Last night, I joined a couple hundred parents in watching our kids perform their kindergarten musical. With less than a month of the school year left, it felt completely full circle–my kid, willingly up there on stage after being peeled from my body, crying, on the first day of school just nine months ago. Although obviously more secure in her environment now, she’s still the same kid she was then. Shy, hesitant, observant. She was an ant in last night’s “Just Buggy” musical, an ant who intently focused on the teachers in front of her, careful to do the motions just right and sing the correct words yet still maintaining her comfort zone of blending in with the crowd. Subtle motions, focused face. I loved that every bit of her performance had me smiling “That’s so Lainey.”
I’ve learned a lot this year about letting my kid be exactly who she is. No more “don’t be shy”s. Just “be you.” And if shy is you, then be gloriously, wonderfully shy. And I will love you. Your shyness, your hesitancy, your intently focused little face. I will love you for who you are.
One of the many beautiful pieces by artist Jennifer Zetts of The Little Illustrator
While I watched Lainey’s show, our dear Nana Kate tended to Nella. Overwhelmed by the crowds and people, Nella preferred to be far away from it all, secured in Nana Kate’s arms in the back of the cafeteria and later, taken outside where she felt free and happy to run around without a throng of people trying to talk to her. She likes her space, and that’s okay. She needs space and patience and in that space and patience, she comes alive–curious and adventurous and yes, sometimes stubbornly persistent. But I love her curiousity and her spirit of adventure and her stubborn persistence. Be you, Nella. And I will love you for who you are.
One of my favorite things about parenting is the opportunity to teach something. Because, in teaching them, we teach ourselves. So, in all these little lessons like “be you” and “try new things” and “you can do it” and “be kind,” we’re reminding ourselves. Many times, when I’m struggling with something, I imagine that I’m a grown up Lainey or Nella or Dash. What would I tell them? How would I encourage them? Those words and feelings come quickly and passionately with the depth of love I have for them and all the things I hope they know true in their hearts. How much more important it is that I know these things for myself. And live them. My kids help make me a better me.
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To all the mamas out there, have a wonderful Mother’s Day this weekend. I know how much my own mama paved the road for my motherhood journey. I realize more having my own kids just how much she did, how much she loved us.
Your Enjoying the Small Things moments this week:
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And a sweet treat from one of our sponsors, Bloomies Handmade. She has two new spring lines out, and she is offering readers 30% off with the code SMALLTHINGS.
Now get out there and have a wonderful weekend.
Lainey is so pretty!
Love this. Have to remember to love my little guy for who he is because he is wonderful just the way he is. Also, side note, I believe I went to high school with Jennifer Zetts. Didn’t know she sold on etsy. How cool!
I too love this and wish it had been told to me as a child growing up. I think accepting myself as I am as an adult may have come sooner and easier if my mom and ‘village’ had been like you.
You’re an excellent example and mother.
Thank you for this!
xo- K
Lainey is very nice, her eyes are so expressive!! 🙂
I just love this post, and the way you parent. I just finished listening to Brene Brown’s Ted talk and this is the perfect example of living and loving wholeheartedly. Lainey looks so very cute on stage, and I love that Nella was getting to do her thing at the same time!
Love this! Love that shyness is embraced, totally OK! xx
What sweet, insightful words. That is what all children want…to be loved and accepted for who they are. You’re mothering skills and instincts are very inspiring. Have a wonderful Mother’s Day.
You hit the nail on the head! I often catch myself wishing my 3 yr old daughter was less shy, more adventurous, more confident, less sassy….Your comments made me realize I need to focus more on her as she is, rather than how I “expect” her to act. Thank you for the reminder….
I have a shy guy and he has taught me so much. I let him ease into new places, situations. I don’t force him anymore to be outspoken
Beautiful post and love the illustration. Also love seeing Samuel in the collage!
My son HATED being in school performances, very shy, and it made him so anxious. I told him not to worry, all the other parents would be so busy looking at their son or daughter , no-one else would be looking at him…. Only me and his dad. This got him through, every time.
Very nice blog post.
Kelle….
“With less than a month of the school year left, it felt completely full circle–my kid, willingly up there on stage after being peeled from my body, crying, on the first day of school just nine months ago. Although obviously more secure in her environment now, she’s still the same kid she was then. Shy, hesitant, observant.”. This touched my deepest emotions!! She has come a long way, your oldest girl!! 😉
“And if shy is you, then be gloriously, wonderfully shy. And I will love you. Your shyness, your hesitancy, your intently focused little face. I will love you for who you are. She likes her space, and that’s okay. She needs space and patience and in that space and patience, she comes alive–curious and adventurous and yes, sometimes stubbornly persistent. But I love her curiosity and her spirit of adventure and her stubborn persistence. Be you, Nella. And I will love you for who you are.”. I needed that!! Being real is a wonderful step toward self-acceptance in my experience!! ;-D
–Raelyn
Happy Mother’s Day to one fantastic MAMA! Lainey, Nella and Dash, your mama is letting her light shine and in doing so is showing others the way.
I just read an article about childhood “shyness” (My girls are a lot like yours).
Anyway- in the article, it said not to mention the word “shy” around the child bc it can have a negative connotation.
Instead use words like: reserved, focused, etc.
It helped me because JUST that day I had been at a party and described my three year old as “shy” – urgh.
Here is the article for anyone who is interested: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/8-ways-help-shy-child
xoxo,
Erika
As one painfully shy girl with social anxiety, letting your girl BE shy thrilled me. Chances are she will grow out of it; she just needs to do it in her own time. It pains me when parents are upset when their kids are shy. I’ve seen it so many times, and as the shyest of the shy, I can honestly say she’ll be just fine 🙂
Are Lainey and dash on the cover of the may issue of land of nod???
My son was very shy and quiet for years and his teachers used to say,”He prefers to observe”, which is a lovely way to tell me “Your boy isn’t singing with the group.” We just drove today to peek at his college again, which he enters in the fall. He now sings loudly and confidently and he has grown into his own self. I loved him shy and I love him loud. Soon I will have to love him from afar, but love him I will.
I will love you for who you are…yes. That’s one of the most important things we will give our children. It;s what I have tried to give my son-with his mental health issues-thank you for this post. Beautiful.
Well amen to that. Unconditional love is true love at its finest. Good momma.
Such a sweet post! Those first photos of Lainey are beautiful.
xoxo Jackie
somethingaboutthatthing.blogspot.com
Beautifully said! I love that line ‘no-one can be youer than you’. That’s the world needs I guess…for us each to be wonderfully truthfully ourselves. I have an interesting wee fellow for a son and he teaches me just as much as I teach him. If I am open to it. There’s my challenge, to really hear him, let him be who he is, over all the noise of my busy life.
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Kelle….
Happy Mother’s Day!! 😉
–Raelyn
Happy Mother’s Day Kelle! You constantly inspire me to be a better person and a better mother!
this is my favorite post of all time (and i’m pretty sure i’ve read them all). i SO wish i had heard fewer “don’t be shy”‘s and more “be gloriously, wonderfully shy”‘s. that would have meant the world to me and saved me a lot of internal fighting with myself to be something i’m not. maybe i can start today with embracing and owning being gloriously, wonderfully shy!!!
thank you,
mackenzie
Beautiful post!
Happy Mother’s Day Kelle
Oh Kelle this post tugged my Mama heart. I am a proud Mama to a shy, hesitant and observant son. It takes a deep understanding, a strong sense of empathy and loving patience to let them be who they were meant to be…”gloriously and wonderfully shy”. It’s been hard at times answering the oh so often question “Why is he so quiet? What makes him so shy?” And I stand strong and reply “He is observant and cautious. And it’s a strength because he is more aware of his environment and the expectations placed on him. When he is confident enough in that environment then his spirit shines” And this is who HE is. And I love him so much for it. And YES he has taught me more about handling life than I could have ever expected!! He is 12 now and has grown so much into himself and has handled many nerve wrecking social situations and has come out shining and it is because we celebrated with the “just be you” attitude. We still struggle from time to time with the anxiety and the social pressures but every experience allows him to grow stronger and stronger in believing in himself.
Okay. Need to stop there or I could write a HUGE blog post here if I kept going….(need to start my own blog….this is very therapeutic this writing thing…).
Lainey, Nella and Dash are blessed with a Mama that “gets it”. 3 different little beings with different personalities and needs and strengths. Keep doing what you do- ROCKING IT!!
Happy Mama’s Day to one AMAZING MOM!!
Monique
What a cute post. It’s so true to be you and to let your kids be them. I love this post. I also understand about Nella, my brother doesn’t like crowds either.
Lainey seems so sweet and gentle in her pictures. I love that you have accepted her personality traits and celebrate them. She’s a lucky and beautiful girl!
Such wise words.
Happy Mother’s Day (tomorrow)!
This is the nicest thing I’ve ever read: “No more “don’t be shy”s. Just “be you.” And if shy is you, then be gloriously, wonderfully shy. And I will love you. Your shyness, your hesitancy, your intently focused little face. I will love you for who you are.”
Like someone said above, I wish I ever heard this as a kid, even one time. I always had a finger poking me in the back, pushing me forward trying to make me do things I was too shy to do.
Happy Mother’s Day, Kelle! You are wise beyond your age. I loved this post for a hundred different reasons — mostly for your ability to express so well your love for your children — each with their own unique gifts. And, you’re so right — our kids are our greatest teachers.
Wishing you a most beautiful day!
Saw Lainey & Dash on the cover of the May Land of Nod catalog. So awesome to see their familiar faces in my mailbox!
What a beautiful message, Kelle. As a first time new mom and admitted wallflower, I can truly relate.
Keep being you–because you are beautiful.
The image that you displayed with the quote “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you” is unattributed. It is from “Happy Birthday to You” by Dr. Seuss. It’s disappointing to see something like this unattributed, and someone trying to make money using someone else’s words.
Consider that one or more of your children are introverted, not necessarily shy. You can certain be both, but not all introverted people are shy and not all shy people are introverted.
You are such a wonderful Mom! I loved this post. It’s so hard sometimes choosing between what you want your children to be and what God has chosen for them to be. Beautiful post! I miss the pictures. All pictures are a photobucket square.
What changed? Not a single photo on the entire blog is showing up for me anymore! It is only a photobucket square asking “is this your photo?”
I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day, Kelle.
I too, was the shy kid…painfully so. I remember my parents apologizing over and over to others because of it, and that made it worse for me.
You’re doing a great job, mama.
xo
I love this post, and her look of concentration.
My Trav was a shy Mama’s boy…I let him bloom on his own schedule…what a beautiful strong 32 year, JUST married, confident son I have. Youer than you…LOVE this!
xo, Bug & Ruby’s Gram
ps….also love that you all will be together soon!
I am now 35 years old and we performed the same musical when I was in 4th grade! An oldie but a goodie!
You are beautiful. Thank you for your words. I wish you to always always find the way to enjoy the small things.
I love your pictures Kelle. Any ol’ time at all, whether I’m having a bad day or not, your pics and beautiful words make my heart warm 🙂
Hi Kelle,
I am from India and have been a silent reader of your blogs since last 6 months. I keep checking your site, for the new additions. I have read all the archives of your blogsite and have been greatly inspired. On a side note, you are the one, who has encouraged me virtually, to start writing and so I have.
Please do have a look at
anoptimistic.wordpress.com
and let me know your views. Your feedback means a lot to me.
Thanks !!