i used to dance with her in the living room to this song when she was tiny. all six-and-a-half pounds of her, curled up in the crook of my arm so that her heavy little head nuzzled right into my neck and i could kiss the top of her silky hair and inhale her sweet baby smell. and i couldn’t imagine her ever growing bigger than that moment.

but she did.

she’s just getting very, very big, and i’m realizing that on a very, very deep level lately.

and so it is, when we have a day like this where i can just really be with her, i end up somewhat like i am tonight. looking at her baby books, spooning next to her sweet jammied body a little longer than usual before i let her sleep peacefully on her own…contemplatining motherhood and everything it means.

there is so much i want to do in life and so many dreams i have…
…but if being her mom is the only thing i got to do, i’d still be satisfied. i’d still feel fulfilled.

our date day was simply divine.

croissants and coffee at panera (and a cinnamon crunch bagel which is basically baked sin with sugar on top)…where pups joined us for a bite to eat, lainey flashed me her devilishly cute smile (which, i think is her way of saying, ‘this is fun, mom, isn’t it?’), and i just sipped and watched her and informed my past self…the one that held that sleeping newborn and never thought she’d get bigger…that yes, she’ll get bigger. and you won’t believe how fast it will happen.

then, to the bookstore to putz and read and play. …and drool over eloise in paris which is full of absolutely delicious dialogue. i didn’t want to spend the seventeen dollars on it…so i searched ebay later only to find a first edition for….sixteen hundred dollars. seventeen’s not lookin’ so bad.

what’s a mommy/baby date without a self-portrait, eh?

and after a quick trip home…we grand-finaled our day with a heap of uber-delicious ice-cream, a nice smattering of sprinkles and a warm waffle cone.

if i had a dollar for every stranger that went ga-ga for her frog boots…i’d have a heck of a lot of dollars.

lainey love…i love you so much my heart hurts.

lest you think i was going to leave my sister’s tatas up there forever…
behold. a new post.

and enough of this creative inspiration thing…i come from an overly creative family…which has its blessings. but then when i’m not actually trying desperately to fall back asleep at three in the morning because i keep waking up with creative ideas…i feel like something must be wrong.

…and i think my biggest problem these days has been lack of sleep. my sister and i burned the midnight oil far too many nights in a row, and these past couple days i’ve caught up. actually slept for twelve straight hours last night.

and then in between all that…we went to the park, we had a picnic in the yard and we made a fabulous dinner last night. like, real cookbooks…and ingredients you can’t find at your run-of-the-mill grocery. yeah…that kind of dinner.

~pork tenderloin marinated in apple cider vinegar and spices
~mediterranean salad with capers, feta, sumac, grape tomatoes, romaine, fresh basil, olive oil, lime juice and italian seasoning
~spinach rolls with toasted pine nuts, ricotta and feta rolled in phyllo
~lemon polenta cake with pouring cream

oh divinity. and we wore aprons.

and the blessedness continues…

(looking for airplanes…they do that…all the time)

today is just a me & cubby day…and i’m thrilled with all the possibilities. i am entering a new phase of love for her. can’t explain it…trying to figure it out myself…but it’s deep and beautiful and i think i’m beginning to realize what it’s going to be like to know her, love her and be her friend and mama all at the same time.

…enjoying the new day things. ~k

or, less to do with creative ignition and more to do with photogenic sister. either way…my camera enjoyed the challenge.