When I was seven years old, my mom bought me a pair of lavendar double velcro tennis shoes. I wanted them so badly, and when she caved and let me have them–beautiful purple ones, not sensible white lace-ups like most practical mothers would purchase–I remember feeling loved. And as I held my feet up to admire them in the back seat on the way home that day, I remember smiling. “She must really love me. She got me purple tennis shoes.”
When Brett bought me my first piece of jewelry and waited with it behind his back as I stepped off the plane, home from my week-long trip to Michigan, I remember feeling it again. Loved. It was a heart necklace in white gold with little diamonds curled around the edges. Then I read the card and the sweet words that his lefty hand must have labored so hard to neatly write. I knew it then. “He must really love me. He got me a heart necklace.”
When I was reading books to her tonight, watching her pudgy fingers trace the pictures, her lash-laden eyes looking up at me seeking my recognition; her toothy grin reassuring me that my presence is all she needs; her arm resting subtly yet oh so deliberately on my knee to keep me close, I felt it…tears. They come often these days, brought on by the smallest of things. For years, I was confused about God and the portrayal of Him as someone to be feared. Someone who demanded perfection. Someone who I thought of only as scary. out of reach. so far above me. But, now I know. He’s right here. He gave me a gift so far valued above purple tennis shoes or diamond heart pendants. I know it now. “Wow. He must really love me. He gave me Everything.”
I don’t wear my spirituality on my sleeve so to speak, but it’s deep down inside and I find more and more that by enjoying the small things, it resonates more vividly, more profoundly and more beautifully in every area of my life.
Hope my Cubby-cub touches your heart tonight too!
for me, becoming a mom changed my view of God – in a very positive way – more than anything else ever has…so glad you’re able to experience this, too. love you.
And remember, it is not we who define God nor do our most beautiful experiences fully capture His greatness…He WAS and He IS and He WILL BE long after our earthly run is done…but I believe He chooses to touch us and teach us still through the living parables of the life he leads us through and the life he lays in our trembling hands if we but look for Him in it all. And when He gives us lavender tennis shoes, he moves beyond our needs to tell us He knows our wants too. You are my lavender tennis shoes, and I am holding you up in the back seat…proudly. Well written. Write on.
You are so loved by so many! So is LL!! There is no one like you!!
xoxo
Very beautifully written words today.
This is a beautiful post. Just beautifully written.
Hi Kelly –
Probably so random to get someone commenting on a post from 2008 from way over here in the future of 2013. I have been reading your blog for years now and just on a whim decided to start at the beginning, eventually finding the middle where I first joined your journey. But I just wanted to tell you that I am loving ‘the early years’. Such sweet joy just pouring out from being a momma. I have a little girl who is about to be two and something about this early stuff has just touched me. So I wanted to tell you so. Not that I’m not a fan of ‘the today’ – I guess I’m just a fan all around.
At any rate – just wanted to tell you so.
And – to your dad… reading his comments on these early posts has warmed my heart too.
~Heather