…and then there are nights that are just magic

i had a bunch of cute things planned for this post…pictures of last night’s party at lucarellis, lainey’s bottle addiction, her busy-bodied little hustle across the driveway.

…but that was before tonight. and tonight was magic. and magic trumps parties and bottles and even cute little hustles.

maybe i’m more sentimental than most. maybe everybody puts up their tree and cries afterward. maybe every home felt love so real you could touch it tonight.

but, that doesn’t lessen what i’m feeling one bit.

it’s almost midnight, the house is dark all but the dying embers in our fireplace and the glow from the tree…in its first night in our home this season. and after it’s all over…after watching lainey’s wonder, after seeing my dad stretch far up on the ladder to reach the top of the tree, after hearing brandyn laugh and grandma colleen gently explain to lainey how pretty the ornaments were… after all that…

i sit next to brett and just cry.
“brett, these are the nights.” (sob, sob, sob) “these are the nights, twenty years from now, we’re never going to forget.”
he smiles. “you’re right, baby. you’re right.”

when our kids are grown. when our parents are old. when things are different. wonderful in their own way, yes…but different. these are the nights we are never going to forget in all of their perfection.

i don’t ever want to forget nights like tonight.

it was family. and just like every year, we put up the tree with a fire and a christmas movie. tonight, it was elf. and there was laughing. warm bodies curled up on the couch. key lime pie. and lots of “ooh pretty”-‘s.

and then the ornaments. nestled between layers of wired ribbon and strings of white lights are not just ornaments…but memories. and taking them out each year is like a spiritual ritual. i can tell you everything about each one.

the little spring arbor house i painted when i lived with my grandparents in college…and how i remember thinking when i made it, “someday, this is going to mean a lot…when grandpa and grandma aren’t here anymore.” it means a lot now.

the soon-to-be-diaper-diva that arrived in a package in the mail early december two years ago from my sister on a day i was banished to the couch with morning sickness.

the little yellow taxi my dad markered “chicago” on and gave to brett on his first christmas with our family.

the white wooden ice skates my dad got me from chapman house after he saw me admiring them.

the little snowman i bought for fifteen cents at michaels and painted when i was in college and didn’t have any money.

the cherry pie my sister gave me after i baked my first one…and carried on my mom’s pie tradition. it says “for carrying on mom’s cherry pie tradition” on the back.

the snowman with the big glass belly and a tiny snowman inside. i was pregnant and searching for anything to represent my excitement…and when i saw it one night in 2006, i smiled and knew it was the one.

the little silver cradle, already tarnished, and etched with baby’s first christmas. how can that just have been last year?

it’s bittersweet, unwrapping them from their crumpled tissue and letting them serve another christmas on the family tree, earning their precious value more each year. it’s sad as they get more worn and time separates us from their very first christmas on our tree…but yet exciting to see what new ones will find a place there this year. …as we look for what represents their personalities, their accomplishments, their spirits. do they make a happiness ornament? just a great big beam of love and happiness? certainly nothing that could possibly hold as much as we feel.

no, they’re not just ornaments. …they’re memories. precious memories.

and, she has her own little tree in her room too…

oh, tonight was magic. just magic.

and, although i write as much as i can possibly transform with letters and words, there’s so much more that can’t be written. so, beautiful memories they will remain. and, like the ornaments, they will fade and wear a little more each year. but, then again, that’s really what makes them so beautiful, isn’t it?

…enjoying the beautiful, magical things. ~k

oh, and parties and bottles and cute little hustles to come later this weekend. ~k

all this crying and loving the moment stuff makes me a little tired…

goodnite.