One of my earliest vivid memories of my dad involves the 80’s and his hardcore representation of its fashion sense right down to his popped collars and his permed hair and his pastel sweatshirts prominently displaying the Guess logo–the ones my cousin Tracy used to borrow when she came to visit. Except this memory is about 2nd grade fashion and the first day of school outfit. My dad took me shopping at Oakland Mall late that summer to pick it out. He was often the one who took us clothes shopping because he, unlike many other dads, loved the mall. He also didn’t subscribe to the limitations of what was sensible attire for a second grader. There was nothing sensible about my dad’s ideas–he was creative and fun, so he skipped the piles of neatly folded Wrangler jeans and turtlenecks from JCPenney’s and took me straight to the 80’s mecca–Merry Go Round–to lay the foundation of my second grade back-to-school outfit with accessories that were hardly appropriate for a girl who didn’t yet understand the cover themes on Sweet Valley High books. But I felt so special and thought my dad was the coolest when I came home and laid out the final ensemble–a baggy yellow sweater that was loose enough to pull off my shoulder if I wanted to, a knit black skirt that could pass as “mini” and large hoop earrings that totally looked like something Madonna would wear. My mom would tone it down with the innocence of a two-braid hair-do, but I didn’t care because mini skirt.

I knew my dad was different early on. I didn’t know what made him different, but I knew he didn’t quite fit the mold of other kids’ dads at my school. I thought nothing of it though. So my dad laid in the sun in a Speedo in our backyard while we played and openly cried in front of our friends. Whatever.

He was, he is…expressive. And this, my friends, is the greatest gift my father has ever given us–the legacy of creative expression, of unfiltered sentimentality, of a freely flowing faucet of wild colors and ideas and words and emotions that yes, have embarrassed us many times, but set an example of what it looks like to freely express who you are.

My brother and sister and I spoke at his retirement party a couple years ago, and after my sister and I delivered our pre-written speeches, my brother went up to the mic to wing his, a classic move for my brother that started with a risky joke that made everyone in the room laugh. He ended by saying, “If you’ve worked with my dad, you know he’s an expressive guy. Growing up, I was often embarrassed when he’d cry during a prayer in front of my friends–like, ‘Pull it together, Dad.’ But you know what? I think it’s what I’m most proud of now, and I want to be like that–not afraid to let my emotions show or worry what people think.”

I am so proud to call my expressive father my best friend and so grateful that he’s here, healthy and vibrant and so very much a part of our lives. There is a part of me that has always believed he is invincible, tethered to life by his own vibrancy and the eternal youth that feels locked in place by the strength of our family structure–we are all here, we are life lovers, we are grateful, we are years from heartache, years from ever having to think about what it’s like to have older parents or to lose them. And I still believe that. But when my dad’s brother died two years ago, it brought the sobering truth that so many broken hearts have experienced–that we can’t hold our fathers’ hands forever. And I lose my breath at the the mere thought of what that would ever feel like because my dad’s presence is so big, so colorful, so expressive, that a world without him feels dull.

A friend of mine–my same age–lost her father this year. I heard from another friend, immediately reached out to offer my condolences, and coincidentally bumped into this friend a few days later at the grocery store. I’ll never forget what that looked like, pushing my cart around the corner, meeting eyes with her and running to hug her. No words, just tears. Her weight fell into my shoulders, and I could feel her grief through that hug, through her arms wrapped so tightly around my neck and the way her body shook against my chest as she cried. “I loved him like you love your dad,” she said. And I knew what that meant. He was her best friend.

In my gratitude for having my dad here, for getting to enjoy his presence and his lessons, his friendship and his love, I give back the expression he has taught us, committing to living loud and pouring all of my colors into the world, embracing my sensitivities and sentimentality and turning my creative faucet on full blast. And this Father’s Day, I celebrate him and that expressive spirit with some big 80’s hoop earrings, a mini skirt and a whole lot of love. I draw the line at the Speedo.

Last night, as I was mashing the last lumps out of the potatoes for my shepherd’s pie, Brett and his mom sipped wine and chatted in the kitchen. Listening to people talk in my kitchen while I cook is one of my favorite pleasures in the entire world, and if there’s a heaven, it will definitely involve me chopping tomatoes with the music of laughter from my favorite people who are sitting in bar stools at a counter next to me. Also, I’ll be wearing a baby sling with a newborn. But where were we? Last night in my kitchen. The topic must have been Father’s Day which led to a question directed at me.

“Brett’s a good dad, isn’t he?” Brett’s mom asked, smiling, drawing me into the fun conversation she knew would follow.

“I’m not as good as you think,” Brett humbly argued, “I could do better in a lot of areas.”

“He’s the best,” I jumped in, stepping away from the potatoes and taking a seat on the counter across from them.

We laughed talking about what areas he could do better in–we all know as parents which areas they are, and it just so happens to work out that those areas for him are places where I hold the fort down (and vice versa).

“I mean,” I added, “my friends and family all know that if anything ever happens to me, they’re going to have to get these kids to school because it’s quite possible Brett would just home school them, and by home school, I mean skip it altogether because they were sleeping and he thought it was rude to wake them up.”

Brett laughed, “She’s right.”

“But let me tell you this right now, and this is all that matters.” I shifted my answer from Brett’s mom to Brett, “Your kids, without a doubt, know they are loved. You drench them in it. You speak fluent fatherly affection. Our girls won’t need to seek attention from boys because they’re ever lacking it from their father, and our son won’t for a second question if their dad approves of him. If there’s one thing I know our children will say about you, it’s that they know their father’s heart bleeds for them and that there’s nothing they can do to lose that.”

The marriage advice still stands that you should choose a partner based on how he loves you and not how he will love a child, but I admit I went straight for the latter because I had the unique opportunity of watching him be a father before I had my own children. That love was mesmerizing, and it’s what made me want to marry him. To this day, it is my favorite thing about him.

So, while he has zero patience for Lainey’s slime making and thinks school is overrated and kids should just live their lives playing and having fun, based on his beautiful strong points–the ones that matter–for Father’s Day, I’ve collected my favorite things about watching Brett be a dad and organized them into some a few Rules of Fatherhood for our kids here.

Show Affection.
Invite them in your lap. Wrap your arms around them. Stroke their hair. Hold their hand. Kiss their cheeks. Don’t shy away from these things the older they get. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my kids all pretzeled up in Brett’s arms, their head on his shoulder, their hands in his. And last night, as I watched Brett stand behind his 20-year-old son and rub his shoulders, almost subconsciously, I thought about how important that physical touch is–how many messages it sends to our kids as they navigate through life. Without speaking any words, those hugs and hair strokes and shoulder rubs say, “I’m always here.”

Bestow an Endearing Nickname.
Brett has special nicknames for all the kids–ones only he uses–and they’re kryptonite for all frustrating situations. I know 16-year-old Lainey will melt a little bit, even when she’s mad at her dad, when she hears him call her by the beloved nickname that says, “You’re special…even if you broke your curfew.” Brett even gives silly nicknames to all of Lainey’s friends who come over. Lainey’s friend Maggie actually corrects him if he calls her by her real name. “You mean Tina, right?”

Be Sentimental.
I’m definitely the sentimental one in the family and “talking about feelings” is a phrase equivalent to nails on a chalkboard for Brett, but when it comes to talking about our kids or looking at their old baby pictures or having conversations about how much we love them–how funny and awesome and beautiful they all are–Brett’s practically a Cryderman. We once had a date night where we were sitting at a bar drinking cold beer, tuning out a live band while we both got all teary telling stories about the kids–to the point where we had to shift the conversation away from our kids and remember there’s so much more to talk about. But these kids make him mush, and he never hides that, and I love that about him.

Be Ridiculous.
Buy them something they don’t need just because you know they will love it. Make their mom roll her eyes because you said yes to something you know she thinks is ridiculous. Break the rules sometimes to make a memory. Go ahead–order the Barbie camper. We’ll talk about it in twenty years, and it will remind me of the crazy things you do that make me love you more.

There are so many things we will look back on as parents and wish we would have done differently. But these four are covered in our home, thanks to the man I married who loves his kids so well.

Now come back tomorrow, and I’ll tell you about my own dad.

 

Before we start, you need to know that…

A: Brett’s been asking me to feature his best Amazon picks on the blog for, like, two years.
B: If you follow on Instagram, you’ll know I tease him a lot about his Amazon purchases. Brett’s Amazon Picks is practically a trademarked phrase.
C: Brett loves Amazon like Kanye loves Kanye.

That said, you should also know that Brett’s Amazon picks are often weird random items, sandwiched between “As Seen On TV kitchen gadgets” and “Elephant Gift Stocking Stuffers” in the abyss of Amazon search pages. Scanning our recent Amazon orders has become a favorite entertaining pastime of mine, often followed by, “BRETT!!! SERIOUSLY?”

May I submit Evidence A:

His explanation was a simple, “What? I thought they’d be funny.” Recently I noticed he had ordered a can of spray oxygen–wait, let me repeat that–A CAN OF SPRAY OXYGEN that promises to “boost your mental sharpness.” I kid not. However, in his defense, he has scored some really cool things, thanks to midnight search sessions and his Amazon search method that, I’m sorry to say, is classified information. And while I cannot help but roll my eyes when I open a box to find another set of salt and pepper shakers that look like Mason jars (“because you love jars, right?”), I have come to appreciate his quirky Amazon buys and the way he uses it to show love. Last summer, when we were at my dad’s cabin, he sent Amazon care packages with little things he thought of on his own–a summer wardrobe of Barbie clothes for Nella’s dolls, “mosquito repelling stickers” that didn’t work, some washi tape for Lainey’s scrapbooks. And who else in the world can say they own a pair of large mouth bass slippers? Not many. Proud to be a member of that club.

With no further ado, I give you Brett’s favorite finds on Amazon, most of which I’m pleasantly pleased with. I’ve followed his list with my own favorites and things I frequently get questions about on Instagram–to balance out the random gadgets.

1. Microfiber Sweeper Broom
   This was during his Broom Obsession of 2017 that ended after three purchased brooms and a come-to-Jesus from his wife. After I cut him off, I admitted that this broom really is amazing for wood floors and that I’m glad he bought it. We can go a long time between vacuums with this baby.
2. A Tomato Clip
   Yep, you read that correctly. A clip. For your tomatoes. So you can keep them in place while you cut them. Because lots of people complain about keeping their tomatoes in place while cutting??? (note: so many question marks). I’m not sure, but I do know that when this arrived, Brett was stoked, and now whenever he sees me cutting a tomato au naturale, he yells, “Wait, wait, wait,” runs to his kitchen gadget drawer, pulls this thing out and hands it to me with a satisfied smile that suggests he just solved the world’s biggest problem.
3. Lobby Dustpan
   Purchased shortly after his broom obsession (“What? It’s a dustpan, not a broom.”), this makes me feel like a professional janitor, and I love it. We sweep a lot with three kids, and this saves our backs.
4. The Grate Taco
   I have nothing to say about this. But you need to know that as I’m in my office putting this list together, Brett’s yelling things to include from the kitchen, and he’s adamant I include his grate taco. I can’t.
5. Ace Can Opener
   Excitedly, he enters office. “Oh, oh! Tell them about the can opener. The best can opener in the world. Write that.”
6. Flameless USB Lighter
   “How did you even find this, Brett?”
   “I know, isn’t it cool? No flame. And it charges instead of butane.”
7. Solar Torch Lights
   Another obsession period, these were purchased during the “Light Fixture Phase” that is, I’m sorry to say, still going. Cabinet lights, under counter lights, landscape lights–the man loves him some lights. These ones scored him some high fives from the neighbors and, okay, me too. They’re solar, and the light looks just like a flickering tiki flame. He’s very proud of these babies.
8. Rabbit Wine Corks
   Let’s just say when people come over our house for parties, Brett likes to take them to the wine bottles and give them a 10-minute sales presentation on these corks. He thinks they are the greatest invention on earth.
9. Rainbow Detangling Brush
   This one’s just sweet because, unbeknownst to me, he researched brushes that don’t hurt for detangling Nella’s hair and found this. And the girls love it, and every time they express their love for it, he says, “See, I know Amazon.” And he calls it “Daddy’s brush.”
10. Egg Circles
    For the record, I don’t understand these. I like my fried eggs to fall where they may and firmly stand behind the “eggs aren’t supposed to be perfectly round,” but Brett considers these one of his greatest finds and uses them when he makes us breakfast sandwiches.
11. Silicone Pot Strainer
    Okay, okay, I’ll give him this one. I actually think this purchase may be the beginning of his gadget phases, but we do use it a lot and skip rinsing a colander thanks to this nifty little snap-on strainer.

Mama’s turn. These are the things I get asked the most about on Instagram, but also some Amazon secrets of mine that I love telling people about.

 

1. The Summer Backpack
   After an extensive search for the perfect backpack for summer travels, I landed on this one and I’m obsessed. First, it’s only $32.99. But the best part is that it’s super cute and is the best backpack to keep me organized–so many pockets! Technically, it’s a diaper bag, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s deep and roomy, so it holds my camera and an extra lens plus whatever else I like to carry. And it has a slot on the side for travel wipes, so I can pull a wipe from the pocket without opening the bag–which I’ve found is the most convenient little feature with three kids and constant messes. I’ve told several friends about this who’ve also bought it and texted me that they love it.
2. Wooden Tetris
   I’ve had this on other lists in the past, but I still love it–a wooden mind teaser puzzle that’s really just a real life Tetris game. We have two so two players can race to finish theirs, and we leave it out so guests can play while they’re hanging in the kitchen.
3. Best Affordable Kids Quality Underwear
   I fell in love with these underwear and ordered a few packs once I saw how great the quality was. They’re the good thick cotton, not like the thin ones that tear away from the elastic band. I love the fabric waistband and the sweet simple prints. I get these ones for girls and these ones for Dash.
4. Enamel Cup Set
   I fell in love with Best Made Company’s Seamless & Steadfast enamel cups but am currently choosing not to afford a whole set of them. I did find these ones though which are perfect–still fun and campy. We use them for everything–water glasses, entertaining, wine, cocktails.
5. Mesh Produce/Beach Bag
   These bags are super versatile, and I keep them in my garage. They work for the farmer’s market, grocery store or, my favorite, the beach. I can throw sand toys in them and give it a good shake to get the sand and ocean water out of it.
6. Floating Picture Shelves
   We use these in our living room to display framed photos, but they also work great in a child’s bedroom or playroom to display children’s books.
7. Wall Hanging Note Roll
   Every time this shows up on Instagram, I get so many direct messages asking where I got it. I’ve seen them pretty pricey other places, and this one was under $40. I love it and use it all the time. It’s displayed in the main area of our home, and it’s where we write out our seasonal bucket lists, display favorite quotes and notes to each other and draw art.
8. Pom Pom Earrings
   Loving this current pom pom trend and riding it out with these fun earrings under $10.
9. Our Driveway Chalk
   This is what we use for all our sidewalk chalk drawings. It’s super pigmented and offers 64 different colors. It takes longer to wash off, but it does eventually come off. And besides–we like our masterpieces to last.
10. Kids Retro Knee Socks
    These turn any kid outfit into a cute fashion statement. I love them with dresses or shorts, and lately Nella’s been pairing them with little Birks. Three pairs for $12.
11. Wooden Camera
    Super affordable ($11) and adorable both for play or display in a kid’s room, we love this little camera and all the colors it comes in (this rainbow one!). Nella and Dash each have one.
12. Bluetooth Microphone with Speaker
    Alright, grandparents, aunts, uncles, listen up. Next birthday, Christmas, gift giving event–don’t know what to get the kid you love? THIS IS IT. #12 and #13, and it works for all ages. Microphone and disco light. We use these two things all the time. Dance parties, sleepovers, random Tuesday night when Nella and Dash are bored. You can play music to the speaker from your phone, and the microphone works really good. Turn off the lights, turn on the disco light, play some music and hand the kids the microphone. Entertainment for at least an hour. I’ve featured these on other lists, so this is a repeat, but that tells you how much I believe in this little duo.
13. Disco Light
    See #12.