I shared a counting video of Nella on Instagram yesterday and admitted that “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some worries and long-buried fears creeping up in regards to public inclusive education and how a bigger, less-controlled-by-her-mama world treats her. But I’m also ready for new challenges. We go into this Joan of Arc style. We are not afraid…we were born to do this.”
A comment: “JFC. Why is it always about how YOU feel? Whenever you discuss Nella and her diagnosis, it’s always about how YOU feel about the challenges; not her. It says a lot.”
I don’t usually respond to troll comments, but this topic! Such a fiery one for me because hearing how other people feel is SOUL FOOD for me—it’s why I love memoirs so much. That brings me to another comment that cracked me up, shortly after I wrote Bloom. “This memoir was all about you. I wanted to read more about Nella.” Which made me think one of two things happened. Either the reader stumbled into the MEMOIR section by accident and didn’t realize it or the baby feet on the cover fooled her, and she thought it was actually a memoir written BY A BABY. And, let’s be honest, I’d have totally bought that book too.
My goodness, I wish Nella could write about her feelings! Or even talk about them more in a way that could help me truly understand what goes on in her sweet little brain. When she’s older and understands her challenges more, wouldn’t that be great if she talked or wrote about how she felt about them? I look forward to that. Until that time, through that time, and—well, ‘til my dying breath—when I talk about feelings, it’s quite likely I’ll be talking about the feelings I can best express—my own.
Social media is swelling with cute baby photos, first steps videos and stories about kids galore, and I love them. I tap ‘em, like ‘em, thumbs up ‘em, share my own and hope they keep coming because babies and kids make me happy. But you know what I tap, like and thumbs up even more? Moms sharing their feelings about motherhood, an important and separate journey from the child’s. Please, dear God, don’t ever let moms stop talking about how THEY feel because, aside from the fact that our babies’ feelings are precious and important and great guides for our actions, moms relate best to the feelings of other moms, believe it or not. Let the moms raising kids with any needs—from fingernails that need to be clipped to the most demanding and heart-wrenching—know that their child’s journey and feelings are sacred, but so are their own.
Let us continue to ask one of the most valuing questions we can ever ask a friend, a loved one, a mother on her journey, especially a journey that involves the challenges and sometimes loneliness that special needs can bring….HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL? Did you lie in bed and cry at night when no one was looking? Did you feel guilty for those feelings? Did your stomach do those flip-flops that made you want to throw up? Were you scared? Was it the happiest you’ve ever felt? Were you lonely? Were you excited? Did you have someone to share it with? TELL ME MORE. And when we talk about it—the good, the bad, the scary, the beautiful—we can share and understand those feelings better. Which makes us better moms, I’m sure of it.
The one thing on which we can agree: raising kids, loving babies, watching our hearts beating out there in the world? The most intense feelings we’ll ever have.
So, dear reader, when I discuss Nella and her diagnosis, I often talk about my feelings. Because our feelings are a gift, and I’m sharing mine with you. Happy Early Valentine’s Day.
Yes. Yes. Yes. You go girl! As always, you defend yourself and your girl with style and class! Bravo!
Beautiful.
I have been reading your blog for a very long time and your amazing gift of writing and expressing your feelings in such a vulnerable, genuine, and intense way has spoken to my heart more times than I can count. I am in awe of your gift and love to hear the journey of other mothers. It is freeing and healing to me. I often read your posts to my husband on the couch at night after the kids are sound asleep and he appreciates it just as much as I do. Thank you for sharing your gifts with me. With all of us.
Love! Keep your feelings coming mama! I feel right along with ya!
Amen, sister, and preach on! Love, love, love this one.
Preach it.
Kelle I have been reading you for a long time now. You are a kind and sensitive person. Anyone can tell from your writing how much you love and care for your children, and that SAYS a lot about you.
Best response to a troll comment that I’ve seen in a long time 🙂
Oh my goodness. I have gotten out of the habit of reading your blog posts lately. Life has been so crazy hectic. I am glad that I chose to read today’s post! Anybody that ever complains about something as ludicrous as someone expressing their feelings is being unreasonable and frankly, a jerk. I have missed reading your blog so much because you DO express how you feel. You are spot on! As mother’s we WANT to hear how other mother’s feel…about anything! You keep motoring on young lady!
I know that I read your blog to hear your story, to hear about your experiences with your wonderful children, to hear how you feel………. Xxxxxx
just love you and your words <3
My dad is a minister, and he recently told me that he always double-checked his sermons that included anecdotes about us to be extra sure that he “was the punchline of every joke” rather than his kids. When we tell the stories of our lives, they necessarily include our children – but our job, for all kinds of reasons, is to keep ourselves as the protagonists and to try our best to raise our little supporting characters to be able write their own versions some day. I love that you shared this – and that you share so much with us. Thanks.
You handled this comment like a champ. I’m not so sure, as a mom of a kid with special needs, if I’d been that gracious! Karen
Thank you for this. I have a daughter, a little less than a year younger than your Nella, with the blessed extra chromosome. Your blog/book has been a balm for my soul. Please keep sharing YOUR feelings! It’s therapeutic knowing I’m not alone.
I never comment. But YES…to everything here! Good for you mama! You (and Nella) are an inspiration!
Wow. The trolls can be very ugly. And I have to admit, I had to ask my teen what JFC meant. Which made me FEEL incredibly angry towards those who have a sharp pen when they can hide behind the interwebs. And I also FELT elated that you addressed both the comment, and the story behind it. Seriously folks, if you can’t say/write something nice, then STFU.
lol I was thinking I needed to look up JFC on urban dictionary. I’m old 🙂
Beth and Robin….
I just looked up “JFC”. And I am thirty-two years old!! I’m just sayin’…. 😉
Love you later, Raelyn
That’s one of the reason’s I follow you! I love how well you articulate your feelings…I wish I could write like that! It’s always nice to know other moms are thinking and feeling the same things. People are always too quick in pointing out the negatives…i’ll never get that!
keep doing you!
The feedback you received on *your* Instagram post about *your* daughter, written by you and from your perspective, that it’s “about you” kills me. Of course it’s about you! You wrote it and it is absolutely your perspective on motherhood, which is why I keep reading your IG and blog. I want to read and see your perspective, compare it to mine, feel normal, feel inspired, feel ok. To connect. I, too, worry about education milestones and am glad that you are sharing your fears. So as always, Kelle, keep on keeping on. xo
Love this!
Kelle, you are amazing! Fantastic mom moment here. Standing up for family AND yourself is one of the most amazing gifts you can give your children.
Bravo!!!
After my (almost) four year old daughter was diagnosed with DS at five days old, A friend sent me a link to your blog.
I read Nella’s birth story and then I wept for about four hours. Over the next six months there were times when I felt as though you were the only other person in the world who understood what I was going through. Your openness and honesty made me feel like you were the friend I needed, when none of my own knew what to say. You’re two years further down the road than I am; please don’t ever stop telling me what you feel, you make this frightening diagnosis less scary for those of us who are going through it behind you.
Love and gratitude from London x
Well said!!!!! We need to listen.and support each other as mothers!!! This was beautiful!!!!
I’m so glad you share your feelings. I am a new momma and have appreciated how well you can identify your feelings. I’m a grateful reader who has loved reading your blog and I definitely appreciate your sharing of thoughts, feelings, good/bad/ugly. We all need more reminders to share our feelings!
Kelle–
I’m thankful you took the time to respond to that comment—whether or not the person who wrote it sees it! I’ve now read heart-felt words that just make sense! Solidarity with moms. And feelings. And special needs. And not. Goodjob!
A to the men! As we’ve just hit year 5 of living and dealing with special needs I have so many people who have asked along the way, “aren’t you over it yet?” A resounding NO because “Its” not over. And as long as I am alive and my daughter is alive, it won’t be. Mama’s don’t EVER stop feeling. And don’t EVER stop sharing those feelings. Kudos to you, Kelle, and thank you for always sharing!
People really ask “aren’t you over it yet?” OMG. In what context? if you talk about special needs? Wow! People can be really mean. Why would u be over it? Anyway, hugs to you mama! We hear you. I don’t have a special needs kid, but a very dear friend of mine has a kid with autism.
I love this! Of course our feelings as mamas matter. I carry so much of my son’s special needs in my heart it’s hard not to talk about my feelings when talking about his diagnosis.
WELL SAID… haters will always hate! You.are.such.an.inspiration!
Preach Momma Preach…
I was sad when I found out that my daughter had Ds and really fucking scared. I cried so hard. Harder then when my own Mom passed. I was uneducated about Down syndrome but even if I did have some knowledge about Ds, I still would have felt those same feelings. I don’t regret those feelings and worries because I needed to go through that in order to get where I am today.
We live in a society where we are so quick to judge. It’s easy to assume something about someone because of a picture they choose to share or a story they chose to write but that’s like .000001% of their whole life. We don’t see the shit show or behind the scenes and to be honest, I’m cool with that because I know that it exists for everyone.
That comment or the comments you get from people who follow don’t mean shit. It’s like when someone gives you the finger while driving. WE WOULD NEVER do that face to face. The person who commented would never, ever say that to you. We hide behind screens or cars because when we have a shield of our own, it’s easier to be a prized turd.
Now go on and treat yo’ self to some more charms for that sweet ass necklace you bought.
I love to read about your feelings. You are an amazing writer & mommy!
YIKES.
Why do so many ppl feel the need to say unkind things. Why can’t ppl just say nice things or shut the he!! up?!
I don’t always agree with your feelings but I’m very grateful you share them with us.
Keep doing what you do. We love YOU and YOUR feelings.
Very eloquent response! Apparently the trolls missed the fact that as a mother you FEEL these things because you love your daughter. You may have fears about your child being accepted but you wouldn’t fear that if her feelings didn’t matter to you!
I love the part about a memoir written by a baby….. Wouldn’t that be nice! 🙂
As a mom of a special needs child I understand how you feel. It’s your blog so why wouldn’t it be about how you feel. Why people feel the need to criticize you, I don’t get it. I love reading your posts.
I’ve always appreciated how your feelings of LOVE and CONCERN for all of your children have come through loud and clear in your posts that focus on them. How your feelings for your kids create an inspiring, open, accepting and safe foundational environment for them.
Such tender topics you bring into light, and it wouldn’t~~couldn’t~~be complete if you didn’t bring with them your own humanity. This blesses us all.
Thank you for ALL of it.
Um….did I miss something? This has always been a blog about your feelings…that’s the draw….right? So confusing to me that people who make negative comments often want the blogger to change what they are doing, as if they are qualified to do so, and as if they have a say! Sounds like entitlement to me…..
Ummmmmm, isn’t a blog post supposed to be about how the writer feels? You are mature enough not to assume everything your children feel, as well as mature enough to voice your own feelings effectively. I don’t understand the criticism.
Hearing you voice how you feel sometimes gives me reason to keep going. I exaggerate a little but I have a little girl with DS 4 months behind Nella and it helps me more than you will ever know to know that I am not alone, to know my feelings are shared by others, to know there is a bright future, to know you are making a difference! Bravo and please keep telling us how you feel because it is how I feel too only you say it so much better!!! And to know I am not alone in this is more reassuring than you will ever ever know!
BEAUTIFUL! If I didn’t care about your feelings I wouldn’t follow you at all but isn’t that exactly why we’re here? Thank you for being so active about choosing not to speak on behalf of any of your children. You can’t share her feelings. That is their story to tell. Thank you for not selling out your children for the sake of a few extra inquisitive minds. Bless you for this.
I think talking about your feelings is fine but I have to disagree with the whole culture of sharing pictures of your kids to the world (I mean anyone, not you personally). I want my kids to make their own first impression on people, to create their own story – not me deciding to show/tell/paint them in a certain light. There are special things that happen every day in my house but they’re special because they’re between US, not random strangers. I just don’t get it.
A – freaking – men.
When you share your feelings, it reminds me to share mine too. You remind me to write it down, record through type and pictures, and remember to look at the other side of things. Your blog started with the little things and then all these big things came along to be shared as well. Thank you for giving us both!
I’ve been a Kelle Hampton fan since Nella. What drew me to your blog was the honesty–and you’re still holding strong!
Amen, sister! Moms need validation. We are people, too! Love hearing your thoughts!
The impact of you blog as well of as Bloom is that you voice things that we as mothers are often afraid to admit feeling. Reading your feelings and fears have made me and I imagine many many others feel less alone, less afraid. I would love to hear Nella tell her story someday but please keep telling your story.
Keep on sharing those feelings because if we can’t share our Mama feelings with others, then what’s the point??? We need to listen, lift up, pray for and show up for other Mamas…it’s a tough job all around..special needs or not!! Thank you for the gift of your words!!
As a pediatric OT, I love reading your blog. It gives me additional insight to what might be the feelings of the parents who bravely allow me to work with their amazing child. Yes, my main focus is the child and facilitating that child to be the best they can be, but I am just a drop in the bucket. That family (parents, siblings, grandparent) are the main water-source and nourishment. Every good therapist, teacher, doctor, nurse,, etc knows that you don’t just work with a child, you work with the WHOLE family.
Thank you for sharing yourself, your emotions, and your thoughts. It takes courage to put yourself out there. We are all better and more compassionate because of it.
YOU ARE A FLIPPIN’ ROCKSTAR! Thank you for honoring your feelings, and your baby’s feelings!
Thank you for sharing your feelings! I’m on the same journey as you, about a year behind you. Just being a mom brings lots of different emotions and feelings to your life, but a special needs journey brings a few extra emotions and feelings. It helps to know others are feeling and having those same dreams, doubts, and fears about that same journey. Please do not stop sharing your story because a few in this world don’t get it. They should stop reading your blog if it bothers them so much. I too wish my daughter could share her feelings and thoughts with me. Again thank you for sharing Nella and your life with us.
P. R. E. A. C. H. ????????
I don’t understand that person’s comment. This is your blog, your IG, why wouldn’t you be writing about how you feel? A six year old with typical development wouldn’t even know enough to know how they feel about something they’ve never experienced, how could it be expected that Nella would knie, understand and be able to verbally express that? The person who wrote that doesn’t sound like they have children or any experience with them. I know it’s probably difficult to ignore people like that but your response was very graceful.
Thank you for telling us how *you* feel. Great blog.
So well said. You are amazing. I discovered your blog via a long winding google search when I was thirteen weeks pregnant and had just been given a Down Syndrome diagnosis for my daughter. I didn’t know anyone with DS and couldn’t even think of a friend of a friend of a friend or anyone in my web that even had a relative (so I thought). Your blog showed me that it was all going to be ok. I started at the very first post of Nella’s story and read straight through. I think she about 16 months (and super cute!) at the time. The feelings you wrote about in the beginning were what I was feeling at that time and then peeking ahead 16 months down the road, I found a lot of comfort in your words and updates on Nella. Keep doing what you are doing. People need it!
Your book was so beautiful and so is your blog/writing. It’s too bad people write mean, negative comments. It must be frustrating to see them. I feel sorry for JFC and her negative thoughts. I love seeing your view and reading about someone else for a while. (I was told my son was down syndrome during my second trimester ultrasound. We prepared as much as one can. And when he was born, he was not down syndrome. I see from YOUR view that it would have been wonderful all the same. And even if that didn’t happen, i would still be so interested in your book and blog). Your writing is so refreshing, honest, uplifting and interesting. Keep Writing. You can’t please everyone. I think Nella is just fascinating and so lovely, just like her brother and sister. You two are wonderful parents. LOVED the book, LOVE the blog.
You are the bomb.com. ????????. I agree, we need to ask more questions of people. Being a momma to a special needs child, I wish someone would ask…what are you feeling?
Thanks for sharing this. I will be asking more questions like this.
Don’t ever stop telling us how you feel. Because, for each time you tell us there are countless others who can’t find the words to share, and they know that they are not the only one.
It’s your honesty that drew me first to your blog, and it’s your transparency that keeps me coming back…that, and the true joy of your kids!
Don’t you DARE stop sharing your feelings. I think we’d ALL love to hear Bella’s thoughts and feelings, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found encouragement, solace or just a plain “omg me too” moments when you express your feelings. We are a human family and NEED to know we aren’t the only ones who feel something or worry we’re defective because we dropped the proverbial ball. So keep on keeping on Kellie girl!
Don’t you DARE stop sharing your feelings. I think we’d ALL love to hear Nella’s thoughts and feelings, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found encouragement, solace or just a plain “omg me too” moments when you express your feelings. We are a human family and NEED to know we aren’t the only ones who feel something or worry we’re defective because we dropped the proverbial ball. So keep on keeping on Kellie girl!
I read Bloom ad have been reading your blog faithfully for a long time. I have three beautiful children, ages 25, 22, and 19. Parenting isn’t any easier at these ages than it was when they were the ages of your children. It’s different, but not easier. And the way I got through, and get through the challenges of being the best momma I know how to be? Sharing my feelings with, and hearing about the feelings of, other mommas. We’re all in this together and sharing is what we do. Thank you for always sharing your beautiful insight Kelle!
I have been reading your blog since stumbling upon (and sobbing through) Nella’s birth story, even though my 2 daughters are now in their 20’s. You have a gift. Reading your blog makes me wish I could have a do-over of my girls’ childhood. Keep on doing what you do – sharing your beautiful writing and making beautiful childhood memories for your children!
How would it be possible to really talk about someone else’s feelings? If I go to your blog should I be surprised to get your perspective? People are strange beings.
You, in no way, have to justify what you share. You are an amazing mommy who inspires thousands of other moms on a daily basis. I loved the video of Nella counting. I especially loved your voice at the end cheering her on. Keep it up!
Perfect.
I have been reading everything you have written since my daughter showed me Nella’s birth story. You had me hooked. I love that you feel free to tell us how you feel. Ignore the trolls
YES. 🙂 Thank you for being so open with your feelings– the good, the raw, and the hard.
I love your response! I’m not even a mom, or married, for that matter, but I’ve been a reader of your blog for years. I love hearing about your feelings. You talk about your kids plenty, so I don’t know what these people want from you. You do you, and I’ll continue to enjoy your posts along with the rest of your readers <3
Yes! I blog about my sons too, one of whom is on the Autism Spectrum. He is 8 years old and talks like a typical child but has trouble communicating (if that makes sense). However, on my blog, I write about my feelings and experiences 95% of the time because, well, I’m telling my story as his mother, not his story as my son. There are some things I don’t blog about because they are not my story to tell–they are his. I hope that, as he grows older, he will learn to communicate his feelings and experiences in a way that connects with others so he can tell his own story in his own words. That is his right.
I don’t think I’ve ever left a comment on a blog. This topic and sparked a fire in me as a new mom of a nine month old with Down syndrome. I was given your book very early in my journey and I haven’t made it past the first 32 pages because I could have written every word myself. I am on a very similar journey. I have followed your story, smiled at your beautiful family, thought of my own precious girl while reading about yours and I appreciate all your feelings and your willingness to share them. I couldn’t agree more that we all benefit when we share our stories of motherhood and are honest about how we feel in any given situation. This is your platform. It’s your space to share, to create something that is uniquely you. Wonderful response. Thank you for sharing your family. While we have never met, because of your willingness to share your feelings about a very similar journey, I feel we are friends. I’m grateful for that.
I just love and adore you ♡
That comment hits a sore spot in my own heart. I know it’s probably just a troll and I should ignore the feelings it stirs up…but ouch. How much I wish my little girl could express her feelings. I’m sure you feel the same. How awful to imply that it’s any other way. Until then, just like you said, I will continue to share my own feelings and perspective and pray that other moms will always do the same. We need each other!
I have so many responses running through my head, but I’ll control myself because a lot of them aren’t nice.
The main thing I would say is that mothers-whether or not they parent a special needs child- are isolated. Throw into that isolation a special needs child and I’ll show you way too many mommas that are feeling like they are on their own deserted island.
When you share your true feelings, it brings people together, it brings hope, it brings change and it brings freedom. There is such power in knowledge.
You don’t spend your blog time boo-hooing about Nella’s differences. In fact, it’s few and far between that we hear a fear or anxious thought bubble up. You do share your feelings, experiences and life with a lot of grace and beautiful words. Again. It brings change, freedom, hope and community.
When Nella gets to an age and says she wants a blog, I’m sure you will empower her to do so. Until then, tell JFC -oh, never mind. Just keep being you.
xo
lynn
Kelle, you are amazing. Thank you for telling us how you feel because few can express themselves as eloquently as you do.
On. Point.
I couldn’t agree and love this any more than I currently do! You are my fave Kelle Hampton!
Love this. completely agree with you. a whole generation (us) was raised to think that our feelings aren’t important. and look what good its done us, repression, abuse, disordered thinking, etc. Keep it up!
You are such a gift to us all. Keep on keeping on Kelle, your thoughts and feelings are what help inspire me, and many women, to be better mamas. I am sorry people can be so ugly, but you my friend handled that negativity with such grace. Bravo! ????????????????
Yikes, I read your posts, your blogs , your book, because I want to know what you think! and everything else you said… <3
Well said! Good for you. Thanks for putting this out there
Two things resonated from this blog post! First, the hope that Nella will be able to express her feelings and mothers being able to share their not so perfect “baby” thoughts.
I watched a series “Born This Way” about a group of incredible young adults born with Down Syndrome. It was refreshing to see their honest views and that of their parents. Some of the young adults did not want to use the word Down Syndrome and others embraced it and did not want them to be limited by this diagnosis.
I am an adoptive mom and had many friends and family tell me how easy I had it as my daughter came home at 13 months. My adoptive friends however knew of the struggles that were creeping into my head at night…bonding, attachment, unknown medical history, feeling like a babysitter not a mom (early days). My daughter is perfect in every way and I would not change a thing.
Maybe the comment – well expressed or not – was intended to relay a lack of more detailed sharing about/focus on Nella and how/what she is doing. Having a young toddler with Down syndrome (and taking an aggressive, outside the box approach to his rearing), I can somewhat relate. I landed here looking for blogs about raising a child with Down syndrome – the good, the bad, etc. This blog is not about that. You may have even said that once. Totally fine. But realize you likely attract parents of little ones possibly expecting something different.
Oh Kelle… I adore you! Your feelings… and incredible ability to communicate them so beautifully… is exactly what brings me here. I started this DS journey ahead of you, but through your writing, you showed me a whole new way of seeing the world.
Big love,
Kate
I love your blog, the reallness, the feels, the holiday spirit, the imperfections. If you can’t share your own feelings just whose are you supposed to share?
Kelle….
Well done!! There were so many good and amazing points in this Blog post!! Where to even begin?! 🙂
I’ve been thinking a lot about thoughts/feelings/emotions lately, whether they be postitve, negative or in between…. Ever since I saw “Inside Out”!! I needed to read this!! 🙂
Love you later, Raelyn
I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now, and this is the first time I’ve ever commented. I just wanted to say kudos to you for taking what must have been an emotion filled comment and turning it around to something positive and inspiring. Not at all surprising coming from you, but kudos just the same. You continue to remind me to be better than I am, and that’s why I keep coming back to read about your journey. Thank you.
Excellent! I’m happy you tell us your feelings!
I’ve loved reading your blog for that reason alone!
I’ve only commented once before (on Dash and his rake at Halloween – still laugh when I see him in my head, with you hot on his heels!)
Just a comment to say “Yep, please keep talking. Keep sharing. Keep being a mum. Tell us about the love, the sadness, the happiness, the anger, the pride and the worry.”
(I can’t imagine the stress those “snarks” cost you. Just know that there are many, many more readers who read what you actually write, and we aren’t looking in your words for ways to kick your ankles. We’re looking (and finding) joy, worry, insight, ideas and inspiration. I’m a dour, non-gushing, non-lipsticked, restrained Scottish woman (the antithesis of a fan girl), and I love what you put out in the world. Keep farting rainbows, unicorn-woman.)
(Btw, the unicorn is Scotland’s national animal. And not in the fluffy, rainbow sense but in that it represents, amongst other things, joy, power and life itself.)
Karen (Scotland)
You are a huge inspiration in every way ! I love your blog – most of all reading about how you FEEL about life!! Thankyou
Thank you Kelle. Please please continue to share YOUR feelings. I also thrive on hearing how others feel. It reminds me that I am not alone with my sometimes scary mommy (woman) feelings.
Yes. Finally we are talking and sharing and connecting. All parenting can be lonely and isolating. We need to connect with each other! Every time I express my feelings I am teaching my children how to articulate theirs. Keep sharing Kelle!
Wow, that comment sure is a kicker, isn’t it?
Mom’s sharing their thoughts is so important! I’m so thankful for social media. We all need to share, share, share….because in sharing our feelings we create a safe circle where other moms can say, “Hey, me too. I feel like that sometimes. It’s good to know I’m not alone.”
Ignore the trolls, as always. They are not worth it.
You go girl!!! 🙂
How dare you have feelings.
Ok. First of all, I have never left a negative comment on someone’s blog, or anywhere. In Bloom, Nella was a newborn!!! Who knows how she felt? OF COURSE it was going to be about you and your experience of being completely blind-sided with an unexpected event that would be with you all the days of your life! Also, I love how your writing is walking us (and probably yourself) through the experiences Nella faces, and you as her mother. I bought Bloom, not because I have a SN child, but because I loved how you walked us through your transformation at that time. As a mother, I am more interested in the mother’s POV, anyway. Keep doing it the way you are, Kelle!
You’re feelings are an extension of those around you. Your children speak through you when they have no voice. The love they squeeze on and through you spills on the pages of your blog. Their ability or inability to accomplish a task, leak pride and worry. I love and hate feelings, they make me laugh, cry and leave me confused and empty and full all at the same time. It’s a reminder we are human, sharing these make us validate they are real, and that we are real. Empathy by force of feeling.
You write eloquently and hyper and thoughtful and a million other emotions that scream feelings. I’ve enjoyed every single word even when I speed read and skip forward then step back.
You are not the only writer of your blog, every path you cross is a character and you do a remarkable job of giving credit in writing and in pictures how those people make you feel, so well that I can feel them too.
Much love.
God bless you Kelle – not just for writing about your feelings as you make your way through motherhood, but also for handling a mean-spirited comment in a kind way.
Well said, truly. If Nella wants to blog about her feelings at some point, more power to her! I, for one, will subscribe to/read the shit out of that. But, for now, please know that your blog makes so many people feel happy or validated or hopeful or less alone or less afraid or more thoughtful (or all of the above.)
P.S. Just a thought: that commenter perhaps deserves our sympathy if they’ve been taught that sharing ones’ feelings surrounding the inherent challenges of parenting is selfish or unhealthy. We all do what we can to get by while attempting to do our best. Let’s support one another, shall we?
I love this so much! YES to ALL of it! Keep on keepin’ on, mama! Fist bump, high five and even a fancy heel kick to you this afternoon.
Incredibly. Beautifully. Well Said.
I encourage you to follow my friend’s blog…he too has a daughter a couple of years older than Nella with Down Syndrome and is worried about similar issues.
http://plinth.org/wordpress/
Your feelings is what I enjoy most about your blog and your book. Thank you for sharing- please don’t ever stop! There is lots written about kids with special needs and how their parents care for them and advocate for them, etc. And while there are many great things about your style of writing, I think one thing that really stands out to me is that it is about what it is like FOR YOU to raise your children. I love that- please don’t quit!
beautifully said Kelle. Hear hear. I realise I read your words in this blog partly because hearing your feelings so eloquently put helps me understand and explore my OWN feelings. And I know all of your children will appreciate their Mumma’s honesty and trueness when you help them explore THEIR feelings. x
Yes! So much this! As a fellow special needs mama, I agree that we need our own voices and to acknowledge and embrace our own feelings on this journey. And the best part is that we can do this while also being an advocate for our kiddos. Keep on sharing, mama!!!!
I’m with you 100% and always inspired by you, your writings and your feelings.
A baby writing a book….that would be awesome and probably a NY Times Best Seller.
Such a great reply to that ridiculous comment.
I think judging by the comments on this post alone…we we are all on the same page with you.
Very well put, Kelle. As a mom to a son who has an autism diagnosis, I totally get the different feelings you write about with regard to Nella. And they are that, emotions you choose to share with the world for all to see. Some people are judgmental. It’s just their nature. I’m glad you don’t let these fools shut you down. Keep feeling!
Constructive criticism is one thing….beginning a comment with JFC is quite another. It speaks 100% to the insecurity/pent-up anger/general lousiness the commenter feels. You handled it beautifully, much better than I probably would have. Keep sharing your feelings and experiences!
Troll comments. SMH. My goodness, what is wrong with people. I come to your site, for a breath of fresh air. You’re real and raw and so relatable. I want to come over and have pizza with all of you. I want to let my kids jump in puddles with yours. I want to drown in a glass of vino and discuss motherhood and all its messy and beautiful edges. I’m so glad you’ll never change; you’re someone I think about at the grocery store and giggle as my kids ate potato chips and hummus for lunch because I too tried to stretch out a lunch, one, day, more. Thank you for always sharing your feelings and heart—those of us who are real mommas, much appreciate it. xo
Please don’t ever stop sharing how you feel.
Please don’t ever stop writing from your heart , expressing your feelings. I have followed your blog for almost four years since I was pregnant with my youngest and you were pregnant with Dash. I do not have a child with special needs , but I do have five children all with different personalities, wants and needs. All have taught me and continue to teach me so much about life about myself and about my feelings. I only wish I could express myself as beautifully as you. there are times when I am feeling down or maybe misunderstood , undervalued , or just inadequate and I come here and I read your words and instantly I feel better. Why cause someone understands what I am going thru. never ever stop writing your story,… Love you and your family so much and just know that even though we do not hear Nella’s words we definitely feel her and love her thru your words and pictures..
Bravo.
Love, love, love your response! What a great reminder… that we should always speak for ourselves and allow others to have their own voice. Your openness with your feelings is what keeps me coming back! “Honest Mom Feelings” are rare & valuable! Thanks for sharing!
YEP.
Dammit, I have nothing else to say.
I loved Bloom and I love your blog so I hope you’ll never give up sharing YOUR feelings and thoughts!
From this mother to you, thank you for the gift you share.
People are ugly for so many different reasons, none of them right. I think JFC saw your beautiful family and your talent and wanted to rain on your parade because of jealousy. As usual, your response was golden. I have been reading your blog almost from the beginning and I have never once thought what JFC wrote. I bought your book, read your blog regularly and even went out and bought 3 deer dolls like Maude for future grandchildren. So you are even inspiring us oldie-goldies. Keep up the good work!
I’ve had a number of pings in my stats from this page (apparently, someone I know linked to my blog in the comments – thanks!).
I wanted to say that it is OK to feel fear/terror from the lack of control of classroom behavior and inclusion. I feel that all the time. One of the things that really helps for my daughter Alice is that she has tremendous peers. She is with a group of kids who value her and ‘get’ her and treat her like a kid with feelings that matter.
As I see her maturing (holy cow, she’s a teen in 5 weeks!), I can better predict how she will be as an adult and in terms of independence, it’s not good. It’s not likely not going to be where we hoped, but it doesn’t mean that she won’t live a full life.
Ultimately, living a full life is the best thing for her whether or not it’s independent.
Best wishes, and I was happy to see you (on stage) at the NDSC conference several years ago.
I love your honesty about having a child with special needs. It lets me know I’m not alone. That’s why I love your blog. I think the troll missed the point!
I’m a mother of two, one is 21 the other 16.
My big girl is away at uni and when I talk to other mothers who have kids going of to uni who worry about how their ‘child’ will cope. I always smile and say they will be fine, but it could well be hard on you, but both they and you can do this, it’s part of the growing up process for both of you.
My youngest, my boy, was born at 27 weeks and has C.P. and learning difficulties. I ‘mentor*’ at a prem baby club, I always say one thing to the new mothers/members, you CAN do this. I know it’s scary, I know you lie awake sometimes thinking am I enough, am I doing it right, am I being to emotional/clinical/critical about how I’m doing/coping with this. Then I say, take one day at a time, let this be about you as well as the baby, you are both on this journey, just do the best you can each day with the tools you have, you’ve got this and anyone who says differently can go screw themselves 🙂
*mentor, I used this word because it’s late and I couldn’t think of another it sounds posher than what it really is. I just have a chat, tell them what they are entitled and help them fill in their initial forms
I am so dissapointed you didn’t interview newborn Nella! To the Troll we are not interested in how YOU FEEL.