Well, we’re officially past the halfway point on our trip.
We’ve eaten spicy goat meat, finally nailed the pronunciation of the Rwandan greeting “amakuru”, spent an afternoon in a beautiful village where artisans taught us how to wash clothes and sort beans and designed accessories alongside new friends. I’ve fallen in love with an African coffee drink made from espresso, cocoa and spicy ginger, and “Next time I’m in Rwanda” has officially been added to things I say.
As a rookie international traveler, I felt an overwhelming sense of “just listen” preparing for this trip. Be kind and listen–take in, learn and say as little as possible because you hardly know anything. I believe in people and the power of stories and the way that connecting these two together can make good things happen, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid that I might not express this experience and these stories as respectfully and beautifully as they deserve to be told. I’m far from an expert on any of the themes of this trip—African culture, Rwanda’s past, poverty, justice, empowerment, economic sustainability—and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said or written something and looked back to think, “Shit, wait. That didn’t come out right.” Given these two facts, I’m not a great candidate for a story-telling trip to Africa to draw attention to the important issues of women empowerment, justice and economic sustainability.
Photo credit: Paige Knudsen
Thankfully, Noonday doesn’t believe the lie so many of us tell ourselves—that in order to lend our voice to a cause or make an intention or believe that we can have anything to do with positive change, we have to be experts and can never make mistakes. And in order to help the vulnerable, we have to be plain and simple–definitely not women who care about shoes or highlights or the right nail polish color.
Photo credit: Paige Knudsen
Here’s my mantra on this trip: I believe I can make good things happen.
My first tendency is to write that sentence as “I believe I can be involved in making good things happen” or “I believe I can help others make good things happen” or “I believe I can try to make good things happen” because—you know—humility. But after spending only four days listening to these phenomenal against-all-odds stories of women who made intentions and believed in them and showed up to make things happen, I realize how dangerous dream disclaimers are and how important it is to make powerful intentions, to believe in those intentions and to take actions to make them happen.
Yesterday, we had lunch with Jamie, a 14-year-old IJM client who believed her future was hopeless when IJM took on her case two years ago. At the time, Jamie was in the hospital recovering from a burn trauma that forced doctors to amputate her legs below her knees. With no family to care for her, Jamie believed she would never walk again, that she would never go to school and that no one would ever love her or take care of her. Brigette, one of IJM’s after care therapists who worked with Jamie, admits she had absolutely no idea how they’d find a place for Jamie to live or find a way for her to walk again, “I knew it would be nearly impossible, but—” she says, “I told her, ‘You will walk again. You will go to school again.’” Brigette believed she could make good things happen.
IJM prosecuted the perpetrators who victimized Jamie, found a rehabilitation center to care for her, partnered with donors to cover the cost of prosthetics and paid for her to attend a special school for students with disabilities where she’s currently living. And yesterday, we walked with Jamie. We listened as she told us about her dreams of becoming an orthopedic doctor so she can help other children like her. Jamie believes she can make good things happen.
If doubts of success or the reality of not having the resources or fear of making promises that couldn’t be met kept IJM’s case workers from fighting for Jamie, she wouldn’t be walking today.
So many women this week have admitted that they’ve had doubts and fears about their dreams as they made them. Artisans didn’t believe they’d ever find a job, IJM victims didn’t think anyone would want to help them, IJM staff didn’t know if they’d be able to find resources, Noonday wasn’t sure if they’d be able to build a company that could sustain artisans with business and writers questioned if anyone would ever want to read what they had to say.
Mama Ariel sewed this outfit herself with a sewing machine she was recently able to purchase for her home now that she has a job. She was so excited to take us to her bedroom to show us her sewing machine.
Baraka, another IJM Rwanda therapist, admitted yesterday that when IJM Rwanda began developing an after care plan for helping victims of sexual assault, there was so much they didn’t know. “It was new. We were learning as we practiced.”
I grabbed a pen and scribbled it in my notebook: It was new. We were learning as we practiced.
Great things happen when we stop believing that we have to know everything before we make an intention and just start practicing. When we let go of:
I can’t because it’s not possible…
I can’t because I have no experience…
I can’t because it’s an arrogant goal…
I can’t because I don’t know what I’m doing…
I can’t because people will think…
I can’t because it’s never been done before…
I can’t because I don’t have the resources…
I believe I can make good things happen. Period.
There are so many intentions in my own life that I’ve been putting off because I think I need to be an expert first or have everything figured out—ways to be a better advocate for special needs, ways to discover and deepen my faith, ways to connect with and empower other women, ways to fix some things that are broken, ways to use my voice and actions. Good things don’t happen for those who wait–they happen for those who start working.
The good work I’ve seen happening in this country this week has given me much to think about. There are so many brave women—in every culture and with multiple challenges—who are making good things happen and are learning as they practice.
Photo Credit: Paige Knudsen
I’m still not an expert on justice or economic sustainability or women empowerment, but I do know enough to know it’s something I want to support. I’ve begun by signing our family up to be freedom partners for IJM—to commit to a small monthly donation to support the incredible work they are doing because I believe it’s important. I’ve seen it in action.
Please take a moment to check it out—put your doubts and fears and disclaimers aside.
I believe I can make good things happen. And I’m so thankful for the stories of the incredible strong women I’ve met on this trip who believe this too—who believe it so much, they’re living it every day.
It seems that you’re treating your time in this place very seriously, and engaging it’s people with respect and humility.
Thank you for not turning your trip into a series of Instagram posts; it would have undermined the entire importance of what you’re doing there.
I have gained respect for you by watching you grow through this.
We can already feel how this trip has impacted you. I’m curious how it might affect your mothering of Lainey, Nella and Dash. Will you have a different prospective on what is important in their lives…e.g. material things…since living among such a different culture? This trip will be life changing, I’m sure!
*to clarify….I know you’ve posted some on IG since you’ve been there, but the posts have reflected that you’re gaining something deep from this experience. 🙂
I love to hear your perspective on your trip. It’s inspiring!
Kelle,
This is a beautiful perspective when it comes to wanting to help others, but feeling overwhelmed, under-qualified and not knowing where to start. Love this:
“Great things happen when we stop believing that we have to know everything before we make an intention and just start practicing.” Just start. Just jump. Thank you for the encouraging message this morning. I hope you and your group continue to be blessed by the beautiful stories around you. Safe travels.
<3
Thank you for sharing these insights. I have found myself putting limits on my dreams the past few weeks because they HAVE seemed impossible, and I have wondered “what will people think,” “How will I realistically do this,” etc. Reading this was an answer to prayer as it helped me realize the power of faith and action combined.
Kelle, I’m just so happy that you’re highlighting the amazing work IJM does.
I hope the rest of your time there is just as good and fruitful as the first half has been for you 🙂
So beautifully written, Kelle. Love the reminder that the most important aspect of our dreams is to just take that first step & “start practicing.” And love your transparency. You keep it real. Your words and photos allow us a peek into the lives of the Rwandan women + let us adventure vicariously on your trip! Please give those Umucyo ladies a big hug for us back here in the States.
I hear what you are saying. At the same time, I think it is important to, perhaps when you get back, do some research on Rwanda, on the genocide, on international development and the like. You have been lucky enough to have been taken and guided in the country; I think it would be important to learn all that you can. “I don’t have to know things to be able to help,” is okay for now but I think it would be awesome to get background and understanding of international development through your blog.
I look forward to reading your more indepth analysis. And I admit, I was concerned that you’d be posting photo after photo after photo – you have shown some restraint, so kudos. Finally, you speak of ‘faith.’ Would you call yourself a Christian again? Being in an intense situation with intense experiences can often feel really spiritual and mountaintop. I trust you aren’t forgetting that the faith of the women on the trip is a faith that says living a gay life is wrong. Also that the Bible is literal and a host of other things. I myself love the emotion of the mountaintop but they aren’t necessarily reality.
– Karen
Beautifully expressed! Thanks for sharing from your heart. So true how we all have self doubt and feel less than capable in many areas. Women are so hard on themselves and often too critical of each other as well. God bless you for being willing to make a difference!
Yes yes yes. So many happy and inspired tears have been cried at this desk where I read your blog! I have a book inside of me that is risky and amazing and terrifying and lovely and I believe I can make good things happen in the lives of other people if I can just write it!
Thank you for putting words to feelings I didn’t know I had.
Thank you for spreading awareness and empowerment through this amazing project with IJM!
Thank you for your courage and vulnerability on this blog!
Lovely post, Kelly. Your honesty is something I enjoy so much. Also your courage to speak from the heart! For a rookie international traveler, you are handling a new culture beautifully. I’ve enjoyed learning about noonday collective and your mission in Rwanda from your posts. Yes, we must ditch all of our “dream disclaimers.” I love that! Thank you.
So glAd that you are on this trip. We can learn from what you see and experience.
I still don’t understand why you are being judged. To insure don’t deserve that at all. Those judging should do something positive instead.
Hugs and safe travels to you all.
I’m in. Good work here. I want to do more with you.
I love this post Kelle!
xxx
Kelle I have loved reading your posts, I’m proudly an African myself and flip it brings tears to my eyes to see people pour the love you have into my nation!! We are celebrating Nelson Mandela day today where they encourage everyone to give 67mins of their day to a cause, I hadn’t planned anything for myself and my office and this challenged me big time that no matter how small a contribution I make its still a contribution, to get my butt into gear, to get more involved. I worked in a school for street kids in India for two months when I was 18 and those two months were the most reqwarding of my life just loving those little ones and I want that again. Thank you for all that you said, about not being insecure about what I can do to effect change!!
Yay enjoy the rest of your time there!!
Last year on my first trip to Romania, after long days spent in a little village that was hot and dusty and so very very poor, I found myself saying “the next time I’m in Romania…” I came home after eating healthy food, breathing clean air and spending time walking for miles each day, missing the simple routines we had established. The first day back of driving, being assaulted with signs and billboards and all the stuff that is our life here at home, I was ready for another vacation there.
Kelle,
It hurts to see people judge you as you share this incredible experience. You are awesome… a wonderful mom who makes life fun for her children, and in turn brings joy to so many! More than 60 years ago my dad told me that those who make unkind comments were just jealous. I did not understand then, but now I realize there are some people who will never truly celebrate the success of others. This opportunity is so well deserved. Your heart is so well matched to all of those women you are meeting daily. May your precious memories sustain you as you continue to live your one beautiful life. With love and gratitude for you, Gretchen in Oregon
Have you ever listened to the song by Matthew West, Do Something? I’ve been engaged in the posts you and others on the trip have done, and this song comes to mind, particularly with your post. I’m a teacher to 5th graders and I’m thinking this song will be a focus area for us this upcoming school year.
Hi Kelle~ I have been a long time follower, but I don’t think I’ve ever commented. This post had me in tears. Thank you for sacrificing a piece of your summer away from your babies to raise awareness for Rwanda. Thank you for inspiring me, a fellow mother of three, to look for ways to serve others and encourage my children to do the same. My prayers are with you and all the ladies on this trip. God bless!
I totally recommend the book Left To Tell about a young Rwandan woman’s experience of surviving the genocide and moving to forgiveness. It is beautiful!
http://www.amazon.com/Left-Tell-Discovering-Rwandan-Holocaust/dp/1401908977
I was surprised to see emily from jonesdesigncompany was on the same trip as you…I read both your blogs…what a small world!
I took my first international trip to Bolivia with Habitat for Humanity when I was 26 and ended up marrying our tour guide! We’ve been married 12 years now and have four children. Besides that crazy story, it was such an eye-opening experience to see how others live in the world and what is really important in life. I’m glad you got to go on this trip and are sharing it with us!
I’m curious/concerned – was one of the pictures of you and the team smiling so brightly – was that taken at a Rwandan genocide memorial? I’d read that it was but I can’t imagine that that is true. Can you clear this up?
It is so amazing to be able to share your experiences over in Rwanda with the rest of us. I’ve gotta say, this post is very humbling. Reading these amazing stories of strength and courage has reminded me that yes, I believe i can make good things happen too.
I think we get so wrapped up in our busy lives that we forget about these real issues that are affecting women in other parts of the world. Thank you for sharing this inspiring post. It has reminded me to take a step back and appreciate the little things in life.