*disclaimer: the following events happen at rapid speed and without warning thus without guarantee of ideal lighting or time to adjust camera settings. the photos aren’t great, but the fact that they are captured alone is like documenting bigfoot. i never have seemed to have gotten her “in the moment” so i am quite satisfied indeed now.
so, for the most part our home is a peaceful place. but, as of late, there is one event that happens almost every single day that spins us all into a riotous uproar. and it’s my fault because, i cannot for the life of me seem to learn to put my make-up away into a baby-proof place when i’m done with it. and if i’d just figure this out, it would save us from a lot of trouble. a screaming toddler. brett begging me to buy a makeup organizer. frustration. tears. oxy clean on the couch. a load of stained laundry. red-smeared windows. it happens all the time.
and it’s not like it’s blatant. she’s sneaky, she is…and i’ve seen it go down enough times, i know exactly how she does it now.
beginning with the bait.
she knows it’s there…and she pretends she doesn’t care until we’re out of sight. i’ve seen her. she runs to the counter, checks her back once…twice…and then tippy-toes up almost to the point she can see past the counter, reaches her little arm and swipes. all the way to the left, then all the way to the right until she lands a lipstick.
and when it’s in her hand, she checks her back again and then there’s one of two options.
a: if “safe”…she stops. pulls the cap off. checks her back again…and then smears. and we’re not talking a graceful smear. we’re talking cake-in-your-face kind of smashing. smearing. plastering her face with half a tube of mac chili red. but saving the other half for the couch cushions, a little for the front glass door…and maybe a floor tile or two.
option “a” follows with the most logical imaginable reaction from both brett and i. i’ll spare you the details.
but then there’s option b which is my favorite. sad, but very funny to watch.
option b occurs when, after grabbing the lipstick, she checks her back and finds she’s not clear. we spotted her.
so, she grips the lipstick as tight as she can. death grip. (like, once caught, i’ve seriously had to pass her to brett to get it out because i can’t match her strength) once the lipstick is secured, she looks at us…screams…and (here’s where it’s funny)….runs like bloody hell. never seen a baby run so fast. down the hallway, checking her back several times along the way to see what we’re gainin’ on her…and screaming.
usually, we catch her before retreating to a bedroom, but she has managed to make it to a far corner of the house (once even ran in the shower) and then she huddles into a ball…like a hedgehog, protecting the sacred lipstick. the first time it happened, i had to walk away, i was laughing so hard.
of course, both option a and b ends with lipstick retreaval…which is actually the worst part of the ordeal because her reaction is horrid. just never been so sad in all her livelong days.
and, regardless of the fact that i do indeed need to find a magageable way to keep the make-up undercover and that she does indeed need to learn that mom’s make-up is a not-for-babies no-no, the underlying fact remains that my girl is so in love with lipstick and doing anything she sees her mama do, and i love to see her so genuinely happy.
which is why i was overjoyed when i found a fake lipstick eraser at claire’s yesterday for a buck seventy-five. i bought two. and she loves them.
i love my little lipstick girl.
sound familiar? yes, this has happenened before.
oh hilarious. i love it. who would want a well behaved child that never got into trouble…boring, i say…give me a screaming trouble maker any day! lol
oh i love you lainey love, you crack me up!
i love the pic of mad lainey.
i know what she’s screaming in her head, “no mama no, mine, no mama, MINE!” well at least thats what i hear a lot of these days.
The checking back part makes me laugh so darn hard!! So hard! She’s like a football player with the duck and dash! Hilarious! You explained it like I was there for myself!
Hilarious!!
lily’s birthday post? … made me cry this morning …
this post? … i cannot stop giggling now.
hilarious play by play.
and i have to mention … 5th picture? … cora sports that same exact hair-do … every. morning.
and i was so gonna point you in the direction of a pretend play lipstick … i think you need to plant it in the bathroom though … just to keep her on her toes!
Yes, the Morning Hair–I love the one picture where her bed hair is almost like some deranged wedding veil exploding in the back…the picture where she is looking down at her stolen prize…oh that she would develop the same focused interest in, say, a hairbrush! Speed, stealth, and a banshee scream–I smile because you, my daughter, are finally being punished for your own childhood antics. The chase is on!
was just laughing and re-reading…have a question about the first paragraph
who’s tears? lainey’s cuz she’s mad, yours cuz your laughing, or brett’s because you forgot again to get an organizer? LOL
Kelle, what a super fabulous play by play. Reading it, I could just imagine being there watching it play out! An not matter what you say, the pics are great – they go so well with the story. And just so you know, it might not ever change. My daughter, she is 6. And I tell you, every time she knows I’m busy or out of sight, she is in to something that she KNOWS she is not supposed to mess with. She just cannot resist the temptation.
I witnessed this little demolition diva last weekend with a brief outing to Panera and Joann Fabrics. She can, in the blink of an eye, dismantle a display, drag out merchandise, rearrange a shelf and never change her expression. It is not a distracted parent–it is a determined and extremely quick little marauder. She is just amazing…curious, reaching, agile and really quite careful. Deliberate and dedicated to the task, she is t tiny terrorist declaring gihad on the retail world. Lipstick and blush today, laptops and video games tomorrow.
But, I love her…and follow her, dutifully putting everything back and smiling at the clerks who do not look amused. They really need to chill.
She is so cute. I enjoyed going back to the previous post and seeing littler Lainey, too! Funny thing; I let Avi play with my makeup brushes while I’m getting ready for work in the morning and he loves swiping them on his face. It really is sweet how they wanna do everything like mama and daddy.
I love option B…and that she runs like hell, as if you can’t catch her.
I would let her run just to see that every time!! (like oops, you got away AGAIN, oh now there she goes down the hall fast as lightning, oh well, I guess I just have to chase her now, and laugh my ass off, etc!!)
Getting all of that on film is gonna be priceless to you someday… awesome!
xoxo
jc
I love your lipstick girl too! These photos are priceless!!!!
I laugh that you gave her “fake lipstick” because it reminds me of when we,(Nici), first got our puppy, Grizzie..now 13, she would only chew up MY shoes. My husband suggested I give her an old pair of my shoes. I said how will she know the differnce between what she can chew and what she can’t? Not to compare a sweet babe to a pup, but rather realize you can teach a new trick to a lipstick bandit!
xo
ps…a gal should ALWAYS check her back!
Just put together Lainey’s Easter basket… guess I could have saved myself a lot of time if I had just got her a tube of bright red lipstick…
Love the hair with lip stick. PRICELESS
Oh Kelle! I have been reading all of your old posts to see all that I missed before beautiful Nella came along and I started reading your blog. This post made me cry I was laughing so hard picturing little Lainey running away screaming. I just love it!