to my jo-jo…
i wear her apron today. the fact that you gave it to me makes me feel so loved. i think of her when i wear it…and of you…and of what it must feel like to live without a mother whom you loved so much. i wish i knew you better ten years ago on this day. i would have held your hand. i would have cried with you. and i wish i could have known her…the woman who gave me my friend. i think i’ll make a cake tonight. yes, i will make a cake. and i will wear glady’s apron when i make it. i love you.

to all those i love that do not have their mothers with them…big hugs.

…where she just makes me stop whatever I’m doing and drink her in…her long lashes…her wispy blond hair…her pouty lips…her milky skin. And I realize…this moment right here will fade. Five, ten, twenty years from now, I will ache to have it back, to touch this baby again, to see this face. And so I close my eyes and hold her close just for a little longer…for my future self would want me to.

…thankful today for my camera and lenses…without them, I wouldn’t be able to capture her in her essence…my photos are my most cherished keepsakes so that years from now, when my heart is aching for her littleness, I can remember just what it was like.

You are my sunshine, Cubby.

no more shlepping. no more craziness. we’re back to normalcy–me and you, girl. i love to watch you in this new toddler phase…the wonder, the learning, the becoming-who-you-are.

we played with crayons today…mommy wants you to be an artist because being creative and artistic has brought me so much joy and always makes me happy…i want you to have that too. but, i think you’re a little young yet…cuz you ate the crayons.

so we switched to puzzles…and i was amazed watching the little “cogs” in your brain turn…you figured out which shapes fit and which shapes didn’t. but then you ate the shapes too. that’s okay. you are an explorer…and you can figure this stuff out however you want to.

p.s. no pressure on the walking…i like my crawling cubby. and daddy says he’ll be sad when you quit doing that thing where you think you’re cool and do the speedy crawl.

p.p.s. did i tell you i love you today? i think i did…but just once more…i love you.

love, mommy

oh, i forgot to tell you…your eyes are going greeny on me. i thought a blue-eyed baby would be divine, but never thought i’d get one. green-eyed? now, that was just too good to be true, so i didn’t even let myself get that dreamy. whadya know…i got me a green-eyed baby. you’s beautiful, cubby…but that’s not why i love you.