rainy days must be magic.
i’m quite certain of it, as when the rain starts to fall, these little things begin to happen here. little moments. productivity. stopping and seeing the moment for more than it really is.
it was another one of these days. and for that to happen twice in such little time…well, the planets must be aligned quite spectacularly tonight. that and brett is gone this week which always seems to ignite me to do more and be more to make up for his absence.
and while sometimes these posts happen to arrange themselves with some lovely sort of theme…tonight, it’s just pure stream-of-consciousness. a lot of pictures from a camera that has somehow created some beautiful images for me lately. a girl whose soul-loveliness has just touched me in so many ways as we enjoy these last months of just her and i. creativity. and the random little bits of life that seem to sew it all together. yes, it shall be one of those posts.
beginning with a little creativity and a $10 walmart bag we turned into a bye-bye bag. a sort of mary poppinsish bag full of never-ending surprises to entertain her while we are out. and i’m not sure why we do this for our kids…because when we were little and went to a restaurant, our parents packed squat for us and yet we were happy to play rock-paper-scissors or contentedly stack sugar packets into towers while we waited for our food. and we were just fine. however, the contents of this bag have proved to be saviors while out not to mention the process of stamping her little painted hands for the making of it was all too much fun. and we love suggestions for good bye-bye bag contents. for now, it’s play-dough and stickers, crayons, chalkboard, coloring books and little dolls with clothes.
and unlike her mother, she puts everything back right where it goes, carefully zipping each bag closed before taking out another.
and one creative leads to another. so, after procrastinating a bit on hauling out the paint shirt, water cups and all the clean-up gear for her little pleas of paint, mama, i gave in to her sweet creative soul this morning as we painted vivid swirls on crisp white paper and she clumsily attempted (with help) to paint over my dashed-line guides to spell out the name i love…and she points to it and says…yaynee.
i could have watched her all day. her concentration and the way she humbly tried to hide her crooked satisfied smile. how careful she was to not make a mess…to switch colors, dipping her brush in water between each. and then hours later when brandyn came home from school, the way she grabbed his hand, ran him to see her masterpiece all stretched and dried on the easel. look, bramban.
…and while i thought i cleaned up all the paint and put it safely away from mischievous hands, two hours later i walked into the bathroom, flipped the lid of her potty and found…well…lainey’s technicolor dream poop. her little business nicely smothered in puddles of red, orange and purple paint. i’d have taken a picture, but i spared you.
we squeezed in a noon photo shoot of this sweet baby, ella…
and i let little b stay up from a nap to help as she is now accustomed to tagging along on home shoots and does so well to stay out of the way, tag two steps behind me, make the babies smile…and even holds her own little camera sometimes. so proud of her…and she loves to be included in my “work.”
this little one worked the lense oh so splendidly.
(can’t decide on color or antique for this one!)
then came the really good…the hardest rain…and the most precious moments of my day.
we escaped, her and i, to our little ice cream treasure where i captured, in the downpour, some of my most favorite pictures ever of her. believe it or not, these were unposed. just pure lainey doin’ her thing.
the rain was just cascading in torrents and we had no umbrella (which i’m liking because we always have more fun without one)…but we did have a beach towel…so i let her play in the rain with her towel. and i don’t know who was more thrilled–her, to unleash all this toddler into puddles that begged to be stomped in, rain that pleaded to be danced in–or this mama who watched it all quietly, contentedly, thankfully…behind her lense. i’m sure it was me.
we stayed stuck, banished by the rain to our quaint little plaza, so we meandered down the line of little shops past our ice cream treasure into our favorite kids boutique where, for fun, we fancied the likes of three little grandmas inside with lainey’s parade out of the dressing room, trying on a hodge-podge pile of things she pulled off shelves she could reach.
and finally, home…where it continued to rain, dimming the house into a cozy place for naps. she cuddled into her big girl bed without the slightest of fuss and fell fast asleep in minutes. i steeped a pot of tea, lit a candle and began to look back at our pictures.
and it hit me for the first time. the fact that, although i am so already in love with our new little bean and loving the idea of her arrival being such a gift for lainey…it will mean the end of so many days of undivided attention for her.
i cried–sipping my tea in the rain–looking at pictures of painting and ice cream and a morning well-spent…knowing that these last months of brewing anticipation and the crescendo to that beautiful day also represents a slowly closing window to what we have…what she has. how her life will change…and she doesn’t even know. i am so happy for her…and yet today, admitedly, a bit sad as well. it will be good for her…and good for us, and i know we will handle it beautifully and everything will fall perfectly into place…because we love and we love good. but, i want to give everything to both of them and know expectations will have to be altered. i will struggle to document every beautiful bit of life for both…to scribble lovelies in baby books…to take pictures of accomplishments as simple as little fingers closing ziplock bags…to bake and write and read, all the while keeping a house and loving a husband and maintaining the little hollows of self-fulfilment a mama must keep to love bigger and better. a change i am embracing but know will bring new challenges.
for now…we love.
‘cuz we know how to do that.
and the rest will fall into place.
(and thank you for your comments as of late. there are a couple of you who are link-less in blogworld that have said some of the sweetest things and i wanted to send back a message but can’t. thank you always for kind words…and while i don’t ever want to be a ‘comment-digger’ i am not too proud to admit, finding a comment in my e-mail box always makes me smile. because it’s a little bit of love. and who doesn’t love love? i really do try and get back to as many of you as possible or visit your blogs from time to time. so, thank you, sweet friends.)
Oh the magic that fell like the showers…savor and celebrate these tiny moments–they are golden. You will turn around, and she is gone…with the strong roots and rich memories you have given her. Oh the joy of seeing puddles and ice cream cones through the eyes of a child. And what a beauty this baby is…so thoughtful in those eyes! Bravo!
I truly love reading your blogs and looking at your pictures. thank you. That’s all I’ve got. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
those pictures of her at the fountain with the icecream are just stunning. You are so talented, do you know anyone almost as talented in Southern Cali? I am begging for pro shots and have a hard time finding someone who captures what you capture – perhaps a trip to Naples is in order!
Lainey will embrace sisterhood with utter cuteness
Justine
Phew…if anyone can do it with ease and grace it will be you Kelle. It’s not easy, but you are going to LOVE seeing your girls together. Paige is making Liv giggle these days and it’s just the sweetest thing.
OK, the last shot…is my Lainey Love putting her footsies in the zip lock bag? Fresh toes…my favorite. I would have pinched them through the bag to check for freshness, and bought a pound and made her laugh. Yes, I would.
The crossed ankles?! Love it. And, yes, those moments of realization about the next babe joining your family. I know them. A commenter on my blog said something really lovely:
…I wondered the same thing waiting for my second little one. It was the most amazing thing. And honestly, I think I ended up with more than double. Enjoy this magical time with two but not two kids, you will always remember it as a very special quiet window, like the few short weeks between the change of the seasons.
I cried and cried when I brought my second little girl home, I hadn’t thought about what was about to happen. Every time I looked at my older daughter I would burst out again. It’s sad, but its necessary…
Enjoy your girls being little, drink it up, mine are teenagers and I have moments of not recognizing my life, or myself as a mother anymore…It’s so hard.
kellie,
You don’t know me but I am cousins with Elissa Viele. I follow her blog. Went nosing around hers and found yours. You give me such inspiration.
April
It rains so that you can enjoy those cozy days. Someone “upstairs” says slow down, dance in the rain, enjoy these precious moments with “just” the two of you. Those precious “us” moments that will forever remain in your fluffy huggable memories! Once again your creativity inspires us all to be a little more “kelle-ish” . . . now I want a bye-bye bag just like Lainey’s!
Fav photo, the one with her hand over her mouth! Love it!
Felt the same way toward the end of my pregnancy w/ Ella…”this will be the last time just the two of us read books together, go to the mall, share a picnic lunch” etc. but the truth is you will still have those special times w/ just Lainey when maybe daddy is w/ the new little. And I always tried to remind myself Haley had all this special time to herself w/ just us that the second one would never know. SO excited for next weekends shoot. I need a cute fallish hat for Haley-seen any out there??
How do you do it? You take a simple thing and make it into something grand.
Love all the photos and the fact you embrace the rain – perhaps you do have British connections?! It’s a time of change over here too (C now officially a toddler, a new job starting next week and subsequently C’s first foray into daycare. Yes, there have been tears. From both of us! But we’ll get used to the new normal). And I truly believe that when your precious girl arrives, after a short while, it will seem like that’s how it has always been. And I have no doubt you’ll embrace your new normal with style, flair and panache – and leave us all with mouths agape saying, “How does she do it?!” Good wishes to you and LL – keep on loving the way you do.
my fellow brit girl(if i may consider myself one in another life)…thinking of you in your new endeavors and my heart goes out to you and your new challenges. you too will make it beautiful. with panache. pip pip, tally ho…(or insert other silly nonsense we americans pull off as british).
I, too remember those last few months before out little Spencer arrived. Holly and I had so much Mommy and Hollybug time together. I would sit and wonder how it was possible to love another as much as I loved her. Such silly thoughts! As soon as his chubby cheeks emerged…..my heart and my love doubled in size. Then there were challenges, but I learned to embrace my time alone with each of them and rejoice in the times I watched them play together. To this day, I do the same. Lainey will always have these memories…even if in the back of her mind as her baby sis arrives. These memories will make her an even better big sis! Sandy Smith
Today, I hid private tears for the silliest of reasons. I wiped them away before anyone could see. You see,I stopped by a colleague’s office this morning and on her desk was a basket of suckers…lollipops…dum dums to be specific. And I remembered when one of these little confectionaries on a stick brought pure unfettered bliss to your heart. A brief and precious chapter…a tiny window of just discovering life. It passed too quickly. And I looked at the pictures again of this little sprite…with one red boot in babyhood and the other in childhood. Squeeze her tight tonight and give her a lollipop from her poppa. It will melt too quickly. I love you.
i so remember that struggle of feeling like stella and i were going to lose something when little cora came along. but i have to tell you … not to sound sappy or reiterate what is said everyday … it only gets better. you have to MAKE opportunities to be with just each other sometimes … and i think that (from my end) that makes stella feel so much more important. and it’s just kind of this little thing that you have with your oldest. it’s hard to describe. you KNOW each other beyond all other knowing. the slightest look can send you into a fit of hysterics (almost typoed writing hit of fysterics…)
it’s something that can never disappear.
and the littlest little? they add so much to what you already have. in cora’s case, she has become our little household comedy. she makes us all giggle and do more than we’ve already done.
and now that i’ve written you a post in a comment … i’m admitting i love comments too. they make my day … especially from those that i admire greatly for their photograpic abilities and much more so … their ability to mother so beautifully. so thanks.
I so enjoy your blog. A friend of mine found it b/c one of her cousins’ kids was featured in pics. Anyway.
I love how you write & live & dress your little girl with such art. I envy your ability to see things with such color and creativity.
I’m expecting our 3rd any day now. Reading about your mixed feelings about the changes having a 2nd brings, brought back all those memories. I try not to feel guilty that my first got so much more attention and got to do things that I can’t do with two. But then I also have to work at not feeling guilty about how much more relaxed I am now with the 2nd, relaxed enough to enjoy him.
And there is nothing more precious than hearing their little voices as they play together in their little world of imagination. I’m so glad I could give that to them. They have so much fun together… I’m a little jealous that I didn’t have a sib that close to be my forever best friend.
Praying you have a happy, healthy baby & that Lainey will find much enjoyment in being a big sister!
michigan state???????????
WT?????????F????????????
I’m BACK!!!!!!! i just caught up!!! these pictures are VIVIDLY BEAUTIFULLY PERFECTLY PERFECT…tdubs in da house!!!!!
the pics of bella…oh my victorian baby beautiful. and lainey…the ice cream and painting pics were eye candy.
so pretty. thank you for the treat!
xo
GO BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there’s no shame in grieving what you are losing while at the same time gaining another baby. I allowed myself nights of tears while rocking my jaxon to bed, thinking “these are our last together moments” but what got me through it was knowing that i didn’t waste a second of it. From 8-11-06 at 5:35am i savored every second, and that allowed me to be able to move on knowing that i had done my best with our twosome time together. and i know you know this, but i’ll say it anyway, what you are gaining is SO much more than what you are losing, and soon you’ll see that you can’t even remember a time when you didn’t have baby#2. i know i can’t.
I cried too when I brought number 2 home – be ready, that will be there. But quickly remember that this is a NEW dimension of life that you are giving Lainey. A new experience for her, to be a big sister – she will be fuller, happier, for the ‘family’ aspect of life. Even tho now you can give her everything…soon you will give her something better.
Also, those tiny party-favor play-dohs?? Are you kidding? My favorite! They come in BLACK! love ’em.
Your daughter is so beautiful, and you are such a lovely mother! I hope I can be HALF as good as a mom as you are one day… and you are so inspiring! In fact… (I sheepishly admit this) I even wrote myself an email of all of the things I want to do when I am a mom, the little things which add up… take her for ice cream, take her picture, jump in puddles, play at the park, give a hug just because. 🙂
Thank you for all of your lessons.