Enjoying the Small Things

Enjoying the Small Things

4 Things I’m Working on in Parenting

By

As my kids grow and change and our family learns more about ourselves and each other, I find the focus of my parenting goals changes as well. Sometimes, important parenting themes last for a season and with more experience and knowledge of who our kids are, the things that are important to us shift. A few things I’m working on right now…

Less Labeling
Oh how we all love a good label, a way both to define ourselves and save us the effort of figuring someone else out. “Save me the trouble, just tell me your Enneagram number.”  Vegan. Paleo. Extrovert. Introvert. Suffers from anxiety. The Funny One. The Athletic One. The Artsy One. Enneagram 7. I love a good personality label as much as anyone else, but the challenging thing about labels is that we are ever changing (especially kids!), and when we label ourselves and everyone else knows that label, it can be difficult to break free from that generalization or evolve into something new. Yes, Lainey will probably always be more shy than my other two, and Dash stands out as our spirited family entertainer. I will reference those labels from time to time, but I never want to lock my kids into personality traits because I need a way to define them. I don’t want to be so loud with my “She’s shy! She’s shy!” proclamation that it drowns out the many times Lainey’s lively and extroverted with friends. It’s very freeing and enlightening to pull back a bit on the labels for my kids and delight in all the ways they surprise me–they’re constantly evolving, and I want them feel permission (and an invitation!) to do so. I loved one of the stories Kelly Corrigan shared in Tell Me More about her friend who adopted a baby, consequently having no immediate inherited labels to attach the baby’s personality to like we often try to do.

“MH and Leon had accepted the call to raise a child, not by railroading her into becoming a gratifying mashup of biology and dreams, but by allowing her to reveal her nature over time, in no particular order, with switchbacks and reversals along the way.” Twelve years later, MH still says, “I don’t know who this kid is.” Now she adds, “But she does. She knows exactly who she is. I’m just along for the ride.” 
– From Tell Me More, Kelly Corrigan

Less Telling Them to “Be Kind,” More Complimenting “I Love How Kind You Are”
“Be kind!” “Look out for the kid who needs a friend!” “Make sure you include!” “I hope you were nice to her!” I’ve been hammering my kids with these messages since the day they were born, but at some point, constantly instructing “Be kind” suggests that I think my kids wouldn’t be kind on their own without my reminders. Lainey and I were recently talking about a situation at school with some girls, and I immediately jumped in with my obligatory, “Well I hope you were kind. You didn’t add to the drama, did you?” From her reaction, I realized my tone and questioning suggested that I didn’t trust her to do the right thing on her own. Of course she was kind! She’s proved so many times that she is kind and has been complimented many times by others for being a good friend to all. I want to do less nagging and more recognizing her natural inclination to be compassionate. I’m trying to switch those “I hope you were kind” responses to compliments that show I trust her and am proud of her: “I’m so glad she has you because that’s one thing you are so good at–being kind to everyone.”

More Night Time Reading
We’ve been a reading family since my kids were born and have children’s books galore in our home, but I’ll admit we used to do better with the consistent bedtime reading together ritual when they were all really little. However, I’ve been reading The Enchanted Hour, and the data regarding the benefits of reading aloud to your kids is stunning and enough to challenge me to recommit. The kids are loving it so much and holding me accountable. There’s no way I can get away with putting them to bed without reading aloud now–Dash won’t have it. Now if I can just convince him that we don’t need to read 7 books every night.

Less Bemoaning Falling Off the Horse, More Shutting Up and Getting Back on the Horse
The lapsed read aloud before bed tradition is a perfect example of how you can easily pick something back up in parenting without loads of guilt. As in other areas of life where we fizzle out on commitments–eating healthy, working out, waking up early–parenting offers a smorgasbord of opportunities to fizzle and fail. I want to spend less time bemoaning the fact that I fell out of a good habit and focus more on simply getting back to business. We are human. We’re going to fall off the horse many times. What sets a successful person apart from others is one’s ability to get back on the horse and keep riding without all the drama of beating yourself up for falling off. Better eating, healthier screen time rules, more reading, more snuggling, more play time together, better listening–it’s never too late to try again.

Stealthy Vegetable Disguises for Kids

By

This sponsored post is in partnership with Stonyfield Organic, a brand we love not only for their products but for their values. They make delicious healthy yogurt without the use of toxic persistent pesticides, artificial hormones, antibiotics or GMOs; and they do it all with planet-friendly business practices–from using yogurt cups made from plants instead of petroleum, to making their own renewable energy.

I’ve admitted before that while I’m not big on getting hung up over parenting regrets, I have a few of them that are hard to live down. We moved Nella out of her crib and into a bed too quickly (her sleep has never been the same); I picked up my kids toys for them for far too long (leaving them out is a bad habit now), and then there’s the fruit before vegetables mistake. When my kids started eating solid foods, I skipped over the green stuff and went right for the applesauces and peaches because I wanted them to taste good. I missed out on the chance of expanding their taste buds early which led to a long stretch of limited things they’d eat–pasta, cereal, fruit, bread and sweets. Repeat. We’ve since introduced many new foods and are slowly growing their taste tolerance, but we still struggle in the vegetable department. It looks a little bit like this:

There are two words that work for a number of parenting challenges though, from slipping out of a room without waking up a baby to adding vegetables to their diet: BE STEALTHY.

A few sneaky ways we’ve tricked them into eating vegetables:

* Smoothies – Whenever we toss our favorite frozen fruits into the blender, I make sure to throw in some spinach. It gets pulverized in the blender, disguising the turn-off factor of unappealing leaves, and its taste is masked by the fruit.

* Sauces & Soups – If I chop them up good and pair them with the right flavors, I can slip in some veggies in our spaghetti sauce, chicken soup, and cheesy broccoli soup.

* Air Fryer – Brett bought a new air fryer last year (his Amazon picks, of course) and has made some creative options out of green beans, sweet potatoes and zucchini chips–all which the kids have tried with the selling factor of “fries” and “chips.”

* Stonyfield’s Whole Milk Yogurt pouches – Stonyfield gives moms a break and does the stealthy work for you, slipping veggies like sweet potatoes, spinach, beets and carrot in their convenient yogurt pouches and tubes.

Their new whole milk flavors include Apple Cinnamon Sweet Potato (Dash’s favorite–he says it tastes like creamy apple pie), Blueberry Apple Carrot (my favorite–so rich and creamy!) and their new Strawberry Beet Berry yogurt tubes.

My kids’ lunchboxes have come home many afternoons with their snap peas and dip untouched, but the yogurt pouches are always a favorite. Little do they know, they’re packed with carrots and sweet potatoes and beets!  Cue evil mom cackle.

Bonus – no mess, no spoons, no dumped yogurt all over the inside of their lunch box.

You can purchase the new Stonyfield flavors nationwide at Target, Walmart and a variety of other retailers.

Baby dolls are fans too!

6 New Picture Books We’re Loving: Themes of Inclusion, Valuing Differences and Dealing with Hard Emotions

By

It is no secret that kids books send my my heart racing–the illustrations, the covers, the carefully chosen words woven together to help make big beautiful things in life make sense for kids.

I collect kids books like art and have great admiration for the authors and illustrators who use their words and pictures to entertain, delight and inspire children. We have whittled down our collection over the years to fit our shelves, and because we have little space and so many books (publishers send them to me as well), I find myself getting choosier about what new kids books stay in our home and what books I buy for the kids.

The good ones find a way to get in though because I cannot resist beautiful children’s literature, and there are so many new wonderful books being published. I posted this list of 50 of our favorite picture books, but we’ve added several to it since. Especially of note are some new books that deal with important issues for kids–inclusion, acceptance, understanding hard emotions and recognizing, loving and valuing the way we are different from others. These six new books spark needed conversations with kids around these topics and all received the golden ticket to join our favorites collection.

Everybody’s Welcome – A beautiful message of inclusion, this book tells the story of a group of forest animals who all come together to build a home where everyone is welcome and everyone belongs. The illustrations have a beautiful vintage feel to them with a warm and woodsy color palette.

All the Ways to Be Smart – a little hard to get your hands on in the US right now (UK publisher, I believe), but it’s worth the extra shipping. When I heard about this book before Christmas, I went on a wild goose chase to get it–that’s how bad I wanted it. It’s pertinent for every child who has ever compared how smart they are to someone else or how good they are at something compared with how good someone else is. I’m pretty sure that’s EVERY CHILD. And it has a whole other layer of depth for those of us raising a child with an intellectual disability. The message woven through this book is one I feel so passionate that children understand, especially in this day and age of standardized testing being used so heavily to define a child’s ability. That is, there are SO many ways to be smart, and all of them are important. Books and tests are one tiny way, but there’s understanding people, and being a good storyteller, and playing music, and entertaining a crowd, and asking good questions, and caring for others, and making creative fashion choices…the list goes on and on and on. Every child who reads this book will know that their kind of smart is so valuable. Darling illustrations, fun rhyming, and a concept with such depth presented in the most easy-to-understand way for kids.

The Big Umbrella – Similar to the theme of Everybody’s Welcome, this book prompts conversations about kindness and inclusion through the story of an umbrella where everyone is welcome to stand under when it rains, no matter what you look like or how different you are. The underlying theme: Don’t worry that there won’t be enough room under the umbrella. Because there will always be room.

When Charlie Met Emma – This forthcoming book (March 12–can be preordered) is by my friend Amy Webb, the perfect person to write a children’s book about inclusion. Amy has a daughter with limb differences just like the main character in this book who helps a new friend understand how to treat her–just like everyone else. “Different is just different, and different is great.” If you’ve ever wondered how to teach your child how to “react” when meeting someone who looks different or has an obvious disability, this book is a great way to talk about it and remind kids that behind the disability we see is an interesting person–much like you and me–who makes a great friend.

Remarkably You – I want to memorize every word of this book to sing to my children in their sleep — such an empowering message packed in the beautifully illustrated pages of this book. OWN WHO YOU ARE and know your potential. Whether you’re loud or shy, the quiet bookworm, the funny one always making people laugh, the fast one, the one taking her time, the one who easily receives attention or the quiet unnoticed one…DO NOT CHANGE WHO YOU ARE to be like everyone else. Know that you make an impact, just as you are. I love this line: “No matter your volume, your age, or your size, YOU have the power to be a surprise. …You could change the world. Are you willing to start?

When Sadness is at Your Door – An emotionally brilliant book for kids. We have lots of kids books about happy emotions, but we need more books that help kids understand, accept and deal with the other emotions that are every bit as much a part of childhood as all the feel good stuff–sadness, anger, anxiety, etc. This brand new book helps kids understand Sadness and welcome it as a visitor–to give it a name and face and understand that it’s not some haunting cloud that’s part of them but a normal passing guest. The author also give kids some ideas of things they can do with their visitor–draw, sit quietly, take a walk, etc. This book reminds me of the brilliant message about emotions in Pixar’s movie Inside Out and is a good emotion refresher course for adults too.

Any new favorite children’s books you are loving? You know I love to hear about them!