This post is sponsored by Nick Jr.
He’s a whirlwind across the living room, weaving between couches and coffee table, arms in the air, mouth open, growl bellowing loud enough to initiate a head cock from our deaf dog.
“I’m a dinosaur,” he roars. “No, a tiger,” he says. “No, a dog,” he corrects once more.
“Oh, what a sweet doggie,” I say.
“No, I’m a mean dog,” he insists, adding an intimidating hiss and a swipe of his little hand curled up to resemble sharp claws.
I shudder and hide under a pillow. “Don’t get me, mean dog!”He laughs and raises the ferocity of his act about ten levels, now throwing his body on the couch, flipping pillows and bearing his teeth.
“Okay Cujo, tone it down.”
On the wall just past him, I can still see his crayon scribbles from last week–waxy swirls of bright red that curl around the wall into the hallway and haven’t been scrubbed off yet because sometimes in motherhood, I take the ‘possum approach: just lay down and play dead. When this phase is all over, you can always wake up and clean the mess.
“It’s a phase, right?” I ask a mom friend whose once beautifully wild boy like Dash is all grown up and funneling his wildness into grand, world-changing efforts.
“He’s three, right?” she asks.
“Yes, three.”
“You got about one more year, and then you won’t believe how things shift,” she promises. “Hang in there. Keep doing what you’re doing. He’ll figure out what’s acceptable, and before you even realize it, you’ll have a mellowed-out little fellow.
A year. Whew. I pick up the copy of Raising Your Spirited Child that’s been kicked under the piano and wipe off the dust and dog hair on the cover. The subtitle reads “a guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and energetic” with more in bold letters, and I smile. More! We love more! We all have our something extra area–don’t we want our “more” to be celebrated?
“You know how they describe Thomas Edison?” I ask Brett later. “They said he was a man who didn’t know when it was time to quit. Sound like anyone else we know?”
We work on boundaries and direction and modeling every day because that’s what parents do. But mostly, we lean in to everything each of our kids is–creative, persistent, adventurous, observant, and yes, even wild–and find ways for those things to shine rather than attempt to quiet them.
(Muddy fields are like blank canvases for this one.)
He is beautifully wild, not because he is a boy but because he is Dash. And my very favorite thing about him inspires me: he fully believes and practices the idea that Everything is Surmountable.
There is no sieve, filtering out “too hard” or “too dangerous” or “too embarrassing” from what’s possible, from what he so desires.
And there is no canvas off limits for his art.
(Just ask his legs.)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Half Shell Heroes figurines
And oh the stories we are collecting on this boy to retell at Christmas gatherings and graduation parties and in wedding reception speeches someday. How we’ll howl and shake our heads and remember how he stood on the minivan and swung from the garage door beams (it happened). How we once found him at the top of a tree (it’s true). How a fictitious call from “Officer Roberts” (/Uncle Bubby) got him to stay in his seat belt on a road trip one time long ago. And how I’ll look at him when these stories are retold one day–my tall, handsome, kind young man with a wild heart–and wish he was little again, if just for a day, to hear his dinosaur growls, walk by his wall art, chase him down the hall.
Blaze and the Monster Machines remote control car
This phase of–shall we say–intensity of spirit? Everything is surmountable.
Wild adventure reigns.
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For adventure lovers, girls and boys alike, some of Dash’s favorite toys right now that highlight some of his cherished things–dinosaurs, wheels and speed–are Nick Jr. toys featured in this post and available exclusively at Kohl’s.
His Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Half Shell Heroes figurines (dinos! dinos!)…
And his favorite, his Blaze and the Monster Machines remote control car that transforms from a monster truck to a race car and is controlled by a super cool remote wrist band.
HI sweetie! I haven’t been here in awhile…still as amazing as ever. He is all boy, what a cutie! (Just wait until 16, so worth all of it!).
xoxox
I’ve got a mellowed out former wild man and a middle child that is currently navigating through that “phase” in his childhood. It’s exhausting and exhilarating! You’ve got it momma!
And full disclosure – I read the title I thought you were going to talk about the movie “Wild Hearts Can’t be Broken” and I got giddy because it’s all of the feels. It’s cheestastic and amazing and even though it’s not at all what you talked about, I feel as necessary that you watch that movie. With your littles 🙂
You’re welcome. 😉
One of my favorite movies as a kid. Sonora Webster! And whatever happened to the actor who played Al? Major Hollywood crush!
big big crush! Are you ready for your mind to be blown?! That actor is Jake from sixteen candles.
and I should have never doubted you – of course you’ve seen that movie. Of course you have. no I have to find a copy and watch it again. 🙂
“I found my destiny. Not in far off places, but within myself.”
My baby boy just turned 9 this month – I’ve been reading your post for years and always loved the stories about your daughters, but I had a little boy and my days seemed so much different than yours…now I read about Dash and it makes me smile. All kids are individuals, but boys are so different than girls. Having a son, made me finally understand why we have so many different professional sports! Go Dash Go!!!
Immediately upon reading, “If just for a day, to hear his dinosaur growls, walk by his wall art, chase him down the hall,” tears filled my eyes. I think the moment they enter this world, we realize how quickly the time goes by. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and in times of exhaustion I remember that these days won’t last long enough. I loved reading this tonight!
I had to chime in because this rang so true to my own family story. My brother was as my mother kindly put it, “a difficult child”. She said those first few years were defitely a struggle but as some point he turned into the sweetest, kindest boy and before she knew it she was crying because he had to leave for kindergarten and she had to leave her sweet little best friend all day (keep in mind he was child #5 so she’s been through the school thing before). He is now a successful physicist with such a unique and amazing personality. He is driven, went through a rigorous masters program and loved it, creative and so kind. He is an intellectual with brains but also loves cooking, gardening, and many creative hobbies. So when you want to pull your hair out, remember that those traits that are driving you crazy today will be what make him successful in twenty years. And now I just miss my brother! 🙁 (We are very close in age/get along great but I’m in Oklahoma and he is in Connecticut)
I just read Raising a spirited child and that paragraph that you quoted describes one of my little ladies perfectly. She is 4 1/2 yrs old and your friend is right a year makes a huge difference! Raising a 3 year old who is “spirited” was one of my toughest parenting moments, but we survived it!!
Oh…Kelle…Your Dash sounds very similar to my youngest child, who is now 13. I hate to say it, but everyone told me that, “At 4 years old, he’ll change…just wait.” Honey, I waited. And waited. I embraced his creative, busy, on-the-go turbocharged personality while simultaneously enforcing boundaries and modeling the expectations we set. I cried and wondered what was wrong with my child…after all, my oldest never acted this way. I wondered what was wrong with me as a parent. What was I doing wrong?
He did change. But he changed on his own terms, when the time was right for him. He was 9.
Sure, his fearless-limitless-high energy drive hunger for life and adventure was too much at times and redirection was mandatory, especially at school; however, with the support from his teachers we worked through the times when focusing mandatory. And he flourished. Recess and after school play until bedtime were his releases and we provided a LOT of freedom in these outlets…spent a lot of time at playgrounds, swimming, running and, when the weather grew too cold to be outside—he was still out there with layers upon layers of clothing. Sledding, building, running.
Dash is not different than so many kids his age. He’s different from Lainey and Nella. He’s not at all what you pictured your life would include. I know I didn’t picture my second child being so very very different from the first. I read all the books. I watched everything I found on the internet late at night before collapsing only to do it all again the next day.
I picked my battles, selectively ran errands (he hung out at home with my husband while I grocery shopped), we went out to eat ONLY when we had a sitter and I was careful with the amount of artificial coloring found in all groceries I purchased. While I don’t believe there is a 100% definitive connection between a super active child and red40, I also can’t prove there isn’t. Why chance it?!
I’d love to conclude this with, “Just one more year.” But, I believe in honesty. It’s highly possible that you’re in for another 5-7 years. Embrace the ride.
It sounds like his personality may one day be a great thing for Nella. He may see the challenges that he may need to take on many moons from now to care for his sister as nothing insurmountable:).
I too have a “spirited” 3 year old son. His imagination and exuberance are both inspiring and exhausting and I confess that I often count the seconds until bedtime. But your friend’s words made me tear up a little and want to hold onto this time just a little tighter. ????❤️
I just finished reading “Spirited Child” last week. I often felt the author had somehow snuck into my mind (and my house) and was writing, word for word, either things I had thought or said about me or my kids. Such a great book with some simple, practical, game-changing strategies for parents.
“He is beautifully wild, not because he is a boy but because he is Dash.” Thank you for refusing to support the non-evidence-based and destructive notions of neurosexism and gender dichotomies! Thank you for seeing and supporting the personalities of your kids as individuals, and not as predetermined by their genitalia or gender identity.
I love the spirited ones. I wouldn’t have probably said that when my son was driving me crazy when he was little but I can say it now. My husband and I used to look at each other and say, “Is it time for him to go to bed yet?” Fortunately we were able to channel all that energy into something good and he is 23 and an amazing human being and young man. And since I tell you all the time that you are parenting close to perfect, I am sure Dash will still be awesome when he is all grown up. I disagree on one thing though – he may mellow out forever at some point, but I find that the spirited ones never really lose that spirit completely and that’s okay with me!
Dear Kelle,
it is the first time, that I commentyour blog. (From Germany 🙂 First of all: I like your blog very much! Your description of Dash reminded me so much of my little daughter Marlene (she is 21 months old now). Her “hobby” since she was 10 month old is climbing from the couch to the ledge and jumping down (trusting that someone will catch her). One of her first words was “Rasenmäher” (mowing machine), because she likes the sound of the loud machine so much. We rarely have a day without a bruise, a scratch and dirty clothes 🙂 -because she has so many ideas how to run, climb and jump through the world. When others are afraid and cry, she is in the front row to observe everything and she tries to join in. I am so proud of my brave, wild girl!