“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” ~Margaret Young
I felt emotionally itchy yesterday afternoon–a ball of boredom, edginess and discontentment slowly growing until it seemed nothing was right. I noticed everything–the split ends on my hair, the balled-up lint on the rug I just vacummed, the fact that the chipped dishes in our plate collection now outweighed the intact ones. I hadn’t reviewed sight words with Lainey as much as I wanted to this summer, and there are a slew of creative projects in my brain that I haven’t made efforts to unleash.
“I have to get out of here,” I told Brett. Because sometimes I think bolting is the best answer for discomfort. He took the girls in the pool while I buckled Dash in the carseat, anxious to go find the cure for my edginess. I’ll go thrifting, I thought. Or walk the aisles of Target. Get a coffee. Buy a new book. Find a new lipstick color.
I drove without any plan of where I was going until I realized that maybe bolting wasn’t the answer. Everything I loved was back at home, and my attempt to run and find something that would temporarily calm my edginess was probably only feeding it. So I turned around and went home. I brought Dash inside, tapped on the sliding glass door to signal to Brett I had returned and smiled when he raised his eyebrows. “Back so soon?” he mouthed.
I made tea and sipped it slowly, watching from the window while the girls played in the pool. I can’t say that my discontentment magically disappeared, but my discomfort with it did. There are many times that a quick trip to Target or a new book is needful for a pick-me-up or a game changer among monotony. But yesterday, it felt good to give my discontentment a big ‘ol hug instead of running away from it.
I need a haircut. My dishes are chipped. The carpet in my bedroom is outdated and dirty, and I am kicking my own ass far too much lately over things for which I need to make room for compassion. Today, I’m telling myself, “It’s okay to not be there. Here is good too.” This place where I am in raising children, in exploring the world, in creatively expressing myself, in navigating my faith journey and taking care of a family and following paths of dreams? It’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. So settle down. Be who you are. Do what you need to do. Don’t live life backwards…you’ll miss so much.
*****
We’re getting ready for school to start next week, squeezing in some fun day adventures while we can. That’s what I miss the most about summer–having Lainey here and being able at any given time to say “Hey, let’s go do something fun.”
Last week we painted pottery at a little studio downtown and then set out to explore the neighboring dock.
The girls washed their hair in the rain fall-off from the pizza parlor roof because I heard that was very sanitary and conditioning.
And this weekend, our family took a day trip to see our dear friend Rebecca who was visiting her parents on Gasparilla Island. Right off shore we saw snook, needlefish, jellyfish, two dolpins and a manatee.
No, those two dolphins weren’t the ones we saw.
Jellyfish. Not breast implant.
Oh, and a perfect example of the truest contentment dwelling right where we are, in our homes. While Brett had Lainey in the pool the other night, I attempted to put Nella and Dash to bed but instead just watched them do their sibling thing.
Music: “Song for Zula” by Phosphorescent
Hope your week is starting off well.
Beautiful!!!
You would be great at homeschooling… Just saying! It is fun times!( disclaimer homeschooling isn’t superior to any other education and I am in no ones shoes) It just crossed my mind when I read this post! I love all your posts!!!
You are one blessed mama!
loved the video shes so sweet with him and he’s getting so big!
I hear ya. Embrace yourself (the new Brace Yourself). While our uncomfortable times are on a larger, worldly scale much more comfortable than a lot of other Earthlings- it’s important to allow ourselves to feel those feelings and let them pass. Running from them doesn’t help, beating yourself up for having them doesn’t help. They are real and deserve whatever it is in the moment that will help you be more gentle with yourself and those around you. No running. (although literally running actually does help Me)
I’m babbling, and your photos are beautiful!
xo
Oh my gosh my heart melted at that video. I know that feeling of discontentment…my personality is constantly trying to improve things and picking out flaws. It consumes me a lot which takes away a lot of life’s joys. And I’m 39 weeks nesting like crazy on top of it! I think I just need to learn to be still and think of the bigger picture that life is too short. Such amazing pictures in this post too.
I needed this today. Thank you. I’ve been struggling a lot lately with everything that I don’t have – a magazine-like bathroom with matching shower curtain and soap dish and rugs… fancy dishes… buying new clothes for myself just because…
But what a perfect reminder. Here is good too. One day, I’ll reach *there* and have the time and the money to buy all those fancy things… but right now, I am raising my beautiful babies, and I will find contentment in that.
See, I just knew this wasn’t going to be a post about breast implants (like the thumbnail picture suggests) Ha ha. That little video just melted my heart.
Okay, I needed to read this and see this video this morning. I am moving my 4th and final baby to her college apartment next week. I haven’t been emotional at all until this morning and I can’t stop bawling. I miss my children being babies and little people. Thank you for sharing.
OMG – that Dash is getting cuter by the day! Seriously, you need to talk to Brett about having a dozen more kids!! People who have such beautiful kids need to do their part in filling the world with beautiful people!! 😉
Some of my best memories of my childhood were just being a home – just having mom around, we’d be playing or coloring, or whatever. Your kids will remember those times, too. How lucky they are to have a great mama like you!
Have a wonderful week just being content in the moment!
I’m expecting #3 at the end of October. That video just made this pregnant mama tear up. I can’t wait to have another babe around! So sweet 🙂
Beautiful pics! And I’m totally diggin those yellow shoes:-)
Watching them “do their sibling thing” just totally made my day. What a beautiful moment. So much love 🙂
Thank you – this post couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s good to know I’m not alone, as I sit among a messy room, a huge pile of papers to be filed and the most ugly set of closet doors that I wish I could replace rightthisseccond. I’ve been trying to run from my discontent for weeks now – I think it might be time to embrace it for what it is. Love the quote you started your post with, that is a true keeper!
That video is priceless….loved everything about it! Just love how you “enjoy the small things” and put things into perspective….you are one good mama!!!
I could not possibly love you, your family, or this blog any more than I already do.
You’ve completely changed my day on more than one occasion (for the better). It’s been almost 2 years ago that I found you. I had just give birth to a precious and perfect baby girl with Down Syndrome. I was terrified and in the darkest moment of my life. You made me snap out of it and come to my senses. My life doesn’t look the way I imagined it, but it’s ok…because it’s SO.MUCH.BETTER. 🙂
Much Love from Oklahoma!
-Miranda
Beautiful post. I think as women, mothers…human beings, we all go through funks. I like to call it feeling “blah”! And I know what you mean…reatail therapy sometimes helps, but being with or watching my children often brings me the greatest joy and no material thing can compare with that.
This was just what I needed today. Thank you 🙂
And, um, it kind of looks like you’re holding a boob implant.
Love the video, Kelle!
That video of Dash and Nella was just precious. Sometimes we need to stop and smell the roses. The things in life which bring the most happiness are often right under our nose…but sometimes we don’t appreciate it until it’s gone.
That is the sweetest video! Precious babies…always enjoy your posts.:)
Such a sweet video. I am surprised by how emotional it is for me when my baby (march 14) breaks into a beautiful, wide grin when her sisters come into view. She loves them SO MUCH! I can see that with Dash and Nella. That baby has your eyes, Kelle! So cute, all three of them.
beautiful photographs! my favorite one is of Nella eating her ice cream cone (:
Beau-ti-ful.
Kelle, i love that video. I have a 4 and 2 year old girls and a 6month old boy at home. This video really hit me in my soft spot. Teared up and everything. I was just telling my husband the other day, that watching our kids all get along and laughing together has to be one of the most precious and proudest moments for a parent. Thank you for your blog’s message of being happy with the life we lead.
Your video is beautiful! I love moments like those. Thank you for sharing! Than you also for the reminder to live in the ‘here’ instead of always wanting more.
Alleluia!!!
Kelle, your girls & Ivy? I could die. Naturally also I’m in love with Nella & baby Dash at the end. I’m restless a lot myself. Maybe I should just look at my boy & my dogs sometimes instead of fussing over it. We are blessed. xo SarahLICMom
Precious, precious children. Thank you for sharing.
“The girls washed their hair in the rain fall-off from the pizza parlor roof because I heard that was very sanitary and conditioning.”
This sentence cracked me up! LOL
That was beautiful and so necessary on this Monday. The video is the sweetest thing. There’s nothing like sibling love.
As I sit here punching the keyboard on my laptop (working on my dream of being a successful breadwinner) I decided to check in on your blog (as I do from time to time). Your post could not have come at a better time. I have spent the last year building my business and trying to make it “big” so that my little kiddos can have whatever they want. My husband reminded me yesterday….as I too sat in a pool of discomfort and discontent….that nothing else matters but our family and our sweet children. That the money or success I am working for is for not if I am not taking the time to ETST. I to have failed to go over words with my future first grader or done the art projects I have talked about but not followed through on…I appreciate your writing and your words as everyone else above does. Thank you Kelle.
Thank you. I needed to read this. Lately, I have been feeling like “everything is wrong” and “nothing I do is right” and need to step back and realize my daughters are healthy, my husband loves me and we’re all okay.
This has been hitting me big time. Maybe because it’s the end of summer. So, yeah, I get you. Perfectly said, and perfectly captured in pictures.
Absolutely beautiful video! This post helped me in more ways I can tell you! I cried myself to sleep with feelings of discontentment last night. And, today, as I clean my messy house and let the kids have more screen time then they should… I’m embracing the messiness of life and taking the time to see the beauty in the ordinary. Thank you!
Absolutely love that video, and I love the way you see your children. Thanks for sharing it with us. I’m only twenty one, but I hope one day i can be the type of mama you are!
http://www.oliviadaisy.blogspot.ca
Beautiful…. love the video ~ it’s the sweetest 🙂
I, too, when seeing the picture on FB, thought your post was going to be about you getting breast implants. Was pleasantly surprised to see it was one of my favorite kinds of posts from you. 🙂 Babies, kids, ice cream and pretty places are the best. You never disappoint!
I just Love your blogs, my children are all grown and not yet ready for children of their own, so its such a joy to get a peek into yours brings back so many memories. They grow up so fast and carpets will be dirty and you will feel stressed sometimes..I just wish I had left some handprints on the door..Thank you for sharing 🙂
fun to recognize where you are as I live in Naples also. Just went to the ceramic place and ate dinner at the Dock restaurant 🙂
1~Have I told you how much I love Nella’s eyebrows? I do…so much.
2)When did Ivy become one of the big girls?
3)The video~perfection.
4)Umm..if you want my opinion, don’t cut your hair..ever.
Oh how this post resonated with me today! Today has an been an epic fail in the mothering department!! I should be cherishing these last few days (school starts Wednesday) but instead I found myself being that screaming monster momma! 🙁 EPIC FAIL!! But tonight, tonight is going out to eat with grandma and getting the last of the school supplies. And tonight can be great! Here’s to being content where we are and not living life backwards!!
So I totally thought that one photo was of a breast implant!
lovely…just lovely
Thank you.
I love your videos. Thanks for letting us into your beautiful world – temporary discontent and all.
The first time I read this, I thought you wrote “exploding the world.” Then I reread it with my daughter, who likes your family, and realized it was “exploring.” Exploding is kinda cool, too!
Thank you so much for that… I needed that today! Well written as always.
xo
-Michelle
trustmeimamom.com
I did make a restless Target run last night! My second baby strapped to my chest, I phone chatted with my too far away best friend and roamed the aisles taking in patterns and colors and I felt so much better when I got home. I’m two months into being a mother of two and I can totally relate to needing to be more gentle with myself. I remind myself every day lately that exactly where I am and what I am right now is exactly right.
OH MY GOOOOSH, YES!!! i felt this EXACT same way today!! and I came to those same wonderful conclusions, although yours sound so much more eloquent and magical. But yes, i am totally with you on this one. You know my favorite part about slowing down and accepting that uncomfortable feeling of edginess? The kids can sense it, and that makes them more at ease. They play better, they whine less, they are grateful that you’ve chosen to keep everyone put and just BE. I’m amazed at my kid’s good attitudes when we choose to slow everything down. It’s magical.
thank you for sharing. love your thoughts, so inspired and encouraged by them and love the video of nella and dash. such sweetness!
This is why I love your blog so, so much. Because you seem to perfectly articulate exactly how I feel as a mom – but so much better than I have been able to. I have that discontent feeling a lot lately too, and for all the sane reasons. And in order to calm the moods that sometimes get me down, I try to be as present and in the moment as I can when I’m home with the Fam. Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone-especially in seeking relief at the local Target. 🙂
I did the exact same thing yesterday. I get that feeling you are describing from time to time…the uneasiness, the unsettled feeling…”I have to get out of here.” Yesterday I left, just walked out, leaving the 4 kids behind and the hubby. Drove off, not even sure what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. I got as far as the closet Walmart, pulled into a spot, and pulled it together. I headed right back home, gathered up all 4 kids and went grocery shopping. Something I don’t do often, cause really who wants to grocery shop with 4 kids! It was just what I needed…
Kelle….
First things first. I love, love, love that opening quote!! What words to live by!! ;-D
“I drove without any plan of where I was going until I realized that maybe bolting wasn’t the answer. Everything I loved was back at home, and my attempt to run and find something that would temporarily calm my edginess was probably only feeding it. So I turned around and went home.”. Very good!! 😉
“I can’t say that my discontentment magically disappeared, but my discomfort with it did. There are many times that a quick trip to Target or a new book is needful for a pick-me-up or a game changer among monotony. But yesterday, it felt good to give my discontentment a big ‘ol hug instead of running away from it.”. I repeat. Very good!! I liked that!! ;-D
“This place where I am in raising children, in exploring the world, in creatively expressing myself, in navigating my faith journey and taking care of a family and following paths of dreams? It’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. So settle down. Be who you are. Do what you need to do. Don’t live life backwards…you’ll miss so much.”. Oh, Kelle…. I tried very hard not to cry upon reading these words. Because I saw ME in them!! I “live life backwards” far too often…. But I work against it. 😉
“A joyful heart is content in all things.”
–Raelyn
PS. Sorry. Long comment!! ;-}
Love the pictures and the video! Sometimes when we feel like getting away, the best thing to do is stay where you are… take a step back and just take a look at everything around you.
A timely reminder for me, as my own sense of discontentment and edginess has been hovering heavily the last few days. Tonight I kept the laptop closed, made a simple pizza dinner, baked double chocolate cookies with my lovies, and cuddled up for extra-long story time. Just what I/we needed 🙂
that video….wow. sibling love at it’s best
Been having those same feelings the last few days. I do like to head out on my own when I get that way…and normally to the same kind of places, thrift stores, the library. But lately, I’ve been trying to declutter and rearrange and organize the house. Maybe that’s why I feel like this!!
I do have a ton of projects I want to do but I have to realize I have a four month old and three other kids, and now may not be the time to do them.
Also, I love quotes. I remember when I was little reading them out of the back of our giant dictionary just for fun. Thanks for sharing!!
Just beautiful.
I love your blog- to pieces… I have never commented and this has been one of my favorites! Your children are beautiful and I love the way you love and appreciate all the small details in life. You are an inspiration to all mothers and esp. to those who have children with Down syndrome. I first found you when your book arrived in my mailbox 2 weeks after I gave birth to my 2nd daughter, who has Down syndrome. Times when I was scared of the unknown, I would hop onto your blog to let me see that not only was everything going to be alright….it was going to be just like I imagined….if not more! Thank you! Xoxo
Oh Kelle! How I needed this post tonight! With a husband out of town (again!!!) and just returning from a little family get-away, today just felt crummy! Feeling so frustrated, it was so nice to see I am not alone! And the video of Nella and Dash – so precious!!! Much love to you! Thanks for always providing such great inspiration!
This was just what I needed to read tonight – feeling the same itchiness but couldn’t quite put it into words like you did. My #3 was born about the same time as yours and it’s fun to watch pictures of your family growing and growing up in a sorta similar fashion to ours 🙂
I literally see Jesus in your video. Your children are beautiful! Oh it’s soooo good!!!! Thank you for posting. It made my night! That is what it is ALL about 🙂
Mama Kelle–
So needed this message today. I need to work on becoming more content with “now” and stop stressing/worrying about/planning for the future so much. Beautiful words, and pictures, as always.
Nella and Fishstick vid? One word. SWOON!!!!!!
Sleep tight Hamptons! xoxo
They are growing so fast. Kelle, I know you aren’t planning to send Nella to preschool so can you help those of us curious how you’re preparing her for school? Does she still get OT and PT at home? Those of us with SN kids would love to hear how you are handling Nella’s preschool years. 🙂
Top #10! This is definitely one of your top ten posts! We’ve all had days/weeks like this! But you strung the words together so well! Thanks for reminding the mamas that it’s not simply a quick fix (escaping, new lipstick, etc.) it’s slowing down, taking a step back and seeing with new eyes what is truly in front of you! Family is a blessing and you have been blessed, Kelly! Again, thanks so much for sharing the hard times and the good times with us! They are always your best posts! Keepin’ it real! You are doing a great job!
I’m in love with this post!! Thank you! Such an inspiration! & that video, I die over!
That’s the cutest video I ever saw!
Beautiful post Kelle. Love your ability to capture the essence of ETST, especially on the harder days. This past saturday I too was feeling restless and emotional and needing to do something epic or get out and have a pedicure or shop at my fave antique store … instead I tried to relax and tidy up during the babe’s nap time, then took a little road trip for a car show with my babe, my husband and 2 friends – something that felt daunting earlier in the day, but turned out to be exactly what I needed. There are so many renovations I want in the house and things I want to buy, but everyday it is a little clearer that those are not the things that create happiness. Here’s to being who we are now and enjoying it all!
That itchiness is school starting. It’s paralyzing sometimes thinking of everything you want to do and all the time you want to just sit and be with them.
I am taking my biggest boy to college this week and feeling the same way. There is so much we haven’t done that I wanted to do, and yet I can’t stand to cram too much in and make it go faster.
Thanks for the reminder to just be here. It’s good, even if I know it’s going to be hard.
I see the lip is hereditary! Love seeing your Littles growing. Thank you for sharing the glimpses of now. We know there will be wonderful too.
You are one blessed mama!
I could not possibly love you, your family, or this blog any more than I already do.
love you all
I just stumbled upon your blog. That was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
I know that feeling well, unfortunately. When one thing starts getting to me, a hundred other little things snowball until I’m a grump. My solution tends to be in the little things, like a cup of tea in my favorite mug. A rerun marathon of a favorite show. Or yeah, TARGET! As always, love how this post showcases small moments. And that sweet video at the end was a nice surprise. Looking forward to the next one!
This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you.
You made me laugh! Especially the part about the sanitary and conditioning hair wash off the pizza parlour roof! Perfectly imperfect parenting over here too… http://joelauraryankiana.blogspot.ca Come visit!
Amen, girl! I have to give myself that same pep-talk daily. Be here. Love the now. Embrace the chaos. Because one day we will miss the ruckus of little feet. “Be present” is my mantra…
I was so gonna feel you on the retail therapy bit (thrifting is my drug of choice as well), and then you turned around. Awesome.
And I laughed out loud at the jellyfish/breast implant because your delivery was perfect.
Such a lovely post. You never disappoint.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I can totally relate to this right now, Kelle. I’m a single mom with a three year old, yearning to start a relationship and a bigger family in a house instead of an apartment and a real career instead of a graveyard shift assembly line job. I get so frustrated and impatient. But I often have to remind myself that Kade is THREE. And I have to enjoy that right now. He isn’t going to be three forever. So although things aren’t how I pictured them… they’re good right now too. Thanks, as always, Kelle!
Love this post and the quote! Shared it with the hubbie who was just as much in need of these words as I was. Thank you for the inspiration as always! Love love love the video! I’m trying more and more to capture those little moments rather than worry so much about the big ones. Any chance you have a tutorial on how you make your videos? Or suggestions on where to look for one? Thank you for writing and sharing! Hope the itchiness has subsided 😉
**and I am kicking my own ass far too much lately over things for which I need to make room for compassion. Today, I’m telling myself, “It’s okay to not be there. Here is good too.”**
Oh goodness, I needed to read this today. I got home from a family camping trip too late last night, drove in to a ticket on our broken car, piled up mail in the mailbox, piled up dirty dishes in the kitchen counter and ended the vacation in tears over the house/yard/wifedom being a wreck.
“Here’s good too.” That’s my new mantra for this week. Thank you.
Where to start…. The breast implant, it surely was , right?!?!?! To the video, which I am still drying my eyes over. Our two youngest are equal time apart ( mine just turned 4&1.. Beauty kelle, honestly in every word.
Love the video!
That video just UNDID me, girl. I’ve been a reader for sometime but have never commented. You’re so very lovely.
We live in Venice now and I always hope to run into you on the beach! That would be so fun!!!
I needed to read this tonight. Thank you!
You’re a very smart cookie! Thanks for sharing your babies. Enjoy them. How I miss mine.
you are so inspirational… we have a 4 year old little girl who’s growing up too fast and we are pregnant w/ #2 (Due March 9th)… i find my discontentment all too present lately in wanting everything just so and that’s not life and how God intends our life to be…the hiccups are what make us who we are… thank you for opening my eyes today… i LOVE your blog and the “footsie” between Nella & Dash got me…. 🙂
Your videography is getting better and better. I love this one so much. Totally inspirational.
Ha ha! When I saw your pic of the jellyfish, the first thing I thought was “that looks like a breast implant!” 🙂
I so much enjoyed the video of Nella and Dash… her smile is so beautiful and seriously warms my heart. So much that i cannot describe it in words, just emotion. Their brother/sister love displayed here is so pure and so simple. And their feet intertwining… slays me. Thank you so much for sharing this moment.
Precious video of Nella and Dash!
Beautiful post and video. Good reminder to just live….we live far from family and are new to the area so in need of friend connections. It’s really hard to know we are in the right place, etc. But, I think everyone feels that way a lot.
Your video is amazing! Not only is the content super adorable but you did a great job of creating the video! What program do you use to create the videos?
Side note question, How is Bret’s health? He looks happy and healthy in the post, I hope that’s true. You have a Beautiful family.
So this was a beautiful post. However, for me, I keep returning to “jellyfish, not breast implant”. I’ll be laughing all day!
I love that picture of Nella drinking from the juice box so much. Her face, especially in profile, is just beautiful. It reminds me that even in what we view as mundane, there is an amazing beauty.
LOVE this post! Something I especially need to be reminded of from time to time!
Bwahahaha I love how you wrote “Jellyfish. Not breast implant.” Cuz I TOTALLy saw that photo and thought, “Breast implant?” hahahaha
The video is priceless! The slide of Nella holding Dash’s hand while he’s sleeping made me tear up!
I haven’t caught up on my blog reading in a while… Been drowning in my own list of things to do! But THANK YOU. I really needed to hear that ‘here is ok’
You are such a gifted lady with an amazing knack of helping others as you blog your journey of life and motherhood xx