the fueling. And when it doesn’t come soon enough on its own, I bring it.

I brought it tonight. I felt it on my run. Breathing deep, timing my feet appropriately with my steady pulse, aware of nothing more than that very moment and the anthem that was driving my motivation.

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And, in that short run, I sorted it all out…to the point where I wanted to jump out in the middle of the street, stopping traffic in my man-ish shoes and singing something loud and crazy…crazy enough where people would climb out of their cars and sing with me because it was that good.

Yeah, it was fueling.

Upon my return…

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yes, I let my kid chew on leaves.

Tonight, while I folded laundry from the couch and fired off bedtime routine commands, I was also planning where the Christmas tree is going to go this year. I decided colored lights instead of clear. And I made a mental note to buy firewood because the first fire of the season is going to be here before we know it.

There’s a cold front coming. And a huge box full of Michigan leaves shipped out today. You know what that means?

Fueling Moments.

In the meantime, all that filler? Sometimes, if you look hard enough, you’ll realize it’s not just filler.

No, there’s so much fuel there too.

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In anticipation of what I know will be an incredible fueling moment this weekend with our Buddy Walk, I’d like to thank you again for your support in everything you, as readers, have done since January to support Down syndrome awareness. We finally have a fundraising page up for Nella’s Rockstars. (and button to the right) We are so appreciative of your support.

Check out our story among the many other beautiful ones as well on My Great Story at NDSS (Look for “Transformation” in the Family category).

I think a lot about the fueling moments. The thought alone of them is what carries me through the thickest filler, knowing that just around the corner there will soon be a night when candles flicker and music echoes and I pat the back of a sleeping baby over my shoulder in a lively kitchen where friends are gathered. There are tears and there is laughter and there is that moment when I think to myself, “This? This right here? This is fuel.” We create our own fuel, you know. And I am off to find mine. It’s in the everyday.

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Find your fuel.

Comments

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  1. I sooo needed this post today.

  2. This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today…right now…in this moment. If I didn’t know better, I’d SWEAR you wrote this just for me. ANd I’m so gonna pretend that you did. So thanks, Kelle.

  3. Oh Kelle, we must be kindred spirits…. So often, I click on your blog and the music you have selected is one of my very favorites, like tonight.
    Fuel yourself sister!

  4. Oh…. what a great post! So inspiring…

  5. Kelle,
    I have been reading your blog for months now and have fallen for you and your precious family. Thank you for opening up and sharing. You are an inspiration to women everywhere. You aren’t trying to be someone your not, no, you are just you and that is so utterly perfect. It is so rare to find people as truly honest and pure as you.
    Chelsea
    PS-love the bowling shoes….i laughed out loud thinking of you running in those. :)

  6. “Nella’s Rockstars”…I love it.

  7. woooo! I just came to let the music play in the background while I write my own blog and WHAM! A new post! So I am just really commenting because I am like #5 or something awesome like that!
    Laughing at you running in 25 pound shoes! haha! I bet you rocked it…

  8. Yes yes yes! Thanks to you I am learning how to find that fuel in the rhythm of the everyday… those magic moments that are just underneath the ordinary.
    Thank you Kelle!
    xo
    Kate

  9. I also needed this! Thanks for sharing your lifes outlook with us all. The girls are just adorable.

  10. Thanks! I am going to go for a run in the morning and refuel I have a lot of filler to do in the morning….6 peoples laundry that I let go for a weekend of family fun!

  11. I think if you sold Nella’s outgrown clothes on ebay you could make bank;) I’d be your best customer!
    That photo of you and Lainey made me wanna cry- so sweet.

  12. Every single one of your posts need to be published somewhere. Anywhere. Just so every single person could read them. As always, so inspiring!

  13. Absolutely beautiful!! Sending some extra love from Michigan… you know, to go along with the leaves that are on their way! We’re actually taking a family trip to FL in a couple of weeks, so maybe some of that Michigan air will make it’s way to you while we’re there! :) You’re an inspiration, in more ways than one. And I love my little fuel finders so much, just like you love yours.

    xo
    ~Tabitha

  14. okay….I gave birth to my son and now you remind me that my running is up ahead. I can’t wait. Gotta find the fuel inside the filler. thanks! wink!

  15. Dude, you are so not running in those shoes anymore. No, No, and NO. You already have a bad back.

    Dig through that closet again!

    LOVE your GREAT STORY. And what a great idea to lay a blanket down for the kids in the library!

  16. A resounding YES to the fueling moments. I live for them, just to step out for a minute, take a deep breath & regroup. I find mine in organizing-be it my desk or a closet or just sorting through the cluttered remnants of an overflowing thought process. It brings me peace. I’m even trying to get through the filler moments with a smile-like having my new range & microwave sitting in the middle of my dining room because the installers could not get the old range out from between the kitchen cabinets. What else can you do but smile & go organize the pantry.

  17. Love you! You’re amazing.

  18. Thanks, Kelle. Today was a bad, bad day and I lost my patience way too many times with my precious little girl I love so much. I called my husband at work and told him I needed to go back to work because the whole stay-at-home-mom thing wasn’t working out for me. But you’re right; I need to find my own fuel instead of waiting for it to come on its own. Thank you! Tomorrow will be a better day.

  19. Love it.

    Simple but amazing.

    oh Kelle did you by any chance get my email I sent you? walker.katy0@gmail.com

    Katy :)

  20. I tried your brand of fuel today too, only mine felt like filler and the fuel that I really wanted was another pumpkin muffin, but it didn’t seem fitting to fuel/fill and then eat a muffin.

    I want to be a quasi-runner. I really do.

    Maybe I just need some man shoes?

  21. Thank you so much for being honest. Real. Authentic. Good days and bad. This mothering stuff is hard work and so incredible at the same time. Thank you for inspiring me to enjoy the everyday moments and be a better mom.

  22. Those man shoes crack me up. Fuel/Filler – the wave of any given day, how true it is.

  23. Tell me….why is it when I saw the shoes, the “Phoebe” run from Friends popped into my mind….somehow, I know you can even rock the Phoebe run and make it cool like that.

    Great post and at midnight-thirty, My filler is full of fuel. Wednesday is gonna be damn good.

  24. ‘Transformation’ … wow, you are an amazing writer! Go team Nella’s Rockstars!!!

    Glad you found your ‘fuel’ today :)

  25. For me this post kinda epitomizes what your whole blog does for me. Reminds me to recognize the importance of holding on to those everyday moments, especially the good ones and that becomes my ‘fuel’. Also reminds me of a poem I read here that often comes to mind ‘oh normal day…’. I so appreciated having family come to visit and celebrate Thanksgiving with us this past weekend, but I also revelled in the ‘normal’ day that came this morning once everyone had departed. Walking to preschool, peanut butter sandwiches for lunch, and a little pretend play with some random plastic animals found between couch cushions. Thank you Kelle; I think you are helping a lot of us recognize what is the ‘fuel’ in our lives.

  26. I look forward to your blog postings. Your thoughts come out so perfectly, and create the insightful words we read from you. I read your blog as a filler in my day, but I get a lot of fuel from them. Thanks Kelle

  27. I love that you are getting a huge box of leaves from Michigan. I am from RI, currently in my 7th year living in San Diego and every year my mom or grandmother, sometimes both sends me a box of leaves. Enjoy looking at them and if you are anything like me…smelling them a million times a day! :0)

  28. OH! you are so so very inspiring. That should fuel you at least a little bit :) LOVE the man shoes hahaha I kind of want some of my own!

  29. nice legs!!! *whistle*

  30. My hubby been out of the country for 9 days, and my boys have been my fuel. Eager to get daddy home TOMORROW and feeling sooo much of the filler in this house needing to be done. Needed this post, and please know that your posts have given me MUCH fuel and inspiration and encouragement.

    Off to clean my extremely messy kitchen, shower and consider entertaining the idea of folding a heap of clothes. Not thinking that’s gonna happen….

  31. Thanks Kelle! So needed to hear that today. Now I just have to remember it! You’re a real gem!

  32. You know what they say, there is beauty in every breakdown. :)

  33. Haha, I SO used to have those same exact shoes years ago! I used to call them my “German shoes” because I worked at Universal Studios and I swore that all the tourists from abroad wore those types. They went fabulously with green cargo pants by the way.

    I am so excited to hear about Nella’s Rockstar day. And your story on the Down syndrome site was fabulous. I still have the October issue of Parents magazine at my bedside and I plan to dive into it soon.

    Sending love from So. CA! :)

  34. Dear Fueling Up,
    Talk about a renewable fuel source! I tip my hat to you far making the best of life and helping us all see a bit more beauty in the little moments that make up this BIG picture of LIFE!

    I fueled on laughter today as my 4 yr old nick-named his new favorite treat (okra) “pickle-beans”. We edged toward half a tank when I turned on some ABBA music and watched my 16 mo old snort like a pig and dance a funny shuffling dance to beat the band. You would be proud of him, Kelle. It’s so good everyone that sees it laughs and just HAS to join in. The tank was full by evening when my six yr old daughter, Felicity, actually still remembered all her lessons from this morning. Watching her proudly tell Daddy all she had learned was enough top make this homeschooling, okra-feeding, chicken-dancing mama’s heart overflow.

    Love,
    Fulfilled in NE

  35. Thanks for keepin’ it real! These posts are truly your best – when you invite us in to catch a glimpse of the ordinary. Very endearing – makes me wanna be friends!

  36. Thanks for keepin’ it real! These posts are truly your best – when you invite us in to catch a glimpse of the ordinary. Very endearing – makes me wanna be friends!

  37. Kelle, there are times between the fillers of my days that I come running to your blog just to get “fuelled”. You are full of wisdom, beauty and inspiration…even when you write about long legged happy people and babies that stretch their cubbies high in the sky to show “HOW BIG” they are. You make the ordinary so beautiful and magical. You teach us all to love deeper, laugh louder and “suck the marrow out of life” just by being you. You are true to your spirit. This is your calling and dude you have the most beautiful voice!!!

    All the best to you and your family this weekend during your first Buddy Walk. You ALL are with no doubt the ROCK STAR FAMILY.
    Monique

  38. I bet you can hear my bell being rung all the way over here in Seattle! I really love this post…Fueling and filling!

  39. I too have come to rely on your words for inspiration. Tommorrow I will wake up and put some good fuel in my tank that is now dangerously low thanks to being sick for the last week and beating myself up over not having the balls to act on a good opportunity that is now lost. :(
    In my wallowing in regret I know I am missing out on the beauty of the now and all that I do have and love.
    P.S. Those shoes are crazy funny … I can’t believe you could run in them! I wouldn’t even be able to walk in them with my flat feet.

  40. P.S. Go team Nella on your buddy walk! I am sure it will be beyond awesome. And Kelle you definitely need to find your sneakers before this weekend.

  41. I LOVE THIS!! 😀 I really must come here more often…

    This. Is. Filler. To. My. Soul! ;D

    Thank you!
    Corine 😀

  42. I LOVE THIS!! 😀 I really must come here more often…

    This. Is. Filler. To. My. Soul! ;D

    Thank you!
    Corine 😀

  43. There’s an old Nike ad that I loved and this post reminds me of it…

    “I lose my breath, I find my answers…”

  44. Lovely post!!!

  45. Thank you, Kelle.

  46. Thank you for being part of *my* fuel. xxo

  47. I should hop out of google reader and comment more often. What a lovely blog you have – and cool music.

    I read Don Miller’s blog – he featured Nella’s birth story many months ago and I’ve been hooked every since.

    I’m at that age of crossroads, where 30 is becoming a memory and 50 is coming over the horizon, which totally freaks me out. Your blog provides perspective- and joy that I never learned to experience.

    I don’t know what your upbringing was like – but you must have been loved well. And if you weren’t, I’m very thankful for your spirit and photos and sharing that even you, need to find your fuel once in a while.

    :)

  48. Perfect time to remind the world that we all have filler moments in our life. But sometimes, if we pay close enough attention filler becomes fuel in the blink of an eye. The following quote (from I don’t know who) helped me transition from “college” life to “real” like- and for some reason I thought about while reading your post today…

    For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin–real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles are my life. And a real life it has been!

    I am attending the Buddy Walk in Houston on Nov. 3rd. I am a Special Education teacher and I have 3 “friends” to walk and cheer and support and LIVE with!!

  49. Perfect time to remind the world that we all have filler moments in our life. But sometimes, if we pay close enough attention filler becomes fuel in the blink of an eye. The following quote (from I don’t know who) helped me transition from “college” life to “real” like- and for some reason I thought about while reading your post today…

    For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin–real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles are my life. And a real life it has been!

    I am attending the Buddy Walk in Houston on Nov. 3rd. I am a Special Education teacher and I have 3 “friends” to walk and cheer and support and LIVE with!!

  50. Olga, the german bowler on lane 16 would like her shoes back. You might as well have run with stilettos. Yes, it is the moments that fuel us. Sometimes they seem to find us when we are most weary. Sometimes we have to find them. And sometimes, they are brought to us by others, ss they seem to come alongside us when are sidelined on life’s marathon…stumbling, staggering. And they offer some empowering words, share a connecting expression or provide a kind deed. And we find our fuel, resume our stride, catch our breath. I’m sending lots of love and a cyber embrace to those who feel they are running alone today…in bowling shoes.

  51. De-lurking cause I just had to add to this choir of “amazing post!” comments.

    I recently discovered your blog and I’m totally hooked. I’ve sent every mother I know the link to Nella’s birth story, and of course not a single person could get through it without crying. My brother has a 2 year old girl born with a serious heart defect and cystic fibrosis, and his wife said she could relate to SO much of your thoughts after the birth.

    Your photos are gorgeous and your whole outlook on life is SO inspiring.

    Thanks for reminding all of us to enjoy the small things.

    Maria

    PS: FYI, I live in Iceland – you can totally claim international fame :)

  52. LOVE IT ALL!!! The words about fueling, fillers and running!! I find fuel sometimes in just doing the fillers well…like last night I changed a diaper while nursing and was so proud. isn’t that silly? but it fueled me a bit, I even blogged about the boost:)

    http://www.thequeensofthekingfamily.blogspot.com

  53. You have no idea how much I needed this post this morning, after a long, long night of trying to get a seven and almost six year old to just stop talking and go to sleep and a seven month old with a stuffy nose waking up every twenty minutes. Promising myself now: last night was filler, today I will find fuel.

  54. Kelle, Thanks for the inspiring words. I can always count on your posts to lift my spirits!!

  55. I so LOVE this post…I’m a runner. Previously a marathon runner and now a just a few miles runner bc life is so busy. I know that filler to fuel feeling running can give you…my running partners and I were talking about it yesterday. How you don’t think of a thing during a run but, man, you are refreshed when you return. The runners high.

    Thank you for sharing!

  56. ahh. water to my soul. been having sort of a filler week and need some fuel. you provided, girl. way to deliver. love it.

  57. I had a fueling moment myself yesterday that I shared on my blog post today.

    I’m about to lace up my shoes and head out through the lanes that take me to my places of salvation in and around the tiny village where I live in rural England.

    Nice post and cute shoes.

  58. you have such an amazing way with words. thank you for the inspiration…and the “fuel” this morning.

  59. The stripey legs in the library are brilliant xxx

  60. Some fuel is jet fuel, some is just plain gasoline! Both work for those filler not thriller days!susan

  61. You are my fuel, you and your girls and bloggers like you and anyone who inspires me to rediscover and revere the things that make my soul burst and sing and sob. And Baba O’riley o o o almost makes me wanna run….. but then not…..

  62. I have 2 sick little girls and oh how I need some fuel! I feel as if I am running on empty. Today, I will make it my mission to find my fuel.Thanks fro reminding me that sometimes if there is no fuel available, you have to look harder and make the filler into fuel! God bless you~

  63. THIS! THIS is what we need to hear & tell each other WAYYYYYYY more than the whining that has become the normal conversation among friends. THIS I love! THANK YOU!!!

  64. I think there will always be those mommies who need to deal with their ‘filler’ as best they can (including myself) and then move on…I hope they are as encouraged by you and your life as I have been. I am posting about your blog today and I’m thankful for your constant inspiration.

    Suzanne’s Blog-Mommy Moves Again

  65. Oh, I so needed to read something like this this morning. I woke up feeling like I was on E….but reading this gives me an attitude adjustment. Thank you :)

  66. rik,
    im cracking up here about your olga wants her shoes back comment!that was funny!
    kelle, i love your blog so much
    you are a beautiful person
    and coming to your blog is starting to be like coming to a really uplifting church, how ya like that- the church of kelle and family!
    tee hee
    i love it here.

  67. “It’s in the everyday”…..I love that! So so SO true! So many of us look for magic & memories by going to the ends of the world to create them…when amazing moments are happening around them at that VERY snippet of time…and they’re completely missing them!! I’m probably guilty of that at times :)
    Amazing post Kelle! It has brightened my day….as I sit here {it’s 10pm here} waist high in WORK & to-do lists! But my gorgeous little girl is snoring away in the world of slumber & just knowing a new grand day greets us tomorrow….is my fuel!
    Thanks again Kelle! You rock!
    xo
    P.S. RIK ~ I love your comments! You have cracked me up tonight with your bowling shoes references!! LOVE IT! And I love that you too can articulate such insight….with a sense of humour at the same time!

  68. This is awesome. Exactly what I needed to hear today. You rock. Keep on writing, Kelle! :)

  69. a

  70. filler and fueling are the ying and yang of life….you have that down pat! hoping they always are even in your life…much love from ny

  71. i love this post :)

    it’s so refreshing to see other moms who let their babies eat “nature objects.” this summer, i think my son thought grass was a nice appetizer or dinner, depending on when we went to the park. he probably ate some dirt and maybe a few bites of leaves too. they probably have good immune systems :)

    Nella is just too delicious. I wish I could give her a big squeeze!

  72. Thank you.

  73. It would have been way too easy to ditch the run without the “proper” gear. Improvising and going on that run with a huge smile, rocking out to your tunes…so very you! LOVE, LOVE the shoes!

  74. Your blog is food for the soul Kelle… thanks!!! running works for me too, it makes me feel powerful and grounded at the same time.

  75. I don’t know whether you actually read this but you know, your blog is my strength for most of the week sometimes. When I’m tired after a week of grueling work and nothing seems to turn out okay, you churn out nothing but positivity and it makes me believe that my life can also be so positive. But you’re never overdoing it and I love how you look at the down parts of your life.

    Thank you for being a blessing!

  76. love that you have leaves shipped to you! I have a sister & a best friend in Florida… us being Jersey Girls I have shipped many a leaves south :)no doubt your photos and positive outlook are truly inspriring to me… rock on sister…

  77. Yesterday was a filler day for me … and I desperately need a fueling day! Your phrase “I can rally” has gotten me through some rough patches recently … thank you. :) As always, such adorable girls!

  78. Thanks Kelle…I so needed this today. And now I`m off to find (or rather, create) my fuel! You`re awesome!

  79. Thanks for this post! I’ve recently found my fuel within myself! My fueling moments were at first little flutters that are now transitioning into solid punches and kicks. The feeling of life growing inside of me inspires me so much! I love your posts! Reading your blog over the past several months has helped me in many ways that I didn’t know a blog could. I’m so glad I found it!

  80. Your fuel is on FIIIIIIIRE! Love it and thanks for fueling me through my filler.

    http://futuredukes.blogspot.com/

  81. What a GREAT post! I needed this today!!! thanks! :)

  82. I agree on the filler and the fuel. Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful life!
    Erin, http://www.thesearemyreasons.blogspot.com

  83. What I’ve been realizing lately, is that the filler is the fuel. It’s the stuff of real life, it is the necessary and the now – and that’s all that that is.

    Karen Maezen Miller’s “Hand Wash Cold” has been very eye opening to me.

    http://www.karenmaezenmiller.com/media/questions-with-karen-maezen-miller

  84. May you NEVER run out of fuel, mamma!
    My two furry kids, Sam & Sophie, each donated to help you reach your fundraising goal! I hope EACH of your readers can find it in their heart to give up ONE “splurge” and donate, too – give up a Starbucks for a day, or a manicure, or something else frivolous! Just a few bucks from everyone can make a HUGE difference!! YOU ROCK! Love them littles – let them fuel you every.single. day. XOXO

  85. thank you

  86. I’m going to work on making this a fuel-filled day…and yes, the difference between fuel and filler is all about perspective.
    I read Transformation, loved it….it’s on p. 2-3 just fyi :)

  87. you have no idea how much i needed this today… right now… i have a hard time getting through the mommy days of filler! a hard time focusing on the fact that more fuel will come.

    no matter what i still hate running!

    thank you!

  88. you have no idea how much i needed this today… right now… i have a hard time getting through the mommy days of filler! a hard time focusing on the fact that more fuel will come.

    no matter what i still hate running!

    thank you!

  89. you have no idea how much i needed this today… right now… i have a hard time getting through the mommy days of filler! a hard time focusing on the fact that more fuel will come.

    no matter what i still hate running!

    thank you!

  90. you have no idea how much i needed this today… right now… i have a hard time getting through the mommy days of filler! a hard time focusing on the fact that more fuel will come.

    no matter what i still hate running!

    thank you!

  91. Hi Kelle! I’m a lurker, but I had to post today. You spoke to my heart! I save this post for my post-run read. I never knew how appropriate it would be! Thank you!

  92. I love this. I recently started the couch to 5k program and I’m loving it. It’s helping me to reconnect with running, which is so cathartic!

  93. loved this post! loved it! off to find some fuel today!

  94. Dig the running shoes. I too let my children chew on leaves. Dont’ stop focusing on the lovely in life, it makes all our lives a little lovelier when we stop to listen. Your blog is my fuel as I’m sure it is for many others:)

  95. crystal!
    i love how
    MUCH
    this post
    refueled!
    u must be
    on clouds!

    kelle
    well
    i always
    hve so much
    to say
    but today
    i have to ask

    what camera
    would u recommend
    for a point and show
    with good zoom?

    i love all that u do
    and share with us”

    hugs to the hamptons!
    xoxo rosa

  96. I love that Nella’s outline is drawn in chalk ~ too cute :)

  97. beautiful.

  98. Your “Great Story” is beautiful, love it! :))

    Thank YOU for all you do for Nella, for my J and for all their “buddies”. Thank you so much for creating positive awareness and for showing the world the normalcy of the lives of individuals with Ds and their families.

    “To engage with the summons of our souls is to step into the deepest ocean, uncertain whether we will be able to swim to some new, distant shore. And, yet, until we have consented to swim beyond the familiar lights of the port left behind, we will never arrive at a newer shore. For some the entry is gradual; others are pushed suddenly into deep waters.” ~James Hollis

  99. Add me to the list of people who desperately NEEDED this today… Oh, how I needed this. I’m going to find my fuel… and then write it down so that I have a “fuel list” to choose from the next time I’m running low. thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!!!

    OH, and I also let my little ones “explore” leaves with their mouths. :)

  100. Beautiful, beautiful post. Thank you for that.

  101. My thoughts exactly. I really needed this post! :) Beautifully written, as always.

  102. Wow! You put into words what I’m feeling exactly! I just didn’t know how to describe it! Thanks for the motivation today!

  103. And Lainey, if Poppa walked by that tree, I think I just might have to sing “I see London, I see France…” I can’t wait to see you this weekend, and your mom says I might have some babysittin’ to do!

  104. looked like fall in the last post…so beautiful!!!!!

    love you.

  105. tears. thank you. just cried into my best friend’s shoulders so acutely aware of my inadequacies as a mother. this is beautiful.

  106. Arrrgh… all I feel right now is the filler. Maybe I can’t afford the expensive biodiesel fuel that I need. :) Thanks for the inspiration.
    karla, http://www.westernesse.com/karlita

  107. Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this:-).

  108. Brilliant advice. Thank you for reminding me.

    We are going to have colored lights this year too. My kid loves them : ) and me too! White is pretty and classy but color…well, color makes life beautiful.

    I love a beautiful life.

  109. I’m pretty sure it was on the filler days that my babies grew into college students and moved away from home to dorm rooms….yes, filler days are indeed fueling days.

  110. your blog gets me every time! i just wrote a kinda similar post yesterday on my blog- well, similar in MY way…my blog cannot hold a candle to yours, my dear! yours is the BEST!!!!!!!!

  111. I too am a runner…and have failed to remember just how important my runs truly are…they are my therapy and my fuel for the fillers I face each day! And I am glad I am not the only one who “fires off bedtime routine commands”…I hope you don’t mind that I show this to my boys (10 and 7 yrs. old). I swear they think I am the only mom who likes some structure in their household, lol. Thanks Kelle, you ROCK!!

  112. I love how when you and Lainey are both smiling that really happy smile you crinkle your noses.

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  114. I so very much needed this today. After a “filler” couple of days, I am leaving the rest of dishes and laundry and taking my girl to the zoo. I need some “fuel.” Thank you for your blog. It is also my fuel :)

  115. Good point about what is fuel being about perspective. I think different personalities need different kinds of fuels. And even one person needs different kinds of fuels. I get fuel from playing with my kids, but I also need ‘me’ time. Something I know I need, but I don’t tend to make a priority. But when I do, I remember how important it is!

  116. Can I just say that this is by far one of my favorite posts you have written. Oh, how I needed to read it. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

  117. Thank you, Kelle!

    Oh, and LOVE the shoes…

  118. The only thing that saddened me about finding your blog is that I went so many months without knowing it existed! Your girls are so amazingly beautiful (I am proud mama to a very-nearly-4-year-old boy with Ds) and I found this post wildly inspiring. I will be visiting regularly!

  119. Being able to find (or bring on) The Fuel is one of life’s greatest gifts.

    That Nella girl is about the cutest little person. Seeing her face always brings a smile.

  120. Thank you, Kelle. Your blog fuels me :)

  121. You couldn’t have said it better, Kelle!! Thank you for this!

  122. I needed this post today. God knows I needed it! We’re in the middle of moving. I miss my Mom like crazy. Wish she was still 4 miles away to help with the kids, laugh with me, telling me tomorrow will be better.
    I hate living in limbo moving chaos and can’t wait to be settled in our new place. You, once again, reminded me to enjoy this moment – no matter how crazy.

  123. So true – filler and fuel. Somedays it seems hard to find the fuel. But truly, those “filler” days, they’re stuffed full of fuel – we just have to challenge ourselves to search harder! Yahoo, I love a great challenge! – Thanks for your continued inspiration – you’re amazing! – Carrie

  124. Wow! This goes along soooo perfectly with a post I wrote last night. http://www.readwriteheal.com/2010/10/finally-it-makes-sense.html. I love your blog; it is truly inspiring and reminds me to live in the moment, whether fueling, or filling. Thank you!!

  125. I love that you find your own fuel. I’ve been losing sleep lately with my almost-4-year-old little boy who has nightmares about bumblebees, and honestly, I am pretty cranky about being up at night. But when I really think about it, I love that my son will let me sing to him and rub his back and stay with him until he falls asleep again. My fuel for the day was prayer and coffee (after being awakened by screaming because bedsheets were wet.) Then I refueled again by taking my boys to the park for the morning. We stopped for donuts and decaf and enjoyed them sitting on the roots of a tall tree. I’m also partial to the fuel of running – I love how a good run helps me sort things out. I’m out there 3-4 mornings a week in the starlight, loving every minute of it.

  126. Good grief, your girls are beautiful. And your photos are so moving. The pictures of your youngest sweetie just bring tears to my eyes. She’s just so precious. What a gift!

  127. I agree. I needed to hear this today. That life isn’t always cotton candy and ice cream. It is laundry and sleepless nights and oh. my. goodness. are we really up all night agains! Yes – this girl can rally – with a humble heart and tears in my eyes.

    Thanks Kelle!

    Tricia

  128. Ooohhh just keep listening to “Who’s Next”. It’ll fix whatever ails ya.
    :)

  129. I really love your blog!
    off to take a walk with my girls!
    tara

  130. Talk about inspiration your words, your outlook, and the way you deal with every day life… I believe that you spoke to so many people because this blog shows us how most of us feel and how we kind find our “FUEL” and that is what I myself have been striving to do. Thank you for this post! =)

  131. This is EXACTLY what I needed today! I forget sometimes that I’m not the only one who isn’t perfect. I do my best, and somedays I just need to know that is good enough. Thanks:)

  132. Beautiful and inspiring. And somwhow I shed a tear, must be the music!

  133. I just have to say that i heart Laniey’s “strawberry shortcake” tights!!!

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  135. Just like everyone else – I needed this today! Have a sweet day from me in New Zealand

  136. Inspiring post. I need to find my fuel today.

    http://www.nataliegossett.blogspot.com

  137. I had a hideous day yesterday, thank you for being a mommy willing to admit how stressful it can get…and finding a way to make it better at the end of the day!

  138. I always love your posts. Thank you!

    http://www.goodgirlgoneglad.com

  139. Hi Kelle and fellow “Enjoying” readers,
    As so many others have said thank you for this wonderful post. I love your idea Kelle of “finding your fuel” and the reminder you give us that often our fuel can be found in the fillers of life.
    We’re all be thinking of “Nella’s Rockstars” on the weekend while you’re on the Buddy Walk. All the very best to everyone involved and I’ll look forward to reading about it and seeing the photos here soon!
    xo

  140. *To MARIA KRISIN – Welcome, from Iceland! Yeah – international fame! RIK- as always, love your words. KELLE – thanks for posting the link for donating – I am sure many, like me, will donate to this worthy cause. Have fun at the Buddy Walk!– your Blog Mama

  141. Ugh, so glad to see that I wasn’t the only one out in this big world tonight that was feeling the same way. I wish I could say it has been one of those days, but its been a month. I need to make my own fuel!

  142. Thank you for this post. It really resonated with me today. Thank you for being real.

  143. Another beautiful photos and stories!
    you are awesome!

  144. My very favorite part was “yes, I let my kid chew on leaves.” I do too…and eat the grape they just dropped on the sidewalk and play outside without shoes and drink out of the water fountain at the park and go to bed without a bath when the day has been too long and full. It’s great to let them just be kids:)

  145. This post is oh so beautiful. I’ve read your blog for about a year after stumbling upon it randomly. This entry captured an internal struggle I have almost daily. Why do I dredge through what you’ve so appropriately labeled “filler”? How can I incorporate more “fuel” into everyday, even if it feels filled with “filler?”

    Your blog has helped me see the simplicity and beauty of so many previously-missed moments. In a sea of seamingly similar comments, I couldn’t let another day pass without saying–thank you. Your pictures and your words have changed me over the last year. As someone without children, you have showed me such a beautiful side of motherhood. I admire and respect you for living your life in technicolor.

    Amanda

  146. Colored Christmas lights…I think you’ve inspired me to trade my boring, white ones for colored lights. My girls will love them! Here’s to finding that fuel!

  147. I hope that box of leaves fills you with the scent of Autumn! What a fabulous post! In fueling mode here and waiting to fill this weekend!

  148. ,,,dude the bowling shoes are going to “jack up” your back,,,did you find your running shoes?,,,thanks for the filler-up today it came in handy,,,

  149. love this post. you inspire me.

  150. Thank you! that is what i needed to hear today. I love reading your blog, you have such a way with words that it can either make me laugh or cry or both. and please find your tennis shoes! lol

  151. Kelle- where is the Buddy Walk this weekend?

  152. I agree with all questioning how you ran in those bowling shoes. Did you just automatically do that quick bowler 5 step and stop, 5 step and stop, 5 step and stop? Were they on sale? You must tell again the story of you and your cousin Emma buying those great sale shoes in Chicago and putting them right on…only to, about 500 yards later, look at each other and say, “Are your shoes incredibly heavy?” and you both laughed until you nearly peeed, took the shoes off and threw them in the nearest trash bin. Yes, your shoe impulse buying is not without occasional fail. Love ya anyway.

  153. After enjoying, as always, reading your blog I followed the link to make a donation. I couldn’t believe that on the first day of posting a link to it, you had almost met your goal already. I surprised myself by starting to cry – it moved me how everyone loves Miss Nella! My husband walked by and asked what was wrong and I told him and he was moved too. THANK YOU. Sometimes I need a good cry, especially when it’s a good warm happy one, and I sure got that today. I only wish I lived closer and could walk this weekend too…..my heart will be on the Buddy Walk for sure.

    Can’t….stop…..crying….and….smiling….better….go!!! :)

    -Jenny in Iowa

  154. Shannon, here is the link with details of the Naples area walk. It is the first one for them, so we need all the smiling faces we can muster. It is at the North Collier Park on Livingston–by the water park. Should be so much fun!
    http://www.naplesnews.com/events/2010/oct/16/35839/

  155. Oh Jdray, we are having a bawl over this too…a teary, cheery, overwhelmed by the love around us cry…and those leave you with a full heart!

  156. Looks Like Nella is going to meet her goal! EXCITING :)

  157. Gorgeous pics! I love the term… “fueling moments.” My favorite fueling moment happens at the end of the day each night. I sneak into Gabe’s room while he is asleep and put my face next to his cheek and just breathe him in. Luckily he is a sound enough sleeper that he doesn’t budge, because I’d be heartbroken to have to miss out on my favorite part of every day if I woke him up!

  158. I needed this today…I barely made it. And now it is night here on the west cost and I watch all 4 of them sleep…FUEL baby…sweet amzaing FUEL. Thank you

    PS Totally go with the colored lights!

  159. Kelle…I let my littlest little (very close in age to Nella) chew on leaves too 😉

  160. I Loved this post, once again some awesome pics. Good Luck for the Buddy Walk this weekend, enjoy it I look forward to reading all about it.

  161. Don’t ALL babies chew on leaves? My one-year-old loves them so much, I am teaching her the sign for “leaf.”

    Aaaaah. The inspiration. I love my fuel. Sometimes, oftentimes, I can find fuel in the filler, but sometimes I could learn a thing or two from you and CREATE my fuel when it just isn’t there. Thank You!

  162. Dude, you are killing me…running in those bowling/man-ish shoes! Something I would do! My husband just laughed when I decided to wear cute sparkly flip-flops (instead of tennis shoes) to the our Ds walks. We participated in the KC Step Up Walk (7,000+) and the Wichita Buddy Walk (2,000+) and they were both amazing celebrations!

    Jill B (Overland Park,KS)

  163. Just wanted to jump on the “puter” (as C says) and say I’ll be thinking of you this weekend on your Buddy Walk. I know you’ll rock it out. Also, glad you’ve found your voice again (although to me it didn’t sound that much different to when I started reading way back when!). And a huge BRAVO for your last few posts: love how you love autumn.

    Also, on a random tangent, I know Thanksgiving is around the corner. I have an American friend who now lives here in the UK and I know she feels especially homesick around that time. Not really sure what Thanksgiving traditions are but is there anything I can make, bake or take to her Thanksgiving party to remind her of home? Don’t worry if you don’t get time to respond – I’ll try another internet search although it just comes up with turkey and pumpkin pie and I think she has those covered!

    Love to you and your gorgeous gals.

  164. Brit Girl, Some of us like a cranberry orange relish with our turkey…easy to make fresh if you can, and candied sweet potatoes with marshmallows browned on top is a decadent dish my mom only made at Thanksgiving. The best gift will be friends that feel like family far from home, and I am sure you are that to her. To greet friends with hugs at the door ushers in a great Thanksgiving Dinner!

  165. Kelle, Thank you. You have no idea what you just did for me! I have been struggling A LOT with life lately, we are dealing with infertility, a few family members in and out of hospitals and surgery. The past week I was just crying and wondering why I do everything I do? This post brought me to tears as I remembered excatly why I do everything. Its the fueling moments, as rare as they seem to be lately, they’re amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    My Blogs http://causesofhappiness.blogspot.com and http://mydogstoybox.blogspot.com

  166. Thanks for the reminder, Kelle. Your words help me to keep on goin’ even if it’s just such a filler of a day. And I’ve had my share of those lately.

  167. Can I echo? I needed this post. I need to know that other mom’s experience not exciting days too. Thanks.

  168. “This? This right here? This is fuel.” We create our own fuel, you know. And I am off to find mine. It’s in the everyday.”

    Amen, so very, very true.

  169. Great post Kelle! And seriously, WHO is better than the WHO?!!!

    Anyway, wishing you and yours luck on your Buddy Walk.. As awesome as it will be, it MAY be a little strange (uncomfortable) at first.

    Don’t think about the future, and don’t compare Nella to who you may meet on this day….just enjoy the here and now, and rock it out like you and your posse always do! Can’t wait to hear/see about it!

    Oh, and funny thing, last weekend, I took my kids to the playground, and just got around to blogging about it. But have to put it out there that I did it first. I SO didn’t copy you! LOL

    Have a great weekend!
    Laura & Ryan

    http://nowimamom.blogspot.com/

  170. wow, you have such an exquisite way of putting purpose to your days, thank you for fueling me and all your other readers, we are blessed by you.

  171. Kelle~

    Nella’s darling little hand reaching for her “puffs” melts me:) Clearly she is lovin’ her meal!

    Susan from Boston

  172. it’s all good that you let your kids chew on leaves…they could be chewing worse…

  173. I don’t know how you do it. dig so deep on days of just filler to find the fuel… to have the energy to run. i need some of that “umph” please. you really inspire me kelle. thank you.

  174. Loving our synchronicity yet again. Can’t wait to hear all about the Buddy Walk, leaf crunching, etc. It’s a lovely thing to be too busy for the computer. xo

  175. Nothing profound or incredibly exciting to say, just wanted to let you know your words help me a lot. From someone that has their own special one who just turned 4, I feel like I should be the “seasoned” one giving you hope and positivity, instead I find myself reading your blog at 2am, when I should be sleeping but am wracked with sadness, fear and worry for my little ones future, and your blog gives me the hope and positivity I need.
    Hugs from Australia xx

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