Perhaps it’s something I’ll regret later, but this year we added another extra-curricular activity for Lainey after she expressed some interest, explaining that “Pick Two” was our limit. I realize that once Dash is in the mix, we might reconsider and count sitting in the stands watching a brother play soccer as one of those “pick two.” Narrowed down to music lessons or children’s theater, Lainey chose theater this year, and I applauded her decision with one Jazz Hands and two High Kicks.
Class commenced earlier this week, prepped by my attempted balance of excitement and nonchalance so that Lainey was eager yet not nervous. “You’re so lucky, you get to be in a real play! You’re going to learn so many cool songs and make new friends. Oooo—I bet they’re going to sell tickets, and maybe Daddy and I can eat popcorn while we watch you on stage.” Followed predictably by her dimpled shy smile.
We walked into our local playhouse and were instantly welcomed by its artsy charm—plush carpet, velvety drapes, audition posters and a hidden staircase that led to rehearsal rooms with wood floors and old pianos. After finding our class in one of the rehearsal rooms, I gave Lainey a quick kiss before nudging her to join the circle of kids and promised her I’d stay a few minutes to watch. With one friend in the class and a year and a half of school under her belt, I wasn’t expecting any major hesitation.
That was before Zip, Zap, Zop. It’s an improv game with simple rules. One person starts by making eye contact with someone else in the circle, claps her hands toward them and yells, “Zip!” That person then has to immediately look at someone else, point toward them and yell “Zap!” Third person yells “Zop!” and the cycle continues. If you don’t make good eye contact, you’re out; if you say the wrong word, you’re out; and if you hesitate in calling out the next word, you’re out. As soon as the game started, I thought, “Shit.” I know my kid. She’s going to want the directions repeated six times so she can do it perfectly. And God forbid someone Zips her and she Zops instead of Zaps. While I braced myself for what was to follow, I also knew that this is the exact reason this theater class would be so good for her. Loosen up! Make mistakes! Don’t overthink things…just do it! Be yourself! Have fun! The same things I have to remind myself.
Well someone zipped her, and it went down like I feared. She froze and looked back at me to save her. “Say Zap! Say Zap!” I wanted to say but instead I smiled and mouthed, “It’s okay. It’s okay.” She stood there for another five seconds which felt like thirty. And then the tears—the kind you know just by looking are all hot from the effort she spent to keep them from spilling. We excused ourselves into the hallway where I hugged and kissed cheeks and did my best to smile and let her know this was no big deal. Totally fine. She wanted to go home, but I told her that we couldn’t quit this soon into the game. That it was okay to make mistakes or not know how to play, but that we’d never know what we were missing if we didn’t give it a full shot. “If after two classes, you don’t like it, you don’t have to stay,” I told her. We talked about doing hard things and facing discomfort, and although I wanted to scoop her up and say, “Forget it! This isn’t fun! Let’s go home!”, I knew this uncomfortable introduction was just the muddy path she had to trudge through to get to the meadow clearing behind it. True for a lot of things in life. “Baby, you can’t just quit. New things are hard sometimes because we don’t know anything about them. And that can feel a little bit scary. Just like kindergarten did. But we need to go back in there and finish the class. You’ll miss out on so many amazing things if you run every time things get hard. You have to keep going to find out if it gets better.”
Walking back in was hard for both of us. And walking out alone knowing she was feeling uncomfortable was even harder. But it’s supposed to be hard.
I waited for over an hour for the class to finish and sported my happiest, proudest face when she walked out the door. She smiled (smiled, I tell ya!) as she handed me a new script and a CD full of songs to learn, and I played it cool, deciding it was best to forgo my “How’d it go?” interrogation and calmly let her take the lead. We walked a few buildings down to a frozen yogurt store with friends, made plans for the following week’s class and called it a night.
“Want to listen to these songs on the way home?” I asked, fanning the new theater CD in front of her.
I blared the CD in the car while we both attempted to sing along, and when we got home we taught Brett how to play Zip, Zap, Zop!
“It’s okay if you mess up,” Lainey instructed Brett. “You just have to say something.”
The night felt like a small victory for both of us.
The hardest lessons to teach in parenting are often the ones we’re still learning ourselves.
SO, so good. tears stinging my eyes good. ahh, this parenting thing. it’s so real. and scary. and great. Bravo, Lainey!
That was a good lesson. I was never brave enough to be in a play even though I always thought it would be fun, and I am sure one day she will remember how you helped her accomplish things she didn’t know were possible.
Ain’t that the truth? I’m so glad Lainey was able to overcome it and see the meadow so quickly. 🙂 No risk, no reward eh sister?
That was amazing. Loved it.
Thank you! I know I will need to remember this when my shy girl wants to run.
Wow that is tough. I think my little girl is going to be shy (like me), and I am shaking in my boots thinking about things like this.
“The hardest lessons to teach in parenting are often the ones we’re still learning ourselves.”
Amen, sister, Amen.
LOVE. This sentence “…the kind you know just by looking are all hot from the effort she spent to keep them from spilling…” made me tear up. They’re lucky to have you, Kelle. xo
I needed that little story. I’m 27 and I’m right there with Lainey. Aren’t we all?
Zip zap zop is hard… especially in high school when the boys go fast…
I started theatre when I was a little older than Lainey and ended up “concentrating” in it in high school (the vast majority of my electives were in theatre) and majored in it in college… I still hate participating in improved games. It makes me nervous and even nauseous when they start.
I bet she ends up much more comfortable with a script and a plan- I still am- but the creative problem solving you learn from both scripted and improved games is incredible and helps now even in my career.
Oh wow! “The hardest lessons to teach in parenting are often the ones were still learning ourselves”. That got me….it’s so true….so very true! Brilliant, as usual ; )
Go, girl!! Lainey, you so got this!!! Can’t wait to see if she does that same look on the stage that she does at dance recitals!! 🙂
Ahhh that’s such a great idea and sounds so fun! I can’t wait for my daughter to be old enough to take part in plays and more activities. For right now we just do gymnastics. I think it’s wonderful that you listen to her and do so much extra for her… great momma! Also, that picture really freaked me out haha Good luck with everything!
I swear to heaven I could have written this back in September! Zip Zap Zop and all! my girls started theater in September, and were scared the first few rehearsals. But I am happy to say that they have their first dress rehearsal tomorrow, and this weekend they will perform on stage in The Trial of the Big Bad Wolf. My youngest is still iffy about the whole thing, and that’s ok. The one thing we have learned that I feel like theater has taught us is that sometimes life is hard, sometimes we would rather be somewhere else doing something else, but when you are part of something bigger you have to stay the course because people are depending on you to be part of the team. I told her that if after the play she decides it’s not for her than we won’t expect her to return. Congratulations to both of you on making it through your first theater experience and here’s hoping Laundry loves it as much as my 10 year old does!
Lainey* not laundry. Silly autocorrect.
I swear to heaven I could have written this back in September! Zip Zap Zop and all! my girls started theater in September, and were scared the first few rehearsals. But I am happy to say that they have their first dress rehearsal tomorrow, and this weekend they will perform on stage in The Trial of the Big Bad Wolf. My youngest is still iffy about the whole thing, and that’s ok. The one thing we have learned that I feel like theater has taught us is that sometimes life is hard, sometimes we would rather be somewhere else doing something else, but when you are part of something bigger you have to stay the course because people are depending on you to be part of the team. I told her that if after the play she decides it’s not for her than we won’t expect her to return. Congratulations to both of you on making it through your first theater experience and here’s hoping Laundry loves it as much as my 10 year old does!
I love it. A great lesson. But that iguana thing Lainey is sticking her hand into?!?!?! Um….not okay. Lol
Hooray for courage! Bravo to mom and daughter 🙂
Loved this post!!
Lainey is one tough cookie. As soon as you described the game I got an uneasy stomach, it made me nervous!! I’m still really working on making my kids push through discomfort so this really spoke to me.
This post gave me butterflies!! Thank you for paving the road ahead of our family with the experiences of your’s.
What an awesome, awesome lesson and yeah to you mom for following through even when you wanted to grab your baby and runnnnnn!!!!!
Oh thanks goodness for a new post. I just finished your book about 5 minutes ago (I read it in 2 days… had to stop to work and sleep! Darn working and sleeping). And now that I’m finished, I’m feeling a little “Now What?”-ish. A new post to read softened the blow of finishing 😉
Your book is just beautiful and has made me reflect so much on my own life.. the woman I want to be… the mother I hope to be someday… Thank you so much for sharing your story in such a raw and honest way… it’s very inspiring!
It was kind of funny reading your book pre-Dash. I kept wanting to tell past Kelle what life has in store for her next!! 🙂
And Lainey is SO grown up now! And very brave… you must be so proud!
So thank-you. All the way from Australia! X
As a theatre kid (who isn’t so kiddish anymore..), this is why I LOVED working with the kids when I was in high school. I was bitten by the theater bug in 6th grade and didn’t quit until I got to college and just didn’t have the time. I directed a musical for kids and it was my absolute favorite! I am so glad Lainey loved it!
I think theatre is full of lessons to be learned. Sometimes, you can practice and prepare and do your best and still not get the part. You can mess up (A LOT). Confidence is key, but too much is the key to destruction. I loved every minute of my life on the stage (and behind the curtain) and miss it every day.
Beware, though. It’s addicting. I have friends who literally grew up on the stage and are still going strong.
You both did a great job handling the new experience. I am inspired that you taught her perseverance even when you felt like grabbing her and running. I will remember this lesson when my girls start their activities this summer. Way to go!
Hi!
I’m 18 and I come from a strong theater background. My first experiences were very much like Lainey’s and I do remember playing a version of that game (called zoom, zap, shazam!) and messing up. Now, years later, looking back I know theater class was one of the greatest experiences. The friendships made in the theater are like no other. It takes a lot of trust to be part of a theater troupe, and the bonds that are made with that trust cannot compare to anything else.
Best of luck on this new adventure!
Way to go! What an inspirational and wise parenting moment.
Oh boy! Hot tears stinging this girls eyes! As usual Kelle you are spot on, and oh so right, funny how our children seem to keep mirroring our own lessons back at us until we get it.
My only daughter is only 5 months old, but that last phrase really struck me. I think it is very wise, and I will remember that as I begin the long journey of raising my kids. Thanks for sharing as you learn.
I adore that little girl! She reminds me of one of my own… Who is now almost 10 and has blossomed so much in her confidence!! You are an amazing mama.
That last phrase, standing alone at the end? Moved me to tears.
Kelle, you handled this so beautifully!! Thank you for your wonderful words and advice as always. 😊 When I first read the title, I thought you were going to be talking about “Froggy” books… In those books, “Zip. Zap. Zoot” are often repeated when he’s getting dressed, going somewhere, etc. 😉
Beautiful! I’ve been there with a few of my own, and it can be more heart wrenching to us moms. I’m so glad it turned out well for her.
Just lovely. You are an amazing mother and person. I find so much joy in reading your entries. Your kids are lucky to have you as a mom.
Yes. Yes. Yes! You are so wise. I usually struggle to find the words to say to my kids in these moments. Perfect. Well said.
Oh, this brings tears to my eyes. I have a son who will turn four in February and already I know that these experiences are in our future. I think we will have additional struggles as sensitive and shy little boys are not always applauded in our culture. Your kids are so lucky to have you for a mom. 🙂
Your last sentence hit the Nail. On. The. Head.
Kelle-Thanks for sharing this. It’s such a hard life lesson-one I still struggle with myself and as a Mom (my 10 yr. old inherited my unfortunate “If I can’t do it well the first try, I’ll never get it” gene)His big sister, Grace (who happens to have DS)has taught us to relax and keep on keeping on. Last summer I nervously dropped off my three babes (ages 8, 10, 12)at a local Children’s theater day camp, where they would learn their songs, dances and speaking roles (a bee, elephant and wolf)in Disney’s “Jungle Book”, and perform it on stage in two weeks. I was particularly anxious because Grace struggles with sensory overstim and does not “do” theaters, but she loves anything with music and dance, and I was hopeful this would be a good challenge for her. I also worried how well the other children would accept and include her. I figured even if she didn’t come out on stage, she would have had a wonderful experience at camp singing, dancing, making friends…. Well, she did it! All three of them loved it and look forward to attending camp again this summer! You’re exactly right-the path is sometimes muddy and hard, but the meadow is so good. Keep on keeping on. You’re an amazing Mama.
Kelle,
This made me cry! I can so relate to Lainey reminds me of myself ALOT of years ago. I have a younger brother with severe mental retardation. I have a real problem with “messing up” that I think stems partially from being the first child and partially from not wanting to be at all imperfect when our family’s life was already full up with imperfect, thankyouverymuch. Did I put it on myself? Did my parents inadvertently play a role? Who’s to say? I will say that reading how you handled this particular situation (and I’m no expert) sounds just right. She’ll be fine, mama!
Shannon
You are such a wonderful mommy. I really enjoyed reading this post. I needed it on a day like today when my little one, Emmalyn (3 years), cried when I dropped her off at school. I cling to the fact she will have a huge smile on her face when I pick her up.
Kelle, this post stays relevant no matter the age of your kids. Our 18 year old is very introverted and we’ve had to work with him his entire life to tackle things. The advice you give in this post applies to him today. You never know how you may or may not like something, until you try it. You did good, mom!!
That last sentence there about teaching lessons we’re still learning…my exact thoughts this morning about me and my girls. Good to know I’m not alone.
I hope I can remember stories like these when my girl hits this age (or any age) and needs me to give the right response to a similar situation. Maybe there isn’t a “right” response but I hope I can at least try!
Asshole comments will continue to be deleted. Please don’t use fake concern for my children or our family when you are repeatedly returning from anonymous accounts and projecting your feelings about people you don’t know.
Bookending comments with “isn’t she a cutie” doesn’t mask assholeness.
I find it interesting that the same commenters who have left repeated “I’m done with this blog–I won’t be back” comments (which inspired one of my favorite posts I wrote last year, mind you!) continue to return months later. Stop obsessing over your perceptions of someone you don’t know and letting them stress you out so much! You make the decision to return here day after day. Find less stressful reading sources if this isn’t a good match for you. I love strawberries but some people are allergic to them. I’d think it very silly if one who’s had a reaction to strawberries kept eating them and complaining about it! Stop eating strawberries!
And conquering fears and facing an uncomfortable moment to come out on top? Hardly something to be embarrassed about! I’m so proud of Lainey, and she knows it.
Can’t imagine how anyone could possibly make an a-hole comment about this blog post. I thought it was beautifully written and so poignant. I can see myself in both Lainey and in your response as a mother. You inspire me in the way I raise my own daughter. Thank you.
Truly not trying to be an “asshole” Kelle, so please bear with me before deleting my comment. I read the responses before you deleted them and most of them were tactful and respectful. I have read your blog and followed your feeds since the birth of my own daughter but what truly lacks here is the ability to discuss topics without fear of being shut down because an opinion differs than yours. I understand you enjoy positive thoughts and embrace understanding, but a person can really grow when they consider the opinions of others. Just some food for thought.
Wow I have only left positive comments (although very few if I’m being honest.) my comment was most certainly not to be an asshole or to show fake concern for your family. I was letting you know how I would feel since I think I was a lot like Lainey. I grew up with a younger sister who is profoundly disabled, and think a lot of my personality traits come from being the “typical” big sister.
But okay, I guess I’m the asshole for respectfully asking a question. I’ll continue to read in a feed and keep my comments and questions to myself since unless I am claiming to cry or applauding your parenting I’ll just be deleted.
Go Lainey!!
Great post 🙂
I guess I’ll also speak up and say that I saw the comments before you deleted them, and maybe I missed something but I didn’t see any “asshole” comments. In fact I have to say that they were constructive and I found myself agreeing with them. I’m confused and disappointed.
I, like Danielle, didn’t feel like I was being an “asshole” at all either. I certainly didn’t create a fake account to comment, nor have I ever threatened to leave only to come back later. I rarely comment in fact, though if you took the time to look back, some of my few comments were positive. And my concern isn’t fake. I was honest in my review of this post, that’s all. Open discussion but only if I’m blowing sunshine up your butt? You are asking people to buy your product (the stories you tell) here, but yet no one can disagree. You want me to donate to the NDSS, buy your kids’ old clothes, click over from your blog to your sponsors, thus paying YOU, but I’m called an asshole because I didn’t care for the tone of one blog post? You keep alienating people, Kelle, and see how that turns out.
Love, love, love it!!
@Carmen Siple
I’m really tired of the argument that deleting or responding to certain comments is “being shut down because an opinion differs than yours.” I’ve seen it on other blog feeds as well–women I respect, putting themselves out there, responding to anonymous challenges and pot shots by sticking by what they feel is right for them and then being called narcissistic or unable to take criticism for doing so. I’ve been doing this for six years now, and I’ve a pretty good sense what’s an honest opposing opinion worthy of some reflection and what’s asshole and well-crafted projection. You see the same names, same commenting trend, same topic, same IP addresses, most from anonymous accounts or fake names. When a woman stands behind what she’s doing and what she believes in, that doesn’t at all equate to “not growing.”
I used to leave all comments thinking that was the right thing to do if “you put yourself out there”, let feeds explode, analyze every thing every anonymous person accused and made sure I considered it because that’s what a good growing person does, right?…until I realized. OH MY GOD–own what you’re doing, sister! I’m blessed to have good resources in many places for growth and insight and constructive criticism. But I confidently stand by what I wrote here. I made careful, conscious decisions about what to include in this account.
As one who has always been committed to reading blog comments when I can, knowing readers took the time to write them, I get used to names. The same people only pipe up when there’s something to criticize. Those same kind of people exist in the offline world, and they’re generally not places where I find beautiful opportunities for genuine growth–unless it’s learning to grow up, stand up and say, “Hey, you only open your mouth when you don’t like something…what’s going on here?”
You will find what you seek.
…and I’m sorry for flippantly using “asshole.” There was definitely an asshole comment from someone who repeatedly returns, and I lumped y’all. I project sometimes too…but I own it.
Having personal feelings that you wouldn’t share this story about your own children is fine. I respect that. But projecting that to mean “it’s wrong for you too” isn’t.
Kelle, I thought your post was beautifully written and talked about a learning experience for Lainey. I can’t understand why these people try to find something to be mean about. I am sorry and just please ignore them. know that’s easier said than done. There absolutely projecting about their own issues- nothing to do with Laney.
Sorry for Siri misspells 😬
Loved it! So good seeing that all these feelings are part of growing up but also these feelings are part of being a parent.
Thanks
I simply asked if Lainey knew you share her stories. I in no way said, or even implied, what you are doing is wrong.
Maybe you do get nasty comments disguised as well-meaning, but if I wanted to be an asshole I would be, there would be no second guessing.
Thank you for apologizing though.
Beautiful! A great life lesson:)
Thanks for the response Kelle. I am wondering, and this may make for a good blog post, if Lainey is aware that you post these personal blog posts about her. Is she aware of today’s post, and if so did she give permission to publish? Again, not trying to be an ass. I think a lot of the criticism you find here is people worried about HER reaction when she is old enough to realize her mom posted these things about her. But maybe we’ve got it all wrong and she’s completely aware and okay with it. Which would really tone down on the negativity you receive.
Love this post, can’t find words from all the tears clogging my throat.
You and your family are truly an inspiration.
Thank you for sharing with us.
I have to say I agree with Carmen and I hope Kelle addresses this. I’ve been following this blog for four years, but now that Lainey is reaching an older age I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable… I don’t know, like a peeping Tom spying on a kid who is unaware I am watching them.
I remember when I was young, I sometimes would hear my mom telling personal stories about me and how it would upset me for days. I can’t imagine how your kids will fill in a few years when they (or their friends) discover these types of post.
I do think if you Kelle are being upset by comments so much you are calling your readers assholes, maybe it’s time to step away from the blog for a while.
@Carmen Siple:
It is a good discussion and being that social media is still so new, we’re all asking ourselves these questions. If I told you Lainey gave me permission, would one not say she doesn’t really understand the Internet yet so how can her permission mean anything? (which is why I won’t bore you with the sweet and very elementary discussions we’ve had about the blog just to give you an explanation)
I can say that I make purposeful decisions about what I share of Lainey. I’ve read stories from writers who describe detailed, hilarious accounts of their kids throwing fits or mouthing off and, while I personally don’t share these kind of moments of Lainey, I still give these writers the benefit of the doubt that they’ve thought about what they’re sharing and how they’re doing it.
This little theater story though? My goodness, this is a common response for many kids, nothing to be ashamed of (I certainly hope we’re not projecting shame to these normal emotions!) and a story my daughter should be proud of.
I don’t think providing explanations to everything would tone down the negativity here. I think that’s just part of social media today. All the more reason to continue to sort these things out and try to make the best of our social media roles. I’m the first to admit, it’s not easy and something I frequently consider. Our generation is the social media pioneer group—an intimidating yet exciting challenge. I hope with each year I contribute, I make some sort of impact.
I’m glad you all enjoyed Lainey’s vulnerabilities being exposed so much – let’s just cross our fingers and hope that Lainey enjoys it in retrospect as much as you all and Kelle. I mean, all evidence points to the contrary, the poor kid doesn’t want to make a mistake in front of a small group of her peers, I can’t imagine she will love this story being told to the wider public, but let’s not that get in the way of the feels.
If it weren’t so sad it would actually be funny. Those “assholes” (great description!) who complain about Kelle’s blog are the very ones that read the blog and take the time to comment spitefully. This is Kelle’s blog about HER family and HER children. If you don’t like her writing about Lainey, Nella or Dash you have the option not to visit her blog as you very well know what the subject matter will be. Go to a pet blog, or a blog about home renovation or exotic travels. Why do you visit Kelle’s blog in the first place? I suspect it is jealousy and envy. Your life is lacking so you become an online bully to try and tear others down. Most of us here enjoy her posts and photos which is why we visit. For those of you who are haters…go elsewhere…although you will probably bitch and complain on other sites as well!
You’re such a good mom! Hang in there Lainey!!
While you, and other bloggers, are pioneering social media, you seem to be lacking common sense or giving any thought to the future. Have you thought about that day when sensitive, shy Lainey comes home from school and is crying because another student found this blog and was able to pinpoint and poke fun at moments that were upsetting to her? And please don’t spew some glittery crap about it being a teachable moment: it should be a moment she never encounters and you, as her mother, can stop posting these private moments and help her avoid the teasing she is going to receive in the not-so-distant future. Overall, and not just with this post, it’s starting to come across that you care much more about blog content and coming across as this perfect mom than concern about your child’s feelings.
If you were truly confident in your decisions, you wouldn’t be crying “asshole” and deleting comments left & right. You talk a lot about “owning it”… but you’re doing it wrong.
And no one is saying that Lainey should feel one ounce of embarrassment or shame about what happened during theatre class. Stop patronizing and please do some hinest reflection on the questions being asked here.
Deleted in 3… 2…
Maybe I am overly paranoid, but aren’t you concerned about safety issues? I don’t even post my kids’ pictures on facebook for fear of what nut job may access them (even if I set account to private). Forget about the thousands upon thousands that have access here.
YIKES!!
@Krisito, why would a child or preteen sit down to google an adult’s blog and scroll through the countless pages to find out specific information on Lainey. That is too time consuming for a kid. If they are going to pick on her, and I surely hope not, it will be for some school related preteen nonsense that we understand is nonsense but is related to school and adolescent issues. Not a grown woman’s blog that is far too long to hold their attention. A blogger is supposed to care about his/her blog. To say that she cares more for the blog than her child’s feelings means that you had quite the conversation with Lainey and she told you how much she hates what her mother writes. Those smiles, the joy in the pictures must be her way of saying “I hate your writing, you terrible mother” Kelly does not come across as perfect or the perfect mom with the perfect life. She comes across as someone who expresses herself in her own way and there are days one can relate and days one cannot. She doesn’t have to document all the hardships because any person with a brain knows that life is not one big happy party but rather a difficult journey with happy moments that can be vast on one day and quite small on others. Although I can see that for some of you, happy moments mean being negative to someone you truly don’t like. It brings some of you pure joy. That is what is truly sad! For the record, if you care so much about what Lainey may feel as she gets older, care that your negative comments may be what causes her to cry someday because no one can feel good when others bash or criticize their mother.
Dear Kelle,
I absolutely love your post and I identify with it wholeheartedly; not with you as a mom, but with Lainey. There are so many times in life when I still feel like a child, situations that seem to difficult and I just want someone to get me out of and to go home. Life is tough, no matter how old you are. And Lainey is blessed to have a mom like you to encourage her to trudge through the mud because things will get better.
@Carolita
Are you kidding? You must have heard stories of teens/preteens using social media/The World Wide Webz to embarrass, harass and otherwise bully other kids, yes? There have been numerous stories of kids being bullied this way, it’s led to suicide in severe cases.
It’s ridiculous to assume that because this is an adult’s blog that a preteen couldn’t – and wouldn’t – simple Google Lainey’s name and find this blog because that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
I think it’s interesting, we simply do not know how this will end. Perhaps my kids will be angry that I didn’t blog about them and there aren’t pictures of them plastered all over the Internet, but those are my choices. Truthfully, I’d rather spend a weekend uploading pictures from their childhood with my preteens that spending a lifetime recovering from overexposing them as kids. But that’s just me.
I’d like to add though, that a peer of L’s would not have to google the blog, they could just google her name, and a lot comes up.
Kelle, I’ve been a reader for a while, but I don’t know that I have commented before.. maybe once!
I read a few blogs and am fascinated by the stories and the writers who share them. You choose to share a part of your life online, and you can;t really choose who reads it. We as readers become emotionally invested to varying degrees. We are going to react in different ways. I don’t necessarily think that public writing means you have to take criticisms, but that strangers care about what happens to you and the family.
Anyway I hope that makes sense.
Dude. You called your readers assholes in the comments DIRECTLY above a post asking for money for yet another fundraiser?
Most of your critics are former fans, Kelle. Listen to them and maybe their numbers will dwindle instead of multiply.
People must be different. Different isn’t right or wrong, it’s just different. When I was growing up there was no internet, no Facebook posts, no blog entries. What I lived with was a father who was a preacher. My brothers and I provided him a wealth of material in stories about us. I would be sitting beside my mother, quietly coloring and I would hear him…I would recognize the story…I would hear my name! I loved it! Loved it. I was not always the hero in the story. Some stories involved my struggles or mishaps. I still loved them. I grew up unharmed. I like to think myself stable. I appreciate the concern in some of these comments. I’m sure those parents would have thought my father wrong, that he should be more careful. That he should have kept private the stories of my life. As I grew up, I loved the thought my little life stories helped him help others. I loved thinking that my steps, even my stumbles taught others the way. Like I say, everyone is different, but my dad, telling my stories, made me feel important and a part of his work and ministry. That’s just me. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Zip Zap Zop was a favorite of mine years ago at summer camp. So happy to read this post~
I think the bigger issue here is what is Kelle’s story to share? Where does the line separate from it being Lainey’s right to have it be her private moment? I think most mommy bliggers find the shared connection of having young cchildren and experiencing milestones together but there comes a point when it’s not the mother’s story to share. Additionally, its the monetization of the blog that feels the most icky. Sharing a story to your friends – ok. Using your kid’s moment to fund your lifestyle – gross.
I love that Lainey explained to Brett how to play the game! Very cute. Great post, love the description of the theater, it sounds magical.
Suzanne- I agree with what you just wrote. As far as monetizing and funding lifestyle through all this, I’ve wondered lately about this and I agree it feels icky. I’ve read that Brett doesn’t work anymore and hasn’t for a while… Is telling private stories about her kids and showing all of their intimate moments on the blog and Instagram how their family is supported now? I know some may say it doesn’t matter to them, but to me it matters. I used to love this blog, but now it’s just totally crossing a line. This isn’t right. I’m sorry Kelle, I used to really enjoy this. I used to put your blog on my laptop just to listen to your music while I went about my day at home with my own kids. I enjoyed your photography. But your kids are getting older. They deserve privacy. They deserve not to have any part in supporting the family financially. This just isn’t right anymore. I’d love to continue being a faithful reader of your blog if you would remove your children and blog about crafts or parties or any lifestyle type of stuff. I think you’d be amazing at that. But please take your children out of it. It’s time.
Just for the fun of it I goggled Lainey’s name for images. Let’s just say I think I’m going to have to go the ER from my jaw dropping on the floor.
Rik- I don’t get how you can say you had a stable life. Your life maybe stable now, but you once was a preacher, married with children. From reading Kelle’s book, I realize it wasn’t something “stable” that caused the divorce. I have a feeling that Kelle is trying to create the perfect childhood she didn’t have for her kids. I just wonder how much your “stable” life has to play in the way she acts. I also wonder how her desire for her life to be the “perfect” blogpost will affect her kids life.
As someone said above, Kelle is supporting her lifestyle on the backs of her three children. I know many adults support their lifestyle on the backs of their kids, but at least those kids have part of their income protected until they reach adulthood.
I think I’m through reading Enjoying the Small things, and maybe it should be renamed Pimping the Small Kids.
Ahhhh…way to go, Momma. Way to go.
xo
Hi Kelle,
I am not an asshole. I am a mom and a longtime reader of this blog. I wonder if you could respond to how another mommy blogger, dooce, just found out her daughter’s friend was reading her blog. Do you plan to leave stories like this up forever or keep posting them well into Lainey’s adolescence for her peers to read?
I’ve been reading and enjoying the blog for over 2 years now as a mother of 2 little girls (one is special needs- autism, not DS). I’m also a blogger myself so I understand the sort of bat shit crazy rude comments that you tend to get sometimes from angry people. But what doesn’t sit right to me is that a few posts back I made a comment over the camera entry thinking that it may have been an honest mistake not to give her a digital if the film was expensive/you were going to limit pictures of certain things because she probably looks up to you and sees you photographing all sorts of objects multiple times. I don’t think the comment was rude at all, but it was deleted as well. I can understand disagreeing with it and standing by your choice as a mother (we don’t know the real reason she got THAT camera), but I don’t know why my polite comment (and several others) were deleted. Maybe you did it because of the OTHER, very rude comments that were also in the post and you were trying not to fuel the fire of people who were truly being assholes? It just struck me as odd. As a child of NPD parents the hardest part of anything was the fact that they were NEVER wrong about anything, if I ever spoke up and disagreed with anything they said it was always put back on me as my fault somehow, or avoided, or made into me being ‘crazy’ or ‘selfish’ or ‘rude’. So when I see comments deleted like that my red flags go up, because from what I’ve seen when someone reacts in that sort of way to ANY negative feedback they are usually either NPD or were (usually unknowingly) raised by one.
But I do understand how this whole blogging/social media thing is new. I’ve certainly over shared things about my daughters on facebook that I now realize might come back to haunt them in 5-10 years. I’m very careful on my blog to keep us anonymous for their safety more than anything, but I know that MOST kids are at least splashed all over social media these days from the time the stick gets peed on and maybe they will just think it’s normal. It’s too soon to know for sure though.
So proud of you both. As hard as it is when you in the middle of it, the results are so worth waiting for. You’re an awesome mom. Lainey is and amazing little girl.
As one of those posters that said I was done with this blog, well, I tried to walk away. I really did. But, this space (and IG) that you have created, has become more of a social experiment. People have intellgent comments and questions, yet you decide we are all assholes and just use the delete button, metaphors and your Dad to ‘educate’ us.
Nothing like a little name calling to be a good role model. Adios!
I loved your post. I did comment earlier but it disappeared into the internet black hole. People are to judgmental. Anyone ever heard of. If you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say it all. I wonder if they would all be so rude in a social setting. I wish I could make enough money for my husband to stay home. We would be so much happier. We are all doing our best with what we have. Teenagers are going to be embarrassed by your very presence. This blog is nothing to be ashamed of. You inspire people to be a better version of them selves. That is never a bad thing.
Mum of 5 from Australia.
Screw them Kelle. Your space, your blog, your family. Write what you want. These people have nothing better to do then troll the internet and leave stupid comments on other people’s websites. If they had any talent, they’d have their own blogs that we could visit and leave “constructive” comments for them. As for your kids, by the time they are teenagers the last thing they and their friends will care about is “mom’s old web diary”. Just remember to walk ten feet behind them when they are at the mall with their friends. I kinda dig your rainbow, glitter space. Rock on
This made me cry. Lainey is so much like my son Liam. He always wants to be perfect and sometimes won’t even try things because he is afraid of doing something wrong. When you talked about Lainey crying it totally made me think of Liam. He tries so hard to keep the tears back but they inevitably come. I love the way you handled the situation with Lainey. I know as a mom it had to be hard to not run to her rescue but you did the right thing and she will be happier for it. Sometimes as moms we have to just step back and let them make mistakes and feel a little uncomfortable because that is how they learn.
Great comment, Mimi. I agree 1000%.
Kelle, it’s perfectly obvious that you are a good person and a wonderful mother. Don’t squander your energy by responding to gadflies. The zip, zap, zop post was lovely, as is your whole blog.
Illegitimi non carborundum!
Jason Kingsley is a young man with Down Syndrome who not long ago cowrote a book with a friend who also happens to have DS. His mother was a writer, may still be, for Sesame Street and she included him in many of the episodes back in the 70’s. Did she exploit him as well for monetary gain? Perhaps we can say that she wanted more viewers and more ratings so she used him. Also if you google his name, images come up for him as well. Lo and behold there is a picture of a child wearing just a bib and eating cake. More exploitation? Did kids harass him growing up because his mother “exposed” him on tv. Let’s be real, this website is most likely not going to cause Lainey grief growing up. Tidbits of life are shared but I don’t see why these innocent story would cause her so much grief she will have a mental breakdown. I have an 8 year old daughter. I know that the things I share about her she is okay with, I also know what is not okay to share. She lets me know. I am sure Lainey will let her mom know when she doesn’t want her to share things but this does not strike me as a child who is traumatized by life and her parents. Also that “I read that Brett doesn’t work” comment. Did he or Kelly confirm that for you? I read that people with Downs have difficult natures. Hmm turns out it’s not true at all. I guess you can’t read all you believe. So much worrying for the bullying Lainey might face, figures that would be so prevalent on the minds of those who bully on this site on a consistent basis.
Dear Kelle,
I’m a frequent reader, but not much of a commenter. I understand that this is not solicited in any way, but as a person who was trained and worked as a writer and who has spent many hours critiquing the work of others, I’d like to offer some insight.
Writing is a vulnerable business. A writer places their work out there for many to critique. As we are all different, our opinions are different. Many readers will fully support a writer’s work while others firmly do not. Most readers fall somewhere in the middle. The most vocal of critics tend to fall in each end of a vast spectrum meaning you receive high praise along with strong distain. That can be confusing and insulting.
Criticism of non-fiction writing, especially writing that involve personal stories, is probably the most difficult for a writer because readers are not only commenting on a writer’s work, but that writer’s life, decisions and family.
That said, I can understand why you became upset yesterday. However, if you look at this with the fortune of hindsight, you may find that many people were simply trying to begin a discussion about the potential ramifications of placing photos of and stories about children on the internet to a wide audience. Many of your readers look to you as a person who is experienced and knowledgeable in this regard and possibly were trying to solicit advice from you and/or have you begin or mediate a discussion about these issues.
As you yourself stated, social media is relatively new and no one is quite sure what the implications may be, but I do feel it is a worthy discussion.
Sincerely,
Christine
First time commenter here. I blog and I recently shared a story of how my 10 month old hated her first baby music class. She sunk into herself and I felt horrible for putting her in the position to feel that way, even though I thought she would love it. I regret sharing the story on my blog because her feelings matter to me, even at 10 months old. I feel like you put your children out there and the lighthearted stories you share are harmless enough, but sharing intimate and private shortcomings is going to come back and bite you when Lainey is older. I also wonder how much say your children have in how much their images are shared on social media. They will never have their own identity because they only have the identity you created for them and the world is just a google click away from pigeonholing them into certain categories (Lainey being painfully shy, for instance). What if she’s just tired of everything being documented? She’s plenty old enough to understand. You’re their protector and you aren’t protecting any of your children by blatantly exploiting their emotions online. It makes me sad to see her struggles being played out online for page views. You can lump me in the asshole catagory if you’d like, but I loved your blog when it dealt with motherhood and your own struggles, not the struggles of your innocent children. That’s their story to tell when they choose to tell it. You’re taking that away from them.
Dear fans,
Please stop misusing the word “bullying”. The many respectful, thoughtful, and tactful comments on this page do not qualify as bullying just because they also do not qualify as ass kissing.
By repeatedly using this word to describe a difference in opinion or an attempt to open someone’s eyes to something they may not see, you are downplaying the severity of true bullying. This isn’t it.
@LW, the bullying word is directed to those who do say spiteful things, I’m sure you wont’ pretend that spiteful comments are not left at times. If you don’t fall into this category and only leave “constructive” comments than do not consider yourself addressed by the word “bully”.
Carolita- okay, I’ll bite and tell you why Jason Kingsley is nothing like Lainey, Nella, and Dash. Jason Kingsley probably spent no more than a few days of his life taping episodes of Sesame Street. The Hampton Children’s images and private lives are put on the internet for public consumption every day. Every single day. Of their entire lives. This particular blog post was particularly of concern to me because it is just something so private for Lainey that she deserves to be able to keep private. But she has no say. It’s voyeuristic. Baby pictures are one thing, but Lainey is getting older and this needs to stop until she is 18 and can give her consent to every aspect of her life being made public. Who knows what kind of emotional or mental damage this will all cause her in the future. Does Kelle care about that at all? Kelle, I wish you’d address this, or at least please oh please think about this. And also, Jason Kingsley earning some money for his family by appearing on Sesame Street a few times? Eh, that is not the same situation as the Hampton children at all. They are the sole source of income for this family. It’s just not right.
Like I said earlier, Kelle, I really enjoyed your blog, and I’d love to continue to enjoy it. I just think it is time to let Lainey “retire” and have her life be her own and private from now on. Probably Nella too at this point. I’d love to see more of a focus on crafty stuff or what have you. I think you’d be awesome at that and I’d gladly keep following you! Although, the whole “asshole” thing did disenchant me a bit, I have to say…
To the poster who said children don’t have time to look up information on each other on the internet and use it to tease each other- completely untrue.
I am a middle school teacher, cyber-bullying is serious and kids today are social media experts. There was an intervention in my classroom just this week (seventh graders) where one student was targeted by a group of girls who found something out about her on the internet I won’t disclose here. They posted it to facebook and each of the six girls had this info and photos of the girl being bullied saved to their smartphones. They were texting them to other students so this child’s private information and the digital harassment was occurring before they even got on school grounds and without having to VERBALLY speak a word. The girl was devastated. Don’t be naive about what kids can and will do with social media.
Monica that’s actually kind of scary. Kelle I don’t think (for the most part) any of us are trying to attack you, I think the other comment above was right when she said that people are trying to start a discussion, that this place is more of a community of mothers who are trying to figure things out. Society as a whole makes mistakes (we have a photo of my mother in law smoking in the maternity ward of the hospital in the 70’s!!) and then society changes. Social media is really young, it’s basically the age of most first graders. Now that those children are reaching the age of reason it’s starting to open up some questions about the consequences of sharing so much about them. When they are babies it’s hard to ever imagine them in those situations, but it’s very likely. Most of us started our blogs as a way to share with grandparents and friends, but when they go beyond that reach it can put our kids at risk. I was actually writing about that in my blog just last week because it’s only just starting to dawn on me that we might all be making a big mistake and should maybe be taking more precautions.
Kelle I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to share your joyful moments and experiences with other mothers, I just think that maybe including the last names of the kids might be a safety and privacy issue in the long run. If I could start over I would have done blog only nicknames for the kids on mine. I changed my pinterest and twitter accounts to be my screen name instead of my real name when more than just my friends and family started reading my blog.
Loved this, your Lainey reminds me so much of my middle girl. I lived this experience many times. My girl is still not as out going as her sisters but she’s finding her way. Thanks for sharing.
Love this — Lainey reminds me of my oldest. She’s tender hearted, and a perfectionest, my S is. But as a Mom, sometimes whats hardest to do {nudging them forward when they just want to run} is just what they need. And what I needed to hear, clearly, was that last line: the hardest lessons to teach are the ones we are still working on ourselves. My love cup is running over!
Wow, such negativity over a beautifully written post. I loved this story, it brought tears to my eyes envisioning having the same conversation with my little girl someday. This is a situation everyone can relate to, and you handled it so gracefully Kelle! You are a good mama, don’t let the haters bring you down!
All I want to say is “you are such a good mom.”
For me this is a customer service issue. Let’s not kid ourselves. What started as a lovely journal of a young mother’s family and life has exploded into a lucrative business since Nella’s birth. Many posts are sponsored, direct to other small businesses &/or publications that earn her money. That is great for Kelle and her family. Admittedly, I did not see all the comments. And God knows Kelle has more than her fair share of trolls It is really disgusting what purportedly grown women are comfortable posting. But, not every comment was rude, disrespectful, or inappropriate. Some were genuinely dimple question. I imagine it gets harder to see that that through the haze of hate that seems to permeates her space.
But lumping everyone together and calling them assholes was childish and lousy customer service. Every time I click on her blog or a link on her blog Kelle makes money. So that response is no different than walking up to the customer service counter at Target, asking a reasonable question and being called an asshole. You are in the business if doling out parenting advice. You have made a brand of motherhood. YOU started the dialogue. Filter the trolls Kelle and really look at some of these comments that were deleted. They really weren’t all bad.
I have no opinion on your parenting. I come here because your kids are cute. You are very creative. Your pictures inspire me in my efforts to take better ones myself. Your temper tantrum, however does not help your brand.
You have a right to respond to critics who spew garbage in the space where you earn a living. But tantrums like this one hurt your brand.
Beautiful story and beautiful reaction from Lainey. You’re a great mama and I miss your sweet family. And good lord re: the criticism. Should no one read memoirs because family events are discussed?? Books have long lives too, hopefully just as long as the internets. A family story is a family story, and this one has positive lessons and beautiful moments. Keep your head up mama and give Lainey a hug from aunt Meg!!