Little Easter Moments.
What I remember…
Hustling.
Mom ironing new dresses.
Searching for tights.
New shoes if we were lucky.
A hot skinny-barrel curling iron.
Two bang curls up, one under.
Comb, comb, comb it out.
The Aqua Net Mist–one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four.
Comb, comb, comb it out again…until all hairs line up perfectly, no funky spaces.
Feeling really special, really pretty, really important.
Running out the door to make it to the van before it beeped.
Walking into the church foyer.
The smell of the sanctuary.
Lilies at the alter.
Stained glass windows.
The banners–“He is Risen” in gold glittery felt.
Wooden pews and the wine-colored cushions.
Worn red covers, The Hymnal in rubbed-off gold letters.
The Old Rugged Cross, Worthy is the Lamb, Because He Lives.
Hands raised, eyes closed, lots of Amens.
Communion.
Purple grape juice in tiny plastic cups,
Crunchy white bread squares in shiny gold plates.
Hands stretched and feet nailed to a cross.
Feeling loved, wondering if I was loved, knowing I was loved….
Because He Lives, Because He Lives, Because He Lives.
Twenty Years Later.
Little Easter Moments.
What I know….
Getting ready for breakfast.
Hustling.
Coffee.
Searching for cream.
More cream if we’re lucky.
We’re lucky…more cream.
One baby up.
One soggy diaper.
One arms-around-my-neck close cuddle.
Two babies up.
Another soggy diaper.
Another arms-around-my-neck close cuddle.
Three babies up.
Another arms-around-my-neck close cuddle.
I hum.
I remember The Old Rugged Cross and Worthy is the Lamb and Because He Lives
But I hum The Beatles I Will because the lyrics hold more truth than confusion.
Kisses on cheeks, breath on my neck, hair in my hands, weight on my chest…they fit perfectly into me…
A faith I know.
Tulips on the table.
The smell of French Toast.
Wooden chairs and floral cushions.
Laughter. Little laughter.
Tiny scraps of lettuce leftover from what the Easter Bunny ate.
Wicker baskets, shredded paper grass.
An Origami set, chocolates, new colored pencils, beach shovels, marshmallow Peeps.
Plastic pastel eggs broke open with jelly beans, coins, connections between their childhood and mine.
Worn couch cushions.
Hands held, lots of Wows.
Communion.
Diluted orange juice in small plastic cups.
Warm French Toast squares swimming in syrup puddles
On pink puppy plates.
Sticky hands stretched,
Feet crossed under the high chair.
Feeling love, knowing love…
Because….
Melding the faith and religion and tradition and confusion and foundation and love of my past with the solid comforting truth of my present…to love them. To love them as best as I know how, with everything that’s in me…to feel love, to know love, to give love…
Knowing it’s enough.
Our Easter cake…we massacre a good cake.
And a text from my dear new friend, late at night,
When Easter Sunday is over,
When the kids have been hugged and read to
Their foreheads kissed, their dreams blessed,
Their futures pondered from a mama who hopes she’s giving
Them everything they need to feel big and small all at once
In this world that needs both Courage and Humility
Belongingness and Bravery.
A new poem that dear friend wrote…
One day
I heard god’s voice.
It sounded like
the kindest,
most generously loving
version
of myself.
~annie flavin
Happy Easter, dear babies.
You are loved.
(..and thank you annie for reminding me
that stanzas are another perspective for looking at life.)
Beautiful pictures, Kelle. Lainey with the bubbles, Nellie’s dress, Dash in the radio flyer wagon. Precious beyond measure.
Love you, love Annie and love “I Will”. I sang it to all of my babies. They would ask me to sing the “Love you forever” song. That’s what they took from it…I would love them forever. and I Will.
xo
Michelle
I love “I Will” too. I adore The Beatles, but have you heard Alison Krauss’s version? I think you’d love her “Baby Mine” too. Her voice is so, so good.
Happy Easter, Hamptons!
Perhaps a favorite post of yours for me… Beautiful words, beautiful pictures, beautiful truths.. Amen sista!
Amen!! Beautifully written and your photos…WOW! So simple but speak volumes of the lOVE that takes place in your home. Thanks for sharing such precious pieces of your past and present Easters with us.
Monique
Really, really beautiful.
That’s all.
Dash is so flippin cute
I love how you structured this post! It speaks to the former legal secretary in me. And when I got to the end and saw Annie’s words? Well, that just made me smile. Beautiful. Both of you. xoxo
i loved this post, reading it made me feel good. isnt it so true that we revisit our childhood holidays each time we celebrate with our children.
So great how you wrote this…stanzas are easy to read. Your Easter looks divine. Relaxed and sweet. We had such a great day too. Just us. And some new memories.
Lovely, lovely post and beautiful photos too.
Happy, happy belated Easter. Love this.
Oh Kelle. Last night Rob and I were discussing our what we remember about Easter as a child. This Easter was odd. Rob’s father passed away a month ago – and his Mother is still recovering from the combination of her amputation and total hip replacement. So we decided to do Easter with my family.
My childhood Easter was all about church. We went 5 times in 2.5 days! I remember dreading Good Friday cause my Mum expected us to be sad. Sunday all was happy again. Easter buns for breakfast, and the Easter egg hunt after church.
Sunday should have been good. But 18 noisy people, no formal sitting at a table and chasing after the girls to ensure they didn’t hurt themselves or my parents stuff. The chocolate and gifts were dumped unceremoniously on the table. I left feeling tired, I didn’t connect with many people (my sister and sister-in-law) and I felt a bit cheated.
I think I will have to make an effort to do things or organise it myself, cause goodness knows I can’t go through watching each year disappoint me, and the girls. Luckily they were too young to remember. It’s so hard, cause Mum rang up the next day and said she loved it, she just wants is all in the one place, the food, fellowship and fun didn’t seem to matter. Sorry to download. xxx
Love the shrimp origami and poetry:)
This was beautiful.
Beautiful words Kelle and beautiful photos too! I was remembering about my Easters as a child this year. I remember a new dress for Easter and a Thorntons egg with my name on it. No egg hunts when I was small. Glad you all had a peaceful,fun time x
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I’m assuming Laniey made the table decorations. I love the shrimp? How did she do it?
I could relate to all of that, but especially ‘the smell of the sanctuary’….a universal smell I guess.
Kelle,
I am close to the end of your book right now. As much as I want to read it all in one day, I read a little bit every day because I don’t want it to end. They always say that a book is good when it’s over, and you are homesick for the characters. Well, I am sitting at work, still in the middle of the book, and am homesick for the characters! So, I just had to find your blog to fill my void….
beautiful Easter pics. Lainey is getting so big, and Nella is so priceless and beautiful in every way. and I didn’t know there was a third, but, now I do 🙂 which makes your story even more inspiring.
Yesterday, after some trouble at work, I was holding onto fear and sadness. And then I came to the part of your book where you decided to “stop saddness at he door, pin him up against the wall, point your finger hard to his nose before he had a chance to do it” thank you for inspiring me to do the same!
May God bless you & your beautiful perfect family today, tomorrow, and forever.
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How did you get your dyed eggs to be such deep beautiful colors?
love this post.
and, i love stanzas.
I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed and identified with your post. I am going thru a confusing time of trying to sort out my faith and what I believe as it is ever changing. Easter was hard for me. Thank you so for reminding me that here is beauty in evolving and changing faith. I so needed that.
Nice post! Love what you remember more than what you know. For some reason those memories sounded special and nice.
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I wonder how church and those memories will ever survive for children of a generation who are creating Easter (and lives) for their families without church. I have no judgement of you and your decisions… it is just something I ponder. I truly believe almost nothing as literal taught in church but I believe in the value of the truths we hear in church — we are loved by more than just our family, and that is something so important for me to instill in my children. I know church is not the only place to learn this and other truths, which is why I think church may be dying. Please know I’m not criticizing — I think your story is just the epitome of how churches are bit memories for so many. Kelle, beautiful writing. I appreciate your perspective and stories; I love hearing about your memories, both reflected and created.
Holidays make us remember. It also makes me so thankful for my mom and extended family for what they made it. No complaining, no stinken electronics to get in everybody’s way, face to face dinners enjoying the holiday. I have and still do try to make that happen with my own family. I grew up on the same songs and am thankful that they mean so much to me. Glad you had a good day. We all have to do what is good for us and family.
I have recently come across you and your family due, in no small part, to the unfortunate outpouring of dislike ( I won’t say “hate” because that’s a very strong and overused word) towards you. I had been bombarded with the religious zealot Mr Noah’s Dad and his frankly dangerous/ saccharine posts ( in apparent equal measure) all of which are uttered without a modicum of intelligent thought. Someone should throw him at the wall where he would stick like a sucker-fish. Anyway, rant over. I love your writing and photography because it is so fresh and uplifting. Your kids are gorgeous, you dress them and care for their hearts beautifully . They are a credit to you. Anyone who condemns you for doing what you do needs some specialist help. Keep the beauty coming.
The old rugged cross sung by one Mrs. Sanders.
Where you there (acapella) sung by Mary Hodges.
worthy is the lamb sung in harmony, carin singing alto.
because he lives by the barres’.
OH my and That One song sung by Darren Leavitt!!!! EVERY YEAR. EVERY SINGLE YEAR. YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR…
I see a little Lainey in Dash! So cute!
Dear Kelle, That was incredible. It was beautiful and awe-inspiring and JUST what God believes… to spread love, to BE love. Your children are beautiful, as always, and your pictures are so tender and bring tears to my eyes. Happiness and love…
This is one of my favorite posts of yours, ever!
I go to church on Easter still. My church growing up sounded just like yours. When I was at church this year it was too new and too contemporary. The kids loved it though. At the end of the day, the thing that matters the most to me is that Jesus was shared. So, I don’t worry about the setting too much. I contain the irritation. I lift my hands to Jesus. And, thankfully, I know the same God that loved me when I used Aqua Net, still loves me now. He loves me if I only go to church on Christmas and Easter. He loves me if I slip up and curse sometimes. He loves me when I have freak outs. His love never ends. When I am confused and discouraged and full of despair, He still loves me. For that I am grateful
I love your Easter pictures. I am so glad God gave you three darling babies to love and cherish. What a beautiful blessing.
Mmm.. I almost feel as relaxed and content as your words sound. What a great Easter. We do church, and I think that Easter can be a great many things to many different people. We also love the part that revolves around family and us and love. Hope you had a great weekend! Sounds like you did!
a question and hopefully not irrelevant! Love the display of photos and art on the wall behind your table. Do you mind me asking what you attach them to the wall with?? thanks!! Laurel.
“If Jesus rose from the dead, then you have to accept all that he said; if he didn’t rise from the dead, then why worry about any of what he said? The issue on which everything hangs is not whether or not you like his teaching but whether or not he rose from the dead.”
― Timothy Keller, The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism
It looks like you had a lovely Easter! Beautiful pictures!
I love this. It reminds me a lot of my “Easter, My Way” post I wrote several years ago, which incorporates the wisdom of Wallace Stevens in his poem “Sunday Morning.” If you haven’t yet read the poem, you should…(you know, in your spare time :)). It’s about finding divinity in the life around you, and recognizing that life is glorious because of it’s contrast with death (and change).
Anyway, as a non-christian who was raised in the Catholic church and is now raising conscientious, loving, kind, compassionate children without organized religion, I appreciate the struggle and the confusion…and yes, Love always wins.
Happy Easter to you and those cuties. 🙂
such a shame. I love the John Lennon too, but he won’t get you to heaven.
Are you sure about that, Tracy?
What about judging others? Will that get you to heaven?
I love your blog! I too am a PK. I grew up in a mission congregation…more of an extended family, really. I can’t say I enjoyed every part of being the daughter of a pastor or that I reached adulthood without questions. However, I’ve found that understanding God was simpler when I stopped trying to see him thru a pastor or a congregation, other people or myself. He is clearest when he speaks. I found the Bible rather intimidating at first (odd for someone supposedly immersed in “all things God”). I don’t always understand God but I love him as he is…and he reciprocates.
I remember…
Getting up early, and sneaking around with my 3 other siblings to find our hidden Easter baskets. I remember being told that I could eat a few things, before getting ready for church. I remember always feeling annoyed that we had to put aside the ‘fun’ of Easter morning to go to church, but I did what my parents told me, back in the day. We put aside our baskets and our gifts, donned our new clothes (my dad’s teacher salary supported the 6 of us growing up, so a ‘new outfit’ for each of us was a VERY big deal, something to pour over catalogs at night with Mom while we picked something that we a) liked and b)could afford), put white shoe polish on our cracked white flats from last year, and headed off to church.
This year…
I watched my 5 year old girl find the trail of jelly beans leading through the living room to her basket (the Easter bunny left it in the same exact spot as last year!!!), watched as she found each treasure with joy, then watched with admiration as she ate only a few things. After playing with her gifts for a few minutes, we once again set aside the basket to get ready for church. These days, the outfits and shoes are always new and don’t necessarily coincide with holidays, or affordability, but it’s still a heckuva big deal to me to buy my daughter her ‘Easter outfit’, because you dress up big for Easter Sunday church.
I don’t like putting aside the holiday to go to church anymore than I did when I was 7, or 10, or 15. But at the same time, I couldn’t imagine not doing it. 🙂
Happy Easter!! The pictures are adorable.
Adorable photos!! Dyed eggs, bunny ears, Bella’s sweet dress, grandpa, baby snuggles…. Man, I love Easter.
Oops I meant “Nella’! Curse you autocorrect ;-D
Sounds like you had a wonderful Easter but I can’t help but wonder, what is the worth of that day without the truth of the risen Christ. So many parents are doing their kids a disservice by leaving Him out of the day. In the end, all the eggs and bunnies will not give us peace but the assurance of God’s love for us and our children and grandchildren will soothe in times of trouble and give MORE joy in times of good things. I am so sorry you had a bad experience growing up but you can make that experience so much better for your kids by finding a great Bible believing church! Good luck on your journey!
just beautiful, kelle.
so much love
Kelle….
I am so very behind in reading/commenting on this Blog!! It is ridiculous!! So I guess I will just read/comment on this post…. 😉
“Our Easter cake…we massacre a good cake.” Crack. Me. Up!! ;-D
I love, love, love your pictures!! Every. Single. One!! 😉
Love you later, Raelyn
Beautiful pictures, as always. Loved reading your post in stanzas. I think we all have very distinct memories of our childhood Easters. I have to echo Sarah’s thoughts about families creating lives without church and how that will impact our children. From what I have read in your book and on your blog about your religious upbringing, I have to say that I think it downright sucks. It sucks that you were left with so much uncertainty and fear because of things your were taught about religion as a kid. It wasn’t fair to you, but I also think it’s not fair that you are depriving your children of church now because of that. This is your chance to do it differently, but differently doesn’t necessarily mean no church at all. Why celebrate Easter at all if it’s not about Jesus? The bunny ears and chocolate make for cute pictures but I felt like something was missing looking at them. There is something so special and humbling about the formality of Easter Sunday and what it really means.
Anywho, sorry for the long comment. No judgement here, just food for thought.
I’m sorry that you receive judgmental comments when you freely open up and share your life with us – strangers whom you owe nothing at all to. Thank you for sharing. And as for why non-Christians or questioning once-believers celebrate Easter if its not about Jesus? A myriad of wonderful reasons: to celebrate our family and our friends, to make memories for our children centered in a magic that exists in childhood, to celebrate spring and the promise of new life which spring delivers, for a dedicated opportunity to gather together and share a meal. Chocolate bunnies and colored eggs have never been rooted in Jesus and the resurrection! We can all share and participate in that, surely!
Julia I think you are missing my point. I, too, am thankful that kelle opens up her life to us on her blog and that’s why I have been reading for years. I can respectfully share my perspective (based merely on what I read). I don’t think kelle expects all her readers to agree with everything she posts.
Religion is a personal choice. I can’t believe some of you preaching to Kelle about what you perceive is missing from her life or how she should be raising her children. It’s judgmental people like you ramming your beliefs onto others that make religion so distasteful to some. Live and let live people!
Kelle shares her life in a very public way with us, and so it’s reasonable that some people would like to reciprocate and share a part of their lives with her. Not everyone is going to agree fully with Kelle’s views, but that’s ok. A blog is not an advertisement for a life to model yourself after. Kelle has her own opinion of how best to live her life, and everyone else has their own unique perspective as well, nobody’s more important than anyone other’s, except to themselves.
The same people who accuse people of judging Kelle, or forcing religion on others, are judging others themselves when making blanket statements about the types of people who make up a religion, etc. I think everyone here is an individual, and nobody more important than the next, and therefore everyone should feel free to live, and think, and speak their feelings and beliefs.
Where is the door to God?
In the sound of a barking dog.
In the ring of a hammer.
In a drop of rain.
In the face of everyone I see.
– Hafiz
When the origins of Easter are so easy to fact check as non-Christian, why are Christians upset when someone decides to just do the eggs and rabbits? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
those origami animals (or mammals and crustaceans, should I say?)! I would love to learn how to make them. So cute!
Beautiful post. Thank you.
This is lovely, Kelle. Somehow I missed the poem and post last year. Thanks for the reminder to look again.