last night introduced me to another side of motherhood…a side those glass-is-half-empty people sneeringly remind you is coming…and strangely take pleasure in doing so. ‘oh, you think it’s all smiles and coos now. just wait. just wait ’till you’re up all night when she’s sick,’ they say, ‘wait ’till you’ve had no sleep and you’re ready to tear your hair out.’ …and then they smile, like bursting one more new mom’s bubble is some sort of notch on their belt.
well, my bubble remains in tact. in fact, it’s an even prettier, sturdier, shinier bubble…with swirls of rainbow prisms. a happy, smiling bubble.
she woke up at one with a fever. probably just a teething thing, but i mistakingly took matters in my own hand and gave her motrin which irritated her sleepy little tummy…and led to the next half hour of drama. stomach jerking…throwing up…crying…clinging. more throwing up. hysterics. …and all i could think was how scared she must be at what was happening to her tummy and the way she was clinging to me and crying, and the last thing i wanted to do was pull her away from the mommy she needed. so i held her tight and let her throw up on me. everywhere. …and i hugged her and kissed her, and sang to her. and we rocked as little tears rolled down her hot cheeks (and mine), messy towels draped around the both of us, sick jammies were rolled off her, and all that remained was a warm whimpering baby hugging her mama who tried to make it better.
she slept with me. well, rather, she slept while i felt her head and attempted to close my eyes while she tossed and turned, whimpered and pushed her little body as close to me as physically possible without literally molding into me…for hours. (if there were such a thing as a reverse c-section that puts ’em back in there, she would have wanted it).
…and the whole time, i kept thinking, ‘is this where motherhood is supposed to be hard? is this what they were talking about?’ ‘cuz this? this is….
…beautiful.
there’s such an honor to being the one she wants…the one she needs…the one who can actually make it better. (daddies help too! brett was great last night.) and sometimes, it’s during the sick moments, the hard ones–when i truly see that the glass is not half empty. it’s not half full. it’s overflowing.
she woke up happy as ever today, and back to her old self. and me? i’m tired. exhausted. but smiling. the little battle is over, and i was victorious.
this…this beautiful feeling…this is motherhood.
…enjoying the mother-y things. ~k
Wow Kelle,
You nailed it on the head. It is an honor when your child wants you and only you. You made a time of difficulty and turned it into a beautiful moment in Lainey’s life (and yours). Battle over, a new, happy day today! Give her kisses from me and AJ. Glad she is feeling better! xoxoxo
Some may not understand, but I enjoyed those “a little bit sick” days when you kids were little rag dolls, form-fitting into your parents arms–you were already in our hearts. Those lazy, lethargic times when we’d curl up together in a warm, cozy bed and just wait to feel better…but I already did, just because you found solace in my arms. Enjoy the recovery and get some rest. Now I see why you are not answering any of your phones!
I soooo love your attitude Kelle!
You are a good mama!
You have a great blog! Your pictures are very impressive too. I just had my first son 6 months ago ( I am tired ) lol!! He is a pleasure though. Have a great day!
Wow Kelle, you are such a wonderful mommy. You turned this experience into a positive, special moment. She is so lucky to have you as a mommy. She is so loved!
Crying my eyes out right now as I can relate so well Kelle! Those people so negative about everything do just want to add a notch to their belt knowing that you are struggling. Friday was tough for Skye and I and after reflecting Friday evening while I was on a date with Joe (badly needed). I said the same thing she just needs me so much and on Friday she needed me to stay home lay in bed with her and calm her down. Each day leads to something new and your attitude is 100 percent of life! Thank you for helping me to focus on the beauty of everything!
your post makes me proud to be a mommy (and proud of you too!) Great job Kelle! we’ve come a long way from playing house on a stack of luggage.
oh, poor baby girl.
I love (still) comforting and nurturing my girls when they’re sick…making sick beds, running to the store to pick up vernors and crackers, etc.
you’re a good mom.
that was so beautiful.
it’s so true…how can you not want to be there for a little one that desperately needs you? and the comment about the reverse c-section…so true! i always know my girls are sick when they want to sleep ON me.
it’s what coffee was made for.
you made it! good mama.
She is lucky to have you for a mommy! It’s crazy how these moments can actually be bonding times!
Enjoying even the sick days…..I love it!
I love how you view life! Hope LL’s all better today. Hugs!
well. I love your sincerity in this post. Love that you let her throw up on you. One time I let my cat pee on me because he was so sick and stressed out and we were in the car leaving the vet and I just couldn’t bear to throw him off of me. So I sat there and took it. On my chest and arms. A little on my face. You should have seen the car next to me at the stop light. I bet they are still telling that story.
Anyway, the crazy thing is that bug is sick for the first time right now and I have been dealing with snotty, fevery, clingy, I-wanna-nurse-all-day today. I am working from home and she is sleeping in her cozy crib. I keep running in to check and she is always breathing so that is a relief.
It is an honor to be her everything. At times, overwhelming and even a little annoying, but in the end, an honor. Yup. Well written.
As Kelle’s dad, I hope my dear daughter and “dig this chick” can meet someday…I do believe you are hard wired the same way…perhaps separated at birth. Have a good evening all…let love loose.
Your description was beautiful. I understand COMPLETELY! What a wonderful thing, to be able to care for someone, and to feel so needed. We are their world. I love babying my girls when they are sick too.
oh my goodness Kelle…i felt like i was there with you. your words are so descriptive. Is lainey feeling better now???
Yes, motherhood is such a blessing. i HATE when they are sick, but jeff and I love, “sick cuddles”-what we call them in our house.
you are a great mommy. I can picture you two covered in vomit, crying, and you rocking her…picture of an exceptional mommy.
xoxo
What a sweet comment from poppa. Do you think we’ll meet some day? hhmmm. I like thinking we might!
this came to me from dig this chick. love it. so beautiful.
I realize this is a completely random post to comment on, almost 2 years after the fact, but I just can’t resist.
I feel you on this one. There is something so precious about knowing that after looking and waiting and hoping so hard for my son, he found me and I am his home. It’s amazing to know that I have that special mommy power – that when the going get tough, this kiddo wants his mama. What an honor to be chosen by this perfect little soul to share his happy times and to fix the wrongs…
Hoping your babes are happy and healthy today and if not, at least they’ve always got their mama.
When my 20 year old had kidney stones (a week before her wedding, no less) her dad and I stayed by her side every night for night after long night as she suffered for a week. It was not a duty, but rather an honor to be needed and loved, and to need and to love. And that whole analogy about the cup half full and overflowing? Well, the cup just gets bigger.