This post is sponsored by Børn Shoes.
Okay, we’ve all been there–stripped of our otherwise reliable confidence from an intimidating event, an uncomfortable situation, a new crowd, a failure, someone else’s shaming attempt or maybe just an off day when we’re questioning silly things of which we usually feel certain: “Wait, are these jeans I’ve been loving actually hideous?”. But how do you summon your confidence back when you feel it’s left the building? I’m partnering with our long time friends at Børn Shoes to share some of my favorite confidence boosting tips with some of their new fall boots that marry two important elements of confidence–style and comfort.
Stand up straight.
Scientifically, it’s proven there’s a psychological connection to your confidence when you physically straighten your posture and stand up tall. I’ve been known to slump my shoulders which can subconsciously transfer to slumping my spirit, especially when I’m in a moment that is challenging my confidence; so a good purposeful inhalation and straightening of the back and shoulders sends a message to the brain: “Hey! Look at me! Standing tall! I can do this!” Standing up straight also makes a compelling statement on the outside.
Making a confident statement with the Knee-high Cricket Boots
Remember, confidence is not about puffing out your chest, it’s about grounding within.
That outside statement? I try not to get too caught up in it as a motive for confidence. Trying to prove capability and confidence isn’t really confidence–it’s just another form of insecurity, and thinking too much about portraying it on the outside leads to chest-puffing which, to the wise souls, interprets clearly as self-doubt. Instead, when I’m feeling a lack of confidence, I acknowledge my vulnerability within and remember that reestablishing a moment of confidence is about me and no one else–reconnecting to my truest self.
Rich, classic Cognac Casco Boots–instant confidence boost
Lipstick, Favorite Shirt, Great Shoes.
Yes, our confidence comes from within and not what we wear, but the good Lord gave us helpers. A statement pair of earrings that makes us feel put together, a swipe of red lipstick that adds some color when we’re feeling a little peaked, or a fabulous pair of shoes that looks good on us and fits whether or not we’re easily slipping into our favorite pair of jeans–these can all serve as temporary training wheels until we’re pedaling fast again in the Tour de Confidence. And no need to overcompensate with 4-inch heels, bold lip color you’re not quite ready to wear or an outfit that feels uncomfortable, or you’ll be thinking about it too much, sinking your confidence even lower.
These Aire boots are the perfect compromise–a stylish statement that’s still uber comfortable–shoes that give you a confidence hug.
Do Something Hard.
This one’s never failed me. A sudden lack of confidence often comes from a moment when I’ve been knocked down. There’s no quicker way to recover from it than to jump back up and prove to myself that I can handle hard things….by handling a hard thing. Foolproof ways for feeling a surge of confidence: throwing on my running shoes and hitting the pavement for a quick full-effort run, completing a task I’ve been procrastinating, attending to a confrontation I’ve been avoiding or even simply making an appointment I’ve been putting off.
She’s the yoda of confidence, and playing any one of her songs is sure to summon assurance. You don’t even have to know the lyrics–her voice magically repairs the cracks. In fact, there are so many powerful women out there whose examples of fierceness and strength can be used to find our own again. And we’ll be that for other women at times too. So when you need a little boost, there’s nothing wrong with asking yourself “What would Beyonce do?” or maybe it’s Eunice Shriver or a favorite author or your fierce Aunt Mabel who always takes the high road. But I promise you, dancing to Beyonce alone in your kitchen helps too. Start with “Run the World,” maybe end with “Halo.” Other confidence boosting songs? Sia’s “Unstoppable” (the chorus lyrics will raise your feet off the ground and practically give you the ability of flight), Katy Perry’s “Roar,” and anything by Pink.
Put your phone down.
Our phones, feeds and “scrollables” are notorious for creating confidence-zapping effects whether we’re comparing ourselves to others or wasting time that needs to be spent elsewhere, decreasing our productivity and leading to less confidence later. While reaching for our phones to distract us from an uncomfortable loss of confidence might be our first impulse, it’s unlikely to make us feel better. And while it’s difficult to always adhere to this advice, I know that reaching for something else is the best choice–an uplifting poetry book (Rupi Kaur, Rilke and Rumi are all favorites), a journal and pen, a sketch book and watercolor palette.
It might seem simple, but the most impactful thing I can do to raise my confidence is to get out of my own silly head and think of someone else. A check-in text to someone who’s hurting, a package of goodies in the mailbox to a friend, an offer of my time to a worthy cause or a small donation to an important need. Kindness always recalibrates my confidence.
Speaking of kindness, one of my favorite things about Born Shoes is their commitment to supporting worthy causes. I’ve partnered with them for several years now, a partnership that was born from them reaching out to get involved in supporting Ruby’s Rainbow. They’ll be back for a great giveaway, participating in Down Syndrome Awareness Month in October, and I’m thrilled to have a closet full of Born favorites that always make me feel comfortable, stylish and confident.