Grays and Colors

I am an eternal optimist, but I like to think, as a good persuasive argument paying recognition to an antithesis confirms even more the intended point, my optimistic philosophy is likewise strengthened when I give room for what can sometimes be a disheartening reality. I try to balance my self-reflection somewhere between laziness and annoying hyperstimulation, so I hope this comes out as I intend…somewhere in the comfortable waters of “I’m treading, I’m figuring this out, I’m doing what works for me.”


I see the good and talk about the good and my outlook fits me like a well-tailored suit, allowing me to use my strengths and yet paving the way for growth from the not-so-pretty times. Likewise, I know and love and respect others with different philosophies and have had discerning moments of clarity from their sometimes more dismal perspectives. Because sometimes life is hard and reality does suck and ignoring that fact does not give room for the progress and production that can come from those moments.

While progress comes most naturally for me from expressing gratitude and painting strokes of vibrant color where I can, when more painful moments come–and they do–I want to pay appropriate attention to what they can teach me. Sometimes when anxiety or discomfort or that throat-constricting sadness arrives, I want to heave it along like a hot potato that doesn’t belong amongst the yellows and ceruleans I aim to create. But gray has a beauty all in its own. Gray is purposeful too, and while I may instinctively attempt to quickly fold it and stash it away, I am learning to first run my hands along its threads and find the beauty in cold and calm as well as warm and spirited.



With that unnecessarily long disclaimer, I think it is only fair I pull out the gray I folded up earlier this week and let it have its moment too.

My dad tried to keep it from me, but he finally felt he needed to share a rough week he had at work last week. He spent every day visiting a 50-year-old woman who had come to the hospital from a group home, and her health slowly deteriorated until she died on Friday. She was alone and incoherent. She had Down syndrome. My dad said he spent an inordinate amount of time with her. She became a favorite and he spent many hours sitting with her, talking with her, even though she did not understand. He gave her a stuffed animal. But still, she was only 50. Alone, unresponsive, and she did not make it.

And here’s the deal. Life expectancy still scares the hell out of me. I know things have changed and individuals with Down syndrome are living much longer now. I am hopeful, and today is really all that matters–and today is good–but somewhere there is a part of us that hopes every day that, no matter what, our kids will outlive us. It’s a parent’s greatest unwritten plea. And knowing that I have scientific data that increases the likelihood that I will hold her hand before she holds mine made me really, really sad this past weekend.



I held the hot potato, I felt the burns, I cried and used it to fuel me. I am at peace now and am grateful for our very beautiful right now. I will not dwell on tomorrow, for it is unknown and filled with voids. Today is quite the contrary. Today is good. And I write not for sympathy or to ignite a discussion of optimism vs. pessimism but simply to slap a valid antithesis among “enjoying the small things.” It makes the small things even better.



Which is why I’m completely geeked about my spontaneous decision to redo my bathroom this weekend on a very tight budget. The challenge thrills me. And while I actually considered painting the walls a languid gray–because gray is good too–I have settled for a vibrant, crazy aubergine. To thine own self be true.


Life is sometimes hard. Reality sometimes sucks. But most of the time? Most of the time, it’s amazing.


Like these wicked cute reversible bibs? Brooklyn Bib Shop is giving away a quilted bib/burp cloth set to a random commenter on today’s post. But wait…


With the yin and yang of discomfort and joy, I want to know more. While I’ve made peace with my gray this week and am finding joy in a can of Inkberry #73RB, tell me briefly…what’s your “gray” this week, be it large or small…and what little happy is bringing you color?



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  1. I’m digging fall oranges!!! YUM!!! The color, the juicy juice of the plump fruit – pure joy!

  2. That pic of nella in the floor where you can see her teeth is so cute! I’m liking deep deep reds these days

  3. Those bibs are adorable and I can’t wait to see the bathroom make over.

    I am doing a color makeover in our family room and am super nervous and on a tight budget as well. :)

  4. My gray is certainly my mom passing away but, as always, my kids bring color…. big, beautiful vibrant rainbows of color.

  5. I was a nanny to a baby boy with Down Syndrome this summer, and the thoughts of life expectancy made me sad too…I know it’s very different from being a parent, but I can relate on some level. All I know is that we are here, it is now, and we have to enjoy it while we can.

  6. My gray this week? Well… I’m lucky to say I don’t have any gray this week. I often do, but this week has been pretty great with a girls’ night happy hour on a Tuesday, and a promotion today! A day off tomorrow to volunteer! And a birthday next week. It has been a good, colorful few days for me.

    I agree with you– you have to focus on the tough times to really understand them and learn from them. But they shouldn’t consume you. Because that is when you start to reflect the “gray” in your everyday life.

    I can’t begin to understand the fears you have with down syndrome and Nella, but it sounds like you are living for today which is so very important.

  7. My throat constricted at your words because I have 4 boys to worry about and every day I make them promise to outlive me. Is that too much to ask?

    My grey this week comes from being a working mom and hardly getting to spend any time with them….but my COLOR is coming from the at-home business I just launched and the hope that very soon I’ll be able to meet my sons at the bus stop and hear all about their day!

    p.s. My lovely officemate is newly pregnant and would love those bibs!

  8. My gray….well I’m no cook and I had a meeting with all these stay at home moms….my bacon and cheese muffins may sound yummy..but they were dry and blah. UP SIDE: my hubby loved them and whipped up a gravy for them last night and ate and ate and ate! :) Gray is there to make the colors look even better.

  9. My grey this week—I am on a business trip with my hubby and my daughter. She and I are sitting in a hotel room and all I can think about is the mounds of boxes at home that need to be unpacked. She is 8.5 months and I will miss this time when she was little and carefree. So, I guess instead of being upset that we are here, I should enjoy this time with her. I will miss this!

    Thanks Kelle for reminding me that even when things look grey, there is something colorfull lurking near by!

  10. There will always be moments like these, and that fear will never leave you. But, she’ll never be alone and you won’t either. The whole world holds your heart on our sleeves.

  11. My “gray” has been this little cold I have that really shouldn’t be a big deal – but being pregnant and not being able to medicate it is really taking a toll on me! But I know, it could be worse.

    My happy is feeling movement here in week 15 – I forgot what “flutters” felt like. Makes me smile. :-)

  12. Love the bibs!!! Very cute!

    Gray? The waiting I am doing to find out if I got into the nursing program I applied to. I applied in July and they are suppose to let us know early November.

    Colors? My dogs and looking forward to celebrating my 1 year anniversary with my husband

  13. My grey is AGAIN being out of money before the month even starts, despite my apparently unsuccessful attempts at budgeting. My family is adding the colors to my life, though. I called my mother to gripe about money and she made me feel hopeful and loved and gave me the reds, golds, and royal blues I needed to get through today!

  14. my gray this week is being far, far, faraway from my wonderful niece…BUT the colours of my life this week is being able to teach a room full of lil’ people here in HI…AND i’ll soon be reunited with my niece at the end of this week so the colours of my life are just getting brighter and brighter :)

  15. My gray would have to be that my husband is still trying to find a job. It is so hard only having one income but then I have to remember that he is at home taking care of our precious baby and that is the most important job he could have.

  16. those bibs are precious! my future sisters-in-law are both pregnant right now and i would love to share one with them :)
    gray is beautiful.

  17. My gray this week was getting news that my heart is mildly enlarged and that I have some valve leakage. I couldn’t help but wonder if it would get worse and then my mind drifted to me being too sick to care for my girls. I hate it when my mind wanders to things that will probably never happen but then again…you never know. Anyway, after I had those thoughts I got out my camera much like you and took pictures of them. I take pictures of my girls almost everyday and really, it’s my only saving grace. That and spending time with family. Trick or treating…costume parties. That was my color this week in the midst of the gray phone call I got from my doctor.

  18. Beautiful post. The fear of losing one of my girls keeps me up at night at least a few times a year – I think it’s unhealthy to keep that fear in all the time.

    My gray these days is that I’ve gone back to work part-time and I miss my girls somethin’ terrible when I’m there. The colorful lining there is that I appreciate my days with them that much more when I am home.

    Good luck with the bathroom!

  19. Wow you really got me with this one…not sure why, but before I could really grasp it a few tears fell. Maybe because I’m holding my beautiful little girl in my arms as I read this and can’t imagine living one moment without her in my life.
    Gray? No gray this week..I dyed it on Sunday. And I turned thirty yesterday so life is good. Life is great!

  20. Our school levy failed yesterday and I may be out of a job next year…

  21. my grey this week?

    that EVERYONE I know is pregnant (even my arch nemesis) EXCEPT for me.

    my color?

    i don’t have morning sickness. i get to sew everyday. i have a pirate themed baby shower i am throwing and it’s is so much fun planning and decorating for it.

  22. I think my gray runs along the same lines as yours…I have also run into some many mamas in the blogosphere who are watching their little ones with ds battle leukemia. I hate odds. So I try to ignore them. But sometimes the odds of babies with ds and leukemia scare the crud out of me.
    But my COLOR this week? Lily just started hand feeding herself- and that little milestone just took me to the moon and back with joy.
    P.S. Thank you for your kind comments on her blog:)
    P.P.S. I love Nella’s blond wisps..she gets prettier every day!

  23. My gray … in this post on my blog.

    I teared up again this morning as I saw the flowers on my counter. So not ready for the end of this era.

  24. Nella is getting cuter every day! Such a good post. The bibs are adorable! My sister would love them. Her baby is a week past due!

  25. My gray was expecting something big that didn`t happen…and my color is my puppy Leo :)

  26. Hmmm, interesting choice of words this post, Kelle! I read it twice – to ingest it as much as it deserves.
    “My grey” (this week – and for much of my last several months) is pain… Pain in my hip and shoulder, pain in my neck – resinating from my shoulder. I look at pain as “mind over matter” – something that you have to convince yourself to breathe through – something that you feel more when you allow yourself….

    “My color” usually comes from my kiddos, “my time” at the gym (which has been slacking), or conquering kick booty savings on groceries (simple things, really).

    However, repainting a room in my house sounds like fun…but might cause me neck pain. Maybe I’ll settle for hanging pictures on my sons wall – the ones that have been sitting on his closet floor for months now.

  27. I have been reading your blog since Nella was born. While I enjoy your musings about how wonderful life is, it is also important to read about the hard stuff too. Thank you for sharing! After all, if we didn’t have the valleys how could we appreciate the peaks?

  28. I’m struggling to come up with a gray for my week, which is good. I’m not going to keep thinking because if nothing is jumping out and screaming at me, there is no need to dig something up.

    There was a rainbow of color in my living room last night when on an ordinary Tuesday, my son and I decided to have “movie night”. It was wonderful. Popcorn, jammies, blankets, cuddles, and the cutest little comments coming from a 2 year old’s mouth.

    Here’s to more rainbows of color for the remainder of the week.

  29. My sister-in-law’s brother dying of a drug overdose this week. In times like these it makes me cherish everything I have in life, especially my family, friends and health. His death has put things into perspective and makes me think twice when I get frustrated over the little things when in reality, they are nothing compared to a mother, father and sister losing their son/little brother at such a young age. I am grateful for all that life has giving me and am reminded time and time again to never take advantage of it.

  30. dear kelle,
    you are a beautiful soul, your blog brings me much joy.
    your girls bright happy faces and colorful photos give me a boost to face my day!
    thank you for this post.
    it’s so real, emotional.
    your girl is amazing and I can’t wait to see what she grows up to be, I know her life has touched many and I am sure it will touch many many more.
    I know she has certainly reached deep down into my heart and brought me peace & joy.
    love, tara

  31. My “gray” this week has come in ALOT of shades…alot. From a relative running away from a marriage to a 4 foot snake being found in my 3 yr olds bedroom! But the darkest gray is my Dad being very very sick and today we turned off his defibrillator so that when its his time, he will go peaceful… Oh the grays have taken me over this week.

    But, when the day is over, I go home to my family of four and just drink them in because they are my rainbow of colors!

  32. You are such a great writer!

    My gray this week is the lack of communication with Karl’s best friend and his wife. We all get along but I am the one who has to plan and it makes me sad.

    My color is that I get to see my 7 month old nephew George this weekend. I haven’t seen him since mid September(I normally see him 2 times a month so its been hard). I am just excited for my sis, BIL, and George to come over to Atlanta this weekend!

  33. My gray is the passing of my Grandma this weekend, and the fear that I could die the same way, but the color-purple her favorite, was everywhere the day we celebrated her life!

  34. Oh goodness, you just brought tears to my eyes. I have the same fears for my little guy with DS. My gray this week has been my struggle with depression, but my color has been amazing friends.

  35. My gray this week came from worrying about finances and thinking I may have to go back to work.

    My color came one morning when I realized, while my baby girl was smiling happily at her big sister as she danced around the room, that no amount of money is worth more than the moments that I spend with my 6 amazing kids. We WILL get by!

  36. Thank you for your blog, I love it! And, those bibs are adorable.

    My little bit of gray this week (and I actually really like gray! I live in Florida too and by the end of the summer I’m ready for a few gray days!) is disappointment over the election outcomes, along with some unidentified uneasiness about the future….but the things bringing me joy? Let’s see… pizza night! new (to me) episodes of 30 Rock and The Office, and an upcoming trip to Orlando to visit my nephew!

  37. Gray – Going back to work after maternity leave and having to leave my baby at the sitter’s.
    Color – Going back to work and feeling like I am good at something again. My 3 year old is kicking my butt and I feel like a horrible mama right now. I know I am good nurse and I do that job. Mothering is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.

    Love the bibs.

  38. my gray is not knowing what I want in life. I’m a recent college grad with a new “real life, real salary” job! I love my job, but I don’t know where I will be in life and it scares me!

    The colors of my life include knowing that whatever is going on in my life, I still have wednesday night trivia to look forward to with my bests…nachos, beer, and laughs as we try to scramble for answers. Life is good

  39. The beautiful thing about life is that you never, ever know what it will bring you. Do what you do, and keep living in the moment. The times you have with your beautiful daughters will fuel you through to whatever may come.

    Happy Hump Day :)

  40. My grey is wondering if my husband will lose his job this week and my color is the friends I can share this with. The friends that will laugh, cry and pray with me no matter what :)

  41. This was such an honest and beautiful post. I love the relationship you have with words and photos and how you weave them together.

    My gray? I’m going through alot of anxiety problems at the moment and it affects my every waking moment. A few weeks ago I hit rock bottom and I’m trying to crawl my way back out. Your blog is helping me so much and for that I thank you.

    My gorgeous 20 month old son is definitely my colour though. No matter how anxiety ridden I am he can bring a smile to my face without even trying too. :)

  42. My gray this week is that my hubby lost his job and we are expecting a baby in April. But my color and excitement is that we are expecting a baby in April even when we were told by doctors we wouldn’t be able to have kids. I know things will work out for us and that the hubby will find a new job. Until then it’s just learning to appreciate the grays in life while anxiously awaiting the colors. :)

  43. This post made me cry…when you talked about holding Nella’s hand before she holds yours..

    I feel lucky to say that I don’t have any gray this week (even though we are in the middle of potty training our 2 year old and my husband might disagree…actually I guess I have a lot of yellow!)…

    My bright colored rainbow is holding my 6 week old little man and loving being home with my babes and watching my big “gill” being a big sister to her new little brother, it’s amazing and is full of color! My son’s name is Liam and his big sister Lily says “I wuv you Weeum”…she can’t say her L’s – how cute is that!

    I love the bathroom color! And wouldn”t mind a bib for my little guy!

  44. My gray this week is feeling like some of my students are not listening to what I say, and that they do not understand how much I love them and want them to learn! But bright colors were brought back quickly when one of those same kids brought me his full size, not snack size, Kit Kat from trick or treating. My heart melted.

    On another note, I love love love those bibs, being a teacher in Brooklyn and resident of NYC! I will definitely check them out.

    Thank you for your inspirational words always. Your daughters are beautiful!

  45. My gray today is more like a thunderstorm…my Mom who is my hero and best friend was just diagnosed with cancer yesterday. I’m not quite ready to hold that hot potato yet.

    My colour is that she is facing this with the same grace she faces every hurdle.

    Also, tomorrow my husband and I leave on a long awaited trip to Cyprus to celebrate his 40th birthday.

    It has been one roller coaster of a week.

  46. I try not to think of the life expectancy issue, and just blindly convince myself that times are different now for our kids, that medicine, services and social development and stimulation have evolved enough to protect them. The other thing I try not to think about is early onset Alzheimer’s. I’m *completely* in denial about that one, especially since both of my grandmothers had it. *sigh* Feeling your gray today. Know that you’re not alone, and that we all feel that. We’re allowed.

  47. My gray is my job. It is sucking the life from me and I’m tortured by my sweet little one growing up with her daycare provider. I know I’m her mama but I just feel like there is so much more to life and I know I’m going to be looking back on these days and regretting the times I lost with her.

    My color of course is my bug. She is my world.

    Argh! And you chose Fix Me! This song gets me everytime. Thanks for the cry! At work no less!

    p.s. I love those bibs! My daughter has a Brooklyn poster above her changing table and is in awe of it. My mom is from Brooklyn as is my mother in law. We wanted our bug to keep it real!

  48. This week must be a cosmic undulation because the grays have been close to my heart in the past couple days as well. In fact it was a similar post I wrote a couple days ago about this very thing. Hard those grays but isn’t it the bitter that makes things sweet? Hoping the rest of your week is all sorts of aubergine (I didn’t even know that color till I read your post :)).

  49. The gray in my week is a sick little newborn and a sick little two year old. But the color is the all day snuggling we do in my bed. Would LOVE those bibs. SO cute!

  50. My gray this week is that I think my life will drastically change in the new year (for good or for bad…time will tell) and the next 2 months are the holidays, which I love. Trying to make the most of it before the upheaval begins. My birthday is today & that should be my gray but I’m not really feeling it this year. Though I should, 30 is a big one. :o)

  51. My gray is trying to save money to do IVF. My husband and I have been trying for so long to have a child of our own and IVF is the next stop. It’s maddening to me that people with far less money than us get pregnant so easily and we’re having to fight our way every. single. step. of. the. way.

    The color is that I see friends of our who have not been married as long as we have resenting each other and their children for not having time alone and time together as a couple. While I hate this road we’re walking down, I’m grateful to be walking down it with the boy I married.

  52. My grey is being 33, through a few different *careers* and not knowing what I want to be “when I grow up.”

    My color is my beautiful daughter and wonderful husband.

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  54. My gray this week… my hubby got laid off on Monday and we have our first daughter due in six weeks! But when I think about her sweet cheeks and tiny baby toes and the piles of pink ruffles I get to dress her in- everything is alright.

    Thank you for being so uplifting and seeing the positive in life. Even when it’s hard to see past the grays.

  55. During a slow business week, I’ve enjoyed really taking the time to design a window display. Cleaning, fussing, fluffing, and really stepping back and enjoying being in the middle of creating.

  56. My gray is the fact that I constantly struggle with feeling like I am not good enough at this mom thing. Some days I feel burnt out and others I feel overwhelmed.

    But my color is my sweet 7 month old who is thriving and reassures me that I am doing a good job. Her smile makes me feel like supermom some days especially when my husband comes home to a clean house, a happy baby, and a happy mommy.

  57. Interesting that you’re using colors to describe your moods, as I’m synesthetic so I’m surrounded by color, both tangible and not, all the time. My gray this week is sleep deprivation… not because of my three month old who wakes only once a night, but because of my two year old who is suffering from night terrors something fierce. Today has been an especially rough day. But the color in my life is also because of my children, who bring me more joy than I could have ever imagined simply by giving me a smile or saying “I lub you, Mommy”.

  58. My uncle who was basically a grandfather to me died this week. He left me 20% of his inheritence. The gray part of this is that I can already see hyenas coming out of the wood work. I need to enjoy the small things, just remember him being such an important part of my childhood and not think about the rest.

  59. Great post! My “grey” started out grey but turned into a wonderful shade of yellow. I thought that I was pregnant and found out that I wasn’t. I thought this would make me sad and at first it did but then I looked at my daughter and realized that I’m already complete. While I would have welcomed a new little into my heart with the gusto that I have with my sweet daughter, realizing that I was just as happy to not be pregnant made me realize that I am complete.

    And the thought of losing her, absolutely kills me. It’s something that none of us mothers can ever fathom.

  60. The gray – Finding out my sister-in-law lost the heartbeats of both her twin fetuses. The vibrant – A friend who struggled for years to get pregnant is giving birth to her first little today.

  61. My gray this week has to do with the fact that I cannot control how people act towards me or my family. And no matter how hard I try to get them to see the err of their ways, it doesn’t help.

    BUT my color is that I know what God wants from His children and all I can do is strive to be that and pray for those around me.

    Can’t wait to see the bathroom makeover! I’m thinking of doing some painting soon myself.

  62. I love the bibs. You can’t beat 2 bibs in 1!!!
    I love all the sweet photos of your little ones.

  63. My gray and color are the same story. A beloved coworker’s grandson had a seizure in school. He had an MRI and after the scan, the doc speculated that due to the symptoms leading up to this seizure that it was likely a tumor. He’s 7. My gosh.

    Well, the color is that she just called me to say the scan was clear! That news doesn’t fix the broken, but it’s a step in the right direction. Hooray for little victories.

  64. Sadly, my gray is loosing my biggest cheerleader, my dad, 5 yrs ago tomorrow. But the joy my 12 yo triplets bring me is the total opposite of the sadness. They were my dad’s joy too.


  65. Kelle, as always, your writing surfaces those deep-down raw emotions…both the colorful ones and the not-so-colorful ones. I appreciate the exercise of the heart I get when I come to visit you :-)

    My gray this week is that I am seven weeks pregnant. I hate that number. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about a year. Twice since Janauary, I have lost my baby in the seventh week. I am terribly afraid of going through a third miscarriage.

    My color this week is that I am seven weeks pregnant!!!! I love this little bean so much and I cannot wait to round the corner of this weekend and make it to week 8!!!

    Those bibs would sure make an awesome gift!!!

    Thanks for sharing…even when it’s gray.

    Sending you love and lots of rainbows…


  66. Grey makes me happy. While we can ignore it, if we embrace it just a little bit we become prepared. Of course embracing and dwelling are two different things.

    Love that bathroom color!

  67. My gray this week is having my family away… loneliness. But the thought they will all be here for the holidays brings me a smile and warms my heart.

  68. This families’ story (they are currently in Florida) was my gray:

    …until I really understood why they are sharing their son’s story. I think they want the rest of us to not only hold our kids tighter, but to be spurned to action. Do something! Make someone’s life better! Give something up; time, money, your carefully constructed “perfect life” and make this world better for someone else. That is my color. The lesson that I needed to learn this week. The energy and fervency that this family loaned me!

  69. I have been following your Blog for almost 6 months now and couldn’t stand not commenting on this post so today I finally signed on.

    Your thoughts about Nella are so deep and although I don’t have children… yet…your words bring a reality to me and tears to my eyes.

    Please thank your Father, what a blessing he is.

    My gray this week would be the puppy I asked my husband to catch from a house I pass every day on the way to and from work. It was so sick and needed put to sleep. It is hard for me to understand how people can let this happen over and over again.

    My color is my husband, he knows I cry deep inside for the innocent. He knows I see these things and he sheilds me some and helps with situations that hurt me so much. He is an inspiration.

  70. Grey IS beautiful…your grey pulls on the strings of my heart. It’s the grey for all parents, just heighten in others because of scientific data! But I say screw scientific data…because you are living and loving your life perfectly, in the today!

    Everyone has days like this. Kelle, you embrace everything that life throws at you and I cannot even being to tell you how much I admire you! You are inspiring!

    Keep loving those babies each day and living your life as wonderfully as you are!

    My grey will always be worrying about my babies…and my color will always be thinking about my babies!


  71. The gray was a friend’s daughter who went missing. The color was finding her almost week later alive!

  72. Some of the election results last night made me feel “gray”.

    But then…. some of them made me feel “pink” (my happiest hopeful color).

    And your blog, even on those days when you share your “gray” make me always feel smiley gooey “pink”.

    Thank you for sharing your life and your girls with us all.


  73. Kelle – Speaking of color, have you looked closely at Nella’s eyes lately? I’m pretty sure it’s not anything you’re doing in Lightroom/Photoshop, I can see it in three of the pictures from today. Check out the bottom of her left eye (looking at her, it’s the right) – it’s turning. Rich chocolate brown, like Lainey’s (and yours). Making beauty even more beautiful.

  74. I have been reading your blog religiously since the birth of Nella. I was pregnant at the time and now I have my own beautiful child of my own. His name is Braden Michael. My mom’s name is Brenda so we just switched the letters around :) How original, right? Ha ha! Nonetheless, my mom is an amazing person, a great role model, and my best friend and for my son to bear a link to her name, well I can’t see it any other way.

    I guess my “gray” this week, which is a very light shade of gray compared to the other grays other people have been facing this week, is my son’s plagiocephaly/brachycephaly. Mild as it is, I worry that it won’t correct itself. This is hidden by the color that my son produces in one little smile…and he smiles a lot!

  75. Very eloquently said.

    The gray of my week – my 10 year old son is throwing up – not because he is sick, but because we moved to a new state and he started a new school and perhaps, his transition hasn’t been as easy as mine….

    The color is always, always that we are alive and well and together. Thanks for your posts and for making me appreciate what I have!

  76. I have followed your blog since the birth of my baby girl on January 26, 2010. I also have a 3-year-old son. I have never commented before, but your entry today falls right in line with my week and my mood. And it highlights to me how I gotta get outta this funk.

    Lots of shades of grey this week here – close friends with kids the age of mine announcing their divorce, my beloved Grandmother’s pneumonia worsening, my father-in-law’s battle with MS he seems to be losing, a pumpkin being launched through our living room window by troublesome teenagers on Halloween night, rainy cold weather and, of course, bills, bills and more bills.

    But, the wonderful fuzzy moss green color in my life today comes from playing tag indoors with my hilarious little boy (who is still dressed up in his T. Rex Halloween costume) while toting his sweet little baby sister (who is wearing baby blue jeans – so cute) on my hip.

    And maybe this will give you a little bit of perhaps a nice orange sherbet color – my great aunt and uncle are in their 90s, and their son with Down Syndrome is in his 60s. They remain healthy and happy and together.

  77. My gray this week is my fiance not getting the job of his dreams. I know God has a different plan for him but I still feel his every aching pain.

    The color in my life is knowing that things will work themselves out for the best. AND….we are going to Mexico next week! I guess my color will come from my red MARGARITAS!! cheers!

  78. im looking forward to seeing the before and afters of your bathroom, I need some inspiration myself!

  79. My gray this week is the realization that my father whom passed away three weeks ago isn’t coming back. And I miss him terribly. But my happy comes knowing that he is looking down on us and he sees just how full of love our home is. Just as full as his arms were when he was here holding my two little girls. And each night when they go to bed, they wrap themselves in their blankies and I know that his love is wrapped up super tight in there with them.

  80. My gray this week was my boy coming down with a fever.

    My color…keeping him home from school and enjoying the cuddles.

    Your girls are so precious. I love your blog.


  81. My gray this week seems to be ongoing. It has been around for 2 months now and just won’t seem to go away. But I have had many splashes of color that sometimes clash with gray and make my gray hurt more, but then sometimes those colors compliment the gray and then I see how beautiful it all is. Dealing with the tough moments is all how we see them. Are we looking through a telescope at just the gray or are we looking at the whole picture filled with grays and other colors? I am sure we all have days of looking through the telescope. Thanks for being open to us!

  82. My gray this week, is having our taxes, mortgage, and what it seems every bill due on the same week.
    My color is watching my kids play and laugh with no care in the world. :)

  83. First off, excellent photos of your darling girls and I really enjoy reading your blog.

    Surprisingly, my grey is similar to yours. My aunt of 52 years has DS and is showing signs of Alzheimers. My daughter Ellie also has Down Syndrome and I become scared that she will either pass before me & the heart ache that comes with that or that I will pass and she will be alone.

    My color, knowing that my aunt still has good clear moments, that she was rocking out to the band playing at the Fall Fest this past weekend, and watching my beautiful little girl try to cruise along the furniture for the first time this past week.

    Celebrating the grey but always embracing the color.

  84. This was a beautiful post!

    As someone who has outlived two of her children, it is the worst thing imaginable….But I do treasure the smile things….

    And in the midst of gray I find so much color in the smiles and laugther of my two little girls….

  85. After watching a very sad and almost depressing Oprah about a family that lost their three young children in a horrific car accident that made me cry (and I mean sob) my 2 year old daughter woke up from her nap and came to me. She put her hands on my face, looked at my red swollen eyes and said “I love you hun!” Then promptly kissed me on the cheek and hugged me. Then she left to go play with her blocks. That’s my gray and my Inkberry!

  86. My gray this week is the first payment of my student loan, and feeling like we will never be above the water. My color is that I have an awesome fiancé, who will do whatever he can to provide for us.

  87. Hello all the way from Margate, Kent UK!
    My grey this week has been discovering that my son (who is only a fraction younger than your beautiful Nella) has a serious food intolerance that is making him quite poorly. It breaks my heart seeing him looking at food he cant have. He so wants to try it!
    My brightest colour this week has been my daughter (who is a little bit older than Lainey!) only eat the foods that her little brother can eat so he doesnt get upset. What a great big sister she is!
    I love your blog Kelle! Thank you! xxx

  88. Your writing just keeps getting better and better; I’m impressed. Also, thanks for sharing the gray, because without it, we wouldn’t have color.

  89. First, thank you for being so candid. My gray-sitting in an ER for hours while my daughter is given IV meds for the worst migraine to date, and praying the cyst on her brain isn’t the cause. The color-I got to spend a lot of quality time with her this past week while she was home sick.

  90. Love this post. Thanks for keepin’ it real!

    My gray: Frustrated with family drama
    My Color: Spending time with my beautiful boys. Letting the dishes and chores go and playing Candyland or Legos. Those are decisions I never regret at the end of the day!

  91. Hi Kelle.

    My gray this week has been being blue. I’m sure it’s just the pregancy hormones but I’ve been crying a lot!

    Color – I am preganant and very lucky.

    Thanks again!

  92. My gray this week is dealing my marraige following apart and how the divorce will effect my 15 month old son. My Color is my sons Smiling face.

  93. My gray? Being completely overwhelmed and a little terrified by the prospect of balancing 19 college credit hours and 2 part time jobs (and still having time with my husband and family.) The bright colors that balance it out? Someone I’ve recently become close to saying, “You’re practically my sister now. You’re more my sister than my real sister.” Gotta love the love. Also my husband’s beautiful smile, which, fortunately, he melts my heart with on a daily basis.

    P.S. You and your girls are completely beautiful!

  94. I’ve been wanting to re-do our master bath ever since we moved into our new house. It needs far to much work to do on our non-existent budget. Please post before and after pics!

    My gray this week is being in a new place and not having close friends or family to confide in and have love on my little one.

  95. I loved this post. I love reading your blow and I love reading about how optimistic and cheerful you are. But sometimes as I have reflected on your posts and how happy you are amidst the trials you are facing, I feel empty and foolish that I cannot be as strong and optimistic as you are. So this post really touched me by giving me a glimpse of how you choose to deal with reality and move on. Not that you don’t acknowledge the hard things, but you choose to not let it be the focus. And that is what I admire and want to emulate.

    My Grey… trying to finish my degree while taking care of my 6month old.
    My Color… knowing I’m going to finish my degree!

  96. This reminds me of Julie’s words in her post:

    “I realize now that the months of mourning and grieving are just the dark brushstrokes on the beautiful, wonderful painting that is my life.

    The painting that is still so much a mystery, but a wonderful masterpiece that will all make perfect sense when it is completed.”

    Gray has purpose. And I believe that it is simply to make the reds and the blues and the greens that much more vibrant. Think of the first scenes of Wizard of Oz…how ASTONISHINGLY bright it all was after coming from the grays of Kansas.

    Life is hard. But even more beautiful.

  97. my gray hasn’t surfaced this week – for that I am so very grateful. I fear it hovering somewhere close by w/ my sister taking in two foster kids and opening her heart to them (like I did not so long ago) – I am so afraid for the hurt she will endure if they must leave her and return home. My colors? My colors are my beautiful foster children soon to be my own as the adoption draws to an end. My heart aches to read about your gray. Patti Rice is a dear friend of mine (my sister is married to her oldest son) and I know that she dies a thousand deaths contemplating these things too. ): {{hugs}} We love Nella as if we know her!! Thanks for sharing your heart!

  98. My gray is a lack of money to the point that it’s distressing, which is frustrating. First paychecks of the month are always tough to get through.

    But my colors? My beautiful nephew, who I’m seeing tonight, all 21 months of perfection of him. And my amazing boyfriend, who in response to my request that he say something sweet to me, texted me this: You mean like reminding you that you make my life better simply by being in it? You make me smile every time I see you. You make me laugh because of the joy you get from life, even the smallest things like S’more goldfish.

    They’re my sunshines and grapes and all colors in between!

  99. I love reading your blog. Thanks for sharing your life and pictures. My gray is the lack of sleep I have been getting from being up with my newborn but he is also my color. I love that he is starting to smile when he sees me.

  100. My gray this week is my very own January 22, 2010 little getting sick and the ever ending thoughts that if I just did not have to work I could shield him from those germs and give him all the one-on-one attention a little 9 month old could ask for. So after crying about that this morning, I got a sweet email of my little grinning because he determined how to climb our bar stool all by himself… and brightness comes from all the wonders of what is to come! Thank you, as always for your perspective and uplifting blog posts!

  101. My grey this week is that my “baby” is shadowing high schools and that means is really is no longer my baby. My color is knowing I am going to see my second “baby” this weekend when we visit her at college in Milwaukee!

    I love your babies!

  102. Gray has certainly been a predominant color in my life this week. I suffer from fibromyalgia and when ever the weather changes is wreaks havoc on my body. I wake up feeling like I’ve been run over by a Mack truck. And that might be ok, if I didn’t have 4 kids to care for. And two of them are under 2! BUT in the midst of this gray moment and literally a gray, overcast day, came the most beautiful pictures of my family. It was family picture day with one of my most favorite photographers here in Arkansas. Raye Law Photography. We were dressed in beautiful shades of purples and grays! And the sky was grey and the photo shoot short as the rain finally tried to fall. In the midst of all that gray, I saw smiles and laughter and so much LOVE, making gray my new favorite color. Here’s a link to one of those gorgeous, gray moments:

  103. My Grey: Was getting frustrated with my two kids over something really silly. Then having my 2.5 year old talk about what I said for over a day. Not my favorite moment of motherhood.

    My Rainbow: Knowing that tomorrow is another day to be great. To be fun. To be exciting for my kids.

    Kelle, I just wanted to reach out and give you a cyber hug.

  104. my gray is knowing that my 4yo niece has recently been diagnosed with a cancerous tumor…but, she started her chemo treatments this week and is doing relatively well with them. knowing she will be back to her little, vibrant self(given time)puts a whole lot of color back in my days. the tears have stopped and the smiles are starting to come back, little by little.

  105. My gray comes in shades. This week’s shade is an intense one. It is beautiful like the rolling clouds of a thunderstorm, but it is just as terrifying. I found out that I have a placenta previa after a massive bleed that left me hospitalized for a weekend. My son is healthy and a fantastic dancer, but the previa seriously complicates the rest of the pregnancy.

    I’m sitting with this gray, absorbing it, wallowing a little; but doing my very best to give it to God and trust everything will be perfect and wonderful.

  106. My gray this week was having my mom tell me – at the end of my lunch break yesterday – that after her 2nd mammogram, they want to do a biopsy. When I hung up the phone, I couldn’t even say the words to my boyfriend (who was driving me back to work). I choked on them in my throat and started crying. Without me asking, he drove some laps around campus so I could gather myself before going back to the office. After having a day to let my brain consider and re-consider all sorts of outcomes I feel somewhat better, and reading the entry about your gray “highlight” this week, I don’t feel so alone. Thanks for being you, Kelle. Happy Wednesday!

  107. Beautiful post! And SO true!

    Gray: Our perfect little schedule has somehow gotten off track this week and I’m not quite sure if we now have a schedule at all thanks to those darn little pearly whites trying to peep through my little’s gums. Poor baby. Hate to see him hurting, and hard when everyone in the house loses sleep over it.

    Beautiful colors: Waking up to my handsome Baby boy and husband every morning, and looking forward to a visit from out of town family this weekend!

  108. My grey this week (and the last month)is dealing with anxiety and alot of other stuff. Suddently I find myself being away from school for a month and getting help from professionals. I never in my wildest dreams imagined this would happen to me, especially at the age of 17. So yes, life does suck sometimes. It sucks really, really, really bad. And I’m finding it hard to believe that everyday holds a potential for beauty. But trust me, reading your blog makes a difference. It might seem strange, but in a way, it helps! You’re so good at what I’m worst at; staying positive. I’ve always wanted a life like yours, and I know now that I can. I really can if I just pull myself together and start to accept that yes, my life might not be at it’s best right now, but it will change. It will…

  109. My gray is watching my 49 year old mom die a slow and miserable death from scleroderma. My color is every second I spend with my beautiful baby girl and watching her grow. The circle of life.

    Thanks for letting us all vent. It feels good.

  110. My little bit of gray this week was the failure of an important proposition for our school district. The failure means millions of dollars lost for our students. My color is aways brought on when my own cherubs come in from a full day at school. With a 4th grader and an 8th grader sometimes the color seeps through to light an amazing rainbow.

  111. My gray this week was watching my best friend lose her father to cancer. The color came in the hug we were able to share after months of being apart while she sat by his side. She was blessed to have all their final thoughts shared.

  112. my gray this weeke is my little one has had an ear infection and a cold all week but my colour is that she has been so cuddly and I am LOVING it!!

    great post!

  113. My gray is the difficulty in “figuring out” how your adopted child thinks…is it a nature vs. nurture thing?

    My color is knowing that today, Nov. 3, is his adoption anniversary! The joy and love of having my heart swell from his birth once again…makes being born from my heart a double-dip chip day!

  114. My Grey is week is silly and doesn’t seem very important, but I’m surprisingly sad and mournful. My favorite chicken, lady gaga, had a run-in with a coon and she’s gone…
    The color, well…I got to catch my first baby at a birth this week. Yeah and that’s a pretty bright one if I do say so myself…

  115. My Grey is my 22 yr old friend who just a month ago was diagnosed with stage 4 advanced liver cancer. She is going to die… it is an enveloping grey that I am trying to accept. It sucks.

    My colour?
    Fireworks on friday yusssssss

  116. I have never written a comment before and have wanted to many times. I really love reading your blog and all of the inspirational comments you always write. I check it every day and have told everyone I know about it. You are an amazing writer and most of all mother. Your girls are so lucky to have you! I have 3 boys and strive to be the best mom that I can be. You make me realize to take a moment and to really listen to them, to REALLY listen to them.

    My grey; not being able to be a stay at home mom and I really wish that I could do that. My boys are ages 14, 11 and 5. They will be grown before I know it. Today is a tough day. A friend of mine lost her daughter to diabetes this morning. This has made me realize how sudden your life can change and to appreciate every moment you have with your loved ones as they could be gone tomorrow.

    My color; knowing that I have a second chance tonight and tomorrow to take the time to sit with my boys and listen to them and even though I can’t stay home with them during the day, there is always the nights and weekends and we will make the most of those times!

  117. Again, I so agree…with all of it. And to prove it, our last house— yeah, the guest room was a lovely shade of gray beard. But today, I am finding the happy in a baby who is ALMOST walking, a high chair I can’t figure out how to put together, and the fact that fall has officially arrived.

  118. gray this week is working through my older son’s behavior issues, and my younger son’s peak colic time. But through that, I haven’t cried in almost 48 hours.

    the colors? the bright lime of the older’r sense of humor. the warm yellow of the younger’s smile. the peaceful blue of being wrapped in my husband’s arms. and the golden hope that things will be better.

  119. My gray is that my doctor’s drug concoction was successful in getting me to ovulate. For most women this news is great, but for me,I am actively trying to get pregnant at 39 years old and I am damned scared of the potential issues with my child. I know that children will be born into this world the way they are supposed to be. Because of this, I hold on to your blog for a lifeline, Your blog is the happy color when my gray feelings hit regarding the possibility of having a child with Downs Syndrome. You show the happiness & joy but you also show the sadness & reality. Thank you for everything you do and for sharing your gifts with all of us.

  120. Gray—It is my maiden name, I love it and carry it daily. :-)
    Colors, I can hear my children playing sweetly in the next room with new toys we just bought with ziplocs full of change they recieved from a Halloween Piggy Bank at my Mom’s…(People in line behind us at Walmart—Def. not in the color zone!!)
    This was a beautiful article!!
    John 16:33

  121. Kelle, I relish in your optimism! I love gray, however my gray this week is my impatient-ness. I get to test this weekend to find out if I am going to be a Mama (!!!) and I want to know NOW. My color this week, is the same thing. I get to take my first pregnancy test. I can’t wait to be a Mama, so please, gray, purple or otherwise please cross your fingers and say a little new mama prayer for me. Thanks again for sharing your amazing littles with me!

  122. After that story, my heart aches for that woman, for our daughters, for us, and for your Dad. But I am thinking how lucky she was to have your Dad with her. I had a moment this week where another Mom at my son’s school was clearly trying to figure out why my daughter, Maddie, wasn’t doing as many things as her son who is only a month older. I didn’t want to tell her, I didn’t want it to influence her, I wanted her to see Maddie as “normal”, “typical”. But the only person I was fooling was myself, she knew something was different. After I picked up my son and we left, I had a “This sucks” pity party for myself. The next day I was at an appointment and Maddie started waving “hi” back to me. It was intentional this time, and she did it over and over! I was elated!! I recently read this from Paul Daugherty’s blog, “The clarity of life’s beauty is more evident when the struggle for that beauty is more difficult.” and was struck by how true it was in this moment. Here’s hoping we can all see more of life’s beauty and enjoy the small things!

  123. My mom has been visiting me and my family in Alaska. She has fibromyalgia and can’t very well take care of herself, but the truth is that for a lot of reasons, we can’t either, so we have to send her back home to Tennessee live with a boyfriend she doesn’t like, waiting on a yes or no from disability which, if she does get it, will not cover anything more than a lifestyle of poverty. She’s worked her whole life and shouldn’t have to go through this, but the truth is that we need some strong prayers that something good happens for her. The silver lining to my gray is that we did get to spend 12 wonderful days with her, exploring Alaska, and the movie channel :)

  124. Oh, honey, that’s tough! My sister-in-law has Down Syndrome and will turn 34 years old next week. As she ages, my poor husband struggles to accept that fact as well.

    My “gray” is that my son’s school is in constant contact with me because of his hitting and biting. I am a teacher and attachment parent and this pains me. I’m finding color in the fact that I am so lucky to have this boy who fills my heart each day, even if he is going through a “violent” stage. Many women can’t have little ones.

  125. Your pictures are beautiful and they make me smile every day and bring me color! My very small gray is a viral infection that gave me vertigo. There’s a name, a long one. Let’s just call it infection. My color, besides your pictures of course, is that I’m better. But I came to YOUR site today to get some smiles. Thank you.

  126. My gray this week is the reality that my marriage is ending.The one I planned to grow old with, the one who’s friendship I desire is emotionally unavailable.

    Just the other day my 12 week old grandson giggled with me. His smile burst into a rainbow of colors that showered down and melted my heart.

    Thank you Kelle for reminding me to “Enjoy the small things”

  127. my “gray”…missing my husband, who travels A LOT for work. My “little happy” are my two gorgeous kiddos….last night I was at my whits end, came into the kitchen to find they had taken EVERY baggie I had(I had 4 boxes in the drawer) and thrown them all over the floor…my oldest was making “snow angels.” I just had to laugh…puts things into perspective. I’m trying to learn to enjoy these moments with my kids, rather than trying to “get thru the week til hubby is home.”

  128. My gray is facing the birth of my 3rd, unexpected yet not at all unwanted, child. It will place the youngest 2 kiddos 18 months apart, which I don’t feel at all prepared to handle. My gray is knowing someone will have to hear “Not right now” as I juggle the demands of a newborn, toddler, 4 year-old, and a fantastic hubby. I never wanted to be the mama who couldn’t read a book when asked, and I know at some point I will have to say “no” and the dissappointment that will be looking back at me will be hard. But the color is that I get one more sweet face to kiss, head to smell, body to snuggle. I get to be another brilliant baby’s hero as I answer the cry to eat at 3am. And the delight I get as I watch my 2 babes enjoy each other will be tripled when our newest one arrives.

  129. Wow, I posted my gray, but never mentioned my color. Figures I’d come across as a glass-half-empty kinda person. Definitely *not* me! My color is my beautiful little girl, seeing her beautiful smile every morning when she wakes up, hearing her beautiful voice telling me she loves me, feeling her hand in mine as we walk together. There is *nothing* in this world better than that.

  130. My grey this week is the same as it has been for the past 3 months – struggling to come to terms with the loss of two of my cousins, both taken too young, tragically, unexpectedly…two deaths that kicked me in the gut, took my breath away, and still have my mind crowded with two little words: “No fair”

    My colour this week? Seeing my aunts who lost their sons moving on, smiling again, putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with their lives. Their bravery, acceptance, faith and peace fill me with a warm, golden glow…

  131. a lovely post that reminds me to live in the moment and not take a single moment for granted. thank you for your encouragement and insight. you are a blessing.

  132. My gray this week was getting the news that our 18 month old son has pulmonary hypertension again. He has Ds and his heart defect is now fixed so why won’t this pesky PH go away? Geeezzzz!

    The color of life is all the greater when diagnosis such as this are thrown our way. It makes us cherish every moment, every breath, every gray or vivid color so much more.

    And on the plus side, our little man said a new word this week…”Gog”…for the dog…and cat! Made my heart sing!


  133. My heart hurt with yours while reading this post but also felt joy with you at the same time. Both your girls are so beautiful and so obviously loved!

    My gray is a bit perpetual…it’s finances and living in a perpetual sense of drowning in that regard.

    My colorful rainbow is enjoying a late evening stroll with two pups in the lead and a wonderful smiling boy in the wagon behind me. Also, I am a licensed elementary teacher who will be substituting for a second hour high school class for my first experience in the classroom, outside of student teaching. I have been out of the game for four years but I am ready to dive in.

  134. My grey this week is a silly fight I had with my husband. He was at home with our daughter and his phone had died but I was trying to get ahold of him for about 2hours. I was worried sick and drove home as fast as I could the whole way home. I know its stupid but it always worries me when someone doesn’t answer. I yelled at him. And he yelled back. And we didn’t talk for most of the rest of the night. And I felt even worse for that part.

  135. My colour this week is finding out that I am carrying the miracle of life, my little #2.
    My gray is wishing I could show just how excited I am but that others circumstances and reactions lead me to hold back.
    Let the vibraint colours shine through..I am more of an aubergine kind of girl anyway.

  136. My color is my beautiful 3 1/2 month old daughter. My grey is that she has Down Syndrome and I am still learning to live with that. Thank you for sharing your story.

  137. They gray today… receiving the montly reminder that this month of trying to get pregnant didn’t happen.

    The colors for me is looking at the beautiful boy I have and seeing the joy through his eyes! And the hope that NEXT month will will have a new baby in my belly.

  138. my grey… missing my mom. No matter how long it has been and how much happiness you have in your life, somthing seems to be missing when you can’t share the little things with your mom, things only a grandma could appreciate. This week I have wanted to tell her so many things.
    my color… yellow, bright, red and even PINK (don’t usually like pink) my youngest baby girl is doing amazingly well and is perfectly healthy and gaining an ounce a day just nursing (amazing for a very early preemie). at 3.5months she is almost triple her 2lb 4oz birth weight. Just one of my 3 miracle baby girls. :-)

  139. Gray is working at a job when I want to be doing another – full time photography! I’m about 6 months away from my goal.

    The cool fall weather is bringing my happy. I grew up in the midwest, but now live in the southeast so still miss the full-blown fall leaves and weather.

  140. I like the idea of a dark, slate gray. Also, I like the idea of winning a brooklyn bib. I’m pregnant & hoping for a girl, which ironically, I’m naming Brooklyn! That would be soooo cool!

  141. My “gray” this week is the fear that one or both of the identical twins I am carrying may not be there on the next ultrasound.

    My “colour” is that my husband is coming home for the weekend to be here to find out with me!

  142. kelle, so beautiful.

    well- our story is that we actually have held the hands of two of our daughters after they passed away.

    two years ago.

    my days are much less gray than they used to be, and we are enjoying rainbow filled days of great vibrancy.

    we have since had another baby- who does not replace her sisters, but gives us so much hope and a chance to love here and now.

    we are also in the process of adopting a special needs daughter from china- one who was (coincidentally?) born halfway across the world when our daughters died.

    it’s weird how life works sometimes, huh?



  143. My gray this week is my teething 7 month old. Sadly, with all her fussiness and agony comes lots of cuddles for her mama, which I love. She’s a trooper, and thats what keeps me going.
    These bibs are adorable and would be the perfect gift for my sister-in-law who has little baby Piper on the way!

  144. My gray is the loss of a dear friend who died last week at the age of 42 leaving a wife and 22 month old son. My color is my three wonderful kids (7, 6, and 4-1/2 months).

  145. My grey this week is the fact that my parents divorce is getting even worse and my younger siblings are being dragged into the middle because my dad is being selfish :( My color is yellow for sunshine because I have a happy healthy baby, a loving husband and a great life despite the terrible world we live in.

  146. my gray- not being able to hear my baby’s heart beat at our first dr. appt on monday… everything is fine, the baby is just not old enough yet… in a few more weeks we should be able to hear the precious heart beat of my little baby in my belly. But my color is my two sweet babes I already have here with me that bring so much light to every single day! And my 2 year old daughter telling me she hopes that the baby in my tummy is a baby sister. So so sweet!

    Thank you for sharing your grays and your colors. You are an inspiration!

  147. My gray this week.. My lil babers has had a fever since Monday, and I have had to work. I wish I could be a SAHM. :(

  148. Kellee,

    My gray is that we have discovered that our unborn child has an arm deformity. We don’t care but I care how the world will treat her. She deserves only the best and I hate how the world will judge her for something that wasn’t her fault. The color is that I never thought I would have her – ever. Her life touching mine is the color that keeps me going. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

  149. My gray not hitting a goal I had set for myself with the health and wellness company I work for.

    My color is my four year old daughter telling me she needs some mommy daughter alone time this week.

    On a side not my husband works for S-W and we loved seeing the color deck on your blog!

  150. My gray is that I miss my mom so much lately. I need to tell her so many things. November & December are always the worst.

    My color joy is the promise of a long weekend away with my guy. Parent/teacher conferences will be done, I’ll have no school on Friday, and we’re hitting the road! Whew… I need the escape!

    P.S. I really really really love your blog. It’s a little piece of color for me every time you post. :)

  151. my grey this week: having a co-worker try to make me feel inferior because of her wrong, not mine.
    my sunshine: picking up my daughter everyday at 5 and having her run towards me with the biggest smile and “hey momma!”

  152. This was a great post and a great reminder to live in the moment each and every day and not to worry about tomorrow. My Uncle plead guilty to 17 counts of pediphilia this last month after turning himself in in February. No one expected it and we all saw him as such a good, good person. Since then and since having my son in August I’ve been so afraid of his future and of anyone who would hurt him because someone I knew and trusted was capable of hurt. It’s hard not to be afraid and live in fear of what could happen x amount of years from now (I have a post publishing on it tomorrow, actually), but I am constantly reminded that these moments are the ones that matter and if I’m a good Mom now in these moments then my son will be more confident in the long run and just being more confident will help him be safe. Thanks again for the reminder. :)

  153. my gray this week is missing the mountain town that I made my home. The one I moved away from simply be default, not desire. And when this lovely crisp air sets in, it is the only place I want to be.

    My streak of color (a bright sunflower yellow in my mind) is getting to spend time with the friends I have here on this island. Sitting in a local, low key bar sipping on delicious pumpkin ale. My streak of color is embracing this lovely season.

  154. My gray this week is not knowing exactly how to balance my time between my 2 year old little girl. My first born. And my 2 week old twin boys. I’m still getting the hang of twins, and it sucks that my best friend, her, has to take a back burner for a bit.

    My color is almost the same though. It’s the moments when both boys are changed and fed and sleeping on my lap balanced in the Boppy, and my girl props her coloring book up on it too using other pillows and covers to balance it out, and we color together like old times. It’s my happiest moments to have them all 3 close and happy because of what I’m doing. It makes me feel like a Rockstar! :)

  155. My gray is packing away all the memories I have of my Dad into a shoebox this past week.

    My colour is a heartfull of memories that can’t be kept in said box.

    Keep painting Kelle, it makes for a beautiful world!

  156. I love your blog, my gray is being tired, but I have three wonderful children that make me tired and for this reason I know everything will be ok! They are truly my color!

  157. My world was grey this week until turned instantly vibrant pinks and greens with excitement and overwhelming joy when we got our amniocentesis results back yesterday. My girlfriend sent me this blog as a way of coping with the possibilities of all the “what if’s” I was asking myself over the last two (and longest of my life) weeks. I love your posts and am stealing today’s quote “Life is sometimes hard. Reality sometimes sucks. But most of the time? Most of time, it’s amazing.” It’s so true and I wanted to say thanks for your encouraging and uplifting words.

  158. Oh Kelle… typing through tears… When I read the words “She had Down Syndrome” I lost it. Totally sobbing lost it. Because even with acceptance of my son’s diagnosis and the all-kinds-of-wonderful that he has brought to our lives, there is still that shadow that lurks… that the end of his life may come before my own. Or that he might be alone & scared. And that just kills me to think about.
    But she wasn’t really alone, was she? Thinking of your father being there with her makes me smile through this hot mess of tears.

    My gray this week? More a gray of a different shade… found out yesterday that I am not pregnant this month. After two miscarriages & a year of trying for our #3, am starting to look for the place of being okay with how things are now. Cuz, they are really good… which brings me to the color… that right now my two little guys are healthy & happy & keeping me on my toes in all the best ways.
    p.s. Thanks for your email… you made my morning. :-)

  159. Were I as good with words as you are, this post could have been written by me.

    My gray is the passing of my mother in law a little less than a month ago. She was only 54 and it was very sudden. None of us were prepared for it and I still haven’t come to grips with it.

    There have been a few spots of colour lately though… thank goodness for that! We are in the process of closing on our dream house and got word that all is set and we should have the keys on Monday. My husband just found out that he gets Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas off this year… for the first time in four years! (He’s a police officer) That will be a huge blessing as the holidays this year will be rough. And as always, my two sweet girls are always a burst of colour in my life. They just make me happy!

    Thanks for sharing so much of yourself Kelle. Your sunny and positive outlook has been a huge strength to me through a tough and trying year.

  160. “And knowing that I have scientific data that increases the likelihood that I will hold her hand before she holds mine made me really, really sad this past weekend.”
    Reading that sentence made me feel like the wind had been knocked out of me, and the tears came, hot and fast. My Lilah is the same age as Nella, and the very thought of living in a world where she no longer exists is more than I can bare.
    I look at my little girl and I want to hold her tightly to my chest and protect her from anything that may hurt her. Motherhood is so scary, and even if something happened to my little one today, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Because this love, this primal thing that makes me feel like I could kill or be killed to protect my child is what’s made my life so much MORE.
    As for my gray this week – it’s small, but I’ve always wanted to stay home with my child but finances don’t allow it. She cries every day when I drop her off, and my morning are very hard. But there’s a big fat ray of sunshine in my week too….because I finally heard that sweet little word…”Mama”.

  161. My graye this week,,,Cancer. It so totally sucks. Today my Best Friend in the world’s husband should be turning 43 today. Instead he lost his battle 5 years ago leaving 3 little girls (9 years, 4 years and 6 weeks) and his high school sweetheart of a wife.
    Cancer has stolen the lives of my father’s entire family. My Uncle was the last of his brothers and sister to succumb to this disease last month. Cancer so supremely S-U-C-K-S.

  162. You are sooo amazing!! this is the first time I’m commenting on your blog but I have been reading it for a long time.
    My gray is that I keep thinking how I have to go back to work in 2 months. I know, it’s a long time but it will go by sooo quickly and my baby is only 2 months old now. I would love to stay home for much much longer.

  163. My grey this week was realising we live far too far away from my family and that they can’t share these last few weeks of pregnancy with me. My colours are getting a date for my c-section. 2 weeks and counting and my precious baby will have graced us with her presence! Have a sparkling week, Kelle.
    Big love from England. x

  164. It is crazy, your blog today and how it coincides with my life in a way. My Color OR my Gray is going to be found out tonight in just a few hours when my best friend finds out if she is pregnant after years of trying and trying IUI last month! I soo hope it will be my Color, but I know I will be ok if it is my Gray too!! :)

  165. My mom visited me this week (we live on opposite coasts) her visit is over and she is back home, I miss my mom. That is my grey. I love to hold my daughters hand..her sweet precious lil hand.

  166. Tears in my eyes (again) reading this post. You inspire me everyday!! Life is good. I try to enjoy it and take in every moment. Wow!

    My gray…unemployment and not knowing where to go next. We are relying on family and friends to get through these times. But I’m definitely realizing that family and friends are more important than anything, and honestly, nothing else matters.

  167. My “gray” was the election. I can’t stand hearing people say hateful things – life is hard enough without cruelty from ignorant people.

    My color? I suppose I have yet to find it. I guess there is color in knowing that I’m not alone in my frustrations. I just wish that was enough to make this world a better place to live in, a task which seems impossible right now.

  168. well I wasn’t expecting to start crying when a stole a moment away from the kids to read your blog. Oh the sad realities of life sometime. My daughter has Spina Bifida and battles recurrent UTI’s which can be very damaging to her organs. It scares the hell out of me and although I try to live in the moment sometimes I have moments (days) like you described.

    I’m glad you were able to work through it and move forward. I’ll go back and read the rest of the blog later – I’m going to cuddle my 3 babies for a few and live in the moment.

    Wishing you a great rest of the week.


  169. My gray right now is my own infertility and knowing my sister, whose life is far from ideal, has a beautiful daughter. What I want so bad.

    My color is knowing that when I make the trip to see them later this month, I’ll get to soak up the pure love that is a baby. What a great giveaway! I’d love to present those bibs to my niece.

  170. I love reading your posts, such an eye opener :) my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and my grey this week was finding out that again I wasn’t pregnant, but my wonderful husband decided to take me to the beach where we first fell in love for a romantic weekend and that just brightened everything up!

  171. Grey… let’s see… having to study and spend far too much time away from my growing little ones. Color… hubby’s triathalon this weekend is a great excuse for a family trip!

  172. you’re lucky that nella is so healthy right now. my daughter addison is a little bit younger than nella and has already had three major surgeries, a five week nicu stay, is still on oxygen (after nine months), and tested positive for transient leukemia at birth. i feel like my entire experience of motherhood has been spent every day fearing the death of my daughter who has so completely stolen my heart. i have stared in the face of gray for so long that it seems like sunshine to me now because it isn’t black. my gray is my color. btw, i have been trying my hand at writing out my experiences to perhaps help another mom going through the same thing someday, and i find myself totally intimidated by your writing style. every time i read your blog, i walk away saying that i can’t write worth anything…but i am certainly trying. (-:

  173. Kelle,

    Let me tell you about my friend, John Pat. John Pat (JP) has Down syndrome. He will be 58 in January. He’s lived in a group home for his entire adult life and has a large family that is very involved in his life. He’s got an infectious personality; hands down my favorite person in the entire world.

    Two years ago (Oct 11, 2008) JP was diagnosed with end stage liver disease and we were told he wouldn’t make it to Thanksgiving. He was confined to a wheelchair, sent home on hospice, and “dying”. Two years later (now), JP is about to celebrate his THIRD Thanksgiving since we were told he wouldn’t live to the first one. He’s walking again, was discharged from hospice, and is doing wonderfully. He has never been alone. Where friends and family end, staff begins. Given the amount of time staff spends with him and his housemates, they are as good as (sometimes better than!) friends and family. Part of me thinks that it’s his lack of understanding and pure innocence that has kept him alive for so long; he had no clue that he was “dying” and so he keeps living.

    As someone who works in the field (I’m a social worker) and who has sat bedside by numerous adults with and without Down syndrome during their final hours, I can promise you with little doubt in my mind that even though we can’t predict how long Nella’s life (or any of our lives!) will be, she will never be alone. People like your father and myself will make sure that never happens.

    I’m sending this in an email also to make sure you see it. Hug Nella for me, one of her biggest fans.


  174. My gray is our housing situation, my color is… least I have a warm place to sleep and a home full of laughter from children and my best friend and husband to share it with. More color than gray….yet the gray is still there. It’s been a rough week.

  175. My little gray….an 11th failed cycled at TTC our first baby.

    A little color…a doctors appt schedule for December 2nd to look at our next step. Swallowing the bitter pill of infertility, and acknowledging that we just might need a little extra help to conceive our own little miracle.

    Thank you for your beautiful post and sharing your beautiful girls with us.

  176. My gray is I have chemo on November 10 and my sunshine is…it’s the LAST one, so I don’t really care how sick I get! I love your blog!

  177. My gray is the fact that my grandmother is dying and I can’t be with her. I have to be here so my son can be in school, because he’s already missed far too many days because it seemse he’s been sick every week since school started. He’s autistic and I know the school is working very hard to help him, but sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, say “we’ll try kindergarten again next year,” take him out of school, and go spend time with my grandma.

    I see her every weekend, but I am so scared that I’ll get that dreaded phone call at any moment.

  178. Oh, and my color is, as always, my wonderful children.

  179. My grey this week? Worrying that my kids won’t have a fabulous Christmas if I can’t afford to buy them as much as I would like to give them. Silly, I know. I would care more than they would, but still.

    My color? Finding out I have more and more in common with a friend I would love to call my closest friend. Love her.

    And love the bibs! Too too cute! Got me inspired to try and sew my own!

  180. I LOVE this and I love that sweet Nella. With tears streaming down my face I read through your post. Amazing Kel, AMAZING! You are a mama and your love pours outta your heart.
    My gray is saying goodbye to my best friend in the whole world (who was visiting for a day with her baby). I got to watch her baby while she atteneded a conference and then she stayed to visit for a bit and they left. It breaks my heart that I do not know this baby like I did her first one but my heart leaps with LOVE and PASSION for this babe like he was my own because she is the most amazing friend a girl could ever ask for and I would not be a mama without having walked with her during her earlier miscarriage and her first and seconds kids. I am sad we had to move away from her but I love her more everyday and I am treasuring the times I do get to see and hug her and her babies!

  181. My “gray” this week is missing my family that lives 9 hours away….But the color, oh my the color, far outways my gray which is the love I see in my grandbabies eyes each morning when they arrive for the day…

  182. My gray this week has been my gray this past month. I was the one who called my father to tell him that I had found my brother dead. It was not a phone call I ever wished to have to make. But it was what it was. And my father aged before my eyes that week.

    It’s been a month since that fateful day. We’re busy trying to figure out what day to go spread my brother’s ashes as the place my brother wanted is a road trip. It will be a beautiful road trip in a beautiful part of the country. Dead Horse Point, Utah. We shall do this the day before Thanksgiving.

    Then we’ll head home and cook up a feast and fill the day with things we are thankful for and we’ll have to buy rolls because the only person who could make yeast work in our family was my brother.

    On November 30th I will go see a specialist to see if I have the genetic defect that caused the sudden death in my brother. A clean bill of health is what I want to give to my parents for Christmas this year.

  183. We were blessed to adopt two beautiful children who happen to have special needs. My gray this week has been thinking about what the future holds for them. We tell kids that if they work hard, they can do anything. This isn’t really true and they are starting to figure that out.

  184. The grey… that would be the stomach virus that forced us to miss Trick or Treat… and the emergency dog surgery (she is fine now though!) :-)

    The color… a sweet haircut for my daughter! She is now rocking a ginger bob! I could eat.her.with.a.spoon! :-)

  185. My gray is easily the amount of time I get to spend with my little booboos. My sweet Willy is 2.5, and my little Eleanor is 4 months. I’m a working mom. And. It is hard. I am unmotivated at work sometimes thinking about what I’d rather be doing, and busy to my frazzled core at night to make their home as warm and comfy as possible. My color is that they don’t care. They love me and wrap themselves in my arms as soon as they see me. It is my hope that they see someday that their daddy and I do everything we do for them – because I take everything they are and fold it up and put it in my pocket and pull it out at least 100 times a day, whether I’m here or there. It’s only fair.

  186. My gray always stems from money issues. Always. But my little boys are always what bring the color back into life.

  187. you are an amazing strong mother and woman!!!
    I’m very jealous of your wonderful, perfect skin!! you should tell us all how you keep it so beautiful.

  188. Gray is the color at our house right now. We are trying to figure out if our 1 year old has a milk intolerance. Hard to think that we’ve been feeding him milk products for 1 year and his little tummy can’t handle it. Along with that it’s been a long hard heartfelt search to see if my full-time job is truely what I want to do. Having some of the most difficult conversations with my boss and others in our organization has opened my eyes to the care that others can show. My week although full of gray is seeing rays of yellow slowly peeking through. Time right now to go and enough some small things with two little boys that see the yellow rays in almost any activity!

  189. My gray this week…this summer. My older sister died June 2nd very unexpected, very painful. She was thirty one. A wife, a mother of four, a sister of seven, a daughter..and a unbelievable sweet friend. Have you ever heard the quote ” The absence of one person, can make the whole world feel depopulated.” That is what it has felt like to know her and for her to be gone now. I know I will see her again one day and that she is complete and whole with Jesus, but this week has been hard. My gray this week…not feeling like I have enough love, hugs, kisses to fill the void in my nieces and nephews life. I want so much to heal that wound…and I can’t. But, my joy…my color. Knowing that those children have a heavenly Father who loves them more than I do and He can supply their every need.

  190. way to be honest…gray is good too! your girls are just beautiful~ it kinda makes me want one!! mama to 4 boys~ erin
    much love and blessings from ga~

  191. I have a little girl who will also likely have a shorter lifespan. It is precisely because of this that I don’t sweat the small things and I drink in every moment with her. It has changed my whole outlook. And I am not interested in trying to make the square peg fit the round hole. She is awesome exactly the way she is and she knows I think so. This is what matters to me.

    The end.

  192. …grey is the color of the struggle to accept that life often isn’t what we had expected/wished/dreamed it would be. Even though our imperfect pictures can be bitter and pithy and hard to swallow – therein lies the pulp of life itself. It feeds us. It nourishes our souls by allowing us to grow, learn, adjust our lens of perspective. It forces us to taste something we had never even considered trying…ever. But in the trying, we are grateful for having had it. Even if we get it for just a moment, or 50 years, or a lifetime. Gratefulness for all that life throws my way is what turns my grey a shade of grapefruit :)

  193. My gray this week is, sad to say, figuring out our holidays. So many people want us in so many places and we just want to be…and for our kids to just be…and live in the excitement, in our pj’s all day, playing with new toys, reading new books and celebrating us without driving 5 hours to see one family and five to see another. My happy is right now. My husband is giving me a break and he is playing the guitar for the kids while they try to strum along with him!

  194. My grey… Sometimes I have my grey moments when I think about the birth of my 4th child (coming this April!!!) I have had one natural and two c-sections and am planning a VBAC this time around. I tis hard at times to be positive about VBAC’s when the world around you is saying, “plan a c-section… it doesn’t matter how the baby comes into this world…” and so on. That is where some of my grey is laying around right now… but I have to turn it around and make it a happy, positive, sunshine yellow. :o) Which is where I am back to now.

  195. My gray… we did an injectables cycle recently and it didn’t work, and the due date of the baby I miscarried is later this month and I was really hoping to be pregnant again before that. Alas, it is not to be.

    My color – I, too, am planning on a little redecorating, and it’s amazing how energizing a little facelift can be! But my color right now is that I just walked by my son on my way to the kitchen to get him a snack and I rubbed his fuzzy hair on the way by and thought that there was nothing better in the world than to be able to touch his sweet head and hear him laugh at the absurd cartoons on the cartoon network.

  196. I had this dream for my girls. I didn’t even know it, but I found out after Kamdyn was born. I dreamed that I would see them have babies. That I would be able to witness the miracle of love in their hearts one day. I lost that dream when I found out Kamdyn had Down syndrome. I’m still trying to accept that. I will eventually. My ray of color is that I know she will have that love in another way. She will probably love everyone with that pure, unconditional love that I so dreamt of her having. She’ll have it. Just in a different way.

  197. My gray: struggling with career stuff — should I go back to work? And if I do, what the HELL should I do?

    My happy: that I have the luxury to partake in such navel-gazing. We have everything we need, even though money is always tight.

  198. I would love that roadmap bib! How cute! My gray this week is my hubby leaving for pre-deployment training. I know it’s not the real thing but it makes his upcoming deployment so much more real every day. My happy is my 8 week old beautiful smiling happy boy that I just can’t stop loving on!

  199. My gray this week is the election. I’m a proud democrat and watching the red sneak up over the map was very very disheartening.

    My COLOR is that I’m falling in love!!!!!!!!!!


  200. I get so excited when I see that you have posted!!! You have a beautiful way with words!
    My gray this week: My husbands new job keeps him busy with super long hours and he has been missing some magical moments with our sweet baby boy.
    My color: That he works so hard at a job so i can do the job I love, staying at home with our baby! I could not be more grateful for that!

  201. I love that bib! My gray is life in general…not quite knowing, but also really knowing.

  202. Oh Kelle, your dad is such a dear man. He made a difference. I love him for it.

    I adore that bib. Like really really adore it. My little man has been on the NY subway! Let me win!


  203. This week my gray is also my color. The gray is, I’ve been out of the country and away from my home for 2 months and won’t be back for another month.

    But my color is, I get this amazing opportunity to live in Sweden and also spend time in Finland!

  204. My gray…teaching Kindergarten and having so many parents in my room that just don’t seem to care if their child does well. You shouldn’t have children if you don’t want to be involved in their lives and well-being, especially when there are people out there who so desperately want to be parents and can not be for whatever the reason may be.

    My color…seeing my sweet Kindergarten kiddos singing their nursery rhymes at our PTA program last night. One of my kiddos was so excited that he had a speaking part, I thought he was going to burst! It made my heart so very happy :)

  205. My gray this week is the gray that haunts me each week…the fact that I am still not pregnant. Of course, some weeks are easier than others, but this one seems to be harder than the last. I keep getting reminded of that fact with everything I do this week. It hurts, it sucks…but it’s my life.
    The good through all of it is that I have an amazing group of friends that encourage me, love me, and support me in amazing ways. I get random text messages or phone calls or thoughtful words that just make things that much easier. I love the huge blessing they are in my life and the joy I am able to experience because of them.

  206. you have really helped me overcome my grey.

    I too share the “grey” of a down life expectancy. I also am in nursing school with 4 kids and that grey is the missing out of their little lives as i try to make a better life for them.

    the color of my week….when my little Cav with Down said, “light hot” in his whsipery little voice. i screamed and we had a party!!

  207. My gray and color are closely related this week. My gray is that I am worried about finances since I decided to be a SAHM.
    My color is that I am finally a SAHM and able to enjoy all of the precious moments with my girl!

  208. My gray was when some little brat, I mean, boy, picked on Noah on the bus. My gray was also the Christmas lists that my 4 children handed me, knowing that mostly everything on those lists was $50.00 and over, and knowing that my husband’s commission checks aren’t what they have been in the past. I’m getting stressed.

    My BRIGHT and COLORFUL moments were when my daughter got on the bus and told the bus driver that if he didn’t DO something about the boy who picked on her brother, then she was going to “cut his nuts off”. She honestly said that. I laughed until I cried. So did the bus driver. The boy got a referral. This coming from a 16 1/2 year old girl that was painfully shy and wouldn’t speak her mind until her brother came along. My other colorful moment was watching Noah sleep in my bed with me this morning, his perfect angelic face, not one speck of NONperfectness. He’s sick with a cough. He needs me. Especially when his bottom lip quivers and he says “I not feel good”. He woke up and told me I was “squishy”, then told me I was “old”. We laughed. My other colorful moments were holding dozens of babies at our Ds support group meeting last night, passing them around and squeezing the love out of them, knowing I would have never met them if it weren’t for Noah. :)

  209. My gray this week is being so.very.tired. The color bringing me joy is getting a membership to our high school gym fitness center so I can run in the mornings.
    It’s too chilly and dark in WI at 5:30 AM!

  210. I love your blog, I read every post!
    My gray this week is a gray that is seems to be ongoing for me. I have a issue with bipolar and try so hard not to let it to “be me” but sometimes I feel like I think about it so much and what could happen because of this and how my daughter will be inpacted; that it does become me. The color that draws me out of the gray is my little one, she is two. And for right now she does not know what it means for mommy to be having a issue today. She just looks at me with those angel eyes and says “mommy you okay, there’s no bo-boo.”

  211. We may be having a gray moment this afternoon- We are finding out in just 20 more mins. if we are pregnant !!!! We did fertility treatments followed by a IUI and this morning I went and took a pregnancy test and I have a message waiting at home for me and my husband to listen to and it may change our life in the most amazing away if it positive and it is negative I have great friends and family waiting for me !

  212. Loved this post. I was in the same “gray” spot as you this week. My 16 year old son was diagnosed with diabetes a month ago. This after having struggled with a severe anxiety disorder for the past seven years. We were sooo happy to get him back to school this year. (after being out for 3 years) Then bam….we were blind sided. But, he is coping so well. He is one strong kid. But this week I was feeling gray about his diagnosis. How long will he live? Will he have a long, productive, happy life? Will he suffer from the terrible complications diabetes can cause? I had a few days of lows but decided to live in the moment. Take it one day at a time and live for today. I was so nice to read your post and know we all go through these rough times. Thank you for sharing. I LOVE your positive attitude towards life!!!!!

  213. Wow. I just bawled like a baby reading your post. The song just about brought me to the brink of a mental breakdown. :) To be honest, I had wondered how you were dealing with some of the negatives in life. And as always, you are showing us you are handling them with grace and beauty. Thank you for sharing.

    My gray this week: The stress of living paycheck to paycheck right now.

    The color: Knowing it’s only temporary and that life is not about how much money you have. It’s about love.

  214. It is so amazing that Poppa could be there and be that one person for a woman that he never even really knew.

    Being a little trite here… Everything happens for a reason. Just as all of the small things make up one big full life, all of the small reasons make up one BIG reason that your beautiful Nella Cordelia is here with you today.

    My gray for the week is the intense roller coaster ride, of first time home buying, that my husband and I have been on all week. Though, it is hard for me to call it a true gray because deep down I am enjoying the hell out of this roller-coaster ride.

    It may be crazy, it may be scary, and when we hit those heart stopping upside-down curves I may have the urge to scream but, Baby, that scream feels GREAT!

    What brings the color back fully is knowing that even if this ride does not turn out quite the way I was expecting, I have someone that will jump right back in line beside me and do it all again.

  215. sometimes the gray allows us time to remember how vibrant the tangerines, ceruleans, crimsons, azures, aubergines, and canaries are…and i miss your littlest “little’s” glasses. they were so HER!


  216. My dear Kelle: I read always and comment rarely. Today, I will comment. Today is all you have for certain. This moment is all you have for certain. Enjoy those beautiful, bright-eyed littles. Embrace them with your warmth and joy. When the gray comes, paint it brightly in the moment.


  217. A simply beautiful post yet again! I enjoy the anticipation of seeing if you post everyday. Your words are encouraging and your posts always brighten my day and make me look at life just a bit differently!

  218. my gray this week is my little girl getting sick YET again with strep. 4 illnesses in 20 days (ear infections, sinus, croup and strep) and listening to her heartbreaking cry…

    what is keeping me going? We close on our short sale on FRIDAY! and its taken us 2 yrs to figure it out.

  219. Knowing that there are people in this world like your father is my gallon of inkberry #73RB. Because it is the exact opposite of that kind of pure love that is often the gray that shadows my life. When Oprah has shows about men who have molested and felt they could never tell anyone. When there are 200 men to fill that studio…when I volunteer at my sons school and meet students who don’t know the love they are entitled to. When they then struggle for the rest of their life because of it.
    But, then there are men like your dad. Whose capacity for such love makes all the shadows disappear. And they are the only reason inkbery #73RB look so vibrant.

  220. My grey is website. My mind just cannot absorb all these abandoned children, only because they have down syndrome. Then I hug my son thigthly, and I truely believe that one day I will be brave enough to adopt a child…

  221. my gray is coming to the realization that we cannot afford our dream house right now, and need to withdraw our offer after a month of waiting for a response from the bank.

    the upside is knowing that our family still has each other and something better will come along when the time is right; and that for now our love is more than enough.

  222. Gray: My visit with family is coming to an end. It’s been fantastic, but soon we’ll be hundreds of mikes apart again. Color: I’m enjoying every last drop of my time with them and watching my parents get to cuddle their grandbabies.

  223. My brother-in-law passed away this July at the age of 17. If I can tell you one line of advice it would be this. Savor every moment you have with every family member and friend you have. My nice has down syndrome as well. All I can do is love her and care about her and savor every minute I have to spend with her. I do the same with my other family members too, whether they have downs or not. You never know what a new day will bring. I even love having a fight with someone. Oh how I wish I could fight with Griffin again, but I can’t. I wish I had more fully him in and who he was. Don’t let that happen with anyone.

  224. My grays are struggles with family. Grandmother in the hospital, and sisters and I can’t decide how to split Christmas between our divorced parents in different states. It’s rough. But I’m lucky I have family.

    My colors are my friends. I live in the same apartment building as well, most of them. And we have so much fun. This past weekend we went to a pumpkin patch, dressed up as Greek muses for Halloween, and last night we had a bonfire. This coming weekend we have a party for our blog, which brings so much joy to my life :

    And they more than outcolor the grays of my life.

  225. I am expecting my first baby in February and would love a reversible bib! My gray this week is that my hours were cut at my job, I was really counting on the money so I can get a bigger car and to decorate the nursery and buy new carpet. My happy moment is that I am still greatful to have a job, I may not have as many hours as I would like. But I still have a job in a field that is tough to get into.

  226. my little bit of gray is something I will forever have with me. The Postpartum depression I suffered during the first three months of my little guys life has left me with an overwhelming sadness and a feeling that I’ve missed out on many little moments I will never get back.
    The happiness that brings me all the colors of the rainbow is realizing how truly fortunate I am to have such a beautiful and amazing boy to enjoy, love, and cherish everyday. And, knowing I have so so many little moments to look forward to.

  227. my grey… i want a baby but my hubby and life circumstances say we aren’t ready yet. how much longer will i have to wait?

  228. Your lovely, wise words feel as though they are meant just for me.

    I’ve had several weeks of “gray” after the loss of a pregnancy last month.(So much so that I opted to paint my living room/kitchen a soft shade of gray- “Behr Premium Fashion Gray”) And as cheesy/brown noser-ish as it sounds I found a lot of comfort right here on the pages of your bright and shiny, “The sun will come out tomorrow”, beautifully written blog.

    Many thanks!xxo

  229. My gray this week?

    Waking up at 1am to being vomited all over by my 1 year old. Ah, the life of a Mother. πŸ˜‰ And then a trip to the ER to stop said vomiting. Thus, resulting in no sleep. Honestly though, I am blessed that my gray was “only” vomit… and I know this.

    This post made me cry. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or maybe it’s because I feel so connected to you through your writing… and my Mama’s heart can feel exactly what you felt at the fear of your child passing on before you… It’s terrifying.


    I love your writing & your pictures. You’re a fabulous photographer and even better Mama.

  230. first off..i have to tell you about a guy in our town who is in his mid 50″s. RJ has down syndrome and what an amazing soul this guy has. He loves everyone and talks about his mama like she just passed yesterday..RJ has several spine issues and his health is fading …but he was at church sunday..and when he sings…there’s not a dry eye in the chapel. especially when its his favorite hymn…”there’s sunshine in my soul today” for you can feel the sunshine in RJ’s soul!!! It’s sad to see him declining..but each one of us feel overly blessed to get to be a small spot in his life…to just know him and hear his voice and talk about how he hates snakes!!! LOL!! …another side you watch GLEE? If not should. …that’s all I am going to say..aside for Sue Sylvesters snide comments..which are hilarious…she cares and visits her sister with DS and brings a tear to my eye every time!! Love it!!

    I don’t know what gray is in my life..maybe its the all knowing unsurity of my kids being subjected to things out of my control..all in the name of independence??! I fear the has kept a hold on me a long time..still does a lot..but I am overcoming it..and then my 4 year old walks in and says are a rockstar…out of no where and there is my bright spot again..see he is the last of my 4 littles..and he is in his last year at home before he goes to big school..i cherish it.. good day to you and i can’t way to see the pictures of the bathroom!

  231. My gray this week: It is an ongoing struggle, really. Because my baby was a preemie, I have been pumping for 6 months for her and whether due to the pumping or some freakish state in my body – I fight mastitis and clogs every step of the way. I’ll be honest, it gets old… like dingy gray old.

    My color: At 6 months, my daughter is growing beautifully and the only lingering preemie issue is that I have to pump. We are so lucky! She is such a happy go lucky baby, it is good for my soul every time she grins when I come to pick her up. Plus, my birthday is only a week away! Yep, I’m excited :).

    Love, love the bibs! Anni just started a little bit of solids and cute bibs would be wonderful for my messy girl :).

  232. Your post is exactly what I needed. Reality does suck sometimes… but it is so worth it! My new color… my new little one who made her presence this Halloween. I love her color! πŸ˜‰

    LOVE your blog always!!

  233. My gray is that I am sleepy and exhausted, and quite tired of being the only one capable of getting my baby ready in the morning…I am stressed and tired, and I forgot to pack her bottles this morning!

    My color is that I am there with her in the morning, this miracle baby of mine, and she never fails to flash me her perfect toothless grin every time I merely say her name in a sing-song voice.

    I love your blog. I read Nella’s birth story over and over, and fall in love with her little face every time. You remind me to find joy when I am tired and stressed. Thank you.

  234. My “gray” is coming to terms with some health issues my daughter is struggling with right now. My color (purple, cause that’s her color!) is the great excitement of helping that same, very gifted daughter explore, learn and grow.
    Being a momma sure is hard. Being a momma sure is beautiful.
    May your grays be few, and bring you ever closer to God, who loves you dearly.

  235. I don’t normally post comments over here on your blog. I cherish each & every word you write and read them through several times, but haven’t shared the happiness that you impart, often in the pictures of your precious ones smiling.

    This post, however, struck a chord with me. I often travel for work & don’t have many issues with it, but this week marks the 4th week in a row being away from home. My husband feels it, our pets feel it, I feel it. I seem to be bone tired and just miss everything about home right now. That would be my gray.

    But I’m also luxuriating in the fact that I was able to book an early flight home for tomorrow morning and so won’t spend another night away for a bit. I’ll be home to celebrate our 2nd anniversary.

    And your blog always adds a little “Kel Color” to my gray days.

    Thank you for that.

  236. my gray is that i can’t control my sweet tooth & i am about to run out of baby weight excuses. my color is today is a new day & i am getting laundry done! :)

  237. My grey is that I weaned my son from nursing this week. He is 14 months old and he isn’t bothered by the change at all, but I still feel sad that that special part of our relationship is over.
    My color is enjoying my favorite season and watching my baby boy experience everything is has to offer.
    And Kelle, while I love them all, this post? One of your best.

  238. Today my grey was leaving my little at preschool even though she begged me to stay home & get back into her jammies. Color soon came into view when my littlest little (who is just starting to walk) came with me to the preschool to pick up my baby girl 3 hours later and she reached for her hand. They walked hand in hand all the way to the car like a parade in slow motion. Completely melted my heart.

  239. I have two beautiful children that fill my days with all the colors of the rainbow. I too, experience the joy of an extra chromosome.

    My gray has come very strong and very dark in the way of two miscarriages in a row. I am now faced with a hard decision as to the fate of the size of my family.

  240. Beautiful post!
    My gray this week: My husband and I are trying for a baby and not sure if we will be blessed this month. It is hard being patient for something you want sooo bad….especially when everyone around is having a baby! haha

  241. ‘And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.’ — Friedrich Nietzsche

    Even on the grayest of days, I can come here for inspiration, your faith is deep.

    Speaking of deep, and aubergine…funny thing is I JUST JUST JUST painted our mudroom a deep aubergine!!!!!! Purple is the color my friend! We just did a major add on to our house, so I am painting and renovating, and updating :) I love it.

    extra xoxox’s,

  242. My grey is also the reality that my special 21 chromosomed wonderful son may leave the world before I do. But there is vibrant color in knowing that if he does, I will be there by his side. He will never be alone. I will be the bookends of his life: there to prop him up at the beginning and to hold him up at the end. I find comfort in that, at least. I try to push these thoughts out of my mind most of the time though. No sense dwelling on them, but it is important to recognize our reality from time to time. Your post reminded me today.

    Another thing – knowing what potentially lies ahead (truly none of us knows the future) I find myself caring less about the trivial stuff. Dishes piled up in the sink? Who cares. It’s time for a Connect-Four championship tournament Mom vs. Sam the Man. He won, by the way.

    Given that I was 17 when he was born, odds are, I’ll be here at the end. But, we’re gonna have a blast until that day. Ours are going to be lives well lived. Heck, they already are.

  243. I don’t often think about the fact that my oldest daughter might not outlive me, but that’s probably my grey. With medicine advancing the way it is these days, who knows…she could live to be 100 :)

    Thanks for always reminding to look for the colors!

    My color this week-deciding to put our house on the market, I love change!!

  244. My gray: Having to get another BSGI next week to see whether or not I have breast cancer.
    My colors: When the sky is a bright blue, we say it’s an “AJ Sky” and when it’s purple & pink, it’s called a “Lila Sky” in our little world, so… my colors are bright blue, purple, and pink.

  245. My gray this week is not having a few minutes to step away from the house alone. Lots of Dr’s appts and developmental testing this week for my tribe. I just need a minute.

    My color is this will be the last follow-up visit my kids will have to do and after this they will no longer have an ‘adjusted age’!! Sorry its weird haha…my last hurdle to get over as a preemie mom in my mind πŸ˜›

    ps we have a sweet man in our community who is around 70 years old with D.S.(best estimate because he wont tell haha) so thats saying something <3

  246. “It makes the small things even better.”


    I looked up at my woeful, cracked up sunflower skeletons recently and I felt just sort of empty and sad. And then, I noticed that the blue of the sky had never looked bluer, in contrast.

    And dinner tonight was an all-around bust, but those Betty Crocker caramel cupcakes will be every kind of homemade-wonderful here in another couple of hours…

  247. There are cold greys and there are warm greys–those that seem to stir in a little of the earth’s rich tones like the warm grey of a sky in a humid summer’s storm. And I don’t think it is a fear of a child passing before us that is frightening, but a child left behind with no one to fill those chairs by the hospital bed, no one to hold their hand and make then unafraid, no one to whisper how loved they are. And so, I tried to be that to this “little one” of 50 whose parents were waiting to welcome her home and I hope they could look down and know someone who loves these little ones was there with her. That was my warm grey. I wasn’t ready to talk to Kelle about it while it was happening…only later. I knew it would awaken in her a fear she had talked to me about when Nella was leaving her very first creases in Kelle’s arms. “I’m afraid she will outlive us and no one will love and protect her like we would,” she cried…and I assured her God would send someone and I told her, “Don’t let the worries of tomorrow steal from you the joys of today.” I still tell her.

  248. My gray is that we desperately need clean clothes and the washer is broken. And now that I see how silly this gray is and how crazy it was for it to bum me out this morning, I feel happy and blessed for all that I have.

    My happy is that the wee one in my tummy is moving more and more every day and that she’s due 4 months from today. And the feeling is magical and the excitement is unreal.

    Thanks for realigning my perspective.

  249. My stressful work/school schedule is the gray in my week but the color was added this past weekend when some dear friends drove from out of state to visit! :)

  250. I had to stop reading because I started crying. Love that little Nella.

  251. My grey this week was that my brother was hospitalized. But the grey quickly changed to a vibrant red when he ran full speed at me and gave me a hug. Hes Down syndrome and reaching his “life expectancy” this year. I dont believe for a moment that he will leave soon, he has so much life to live and love to give still. Precious, precious soul.

  252. My gray this week was losing patience with my 17mo old and raising my voice, then torturing myself for the next several hours because that’s not the kind of mom I want to be. The bright colors in my week are the squeals of delight from my daughter when she comes running toward me when I get home in the morning from a long night at work.

  253. My gray? Upcoming surgery to remove one of my falliopian tubes.

    After nearly 18 months of trying, I am looking forward to seeing the colours when I finally fall pregnant.

    You are in inspiration Kelle.

  254. An insane amount of unexpected tears just burned my eyes and slid down unexpecting cheeks. I simply opened your blog to listen to the playlist as I cleaned and unwound from a long day of work. Never did I expect another post – 3 in 3 days… And upon finding a new post I smiled and read… and within moments that smile faded and tears overwhelmed me.

    Oh – my grey doesn’t hold a candle to yours… complaints of 44 hours of work in four days and 11 babies half of whom are sick with upper respiratory infections and the other half have the violent and fast moving stomach bug I had Monday night. Your grey makes my grey seem like a rainbow on a bright blue skied spring day… (the tears are still pouring!) My good though – my good is great! Baby AJ is doing well and continuing to fight. He’s strong and growing. His mama got to hold him for the first time this weekend (he was 13 days old) and he got 30 minutes out of his isolette. I have Friday off of work because of the aforementioned 44 hours in 4 days.. and it will be spent shopping with my sisters for my nephew’s / Godson’s baptism outfit.

    You’re right – life is hard and reality sucks sometimes… but life is truly amazing! Your blog has taught me to embrace each day, to find the benefit of an imperfection … to enjoy the sunset from a Target parking lot!

  255. Kelle
    Thank you so much for sharing this today. Hugs to you. Thoughts to Poppa Rik also.
    A streak of grey this week for me has been the persistent, gnawing thought that I will NEVER have a man in my life again and that I will ALWAYS be alone.
    But that is only a streak of grey the colors of my week are in the rainbow of possibillity that comes with singleness, that there are so many choices and opportunities esch day. xx

  256. Hey Kelle

    My baby girl was diagnosed with Down Syndrome and just celebrated her one month birthday. I cannot explain how your blog has helped me. You have inspired me to write down my journey, not only for me but for my baby girl vivian, so I am now a blogger. Thank you. I am the eternal optimist but like yourself I can also have some gray days.

    My gray this week is thinking about how tiny my little one is and that she is going to grow up. I just want to freeze this moment.

    My colour is all the smiles around me, my baby girl, my husband, friends and family. With them I have all the strength in the world.

    Thank you for your blog and showing us your beautiful family

  257. My gray is a sore throat and yucky weather! My color is a silly, little boy who ALWAYS makes me smile!

    I love your blog! It always inspires me :)

  258. Beautiful post.
    My gray is knowing we can’t afford to send my husband to Washington to see his grandma one last time, she is not going to make it much longer.
    My color is my kids, even if we had a hard day they can always make it better with one smile or word:)

  259. I love your photos. They are amazing.
    My gray this week is that I lost my job. It is one that I love very much, but it has come to an end.
    My color this week is seeing the smile on my 4 month old’s face and noticing a tiny little tooth has peeked through the gums.
    Being home with him for however brief it may be makes loosing my job just a little sweeter :)

  260. My gray is the mundane of staying home with my 6 month old, and it is totally what brings color to my day as well!

  261. The grey would be a friend that can’t get pregnant and a person who choose to end hers. The sunny would be my marriage. He really is the pea to my carrots we just go so well together even 8 years later. Better now than then.

  262. My gray this week is that money is tight, I feel like I can’t even buy my husband a present for his birthday.I worry about our future with #2 on the way. My Color is that I have time to spend with my daughter who always brightens up my day with a need to snuggle or dance or just by saying I love you at the right time. This week we are making my husbands birthday cake- it will be so much fun.

  263. Gray days are Wednesdays- shot day for my six year old with arthritis in all her joints. Magenta days are Saturdays when she runs and plays and loves soccer in her bubble gum pink uniform, making the gray days worthwhile.

  264. My gray was the walls of an E.R. Room with my girl on Halloween night. Everything is ok and she is fine, however my happy colors was walking out of there knowing she would be ok.

    My nephew has downs and my sister, and my family often think of this and like you, throw that hot potato right out the window. Just like Nella, our Jory will never have to be alone, if and when that time comes before us. He will have us right by his side. But for now he is 5 and happy and healthy. Right now we are loving that color.
    Blessings Kelle!

  265. Somebody stole my most cherished pair of Ugg Boats. Stole them right out of my garage. The fact that that is all that was taken is my color. :)

  266. *boots

  267. My life is intertwined with so much gray and color all the time…I long for those days we had our 3 kids under the same roof with us…it’s true, those really are the best of times…my looming gray today is after Thanksgiving when we have to go back to Bangkok…until then I am basking in warmth and color of friends and family and holidays and a BURST of color is traveling to Vegas to watch the final 9 in the World Series of Poker! And then on to my beautiful red-haired sister’s house in Phoenix for a few days of family glow…gray does go well with everything…it has it’s own beauty amid all these beautiful colors…because in Bangkok we will be back with our son (our 2 daughters are here in the states)and we love running our family business there…and even though Thailand has it’s vibrant colors, it’s still gray compared to life back “home”…thank you Kelle for helping keep extra vibrant colors running through the grays…and thank you for your honesty in sharing that this ole world can get to you some days too…

  268. Great post! My happy = seeing my 18 week old baby boy on the ultrasound kicking and playing. My gray = thinking about my nephew’s ultrasound where he couldn’t kick or move:(

  269. My gray is my husband’s work schedule. He has a civilian job and mandatory training for his upcoming deployment with the Guard. It has been nearly 2 weeks since we’ve actually had a minute to sit and talk.

    My color are our 4 children (4yrs and under πŸ˜‰ I am blessed to SAH with them. And while it is more tiring of late, since I have to do so much more while my hubby trains, I am grateful for the time with them and loving watching all their “too big for their little bodies” personalities bloom :)

  270. This week has been a bit gray. I am overwhelmed and feeling super un-ready for this baby boy that will be here in four months. I’ve wanted him my whole life but now that it is feeling real, well, I’m freaking out.

    My color is apple green. It makes me smile.

  271. Ur sincere words always draw tears.

  272. My gray this week is our financial situation. Over the past 2 months we’ve had some big changes, things happen unexpectedly, and money is just tight right. My 3 yr old has come down with a head cold. I was speaking to my husband on the phone earlier about picking some medicine up. I checked our bank account and our ending balance was 2 cents.

    My yellow? I’ve been holding on to a 20 dollar bill for just a moment like this.

  273. I hate living in gray…I am more of a black and white person…my gray is having cancer…I may or may NOT be in remission and I may or may NOT find that out at my appointment tomorrow…too many may or may NOTs for my taste…

    my happy color is just being at home this week able to do whatever including sleeping all day if I wish…

    I’ve not commented on your blog before, but I enjoy your photos and writing…I have a friend who has a baby with microsephely (exposed brain) and he will probably die before he is one…she lives in gray everyday and my heart aches for her…

  274. I LOVE grey- a color of mystery and possibilities, reflective of all of the colors around it, picking up tones and changing. It is complex and deep. I love my grey hair, I love to wear grey, adore grey walls. In Richard Wrights Native Son they describe his learning that white paint is made by mixing in black paint!
    I know just what you mean about the lifespan dilemma- I am 54 and my daughter is 11 with Down Syndrome. She is sure to outlive both my husband and I and I worry and have made a special needs trust with family who will be there when we can’t I hope.
    My grey (and color) this week is learning that my sweet child has been pushing a little boy (who has been struggling with his own pushing problem)and cutting in line deliberately. I have always worried that she will be taken advantage of, now I know that she knows how to assert herself, just needs to be a bit more skillful!

  275. I think gray is in the air this week I have been down about my oldest child having been diagnosed with Asperger’s this week…but as always my 2 littles are a vibrant colour this week as my just turned 3 year old is now potty trained and loving all his new words!! Hope the rest of the week is better…oh ya and I also changed the colour of our livingroom from green to sand and it is more relaxing and homey than ever on a tight budget!!

  276. my gray: I’m 18 weeks pregnant but have a painful flesh eating virus virus attacking my belly (ok, it’s shingles, but it hurts!)

    my color: I’m 18 weeks pregnant :)

  277. my gray…my son with leukemia
    my aubergine….today he was feeling great

  278. My gray this week is that I’m missing my friends terribly and wish I could see them more often.

    But I color my world with the excitment of an upcoming vacation for the hubs and I. I can not wait to go visit family.

  279. Your words slay me. I love how you see life. You have definitely touched me with this post.

    I have had chronic ulcerative colitis for 20 years. It has been my gray for that long because it comes on fast and hard and can put me down for 6-8 weeks at a time and come as many as 2 or 3 times a year. I am thankful that in comparison to some people with this disease, it is mild, but it is still painful, draining, and dangerous. Before I had my son (now 5) UC literally put me in the hospital getting blood transfusions or, at the very least, down in bed. Since he’s been born I have been blessed to be able to manage it at a better level (I think it’s a “mom” thing), but it’s still a problem, nonetheless. BUT my color is my precious little boy. I cherish every moment with him and he brings me nothing but joy. I never wanted children and Evan was a surprise pregnancy. I believe it was God blessing me knowing he could bring unimaginable color to my world.

  280. kelle,
    you write so beautifuly, straight from your heart.
    i wish i could give you a big hug.
    and your sweet dad a big hug too.
    the world is changing and advancing so much.
    hang on to hope.
    and dont borrow worries from tommorrow.
    take care sweetie
    and go hug them all , lainey nella,brett, and the boys too!

  281. My gray this week is that my husband’s new job has him in a town 2 hours from our home until we get our house sold and son, unborn baby and I can move to be with him. Long distance, especially after a year separation due to deployment, really sucks! :(

    My vibrant color is that I THINK I can feel little bambino moving around. It’s still plenty early, but I don’t know what else it can be! Oh, and also that our son is undeniably a momma’s boy and that makes my heart glow radiantly! Just sayin’ :)

  282. My gray is being a working mom and sometimes loving the pursuit of the perfect juggle and sometimes hating the enevitable imbalance. It’s a pure and thick shade that hangs in the inbetween of being young, feeling unsettled, and yet realizing that hey, I’m somebody’s mom and a provider and I need to get my sh*t (sometimes the 4 letter words make the most sense, right?) together and embrace the gray because it’s not going anywhere for awhile.

  283. We live with some gray, too…what the docs say about our son’s disease – what the statistics say. Like you…we choose to LIVE each day for what it is…another beautiful celebration of the sweetest soul – and his awesome little brother. Our motto is LIVE LIKE A CHAMPION…live like a kid – be nice, be thankful, have fun when you can, see every day for what it is…another day to celebrate your family and for us our friends who lift us up daily on this journey. I have no clue how I found your site…but I am thankful – in the little time I get on the computer I always make sure I check your blog. Life certainly throws curve balls…we know…some days we let the ‘disease’ win and feel down about what we wish could ‘be’ for our son. MOST days…we celebrate who he is and everything that he has taught us and how thankful we are for the perspective we have.

    This is the 1st time I’ve commented…the future is scary when you have a special needs child…we don’t want to believe doctors or statistics…all I can say is you guys are awesome parents and we can feel the fun and and love in your words…continue to treasure.

    Aimee Murray

  284. My gray is this morning sickness that is still lingering. This too shall pass.
    My color is the most gorgeous golden hues in the leaves of the Cottonwoods reflecting off the water of the Rio Grande River.

    Cutest bibs ever!!!

  285. My “gray” is learning my perfect 2 year old sign has apraxia from his traumatic brain injury at birth (in addition to his other diagnosis). He works incredibly hard to keep up with his “typically” developing peers and I am amazed by him.

    My “color” is putting him down for a nap and finding his stack of blocks, his colorings, all evidence of this amazing miracle of a boy despite his difficult road. He brings me a rainbow of color and joy daily.

    Thank you for your words and images.

  286. I’m a little gray about not being pregnant again, yet! I’m loving the little boy God gave me already, though, and thankful for him every day!

  287. Beautiful, Kelle. I especially love this line, “It’s a parent’s greatest unwritten plea.”

    My grey is that I really don’t feel like being a working mom is the life I wanted. It is not because I don’t like my job or love the at-home day care my children are receiving. I just selfishly want to be home, but a splash of color came Friday morning in one such funk when a student proudly showed up to school with homemade apple sauce bread and roasted pumpkin seeds she had baked me.

    And, about holding hands…As I held my Granny’s hand as she passed on, it occurred to me that she had people loving her as she entered the world and people loving her on the way out who did not know each other, yet I felt connected to them. The way her mother loved her influenced the way she loved me, but the important thing is that we have people’s hands to hold, and we can not even imagine who all they will be. I know that you will create such a life for Nella that someone will be holding her hand all along the way, and I hope for you that it isn’t you in the end, but I know it will be someone brought into Nella’s life because of the way you love and I can only imagine it will be a sister or brother or their children, or even some angel like your dad, and that is good, too…to trust the kindness of strangers (or chaplains) to hold our hands.

    Nella’s got it good…the today and the future. Thanks for acknowledging the grey. It makes you real and even more lovable.

  288. My gray this week was taking my 2 year old son to the hospital for an MRI. He was born blind so we have to take him in for random tests once in a while. It was very hard to hold him while he cried as the nurses worked to put in an IV to put him under anesthesia. While we were driving home from the hospital, he quickly colored my world again with his sweet singing in the back seat. He loves music and sings and dances everyday, which is such a sweet ray of sunshine on the gray days.

  289. my grey – my dearest friend has bipolar disorder – in the past month it has ruined her marriage and her chances of ever living with her children full time. She is my dearest family and friend and sometimes I struggle to stay afloat in the midst of her mood swings and episodes. This has been one of those weeks where it has been more difficult than most.

    my color – I have a deep and loving friendship that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

  290. My grey this week is easy: it’s cold and there’s Christmas stuff in the stores and my baby girl needs new clothes, size 4T at 2 years old thank you very much, and my halfway-to-being-born baby boy needs new stuff too, but tuition is due for preschool and a lot of my flute students are quitting and there’s just not enough money to do what I want to do.

    My color? Well, knowing we have enough money to give extra at church this week when a special contribution is taken, and feeling that little boy’s kicks after my little girl’s knee landed so hard in my belly last week, and seeing her learn and grow and change on the path to being a real big girl.

    Thanks for sharing the grey, Kelle. It makes your life seem a little more real!


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  292. My gray: I have to return to work instead of staying home with my little love, my 3 month son Jude.

    My color: My little love giggles now!

  293. Beautiful post as always.. It really makes my gray this week seem so trivial…
    My gray is my son bringing his progress report home with even worse grades than the week before…
    But my children bring so much more color to my world that the gray is hardly noticeable sometimes…

  294. My gray this week is that today would have been my mother’s 57th birthday. She died quite suddenly at the age of 53, I was 23, and I still do not feel as if I have grieved her “right”. This year I planned my wedding without her and now I am planning the hopeful conception of our child, once again without my mother. The color in my life comes from my already born children that light up all of my days and the possibility that this time next year my husband could be holding his first born. Love your blog.

  295. My gray can be found this week in something fairly small in the scheme of the world & could be seen as a little superficial…but…my 2 yr old girl is sick…she has a virus which has triggered random vomits & in consequence her asthma has made it’s ugly return! She’s very wheezy & fighting hard to breathe easily…back on the steroids! She will be fine with rest & medicine & love…BUT, as a primary teacher, i’ve had to call in sick this week to stay home with my bubba girl {and i wouldn’t have it any other way!} but since I used all my sick/emergent days up when I had to undergo surgery in August for an ectopic pregnancy :( I have to take this week unpaid…which quite frankly, we can’t afford right now!! And to ice the cake…kindy still charges us full day rates, even though she’s not there this week :((
    BUT….I’m finding colour in endless cups of tea, baking with my little Miss, watching Tinkerbell over & over again, pink gumboots and the sea of yellow flowers in our backyard at the moment :) Life is amazing….even with a bit of gray here & there, and thank u for reminding us of this Kelle!
    P.S. Nella is divine in every way possible & this post made me cry so much Kelle….scared tears, happy tears, positive tears, inspired tears & angry tears :)

  296. My grandmother’s birthday would have been this week. She passed away 4 yrs ago and I all I Think about is how much she would have loved my little girl. So I have made to sure that I’ve given hugged her extra tight and given her lots of extra kisses since her great-grandma never got the chance.

  297. My “gray” this week is that at our 20 week ultrasound for our first child, I learned that I have placenta previa. But the bright spot is that baby is otherwise healthy, it’s a girl, and I’ve been loving feeling more of her movements in my belly. :)

  298. I had that gray moment last week. I was at my bff’s wedding. The mother/son song was My Wish by Rascall Flatts. That was always my song to Graham, even before I knew he was missing part of his chromosome. Now it means even more to me as the sentiment really rings true. I just want him to be happy and to get what he wants out of this world. Every time I hear it, I get teary. Even more so at the wedding. I realized that it should be the song we dance to on his wedding day…but will that day ever come? I already know he probably will never have children, but what about marry? If I let myself worry about all the things his chromosomes may never allow him to do, I go crazy. Then I remember he is only 2…I have a lifetime to worry about those things. Right now he is just like every other 2 yr old, learning and developing, albeit at his own pace.

    Thank you for this post. Like you, I am usually so optimistic and push these things out of my mind so I can keep on my path. However, reality is reality and sometimes we must face it.

  299. i’ve been gray this week…nothing to make me that way just how i’ve been feeling. i’m so sorry you have to deal with those fears. thank you for being honest. i think that is what makes this place so good for me. a little bit of reality thrown in with the bright happy days that you display so beautifully.

  300. While I have the health of cerain loved ones on my mind, too, this week, my gray was of a smaller matter.
    I’m currently an MFA graduate student who teaches also and my gray was the realization that I cannot fully dedicate myself to every aspect of my professional or creative life right now. My little happy bit of color was realizing I don’t have to. I might stumble creatively or professionally, but the time I’m able to spend with my (almost!) seven month old little love, Alex, more than compensates. I am making memories I will treasure. And I know this. And that is more important.

  301. This is a very real fear of mine as well. And try as you may, you have to let go and let your self feel the bad with the good. Fiona is having her heart surgery the first week of the year, at only 5 months of age, and the chances of me losing her then, or later in life from her heart defect (due to downs) is beyond a nightmare that I have to face everyonce in awhile. But as you said, its today that we know and have and its today that I will enjoy.

  302. Kelle,

    Your writing and insight into life I absolutely adore!

    There will always be gray in any day….however, its what you do with it that counts.

    After being to the ‘that’ place you spoke of, losing a child, which is black… is ‘now’ colorful everyday….because of that black.(if that makes sense)

    No-one is promised tomorrow which is why we should always celebrate today and what we have, whether it be gray, colorful, or black!

    My mom would say to me on my gray days to “Go look in the mirror and smile!” I hope you can do that on those gloomy gray days Kelle.

    So today, I can’t pinpoint gray or color…I just love being alive! :)

    With love
    Diana Doyle x

  303. VONDA…I’m laughing so loud!!! And I dont like expressions like that, but i love your story and that sisterly love!!

  304. My gray is the unknown…the future in general this week….sometimes it’s my rainbow, but this week I’m just wanting it to show itself already!

    My colour though is the first Christmas craft sale of the season this weekend. Yay for all of the colours that will show themselves on Saturday!

  305. My “gray” this week and every week is my mother who has early onset. I think about the future and what it holds for her – assisted care and I cry feeling the guilt and wondering how could *I* ever do that to the woman who loved/loves me so much. My “gray” is mourning the woman I knew slowly slip from my grasp day by day as our relationship is re-invented. The vibrant colors that call me and awaken me from my gray are that she is here and it is not the memories that we had or the ones we will make, for memories are nothing now…but more so the moment. To live in the moment and just be with love despite the painful thoughts that spontaneously leap through my mind.

  306. My gray this week is the looming uneasiness of my husband not being employed until sometime next year.

    The painted turtle wall color in my living room always makes me happy

  307. It makes me so sad that that dear lady died alone, thank God your sweet father was there for her. I believe God sent him so she wouldn’t be all alone.

    My grey is watching my dear friend grieving over the foster baby she had to give back (not a good situation) She loved that little girl like her own and would have adopted her if given the chance.

    My color is a nice weekend in New Orleans with my dh, brother in law and sister in law. It was a nice and relaxing break.

  308. my gray would have to be my husband losing his job and having such a tough time finding one. That lend me to pick up another day at work and he called today to tell me that he might have found a job OH( feeling yellow) then says we have to have his mom MOVE in to watch our lil one (gray). my color changes from gray to yellow, blue, red, purple when my son looks in my eyes and smiles and his laughter is a bright pink.

  309. My grey this week is knowing that our second unborn child we’ve lost was a boy. And his loss was due to a chromosomal abnormality that cannot be linked to either one of us. So do we try again (with fertility treatments), or accept our life as it is?

  310. My gray is somewhat similar to yours … fear over the future for one of my children. We’ve been so focused on our son, who is on the autism spectrum, and suddenly we realize that something is up with our daughter. Something isn’t quite right with how she learns. That moment when you fear that you’ve totally screwed up … that you’ve been too focused on one kid that you’ve missed something important about the other.

    My color? Every moment with my kids. Gosh, they can be frustrating and sometimes all I want is some silence or for them just to stop the bickering but when they smile … or ask me something funny … or share their high/low of the day … I realize how BLESSED I am.

    Thanks for sharing, Kelle …

  311. i feel the constant ebb and flow of life mixed with happy and sad moments, and i like you most of the time i try to just put it all away but sometimes you just have to feel the hurt.
    my daughter, lillian is turning two next week; we are having her party this weekend. and among all those joyous moments ive shared with her since she entered my life i still feel the sting of the hurt that i try to bury.
    last week, after having dinner at “grandmas”, my mother pulled out the old photo albums from when i was turning two. she smiled as she touched the photos and laughed as she recalled my childhood, but i could barely look at the photos. it hurt so much to see where i was and basically where she wasnt.

    but she still brings all the color to my life. birthday shopping today and brought home all her presents. let her play with them now (wrap them later) and my girl, she loves music. just like her mom. and she plays her keyboard and just dances and swings her arms and moves her hips and smiles. and god when she smiles. thats my color.

    thanks for sharing, as always

  312. My gray right now… hmm, my gray was last week. I’m a teacher and one of my students (8th grade)got a “shot” while she was 2.5 months pregnant. That was more of a purplish, blackish-blue bleeding heart color. My soul cried. But, buts, Today is better. Today is baby blue with glitter. Today I am a homecoming decorator.

  313. My Gray is probably that I would love to be a stay at home mom but at this time I am not able to.
    The great thing is thought that my 3rd baby just started walking over the weekend! Everytime he falls down and starts clapping for himself and saying yeah! makes me smile.

  314. My gray is that I am a school principal and it sure is a busy, yet rewarding job. It’s hard not being home with my 3 year old daughter Isabel more often (but I sure love summers off).

    My color is that I am expecting baby #2 (girl #2)in February and planning to take the rest of the school year off. I cannot wait to spend time with my two girls. I will enjoy every moment.

  315. My gray would be stress at work. The family I get to come home to is my color.

  316. Hmmmm. I have been at this, raising multiple kids with DS, for a long time. I understand your thoughts but we never know if any of our kids, with or without disabilities, will outlive us. We have today only to enjoy and hold our kids and love them. You are doing an awsesome job of sharing the gray times too. They are normal thoughts. Susan

  317. completely appropriate that John Mayer, “Heart of Life” is playing!

    my gray is my current job and living location. but i’m viewing it as my “cocoon” phase and know that the flying and beautifulness of the next phase is around the corner.

    my color today (literally) was the RED CUP that starbucks has out for the holidays. i LOVE them.

    and your pictures of your girls were sweet, too!

  318. My gray is that I feel my Grandma’s cancer is taking over. But my color (besides my daughter’s kiff (kisses)) are that she just sent over two beautiful rain jackets for my girls. Those little gifts that she sends me, are going to be the reminders when she’s gone.

  319. My husband and I have been trying to conceive,unsuccessfully, for almost 3 years. During that time, I went through really, really dark storms because of it. Doctors told us that we are perfectly healthy and they can’t figure out why we haven’t gotten pregnant.
    A year ago, when visiting family in Maine, I was brought out of that storm and started to see life and color again.

    My gray this week:
    Today I started my period, this coming right on the heels of 2 of my friends’ surprising pregnancy announcements. But I know what it’s like to be in the midst of a storm with no light or color and I didn’t want to got there again. So I focused on my color. :)

    My color:
    Looking at all God has blessed my husband and I with. He just gave us this beautiful large house and we know that God has something great planned for it and us. Whether we will be filling the rooms with kids of our own or kids that need a family and a home, we don’t know. But we look forward to what God has in store for our family.

  320. Nella is a blessing, that is for sure, and she is blessed to have her family as well:)

    My gray? A sinus/ head cold! My color? Not letting it stop me from baking cookies with the girls and painting my bathroom as well:).

  321. Oh, kelle, you amaze me. I, too, have been trying to realize that you can’t just shove away those bad moments and pretend they don’t exist, for they are what make us stronger, what make us tougher, and make us even more happier for those beautiful shining moments.

    My week hasn’t been too grey, other than that college has been sneaking up on me and I’m starting to slowly get more worried about what I’m going to do for next year. I didn’t get financial aid last year, and that was a BIG BIG grey for me, but i overcame it and went to community college. I want to transfer but I’m afraid I won’t be able to finacially afford it. Oh, that grey can be the worst color…

    and yet it matches so well with the sweater I am now wearing, which means that grey is not always bad, and I have decided that I must trek on. So I try and work on my school work, take day by day and not worry about he future until i really have too.

    My happy this week is that I feel very confident; I just got my hair done this week and I feel empowered by the slight change. It’s nice to do something for yourself and realize that it made you happier. I feel lighter and prettier and ready to face the world. A small thing to do that much to me, but it’s true, I feel very happy with where I’m at right now.

    The right now is good, maybe not always great, but good is okay too. :)

  322. My gray this week is that which is usually my colour….thinking and dreaming of the unknown…the future.
    Sometimes though, on days like today, I just wanna know darnit! Is there a wedding next year? is there not? where will we be moving? does it matter? no! this is what I love! not knowing…..

    My colour though is the first Christmas craft sale of the year here in town. Oh my am i looking forward to the colours of this season!
    Thanks for sharing Kelle. Sometimes it’s comforting to share our grays with others grays and together somehow they blend into some kind of healing, beautiful colour.

  323. You will hold Nella’s hand and she will hold yours for as long as you need to and then you will hold hearts…love to your whole family.

  324. Oh Kelle, what a beautifully honest and truthful post!
    My baby sister Angel who is now 51 years old is living a happy and healthy life with DS even though it was predicted that she would never walk and would not live past 20. (she walked when she was 2 years old by the way…)
    Meanwhile, 12 years ago our brother died suddenly at the age of 41. The real point our family has learned is that no one knows what is in store for any of us! That is why your blog resonates so much for me and so many others!!! When I was about 10 years old I seemed to understand that I would always be there for my sister if anything were ever to happen to our parents. Our 90 year old Mom is still going strong against all odds and I know she still worries about leaving me to care for my sister when she is gone (no matter how many times I have assured her since I was 10 that it is how I always knew it should be)…
    Because as a family we are always there for each other in gray and in bursts of the brightest colors!
    And your Dad, bless his wonderful heart, was meant to be there for a beautiful soul as her “family” in her last moments!!
    The bright colors so outnumber gray if we just open our eyes and hearts to them…
    Much love and Cobalt Blue,

  325. Nellas eyes are beautifuL!!!! a shade of blue/grey :)

    My grey is not knowing what this weekend will hold. Work. all work. friday will go…class, one job, second job,sleep, and work again, sleep, work all sunday. The only color keeping me going is also grey. :) seeing my boyfriend saturday night will keep me sane. the love of my life wears and owns more grey than anyone i know. He rocks full grey sweat outfits that will be three different shades and doesn’t care one bit. He rides through life on rainbows and they may be grey by choice but he does it all with a smile on his face.

    Have a fabulous rest of the week. good luck on the bathroom project :)


  326. You are an amazing mom and such an inspiration to everyone, without a doubt. This summer I worked at a residential center for adults with both mental and physical disabilities. One of the individuals had down syndrome and had a special love for his mom, whom he would see every weekend. She would bring him back and they would dance together as a sort of goodbye for now. I know Nella feels the same for you. The pictures at the park several posts ago are proof of that.

    The gray of my week has been the realization that I will be abroad when my sister will be having her baby. I’m bummed that I won’t be here for the several months leading up to it and for all the exciting events, like the baby shower. BUT the aubergine in my week is fall and everything amazing, and the thought that snow is right around the corner. :)

    Another touch of color,

  327. Your words about mortality hit home, as the topic often does. My gray is, as a semi-new single mom, worrying about being around for my kids. And I hate that it creeps in sometimes, but it does. That’s life, and you’re right, it’s does suck sometimes. But my color? Or colors, I should say. Rainbows. It’s the tiniest little bit of proof that magic exists.

  328. my grey is getting everything ready for my daughter’s surgery next week. She’s only six months old. It’s a very minor surgery but scary nonetheless.

    my colour is the beautiful giggles I get from my daughter, the family picture “teasers” I just got from a photo shoot just yesterday, and that she’s starting to sit up all by herself.

  329. To thine own self be true. I have made that my new mantra and there have been several times this week when I’ve found myself repeating it under my breath over and over. My gray has been around for 22 years. 22 years ago today, my father committed suicide and I found him. I was 5. I am now the same age he was and now that I’m a mama I’m finding it weighing on me more. Where the problems he was facing really worth leaving all this?!

  330. Never once, since I “met” Nella through reading your blog, did I think about her life expectancy. I am so sorry that you have to even think about that. But your hopes and dreams for her will outweigh all of that!

    Adorable bibs and perfect pictures!

  331. My gray this week is that our 23 year old daughter is contemplating leaving the state to live 18 hours away. We could have lost her forever when she had a bad car accident a couple of months ago. We already have a 25 year old daughter living 11 hours away. We have an 18 year old son at home still, but time goes soooo fast. I thought I’d enjoy some empty nest time, but I don’t like it so much today.

    My color today is that I enjoy the work I do and I love to come to your blog to see your lovely littles!!

  332. My gray is that I let someone into my life after 9 years of being alone. For one year we saw each other, talked on the phone, cared and loved one another. There was a bad breakup and she left. After a bit I found my colors again. On Saturday she started a harassment that can only be defined as “impaired.” I am very sad that I have brought this into my family. I let my feelings down and became vunerable. The saddest thing is I don’t think I’ll ever do it again.

  333. life expectancy is a scary thought but here’s a cheerful image for you :) i work with a lady who’s sister comes in to work with her everyday to volunteer in the lunchroom (wiping tables, cleaning up, helping kids etc..) and she is 56 and still going strong!! she is amazing so just know that even when nella is that age she can still be working and bringing joy to other’s lives!

  334. My newborn sure could use more bibs! I love them!

  335. My gray this week is seeing my parents get old….slowing down. It makes me sad. But then I think that I’m really, really lucky to be almost 50, and still have them in my life, and they’ve been really healthy 95% of their lives. So I have to continue to enjoy them and savor the memories we are making. I couldn’t have asked for more loving, devoted parents (to 7 siblings, also), and am a much better person for having them both.

  336. it is nice to say I don’t have a gray today. for that I am thankful. my color: rich friendships, a sweet baby boy, and a loving husband.

    tomorrow there may come some gray and I will be fine. today I am just enjoying the colors. :)

    loved your post.

  337. My gray this week was when I called my gramma to wish her a happy birthday and she didn’t know who I was and abruptly told me that she had to go. bye. But on the bright side, graduate school midterms are over and I can start on the loads of laundry, inches of dust and sitcky floor! Oh and the pure sweetness and honesty of my little sister! She never says a mean thing about anyone and just has an amazingly sweet, honest personality with a blug splash of uniqueness!!

  338. grey is actually my favorite color (and my son’s middle name) so he is my grey (but to me it’s a good thing :)

    but i know what you mean. especially about the desperate hoping to be outlived by our children. always.

  339. i am feeling the warm cup of coffee I indulge in every morning while me and my girl awake from our slumber ..

    the future is just that.. the future.. it’s an unknown that only feels let down because of expectations we slapped on it.. we only have this very moment right now .. live for it.. breath it.. feel it.. because this moment doesn’t hold the same expectations as that .. the future

  340. I bought gray boots today because gray really is a beautiful color. Soak it up, girl, because drenching yourself in gray will actually make everything else pop! Love your post, as always.

  341. My gray came crashing in when I visited a little patient who needs a kidney transplant. Just watching her momma stroke her hand, memories of weeks in the hospital with my little came back. And then I came home to a sea of pink and purple and giggles.

  342. Great post. I too have a ‘surprise’ special needs daughter and like to keep a positive outlook but some days it seem impossible not to let a little gray in. This week’s gray was when someone gave my almost 4 year old daughter a play ring and I realized how much I was missing by not having my daughter play appropriately with things. But the happy is that she now comes up to me and puts her hands up to be picked up – she may not speak with words but she is communicating with us none the less.

    I thank you for your blog and your words.

  343. AWE INSPIRING! My gray this week is not being able to read the minds of my students who have autism and non-verbal! I want them to be able to express themselves fully and to be understood; cared for! My color is my 11 month old Lilah, my wonderfully supportive husband, and the baby growing in my belly. I am blessed in this life!

  344. Hey Kelle:),

    My little (well, big:)) happy this week is that my first baby is due ANY day:). This little boy, who kicks my bladder millions of times/ day, is finally going to meet his mama and I can’t wait:).

    My grey is that i’m working up until the day he’s born:), but it’ll be well worth the wait.



  345. Beautiuful words that filled my eyes with tears. My grey this week was noticing my 3 year old daughter was suddenly a little lady and not my baby anymore. I cried my eyes out because I just want to hold her back in time and never let her age. It tears my heart out knowing that she won’t be little much longer. My color in the meantime is soaking up the fun of swinging her under our tree, blowing bubbles, rocking her to sleep at naptime and eskimo kisses before bedtime.

  346. My grey this week is distance. 600 miles to be exact. My color is coming from the living room as I type. The sound of my baby giggling with her Daddy. Reminding me Im always home where ever those two are. Love your blog, it always inspires me. xoxo

  347. As always, wonderful. Reflective and a true gift.

    My Grey: My husband and I pulled our oldest out of school to bring her back home and homeschool, again. I wonder if I am making a mistake.

    My color: My big girl is back with me ALL THE TIME. Baking, Painting, Coloring and reminding me of when I became amom.

  348. My gray this week is trying to manage working part-time and have young kids in school. Homework is a killer, and not b/c it is too much, just a tired little boy! My color is celebrating my 12 year anniversary this week with my husband.
    those bibs are so cute, could finds someone to give them to!

  349. This post is really wonderful. I don’t have a child with Down Syndrome but I’ve spent a lot of time this year thinking about priorities and some changes I want to make. We often don’t recognize what really matters until it is too late. I personally love your eternally optimistic nature and I think I tend to be the same! I don’t like the alternative.

  350. my gray…spina bifida. my sweet baby boy was born with a very unexpected dimple on his lower back. we’ve been through testing, and major spine surgery, and are moving on to the urodynamics study this week…the gray attempts to overtake me, but I am holding firm to my belief that he is and will be just fine!

    your girls, and your thoughts…beautiful!

  351. The gray…the uncertainty of life with a child with a neurological disorder. Everything was a struggle today – play, eat, touch. A gray day.

  352. Great post, made me cry!

    My gray this week was having to miss my dad’s surprise 60th birthday party (a costume party!) because I have a new baby and we live 1000 miles away. Not too bad in the scheme of things, though, I am feeling pretty lucky right now.

    My color is my 2 year old little boy is finally starting to put sentences together – even though it consists of throwing his “Cars” car into his bowl of pasta and saying “Ziti Doc!” it is still pretty awesome to hear him talk!

  353. My gray has come in slight shades this week. I’ve been thinking a lot about a friend of mine that was killed two months ago.

    My color came back when another friend posted a beautiful article about him and his wife here ( page 36. It also comes in the ever increasing kicks I feel coming from my baby.

  354. Wow, if I could name this week as the Grayest Week in History, I would. Bleh.

    This weeks gray: Putting our beloved family dog to sleep. She was a Lab and she was 12 and she had a phenomenal life. So glad it went quickly, but not without an insane amount of tears.

    However, this weeks color: Learning from the gray. Taking the one inevetable bad moment and learning from it. Giving our current pup an extra hug, and being sure to enjoy thet moments that our pets (and family, and friends) are still here.

    Takin’ it day by day, and focusing on the here and now, just like you said!

  355. my gray… my Ella and I are both sharing colds back and forth. at once I think we are healed of it and then again it strikes back with a cough, a sneeze, a raspy voice or Ella waking in the middle of the night because her nose is so clogged that only mommy can help clean it out – which I am happy to do… which brings me to my little happy. I am so in love with this little miss that no matter how sick I am (NyQuil and all) I bounce out of bed in the middle of the night to see that little munchkin’s face full of boogies and drool only to fix it to a smile and back off to sleepy land as only mommies can do…

  356. Grey: Continued (persistent!) unease over an uncertain future, albeit a financial one.

    Color: My littles, of course, but also the amazing colors. I keep meaning to take my camera with me when I go to my daughter’s school, as the streets closest to it are truly like red and yellow covered bridges made of stained glass. It has been taking my breath away daily.

  357. My gray this week is the wonder if this tiny, tiny being that is growing inside me will also have an extra chromosome like his brother….my color is my four year old who brings home from preschool on every chance he can(including today)a picture that says “I love mommy”. Love reading your upbeat blog, but loving that you can have gray moments too.

  358. You brought a tear to my eye tonight, Kelle. Sending you a big hug.

    What’s my gray this week? Two of my four children are sick and almost at the point of being inconsolable. Hoping for brighter days soon…

  359. My gray this week would have to be the guilt I feel when I am torn between the needs of my two fantastic daughters. They are only 17 months apart….most of the time that is wonderful but some days I feel I am cheating them both out of the time they need one on one with me.

    For sure the color is planning a garden themed tea party for my soon to be 3yr old. I dream of giving them besutiful memories to hold on to and I can not wait to add this to my little Amelia’s store of memories…

  360. Okay well I was sitting here pondering this post all day and something popped into my mind. My favorite movie of all time is Fried Green Tomatoes. In it, Ninny, the old lady, tells Evelyn the story of her son, which brings me to tears every time I see it, and I’ve seen it MANY MANY times. I didn’t realize, until after I had Noah, what “Albert” was all about. :)


  361. My gray is having a friend pass away at 33 very unexpectly leaving his wife and baby girl to wonder why. My color is being able to be here for my three beautiful little boys. Being a mom brings more joy that I ever thought possible.

  362. My gray this week is working with a student who just can’t get it together due to reasons she doesn’t understand. My color is my beautiful grandson in his bright red devil costume on halloween!

  363. gray – isolation as a stay at home mom while Dh works full time and goes to school full time (last semester yay!) – all the while we’re a one car family in a neighborhood with a walkable score of 16 (out of 100).
    my aubergine – dancing with my sweet girl while letting the laundry sit because who’s going to see it anyway! :) :) :)

  364. My gray is my sister’s current battle with breast cancer and how life changes in an instant.

    My happy is the sweet plump cheek of my one year old grandson that begs to be kissed when he comes to me and holds out his hands to be picked up.

    Ahh…what a beautiful color that love and my pink bracelet make!

  365. um gray? I painted my bedroom gray. It butts up to a pretty pinky peach and deep slate trim. I found it on one of those paint chips that tells paint challenged people what does look good together and rather than being dark or depressing…it’s really soothing.

    My gray. Well infertility still stinks, but it is ALOT easier with a beautiful daughter to love on.

    My color. The turkey crafts are srpinging anew!

  366. what can I say?

    simply moving.

    I teach down syndrome students.

  367. My Fuschia ceiling in my white kitchen makes me so smitten. Hope your bathroom project works out well :)

  368. My gray this week is that my husband’s grandmother, who I was very close to, passed away. My other gray is that my mother had to have surgery, again, for spots in her breast. She has Stage 4 breast cancer. My happy is that tonight I told my daughter that “she could cry me a river” and she responded, “cwy me a wiver.” She’s only 2.

  369. First of all… your words of grey speak mountains! My Grey is my Dad’s terminal brain cancer as of 9.7.10. My color is soaking up every lucid happy moment we have left with him.

  370. My gray is chronic pain and it’s best friends, depression and anxiety! My colour is….a little hard to find today. But I’ll find it in the wet nose of my pup, the love and support from my partner, a good blog post (like this one – with tears streaming down my face), excellent coffee and creating something pretty, however small and however long I have to rest afterwards.
    Have a great day and keep enjoying the precious moments you have now.

  371. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this is so touching and inspiring!

    My gray this week is the mourning of a miscarriage we had early April this year…this week was our due date…Oh, but my color this week…celebrating the gift of new life as we are 16 wks pregnant and I have felt the first movements of our little in the womb…life is good and tears are sweet…

  372. Mmm….my bit-o-color this week is seeing my 8.5 month old figure out life! Always amazes me!

  373. My gray was finally settling in my heart that I have to go back to work full-time after spending 2 years with my son (and working every now and then).

    But my happiness is that my son LOVES his daycare (or “school”) and they love him, too. And it’s just a season. Maybe I’ll get to stay home again when I have Number 2. But for now, a little adult time during the day won’t be so bad. :)

  374. the first time we discussed life expectancy with our doctor I wanted to just scoop up my baby and run. I still can’t even think about it without tearing up BUT I know that God has a plan for my baby girl and that ALWAYS brings me comfort, it lights up my word and makes all the colors shine brighter!

  375. can i just give everyone on here a hug? i know that sounds trite but wow.

    grey: we’re looking at another speech eval for our 4 year old, thought we were past this but i guess not.

    COLOR: the holidays are coming and the 4 year old is TALKING to me, that is all that matters.

  376. Just wanted to let you know that as I was looking at your post today my 11 month old was sitting on my lap. When we got to a picture of Nella, Ella looked up at me and grinned then pointed at the screen and patted her belly (which is what she does when she wants something). Precious.

    My grey this week is having no money. The heater going out and a car died. But my color is definitely my baby girl, always happy and smiling. :)

  377. My Grey: I want to be pregnant. And my grey is struggling to tell myself that if it doesn’t happen, that IT IS OK. I ahve a beautiful son and an amazing husband. When is that going to be enough for me? Will it ever?
    My color: My students loving their latest project and making me proud! My son just being hiself, and my loving hubby.

    Thanks for the reminder to remember my colors.

  378. 4 years ago I had my worst gray moment, when I rocked my baby girl into the arms of Jesus..saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done.How true it is that these ‘gray’ moments make the brighter times all the more sweeter.Today I hold a new baby girl, my 2 week old rainbow baby:) The love and and Joy I feel having her safe in my arms is unbelievably intoxicating:)I can’t stop staring at her or even put her down:) Totally in love!:)

  379. My gray is that after 8 years of marriage and two children, I am getting divorced.

    My color is my two children. They are my world and my focus. They make any day a good one!

  380. My gray this week? My husband has been gone for work for the past 101 days. That’s a lot of gray days. He still has 68 days to be gone for work. But the colors. Oh, the colors. My little ones are my colors. They are a rainbow of colors in my world and when the hubbs gets back, I feel like we’ll never have a gray day again.

  381. My gray this week is my 7yr old daughters best friend being in hospital with a brain injury…from an innocent playground accident. She has been in there for 2wks and has fought so hard in that time. Last night she had to go in for emergency surgery because they found another brain bleed. My heart is breaking for her family.
    The little bit of colour…she is still alive, still fighting. I believe she will overcome this.

  382. This comment has been removed by the author.

  383. Gray: I manage a coffee shop and when my espresso machine keeps breaking down, it takes it’s toll on me. When all you sell is coffee/espresso and you can’t, it becomes a very discouraging morning to get up and go into work.
    Color: I am half way into the first week of officially living with my boyfriend. The apartment feels like home, he feels like home.

  384. Hi Kelle – I’m really glad you posted the gray this week. I find it important to honor the sadness and frustration and anxiety that life sometimes creates. As you said, it makes the colors more vivid.
    My gray this week has been thinking of my daughter’s future, as well. She has autism and as I hear my friends talking about when their kids will be teenagers and drive them crazy and, eventually, leave home, I think of whether those things will happen for me. Of course, they will be different, but as of now we’re not sure just how much.
    My vivid color this week has been the thought of having actual holiday photos taken of my kids. This is no easily accomplished feat, but I think that with the proper positive reinforcement (i.e. candy for cooperating and a trip to the indoor play center afterward), it may be accomplished this year. Wish us luck!

  385. Hmmm… my gray… finding out that my mom wasn’t approved for a healthcare procedure she needs to have done.

    My color… loving my snuggly baby boy and seeing his smiles all day long!

    I am new to your blog and it has touched me and inspired me to be a better mom!

  386. My gray this week- this whole year- is that my beautiful 3 yr old son with DS was just diagnosed with a terminal illness and has been in the PICU and heavily sedated for over 2 months. He is undergoing experimental radiation in the hopes that we may be able to bring him home. I also used to cringe about him only living to 50 and now I find myself begging God to let us get to 4.
    My happiness comes from my 4 yr old son, who is probably the only person in the world I can see right now and have instant joy from.

  387. My color: taking a much needed, once in a lifetime family vacation.

    Gray: that we are home and miss it so much. Wish that we could travel more often.
    Great giveaway. Good luck to me!

  388. My gray is that I was passed up for a promotion at my job but my happy place is finding out that a good friend of mine is expecting her first child!

  389. Kelle~

    My gray is very gray:( Got a call about a new baby that I will be working with thru Early Intervention that has Trisomy 18. The parents have been told that Trisomy 18 is not compatable with life. She is 4 months old. 90% of babies with this do not survive birth, and of the ones that do, only 50% live to one month. Of those, only 10% live to their first birthday. I can not even begin to imagine what they are going through……..

    And my color, that I live each moment to the fullest. Because if your life expectancy is 1 year or 50, every second is so very precious.

    Your children are precious beyond words.

    Susan from Boston

  390. Maybe it is because I have been viewing your blog for awhile now, but when I look at the images of Nella, I can’t even see she has Down’s anymore. Like, really cannot see it even if I look for it–all I see is your beautiful baby girl.

    Your posts always hit home with me b/c our children are almost exactly the same ages, although mine are two little boys.

    Today’s definitely brought some tears to my eyes and a hard ache to my heart. I guess all one can say is that the colors will pop brighter against the grays.

  391. My gray is that stress you feel creep up. It makes your back tingle when you know no matter what that you are just over extended, too busy and you have missed some small but important things.
    My happy is coming home tonight and raking, well playing in the leaves with my favorite one year old helper!

  392. My grey? I had two suspicious moles removed from my neck and shoulder today– and then the doctor handed me pamphlets about dealing with skin cancer. I wasn’t prepared for that. But my color? I’m turning 30 on Saturday, and I’m excited to be in my thirties. I feel like I’m finally hitting my stride. And I’m making the most of every day. My blog is even titled The Princess and the Pea:Every Day’s a Fairy Tale.”

  393. Life is so, so short and I’ve had to learn to grasp each moment and savor it. I love your blog for this reason, because you savor it all up and share it. Hugs!

  394. Gray- Breastfeeding my 4 week old going BAD. :(
    Color (Burgundy) WINE!

  395. My gray – a road trip coming upt his weekend. and i’m driving it alone. and driving to a city i really hate driving through. but it’s to surprise my friend for her 30th bday so i HOPE she is surprised and that, despite of my dread for the drive, that it’s rejuvenating.

    My happy color – watching my husband and 11-month old in their ‘Aqua Tots’ Oh. My. Gosh. Cutest thing ever.

    I have a younger brother with Down Syndrome and I’ve had those same fears…about losing him before I’m ready. But man, he’s a rock star and I press on with the “now” knowing these are the best days. I often think of your blog post a while ago “Today is my favorite day” Soak it up, sister.

  396. My grey is much the same as yours this week. A friend of a friend had their beautiful infant daughter pass away unexpectedly from seizures and it really hit home how lucky I am that my own daughters, who both have Epilepsy, are with me still. It was so unexpected and I realized this could have been my own child. I pray for peace for this child’s mother, and fear to tread in her shoes one day. The joy that my girls are still with me, the smiles and happiness all three of my kids bring me, that is the bright sunny yellow that fills my days and my heart. Nothing can replace moments like these. <3

  397. My gray this week is my complete sorrow to the Bucklin’s – a local family, the dad and 3 teenage son’s were killed in a plane crash in the mountains last week.

    My color comes from my 15 month old baby girl – as always :)

  398. My gray. . . my baby girl, Avery Elizabeth, had yet another nasty-knock-her-flat-on-her-back seizure this morning. She suffers from a rare genetic disorder called tuberous sclerosis complex. And Drs said she would probably never walk or talk. . .

    My color? Standing outside her bedroom door, holding hands with my husband and her big sissy, listening to her put THREE words together over and over to herself.

    “I. . . want. . . cracker! I. . .want. . .cracker!” One big box of Cheese-Its coming up, baby girl!

    Take that Dr. Doom and Gloom!:)

  399. As a mom of a little not much older than Nella I can understand your “grey” and the fear of losing them too soon. But I can relate even more, because my brother too has DS. I often worry and wonder what will happen to my brother if something should happen to my parents.

    My color today is getting a phone call from my brother saying that he got my care package and he loved the goldfish crackers.

  400. Wow, your post moved me…there have been times over the past 19 years of my son’s life that I have contemplated life expectancy and the reality of what that may mean slams me in the face. I am also an eternal optimist so I don’t dwell on what may be, I live in the present and revel in every moment of it. I’m grateful everyday for my past too, without our medical sciences being what they are now Jared may not have survived birth but he is here and we are loving life! Thank you for being so honest in your post and continue to cherish today because you are right, that is really all that matters!

  401. Oh Kelle…there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t worry about prematurely losing my girls- it is probably the greatest fear in my life and your post speaks directly to me.

    My little gray this week is bittersweet. I will be welcoming my 2nd girl into the work via c-section this Friday but I can help feeling a little bittersweet that tomorrow is Regan (my firstborn) and I’s last day as just the two of us. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited too but I’m just hope I am ready to divide my love and attention.

    Can’t wait to see pictures of your new bathroom!

  402. My gray this week comes in the shape of the pants I have hanging in the closet for way too long that never fit me until this morning… doesn’t look big! Gray is good Kelle, it’s a reminder to reflect on what we have and where we are going, to brighter sunnier days!

  403. My gray- seeing my husband, the hardest working man I know, now laid off of work, struggle with finding work, wanting nothing more than to provide for his family.

    My color- the kindness in others- and how everything seems to happen for a reason. And how our children seem to know when we need a laugh or a little smile.

  404. I want to do my happy first.

    Color: We’ve had great family moments this week. They are my favorite.

    Gray: My job depresses me. I’m impatiently waiting for a call for an interview. I hate waiting.

  405. What is giving me gray this week? Probably the lack of patience on moving and where to move to

    Love the songs that you picked for this post

  406. My gray this week was dropping off my 11 week old for the first time while I went to work. But, the look on her face when she woke up from her nap and realized I was back…oh, it was good.

  407. My gray this week is the realization that I’m not fulfilled professionally with my current job and yet, that this job is perfect for my little boy, who I love dearly.
    And my color for this week are these delicious fish tacos I made for dinner tonight with a beautiful, colorful pico de gallo!
    Love your blog, it is beautiful!

  408. my gray this week is that im spending it without my husband, who is a Marine….my color is my children 3yrs and 4 months the other 2 “loves of my life” I could not imagine my life without them and how gray life would ALWAYS be if I didnt have them!

    I look forward to reading your inspiring posts and seeing the pictures of your beautiful little girls everyday, so thank you!

  409. Oh wow, this really rocked me to the core…. I love your dad, he is just the epitome of love to me.

    My gray…. My husband stressing out over his job, not sleeping last night because of it and keeping me up. My daughter having an OCD meltdown this morning before school. Who do I turn to? No one, I just took some pain pills to numb myself and sleep some more to get away from the reality. But, I still turned to God and know that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13″

    My day did get better as my daughter and I talked some more and I cured some of her ailments and my husband brought home a beautiful red rose with velvet petals so red and deep. I am loved by two people so deeply it hurts.

  410. Wow – this line couldn’t fit me more right now if we tried: “I’m treading, I’m figuring this out, I’m doing what works for me.”
    The little happy for me is that I am more ahead on report cards than I usually am. Cautiously optimistic though – those who finish first are not always the winners.

  411. my gray is living each day with the pretty raw reality that i buried my precious newborn son six months ago.

    my color is living each day with his six month old twin, whose laughter makes all his fat rolls jiggle, whose blue eyes see right to my insides, and who is slowly but surely reaching his milestones in his own due time.

    the gray and the color bleed and run together; the grief and joy dance a sacred dance; one doesn’t fully exist without the other. this is my daily bittersweet world. i’m learning how to embrace and celebrate both.

    allyson =)

  412. My gray this week was the realization that in under a month I will be saying goodbye to my amazing husband and partner as her departs for his 5th deployment. They do get easier, but the loneliness is no less.

  413. My gray is my fat. My never leaving, always by my side, fat. It won’t go. And I do try. I start diet after diet. I hate it. I feel like a failure. I have always been fat and never skinny. Well, once, after college when I starved myself for a year and walked approximately 10 miles a day. That year I was a normal human. A normal size 14 girl. : ( Your gray is so much graver than mine. I am sorry to even mention something so petty.

    And my happy? My moment of joy? There are so many. Every day there are SO many moments of joy. Today my Kaish is sick. He has a terrible cold. And you know, when he is sick he is cuddly. So, this morning, despite having nearly one zillion things on my list of things to do, i cuddled with my ten year old. Relished in his hair smell. His smile. His little cheeks. I am savoring these days because I know they are shortlived.

    Wishing you joy in your new color filled bathroom! Love, Becky

  414. my gray this week is being strong through my husbands depression. it’s been rough… actually no unbearable at times, yet somewhere inside me i find the strength to get through each day. my 4 1/2 mo. old girl has been my light through gloomy days.

  415. What.A.Great.Post. Seriously.

    I just love your blog and it always guarantees a smile, even when I’m in a gray mood. And this song…perfect. My 3.5yr old sings along with me to Coldplay and just makes me burst.

    Have fun with the bathroom!

  416. My gray cloud these past few days has been of my own thoughts and what-ifs. Sometimes I get into the gray part of life and I can’t get out. But then my little hauls out the crayons and colors in my world, one scribble at a time.

  417. I forgot to mention the colors in my life….the colors would have to be my amazing friends even if they do live far away reminding me that God will make a way for me to be out on my own when the time is right.

  418. My gray this week has been that I can’t please everyone no matter how hard I try…but my sunshine in that gray is that my oldest son has show and tell in Kindergarten on Friday. They have to bring something “near and dear to their heart” and of all the toys, games etc. he chooses me! Not a picture of me..but he wants me there in the flesh as his show and tell. This out does any gray! So I say to gray skies…Bring it on!

  419. I am on a mountain this week, I know there are valleys in the future as we have just exited one…but for now no grey just lots and lots of beautiful colors and I’m soaking up every minute of them!

  420. My gray this week is a catch 22, as the Hubs got called back to work after a layoff, which is good, but we now only get 1 1/2 hours of family time before the girls are in bed. I miss him. The colorful part being that he is back to work and even though it doesn’t look like for long again I am so appreciative of him doing what he does for us.

  421. my grey this week is feeling completely overwhelmed by my 3 kids ages 4 and under. now that the 9month old is really crawling all over the place and is getting her 8th tooth(crazy crazy) and cant sleep and be comfortable, i cant spend tiem with the older 2 boys. so i am torn into 3 uneven pieces.

    my color is that i have made time for yoga each early morning and feel great and each late evening reading EAT PRAY LOVE. first book i have read in a very long time.

    ps my boys are super excited to watch the space shuttle tomorrow afternoon. we waited today only to find it has been postponed.

  422. Your post is a perfectly timed one for me. My job has been beating me down this past 10 days- making me feel worn and tired and rather– glum and gray actually. Your thoughts about Nella bring tears to my eyes and make me want to bear these minor troubles in my life a little more bravely.

    But then- my evening tonight with my kids just made me feel SO SO happy. Ice cream cones, a happy bath, Fancy Nancy for bedtime and huge hugs and kisses. :)

  423. Oh, this post took my breath away. I wish I could NOT worry about the future and live in the now but I am a worry-er and the thought of my boy leaving me before I leave this earth has crossed my mind MANY times. The thought of that can make me spill tears at the drop of a hat. It is National Down Syndrome Awareness Week here in Canada, and it’s got me thinking about all the things I can do to promote awareness which brings me to my gray. It happened during an outing with girlfriends. One of them used the “r” word to describe the size of an object. It was an immediate stab to the heart for me and there was an uncomfortable silence at the table immediately after it was said. My mind was racing to figure out a way to address it without hurting the person who obvioulsy did not intend to harm…What brought me colour though, is, well, she owned it. After realizing she had just said the “r” word, she apologized profusely through tears and said she knew she was guilty of using that word and she was trying so hard to change. That she had read something I wrote about the word before and realized how hurtful the word was and that it just was not ok for her to use it EVER. And she was oh so sorry. You know, the fact that our family can change attitudes towards Ds or any disability is all I can ask for. I will continue to advocate with all my might but, gawd…I love that woman for owning it.

  424. my gray is finding out my 7 year old son needs some reading help. it’s great that he is able to get help, and there is nothing wrong with that…but with that reality, came guilt and sadness. what could i have done more of? or better prepared him for? it’s hard wiping your kids tears…at 7…when they feel defeated in school already.

    the cozy of winter is here, and brightening my gray. cheers. missy.

  425. As I read your comment about holding Nella’s hand before she holds yours I can’t help but think to myself that you were chosen. Nella chose you because you’re special. So if it ends up that in the far future, and it will be far, that you are holding hers before she holds yours then I know that it’s because you were chosen for your strength and the love that she knew you’d have for her. She knew you were the one before you knew she was the one. I just know though that many many years from now things will be so different and advanced that she WILL be the one holding your hand, because she has inherited your strength. She knew you’d need her.

    And one thing is for sure, there ain’t no gray in that smile of hers!

  426. Similarly this week I have been feeling anxious about the fact that I cannot protect my little one forever. Bad things will happen, her heart will be broken, and I can’t stop those things from happening.
    The color are these good friends that come out of the woodwork to visit with for hours on end at random times of the week. I love those spontaneous happy moments!

  427. My gray this week is not having enough time to be involved in a fundraiser for my sons pre-school. Always brings out the guilt of working full time instead of being at home full-time.

    My colours unfortunately don’t come from a bathroom renovation (which I should very well plan as well!!!!!) but from a 6 year old girl who winks at me when I get home, and a 3 year old boy who won’t let go of my leg repeating “I love you”.

  428. My gray this week is not having enough time to be involved in a fundraiser for my sons pre-school. Always brings out the guilt of working full time instead of being at home full-time.

    My colours unfortunately don’t come from a bathroom renovation (which I should very well plan as well!!!!!) but from a 6 year old girl who winks at me when I get home, and a 3 year old boy who won’t let go of my leg repeating “I love you”.

  429. My Gray is that my very first and only little so far had to get his shots today. I know its minute in the scheme of things and that I should be thankful that I can vaccinate my baby but it has been a miserable day! Your site ALWAYS cheers me up!! Your inspiring!!

  430. My gray this week…..suffering a miscarriage but my little girl has brought back the color and gives me hope. I have to put all my trust in God with these things as I’m not new to it at all and good does come with time and patience.

    And I’m very grateful to have came across your blog because you have a way with words that I’ve never read before. Thank You for showing me that there is more time life and finding enjoyment in the small things.

  431. My gray this week…..suffering a miscarriage but my little girl has brought back the color and gives me hope. I have to put all my trust in God with these things as I’m not new to it at all and good does come with time and patience.

    And I’m very grateful to have came across your blog because you have a way with words that I’ve never read before. Thank You for showing me that there is more time life and finding enjoyment in the small things.

  432. kelle…once again you have opened my heart and allowed me to “give myself a break”. my gray this week…and for many weeks now has been trying and not yet succeeding to get pregnant. i have wanted to be a mother for as long as i can remember ever wanting to be anything! my colors come in the babies around me. although it is hard sometimes to make the visit to a friend with a little- i always leave with a lighter heart and a brighter outlook! thank you for always writing it just so!

    your babes are so so beautiful. thank you for sharing your gray with us out here. and for sharing your colors too!

  433. Wow….
    After reading this post and comments I feel the need to pray and eat a whole bowl of icing.We all have gray days but after reading some I feel like mine are so petty.
    But If I had to say I gray it would be that Jana is still not walking but the color and what a sweet color it was that she told me love you today. That was the most beautiful color in the box today:)

  434. grey-i’m a 1st grade teacher and we had a field trip today…i sent 2 reminders yesterday and still had zero children show up with their booster seats and only three brought their $3. =(
    color-my students applied what i’ve taught them on the field trip! they explored simple machines and learned about pioneer days and i saw the knowledge transfer before my very eyes…LOVE that! =)

  435. I’m livin the gray every day. It’s been 15 weeks since my angel went to heaven. She was not alone, she was not incoherent and she did understand. Understand that she was going to heaven. She was loved and she knew it. She loved life. She taught me more in her short 24 years than I could have learned in a lifetime. Every day matters. Every day is a gift.

  436. Oh Kelle, I am at a loss for words. My heart feels your pain and I weep for you. But I smile for you at the same time, because you are a strong woman, who can find the good in just about anything. My grey this week? Not being a good friend. Getting caught up in my own craziness that I forgot to remember others, and now I have to go back and explain myself and ask for forgiveness. My joy? Reading your Tuesday post and getting totally inspired to make my own canvas portraits. Went to Michaels today and bought the canvas, and just ordered my prints. I absolutley cannot wait! And the savings of it all? Completely thrills me and gives me a sense of victory! Hugs to you <3

  437. My Grey is somewhere tucked in the back of my conscious; be that it’s this week or another, that’s a mute point. I miss my mom. I miss her something fierce. It’s been over 5 years, and yes, I held her hand and told her it was ok to go; it was the worst. But she was freed from her body, so it was the best. I used to talk to her every day. We gardened together and we would plan together in the winter what identical plants we would plant in the spring. She taught me how to cook, bake, sew, knit, craft, garden, and most importantly, how to love. She taught me to love who I was. Yeah, she was the original rockstar. I was raised by a rockstar.

    My color is my daughter and my husband. My color is also very much my mom. I see glimpses of her in Alex. And my husband sees Florence emerge in me as a mom and as a person.

    As you said it’s an ebb and flow. And I empathize with your week. You never want to outlive your own child, but to live in fear is a death sentence in itself. At church tonight Pastor Henry said that fear and confidence are polar opposites. We cannot live in fear, but should let our confidence and faith in our beliefs carry us.

    Thanks Kelle for making us admit the grey. You’re right…there’s a purpose to it.

    Tearfully and Joyfully,

    Jennifer from Annapolis

  438. My gray for this week is the fact that I am getting closer to having to play the mom and dad role in my 2 year olds life. My husband leaves soon to go over seas with the military. I usually put it behind me and not think about it but when i do (which is about once a week) it over comes me. I pray it will get easier as time goes on..

    And I understand your gary very much. My cousin was born with water on the brain and many many many more things wrong. We were told 2 years top and he made it 25. Every year was a blessing.

    Keep pushing on.. And try not to let it get you down.

  439. My gray this week would be having to move my entire classroom! Yes, I now have 15 special needs kids in one room and I’m running out of space! Although, it’s gonna be a pain in the butt to move everything..what joys those little kiddos are going to have with a Double room:)

  440. My gray is knowing there will be no more “littles” (most likely) in my future, but my color is the happiness I get from sewing for babies, who need things.

  441. I don’t need a bib- or maybe some would say I do if you saw my 15 month old after he eats. I wanted to say I LOVE your blog, you inspired me to start my own. I also have a 3- year old girl and my 15 month old boy. My “gray” this week is my 3 year old as she struggles with her independence and her need for me. It can come out in a very “gray” or very black color, but we will find our way and that is the color that brings me joy. Thanks for the inspiration and the tears…..

  442. SO CUTE! :)

  443. My gray this week was rather large and scary. I am 29 weeks pregnant and may be developing preeclampsia. Running tests, so we’ll see…my color was the baby shower my coworkers threw me today.

  444. miss lovely~
    as a mother, i get what you are saying. completely. and i know that you know that the future is unknown. none of us know when our time is up, and that baby girl may outlive all of you – we simply don’t know. i leave for india in five days – with a girlfriend, on my own, without the five men that mean the most to me. i feel a little selfish going – to take photos because i have dreamed of it forever. what if something happens? would it be worth it? but we have to live. we have to take every single thing we can out of this magnificent life. that way, when our time is up, we know we have done it all and loved it enough.

  445. my grey this week is a friend of my husbands was killed in a car crash at the age of 39 so young and he left behing a young family. So sad and tragic.

    My colour is my girls! They are just so full of life, love and happines they make me smile even when I am feeling grey.

  446. I love reading your blog. It makes my heart happy reading about Nella. My best friend had a little boy with downs 19 months ago and he has been the light of my life every since. I also grew up with a cousin that is 38 who as downs so it has never been anything but normal to me. Your daughter will have that outlook which is a wonderful thing!

    My gray this week is having to have a hysterectomy at 28 while still being single and childless.

    My Color this week has come in the reassurance that one day I will have a child. One that someone else brought into this world for me to love and for whom I will be forever grateful for!

    Thank you for being such an inspiration and ray of sunshine on days when some of us find it difficult to put one foot in front of the other!

  447. Coincidentally my gray is also my color. I am 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and going for my first ultrasound in the morning. I have had 2 miscarriages since I had my daughter 3 years ago and I am terrified that it will be bad news tomorrow; however, today…I am pregnant and thrilled to be.

  448. Kelle, I don’t know how you do it. When I first read Nella’s birth story nearly a year ago and was telling my husband about her, life expectancy was one of the first things we talked about. Since then that thought comes to me now and then and it just kills me. Again, I don’t know how you do it. Looking into her baby blues knowing what you know…But there is so much more that’s not known. There is a beautiful plan for each and every year, each and every day that she’s here. I know how much I love my three. Gazing at them while they sleep, watching them play. I don’t know what I would do. I look at these pictures of Nella and they bring tears to my eyes. She is gorgeous. I think you are amazing for realizing what a gift each day is. How you soak up every minute…I love that. She is a gem, both of your girls are. In this house we love Nella Cordelia & Lainey Love. Know that there are many prayers offered up for you and yours coming from this heart of mine.

    And right now I’m gonna dwell in that gray place. The kids are in bed, the hubby is working late and I just want to think about you and pray for your family while I have this quiet time. You have touched so many, you have touced me…this is the least I can do!

    Angie from Ohio

  449. Great post, Kelle! You are encouraging as always!

    My gray and my colors this week were the same.

    I got to meet and love on my 5 mos. old daughter in Ethiopia for the first time! Big, bright, happy colors, becoming the mama to this beautiful girl!

    And then I had to leave her in the care of the orphanage until her paperwork gets processed to legally leave the country and enter the US. Impossibly hard. But, I just have to focus on the fact that we should be able to get her home in about a month!

  450. Kelly that must be really hard to even think about the life expectancy of sweet Nella. So much can change in 20 years I cant imagine how much will be different in 50!!! I love that your positive and colorful outlook always muscles out your gray though! :)

    My Grey this week is hubby and I at odds over whether I treat my 2 yr old different from my 4 yr old. And us disagreeing and fighting a lot about my belief that they should be treated differently. In many ways one knows better (by now) and the other is just learning. So I do react differently to the same offenses. Not sure if that makes him or me right or wrong but something tells me we are somewhere in the middle… in the GRAY! πŸ˜‰

    My color this week is getting caught up on my blog with cute Halloween photos. :)

  451. My “gray” is mixed with every color of the rainbow. BitterSWEET. My baby boy turned one a few days ago and what would not seem like a big deal at all—dropping his bottles and switching to milk in a cup—is a little sad for me. Feeding my crazy and active little man those bottles every few hours each day have been the only time I get to hold that sweet calm baby in my arms and stare into his beautiful eyes. It’s hard letting go of that! But I am finding JOY and all bright color in all the other fun new things I get to enjoy with him! His personality is in FULL bloom and he is so. much. FUN. I have found my inner child again and could not be more blessed to spend my days like that with him! Accepting change can be good. :-)

  452. Maybe it is because I have been viewing your blog for awhile now, but when I look at the images of Nella, I can’t even see she has Down’s anymore. Like, really cannot see it even if I look for it–all I see is your beautiful baby girl.

    Your posts always hit home with me b/c our children are almost exactly the same ages, although mine are two little boys.

    Today’s definitely brought some tears to my eyes and a hard ache to my heart. I guess all one can say is that the colors will pop brighter against the grays.

  453. Maybe it is because I have been viewing your blog for awhile now, but when I look at the images of Nella, I can’t even see she has Down’s anymore. Like, really cannot see it even if I look for it–all I see is your beautiful baby girl.

    Your posts always hit home with me b/c our children are almost exactly the same ages, although mine are two little boys.

    Today’s definitely brought some tears to my eyes and a hard ache to my heart. I guess all one can say is that the colors will pop brighter against the grays.

  454. Your post made me so sad. But I love the fact that you are a the glass is half full kind of person. My gray this week: I can’t keep up with my schedule. My colors are my wonderful husband and 7 children, though!! XO

  455. Ah, sh**, you said it…the gray cloud that finds it way to me all too often during these past years with my 4 year old beautiful daughter. Life expectancy. How will I have the strength to hold her hand and say goodbye? How can I live a single second without her? Yet (if she outlives me) how can I not be there for her to say goodbye? Who will hold her hand? Will she be alone? How can I not be there to tell her I love her when she needs me most? Will her brother be there for her? Perhaps a husband? A friend?

    Every day I try to decide what would be better. I think so much about it that you would think I have a choice in the matter. I guess I am just trying to find pros/cons to each scenario to make me feel better. For now, I’ve decided that we (me, husband, daughter) will all peacefully enter heaven at the exact same time. Problem solved! =)

    And for the daily color — damn, my little girl is so stinkin’ fun, cute, bossy, stubborn and smart. She and her brother (2 years younger) are the best of friends and I am forever grateful they have one another!

    Jill B (Overland Park, KS)

    –Love you, Poppa Rik! Really, I didn’t know is was possible to think so highly of someone I’ve have never met! You don’t know how much it means to be that you took the time to be there for that woman. I hope and pray someone will be so kind to do the same for my daughter if I cannot be there.

    –I’ve read through all of the beautiful comments. Thoughts to each of you as your gray turns to color!

  456. My grey too is that even science can’t tell me an approximate life expectancy of 2 of my little girls. But when they bury their faces into my shoulder when they’re tired or shy, or laugh at the funny part of the story, they can make my heart smile and the whole world seem brighter.

  457. I’m not going to lie, your blog made me sad tonight when I read it and saw adorable Nella but it also made me happy to see you’re enjoying the today, the right now. I hope you have many more “todays” ahead of you :)

  458. AND – I meant to include this before… Your words and attitude are beautiful. You seem so strong. I hope you get to enjoy many DECADES with your sweet children. But most importantly, a beautiful TODAY!

  459. my gray has been trying to make ends meet since my husband got laid off! My color is without a doubt my two little girls. I’d be nothing without them!!

  460. My gray this week is getting caught up in other’s bummer situations! As much as I feel bad for my friends…my happy is being ever so thankful that I have a loving and faithful husband and I’m not in those bummer situations.

  461. Well despite 450 previous comments I will add mine in the change that it will make someone smile or nod.

    My two healthy-for-now kids (aged 4 and 6) had a frank discussion about moms and how sad it was that my moms’ mom is not here and she died before I got to know her. That of course led to when are you going to die. I reassured them it would be when I’m 70 and they are adults, maybe even grandparents. And even that was not late enough. My sensitive Logan wanted reassurance that I would be last, after him. If perhaps, decades in the future, your sweet souls die before you, take solace in the potential that their sweet hearts could not handle you leaving first. Sometimes that is the way of life. Backwards but right all at once. We always called Logan my backwards boy. He did everything in the wrong order, and if he should pass before me, I would only hope that it was for a very important second life, work as an angel, etc.

    Hugs. My gray moment was a talking to at work about how much I stink as an architect. And my complete misery. Only to be followed by a team of supporters of “Team Me” that lifted my spirits into realizing it’s not me, it’s them, and I can survive til I find something new, and my goodness I will deserve every moment of happiness in this new place when it comes. Someday.Three layoffs. Ready for happiness again.

  462. my “gray” this week-
    my husband has kidney disease (age 33) and at some point we know he will need another major surgery. He only has one working kidney and both of his kidney’s are connected, so we worry about the “good” kidney getting infected. On Tuesday my hubby asked me to take him to the ER for kidney pain. After several tests they think he passed a stone (he has passed over 35) and we were able to leave!!
    Knowing that everything is OK for NOW just reminded me of how special NOW is :-) I am not promised tomorrow so I need to make the best of today!
    Thanks for your post!

  463. My gray is that I’m really struggling with having to work outside the home while my last baby grows up…I can’t believe he is 16 weeks tomorrow! :( But the gray is driving me to work harder to get my photography business going full time so I can hopefully become a work at home mom and be here with him sooner rather than later.

  464. My gray this week is the emotion that has come along with our decision to move 3.5 hours from this wonderful, beautiful town of ours. We’ve grown the best friends here and I swore I’d grow old with them here. But move we shall.

    That being said, along side the “throat constricting sadness” is the small splash of color that continues to remind me that He must have really big plans for us in this new town we’re moving to. And for that I’m encouraged.


  465. You know what Kelle? I really have nothing that I should or could call gray at the moment.
    Life in general could do with a litte more colour, but things are good.
    I refer to these days as ‘vegemite sandwich’ days – always something to eat, even if it is not the most exciting and sometimes just a little unpalatable, but we are sustained.
    It’s the ‘creme brulee’ days that we appreciate all the more because we have eaten so many ‘vegemite sandwiches’ they are just about coming out of our ears!
    Love to Poppa. It must have been so difficult for him last week. He has such a loving heart :-).
    So my ‘creme brulee’? Having some renovations done at home, while we are at work. Coming home each day to see what litte transformation has taken place!

  466. My gray is coming home from a long day at work and having my 1 yr old daughter reach for her dad instead of me. My color is 5 minutes later, when she’s petting my hair and whispering in my ear – ma ma, ma ma.

  467. Kelle, I don’t have kids as I am struggling with infertility, so the bib does me no good. Should my comment be chosen I would like you to donate it to a baby in need. I just wanted to tell you my “gray” and my “rainbow after the storm”. Gray: My grandmother passed away on Saturday. My rainbow: Death reminded my family and I that we need to live harder, love stronger, and laugh more often.

  468. My gray is that the hubs is out of town all week. I miss him and so does my daughter. My color is that I get to know my daughter more and more each day. She amazs me. SHe is such a determined little thing. She is going to be quite sassy, I can tell.

  469. Well said Poppa—“Don’t let the worries of tomorrow steal from you the joys of today.”

    The last photo of Nella is adorable.

    My grey is wondering whether my mother who has PKD and is in kidney failure will find a kidney donor. The one we thought she had backed out, and she is inching closer and closer to dialysis.

    My color is seeing my husband’s eyes smile when he looks adoringly at our 19 mo who also has Ds. Seeing him with her makes everything else seem trivial at that moment.

    I think being a parent of a child with special needs is like going to the eye doctor; it isn’t the frame that helps perspective change, it’s the lens. If we become too far-sighted, dwelling on the might be’s and what if’s we’d lose our freaking minds. Being near-sighted and staying focused on the present joys helps keep the lens in perspective. Sure, we can see that there is uncertainty in the future, in some ways more than that of a “typical” child’s parents, but life if fragile and uncertain. So whatever life’s circumstance, pick the frame you like and rock it out in the here and now.

  470. Thank you, Kelle, for reminding all of us that only by holding the grey in one had can we appreciate the colour we hold in the other.

    And thank you to each of the 400+ comments above me. As I’ve read about the struggles and challenges so many of you face, it’s all too clear that in this world we will have troubles, and that the most vibrant colours come from walking through the darkness.

    I’ve been living with my grey for two and half years, since the day I found out my husband was not the man I thought he was. My world literally fell apart for me that day, and I could not imagine living in colour ever again.

    And yet it is because of the challenges we have faced, and not despite them, that I can honestly say I love him more today than I ever have. My colour is the colour of hope, of the light at the end of the tunnel, and the new dreams that I hold for my family.

    “I’m treading, I’m figuring this out, I’m doing what works for me.” Amen.


    P.S. The world needs more people like your Poppa. To give of himself, to fill a need for a virtual stranger, is nothing short of beautiful.

  471. As a special education teacher I have a similar grey… losing my little ones before it is their time is a place that I rarely like to go. But reality says that their bodies have already gone through so much (surgeries, seizures, the list goes on). But I too replace those greys with the magentas of one of my wheelchair bound “babies” in a walker for the first time at school, sitting in a “regular” chair for reading instruction, and being next to the toilet when another goes potty like a big boy for the first time at age 11!!! Oh yes, those greys are not easy to think of at times, but the vivid colors that fill my classroom daily drown them out…

  472. Thank you for your beautiful post and the realism of it all.

    My “gray”…worrying about a friend who is currently undergoing all the IVF shots and patches and such to try and get pregnant. We will know right after Thanksgiving if it works. My “gray” is trying to be so optimistic it will work but also worrying like crazy that it’s not going to and the devastation that will follow.

    Also ,that our house has been on the market for a year and a half and we can’t move forward in our life plans until it sells…which I wonder will ever truly happen.

  473. Dear Miss Optimism,
    Gray is the realization that there are things I will never have time to do, books I will never read, words I will never have time to write.

    But the color shines through when I remind myself of my favorite quote that says, “Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.”

    I need to paint the bounderies of my life’s expectancy in that color.

    Crying Rainbows in NE

  474. My gray is the random pain episodes my two year old has been having for the last 2 weeks and the fact that no one can tell me what’s causing them. In way that’s a positive, too, because her anatomy is completely normal. The greatest color for me is the outpouring of support from friends near a far.
    Nella is getting bigger and more beautiful every day.

  475. Kelle

    First of all, thank you for writing you are amazing!!!! I don’t know if you will read this or even get this but I wondered if you could do a post on your Poppa.

    You guys seem like you have such an amazing relationship that is so rare and so beautiful! Please don’t think I am crazy but your dad is such an example to me of the love of Jesus.

    When you posted him hoisting the boombox on his shoulders for two miles I cried…! I want to be your dad (except I am a mom!)for my children! Please please please can you do a post on your Poppa–please

  476. I have a complicated gray this week… or more like 2 grays. My 94-year-old grandmother has been visiting and staying with us… a special time with me and my boys that I treasure. She’s completely amazing… she’s 94, lives by herself in a beautiful condo on the bay by the beach, has an abundance of family and friends, is super sharp and witty, does email and Facebook, and on and on. Totally amazing. But sometimes she can get to feeling really, really sorry for herself and as much as I try to empathize, it hurts me to hear, “Wait until you are 94.” The only thing close to tragedy that she has experienced is the loss of my grandfather when he was 80… after a lifetime of love, 56 years of marriage, 3 kids, 8 grandkids, many travels, and years living in the condo on the bay by the beach. I keep thinking, if I live to 94, I will probably have buried a child… my sweet boy with the magical chromosome. And the thought of giving birth to my son and burying him takes my breath away. And in those crazy moments where I allow myself to try to imagine that, I only think that if that does happen, then my sweet boy would have never been without me, never taken one breath without me, never not known my love. Crazy, huh?

    And my other gray this week is my own mortality… my annual mammogram is on Friday. I’m 35. My mom was only a year older than me when she got stage 3 breast cancer back in 1983. She’s a complete inspiration and lives each day as if it is her last and is now 63! For the past 5 years, every 6 months, I march into the Breast Center for either a mammogram or breast MRI, knowing that I must face reality and face it head on. I sit there in that moment of time, that small sliver of space, wondering if this is The Time. And wonder if my boys will grow up without a mom and my husband without his wife. And each time when I am given the all clear, I march out of that office, take a deep, cleansing, grateful breath, and head to the cafe for a fabulous cup of coffee. And delight in driving home in rush hour traffic because I am alive, healthy, have a great cup of coffee and the minivan to myself! :)

    Kind of crazy… this week’s juxtaposition of my son’s mortality and my own. But, ah, the beauty of one day at a time.

    And my colors are always my boys… my sweet Ian with his magical chromosome and his new animal sounds… I never thought I would get choked up and teary at hearing my little snake “hiss” with a beautiful, life-affirming grin. And my sweet boy Joey who has the day off from school tomorrow… and I am looking forward to the rain forecast because we have the entire day in the house and I get to soak up all of him that I miss now that he is in all-day kindergarten. I love who he is and who he is becoming but these days off allow me to slip back into the comfort of the days when he was little and our day was open and free and home was all around us…

  477. Whew…the tears ran honestly down my cheeks with this post. But thank you, Kelle, for stirring our emotions so poignantly.

    My gray(s) this week….having strep throat and crashing like I haven’t in a while. Finding out that a friend of a friend committed suicide over the weekend, leaving behind a sweet little girl and wife who only has a hastily scribbled post-it note with his last words. I don’t even know them, but it shook me.

    Happy colors: the pink flush returning to my cheeks now that the antibiotics are kicking some bacterial booty. The yellows, browns and reds on the leaves falling to the ground. The color of my and my son’s citrine birthstone, because we both have birthdays this month. All of the colors in the candy bowl leftover from Halloween. Yum.

    My sister is having her first baby next year – after years of trying -and I know she would love a cute bib.

    Happy November, Kelle.

  478. My gray is an alcoholic father who could die and never know God’s loving grace. my bright color is my husband introducing the Oompa Loompa’s to our 1 year old son tonight and the goodnight kiss my 11 year old daughter placed on my cheek.

  479. Those eyes are enchanting…your family is amazing. Marissa

  480. kelle,
    thank you for your definition of grey. i am encouraged. i have had my own grey days this week for many many reasons and i like to proclaim myself as the over optimist but sometimes, its downright exhausting. thank you for the uplifting note. youre wonderful with your words and i admire your strength! love to you and your girls!

  481. my grey was today – i booked the flight to leave my babies for 4 days for work.

    my color – knowing my babies will be in the capable hands of their daddy and hoping those 4 days will strengthen the bond between them. also anticipating the day i return and the ginormous hugs and smiles that will await me (silver lining to leaving).

  482. my grey was today – i booked the flight to leave my babies for 4 days for work.

    my color – knowing my babies will be in the capable hands of their daddy and hoping those 4 days will strengthen the bond between them. also anticipating the day i return and the ginormous hugs and smiles that will await me (silver lining to leaving).

  483. My gray is family serving on the mission field miles upon miles away from family during the holiday season BUT my color is that some will come to know Him because of their presence there:)

  484. Oh boy, your hand holding remark got my throat all constricted.

    My gray this week and happy this week are one in the same I think. My baby had a cardiologist appt on Friday, first one in 6 months to check on her vsd. She hadn’t gone for so long because she’s doing so well and I kind of almost got to pretend it didn’t exist, she is thriving and so healthy. But being back at that office, seeing her cry and try to comfort her as she endured a long echo and ekg…thinking over and over that no baby should have a cardiologist…the reality all came back of her diagnosis and the whole thing just makes me sad and feel bad.
    But my happy, my color, is that the hole got smaller and she is so healthy, it’s not affecting her. We’re cleared to not come back till she’s 2! Nine hole months. Gray and happy.

    Hugs Kelle!!

  485. My grey… my mom speechless and in tears on the phone this week about my younger brother dealing with scoliosis and the possibility of him having to have a rod put into his back. Trying to help her see the bright side of “that grey”…

  486. Your post really touched me. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with us.

    My gray this week is my anxiety. I’ve been struggling with it and trying to keep perspective so that I can enjoy each day instead of getting bogged down.
    My color this week– oh without a doubt it is my boys. My chubby, delicious, just started babbling baby and his funny, creative, challenging but always loving big brother.

  487. I’m full of prayers for a family in need. 4 children, two of which are 2-month-old twins and the mom suddenly developed a heart condition and needed heart surgery this past week and will likely have another in 5 years before needing a transplant. The positive? Surgery went well and her recovery is going well. God is good!

  488. My gray this week? Preschool….picking out a preschool that is right for Joaquin and that will accept Joaquin…it’s scary…it’s unchartered territory…but I’m ready to sail.
    My little happy? Joaquin peeing on command. Funny how the smallest silliest things can make my week! It’s hilarious…mostly because he cracks himself up while he does it!

  489. Although I don’t need the bibs, which are adorable, I wanted to post my gray. Ever since I have read your blog I have come across some other people blogging about adoption of special needs children. I have always been drawn to these children, throughout high school and my entire teaching career. I find them (all special needs) amazing and such a gift given to this world. I was taken back by the horrific stories of these poor babies over in EEurope. I stumbled upon Reece’s Rainbow and ever since that day over 6 months ago I have been trying to wrap my head around adoption. So this is my gray for this week. I can’t seem to get their faces out of my head and I can’t help but feel that undescribable pull towards what I know will forever change our family. But after a day like we had in our house (screaming 18mth old-teething and an attitude filled 3 yr old and babysitting a very awnry 2 yr old) I am just not sure. I am there with you on everything you said. And I am so praying for you and your comfort, you my sweet blog friend, didn’t have to option of whether you wanted her or not. I appreciate your honesty and making my emotions about this seem not so un-natural. May God comfort you and thanks for reminding me to take a breath and soak it all in.

  490. WoW!!just scrolled thru your comments and have never left one before, although I always feel such odd connections to you for some strange reason.. but tonite after re-painting my newly gray bathroom, I came into bed checked your blog and was blown away by your words as I often am.. yes its ok to be a lil gray sometimes and I was very hesitant on my gray bathroom but it “rocks” strangely enough I picked a color for an accent wall in my bedroom and lo and behold its the almost identical color as your new bathroom color.. cant wait to see it and look forward to reading your beautiful words and viewing your creative photos.. I too am a photographer who left a full time teachers aide position to persue what I love. well enough of my rambling.. just so happy I finally posted a coomment.. thanks for helping me “enjoy the small things”

  491. Kelle, you inspire a new love of life everyday. Even on the gray days.

    Our gray day: Knowing that we are saying good bye far too soon to my husband’s aunt after a courageous struggle with cancer.

    Our color: The impromptu trip I took…throwin my 4 year old, 2 1/2 year old and 6 week old in my van, grabbing my mother in law and driving from California to Idaho JUST to say good bye. It the spontaneous moments that I often find filled with the most love!

  492. My gray this week was the passing of my beautiful Great Grandmother. Even at 90 years of age she was taken too soon.

    The color in it all? Seeing just how beautiful of a legacy she left and how incredible my family is. You can learn a lot from a woman who was married for 71 years and fought for her life until the very end.

  493. GRAY: my two little guys squabbling over who gets to sit in my lap.

    COLOR: my two little guys squabbling over who gets to sit in my lap!

    Cuz none of us are promised tomorrow and, inspired by this blog, I try to focus on the good and focus on today!

    Lobbing a Crayola bomb your way.

  494. I’ve just recently been introduced to your blog and your family. I love it! I have a 5mth old boy with DS. It’s funny, your blog post today mirrors thoughts i have sometimes too. I also wonder what would happen if my hubs and I “go” before he does…who would take care of him? I’ve got 2 daughters that LOVE him and SQUEEZE him and can’t get ENOUGH of him but still those thoughts are there. But then I come back to the here and now and try to appreciate the present…because the present is where all those beautiful colours are!

  495. I love this… it feels like a little something we like to do that we call High/Low. Okay, my gray this week would be worring about money. My color would be having 5 photoshoots in 3 days to help pay the bills! And my girls of course… they are oh-so-colorful! (I can never seem to just stick to one ‘high’ or ‘color’!)

  496. reading your blog made my gray feel so petty and stupid. But then again, I often feel like I should not have the gray that I do and I should not let it bother me.

    my color…my gorgeous, healthy, intelligent, funny babies. They are my forever color.

    thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  497. My gray this week is my imminent return to work in less than three weeks, and the realization that someone else will be caring for my soon to be 1 year old preemie. Who has hydrocephalus, a shunt, and is fairly delayed. Does he have separation anxiety? I have no idea, because I’m always there.

    But I have three more wonderful weeks to spend with my little guy. And being around other children will surely do him good.. modeling after them, learning to play with other children and interact. And he’ll still be my sunshine every day when I get home from work.

  498. I sit here studying at school, study break and that one brought tears to my eyes. I felt your words.
    the thing coloring my world right now are dum dums. i have a big bag of them with an assortment of flavors. I get back to my studies now.

  499. I just love this post; your writing is so raw and full of real emotions. It had me in tears.

    My grey this week is waiting to find out if my proposal to return to a job I love on a part-time basis (rather than full-time) after my maternity leave is finished will be accepted.

    That said, I really do have lots to be happy about and it mostly has to do with my terrific husband and my two amazing little girls.

  500. My gray has been learning my daughter does truly have a dairy intoloerance. My color comes in knowing we can work with it and rocking my son to sleep today while on my lunch break. Those little moments make those 5 extra minutes magical.

  501. My gray this week: it’s the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death. I cry.

    The joy of the week: my 7-week old daughter whose middle name is my grandma’s name. When she looks at me, my grandma sees me too. I cry again. Happy tears.

  502. My marriage is gray this week. Not bad, just off. Stress of my job and from my husband’s school is throwing us off and we’re just, well…gray.

    My color however, is tomorrow will be brighter (be it actually tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that) and we’ll get back on track because my favorite color, the one that always brings joy to my heart, is the fact that I love this man of mine more than I could put into words and he loves me too. That simple fact makes even the gray days beautiful.

  503. Your openness to delivery the blunt truth inspires me daily. Life is a reality, and sometimes, the aspects are hard to deal with, but alas, they are still there haunting us every day. I feel better about the fact that amidst the world of brightness, you choose to face the gray head on, for what it is, and aknowledge it’s existance. Most people choose to push it away like it’s not really there.

    My gray right now, is knowing that this Holiday season, will be my beloved grandmother’s last with us. A role model, a beautiful and strong woman, and the woman I was named after, I have kept her close and special to me my 27 years of life. Letting her go will be the hardest thing, rivaled by nothing so far in my life. It has taken on a shade of darkest gray in my life I cannot put to words. However, amidst all of this gray, the color in my life right now is my sister welcoming her first child early next year. With life ending, comes new life. This is a child they have waited on for years, and seeing my older sister turn to me for advice, and seeing the excitement written all over her, that is my color. A bright, pepto pink, as only a baby girl can bring into this world of ours!

  504. Your words are beautiful.

    My grey this week . . . separation anxiety. My almost 8 month old is attached to my hip making it difficult to do anything, even take a quick pee. That doesn’t sound grey really. The real grey is that it’s annoying. I think back to my first son who was stillborn one week before he was due (and also diagnosed with Down Syndrome) and remember thinking that every moment with our second son who came a year later would be cherished. And now I’m annoyed.
    The color . . . writing it out. Just getting the words out seem to brighten the day, the annoyance is still there, but it is bright and hopeful and sure to pass at some point. Right now, I’m going to snuggle with my bubba and take a few extra minutes to hold him before bed. You know, for his sake πŸ˜‰

  505. My gray: My daughter’s “accessories” are now more expensive than mine! She has orthotics, hearing aids and will be sporting some very cool Nella spects soon.
    My color: She is the light of my life and that smile gets right to the core of my soul every time she flashes it at me and wraps her little arms around for a hug! She is priceless and worth every penny!

  506. My gray is that I am working full time while my husband is going back to school and we have opposite schedules so that one of us is always with our 11 month old…and my favorite color is coming home from work and my son hearing my voice and crawling as fast as he can to meet me at the door…I just melt!

  507. My gray this week is I’m so darn sleep deprived!
    My color – the cause of the sleep deprivation happy and smiling! And, an extra hour of sleep this weekend!

  508. awesome post. brought tears to my eyes. thank you for reminding me to always enjoy the small things. always.

  509. I live in an area where winter lasts 6 months out of the year (at least). And my gray moment was realizing that winter is here. and it’s here to stay for a long long time. But it made me see the colorful opportunities that snow and Christmas and skiing can bring. And I love those bibs. And I love your blog. It brings so much joy to my day.

  510. This post just makes me wanna hop a plane to Naples and give you agreat big momma Joy hug and tell you to hold her tight and enjoy every blessed second with your girl.
    My gray this week was when my girl asked me about her adoption and who had her in their belly if I didn’t and would she ever meet her…it took my breath away and not in a good way but in a painful way. I want her so badly to be just ours and I know that someday it just may break my heart to have to share her. When she was born it seemed like forever before she would question things like this..damn it is knocking at my door and I am not as cool with it as I thought I would be..I do not want to share my girl.
    My color this week would be that as Gracee was piping cupcakes that she made with her nana she turned to her nana and said “I like making things like my momma makes”…that would be me..I am her momma no matter how she got to me. ♥

  511. my gray is always the same..chronic pain…but you wake up with the gray and decide to make the day yellow instead…works most of the time…but the gray is always the undercoat….

    my thing that brings me the happy is simply love from family…daily…

  512. Thank you for this post, just what I needed to read!

    My gray is that in the past month, my husband has traveled 3 out of four weeks, I’ve had a miscarriage, and we all had horrible colds.

    My color is that I wouldn’t trade it for anything and I know exactly how lucky I am. Of course, I wish I hadn’t lost a baby but it made me realize how incredibly fragile life is and how incredibly lucky I am to have my two little peanuts to tuck in each night. There is nothing like my babies’ smiles and giggles.

    It is so easy to get down in the dumps when life keeps throwing crap your way, but life is beautiful and in my experience, feeling pain just amplifies your feelings of joy, if you let it.

  513. Thanks again for these kinds of posts, they are the ones that refuel me and make me realize im not alone. My grey this week was that I have too much on my plate that I broke down, trying to please everyone and no one understands (in my family) what it is like to be a first time mom of a baby with DS. I feel like a clown trying to keep too many balls afloat! :( BUT! My little guy started trying to flip and does full twists on his mat now, just what his IEP asked for, he is doing sooo well for his five little months!
    PS- He NEEDS that BIB lol :)

  514. My gray this week and many weeks: I’m married and have two children and yet at times I feel completely alone. So much more to that story and was actually thinking of posting about it, but..not sure I’m ready to be that open and vulnerable to the blogging world. At least I know you’ll have a million comments so mine will easily be missed but somewhat therapeutic to put it in writing :)
    My color – I have a roof over my head. My husband loves our children with all of his heart. And my kids adore me – as crazy as that is :) Lucas is sayin mamamamama right now too and it’s awesome.

  515. My gray today was definitely the scare of possibly losing our unborn baby. My bright color was the hope of knowing that my little one is kept in the safe hands of the one who gives us life.

  516. My gray: sleep deprivation from my 5 month old whose teething is much more laborious than I remember my 3 year old daughter’s being.

    My color:The same little guy reaching his little palm up to rest on my cheek while I feed him. It slays me. And reminds me that the real gray would be to not have the privilege of waking up to take care of such a sweet little dude.

    Love your blog, Kelle. Loved this post.

  517. My gray this week is that our cat peeed on the couch again and I am at a lost on what to do. He is my daughters cat and she loves him but I WILL NOT put up with cat pee. My happiness is watching my youngest smile and coo at her sister.

  518. ,,,gray gets a bad rap, it’s a beautiful color and deserves to be celebrated like we do when we are feeling “pink, purple or orange”,,,

  519. Oh Kelle. I just can’t imagine having to hold that potato and I’m sorry you do. I wish I had grand words of wisdom, but I don’t. The idea leaves me speechless, really.

    I have to admit that I live in gray a lot, really. I’m not a dedicated pessimist, but not really an optimist either. But today I don’t gave a gray to share, and although if I sat on it I’m sure I could come up with one, I’m not going to force the issue. Because a day when I can’t immediately call to mind a battle I’m waging – well, that’s some color right there. (Says Amber of the Aubergine Dining Room.)

    (The self portrait is GORGEOUS, by the way. Just stunning.)

  520. My gray: I suffer from anxiety that always tries to turn my grays into blacks…
    My color: My beautiful 3 month old son that lights up my world and keep my skies sunny

  521. First, please give your pops a huge hug from me!

    My grey has been that Colbie just started OT and while were getting positive feedback, I still worry that it will never be enough for her. She is doing so well with her milestones but the only thing I have to compare it to is her bigger sister (2 in Oct) so of course I feel like it’s never going to be enough. We will keep trucking and doing everything we can but there is a part of me that worries…non-stop.

    My colors are my beautiful girls. Colbie is one of the lucky ones that doesn’t have any heart issues or thyroid or digestive so there are many times I am holding, rocking, playing and loving her that I snap out of it and say to myself “she DOES have Down syndrome” because there are MANY times that I simply forget. To us, she is 100% who she is supposed to be. That makes my life bright and cheerful. Her big sister is taking on said role and helping and when I see her imitate me soothing Colbie with her baby dolls, I feel as if I am doing something right.

    Thank you for your post. Much love.

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  524. Kelle, I am in love with your blog. Thank you for being so genuine – you are a refreshment. My grey is reading about sadness, grief, and loss and feeling like life is not fair. My color is knowing that my amazing Lord and Jesus never gives us more than we can handle and is always providing and watching over us.

  525. Beautiful post. I teared up as I read it to my husband, who agreed that you are an amazing writer.
    This week my gray has been the unknown as well, but with what motherhood will bring in general. I am just over half way through my first pregnancy, and with every week that passes, I have more and more questions.
    On the bright side, I’ve found an amazing group of mom’s in my area that I trust to advise me when I need it. Thankfully they are always there when I call with questions, and hopefully will continue to be there for many years to come.

  526. Oh, Kelle. Thank you for making me realize that I’m not crazy. I sometimes think I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what ifs. What if something happens to me and I can’t be here to raise my darling, beloved little girls? I see crime stories on TV and obsess about different awful things that can happen to my girls. I see stories on the news about children who suffer painful illnesses and I feel sick to my stomach thinking of my girls experiencing that kind of pain. And then I feel awful guilt for just how much color and beauty and joy I have in my life…and go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole, trying to understand how and why God allows so many to suffer; while so few, like me, seem to be so blessed. So, maybe I am a little crazy. But it’s helpful. Like some sort of therapy…to read how someone I adore…you…and your readers…also ‘naturally’ experience all the worries and wonders and fears that I’ve felt since the moment my first little girl drifted into my life.

    My only gray? If my daughters are like oxygen to my life, my mother is my heart…she had a heart attack last year and ever since, the reality of her mortality hangs over my heart. I usually push it aside and focus on today. But sometimes, the knowledge that there will be a day when she’s not here … well, it clouds my whole world with gray bordering on black. I try to remind myself that ‘worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength.’ And then I go snuggle with my girls.

  527. My grays and colors are the same this week… found out I was Pg a couple weeks ago, but fear a mc all the time, but am trying to just stay here in happy pg land. And ohterwise I enjoy the magic of our ordinary days. I love my chics sooo much, and like you from time to time the things that scare me about Ds are the things that could take River from me too early. And I fear those things too with even my non-enhanced chic. I thought I ordered a bubble for them, LOL, but it never showed up, so… away we go holding Gods hand. :-)

  528. I get such joy in my day by reading your heartfelt and raw words.

    My gray comes in the form of my parents divorce being final today after 32 years of marriage. It has been a long time coming, although that does not make it any easier to handle. I’d like to think that as a 30 year old, I could be a big girl about it…but I’m struggling :)

    My color comes in the form of my favorite colors (bright, citrusy colors!) and the fact that my photography business is taking off in leaps and bounds. It’s a good day today :)

  529. Okay, now I have tears in my eyes. Much love and prayers for you and your girls. I, too am an eternal optimist but the gray gets me once in awhile too. This week, it’s fear of not being able to continue to give my baby breastmilk. I’m afraid of losing my supply and it is so important to me. But my world is vividly colored by the grins and giggles from my little girl, all the new words my son is learning everyday, and his big hugs and kisses. Tonight when I said “Goodnight I love you” he said “Love you choo!” Color me saturated.

  530. I think any Mom’s greatest fear – regardless of whether or not her littles have that little extra something that Nella has – is both in imagining not being there for your kids and also being here without them.
    My gray this week is having to start thinking about and looking for daycare for my little boy when I have to go back to work at the end of my maternity leave. My colour is looking forward to this weekend, a girl’s weekend with my two best girlfriends from college who live far too far away from me!!

  531. My “gray” this week? Watching a TV show about my daughter’s syndrome. Sometimes reality jumps up and bites you in the ass.

    My color? Tomorrow is a new day and I can’t wait to hold her in the morning, feed her a bottle, and snuggle her back to sleep.

  532. My gray is that my Mom went for a biopsey today to see what is happening with her breast cancer. While that is a tough swallow, we are staying positive and going to the surgeon next week. But my little happy is the engulfing love my husband and two kids give me each day. I guess it’s not a little happy – but a very bright, big, blessed happy.

  533. My “gray” this week? Watching a TV show about my daughter’s syndrome. Sometimes reality jumps up and bites you in the ass.

    My color? Tomorrow is a new day and I can’t wait to hold her in the morning, feed her a bottle, and snuggle her back to sleep.

  534. BEAUTIFUL post! You have such a way with words! I am such a pessimist…don’t like to admit it, but it’s true…so I find your perspecitive on life delightfully refreshing.

    The bibs are SO CUTE. I fell in love with the map the minute I saw it. The second minute, I thought, “Oooooo, I wish there’d be a giveaway.” Then there was! And now I’m thinking, “oooooo, please, let me win!” :)

    My gray–I’m so discouraged with my weight and the fact that I work hard and it doesn’t change.
    Color–that I’m making healthier choices and more importantly that my husband loves me and embraces my beauty as I am today.

  535. My grey this week – missing my mom. It’s fall, she’s home in Canada with my dad and my siblings, starting to think about Christmas, just had Thanksgiving and Halloween. I miss our long talks in front of the fireplace in her living room, this week Skype just isn’t cutting it.

    My color this week – my sweet darling husband. We’ll be celebrating our first wedding anniversary at Christmas and we’re starting our own holiday traditions. Plus, for almost a year now we’ve been in the same time zone – a big deal for a former long-distance couple!

    *hugs* to you and yours, Kelle.

  536. I love reading your blog. Your positive words are constantly nudging me towards the good things, even when I seem to be drowning in the bad.

    My gray this week is that my husband is currently deployed. Which means he’s missing out on so many of our little one’s firsts.

    My color is the long list of things we’re planning to pass the time while daddy is working. Like a road trip from California to Ohio to spend Christmas with our families and a fantastic first birthday party!

  537. My grey and my happy this week are the same thing, oddly enough. It’s coming in the door from being at work and seeing my 8 month old daughter’s face light up. It’s a grey moment because I truly hate being away from her because we need some extra income … but it’s a moment of pure happiness because that smile reduces me to a pile of mush. I love my girl so much!

    As always, beautiful photos. The girls are precious!

  538. My gray this week is my little will be having surgery. While we will be getting ready for the holiday and her first birthday I also will be getting ready to take her to have surgery. I am freaking out!!! Its a small surgery, but neverless its surgery. Thanks for being honest with us so then I fell that I can be honest with myself.

  539. My grey comes in the middle of a lot of canary yellow. My husband and I are moving from NC to CO this Saturday, so he can pursue a new job opportunity. While I’m incredibly excited to start this new adventure, North Carolina is the only home I’ve ever had & saying goodbye to all my friends & family is going to be rough. But grey & yellow go together right? Maybe that will be a color scheme in our new place.

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  542. My gray this week is being so far behind with work that I’m afraid I’ll never catch up.

    My color is the absolutely adorable way my 1 year old daughter says “mama”. It truly melts my heart each and every time she says it.

  543. My gray-My hubby and many other hubbies will not be with us for the holiday season due to being deplyed with the military. Please remember that someone, somewhere cannot spend time with their family so that they can protect your right to spend time with yours…
    My color-Having friends over for wings, beverages and such this weekend!

  544. I have a little boy who would look great in one of those lovely bibs!

    And my grey this week- The discovery of Chinese Dry wall in my house!

  545. My gray this week came with the news that my neighbor’s cousin, who has a little girl with Down syndrome and who had a difficult time accepting the diagnosis at her birth, just got the word that this sweet little two-year old girl has been diagnosed with leukemia. My heart is heavy. The little happy that is bringing me color in the midst of this gray is my 3 year old with Down syndrome who is coming to me and naming his letters, numbers and his colors! All on his own. My little happy is hearing his “Bwue” (blue) and appreciating his health.

  546. My gray this week has been the realization that some people in my life will never make the effort that will better my relationship with them. But my week has been filled with tons of color to contrast that gray, my new job being one of the brightest. I love it and am happy with the changes it has brought to my life! As always, your post today was amazing, inspiring, and wonderful. Just cannot get enough of your blog.

  547. At the playgound today, I observed a group of adults with special needs. They had a great picnic spread. They got on the swings. The conversation was lively. Movies, books, favorite games and, they spoke of their favorite people….Oh, I just thought of you, putting myself in your shoes….And, I saw Nella there, having such a great time with friends, but also, having such an amazing family to talk about. My gray this week hasn’t been very pronounced, but I am commenting b/c I have a good home for one of those bibs ~ A friend who has suffered such a loss to hold their child’s hand first and that this very mom is expecting again!!

  548. Oh, Kelle. That fear that we lose our babies (be they literally a baby or a grown adult) does haunt us as mama’s doesn’t it? It comes out for me to at unexpected times.

    My gray this week is the struggle to try and be the mama I so desperately want to be… who I thought I could be before I actually became one. But, then I mess up a lot and wish I did something differently, better. But, my joy in the week is finding out that the new precious one we have on the way is a girl! Another girl for her big sister! And another chance, a new reminder for me to keep on trying hard to be the very best mama for these sweet little souls.

  549. It seems like I’ve been “stuck in gray” Life does suck at times, life can suck for weeks and years on end: But there is the promise of the rainbow. I find color in the sassy sweet brown eyes of my daughter Nina, the ripple of pink in my son Nicholas’ cheeks when he laughs, the warmth and comfort of snuggling under the Florida Gator fleece blanket I made for my husband that we share while we talk about how we have each other, even when those tender dream we drempt seem so very far from coming true. And Purple, Purple makes me happy, it sounds funny, PURPLE it rhymns with silly words like nurple, burple and flurple…how can I not smile at that?

  550. It seems like I’ve been “stuck in gray” Life does suck at times, life can suck for weeks and years on end: But there is the promise of the rainbow. I find color in the sassy sweet brown eyes of my daughter Nina, the ripple of pink in my son Nicholas’ cheeks when he laughs, the warmth and comfort of snuggling under the Florida Gator fleece blanket I made for my husband that we share while we talk about how we have each other, even when those tender dream we drempt seem so very far from coming true. And Purple, Purple makes me happy, it sounds funny, PURPLE it rhymns with silly words like nurple, burple and flurple…how can I not smile at that?

  551. thank you.

  552. First of all, I love your blog and admire your sweet family.
    That being said, I feel guilty having gray in my week knowing that others, like yourself, have had much darker gray than me. I also choose to see the brighter colors, but sometime it is tough. Every week has its gray, but the good news it that every week has its red, green, blue, yellow…and aubergine.
    Thanks for a beautiful post.
    *Nella’s face melts my heart every time I see it.

  553. My gray this week: A very bad gray. Our newspapers have been busy reporting on the murder of a teenage girl in our province (by fellow schoolmates). I didn’t know this girl, but she is the spitting image of my teenage niece. And each time I see the picture of this poor girl in the paper my heart breaks. The resemblance has made me look deeper into the story than just words on paper. She was beautiful, smart, ambitious. I cry for her parents. For her. Mostly for her. Your right, life is hard. Scares the living daylights outta me that something will happen to my little ones.
    Nobody knows what the future holds. Let’s enjoy this day. Your beautiful Kelle! Thanks you for your very honest words!

  554. Wow, what an honest post. Thanks for sharing that with us.

    Those bibs are TOO cute & would look so adorable on my newest little girl! :)

  555. Your blog today really hit home with me today (as it does many days actually!). My older brother (he is 38, I am 31) has D.S. He is the happiest person I know, super active in the Special Olympics, and is my hero. As my hero, he has always been invincible in my eyes – until one day when I did a project on Down’s Syndrome for school and I learned about the life expectancy being shorter than most…I felt as if I was punched in the gut. Whatever I read back then said something like 40-50 years of age. This really rocks me to my core considering his age now. All I can do is make each time I see him the best ever for him. I am a new mama to an almost-three month old daughter, and he is the proudest Uncle (‘Luncle’ as he says it). He was holding my girl one day and I overheard him say to her ‘When you grow up, will you play with me?’…it melted me… So, I guess how I feel about all this is, that yes, their life expectancy may be shorter – but people with D.S. don’t waste time on the silly things that stress, bother, or annoy the rest of us. They concentrate on the happy. That is how we all should live!

  556. my gray this week…every night I go to sleep hoping I won’t have a dream of my father dying. He passed away in March from pancreatic cancer and I dream it all the time. I don’t want to see it anymore…its hurts and all I want is sleep…but at least get to see his face again. Ouch. That was tough to even write. My colors…im looking out for them.

  557. This post moved me to tears (as many of your posts do). You have an amazing way with words. I recently reread Nella’s birth story as well – I cry every time I read it. You inspire me to be a better mom, do more with my littles and really cherish the small things. Thank you.

    My gray this week…lonely nights. My husband recently started a new job that often has him working late nights. It’s an adjustment spending my nights alone.

    My color is coming from…my children, of course. Isn’t being a mommy the best?

  558. My grey is a dentist appointment this week. I am a total anti-dentite. The wonderful splashes of color have been new smiles from my two month old boy.

  559. My gray is the impending daylight savings time…knowing in just a few months I’m going to be depressed, and hopeless feeling as I struggle through seasonal affect disorder. I love the fall and winter, but I’m so much happier when I have the sun and long days of gorgeous Wisconsin weather.

    Peace be with you and your lovely family always.

  560. My gray this week: feeling so overwhelmed with how little time I feel like I have. I feel like there is so much extra going on besides work and a lot of the time lately I just don’t have space to think outside of me. It’s been a bit overwhelming if I let myself think on things too much so I try not to. My happy in the gray is my son and my husband. I think of the joys of toddler hood and my emotions run over with a look at my son. I think of how far my husband and I have come and his dedication to God above me is amazing. I am truly blessed and the happy really pushes away all the gray.

  561. My gray this week: feeling so overwhelmed with how little time I feel like I have. I feel like there is so much extra going on besides work and a lot of the time lately I just don’t have space to think outside of me. It’s been a bit overwhelming if I let myself think on things too much so I try not to. My happy in the gray is my son and my husband. I think of the joys of toddler hood and my emotions run over with a look at my son. I think of how far my husband and I have come and his dedication to God above me is amazing. I am truly blessed and the happy really pushes away all the gray.

  562. gray is knowing that my time in this wondeful town i live in his drawing to a close. gotta love (?) military life.

    color is knowing that home is wherever my love and my bitty (14 months now!) are!

  563. Loved this post and so enjoy watching your littles grow!

    My grey this week was the 5 year anniversary of my mom’s passing and the sadness of all she is missing with my littles.

    My color was the vibrant orange of the jack-o-lanterns we created together while I told my littles stories of my mama…the first Halloween we celebrated since her passing.

  564. My gray this week is definitely my Granddaddy feeling so horrible from chemo and preparing to start radiation next week… my husband’s grandpa being told chemo isn’t working anymore and there isn’t anything else they can do…

    …but the color shines through with my son starting to make more sounds during his Speech/Occupational therapy time.. He’s 22 months and still doesn’t say much of anything at all! He’s progressing fast and it’s making me a little less stressed and so happy! I can’t wait for him to call me Mama or tell me he loves me!!!!

    We all have bad days!!! But the good are definitely better than the bad!

  565. Ok Kelle you made me SOB! My little sister who has that magical chromosome just turned 23. I hate reality!!!!! I hate facing the possibility that I would have to live a moment of life without her in it! 30 more years is just not enough time!

    My gray this week is yet another problem with the house we are trying to buy… beautiful color…my four month old little girl! As my husband keeps saying she makes everything better.

  566. My gray this week started with planning my wedding, which took a very painful turn when the reality of getting married without both of my little sisters set in. One of them passed away a few years ago, on her 19th birthday. It was the first very close death our family has dealt with, so even though it’s been 4 years, moments like that make me relive the horror like it was yesterday.

    My color this week is revived by knowing that my sister can still be a very big part of my wedding. She was named after a very pretty flower, so those are going to be the main flowers in the arrangements.

  567. My gray this week? Recognizing yet again that I don’t spend enough time with my children. However, I am learning, beginning to master, a new balance to fix that problem. Which, in turn, fills my life with color, laughter, and most importantly, love.

  568. Kelle, beautiful post and beautiful reflection. Oh, and beautiful first photo of you with the camera – LOVE.

  569. my gray: spent an hour on the phone with a friend of 10 years who lives on the other side of the country and is on the brink of a divorce

    my color: fall in San Diego…swimming in 96 degree weather today…last week camping in 50 degree weather.

  570. I love the fact that you are REAL KelleHampton. Life can just suck sometimes despite finding the beauty in things all the time, there are moments that just suck and that is ok! I am far away from my family in India and it kills me as we recently got word that his cancer is back with a vengeance…and i cannot be there (in the US) to hold his hand this week through his intense radiation treatments. The color came though as I did get to speak with him this morning over Skype and we had a lovely chat. Lots of tears after, but lots of love too. And I am thankful!!! My heart is heavy but at the same time full!

  571. I’ve hit my yearly funk where I’m tired of staring at these dingy walls, so I’ve decided to paint our living room. However, my husband says no way. But because freshly painted walls and new curtains make me happy, he will arrive home from a weekend in Memphis to find his lobster red living room is no more.

  572. Love your blog…and I love those bibs! Been making bibs here lately to give away…but these ones are really cute…and with a new baby on the way…well, what else can I say??

  573. ps. I think Nella is starting to look like Lainey in some of the recent photos –both so adorable!

  574. My Gray is our families struggle with money right now! But my COLOR is my precious baby girl turning 5 today! She makes my life bright and full and Im so thankful for her…I have to mention my Niece Passed away several years ago at the age of 55 She was a beautiful lady with Downs :) You have many more years with that girl dont you worry…..

  575. After reading your post and all these heartfelt comments, I feel like a whiner for mentioning my gray when so many others are having such a rough time. I am trying to figure out how to be with my children and make money and it is stressing me out. My colors- I had my first facial on Monday (paid for by my mom) and it was WONDERFUL

  576. Red….Red is my color right now. I have to tell you..this blog made me cry because well I love your daughters! What you shared made me sad as well but at the same time I just find the beauty in what you wrote. I love your they are my own. I have babies about their ages..My Ella is 3 and My Emmy is 1. I just think your girls are beautiful and every time I see your Nella..well she just lights up my day. I love her smile and everything about that baby girl. I am thankful you give us a glimpse into your lives. You are sharing beauty with us. Thank you! I look forward to your posts.. I think I am an obsessive checker..I check AT least 1 time a day..sometimes more lol!

  577. my gray is that my former boss left and we acquired new boss who is pretty much a Summer’s Eve… and my color is the little old ladies who misunderstand something i said thinking i said “take care”… and it making their day… so now im going to tell more little old ladies and others to take care… and keep making my day colorful while looking for another job so as I dont have to deal with HIM anymore

  578. Kelle,
    I have been reading your blog for several months now, and while I never have commented before, today is the day. While I may never meet you face-to-face, I have laughed with you and cried with you as I read your posts. Your photos are beautiful and the words and images you record bring to mind two of my own sweet babies that are about the same age apart as your daughters. One is in college now, and the youngest is almost a senior in high school. How I wish I was able to capture the simple things in life as they grew up, for now they are gone and memories get fuzzy. While I am not one of the grannies holding an empty spot over her heart and telling you to enjoy this time, I am a forty year old woman with tears coursing down my face telling, no, imploring you to do just that. Time races by and all you have left are fuzzy memories.

    I am commenting today about your gray. In my family, it is my parents holding my brother’s hand. He is a few years older than I, but, as you said so eloquently, no parents want to go before their child. If the child is 3, 10, 20, or 40, it matters not because the feeling is the same. The gray in my week is watching my parents come to terms with the possibility of losing their only son. Their health, strength, and faith has faltered. But you know what? I am the SISTER, and I am the one not only watching my brother fighting for his life, I am watching as my parents get their own zeal for life taken right out of them. My girls love my brother as a father, and I can’t bear to see them lose the only man that was there for them when others should have been. As I told my sister, if things really don’t work out, we are going to lose more than just my brother. While I know that somehow I will find the strength to endure that, I really, REALLY, don’t want to. So there it is, my gray in all its painful splendor….and for whatever reason, I wanted to share it with you.
    But, I, too, feel that some simple things can bring splashes of sunshine through a very dusty window. These would be my colors of God, family, a random smattering of friends, and the cold, soft noses of my two favorite puddy dogs. I wish I could throw gardening in there, but I put my garden to bed for the winter this past weekend. (Pun intended!)

    I enjoy your posts and know that you are doing a wonderful thing in recording the small things in life for your posterity to always remember….

    Sorry the novel…I’m done!

  579. My gray: being so busy and stressed about things that I have to deal with but don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I especially don’t like it when it keeps me from my littles or worse when I get cranky from being over-stressed.

    My color: My littles… of course. But breathing in all the beautiful colors of nature, no matter what time of year, always brings me back to a place of joy

  580. Oh the irony — I just decided yesterday to paint my whole first floor several shades of a very nice gray. I can’t wait!

    But my gray this week is coming from my feelings of inadequacy as a parent to my very typical 9 year old son who is too much like me. I am hoping that there is some color this weekend when we get to spend the weekend together while my husband takes my 6 year old (with DS) on their first “Adventure Princess” Campout with her Kindergarten friends.

    And then I know there will be lots of vibrant color at our annual Buddy Walk on Sunday where our team of 70!! will walk in support of my daughter and her friend. How amazing is that? I am so blessed!


  581. Am so inspired by this post that I can’t help but crawl out of my “secret reading” of your blog to let you know my gray and my blue. So, secret’s out. You know I’m a fan. Grey? So many things to do at work, and that feeling of incompetence bugs me. Constantly. My blue? (all things nice are blue! fav colour!)Beautiful pictures of your everyday life! And as if the photos are not inspiring enough, your words… they reach into my soul.

  582. My grey is feeling overwhelmed with work, when all I want to do is play with my baby. Colors happen every time she smiles at me!!
    Love the bibs!

  583. My gray this week is knowing there is turmoil between inlaws and sibs. Knowing that the holidays are approaching and our family will be torn apart by crazy, little things that are just things. I keep reminding myself that I have “my” family now and my little girls bring so much joy to my heart every day. I am blessed.

  584. My grey is that i’m kind of ashamed of my mediocrity.
    My colour is that i’m doing nanowrimo(national novel writing month) anyway. i shouldn’t be reading your blog :) but i’m glad i stole a few moments from my night’s sleep to catch up.

  585. I’d have to say my gray would be… School and the challenges of finishing the spring semester on time and will I be able to do it. Will I be able to make my girls and boyfriend proud.

    My color is… my daughter walking, no running. Finally at 13 mnths she’s running around the livingroom and chasing her sister, sometimes for lovin’s and sometimes to pull her hair. Ahh sisterly love. blessing and huge color

  586. My gray this week is the typical gray that surrounds my life all the time these past two years. My husband is active duty military, and we are stationed somewhere that I do not know anyone. I have 2 children under the age of 2, and my husband works 70+ hours a week while I take care of the kids and try to finish my senior year of college. I get tired, stressed out and all kinds of overwhelmed…. Oh the grey..

    But then my little ones do something and bring in all the heartwarming, fulfilling color I could ever imagine. My oldest daughter is currently potty training, and she came out the bathroom with the toddler potty on her head and the toilet seat around her legs like a pool float today and i just died laughing… Thanking God for those moments with my sweet littles, the moments that make me remember what I am doing all of this for, the moments that remind me how lucky I am, and how much beauty and color and over flowing love I have in my life. Its something small, but those moments are everything to me.

  587. Kelle, your words inspire.

    My gray is struggling with money as my husband is still looking for a job, but my precious small moments is tonight when the playroom was filled with giggles from my 11 month and 3 year old girls.

    Life may be hard, but it is good!

  588. I know how you love to always like to look on the bright side of life but it also comforting when you let us know about your gray side also. It makes you more real and human.
    I just love all that you do, so please, do keep on keeping on. You are often the colour in my week πŸ˜€

    My gray this week is that my youngest just turned 19mths and its all going by so fast. I would love to have another baby (3rd) but somehow that might just speed it all up again! But decisions need to be made, I ain’t getting any younger! :)
    Allison :)

  589. My gray…my 39 year old friend had surgery today for thyroid cancer and it being more advanced than they anticipated. My color…she is recovering better than anticipated and was smiling when I came to visit. Optimism is a drug all its own. Your optimism and bravery is healing and touching so many more than you could imagine. Thanks…

  590. Life expectancy….. what you expect from life…. heartbreakingly bright yellow and blue and green days at your favorite beach filled with love and babies and friends and family… grey days that call for tears and curling up on a couch with your babies and doing a whole lot of nothing….Kelle you show me all of the time that each day is a blessing in some way. No promises that life won’t sometimes break your heart but in the end each wonderful day has some special thread of love that keeps us connected forever with the ones who we hold close. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly with us all and giving us the opportunity to remember how precious life is every moment…

  591. My gray is wanting to write a better story for our family and feeling like we get so close and then the door slams shut.

    My color is finding a drawing that my late father did that I didn’t know existed and taking it as a sign to fight for the changes we want. Was desperate for his guidance and he gave me that drawing. Thank you Dad.

    My little 11 month could really use those cute bibs. Now that she is self feeding…what a mess.

    Lisa in CA

  592. My gray is worrying about finances. But I always consider that a very lucky gray when that is my only worry. Our family is healthy and happy and that is my color. My daughter is my joy, and I am loving everything from the fall colors, to the fact that I am 5 weeks pregnant with baby #2! So much more color than gray this week! I like it that way – I like storing up my beautifully colored crayons to pull out when life throws all gray crayons at me!

  593. In picture #5 of this post, I see so much Lainey Love in her face.


  594. Hello there! Long time reader first time poster. I am that person who shows up in your counter as Japan. Well one of them. Depending on the computer I either register as Kagoshima or Oita.

    Moving on…

    Wow, right on target. I just put this up on my facebook last night

    “And so you sigh, close your eyes and hope that tomorrow brings sunshine that will chase away the gray.”

    My gray- Last week was the one year anniversary of my father’s terrible accident. Two weeks from now will be the one year anniversary of his death.

    My color- My students. I am a former nanny turned ex-pat ESL teacher. Today I taught my favorite grade and I was not disappointed.

    Also, if for some reason (I doubt it) but if by chance I am picked as a bib winner please re draw. I have no children. ALthough I know several people with newborns, I doubt they will ship to Japan anyways

  595. Gray: a cherished friend dying last week, sewer backing up in our basement over the weekend.

    Colour: the reflection of our cherished friend’s LIFE WELL LIVED. (for now, so call me crazy), my family of 5 plus 2 animals living in cramped quarters of one floor in our house while the other floor gets fixed.

    and YOU make me feel appreciative for all the varying degrees of colour and gray in my days, because even as you paint beautiful vignettes of your life on your blog, I never forget that you have your own challenges, worries, fears. and THAT brings me light in my darker moments. thank u kelle for what you do here.

  596. I’d like to say that my gray this week is painted on my nails in a fabulous shade of “nocturnal” by Avon. But, alas, there is more gray to behold.

    My gray is having to be patient and not really knowing what to do for my son.

    My colors come from the ever increasing playdates that make things feel “normal” and happy.

    And definitely Halloween candy.

  597. My GRAY: Having to head back to the children’s hospital this next week for my daughter Lanie’s appointment with her nephrologist. Like you, I have had to think about losing my precious baby many times in her life and have had to watch her go through surgeries, tests, pain, and sickness and now watching her live with two scarred kidneys and high blood pressure. She is an amazing girl.
    MY COLOR: Watching that same little girl kick ass on a swim team, learn Japanese at school like it’s no big deal and watching her be the most loving big sister in the world. My color is much more than my gray:)

  598. Oh babe.

    And you’re the one who sent me a consoling text today. Love you.

    Gray: This weird, gnawing anxiety that comes and goes like an annoying fly for the last week. I don’t like it. Pft. Be gone.

    Color: It’s better. And I got some clarity about it. And I just wrote my nuggets and had the most fun doing it.

  599. Mommy guilt is my gray. It has a way of creeping in as a big gray but I’m working on my self-talk and making it go away. Because I AM a good mom!

    My Color: The joy my husband and daughter bring to my life every moment of every day.

  600. Your blog never ceases to inspire and move me, God bless you and your beautiful family.

    My grey is rushing off to work, every day, leaving my love, my boy, to be in the care of (although wonderful and loving and capable) someone other than his Mommy.

    My beautiful, vibrant, so bright it hurts your eyes color is pulling into my driveway and hearing my boy squeal and say Mamamamamama as I walk up to our door… LOVE.

  601. Love those cute bibs. And of course, all the photos of Nella IN the bibs… and of Lainey being Lainey. I pulled out about 6 grays this week so far, but it’s all good… the Giants won the world series and it’s celebrating time around here. :-)

  602. life isn’t always about the quantity, rather the quality…

    The gray in my week has to be the flu that has made the rounds with our family. But the color in that gray is seeing the smiles on my boys faces because not even sickness can keep them down.

  603. My gray comes from the physical difficulties I am having at the moment with the potential diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease just at the moment we are trying to concieve..
    My joy comes in the form of my mircale baby taking her first steps yesterday and knowing that my body overcame the odds to welcome her into the world!

  604. My gray this week, this hour in fact is feeling so very overwhelmed and so very under-supported. How do you ask for help when you feel as if you ask all the time? Bahh. My color is Sleepless in Seattle, Earl Grey Tea, and a hopeful tomorrow.

  605. my grey is learning that a friend of mine, mama of three has breast cancer at 32 years old. She is a fighter and will beat it but there is such fear in the unknown…

    my color this week…dear friends welcoming their first baby into the world. Oh, what I wouldn’t do to just feel him curled up on my shoulder! He’ll look great in those bibs!

  606. The gray: We are 8 months into a seemingly endless short sale process and down to one working vehicle.
    The rainbow: the baby started saying “uuuup” this week. She enunciates the “P” so cutely. Loving it!
    Life is good. :-)

  607. My gray was saying goodbye to my 4 year old 2 months ago. But, there is a lot of vibrant color to that too. She is in Heaven, healed and whole. Gray here at times but certainly not gray there!

  608. my color today is opening your blog to listen to your tunes while i clean the house……and my grey is reading how your little heart breaks………i do love when you post…….and as much as i love the happy pictures of your small things it is refreshing to hear you express your greys….it brings us all together………thank you for welcoming us into your heart….

  609. What a beautiful post Kelle! I love reading everything you write, but this one felt so real and honest…. it touched me, so thanks!

    My grey this week has just been the overwhelmingness of working two jobs, but know it has to be done so that we can save some money and eventually give my little boy a sibling. It’s been tough, but I know we are working toward the greater good of me eventually staying home.

    But there has also been so much color. My sons seconds Halloween, he dressed up as the worlds cutest lion and we went trick or treating. The fact that this week he has started blowing me kisses, whihc melts my hearts. and finally that we leave tomorrow for minnesotta for a family wedding. Not only will I finally get a much needed fix of “Fall” weather, I get to see so many family members that I don’t see nearly often enough!


  610. Thank you…as always, your words hit at the PERfect time. I have really been struggling not knowing how we will continue to pay bills as we see savings drain. At least y husband is employed (thank God) but in a job he hates and can’t seem to get out of because of the lack of jobs currently. Between the terribly long hours and tight tight budget, I am so anxious. But I have my kids and a roof over my head, and at least he has A job, no matter how awful. And I need a reminder to anchor me at times…and you just did. So I’m going to dock for awhile here in the now. Thank you~

  611. my grays are similar to yours as I think about my daughters future living with Quad CP after suffering a serious brain injury 3 years ago. I know what science says about what the length of her life should be and it makes me sad every once in a while. It is hard to think about but sometimes it jumps up and holds on tight. Then the colors come to the rescue replacing the grays in the form of healing and progress in her recovery!

    The bibs are amazing and Makenzie would love something that cute to for Makenzie to drool on! LOL No really!

  612. Your words bring tears. Always to wonderfully written.
    There is nothing like a good can of paint to brighten up the spirit…my last spirit brightener….wheat penny!
    My gray is a daddy leaving again for work too soon and for too long, but my boys are my everyday dose of vibrant color!

  613. My gray is this month marks 10 years without my beloved sibling. My color is always my adorable boys who bring me back with their hugs and love.

  614. Your words bring tears. Always to wonderfully written.
    There is nothing like a good can of paint to brighten up the spirit…my last spirit brightener….wheat penny!
    My gray is a daddy leaving again for work too soon and for too long, but my boys are my everyday dose of vibrant color!

  615. Today I am 37 days from getting married to an amazing man and it is thrilling, exciting and incredibly happy! The gray color in this situation is the terrible event that happened this past April when my fiance’s roommate and one of our groomsmen unexpectedly passed away from meningitis. Planning a wedding while grieving is very difficult but like everything, there is a yin and a yang, a high and a low. I choose to focus on the highs, remembering that our friend TJ loved that we love each other and are celebrating that on December 11th!

  616. My gray this week is how hard it’s been to find any color. The biggest gray for me is whether I continue on the path of being a writer or change directions and become a teacher. So stressing that I need a pint of icecream, stat.

    My biggest color this week is that my best friend and brother and amazing sister-in-law are having a baby. Babies erase all the grays.

  617. my grey is money- the first of the month hits hard w bills, and we always struggle the first 2 weeks, and it’s so, so hard.

    my color. we always make it through- HE always brings us through.

    now, i gotta go blow my nose from the crying!

  618. My gray this week is taking one week at a time with this pregnancy. We have had so many scares with this one it has been an emotional roller coaster. We are 24 weeks on Wednesday and pray for our little angel to make it through.
    However, we are blessed to have a beautiful 4 year old who lights up our world. She is so thoughtful, bubbly, expressive…the list could go on and on.

  619. I am sure there is a gray but I can’t put my finger on it. My color is that my baby girl will be here in a little over 4 weeks!

  620. My gray snuck into the colour this week. Seeing our unborn little girl on a 4D scan was so exciting but the little gray unknown of whether she has Down Syndrome or not, having been given a 1:2 chance, seemed to swill some of the orange away as I anxiously looked for clues. Yet colour has been richly present too, floating quietly in the pool under a magenta, blue starlit sky surrendering our future to God made my heart content.

  621. God I love a good room makeover! I wish I could come help you paint. I’ve been dying to paint a room!

    My gray this week is work. Super crazy busy, long hours in the office which means I’ve seen my daughter for 45 minutes a day. And I’ll be bringing work home this weekend.
    But my happy is those 45 minutes and its getting me through this week. that smiling face and chubby legs trying to pull herself up on everything! I love it and want to soak in it.
    And man could I use some bibs. I hope we get teeth soon becasue the drool is like a river

  622. I am the cheerleader in a house of cystic fibrosis, median life span of 37. My grey cloud visits our house then blows away for a time…my small person is 11.5. Holding my breath that he’ll be able to hold my hand. Hoping the universe knows what it’s doing…

  623. Hey Kelle, no te preocupes :-) I’m adding a comment to 622 others, wow.
    A friend of mine made a film “Uwe geht zu Fuss”, meaning “Uwe is walking”. Uwe is 67 and has DS. When someone says “Shall I drive you home” he keeps saying “Ich geh zu Fuss” (I’m walking) You can see a clip on Uwe is so well included in and loved by his community that my friend made this film. Uwe comes from my hometown and I got invited to the movie premiere with Uwe present, proudly sitting in the front row, giving interviews, posing for photographers with the mayor.

    Before the film started to roll, Uwe was asked whether he wanted to say something to the audience. He grabbed the microphone and said “And now, everybody rise and sing!” (a popular German celebratory song). The entire audience in the packed theater got up and sang.
    What a day. I was there. That was before I knew Nella, by the way. You guys rock!
    From Germany

  624. This week I don’t have a gray…Her smile makes me happy! She makes me want to live a healthy life so I can enjoy her for a very loooong time. By the way…Saw a beautiful documentary last night called “Monica and David” Please Please see it I cried throughout the whole movie (happy tears) Just shows me how love does not discriminate! Thought about you and Nella the whole time!!!

  625. thanks for making grey more colorful…

    Grey: strained nerves from a rough week teaching…

    colors: (quite vibrant, might I add) my beautiful daughter not only hugs but “skeeze hugs” me when she gets home with her Dad. Tight as can be arms around my neck. It makes the world right!

  626. My gray is continued extended family tension, but my hot pink is my beautiful girl dancing with me, ignited by the biggest most beautiful smile!

  627. My grey was that I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy, but my husband could only come to the hospital to visit for about an hour an day and not till late afternoon. The huge rainbow of colours though was that he made it out of surgery in time to be there for the actual birth! The last two weeks have been very full of grey, but my in-laws who have stepped up and helped out enormously have constantly kept injecting colour back into our lives when we didn’t know what to do next. And of course my son who is being the perfect baby is blinding me with his colour because I couldn’t have asked for a better baby at the best of times, let alone during the dramas we’ve had these past two weeks! And now my husband is healing too and my life feels like nothing but colour because after the rough time we had, the little things feel like nothing.

  628. My gray is me drowning in self-doubt, school work and fear of debt!

    My color…coming to your blog to look at your beautiful girls!!

  629. My gray for the time being is having to be back at work for five weeks – while my boyfriend is at home with our almost 7mo son. I absolutely hate the fact that I’m away for so much of the day that I only get to spend around two hours with him each day.. I wish that I would be able to stay at home with him for as long as I (and we) would like to, but that’s not something that will be possible (unless I win an enormous jackpot or something). It makes me sad to think about all the things I might be missing while I’m away, and I envy all those who’re in the situation where they are able to stay at home with their little ones for a while longer (or as long as they want).

    On the brighter side is his face when I come into his room in the morning – and the look on his face when I come home at night. That gives me fuel to keep things going a little longer (and I can’t wait for the weekend to come).

  630. My gray this week has been juggling work and raising my daughter as a single mother. I always pictured styaing at home when I had a child but things didn’t end up that way. Despite being exhausted and felling guilty leaving her I know that the weekend is coming and she will refuel me and we will fill the weekend with fun and little things that make us both very happy.

  631. I have a 6 week baby girl at home and would love that bib. so cute and again, I LOVE YOUR BLOG

  632. What a beautifully honest post. And deep red is a great color for a bathroom (one of ours is that color and it’s AWESOME!)

    My gray is that there just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want to accomplish – with work, life, school.

    My color: That I have a wonderful, supportive husband who loves and adores me and two little boys who love me to pieces. :)

  633. My gray is that my mom lives in your neck of the woods while I live in New England. (Talk about gorgeous fall colors-I’m looking out my kitchen window at absolute wonder right now.)

  634. I’m not commenting for the bibs – just commenting to say that I have just packaged up a big parcel of love and hugs and it is flying across the ocean to you right now.

    My grey at the moment is struggling through a so-called high risk pregnancy and laying awake at night worrying about having enough money and space for two children. And how I will ever love another baby as much as I love C.

    But the colour is knowing that all those things will work themselves out and it is going to be OK in the end.

    Love to all of you. Sx

  635. Love this post! And how sweet is your dad – what a neat person he is, to sit by that woman’s bedside during her final days. I mean, wow. I can see where you get your beautiful spirit. What a blessing to have a dad like that. Lucky, lucky girl.

    Anyhoo…my “gray” this week…would have to be my 17 year old daughter reminding me to order a refill of her anti-seizure meds. Any reminder of her brain injury always brings me down. My “color” would be in that very same second when I reminded myself how lucky I am that she is ABLE to tell me to order the refill…because for months after her accident she was not able to speak. How lucky I am that she has recovered so much! My “color” today was when that same daughter took my two year old for a stroller walk around the neighborhood. She loves helping out with her younger siblings, and I love that she has recovered so much that she is able to do this. I am so thankful for her life and all the “color” that she brings me each day.