I am an eternal optimist, but I like to think, as a good persuasive argument paying recognition to an antithesis confirms even more the intended point, my optimistic philosophy is likewise strengthened when I give room for what can sometimes be a disheartening reality. I try to balance my self-reflection somewhere between laziness and annoying hyperstimulation, so I hope this comes out as I intend…somewhere in the comfortable waters of “I’m treading, I’m figuring this out, I’m doing what works for me.”
I see the good and talk about the good and my outlook fits me like a well-tailored suit, allowing me to use my strengths and yet paving the way for growth from the not-so-pretty times. Likewise, I know and love and respect others with different philosophies and have had discerning moments of clarity from their sometimes more dismal perspectives. Because sometimes life is hard and reality does suck and ignoring that fact does not give room for the progress and production that can come from those moments.
While progress comes most naturally for me from expressing gratitude and painting strokes of vibrant color where I can, when more painful moments come–and they do–I want to pay appropriate attention to what they can teach me. Sometimes when anxiety or discomfort or that throat-constricting sadness arrives, I want to heave it along like a hot potato that doesn’t belong amongst the yellows and ceruleans I aim to create. But gray has a beauty all in its own. Gray is purposeful too, and while I may instinctively attempt to quickly fold it and stash it away, I am learning to first run my hands along its threads and find the beauty in cold and calm as well as warm and spirited.
With that unnecessarily long disclaimer, I think it is only fair I pull out the gray I folded up earlier this week and let it have its moment too.
My dad tried to keep it from me, but he finally felt he needed to share a rough week he had at work last week. He spent every day visiting a 50-year-old woman who had come to the hospital from a group home, and her health slowly deteriorated until she died on Friday. She was alone and incoherent. She had Down syndrome. My dad said he spent an inordinate amount of time with her. She became a favorite and he spent many hours sitting with her, talking with her, even though she did not understand. He gave her a stuffed animal. But still, she was only 50. Alone, unresponsive, and she did not make it.
And here’s the deal. Life expectancy still scares the hell out of me. I know things have changed and individuals with Down syndrome are living much longer now. I am hopeful, and today is really all that matters–and today is good–but somewhere there is a part of us that hopes every day that, no matter what, our kids will outlive us. It’s a parent’s greatest unwritten plea. And knowing that I have scientific data that increases the likelihood that I will hold her hand before she holds mine made me really, really sad this past weekend.
I held the hot potato, I felt the burns, I cried and used it to fuel me. I am at peace now and am grateful for our very beautiful right now. I will not dwell on tomorrow, for it is unknown and filled with voids. Today is quite the contrary. Today is good. And I write not for sympathy or to ignite a discussion of optimism vs. pessimism but simply to slap a valid antithesis among “enjoying the small things.” It makes the small things even better.
Which is why I’m completely geeked about my spontaneous decision to redo my bathroom this weekend on a very tight budget. The challenge thrills me. And while I actually considered painting the walls a languid gray–because gray is good too–I have settled for a vibrant, crazy aubergine. To thine own self be true.
Life is sometimes hard. Reality sometimes sucks. But most of the time? Most of the time, it’s amazing.
Like these wicked cute reversible bibs? Brooklyn Bib Shop is giving away a quilted bib/burp cloth set to a random commenter on today’s post. But wait…
With the yin and yang of discomfort and joy, I want to know more. While I’ve made peace with my gray this week and am finding joy in a can of Inkberry #73RB, tell me briefly…what’s your “gray” this week, be it large or small…and what little happy is bringing you color?
wonderchris says
I’m digging fall oranges!!! YUM!!! The color, the juicy juice of the plump fruit – pure joy!
The Macons says
That pic of nella in the floor where you can see her teeth is so cute! I’m liking deep deep reds these days
RM @ LMMP says
Those bibs are adorable and I can’t wait to see the bathroom make over.
I am doing a color makeover in our family room and am super nervous and on a tight budget as well. 🙂
LEF says
My gray is certainly my mom passing away but, as always, my kids bring color…. big, beautiful vibrant rainbows of color.
abigail says
I was a nanny to a baby boy with Down Syndrome this summer, and the thoughts of life expectancy made me sad too…I know it’s very different from being a parent, but I can relate on some level. All I know is that we are here, it is now, and we have to enjoy it while we can.
Tracey- TropicalHappiness.com says
My gray this week? Well… I’m lucky to say I don’t have any gray this week. I often do, but this week has been pretty great with a girls’ night happy hour on a Tuesday, and a promotion today! A day off tomorrow to volunteer! And a birthday next week. It has been a good, colorful few days for me.
I agree with you– you have to focus on the tough times to really understand them and learn from them. But they shouldn’t consume you. Because that is when you start to reflect the “gray” in your everyday life.
I can’t begin to understand the fears you have with down syndrome and Nella, but it sounds like you are living for today which is so very important.
Your Wedding Hostesses says
My throat constricted at your words because I have 4 boys to worry about and every day I make them promise to outlive me. Is that too much to ask?
My grey this week comes from being a working mom and hardly getting to spend any time with them….but my COLOR is coming from the at-home business I just launched and the hope that very soon I’ll be able to meet my sons at the bus stop and hear all about their day!
p.s. My lovely officemate is newly pregnant and would love those bibs!
Joel and Martha says
My gray….well I’m no cook and I had a meeting with all these stay at home moms….my bacon and cheese muffins may sound yummy..but they were dry and blah. UP SIDE: my hubby loved them and whipped up a gravy for them last night and ate and ate and ate! 🙂 Gray is there to make the colors look even better.
Harky's Soulmate says
My grey this week—I am on a business trip with my hubby and my daughter. She and I are sitting in a hotel room and all I can think about is the mounds of boxes at home that need to be unpacked. She is 8.5 months and I will miss this time when she was little and carefree. So, I guess instead of being upset that we are here, I should enjoy this time with her. I will miss this!
Thanks Kelle for reminding me that even when things look grey, there is something colorfull lurking near by!
Catherine (WA in PA) says
There will always be moments like these, and that fear will never leave you. But, she’ll never be alone and you won’t either. The whole world holds your heart on our sleeves.
Gina says
My “gray” has been this little cold I have that really shouldn’t be a big deal – but being pregnant and not being able to medicate it is really taking a toll on me! But I know, it could be worse.
My happy is feeling movement here in week 15 – I forgot what “flutters” felt like. Makes me smile. 🙂
Rachel says
Love the bibs!!! Very cute!
Gray? The waiting I am doing to find out if I got into the nursing program I applied to. I applied in July and they are suppose to let us know early November.
Colors? My dogs and looking forward to celebrating my 1 year anniversary with my husband
Lynsie says
My grey is AGAIN being out of money before the month even starts, despite my apparently unsuccessful attempts at budgeting. My family is adding the colors to my life, though. I called my mother to gripe about money and she made me feel hopeful and loved and gave me the reds, golds, and royal blues I needed to get through today!
clarita says
my gray this week is being far, far, faraway from my wonderful niece…BUT the colours of my life this week is being able to teach a room full of lil’ people here in HI…AND i’ll soon be reunited with my niece at the end of this week so the colours of my life are just getting brighter and brighter 🙂
Alex and Kristi says
My gray would have to be that my husband is still trying to find a job. It is so hard only having one income but then I have to remember that he is at home taking care of our precious baby and that is the most important job he could have.
Kate says
those bibs are precious! my future sisters-in-law are both pregnant right now and i would love to share one with them 🙂
gray is beautiful.
Becky at lifeoutoffocus says
My gray this week was getting news that my heart is mildly enlarged and that I have some valve leakage. I couldn’t help but wonder if it would get worse and then my mind drifted to me being too sick to care for my girls. I hate it when my mind wanders to things that will probably never happen but then again…you never know. Anyway, after I had those thoughts I got out my camera much like you and took pictures of them. I take pictures of my girls almost everyday and really, it’s my only saving grace. That and spending time with family. Trick or treating…costume parties. That was my color this week in the midst of the gray phone call I got from my doctor.
Mommy B says
Beautiful post. The fear of losing one of my girls keeps me up at night at least a few times a year – I think it’s unhealthy to keep that fear in all the time.
My gray these days is that I’ve gone back to work part-time and I miss my girls somethin’ terrible when I’m there. The colorful lining there is that I appreciate my days with them that much more when I am home.
Good luck with the bathroom!
Sarah says
Wow you really got me with this one…not sure why, but before I could really grasp it a few tears fell. Maybe because I’m holding my beautiful little girl in my arms as I read this and can’t imagine living one moment without her in my life.
Gray? No gray this week..I dyed it on Sunday. And I turned thirty yesterday so life is good. Life is great!
Amy says
Our school levy failed yesterday and I may be out of a job next year…
jessica says
my grey this week?
that EVERYONE I know is pregnant (even my arch nemesis) EXCEPT for me.
my color?
i don’t have morning sickness. i get to sew everyday. i have a pirate themed baby shower i am throwing and it’s is so much fun planning and decorating for it.
Patti says
I think my gray runs along the same lines as yours…I have also run into some many mamas in the blogosphere who are watching their little ones with ds battle leukemia. I hate odds. So I try to ignore them. But sometimes the odds of babies with ds and leukemia scare the crud out of me.
But my COLOR this week? Lily just started hand feeding herself- and that little milestone just took me to the moon and back with joy.
P.S. Thank you for your kind comments on her blog:)
P.P.S. I love Nella’s blond wisps..she gets prettier every day!
Cathy says
My gray … in this post on my blog.
http://everyday-gifts.blogspot.com/2010/11/senior-night-and-treasures-of-heart.html
I teared up again this morning as I saw the flowers on my counter. So not ready for the end of this era.
Chelsea says
Nella is getting cuter every day! Such a good post. The bibs are adorable! My sister would love them. Her baby is a week past due!
Emilie says
My gray was expecting something big that didn`t happen…and my color is my puppy Leo 🙂
Jennifer says
Hmmm, interesting choice of words this post, Kelle! I read it twice – to ingest it as much as it deserves.
“My grey” (this week – and for much of my last several months) is pain… Pain in my hip and shoulder, pain in my neck – resinating from my shoulder. I look at pain as “mind over matter” – something that you have to convince yourself to breathe through – something that you feel more when you allow yourself….
“My color” usually comes from my kiddos, “my time” at the gym (which has been slacking), or conquering kick booty savings on groceries (simple things, really).
However, repainting a room in my house sounds like fun…but might cause me neck pain. Maybe I’ll settle for hanging pictures on my sons wall – the ones that have been sitting on his closet floor for months now.
KellyLane says
I have been reading your blog since Nella was born. While I enjoy your musings about how wonderful life is, it is also important to read about the hard stuff too. Thank you for sharing! After all, if we didn’t have the valleys how could we appreciate the peaks?
Kathleen says
I’m struggling to come up with a gray for my week, which is good. I’m not going to keep thinking because if nothing is jumping out and screaming at me, there is no need to dig something up.
There was a rainbow of color in my living room last night when on an ordinary Tuesday, my son and I decided to have “movie night”. It was wonderful. Popcorn, jammies, blankets, cuddles, and the cutest little comments coming from a 2 year old’s mouth.
Here’s to more rainbows of color for the remainder of the week.
The Johnsons says
My sister-in-law’s brother dying of a drug overdose this week. In times like these it makes me cherish everything I have in life, especially my family, friends and health. His death has put things into perspective and makes me think twice when I get frustrated over the little things when in reality, they are nothing compared to a mother, father and sister losing their son/little brother at such a young age. I am grateful for all that life has giving me and am reminded time and time again to never take advantage of it.
pakosta says
dear kelle,
you are a beautiful soul, your blog brings me much joy.
your girls bright happy faces and colorful photos give me a boost to face my day!
thank you for this post.
it’s so real, emotional.
your girl is amazing and I can’t wait to see what she grows up to be, I know her life has touched many and I am sure it will touch many many more.
I know she has certainly reached deep down into my heart and brought me peace & joy.
love, tara
Amber says
My “gray” this week has come in ALOT of shades…alot. From a relative running away from a marriage to a 4 foot snake being found in my 3 yr olds bedroom! But the darkest gray is my Dad being very very sick and today we turned off his defibrillator so that when its his time, he will go peaceful… Oh the grays have taken me over this week.
But, when the day is over, I go home to my family of four and just drink them in because they are my rainbow of colors!
Mrs. Werginz says
You are such a great writer!
My gray this week is the lack of communication with Karl’s best friend and his wife. We all get along but I am the one who has to plan and it makes me sad.
My color is that I get to see my 7 month old nephew George this weekend. I haven’t seen him since mid September(I normally see him 2 times a month so its been hard). I am just excited for my sis, BIL, and George to come over to Atlanta this weekend!
Two Hearts, One Love says
My gray is the passing of my Grandma this weekend, and the fear that I could die the same way, but the color-purple her favorite, was everywhere the day we celebrated her life!
Katy says
Oh goodness, you just brought tears to my eyes. I have the same fears for my little guy with DS. My gray this week has been my struggle with depression, but my color has been amazing friends.
Sandy says
My gray this week came from worrying about finances and thinking I may have to go back to work.
My color came one morning when I realized, while my baby girl was smiling happily at her big sister as she danced around the room, that no amount of money is worth more than the moments that I spend with my 6 amazing kids. We WILL get by!
sk says
Thank you for your blog, I love it! And, those bibs are adorable.
My little bit of gray this week (and I actually really like gray! I live in Florida too and by the end of the summer I’m ready for a few gray days!) is disappointment over the election outcomes, along with some unidentified uneasiness about the future….but the things bringing me joy? Let’s see… pizza night! new (to me) episodes of 30 Rock and The Office, and an upcoming trip to Orlando to visit my nephew!
Teresa says
Gray – Going back to work after maternity leave and having to leave my baby at the sitter’s.
Color – Going back to work and feeling like I am good at something again. My 3 year old is kicking my butt and I feel like a horrible mama right now. I know I am good nurse and I do that job. Mothering is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.
Love the bibs.
Young and Fabulous says
my gray is not knowing what I want in life. I’m a recent college grad with a new “real life, real salary” job! I love my job, but I don’t know where I will be in life and it scares me!
The colors of my life include knowing that whatever is going on in my life, I still have wednesday night trivia to look forward to with my bests…nachos, beer, and laughs as we try to scramble for answers. Life is good
Jessie says
The beautiful thing about life is that you never, ever know what it will bring you. Do what you do, and keep living in the moment. The times you have with your beautiful daughters will fuel you through to whatever may come.
Happy Hump Day 🙂
Michelle says
My grey is wondering if my husband will lose his job this week and my color is the friends I can share this with. The friends that will laugh, cry and pray with me no matter what 🙂
j210209 says
This was such an honest and beautiful post. I love the relationship you have with words and photos and how you weave them together.
My gray? I’m going through alot of anxiety problems at the moment and it affects my every waking moment. A few weeks ago I hit rock bottom and I’m trying to crawl my way back out. Your blog is helping me so much and for that I thank you.
My gorgeous 20 month old son is definitely my colour though. No matter how anxiety ridden I am he can bring a smile to my face without even trying too. 🙂
Ash says
My gray this week is that my hubby lost his job and we are expecting a baby in April. But my color and excitement is that we are expecting a baby in April even when we were told by doctors we wouldn’t be able to have kids. I know things will work out for us and that the hubby will find a new job. Until then it’s just learning to appreciate the grays in life while anxiously awaiting the colors. 🙂
Shana says
This post made me cry…when you talked about holding Nella’s hand before she holds yours..
I feel lucky to say that I don’t have any gray this week (even though we are in the middle of potty training our 2 year old and my husband might disagree…actually I guess I have a lot of yellow!)…
My bright colored rainbow is holding my 6 week old little man and loving being home with my babes and watching my big “gill” being a big sister to her new little brother, it’s amazing and is full of color! My son’s name is Liam and his big sister Lily says “I wuv you Weeum”…she can’t say her L’s – how cute is that!
I love the bathroom color! And wouldn”t mind a bib for my little guy!
Daina says
My gray this week is feeling like some of my students are not listening to what I say, and that they do not understand how much I love them and want them to learn! But bright colors were brought back quickly when one of those same kids brought me his full size, not snack size, Kit Kat from trick or treating. My heart melted.
On another note, I love love love those bibs, being a teacher in Brooklyn and resident of NYC! I will definitely check them out.
Thank you for your inspirational words always. Your daughters are beautiful!
Kate says
My gray today is more like a thunderstorm…my Mom who is my hero and best friend was just diagnosed with cancer yesterday. I’m not quite ready to hold that hot potato yet.
My colour is that she is facing this with the same grace she faces every hurdle.
Also, tomorrow my husband and I leave on a long awaited trip to Cyprus to celebrate his 40th birthday.
It has been one roller coaster of a week.
Becca says
I try not to think of the life expectancy issue, and just blindly convince myself that times are different now for our kids, that medicine, services and social development and stimulation have evolved enough to protect them. The other thing I try not to think about is early onset Alzheimer’s. I’m *completely* in denial about that one, especially since both of my grandmothers had it. *sigh* Feeling your gray today. Know that you’re not alone, and that we all feel that. We’re allowed.
Siobhan says
My gray is my job. It is sucking the life from me and I’m tortured by my sweet little one growing up with her daycare provider. I know I’m her mama but I just feel like there is so much more to life and I know I’m going to be looking back on these days and regretting the times I lost with her.
My color of course is my bug. She is my world.
Argh! And you chose Fix Me! This song gets me everytime. Thanks for the cry! At work no less!
p.s. I love those bibs! My daughter has a Brooklyn poster above her changing table and is in awe of it. My mom is from Brooklyn as is my mother in law. We wanted our bug to keep it real!
Mary says
This week must be a cosmic undulation because the grays have been close to my heart in the past couple days as well. In fact it was a similar post I wrote a couple days ago about this very thing. Hard those grays but isn’t it the bitter that makes things sweet? Hoping the rest of your week is all sorts of aubergine (I didn’t even know that color till I read your post :)).
Jessica says
The gray in my week is a sick little newborn and a sick little two year old. But the color is the all day snuggling we do in my bed. Would LOVE those bibs. SO cute!
Minori Family says
My gray this week is that I think my life will drastically change in the new year (for good or for bad…time will tell) and the next 2 months are the holidays, which I love. Trying to make the most of it before the upheaval begins. My birthday is today & that should be my gray but I’m not really feeling it this year. Though I should, 30 is a big one. :o)
notetoself says
My gray is trying to save money to do IVF. My husband and I have been trying for so long to have a child of our own and IVF is the next stop. It’s maddening to me that people with far less money than us get pregnant so easily and we’re having to fight our way every. single. step. of. the. way.
The color is that I see friends of our who have not been married as long as we have resenting each other and their children for not having time alone and time together as a couple. While I hate this road we’re walking down, I’m grateful to be walking down it with the boy I married.
Nanette says
My grey is being 33, through a few different *careers* and not knowing what I want to be “when I grow up.”
My color is my beautiful daughter and wonderful husband.
Becca says
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elisabeth A. says
My gray this week… my hubby got laid off on Monday and we have our first daughter due in six weeks! But when I think about her sweet cheeks and tiny baby toes and the piles of pink ruffles I get to dress her in- everything is alright.
Thank you for being so uplifting and seeing the positive in life. Even when it’s hard to see past the grays.
Chickenbells says
During a slow business week, I’ve enjoyed really taking the time to design a window display. Cleaning, fussing, fluffing, and really stepping back and enjoying being in the middle of creating.
Lindsey says
My gray is the fact that I constantly struggle with feeling like I am not good enough at this mom thing. Some days I feel burnt out and others I feel overwhelmed.
But my color is my sweet 7 month old who is thriving and reassures me that I am doing a good job. Her smile makes me feel like supermom some days especially when my husband comes home to a clean house, a happy baby, and a happy mommy.
Smooshie says
Interesting that you’re using colors to describe your moods, as I’m synesthetic so I’m surrounded by color, both tangible and not, all the time. My gray this week is sleep deprivation… not because of my three month old who wakes only once a night, but because of my two year old who is suffering from night terrors something fierce. Today has been an especially rough day. But the color in my life is also because of my children, who bring me more joy than I could have ever imagined simply by giving me a smile or saying “I lub you, Mommy”.
Mama Ezra says
My uncle who was basically a grandfather to me died this week. He left me 20% of his inheritence. The gray part of this is that I can already see hyenas coming out of the wood work. I need to enjoy the small things, just remember him being such an important part of my childhood and not think about the rest.
MWD says
Great post! My “grey” started out grey but turned into a wonderful shade of yellow. I thought that I was pregnant and found out that I wasn’t. I thought this would make me sad and at first it did but then I looked at my daughter and realized that I’m already complete. While I would have welcomed a new little into my heart with the gusto that I have with my sweet daughter, realizing that I was just as happy to not be pregnant made me realize that I am complete.
And the thought of losing her, absolutely kills me. It’s something that none of us mothers can ever fathom.
Jocelyn says
The gray – Finding out my sister-in-law lost the heartbeats of both her twin fetuses. The vibrant – A friend who struggled for years to get pregnant is giving birth to her first little today.
Brad and Mallory says
My gray this week has to do with the fact that I cannot control how people act towards me or my family. And no matter how hard I try to get them to see the err of their ways, it doesn’t help.
BUT my color is that I know what God wants from His children and all I can do is strive to be that and pray for those around me.
Can’t wait to see the bathroom makeover! I’m thinking of doing some painting soon myself.
The Whites says
I love the bibs. You can’t beat 2 bibs in 1!!!
I love all the sweet photos of your little ones.
Corlines says
My gray and color are the same story. A beloved coworker’s grandson had a seizure in school. He had an MRI and after the scan, the doc speculated that due to the symptoms leading up to this seizure that it was likely a tumor. He’s 7. My gosh.
Well, the color is that she just called me to say the scan was clear! That news doesn’t fix the broken, but it’s a step in the right direction. Hooray for little victories.
Jan says
Sadly, my gray is loosing my biggest cheerleader, my dad, 5 yrs ago tomorrow. But the joy my 12 yo triplets bring me is the total opposite of the sadness. They were my dad’s joy too.
Jan
http://www.teensandtriplets.com
Erin says
Kelle, as always, your writing surfaces those deep-down raw emotions…both the colorful ones and the not-so-colorful ones. I appreciate the exercise of the heart I get when I come to visit you 🙂
My gray this week is that I am seven weeks pregnant. I hate that number. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about a year. Twice since Janauary, I have lost my baby in the seventh week. I am terribly afraid of going through a third miscarriage.
My color this week is that I am seven weeks pregnant!!!! I love this little bean so much and I cannot wait to round the corner of this weekend and make it to week 8!!!
Those bibs would sure make an awesome gift!!!
Thanks for sharing…even when it’s gray.
Sending you love and lots of rainbows…
Ern
Nikki says
Grey makes me happy. While we can ignore it, if we embrace it just a little bit we become prepared. Of course embracing and dwelling are two different things.
Love that bathroom color!
Polly Sumner says
My gray this week is having my family away… loneliness. But the thought they will all be here for the holidays brings me a smile and warms my heart.
Michelle Ott says
This families’ story (they are currently in Florida) was my gray:
http://thematthewsstory.com/
…until I really understood why they are sharing their son’s story. I think they want the rest of us to not only hold our kids tighter, but to be spurned to action. Do something! Make someone’s life better! Give something up; time, money, your carefully constructed “perfect life” and make this world better for someone else. That is my color. The lesson that I needed to learn this week. The energy and fervency that this family loaned me!
LagniappeLove says
I have been following your Blog for almost 6 months now and couldn’t stand not commenting on this post so today I finally signed on.
Your thoughts about Nella are so deep and although I don’t have children… yet…your words bring a reality to me and tears to my eyes.
Please thank your Father, what a blessing he is.
My gray this week would be the puppy I asked my husband to catch from a house I pass every day on the way to and from work. It was so sick and needed put to sleep. It is hard for me to understand how people can let this happen over and over again.
My color is my husband, he knows I cry deep inside for the innocent. He knows I see these things and he sheilds me some and helps with situations that hurt me so much. He is an inspiration.
Jorie says
Grey IS beautiful…your grey pulls on the strings of my heart. It’s the grey for all parents, just heighten in others because of scientific data! But I say screw scientific data…because you are living and loving your life perfectly, in the today!
Everyone has days like this. Kelle, you embrace everything that life throws at you and I cannot even being to tell you how much I admire you! You are inspiring!
Keep loving those babies each day and living your life as wonderfully as you are!
My grey will always be worrying about my babies…and my color will always be thinking about my babies!
I
Southern Gal says
The gray was a friend’s daughter who went missing. The color was finding her almost week later alive!
Callie says
Some of the election results last night made me feel “gray”.
But then…. some of them made me feel “pink” (my happiest hopeful color).
And your blog, even on those days when you share your “gray” make me always feel smiley gooey “pink”.
Thank you for sharing your life and your girls with us all.
catherine(dot)alley(at)gmail(dot)com
Jen says
Kelle – Speaking of color, have you looked closely at Nella’s eyes lately? I’m pretty sure it’s not anything you’re doing in Lightroom/Photoshop, I can see it in three of the pictures from today. Check out the bottom of her left eye (looking at her, it’s the right) – it’s turning. Rich chocolate brown, like Lainey’s (and yours). Making beauty even more beautiful.
K says
I have been reading your blog religiously since the birth of Nella. I was pregnant at the time and now I have my own beautiful child of my own. His name is Braden Michael. My mom’s name is Brenda so we just switched the letters around 🙂 How original, right? Ha ha! Nonetheless, my mom is an amazing person, a great role model, and my best friend and for my son to bear a link to her name, well I can’t see it any other way.
I guess my “gray” this week, which is a very light shade of gray compared to the other grays other people have been facing this week, is my son’s plagiocephaly/brachycephaly. Mild as it is, I worry that it won’t correct itself. This is hidden by the color that my son produces in one little smile…and he smiles a lot!
SalicosFamilyBlog says
Very eloquently said.
The gray of my week – my 10 year old son is throwing up – not because he is sick, but because we moved to a new state and he started a new school and perhaps, his transition hasn’t been as easy as mine….
The color is always, always that we are alive and well and together. Thanks for your posts and for making me appreciate what I have!
Maggie says
I have followed your blog since the birth of my baby girl on January 26, 2010. I also have a 3-year-old son. I have never commented before, but your entry today falls right in line with my week and my mood. And it highlights to me how I gotta get outta this funk.
Lots of shades of grey this week here – close friends with kids the age of mine announcing their divorce, my beloved Grandmother’s pneumonia worsening, my father-in-law’s battle with MS he seems to be losing, a pumpkin being launched through our living room window by troublesome teenagers on Halloween night, rainy cold weather and, of course, bills, bills and more bills.
But, the wonderful fuzzy moss green color in my life today comes from playing tag indoors with my hilarious little boy (who is still dressed up in his T. Rex Halloween costume) while toting his sweet little baby sister (who is wearing baby blue jeans – so cute) on my hip.
And maybe this will give you a little bit of perhaps a nice orange sherbet color – my great aunt and uncle are in their 90s, and their son with Down Syndrome is in his 60s. They remain healthy and happy and together.
Jena says
My gray this week is my fiance not getting the job of his dreams. I know God has a different plan for him but I still feel his every aching pain.
The color in my life is knowing that things will work themselves out for the best. AND….we are going to Mexico next week! I guess my color will come from my red MARGARITAS!! cheers!
Juzz says
im looking forward to seeing the before and afters of your bathroom, I need some inspiration myself!
Kelly says
My gray this week is the realization that my father whom passed away three weeks ago isn’t coming back. And I miss him terribly. But my happy comes knowing that he is looking down on us and he sees just how full of love our home is. Just as full as his arms were when he was here holding my two little girls. And each night when they go to bed, they wrap themselves in their blankies and I know that his love is wrapped up super tight in there with them.
Rock says
My gray this week was my boy coming down with a fever.
My color…keeping him home from school and enjoying the cuddles.
Your girls are so precious. I love your blog.
Sarah
srockney@hotmail.com
Many Titles says
My gray this week seems to be ongoing. It has been around for 2 months now and just won’t seem to go away. But I have had many splashes of color that sometimes clash with gray and make my gray hurt more, but then sometimes those colors compliment the gray and then I see how beautiful it all is. Dealing with the tough moments is all how we see them. Are we looking through a telescope at just the gray or are we looking at the whole picture filled with grays and other colors? I am sure we all have days of looking through the telescope. Thanks for being open to us!
Viridiana says
My gray this week, is having our taxes, mortgage, and what it seems every bill due on the same week.
My color is watching my kids play and laugh with no care in the world. 🙂
Anna Theurer says
First off, excellent photos of your darling girls and I really enjoy reading your blog.
Surprisingly, my grey is similar to yours. My aunt of 52 years has DS and is showing signs of Alzheimers. My daughter Ellie also has Down Syndrome and I become scared that she will either pass before me & the heart ache that comes with that or that I will pass and she will be alone.
My color, knowing that my aunt still has good clear moments, that she was rocking out to the band playing at the Fall Fest this past weekend, and watching my beautiful little girl try to cruise along the furniture for the first time this past week.
Celebrating the grey but always embracing the color.
Devon says
This was a beautiful post!
As someone who has outlived two of her children, it is the worst thing imaginable….But I do treasure the smile things….
And in the midst of gray I find so much color in the smiles and laugther of my two little girls….
Young Family says
After watching a very sad and almost depressing Oprah about a family that lost their three young children in a horrific car accident that made me cry (and I mean sob) my 2 year old daughter woke up from her nap and came to me. She put her hands on my face, looked at my red swollen eyes and said “I love you hun!” Then promptly kissed me on the cheek and hugged me. Then she left to go play with her blocks. That’s my gray and my Inkberry!
Stephanie says
My gray this week is the first payment of my student loan, and feeling like we will never be above the water. My color is that I have an awesome fiancé, who will do whatever he can to provide for us.
Lucy says
Hello all the way from Margate, Kent UK!
My grey this week has been discovering that my son (who is only a fraction younger than your beautiful Nella) has a serious food intolerance that is making him quite poorly. It breaks my heart seeing him looking at food he cant have. He so wants to try it!
My brightest colour this week has been my daughter (who is a little bit older than Lainey!) only eat the foods that her little brother can eat so he doesnt get upset. What a great big sister she is!
I love your blog Kelle! Thank you! xxx
clove's corner says
Your writing just keeps getting better and better; I’m impressed. Also, thanks for sharing the gray, because without it, we wouldn’t have color.
Simply LKJ says
First, thank you for being so candid. My gray-sitting in an ER for hours while my daughter is given IV meds for the worst migraine to date, and praying the cyst on her brain isn’t the cause. The color-I got to spend a lot of quality time with her this past week while she was home sick.
shellycoulter says
Love this post. Thanks for keepin’ it real!
My gray: Frustrated with family drama
My Color: Spending time with my beautiful boys. Letting the dishes and chores go and playing Candyland or Legos. Those are decisions I never regret at the end of the day!
Kelly says
Hi Kelle.
My gray this week has been being blue. I’m sure it’s just the pregancy hormones but I’ve been crying a lot!
Color – I am preganant and very lucky.
Thanks again!
Chelsea says
My gray this week is dealing my marraige following apart and how the divorce will effect my 15 month old son. My Color is my sons Smiling face.
SallyGirl says
My gray? Being completely overwhelmed and a little terrified by the prospect of balancing 19 college credit hours and 2 part time jobs (and still having time with my husband and family.) The bright colors that balance it out? Someone I’ve recently become close to saying, “You’re practically my sister now. You’re more my sister than my real sister.” Gotta love the love. Also my husband’s beautiful smile, which, fortunately, he melts my heart with on a daily basis.
P.S. You and your girls are completely beautiful!
MrsMiller07 says
I’ve been wanting to re-do our master bath ever since we moved into our new house. It needs far to much work to do on our non-existent budget. Please post before and after pics!
My gray this week is being in a new place and not having close friends or family to confide in and have love on my little one.
Megs says
I loved this post. I love reading your blow and I love reading about how optimistic and cheerful you are. But sometimes as I have reflected on your posts and how happy you are amidst the trials you are facing, I feel empty and foolish that I cannot be as strong and optimistic as you are. So this post really touched me by giving me a glimpse of how you choose to deal with reality and move on. Not that you don’t acknowledge the hard things, but you choose to not let it be the focus. And that is what I admire and want to emulate.
My Grey… trying to finish my degree while taking care of my 6month old.
My Color… knowing I’m going to finish my degree!
Jeannett says
This reminds me of Julie’s words in her post:
“I realize now that the months of mourning and grieving are just the dark brushstrokes on the beautiful, wonderful painting that is my life.
The painting that is still so much a mystery, but a wonderful masterpiece that will all make perfect sense when it is completed.”
Gray has purpose. And I believe that it is simply to make the reds and the blues and the greens that much more vibrant. Think of the first scenes of Wizard of Oz…how ASTONISHINGLY bright it all was after coming from the grays of Kansas.
Life is hard. But even more beautiful.
Danielle says
my gray hasn’t surfaced this week – for that I am so very grateful. I fear it hovering somewhere close by w/ my sister taking in two foster kids and opening her heart to them (like I did not so long ago) – I am so afraid for the hurt she will endure if they must leave her and return home. My colors? My colors are my beautiful foster children soon to be my own as the adoption draws to an end. My heart aches to read about your gray. Patti Rice is a dear friend of mine (my sister is married to her oldest son) and I know that she dies a thousand deaths contemplating these things too. ): {{hugs}} We love Nella as if we know her!! Thanks for sharing your heart!
notanillusion says
My gray is a lack of money to the point that it’s distressing, which is frustrating. First paychecks of the month are always tough to get through.
But my colors? My beautiful nephew, who I’m seeing tonight, all 21 months of perfection of him. And my amazing boyfriend, who in response to my request that he say something sweet to me, texted me this: You mean like reminding you that you make my life better simply by being in it? You make me smile every time I see you. You make me laugh because of the joy you get from life, even the smallest things like S’more goldfish.
They’re my sunshines and grapes and all colors in between!
Matt and Teresa says
I love reading your blog. Thanks for sharing your life and pictures. My gray is the lack of sleep I have been getting from being up with my newborn but he is also my color. I love that he is starting to smile when he sees me.
Robinson Family says
My gray this week is my very own January 22, 2010 little getting sick and the ever ending thoughts that if I just did not have to work I could shield him from those germs and give him all the one-on-one attention a little 9 month old could ask for. So after crying about that this morning, I got a sweet email of my little grinning because he determined how to climb our bar stool all by himself… and brightness comes from all the wonders of what is to come! Thank you, as always for your perspective and uplifting blog posts!
Julie says
My grey this week is that my “baby” is shadowing high schools and that means is really is no longer my baby. My color is knowing I am going to see my second “baby” this weekend when we visit her at college in Milwaukee!
I love your babies!
The Shaw's says
Gray has certainly been a predominant color in my life this week. I suffer from fibromyalgia and when ever the weather changes is wreaks havoc on my body. I wake up feeling like I’ve been run over by a Mack truck. And that might be ok, if I didn’t have 4 kids to care for. And two of them are under 2! BUT in the midst of this gray moment and literally a gray, overcast day, came the most beautiful pictures of my family. It was family picture day with one of my most favorite photographers here in Arkansas. Raye Law Photography. We were dressed in beautiful shades of purples and grays! And the sky was grey and the photo shoot short as the rain finally tried to fall. In the midst of all that gray, I saw smiles and laughter and so much LOVE, making gray my new favorite color. Here’s a link to one of those gorgeous, gray moments: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=459666630998&set=a.103594380998.91353.28023915998
Jeanne says
My Grey: Was getting frustrated with my two kids over something really silly. Then having my 2.5 year old talk about what I said for over a day. Not my favorite moment of motherhood.
My Rainbow: Knowing that tomorrow is another day to be great. To be fun. To be exciting for my kids.
Kelle, I just wanted to reach out and give you a cyber hug.
jill says
my gray is knowing that my 4yo niece has recently been diagnosed with a cancerous tumor…but, she started her chemo treatments this week and is doing relatively well with them. knowing she will be back to her little, vibrant self(given time)puts a whole lot of color back in my days. the tears have stopped and the smiles are starting to come back, little by little.
AllisonKathleen says
My gray comes in shades. This week’s shade is an intense one. It is beautiful like the rolling clouds of a thunderstorm, but it is just as terrifying. I found out that I have a placenta previa after a massive bleed that left me hospitalized for a weekend. My son is healthy and a fantastic dancer, but the previa seriously complicates the rest of the pregnancy.
I’m sitting with this gray, absorbing it, wallowing a little; but doing my very best to give it to God and trust everything will be perfect and wonderful.
j3nny47 says
My gray this week was having my mom tell me – at the end of my lunch break yesterday – that after her 2nd mammogram, they want to do a biopsy. When I hung up the phone, I couldn’t even say the words to my boyfriend (who was driving me back to work). I choked on them in my throat and started crying. Without me asking, he drove some laps around campus so I could gather myself before going back to the office. After having a day to let my brain consider and re-consider all sorts of outcomes I feel somewhat better, and reading the entry about your gray “highlight” this week, I don’t feel so alone. Thanks for being you, Kelle. Happy Wednesday!
Mrs. Buckingham says
Beautiful post! And SO true!
Gray: Our perfect little schedule has somehow gotten off track this week and I’m not quite sure if we now have a schedule at all thanks to those darn little pearly whites trying to peep through my little’s gums. Poor baby. Hate to see him hurting, and hard when everyone in the house loses sleep over it.
Beautiful colors: Waking up to my handsome Baby boy and husband every morning, and looking forward to a visit from out of town family this weekend!
Tonje says
My grey this week (and the last month)is dealing with anxiety and alot of other stuff. Suddently I find myself being away from school for a month and getting help from professionals. I never in my wildest dreams imagined this would happen to me, especially at the age of 17. So yes, life does suck sometimes. It sucks really, really, really bad. And I’m finding it hard to believe that everyday holds a potential for beauty. But trust me, reading your blog makes a difference. It might seem strange, but in a way, it helps! You’re so good at what I’m worst at; staying positive. I’ve always wanted a life like yours, and I know now that I can. I really can if I just pull myself together and start to accept that yes, my life might not be at it’s best right now, but it will change. It will…
Adrianne Kautz says
My gray is watching my 49 year old mom die a slow and miserable death from scleroderma. My color is every second I spend with my beautiful baby girl and watching her grow. The circle of life.
Thanks for letting us all vent. It feels good.
Bobbie says
My little bit of gray this week was the failure of an important proposition for our school district. The failure means millions of dollars lost for our students. My color is aways brought on when my own cherubs come in from a full day at school. With a 4th grader and an 8th grader sometimes the color seeps through to light an amazing rainbow.
Baughman Family says
My gray this week was watching my best friend lose her father to cancer. The color came in the hug we were able to share after months of being apart while she sat by his side. She was blessed to have all their final thoughts shared.
Wade and Tara says
my gray this weeke is my little one has had an ear infection and a cold all week but my colour is that she has been so cuddly and I am LOVING it!!
great post!
Patty says
My gray is the difficulty in “figuring out” how your adopted child thinks…is it a nature vs. nurture thing?
My color is knowing that today, Nov. 3, is his adoption anniversary! The joy and love of having my heart swell from his birth once again…makes being born from my heart a double-dip chip day!
He Gives Us Manna says
My Grey is week is silly and doesn’t seem very important, but I’m surprisingly sad and mournful. My favorite chicken, lady gaga, had a run-in with a coon and she’s gone…
The color, well…I got to catch my first baby at a birth this week. Yeah and that’s a pretty bright one if I do say so myself…
Johanna says
My Grey is my 22 yr old friend who just a month ago was diagnosed with stage 4 advanced liver cancer. She is going to die… it is an enveloping grey that I am trying to accept. It sucks.
My colour?
Fireworks on friday yusssssss
Brandi Robinson says
I have never written a comment before and have wanted to many times. I really love reading your blog and all of the inspirational comments you always write. I check it every day and have told everyone I know about it. You are an amazing writer and most of all mother. Your girls are so lucky to have you! I have 3 boys and strive to be the best mom that I can be. You make me realize to take a moment and to really listen to them, to REALLY listen to them.
My grey; not being able to be a stay at home mom and I really wish that I could do that. My boys are ages 14, 11 and 5. They will be grown before I know it. Today is a tough day. A friend of mine lost her daughter to diabetes this morning. This has made me realize how sudden your life can change and to appreciate every moment you have with your loved ones as they could be gone tomorrow.
My color; knowing that I have a second chance tonight and tomorrow to take the time to sit with my boys and listen to them and even though I can’t stay home with them during the day, there is always the nights and weekends and we will make the most of those times!
leemeandthegirls says
Again, I so agree…with all of it. And to prove it, our last house— yeah, the guest room was a lovely shade of gray beard. But today, I am finding the happy in a baby who is ALMOST walking, a high chair I can’t figure out how to put together, and the fact that fall has officially arrived.
Rae says
gray this week is working through my older son’s behavior issues, and my younger son’s peak colic time. But through that, I haven’t cried in almost 48 hours.
the colors? the bright lime of the older’r sense of humor. the warm yellow of the younger’s smile. the peaceful blue of being wrapped in my husband’s arms. and the golden hope that things will be better.
iris_k says
My gray is that my doctor’s drug concoction was successful in getting me to ovulate. For most women this news is great, but for me,I am actively trying to get pregnant at 39 years old and I am damned scared of the potential issues with my child. I know that children will be born into this world the way they are supposed to be. Because of this, I hold on to your blog for a lifeline, Your blog is the happy color when my gray feelings hit regarding the possibility of having a child with Downs Syndrome. You show the happiness & joy but you also show the sadness & reality. Thank you for everything you do and for sharing your gifts with all of us.
Autumn says
Gray—It is my maiden name, I love it and carry it daily. 🙂
Colors, I can hear my children playing sweetly in the next room with new toys we just bought with ziplocs full of change they recieved from a Halloween Piggy Bank at my Mom’s…(People in line behind us at Walmart—Def. not in the color zone!!)
This was a beautiful article!!
John 16:33
Brie'n Marie says
Kelle, I relish in your optimism! I love gray, however my gray this week is my impatient-ness. I get to test this weekend to find out if I am going to be a Mama (!!!) and I want to know NOW. My color this week, is the same thing. I get to take my first pregnancy test. I can’t wait to be a Mama, so please, gray, purple or otherwise please cross your fingers and say a little new mama prayer for me. Thanks again for sharing your amazing littles with me!
Courtney Williams says
After that story, my heart aches for that woman, for our daughters, for us, and for your Dad. But I am thinking how lucky she was to have your Dad with her. I had a moment this week where another Mom at my son’s school was clearly trying to figure out why my daughter, Maddie, wasn’t doing as many things as her son who is only a month older. I didn’t want to tell her, I didn’t want it to influence her, I wanted her to see Maddie as “normal”, “typical”. But the only person I was fooling was myself, she knew something was different. After I picked up my son and we left, I had a “This sucks” pity party for myself. The next day I was at an appointment and Maddie started waving “hi” back to me. It was intentional this time, and she did it over and over! I was elated!! I recently read this from Paul Daugherty’s blog, “The clarity of life’s beauty is more evident when the struggle for that beauty is more difficult.” and was struck by how true it was in this moment. Here’s hoping we can all see more of life’s beauty and enjoy the small things!
Kelsey says
My mom has been visiting me and my family in Alaska. She has fibromyalgia and can’t very well take care of herself, but the truth is that for a lot of reasons, we can’t either, so we have to send her back home to Tennessee live with a boyfriend she doesn’t like, waiting on a yes or no from disability which, if she does get it, will not cover anything more than a lifestyle of poverty. She’s worked her whole life and shouldn’t have to go through this, but the truth is that we need some strong prayers that something good happens for her. The silver lining to my gray is that we did get to spend 12 wonderful days with her, exploring Alaska, and the movie channel 🙂
Mica Elayne says
Oh, honey, that’s tough! My sister-in-law has Down Syndrome and will turn 34 years old next week. As she ages, my poor husband struggles to accept that fact as well.
My “gray” is that my son’s school is in constant contact with me because of his hitting and biting. I am a teacher and attachment parent and this pains me. I’m finding color in the fact that I am so lucky to have this boy who fills my heart each day, even if he is going through a “violent” stage. Many women can’t have little ones.
Beverly says
Your pictures are beautiful and they make me smile every day and bring me color! My very small gray is a viral infection that gave me vertigo. There’s a name, a long one. Let’s just call it infection. My color, besides your pictures of course, is that I’m better. But I came to YOUR site today to get some smiles. Thank you.
Deborah says
My gray this week is the reality that my marriage is ending.The one I planned to grow old with, the one who’s friendship I desire is emotionally unavailable.
Just the other day my 12 week old grandson giggled with me. His smile burst into a rainbow of colors that showered down and melted my heart.
Thank you Kelle for reminding me to “Enjoy the small things”
Kelly says
my “gray”…missing my husband, who travels A LOT for work. My “little happy” are my two gorgeous kiddos….last night I was at my whits end, came into the kitchen to find they had taken EVERY baggie I had(I had 4 boxes in the drawer) and thrown them all over the floor…my oldest was making “snow angels.” I just had to laugh…puts things into perspective. I’m trying to learn to enjoy these moments with my kids, rather than trying to “get thru the week til hubby is home.”
Sarah says
My gray is facing the birth of my 3rd, unexpected yet not at all unwanted, child. It will place the youngest 2 kiddos 18 months apart, which I don’t feel at all prepared to handle. My gray is knowing someone will have to hear “Not right now” as I juggle the demands of a newborn, toddler, 4 year-old, and a fantastic hubby. I never wanted to be the mama who couldn’t read a book when asked, and I know at some point I will have to say “no” and the dissappointment that will be looking back at me will be hard. But the color is that I get one more sweet face to kiss, head to smell, body to snuggle. I get to be another brilliant baby’s hero as I answer the cry to eat at 3am. And the delight I get as I watch my 2 babes enjoy each other will be tripled when our newest one arrives.
Becca says
Wow, I posted my gray, but never mentioned my color. Figures I’d come across as a glass-half-empty kinda person. Definitely *not* me! My color is my beautiful little girl, seeing her beautiful smile every morning when she wakes up, hearing her beautiful voice telling me she loves me, feeling her hand in mine as we walk together. There is *nothing* in this world better than that.
Jill says
My grey this week is the same as it has been for the past 3 months – struggling to come to terms with the loss of two of my cousins, both taken too young, tragically, unexpectedly…two deaths that kicked me in the gut, took my breath away, and still have my mind crowded with two little words: “No fair”
My colour this week? Seeing my aunts who lost their sons moving on, smiling again, putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with their lives. Their bravery, acceptance, faith and peace fill me with a warm, golden glow…
The Cupcake Queen says
a lovely post that reminds me to live in the moment and not take a single moment for granted. thank you for your encouragement and insight. you are a blessing.
momto6kids says
My gray this week was getting the news that our 18 month old son has pulmonary hypertension again. He has Ds and his heart defect is now fixed so why won’t this pesky PH go away? Geeezzzz!
The color of life is all the greater when diagnosis such as this are thrown our way. It makes us cherish every moment, every breath, every gray or vivid color so much more.
And on the plus side, our little man said a new word this week…”Gog”…for the dog…and cat! Made my heart sing!
Debbie
the-scenic-route-momto6kids.blogspot.com
Mary A-J :) says
My heart hurt with yours while reading this post but also felt joy with you at the same time. Both your girls are so beautiful and so obviously loved!
My gray is a bit perpetual…it’s finances and living in a perpetual sense of drowning in that regard.
My colorful rainbow is enjoying a late evening stroll with two pups in the lead and a wonderful smiling boy in the wagon behind me. Also, I am a licensed elementary teacher who will be substituting for a second hour high school class for my first experience in the classroom, outside of student teaching. I have been out of the game for four years but I am ready to dive in.
Jen says
My grey this week is a silly fight I had with my husband. He was at home with our daughter and his phone had died but I was trying to get ahold of him for about 2hours. I was worried sick and drove home as fast as I could the whole way home. I know its stupid but it always worries me when someone doesn’t answer. I yelled at him. And he yelled back. And we didn’t talk for most of the rest of the night. And I felt even worse for that part.
Lisa says
My colour this week is finding out that I am carrying the miracle of life, my little #2.
My gray is wishing I could show just how excited I am but that others circumstances and reactions lead me to hold back.
Let the vibraint colours shine through..I am more of an aubergine kind of girl anyway.
Regina says
My color is my beautiful 3 1/2 month old daughter. My grey is that she has Down Syndrome and I am still learning to live with that. Thank you for sharing your story.
Lindsey Wolfe says
They gray today… receiving the montly reminder that this month of trying to get pregnant didn’t happen.
The colors for me is looking at the beautiful boy I have and seeing the joy through his eyes! And the hope that NEXT month will will have a new baby in my belly.
Stacy says
my grey… missing my mom. No matter how long it has been and how much happiness you have in your life, somthing seems to be missing when you can’t share the little things with your mom, things only a grandma could appreciate. This week I have wanted to tell her so many things.
my color… yellow, bright, red and even PINK (don’t usually like pink) my youngest baby girl is doing amazingly well and is perfectly healthy and gaining an ounce a day just nursing (amazing for a very early preemie). at 3.5months she is almost triple her 2lb 4oz birth weight. Just one of my 3 miracle baby girls. 🙂
Lindsey Culver says
Gray is working at a job when I want to be doing another – full time photography! I’m about 6 months away from my goal.
The cool fall weather is bringing my happy. I grew up in the midwest, but now live in the southeast so still miss the full-blown fall leaves and weather.
thb says
I like the idea of a dark, slate gray. Also, I like the idea of winning a brooklyn bib. I’m pregnant & hoping for a girl, which ironically, I’m naming Brooklyn! That would be soooo cool!
The Birth of KLC says
My “gray” this week is the fear that one or both of the identical twins I am carrying may not be there on the next ultrasound.
My “colour” is that my husband is coming home for the weekend to be here to find out with me!
Erika says
kelle, so beautiful.
well- our story is that we actually have held the hands of two of our daughters after they passed away.
two years ago.
my days are much less gray than they used to be, and we are enjoying rainbow filled days of great vibrancy.
we have since had another baby- who does not replace her sisters, but gives us so much hope and a chance to love here and now.
we are also in the process of adopting a special needs daughter from china- one who was (coincidentally?) born halfway across the world when our daughters died.
it’s weird how life works sometimes, huh?
((((hugs))))
xoxo,
Erika
Jessica says
My gray this week is my teething 7 month old. Sadly, with all her fussiness and agony comes lots of cuddles for her mama, which I love. She’s a trooper, and thats what keeps me going.
These bibs are adorable and would be the perfect gift for my sister-in-law who has little baby Piper on the way!
Katie says
My gray is the loss of a dear friend who died last week at the age of 42 leaving a wife and 22 month old son. My color is my three wonderful kids (7, 6, and 4-1/2 months).
LibTenney says
My grey this week is the fact that my parents divorce is getting even worse and my younger siblings are being dragged into the middle because my dad is being selfish 🙁 My color is yellow for sunshine because I have a happy healthy baby, a loving husband and a great life despite the terrible world we live in.
Jess Litster says
my gray- not being able to hear my baby’s heart beat at our first dr. appt on monday… everything is fine, the baby is just not old enough yet… in a few more weeks we should be able to hear the precious heart beat of my little baby in my belly. But my color is my two sweet babes I already have here with me that bring so much light to every single day! And my 2 year old daughter telling me she hopes that the baby in my tummy is a baby sister. So so sweet!
Thank you for sharing your grays and your colors. You are an inspiration!
Wall Family says
My gray this week.. My lil babers has had a fever since Monday, and I have had to work. I wish I could be a SAHM. 🙁
Jennifer says
Kellee,
My gray is that we have discovered that our unborn child has an arm deformity. We don’t care but I care how the world will treat her. She deserves only the best and I hate how the world will judge her for something that wasn’t her fault. The color is that I never thought I would have her – ever. Her life touching mine is the color that keeps me going. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
Michelle says
My gray not hitting a goal I had set for myself with the health and wellness company I work for.
My color is my four year old daughter telling me she needs some mommy daughter alone time this week.
On a side not my husband works for S-W and we loved seeing the color deck on your blog!
T. Nelson says
My gray is that I miss my mom so much lately. I need to tell her so many things. November & December are always the worst.
My color joy is the promise of a long weekend away with my guy. Parent/teacher conferences will be done, I’ll have no school on Friday, and we’re hitting the road! Whew… I need the escape!
P.S. I really really really love your blog. It’s a little piece of color for me every time you post. 🙂
Tracy says
my grey this week: having a co-worker try to make me feel inferior because of her wrong, not mine.
my sunshine: picking up my daughter everyday at 5 and having her run towards me with the biggest smile and “hey momma!”
Ashley says
This was a great post and a great reminder to live in the moment each and every day and not to worry about tomorrow. My Uncle plead guilty to 17 counts of pediphilia this last month after turning himself in in February. No one expected it and we all saw him as such a good, good person. Since then and since having my son in August I’ve been so afraid of his future and of anyone who would hurt him because someone I knew and trusted was capable of hurt. It’s hard not to be afraid and live in fear of what could happen x amount of years from now (I have a post publishing on it tomorrow, actually), but I am constantly reminded that these moments are the ones that matter and if I’m a good Mom now in these moments then my son will be more confident in the long run and just being more confident will help him be safe. Thanks again for the reminder. 🙂
The Sneezeweed says
my gray this week is missing the mountain town that I made my home. The one I moved away from simply be default, not desire. And when this lovely crisp air sets in, it is the only place I want to be.
My streak of color (a bright sunflower yellow in my mind) is getting to spend time with the friends I have here on this island. Sitting in a local, low key bar sipping on delicious pumpkin ale. My streak of color is embracing this lovely season.
Lacy Hope says
My gray this week is not knowing exactly how to balance my time between my 2 year old little girl. My first born. And my 2 week old twin boys. I’m still getting the hang of twins, and it sucks that my best friend, her, has to take a back burner for a bit.
My color is almost the same though. It’s the moments when both boys are changed and fed and sleeping on my lap balanced in the Boppy, and my girl props her coloring book up on it too using other pillows and covers to balance it out, and we color together like old times. It’s my happiest moments to have them all 3 close and happy because of what I’m doing. It makes me feel like a Rockstar! 🙂
Train Family Waipuk says
My gray is packing away all the memories I have of my Dad into a shoebox this past week.
My colour is a heartfull of memories that can’t be kept in said box.
Keep painting Kelle, it makes for a beautiful world!
Jen says
I love your blog, my gray is being tired, but I have three wonderful children that make me tired and for this reason I know everything will be ok! They are truly my color!
Mrs Showers says
My world was grey this week until turned instantly vibrant pinks and greens with excitement and overwhelming joy when we got our amniocentesis results back yesterday. My girlfriend sent me this blog as a way of coping with the possibilities of all the “what if’s” I was asking myself over the last two (and longest of my life) weeks. I love your posts and am stealing today’s quote “Life is sometimes hard. Reality sometimes sucks. But most of the time? Most of time, it’s amazing.” It’s so true and I wanted to say thanks for your encouraging and uplifting words.
KWQR says
Oh Kelle… typing through tears… When I read the words “She had Down Syndrome” I lost it. Totally sobbing lost it. Because even with acceptance of my son’s diagnosis and the all-kinds-of-wonderful that he has brought to our lives, there is still that shadow that lurks… that the end of his life may come before my own. Or that he might be alone & scared. And that just kills me to think about.
But she wasn’t really alone, was she? Thinking of your father being there with her makes me smile through this hot mess of tears.
My gray this week? More a gray of a different shade… found out yesterday that I am not pregnant this month. After two miscarriages & a year of trying for our #3, am starting to look for the place of being okay with how things are now. Cuz, they are really good… which brings me to the color… that right now my two little guys are healthy & happy & keeping me on my toes in all the best ways.
xo
Kate
p.s. Thanks for your email… you made my morning. 🙂
Claire says
Were I as good with words as you are, this post could have been written by me.
My gray is the passing of my mother in law a little less than a month ago. She was only 54 and it was very sudden. None of us were prepared for it and I still haven’t come to grips with it.
There have been a few spots of colour lately though… thank goodness for that! We are in the process of closing on our dream house and got word that all is set and we should have the keys on Monday. My husband just found out that he gets Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas off this year… for the first time in four years! (He’s a police officer) That will be a huge blessing as the holidays this year will be rough. And as always, my two sweet girls are always a burst of colour in my life. They just make me happy!
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself Kelle. Your sunny and positive outlook has been a huge strength to me through a tough and trying year.
Annie says
“And knowing that I have scientific data that increases the likelihood that I will hold her hand before she holds mine made me really, really sad this past weekend.”
Reading that sentence made me feel like the wind had been knocked out of me, and the tears came, hot and fast. My Lilah is the same age as Nella, and the very thought of living in a world where she no longer exists is more than I can bare.
I look at my little girl and I want to hold her tightly to my chest and protect her from anything that may hurt her. Motherhood is so scary, and even if something happened to my little one today, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Because this love, this primal thing that makes me feel like I could kill or be killed to protect my child is what’s made my life so much MORE.
As for my gray this week – it’s small, but I’ve always wanted to stay home with my child but finances don’t allow it. She cries every day when I drop her off, and my morning are very hard. But there’s a big fat ray of sunshine in my week too….because I finally heard that sweet little word…”Mama”.
feelsliketime says
My graye this week,,,Cancer. It so totally sucks. Today my Best Friend in the world’s husband should be turning 43 today. Instead he lost his battle 5 years ago leaving 3 little girls (9 years, 4 years and 6 weeks) and his high school sweetheart of a wife.
Cancer has stolen the lives of my father’s entire family. My Uncle was the last of his brothers and sister to succumb to this disease last month. Cancer so supremely S-U-C-K-S.
Kj says
You are sooo amazing!! this is the first time I’m commenting on your blog but I have been reading it for a long time.
My gray is that I keep thinking how I have to go back to work in 2 months. I know, it’s a long time but it will go by sooo quickly and my baby is only 2 months old now. I would love to stay home for much much longer.
Dr Pepper says
My grey this week was realising we live far too far away from my family and that they can’t share these last few weeks of pregnancy with me. My colours are getting a date for my c-section. 2 weeks and counting and my precious baby will have graced us with her presence! Have a sparkling week, Kelle.
Big love from England. x
Cassi says
It is crazy, your blog today and how it coincides with my life in a way. My Color OR my Gray is going to be found out tonight in just a few hours when my best friend finds out if she is pregnant after years of trying and trying IUI last month! I soo hope it will be my Color, but I know I will be ok if it is my Gray too!! 🙂
Jennifurla says
My mom visited me this week (we live on opposite coasts) her visit is over and she is back home, I miss my mom. That is my grey. I love to hold my daughters hand..her sweet precious lil hand.
Sylvia says
Tears in my eyes (again) reading this post. You inspire me everyday!! Life is good. I try to enjoy it and take in every moment. Wow!
My gray…unemployment and not knowing where to go next. We are relying on family and friends to get through these times. But I’m definitely realizing that family and friends are more important than anything, and honestly, nothing else matters.
Benay says
My “gray” was the election. I can’t stand hearing people say hateful things – life is hard enough without cruelty from ignorant people.
My color? I suppose I have yet to find it. I guess there is color in knowing that I’m not alone in my frustrations. I just wish that was enough to make this world a better place to live in, a task which seems impossible right now.
Summers Family says
well I wasn’t expecting to start crying when a stole a moment away from the kids to read your blog. Oh the sad realities of life sometime. My daughter has Spina Bifida and battles recurrent UTI’s which can be very damaging to her organs. It scares the hell out of me and although I try to live in the moment sometimes I have moments (days) like you described.
I’m glad you were able to work through it and move forward. I’ll go back and read the rest of the blog later – I’m going to cuddle my 3 babies for a few and live in the moment.
Wishing you a great rest of the week.
Nicole
http://babygirlsummers.blogspot.com/
Kryssie says
My gray right now is my own infertility and knowing my sister, whose life is far from ideal, has a beautiful daughter. What I want so bad.
My color is knowing that when I make the trip to see them later this month, I’ll get to soak up the pure love that is a baby. What a great giveaway! I’d love to present those bibs to my niece.
Jessica says
I love reading your posts, such an eye opener 🙂 my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and my grey this week was finding out that again I wasn’t pregnant, but my wonderful husband decided to take me to the beach where we first fell in love for a romantic weekend and that just brightened everything up!
Taylors says
Grey… let’s see… having to study and spend far too much time away from my growing little ones. Color… hubby’s triathalon this weekend is a great excuse for a family trip!
http://www.jaketaylorfam.blogspot.com
Deanna says
you’re lucky that nella is so healthy right now. my daughter addison is a little bit younger than nella and has already had three major surgeries, a five week nicu stay, is still on oxygen (after nine months), and tested positive for transient leukemia at birth. i feel like my entire experience of motherhood has been spent every day fearing the death of my daughter who has so completely stolen my heart. i have stared in the face of gray for so long that it seems like sunshine to me now because it isn’t black. my gray is my color. btw, i have been trying my hand at writing out my experiences to perhaps help another mom going through the same thing someday, and i find myself totally intimidated by your writing style. every time i read your blog, i walk away saying that i can’t write worth anything…but i am certainly trying. (-:
DisneyRose says
Kelle,
Let me tell you about my friend, John Pat. John Pat (JP) has Down syndrome. He will be 58 in January. He’s lived in a group home for his entire adult life and has a large family that is very involved in his life. He’s got an infectious personality; hands down my favorite person in the entire world.
Two years ago (Oct 11, 2008) JP was diagnosed with end stage liver disease and we were told he wouldn’t make it to Thanksgiving. He was confined to a wheelchair, sent home on hospice, and “dying”. Two years later (now), JP is about to celebrate his THIRD Thanksgiving since we were told he wouldn’t live to the first one. He’s walking again, was discharged from hospice, and is doing wonderfully. He has never been alone. Where friends and family end, staff begins. Given the amount of time staff spends with him and his housemates, they are as good as (sometimes better than!) friends and family. Part of me thinks that it’s his lack of understanding and pure innocence that has kept him alive for so long; he had no clue that he was “dying” and so he keeps living.
As someone who works in the field (I’m a social worker) and who has sat bedside by numerous adults with and without Down syndrome during their final hours, I can promise you with little doubt in my mind that even though we can’t predict how long Nella’s life (or any of our lives!) will be, she will never be alone. People like your father and myself will make sure that never happens.
I’m sending this in an email also to make sure you see it. Hug Nella for me, one of her biggest fans.
Tracie
Kylie and crew. says
My gray is our housing situation, my color is…..at least I have a warm place to sleep and a home full of laughter from children and my best friend and husband to share it with. More color than gray….yet the gray is still there. It’s been a rough week.
A says
My little gray….an 11th failed cycled at TTC our first baby.
A little color…a doctors appt schedule for December 2nd to look at our next step. Swallowing the bitter pill of infertility, and acknowledging that we just might need a little extra help to conceive our own little miracle.
Thank you for your beautiful post and sharing your beautiful girls with us.
Trystan says
My gray is I have chemo on November 10 and my sunshine is…it’s the LAST one, so I don’t really care how sick I get! I love your blog!
Lauren says
My gray is the fact that my grandmother is dying and I can’t be with her. I have to be here so my son can be in school, because he’s already missed far too many days because it seemse he’s been sick every week since school started. He’s autistic and I know the school is working very hard to help him, but sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, say “we’ll try kindergarten again next year,” take him out of school, and go spend time with my grandma.
I see her every weekend, but I am so scared that I’ll get that dreaded phone call at any moment.
Lauren says
Oh, and my color is, as always, my wonderful children.
Drew and Kristi says
My grey this week? Worrying that my kids won’t have a fabulous Christmas if I can’t afford to buy them as much as I would like to give them. Silly, I know. I would care more than they would, but still.
My color? Finding out I have more and more in common with a friend I would love to call my closest friend. Love her.
And love the bibs! Too too cute! Got me inspired to try and sew my own!
KaitlinCole says
I LOVE this and I love that sweet Nella. With tears streaming down my face I read through your post. Amazing Kel, AMAZING! You are a mama and your love pours outta your heart.
My gray is saying goodbye to my best friend in the whole world (who was visiting for a day with her baby). I got to watch her baby while she atteneded a conference and then she stayed to visit for a bit and they left. It breaks my heart that I do not know this baby like I did her first one but my heart leaps with LOVE and PASSION for this babe like he was my own because she is the most amazing friend a girl could ever ask for and I would not be a mama without having walked with her during her earlier miscarriage and her first and seconds kids. I am sad we had to move away from her but I love her more everyday and I am treasuring the times I do get to see and hug her and her babies!
Annette says
My “gray” this week is missing my family that lives 9 hours away….But the color, oh my the color, far outways my gray which is the love I see in my grandbabies eyes each morning when they arrive for the day…
Funky Kim says
My gray this week has been my gray this past month. I was the one who called my father to tell him that I had found my brother dead. It was not a phone call I ever wished to have to make. But it was what it was. And my father aged before my eyes that week.
It’s been a month since that fateful day. We’re busy trying to figure out what day to go spread my brother’s ashes as the place my brother wanted is a road trip. It will be a beautiful road trip in a beautiful part of the country. Dead Horse Point, Utah. We shall do this the day before Thanksgiving.
Then we’ll head home and cook up a feast and fill the day with things we are thankful for and we’ll have to buy rolls because the only person who could make yeast work in our family was my brother.
On November 30th I will go see a specialist to see if I have the genetic defect that caused the sudden death in my brother. A clean bill of health is what I want to give to my parents for Christmas this year.
Kathleen says
We were blessed to adopt two beautiful children who happen to have special needs. My gray this week has been thinking about what the future holds for them. We tell kids that if they work hard, they can do anything. This isn’t really true and they are starting to figure that out.
Lara says
The grey… that would be the stomach virus that forced us to miss Trick or Treat… and the emergency dog surgery (she is fine now though!) 🙂
The color… a sweet haircut for my daughter! She is now rocking a ginger bob! I could eat.her.with.a.spoon! 🙂
Abilew-who says
My gray is easily the amount of time I get to spend with my little booboos. My sweet Willy is 2.5, and my little Eleanor is 4 months. I’m a working mom. And. It is hard. I am unmotivated at work sometimes thinking about what I’d rather be doing, and busy to my frazzled core at night to make their home as warm and comfy as possible. My color is that they don’t care. They love me and wrap themselves in my arms as soon as they see me. It is my hope that they see someday that their daddy and I do everything we do for them – because I take everything they are and fold it up and put it in my pocket and pull it out at least 100 times a day, whether I’m here or there. It’s only fair.
Whitney says
My gray always stems from money issues. Always. But my little boys are always what bring the color back into life. Every.day.
kayla and tyler says
you are an amazing strong mother and woman!!!
I’m very jealous of your wonderful, perfect skin!! you should tell us all how you keep it so beautiful.
Melanie says
Gray is the color at our house right now. We are trying to figure out if our 1 year old has a milk intolerance. Hard to think that we’ve been feeding him milk products for 1 year and his little tummy can’t handle it. Along with that it’s been a long hard heartfelt search to see if my full-time job is truely what I want to do. Having some of the most difficult conversations with my boss and others in our organization has opened my eyes to the care that others can show. My week although full of gray is seeing rays of yellow slowly peeking through. Time right now to go and enough some small things with two little boys that see the yellow rays in almost any activity!
Mira's mom says
My gray this week…this summer. My older sister died June 2nd very unexpected, very painful. She was thirty one. A wife, a mother of four, a sister of seven, a daughter..and a unbelievable sweet friend. Have you ever heard the quote ” The absence of one person, can make the whole world feel depopulated.” That is what it has felt like to know her and for her to be gone now. I know I will see her again one day and that she is complete and whole with Jesus, but this week has been hard. My gray this week…not feeling like I have enough love, hugs, kisses to fill the void in my nieces and nephews life. I want so much to heal that wound…and I can’t. But, my joy…my color. Knowing that those children have a heavenly Father who loves them more than I do and He can supply their every need.
Erin says
way to be honest…gray is good too! your girls are just beautiful~ it kinda makes me want one!! mama to 4 boys~ erin
much love and blessings from ga~
Lesley says
I have a little girl who will also likely have a shorter lifespan. It is precisely because of this that I don’t sweat the small things and I drink in every moment with her. It has changed my whole outlook. And I am not interested in trying to make the square peg fit the round hole. She is awesome exactly the way she is and she knows I think so. This is what matters to me.
The end.
http://www.bluemorningglory.blogspot.com
Shelley :) says
…grey is the color of the struggle to accept that life often isn’t what we had expected/wished/dreamed it would be. Even though our imperfect pictures can be bitter and pithy and hard to swallow – therein lies the pulp of life itself. It feeds us. It nourishes our souls by allowing us to grow, learn, adjust our lens of perspective. It forces us to taste something we had never even considered trying…ever. But in the trying, we are grateful for having had it. Even if we get it for just a moment, or 50 years, or a lifetime. Gratefulness for all that life throws my way is what turns my grey a shade of pink..like grapefruit 🙂
JGeary says
My gray this week is, sad to say, figuring out our holidays. So many people want us in so many places and we just want to be…and for our kids to just be…and live in the excitement, in our pj’s all day, playing with new toys, reading new books and celebrating us without driving 5 hours to see one family and five to see another. My happy is right now. My husband is giving me a break and he is playing the guitar for the kids while they try to strum along with him!
Sara says
My grey… Sometimes I have my grey moments when I think about the birth of my 4th child (coming this April!!!) I have had one natural and two c-sections and am planning a VBAC this time around. I tis hard at times to be positive about VBAC’s when the world around you is saying, “plan a c-section… it doesn’t matter how the baby comes into this world…” and so on. That is where some of my grey is laying around right now… but I have to turn it around and make it a happy, positive, sunshine yellow. :o) Which is where I am back to now.
Heidi says
My gray… we did an injectables cycle recently and it didn’t work, and the due date of the baby I miscarried is later this month and I was really hoping to be pregnant again before that. Alas, it is not to be.
My color – I, too, am planning on a little redecorating, and it’s amazing how energizing a little facelift can be! But my color right now is that I just walked by my son on my way to the kitchen to get him a snack and I rubbed his fuzzy hair on the way by and thought that there was nothing better in the world than to be able to touch his sweet head and hear him laugh at the absurd cartoons on the cartoon network.
teal915 says
I had this dream for my girls. I didn’t even know it, but I found out after Kamdyn was born. I dreamed that I would see them have babies. That I would be able to witness the miracle of love in their hearts one day. I lost that dream when I found out Kamdyn had Down syndrome. I’m still trying to accept that. I will eventually. My ray of color is that I know she will have that love in another way. She will probably love everyone with that pure, unconditional love that I so dreamt of her having. She’ll have it. Just in a different way.
scuppie says
My gray: struggling with career stuff — should I go back to work? And if I do, what the HELL should I do?
My happy: that I have the luxury to partake in such navel-gazing. We have everything we need, even though money is always tight.
Marie and Justin says
I would love that roadmap bib! How cute! My gray this week is my hubby leaving for pre-deployment training. I know it’s not the real thing but it makes his upcoming deployment so much more real every day. My happy is my 8 week old beautiful smiling happy boy that I just can’t stop loving on!
Melina says
My gray this week is the election. I’m a proud democrat and watching the red sneak up over the map was very very disheartening.
My COLOR is that I’m falling in love!!!!!!!!!!
xox
Melina
TheHouseWifeRookie says
I get so excited when I see that you have posted!!! You have a beautiful way with words!
My gray this week: My husbands new job keeps him busy with super long hours and he has been missing some magical moments with our sweet baby boy.
My color: That he works so hard at a job so i can do the job I love, staying at home with our baby! I could not be more grateful for that!
Kinsey says
I love that bib! My gray is life in general…not quite knowing, but also really knowing.
Hot Hot JJ says
Oh Kelle, your dad is such a dear man. He made a difference. I love him for it.
I adore that bib. Like really really adore it. My little man has been on the NY subway! Let me win!
Jessica
Emily says
This week my gray is also my color. The gray is, I’ve been out of the country and away from my home for 2 months and won’t be back for another month.
But my color is, I get this amazing opportunity to live in Sweden and also spend time in Finland!
kelly tucker says
My gray…teaching Kindergarten and having so many parents in my room that just don’t seem to care if their child does well. You shouldn’t have children if you don’t want to be involved in their lives and well-being, especially when there are people out there who so desperately want to be parents and can not be for whatever the reason may be.
My color…seeing my sweet Kindergarten kiddos singing their nursery rhymes at our PTA program last night. One of my kiddos was so excited that he had a speaking part, I thought he was going to burst! It made my heart so very happy 🙂
Breeann Bowers says
My gray this week is the gray that haunts me each week…the fact that I am still not pregnant. Of course, some weeks are easier than others, but this one seems to be harder than the last. I keep getting reminded of that fact with everything I do this week. It hurts, it sucks…but it’s my life.
The good through all of it is that I have an amazing group of friends that encourage me, love me, and support me in amazing ways. I get random text messages or phone calls or thoughtful words that just make things that much easier. I love the huge blessing they are in my life and the joy I am able to experience because of them.
shell says
you have really helped me overcome my grey.
I too share the “grey” of a down life expectancy. I also am in nursing school with 4 kids and that grey is the missing out of their little lives as i try to make a better life for them.
the color of my week….when my little Cav with Down said, “light hot” in his whsipery little voice. i screamed and we had a party!!
Mrs.B says
My gray and color are closely related this week. My gray is that I am worried about finances since I decided to be a SAHM.
My color is that I am finally a SAHM and able to enjoy all of the precious moments with my girl!
Vonda says
My gray was when some little brat, I mean, boy, picked on Noah on the bus. My gray was also the Christmas lists that my 4 children handed me, knowing that mostly everything on those lists was $50.00 and over, and knowing that my husband’s commission checks aren’t what they have been in the past. I’m getting stressed.
My BRIGHT and COLORFUL moments were when my daughter got on the bus and told the bus driver that if he didn’t DO something about the boy who picked on her brother, then she was going to “cut his nuts off”. She honestly said that. I laughed until I cried. So did the bus driver. The boy got a referral. This coming from a 16 1/2 year old girl that was painfully shy and wouldn’t speak her mind until her brother came along. My other colorful moment was watching Noah sleep in my bed with me this morning, his perfect angelic face, not one speck of NONperfectness. He’s sick with a cough. He needs me. Especially when his bottom lip quivers and he says “I not feel good”. He woke up and told me I was “squishy”, then told me I was “old”. We laughed. My other colorful moments were holding dozens of babies at our Ds support group meeting last night, passing them around and squeezing the love out of them, knowing I would have never met them if it weren’t for Noah. 🙂
Jasmine says
My gray this week is being so.very.tired. The color bringing me joy is getting a membership to our high school gym fitness center so I can run in the mornings.
It’s too chilly and dark in WI at 5:30 AM!
Angel says
I love your blog, I read every post!
My gray this week is a gray that is seems to be ongoing for me. I have a issue with bipolar and try so hard not to let it to “be me” but sometimes I feel like I think about it so much and what could happen because of this and how my daughter will be inpacted; that it does become me. The color that draws me out of the gray is my little one, she is two. And for right now she does not know what it means for mommy to be having a issue today. She just looks at me with those angel eyes and says “mommy you okay, there’s no bo-boo.”
Renee says
We may be having a gray moment this afternoon- We are finding out in just 20 more mins. if we are pregnant !!!! We did fertility treatments followed by a IUI and this morning I went and took a pregnancy test and I have a message waiting at home for me and my husband to listen to and it may change our life in the most amazing away if it positive and it is negative I have great friends and family waiting for me !
kris says
Loved this post. I was in the same “gray” spot as you this week. My 16 year old son was diagnosed with diabetes a month ago. This after having struggled with a severe anxiety disorder for the past seven years. We were sooo happy to get him back to school this year. (after being out for 3 years) Then bam….we were blind sided. But, he is coping so well. He is one strong kid. But this week I was feeling gray about his diagnosis. How long will he live? Will he have a long, productive, happy life? Will he suffer from the terrible complications diabetes can cause? I had a few days of lows but decided to live in the moment. Take it one day at a time and live for today. I was so nice to read your post and know we all go through these rough times. Thank you for sharing. I LOVE your positive attitude towards life!!!!!
Kelly says
Wow. I just bawled like a baby reading your post. The song just about brought me to the brink of a mental breakdown. 🙂 To be honest, I had wondered how you were dealing with some of the negatives in life. And as always, you are showing us you are handling them with grace and beauty. Thank you for sharing.
My gray this week: The stress of living paycheck to paycheck right now.
The color: Knowing it’s only temporary and that life is not about how much money you have. It’s about love.
Lori McPherson says
It is so amazing that Poppa could be there and be that one person for a woman that he never even really knew.
Being a little trite here… Everything happens for a reason. Just as all of the small things make up one big full life, all of the small reasons make up one BIG reason that your beautiful Nella Cordelia is here with you today.
My gray for the week is the intense roller coaster ride, of first time home buying, that my husband and I have been on all week. Though, it is hard for me to call it a true gray because deep down I am enjoying the hell out of this roller-coaster ride.
It may be crazy, it may be scary, and when we hit those heart stopping upside-down curves I may have the urge to scream but, Baby, that scream feels GREAT!
What brings the color back fully is knowing that even if this ride does not turn out quite the way I was expecting, I have someone that will jump right back in line beside me and do it all again.
jharp4 says
sometimes the gray allows us time to remember how vibrant the tangerines, ceruleans, crimsons, azures, aubergines, and canaries are…and i miss your littlest “little’s” glasses. they were so HER!
jh
From the Kitchen says
My dear Kelle: I read always and comment rarely. Today, I will comment. Today is all you have for certain. This moment is all you have for certain. Enjoy those beautiful, bright-eyed littles. Embrace them with your warmth and joy. When the gray comes, paint it brightly in the moment.
Best,
Bonnie
trdmosgrls says
A simply beautiful post yet again! I enjoy the anticipation of seeing if you post everyday. Your words are encouraging and your posts always brighten my day and make me look at life just a bit differently!
Randi says
my gray this week is my little girl getting sick YET again with strep. 4 illnesses in 20 days (ear infections, sinus, croup and strep) and listening to her heartbreaking cry…
what is keeping me going? We close on our short sale on FRIDAY! and its taken us 2 yrs to figure it out.
Tiffany says
Knowing that there are people in this world like your father is my gallon of inkberry #73RB. Because it is the exact opposite of that kind of pure love that is often the gray that shadows my life. When Oprah has shows about men who have molested and felt they could never tell anyone. When there are 200 men to fill that studio…when I volunteer at my sons school and meet students who don’t know the love they are entitled to. When they then struggle for the rest of their life because of it.
But, then there are men like your dad. Whose capacity for such love makes all the shadows disappear. And they are the only reason inkbery #73RB look so vibrant.
Sandryte says
My grey is http://www.reecesrainbow.org website. My mind just cannot absorb all these abandoned children, only because they have down syndrome. Then I hug my son thigthly, and I truely believe that one day I will be brave enough to adopt a child…
colby says
my gray is coming to the realization that we cannot afford our dream house right now, and need to withdraw our offer after a month of waiting for a response from the bank.
the upside is knowing that our family still has each other and something better will come along when the time is right; and that for now our love is more than enough.
themarkfamily says
Gray: My visit with family is coming to an end. It’s been fantastic, but soon we’ll be hundreds of mikes apart again. Color: I’m enjoying every last drop of my time with them and watching my parents get to cuddle their grandbabies.
Natalie Call says
My brother-in-law passed away this July at the age of 17. If I can tell you one line of advice it would be this. Savor every moment you have with every family member and friend you have. My nice has down syndrome as well. All I can do is love her and care about her and savor every minute I have to spend with her. I do the same with my other family members too, whether they have downs or not. You never know what a new day will bring. I even love having a fight with someone. Oh how I wish I could fight with Griffin again, but I can’t. I wish I had more fully him in and who he was. Don’t let that happen with anyone.
Annalise says
My grays are struggles with family. Grandmother in the hospital, and sisters and I can’t decide how to split Christmas between our divorced parents in different states. It’s rough. But I’m lucky I have family.
My colors are my friends. I live in the same apartment building as well, most of them. And we have so much fun. This past weekend we went to a pumpkin patch, dressed up as Greek muses for Halloween, and last night we had a bonfire. This coming weekend we have a party for our blog, which brings so much joy to my life : http://www.hardlyperfecthostesses.wordpress.com
And they more than outcolor the grays of my life.
Lauren & Spencer says
I am expecting my first baby in February and would love a reversible bib! My gray this week is that my hours were cut at my job, I was really counting on the money so I can get a bigger car and to decorate the nursery and buy new carpet. My happy moment is that I am still greatful to have a job, I may not have as many hours as I would like. But I still have a job in a field that is tough to get into.
Aimee says
my little bit of gray is something I will forever have with me. The Postpartum depression I suffered during the first three months of my little guys life has left me with an overwhelming sadness and a feeling that I’ve missed out on many little moments I will never get back.
The happiness that brings me all the colors of the rainbow is realizing how truly fortunate I am to have such a beautiful and amazing boy to enjoy, love, and cherish everyday. And, knowing I have so so many little moments to look forward to.
nicole says
my grey… i want a baby but my hubby and life circumstances say we aren’t ready yet. how much longer will i have to wait?
Christy says
Your lovely, wise words feel as though they are meant just for me.
I’ve had several weeks of “gray” after the loss of a pregnancy last month.(So much so that I opted to paint my living room/kitchen a soft shade of gray- “Behr Premium Fashion Gray”) And as cheesy/brown noser-ish as it sounds I found a lot of comfort right here on the pages of your bright and shiny, “The sun will come out tomorrow”, beautifully written blog.
Many thanks!xxo
-Ashley- says
My gray this week?
Waking up at 1am to being vomited all over by my 1 year old. Ah, the life of a Mother. 😉 And then a trip to the ER to stop said vomiting. Thus, resulting in no sleep. Honestly though, I am blessed that my gray was “only” vomit… and I know this.
This post made me cry. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or maybe it’s because I feel so connected to you through your writing… and my Mama’s heart can feel exactly what you felt at the fear of your child passing on before you… It’s terrifying.
*hugs*
I love your writing & your pictures. You’re a fabulous photographer and even better Mama.
PILCHERS says
first off..i have to tell you about a guy in our town who is in his mid 50″s. RJ has down syndrome and what an amazing soul this guy has. He loves everyone and talks about his mama like she just passed yesterday..RJ has several spine issues and his health is fading …but he was at church sunday..and when he sings…there’s not a dry eye in the chapel. especially when its his favorite hymn…”there’s sunshine in my soul today” for you can feel the sunshine in RJ’s soul!!! It’s sad to see him declining..but each one of us feel overly blessed to get to be a small spot in his life…to just know him and hear his voice and talk about how he hates snakes!!! LOL!! …another side note..do you watch GLEE? If not ..you should. …that’s all I am going to say..aside for Sue Sylvesters snide comments..which are hilarious…she cares and visits her sister with DS and brings a tear to my eye every time!! Love it!!
I don’t know what gray is in my life..maybe its the all knowing unsurity of my kids being subjected to things out of my control..all in the name of independence??! I fear the unknown..it has kept a hold on me a long time..still does a lot..but I am overcoming it..and then my 4 year old walks in and says mom..you are a rockstar…out of no where and there is my bright spot again..see he is the last of my 4 littles..and he is in his last year at home before he goes to big school..i cherish it.. good day to you and i can’t way to see the pictures of the bathroom!
Alzbeta says
My gray this week: It is an ongoing struggle, really. Because my baby was a preemie, I have been pumping for 6 months for her and whether due to the pumping or some freakish state in my body – I fight mastitis and clogs every step of the way. I’ll be honest, it gets old… like dingy gray old.
My color: At 6 months, my daughter is growing beautifully and the only lingering preemie issue is that I have to pump. We are so lucky! She is such a happy go lucky baby, it is good for my soul every time she grins when I come to pick her up. Plus, my birthday is only a week away! Yep, I’m excited :).
Love, love the bibs! Anni just started a little bit of solids and cute bibs would be wonderful for my messy girl :).
Kristin says
Your post is exactly what I needed. Reality does suck sometimes… but it is so worth it! My new color… my new little one who made her presence this Halloween. I love her color! 😉
LOVE your blog always!!
Heth says
My gray is that I am sleepy and exhausted, and quite tired of being the only one capable of getting my baby ready in the morning…I am stressed and tired, and I forgot to pack her bottles this morning!
My color is that I am there with her in the morning, this miracle baby of mine, and she never fails to flash me her perfect toothless grin every time I merely say her name in a sing-song voice.
I love your blog. I read Nella’s birth story over and over, and fall in love with her little face every time. You remind me to find joy when I am tired and stressed. Thank you.
Fatima says
My “gray” is coming to terms with some health issues my daughter is struggling with right now. My color (purple, cause that’s her color!) is the great excitement of helping that same, very gifted daughter explore, learn and grow.
Being a momma sure is hard. Being a momma sure is beautiful.
May your grays be few, and bring you ever closer to God, who loves you dearly.
Mrs. Potts says
I don’t normally post comments over here on your blog. I cherish each & every word you write and read them through several times, but haven’t shared the happiness that you impart, often in the pictures of your precious ones smiling.
This post, however, struck a chord with me. I often travel for work & don’t have many issues with it, but this week marks the 4th week in a row being away from home. My husband feels it, our pets feel it, I feel it. I seem to be bone tired and just miss everything about home right now. That would be my gray.
But I’m also luxuriating in the fact that I was able to book an early flight home for tomorrow morning and so won’t spend another night away for a bit. I’ll be home to celebrate our 2nd anniversary.
And your blog always adds a little “Kel Color” to my gray days.
Thank you for that.
Anneliese says
my gray is that i can’t control my sweet tooth & i am about to run out of baby weight excuses. my color is today is a new day & i am getting laundry done! 🙂
Rachel says
My grey is that I weaned my son from nursing this week. He is 14 months old and he isn’t bothered by the change at all, but I still feel sad that that special part of our relationship is over.
My color is enjoying my favorite season and watching my baby boy experience everything is has to offer.
And Kelle, while I love them all, this post? One of your best.
thehendersons3 says
Today my grey was leaving my little at preschool even though she begged me to stay home & get back into her jammies. Color soon came into view when my littlest little (who is just starting to walk) came with me to the preschool to pick up my baby girl 3 hours later and she reached for her hand. They walked hand in hand all the way to the car like a parade in slow motion. Completely melted my heart.
Elena says
I have two beautiful children that fill my days with all the colors of the rainbow. I too, experience the joy of an extra chromosome.
My gray has come very strong and very dark in the way of two miscarriages in a row. I am now faced with a hard decision as to the fate of the size of my family.
Ashley says
Beautiful post!
My gray this week: My husband and I are trying for a baby and not sure if we will be blessed this month. It is hard being patient for something you want sooo bad….especially when everyone around is having a baby! haha
Jewllori by Lori says
‘And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.’ — Friedrich Nietzsche
Even on the grayest of days, I can come here for inspiration, your faith is deep.
Speaking of deep, and aubergine…funny thing is I JUST JUST JUST painted our mudroom a deep aubergine!!!!!! Purple is the color my friend! We just did a major add on to our house, so I am painting and renovating, and updating 🙂 I love it.
extra xoxox’s,
Lori
I Don't Know says
My grey is also the reality that my special 21 chromosomed wonderful son may leave the world before I do. But there is vibrant color in knowing that if he does, I will be there by his side. He will never be alone. I will be the bookends of his life: there to prop him up at the beginning and to hold him up at the end. I find comfort in that, at least. I try to push these thoughts out of my mind most of the time though. No sense dwelling on them, but it is important to recognize our reality from time to time. Your post reminded me today.
Another thing – knowing what potentially lies ahead (truly none of us knows the future) I find myself caring less about the trivial stuff. Dishes piled up in the sink? Who cares. It’s time for a Connect-Four championship tournament Mom vs. Sam the Man. He won, by the way.
Given that I was 17 when he was born, odds are, I’ll be here at the end. But, we’re gonna have a blast until that day. Ours are going to be lives well lived. Heck, they already are.
Becky says
I don’t often think about the fact that my oldest daughter might not outlive me, but that’s probably my grey. With medicine advancing the way it is these days, who knows…she could live to be 100 🙂
Thanks for always reminding to look for the colors!
My color this week-deciding to put our house on the market, I love change!!
JennyCB says
My gray: Having to get another BSGI next week to see whether or not I have breast cancer.
My colors: When the sky is a bright blue, we say it’s an “AJ Sky” and when it’s purple & pink, it’s called a “Lila Sky” in our little world, so… my colors are bright blue, purple, and pink.
:o)
Skeelabum says
My gray this week is not having a few minutes to step away from the house alone. Lots of Dr’s appts and developmental testing this week for my tribe. I just need a minute.
My color is this will be the last follow-up visit my kids will have to do and after this they will no longer have an ‘adjusted age’!! Sorry its weird haha…my last hurdle to get over as a preemie mom in my mind 😛
ps we have a sweet man in our community who is around 70 years old with D.S.(best estimate because he wont tell haha) so thats saying something <3
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
“It makes the small things even better.”
Amens.
I looked up at my woeful, cracked up sunflower skeletons recently and I felt just sort of empty and sad. And then, I noticed that the blue of the sky had never looked bluer, in contrast.
And dinner tonight was an all-around bust, but those Betty Crocker caramel cupcakes will be every kind of homemade-wonderful here in another couple of hours…
Rik says
There are cold greys and there are warm greys–those that seem to stir in a little of the earth’s rich tones like the warm grey of a sky in a humid summer’s storm. And I don’t think it is a fear of a child passing before us that is frightening, but a child left behind with no one to fill those chairs by the hospital bed, no one to hold their hand and make then unafraid, no one to whisper how loved they are. And so, I tried to be that to this “little one” of 50 whose parents were waiting to welcome her home and I hope they could look down and know someone who loves these little ones was there with her. That was my warm grey. I wasn’t ready to talk to Kelle about it while it was happening…only later. I knew it would awaken in her a fear she had talked to me about when Nella was leaving her very first creases in Kelle’s arms. “I’m afraid she will outlive us and no one will love and protect her like we would,” she cried…and I assured her God would send someone and I told her, “Don’t let the worries of tomorrow steal from you the joys of today.” I still tell her.
Carolyn says
My gray is that we desperately need clean clothes and the washer is broken. And now that I see how silly this gray is and how crazy it was for it to bum me out this morning, I feel happy and blessed for all that I have.
My happy is that the wee one in my tummy is moving more and more every day and that she’s due 4 months from today. And the feeling is magical and the excitement is unreal.
Thanks for realigning my perspective.
Rachel says
My stressful work/school schedule is the gray in my week but the color was added this past weekend when some dear friends drove from out of state to visit! 🙂
Summer says
I had to stop reading because I started crying. Love that little Nella.
Andrews girl says
My grey this week was that my brother was hospitalized. But the grey quickly changed to a vibrant red when he ran full speed at me and gave me a hug. Hes Down syndrome and reaching his “life expectancy” this year. I dont believe for a moment that he will leave soon, he has so much life to live and love to give still. Precious, precious soul.
Rebecca says
My gray this week was losing patience with my 17mo old and raising my voice, then torturing myself for the next several hours because that’s not the kind of mom I want to be. The bright colors in my week are the squeals of delight from my daughter when she comes running toward me when I get home in the morning from a long night at work.
Nic says
My gray? Upcoming surgery to remove one of my falliopian tubes.
After nearly 18 months of trying, I am looking forward to seeing the colours when I finally fall pregnant.
You are in inspiration Kelle.
FEAS613 says
An insane amount of unexpected tears just burned my eyes and slid down unexpecting cheeks. I simply opened your blog to listen to the playlist as I cleaned and unwound from a long day of work. Never did I expect another post – 3 in 3 days… And upon finding a new post I smiled and read… and within moments that smile faded and tears overwhelmed me.
Oh – my grey doesn’t hold a candle to yours… complaints of 44 hours of work in four days and 11 babies half of whom are sick with upper respiratory infections and the other half have the violent and fast moving stomach bug I had Monday night. Your grey makes my grey seem like a rainbow on a bright blue skied spring day… (the tears are still pouring!) My good though – my good is great! Baby AJ is doing well and continuing to fight. He’s strong and growing. His mama got to hold him for the first time this weekend (he was 13 days old) and he got 30 minutes out of his isolette. I have Friday off of work because of the aforementioned 44 hours in 4 days.. and it will be spent shopping with my sisters for my nephew’s / Godson’s baptism outfit.
You’re right – life is hard and reality sucks sometimes… but life is truly amazing! Your blog has taught me to embrace each day, to find the benefit of an imperfection … to enjoy the sunset from a Target parking lot!
~Beth
Roksalanna says
Kelle
Thank you so much for sharing this today. Hugs to you. Thoughts to Poppa Rik also.
A streak of grey this week for me has been the persistent, gnawing thought that I will NEVER have a man in my life again and that I will ALWAYS be alone.
But that is only a streak of grey the colors of my week are in the rainbow of possibillity that comes with singleness, that there are so many choices and opportunities esch day. xx
Jessica says
Hey Kelle
My baby girl was diagnosed with Down Syndrome and just celebrated her one month birthday. I cannot explain how your blog has helped me. You have inspired me to write down my journey, not only for me but for my baby girl vivian, so I am now a blogger. Thank you. I am the eternal optimist but like yourself I can also have some gray days.
My gray this week is thinking about how tiny my little one is and that she is going to grow up. I just want to freeze this moment.
My colour is all the smiles around me, my baby girl, my husband, friends and family. With them I have all the strength in the world.
Thank you for your blog and showing us your beautiful family
Sarah Seagroves says
My gray is a sore throat and yucky weather! My color is a silly, little boy who ALWAYS makes me smile!
I love your blog! It always inspires me 🙂
Liz Siebenaler says
Beautiful post.
My gray is knowing we can’t afford to send my husband to Washington to see his grandma one last time, she is not going to make it much longer.
My color is my kids, even if we had a hard day they can always make it better with one smile or word:)
Heather says
I love your photos. They are amazing.
My gray this week is that I lost my job. It is one that I love very much, but it has come to an end.
My color this week is seeing the smile on my 4 month old’s face and noticing a tiny little tooth has peeked through the gums.
Being home with him for however brief it may be makes loosing my job just a little sweeter 🙂
euniceoh says
My gray is the mundane of staying home with my 6 month old, and it is totally what brings color to my day as well!
mommara says
The grey would be a friend that can’t get pregnant and a person who choose to end hers. The sunny would be my marriage. He really is the pea to my carrots we just go so well together even 8 years later. Better now than then.
Paytonsmommy says
My gray this week is that money is tight, I feel like I can’t even buy my husband a present for his birthday.I worry about our future with #2 on the way. My Color is that I have time to spend with my daughter who always brightens up my day with a need to snuggle or dance or just by saying I love you at the right time. This week we are making my husbands birthday cake- it will be so much fun.
Nicki says
Gray days are Wednesdays- shot day for my six year old with arthritis in all her joints. Magenta days are Saturdays when she runs and plays and loves soccer in her bubble gum pink uniform, making the gray days worthwhile.
Abby says
My gray was the walls of an E.R. Room with my girl on Halloween night. Everything is ok and she is fine, however my happy colors was walking out of there knowing she would be ok.
My nephew has downs and my sister, and my family often think of this and like you, throw that hot potato right out the window. Just like Nella, our Jory will never have to be alone, if and when that time comes before us. He will have us right by his side. But for now he is 5 and happy and healthy. Right now we are loving that color.
Blessings Kelle!
Joanna says
Somebody stole my most cherished pair of Ugg Boats. Stole them right out of my garage. The fact that that is all that was taken is my color. 🙂
Joanna says
*boots
Janet says
My life is intertwined with so much gray and color all the time…I long for those days we had our 3 kids under the same roof with us…it’s true, those really are the best of times…my looming gray today is after Thanksgiving when we have to go back to Bangkok…until then I am basking in warmth and color of friends and family and holidays and a BURST of color is traveling to Vegas to watch the final 9 in the World Series of Poker! And then on to my beautiful red-haired sister’s house in Phoenix for a few days of family glow…gray does go well with everything…it has it’s own beauty amid all these beautiful colors…because in Bangkok we will be back with our son (our 2 daughters are here in the states)and we love running our family business there…and even though Thailand has it’s vibrant colors, it’s still gray compared to life back “home”…thank you Kelle for helping keep extra vibrant colors running through the grays…and thank you for your honesty in sharing that this ole world can get to you some days too…
Judy says
Great post! My happy = seeing my 18 week old baby boy on the ultrasound kicking and playing. My gray = thinking about my nephew’s ultrasound where he couldn’t kick or move:(
Laura says
My gray is my husband’s work schedule. He has a civilian job and mandatory training for his upcoming deployment with the Guard. It has been nearly 2 weeks since we’ve actually had a minute to sit and talk.
My color are our 4 children (4yrs and under 😉 I am blessed to SAH with them. And while it is more tiring of late, since I have to do so much more while my hubby trains, I am grateful for the time with them and loving watching all their “too big for their little bodies” personalities bloom 🙂
Emily Valko Monroy says
This week has been a bit gray. I am overwhelmed and feeling super un-ready for this baby boy that will be here in four months. I’ve wanted him my whole life but now that it is feeling real, well, I’m freaking out.
My color is apple green. It makes me smile.
James n Sara says
Ur sincere words always draw tears.
Rojas Family says
My gray this week is our financial situation. Over the past 2 months we’ve had some big changes, things happen unexpectedly, and money is just tight right. My 3 yr old has come down with a head cold. I was speaking to my husband on the phone earlier about picking some medicine up. I checked our bank account and our ending balance was 2 cents.
My yellow? I’ve been holding on to a 20 dollar bill for just a moment like this.
April says
I hate living in gray…I am more of a black and white person…my gray is having cancer…I may or may NOT be in remission and I may or may NOT find that out at my appointment tomorrow…too many may or may NOTs for my taste…
my happy color is just being at home this week able to do whatever including sleeping all day if I wish…
I’ve not commented on your blog before, but I enjoy your photos and writing…I have a friend who has a baby with microsephely (exposed brain) and he will probably die before he is one…she lives in gray everyday and my heart aches for her…
starrlife says
I LOVE grey- a color of mystery and possibilities, reflective of all of the colors around it, picking up tones and changing. It is complex and deep. I love my grey hair, I love to wear grey, adore grey walls. In Richard Wrights Native Son they describe his learning that white paint is made by mixing in black paint!
I know just what you mean about the lifespan dilemma- I am 54 and my daughter is 11 with Down Syndrome. She is sure to outlive both my husband and I and I worry and have made a special needs trust with family who will be there when we can’t I hope.
My grey (and color) this week is learning that my sweet child has been pushing a little boy (who has been struggling with his own pushing problem)and cutting in line deliberately. I have always worried that she will be taken advantage of, now I know that she knows how to assert herself, just needs to be a bit more skillful!
Stacy says
I think gray is in the air this week I have been down about my oldest child having been diagnosed with Asperger’s this week…but as always my 2 littles are a vibrant colour this week as my just turned 3 year old is now potty trained and loving all his new words!! Hope the rest of the week is better…oh ya and I also changed the colour of our livingroom from green to sand and it is more relaxing and homey than ever on a tight budget!!
MichelleC says
my gray: I’m 18 weeks pregnant but have a painful flesh eating virus virus attacking my belly (ok, it’s shingles, but it hurts!)
my color: I’m 18 weeks pregnant 🙂
cathy says
my gray…my son with leukemia
my aubergine….today he was feeling great
xoxo
Anna says
My gray this week is that I’m missing my friends terribly and wish I could see them more often.
But I color my world with the excitment of an upcoming vacation for the hubs and I. I can not wait to go visit family.
Lisa says
Your words slay me. I love how you see life. You have definitely touched me with this post.
I have had chronic ulcerative colitis for 20 years. It has been my gray for that long because it comes on fast and hard and can put me down for 6-8 weeks at a time and come as many as 2 or 3 times a year. I am thankful that in comparison to some people with this disease, it is mild, but it is still painful, draining, and dangerous. Before I had my son (now 5) UC literally put me in the hospital getting blood transfusions or, at the very least, down in bed. Since he’s been born I have been blessed to be able to manage it at a better level (I think it’s a “mom” thing), but it’s still a problem, nonetheless. BUT my color is my precious little boy. I cherish every moment with him and he brings me nothing but joy. I never wanted children and Evan was a surprise pregnancy. I believe it was God blessing me knowing he could bring unimaginable color to my world.
cathy says
kelle,
you write so beautifuly, straight from your heart.
i wish i could give you a big hug.
and your sweet dad a big hug too.
the world is changing and advancing so much.
hang on to hope.
and dont borrow worries from tommorrow.
take care sweetie
and go hug them all , lainey nella,brett, and the boys too!
Carrie says
My gray this week is that my husband’s new job has him in a town 2 hours from our home until we get our house sold and son, unborn baby and I can move to be with him. Long distance, especially after a year separation due to deployment, really sucks! 🙁
My vibrant color is that I THINK I can feel little bambino moving around. It’s still plenty early, but I don’t know what else it can be! Oh, and also that our son is undeniably a momma’s boy and that makes my heart glow radiantly! Just sayin’ 🙂
Abbie S. says
My gray is being a working mom and sometimes loving the pursuit of the perfect juggle and sometimes hating the enevitable imbalance. It’s a pure and thick shade that hangs in the inbetween of being young, feeling unsettled, and yet realizing that hey, I’m somebody’s mom and a provider and I need to get my sh*t (sometimes the 4 letter words make the most sense, right?) together and embrace the gray because it’s not going anywhere for awhile.
Aimee says
We live with some gray, too…what the docs say about our son’s disease – what the statistics say. Like you…we choose to LIVE each day for what it is…another beautiful celebration of the sweetest soul – and his awesome little brother. Our motto is LIVE LIKE A CHAMPION…live like a kid – be nice, be thankful, have fun when you can, see every day for what it is…another day to celebrate your family and for us our friends who lift us up daily on this journey. I have no clue how I found your site…but I am thankful – in the little time I get on the computer I always make sure I check your blog. Life certainly throws curve balls…we know…some days we let the ‘disease’ win and feel down about what we wish could ‘be’ for our son. MOST days…we celebrate who he is and everything that he has taught us and how thankful we are for the perspective we have.
This is the 1st time I’ve commented…the future is scary when you have a special needs child…we don’t want to believe doctors or statistics…all I can say is you guys are awesome parents and we can feel the fun and and love in your words…continue to treasure.
Aimee Murray
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/cormacmurray
Misty says
My gray is this morning sickness that is still lingering. This too shall pass.
My color is the most gorgeous golden hues in the leaves of the Cottonwoods reflecting off the water of the Rio Grande River.
Cutest bibs ever!!!
Katie says
My “gray” is learning my perfect 2 year old sign has apraxia from his traumatic brain injury at birth (in addition to his other diagnosis). He works incredibly hard to keep up with his “typically” developing peers and I am amazed by him.
My “color” is putting him down for a nap and finding his stack of blocks, his colorings, all evidence of this amazing miracle of a boy despite his difficult road. He brings me a rainbow of color and joy daily.
Thank you for your words and images.
Verna says
I’m a little gray about not being pregnant again, yet! I’m loving the little boy God gave me already, though, and thankful for him every day!
Sarah says
Beautiful, Kelle. I especially love this line, “It’s a parent’s greatest unwritten plea.”
My grey is that I really don’t feel like being a working mom is the life I wanted. It is not because I don’t like my job or love the at-home day care my children are receiving. I just selfishly want to be home, but a splash of color came Friday morning in one such funk when a student proudly showed up to school with homemade apple sauce bread and roasted pumpkin seeds she had baked me.
And, about holding hands…As I held my Granny’s hand as she passed on, it occurred to me that she had people loving her as she entered the world and people loving her on the way out who did not know each other, yet I felt connected to them. The way her mother loved her influenced the way she loved me, but the important thing is that we have people’s hands to hold, and we can not even imagine who all they will be. I know that you will create such a life for Nella that someone will be holding her hand all along the way, and I hope for you that it isn’t you in the end, but I know it will be someone brought into Nella’s life because of the way you love and I can only imagine it will be a sister or brother or their children, or even some angel like your dad, and that is good, too…to trust the kindness of strangers (or chaplains) to hold our hands.
Nella’s got it good…the today and the future. Thanks for acknowledging the grey. It makes you real and even more lovable.
Esther says
My gray this week was taking my 2 year old son to the hospital for an MRI. He was born blind so we have to take him in for random tests once in a while. It was very hard to hold him while he cried as the nurses worked to put in an IV to put him under anesthesia. While we were driving home from the hospital, he quickly colored my world again with his sweet singing in the back seat. He loves music and sings and dances everyday, which is such a sweet ray of sunshine on the gray days.
emboogie says
my grey – my dearest friend has bipolar disorder – in the past month it has ruined her marriage and her chances of ever living with her children full time. She is my dearest family and friend and sometimes I struggle to stay afloat in the midst of her mood swings and episodes. This has been one of those weeks where it has been more difficult than most.
my color – I have a deep and loving friendship that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
thedreamcalledlife says
My grey this week is easy: it’s cold and there’s Christmas stuff in the stores and my baby girl needs new clothes, size 4T at 2 years old thank you very much, and my halfway-to-being-born baby boy needs new stuff too, but tuition is due for preschool and a lot of my flute students are quitting and there’s just not enough money to do what I want to do.
My color? Well, knowing we have enough money to give extra at church this week when a special contribution is taken, and feeling that little boy’s kicks after my little girl’s knee landed so hard in my belly last week, and seeing her learn and grow and change on the path to being a real big girl.
Thanks for sharing the grey, Kelle. It makes your life seem a little more real!
-Lela
Summer Mayne says
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Alyss says
My gray: I have to return to work instead of staying home with my little love, my 3 month son Jude.
My color: My little love giggles now!
myblueyez says
Beautiful post as always.. It really makes my gray this week seem so trivial…
My gray is my son bringing his progress report home with even worse grades than the week before…
But my children bring so much more color to my world that the gray is hardly noticeable sometimes…
Jennifer Callahan says
My gray this week is that today would have been my mother’s 57th birthday. She died quite suddenly at the age of 53, I was 23, and I still do not feel as if I have grieved her “right”. This year I planned my wedding without her and now I am planning the hopeful conception of our child, once again without my mother. The color in my life comes from my already born children that light up all of my days and the possibility that this time next year my husband could be holding his first born. Love your blog.
Claire @ Scissors Paper Rock says
My gray can be found this week in something fairly small in the scheme of the world & could be seen as a little superficial…but…my 2 yr old girl is sick…she has a virus which has triggered random vomits & in consequence her asthma has made it’s ugly return! She’s very wheezy & fighting hard to breathe easily…back on the steroids! She will be fine with rest & medicine & love…BUT, as a primary teacher, i’ve had to call in sick this week to stay home with my bubba girl {and i wouldn’t have it any other way!} but since I used all my sick/emergent days up when I had to undergo surgery in August for an ectopic pregnancy 🙁 I have to take this week unpaid…which quite frankly, we can’t afford right now!! And to ice the cake…kindy still charges us full day rates, even though she’s not there this week :((
BUT….I’m finding colour in endless cups of tea, baking with my little Miss, watching Tinkerbell over & over again, pink gumboots and the sea of yellow flowers in our backyard at the moment 🙂 Life is amazing….even with a bit of gray here & there, and thank u for reminding us of this Kelle!
xo
P.S. Nella is divine in every way possible & this post made me cry so much Kelle….scared tears, happy tears, positive tears, inspired tears & angry tears 🙂
Jenn says
My grandmother’s birthday would have been this week. She passed away 4 yrs ago and I all I Think about is how much she would have loved my little girl. So I have made to sure that I’ve given hugged her extra tight and given her lots of extra kisses since her great-grandma never got the chance.
Jessica says
My “gray” this week is that at our 20 week ultrasound for our first child, I learned that I have placenta previa. But the bright spot is that baby is otherwise healthy, it’s a girl, and I’ve been loving feeling more of her movements in my belly. 🙂
Candice says
I had that gray moment last week. I was at my bff’s wedding. The mother/son song was My Wish by Rascall Flatts. That was always my song to Graham, even before I knew he was missing part of his chromosome. Now it means even more to me as the sentiment really rings true. I just want him to be happy and to get what he wants out of this world. Every time I hear it, I get teary. Even more so at the wedding. I realized that it should be the song we dance to on his wedding day…but will that day ever come? I already know he probably will never have children, but what about marry? If I let myself worry about all the things his chromosomes may never allow him to do, I go crazy. Then I remember he is only 2…I have a lifetime to worry about those things. Right now he is just like every other 2 yr old, learning and developing, albeit at his own pace.
Thank you for this post. Like you, I am usually so optimistic and push these things out of my mind so I can keep on my path. However, reality is reality and sometimes we must face it.
Farmgirl Paints says
i’ve been gray this week…nothing to make me that way just how i’ve been feeling. i’m so sorry you have to deal with those fears. thank you for being honest. i think that is what makes this place so good for me. a little bit of reality thrown in with the bright happy days that you display so beautifully.
MonicaJBrown says
While I have the health of cerain loved ones on my mind, too, this week, my gray was of a smaller matter.
I’m currently an MFA graduate student who teaches also and my gray was the realization that I cannot fully dedicate myself to every aspect of my professional or creative life right now. My little happy bit of color was realizing I don’t have to. I might stumble creatively or professionally, but the time I’m able to spend with my (almost!) seven month old little love, Alex, more than compensates. I am making memories I will treasure. And I know this. And that is more important.
Shannon says
This is a very real fear of mine as well. And try as you may, you have to let go and let your self feel the bad with the good. Fiona is having her heart surgery the first week of the year, at only 5 months of age, and the chances of me losing her then, or later in life from her heart defect (due to downs) is beyond a nightmare that I have to face everyonce in awhile. But as you said, its today that we know and have and its today that I will enjoy.
Diana Doyle says
Kelle,
Your writing and insight into life I absolutely adore!
There will always be gray in any day….however, its what you do with it that counts.
After being to the ‘that’ place you spoke of, losing a child, which is black…..life is ‘now’ colorful everyday….because of that black.(if that makes sense)
No-one is promised tomorrow which is why we should always celebrate today and what we have, whether it be gray, colorful, or black!
My mom would say to me on my gray days to “Go look in the mirror and smile!” I hope you can do that on those gloomy gray days Kelle.
So today, I can’t pinpoint gray or color…I just love being alive! 🙂
With love
Diana Doyle x
Sarah says
VONDA…I’m laughing so loud!!! And I dont like expressions like that, but i love your story and that sisterly love!!
laurieg says
My gray is the unknown…the future in general this week….sometimes it’s my rainbow, but this week I’m just wanting it to show itself already!
My colour though is the first Christmas craft sale of the season this weekend. Yay for all of the colours that will show themselves on Saturday!
mrs.magoo says
My “gray” this week and every week is my mother who has early onset. I think about the future and what it holds for her – assisted care and I cry feeling the guilt and wondering how could *I* ever do that to the woman who loved/loves me so much. My “gray” is mourning the woman I knew slowly slip from my grasp day by day as our relationship is re-invented. The vibrant colors that call me and awaken me from my gray are that she is here and it is not the memories that we had or the ones we will make, for memories are nothing now…but more so the moment. To live in the moment and just be with love despite the painful thoughts that spontaneously leap through my mind.
KMC says
My gray this week is the looming uneasiness of my husband not being employed until sometime next year.
The painted turtle wall color in my living room always makes me happy
Tonya says
It makes me so sad that that dear lady died alone, thank God your sweet father was there for her. I believe God sent him so she wouldn’t be all alone.
My grey is watching my dear friend grieving over the foster baby she had to give back (not a good situation) She loved that little girl like her own and would have adopted her if given the chance.
My color is a nice weekend in New Orleans with my dh, brother in law and sister in law. It was a nice and relaxing break.
shawn says
my gray would have to be my husband losing his job and having such a tough time finding one. That lend me to pick up another day at work and he called today to tell me that he might have found a job OH( feeling yellow) then says we have to have his mom MOVE in to watch our lil one (gray). my color changes from gray to yellow, blue, red, purple when my son looks in my eyes and smiles and his laughter is a bright pink.
Leslie says
My grey this week is knowing that our second unborn child we’ve lost was a boy. And his loss was due to a chromosomal abnormality that cannot be linked to either one of us. So do we try again (with fertility treatments), or accept our life as it is?
Christina says
My gray is somewhat similar to yours … fear over the future for one of my children. We’ve been so focused on our son, who is on the autism spectrum, and suddenly we realize that something is up with our daughter. Something isn’t quite right with how she learns. That moment when you fear that you’ve totally screwed up … that you’ve been too focused on one kid that you’ve missed something important about the other.
My color? Every moment with my kids. Gosh, they can be frustrating and sometimes all I want is some silence or for them just to stop the bickering but when they smile … or ask me something funny … or share their high/low of the day … I realize how BLESSED I am.
Thanks for sharing, Kelle …
hannah says
i feel the constant ebb and flow of life mixed with happy and sad moments, and i like you most of the time i try to just put it all away but sometimes you just have to feel the hurt.
my daughter, lillian is turning two next week; we are having her party this weekend. and among all those joyous moments ive shared with her since she entered my life i still feel the sting of the hurt that i try to bury.
last week, after having dinner at “grandmas”, my mother pulled out the old photo albums from when i was turning two. she smiled as she touched the photos and laughed as she recalled my childhood, but i could barely look at the photos. it hurt so much to see where i was and basically where she wasnt.
but she still brings all the color to my life. birthday shopping today and brought home all her presents. let her play with them now (wrap them later) and my girl, she loves music. just like her mom. and she plays her keyboard and just dances and swings her arms and moves her hips and smiles. and god when she smiles. thats my color.
thanks for sharing, as always
Mama Mandy says
My gray right now… hmm, my gray was last week. I’m a teacher and one of my students (8th grade)got a “shot” while she was 2.5 months pregnant. That was more of a purplish, blackish-blue bleeding heart color. My soul cried. But, well..no buts, Today is better. Today is baby blue with glitter. Today I am a homecoming decorator.
Jada says
My Gray is probably that I would love to be a stay at home mom but at this time I am not able to.
The great thing is thought that my 3rd baby just started walking over the weekend! Everytime he falls down and starts clapping for himself and saying yeah! makes me smile.
Sarah Halbesma says
My gray is that I am a school principal and it sure is a busy, yet rewarding job. It’s hard not being home with my 3 year old daughter Isabel more often (but I sure love summers off).
My color is that I am expecting baby #2 (girl #2)in February and planning to take the rest of the school year off. I cannot wait to spend time with my two girls. I will enjoy every moment.
kristen says
My gray would be stress at work. The family I get to come home to is my color.
aprilanecdotes says
Hmmmm. I have been at this, raising multiple kids with DS, for a long time. I understand your thoughts but we never know if any of our kids, with or without disabilities, will outlive us. We have today only to enjoy and hold our kids and love them. You are doing an awsesome job of sharing the gray times too. They are normal thoughts. Susan
Trophy Life says
completely appropriate that John Mayer, “Heart of Life” is playing!
my gray is my current job and living location. but i’m viewing it as my “cocoon” phase and know that the flying and beautifulness of the next phase is around the corner.
my color today (literally) was the RED CUP that starbucks has out for the holidays. i LOVE them.
and your pictures of your girls were sweet, too!
irishtwinsmommababybook says
My gray is that I feel my Grandma’s cancer is taking over. But my color (besides my daughter’s kiff (kisses)) are that she just sent over two beautiful rain jackets for my girls. Those little gifts that she sends me, are going to be the reminders when she’s gone.
B says
My husband and I have been trying to conceive,unsuccessfully, for almost 3 years. During that time, I went through really, really dark storms because of it. Doctors told us that we are perfectly healthy and they can’t figure out why we haven’t gotten pregnant.
A year ago, when visiting family in Maine, I was brought out of that storm and started to see life and color again.
My gray this week:
Today I started my period, this coming right on the heels of 2 of my friends’ surprising pregnancy announcements. But I know what it’s like to be in the midst of a storm with no light or color and I didn’t want to got there again. So I focused on my color. 🙂
My color:
Looking at all God has blessed my husband and I with. He just gave us this beautiful large house and we know that God has something great planned for it and us. Whether we will be filling the rooms with kids of our own or kids that need a family and a home, we don’t know. But we look forward to what God has in store for our family.
mel@livvyloowho says
Nella is a blessing, that is for sure, and she is blessed to have her family as well:)
My gray? A sinus/ head cold! My color? Not letting it stop me from baking cookies with the girls and painting my bathroom as well:).
haveFaith says
Oh, kelle, you amaze me. I, too, have been trying to realize that you can’t just shove away those bad moments and pretend they don’t exist, for they are what make us stronger, what make us tougher, and make us even more happier for those beautiful shining moments.
My week hasn’t been too grey, other than that college has been sneaking up on me and I’m starting to slowly get more worried about what I’m going to do for next year. I didn’t get financial aid last year, and that was a BIG BIG grey for me, but i overcame it and went to community college. I want to transfer but I’m afraid I won’t be able to finacially afford it. Oh, that grey can be the worst color…
and yet it matches so well with the sweater I am now wearing, which means that grey is not always bad, and I have decided that I must trek on. So I try and work on my school work, take day by day and not worry about he future until i really have too.
My happy this week is that I feel very confident; I just got my hair done this week and I feel empowered by the slight change. It’s nice to do something for yourself and realize that it made you happier. I feel lighter and prettier and ready to face the world. A small thing to do that much to me, but it’s true, I feel very happy with where I’m at right now.
The right now is good, maybe not always great, but good is okay too. 🙂
laurieg says
My gray this week is that which is usually my colour….thinking and dreaming of the unknown…the future.
Sometimes though, on days like today, I just wanna know darnit! Is there a wedding next year? is there not? where will we be moving? does it matter? no! this is what I love! not knowing…..
My colour though is the first Christmas craft sale of the year here in town. Oh my am i looking forward to the colours of this season!
Thanks for sharing Kelle. Sometimes it’s comforting to share our grays with others grays and together somehow they blend into some kind of healing, beautiful colour.
poohwear says
You will hold Nella’s hand and she will hold yours for as long as you need to and then you will hold hearts…love to your whole family.
Diane says
Oh Kelle, what a beautifully honest and truthful post!
My baby sister Angel who is now 51 years old is living a happy and healthy life with DS even though it was predicted that she would never walk and would not live past 20. (she walked when she was 2 years old by the way…)
Meanwhile, 12 years ago our brother died suddenly at the age of 41. The real point our family has learned is that no one knows what is in store for any of us! That is why your blog resonates so much for me and so many others!!! When I was about 10 years old I seemed to understand that I would always be there for my sister if anything were ever to happen to our parents. Our 90 year old Mom is still going strong against all odds and I know she still worries about leaving me to care for my sister when she is gone (no matter how many times I have assured her since I was 10 that it is how I always knew it should be)…
Because as a family we are always there for each other in gray and in bursts of the brightest colors!
And your Dad, bless his wonderful heart, was meant to be there for a beautiful soul as her “family” in her last moments!!
The bright colors so outnumber gray if we just open our eyes and hearts to them…
Much love and Cobalt Blue,
Diane
WhatDoesTheFutureHold says
Nellas eyes are beautifuL!!!! a shade of blue/grey 🙂
My grey is not knowing what this weekend will hold. Work. all work. friday will go…class, one job, second job,sleep, and work again, sleep, work all sunday. The only color keeping me going is also grey. 🙂 seeing my boyfriend saturday night will keep me sane. the love of my life wears and owns more grey than anyone i know. He rocks full grey sweat outfits that will be three different shades and doesn’t care one bit. He rides through life on rainbows and they may be grey by choice but he does it all with a smile on his face.
Have a fabulous rest of the week. good luck on the bathroom project 🙂
Melissa
AColgan says
You are an amazing mom and such an inspiration to everyone, without a doubt. This summer I worked at a residential center for adults with both mental and physical disabilities. One of the individuals had down syndrome and had a special love for his mom, whom he would see every weekend. She would bring him back and they would dance together as a sort of goodbye for now. I know Nella feels the same for you. The pictures at the park several posts ago are proof of that.
The gray of my week has been the realization that I will be abroad when my sister will be having her baby. I’m bummed that I won’t be here for the several months leading up to it and for all the exciting events, like the baby shower. BUT the aubergine in my week is fall and everything amazing, and the thought that snow is right around the corner. 🙂
Another touch of color, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ld_UEyxE8A
Cate says
Your words about mortality hit home, as the topic often does. My gray is, as a semi-new single mom, worrying about being around for my kids. And I hate that it creeps in sometimes, but it does. That’s life, and you’re right, it’s does suck sometimes. But my color? Or colors, I should say. Rainbows. It’s the tiniest little bit of proof that magic exists.
Megs says
my grey is getting everything ready for my daughter’s surgery next week. She’s only six months old. It’s a very minor surgery but scary nonetheless.
my colour is the beautiful giggles I get from my daughter, the family picture “teasers” I just got from a photo shoot just yesterday, and that she’s starting to sit up all by herself.
Kate says
To thine own self be true. I have made that my new mantra and there have been several times this week when I’ve found myself repeating it under my breath over and over. My gray has been around for 22 years. 22 years ago today, my father committed suicide and I found him. I was 5. I am now the same age he was and now that I’m a mama I’m finding it weighing on me more. Where the problems he was facing really worth leaving all this?!
Lori says
Never once, since I “met” Nella through reading your blog, did I think about her life expectancy. I am so sorry that you have to even think about that. But your hopes and dreams for her will outweigh all of that!
Adorable bibs and perfect pictures!
Jane says
My gray this week is that our 23 year old daughter is contemplating leaving the state to live 18 hours away. We could have lost her forever when she had a bad car accident a couple of months ago. We already have a 25 year old daughter living 11 hours away. We have an 18 year old son at home still, but time goes soooo fast. I thought I’d enjoy some empty nest time, but I don’t like it so much today.
My color today is that I enjoy the work I do and I love to come to your blog to see your lovely littles!!
nana2caleb says
My gray is that I let someone into my life after 9 years of being alone. For one year we saw each other, talked on the phone, cared and loved one another. There was a bad breakup and she left. After a bit I found my colors again. On Saturday she started a harassment that can only be defined as “impaired.” I am very sad that I have brought this into my family. I let my feelings down and became vunerable. The saddest thing is I don’t think I’ll ever do it again.
aimee says
life expectancy is a scary thought but here’s a cheerful image for you 🙂 i work with a lady who’s sister comes in to work with her everyday to volunteer in the lunchroom (wiping tables, cleaning up, helping kids etc..) and she is 56 and still going strong!! she is amazing so just know that even when nella is that age she can still be working and bringing joy to other’s lives!
Kristen says
My newborn sure could use more bibs! I love them!
Susie Q says
My gray this week is seeing my parents get old….slowing down. It makes me sad. But then I think that I’m really, really lucky to be almost 50, and still have them in my life, and they’ve been really healthy 95% of their lives. So I have to continue to enjoy them and savor the memories we are making. I couldn’t have asked for more loving, devoted parents (to 7 siblings, also), and am a much better person for having them both.
Jamie Willow says
it is nice to say I don’t have a gray today. for that I am thankful. my color: rich friendships, a sweet baby boy, and a loving husband.
tomorrow there may come some gray and I will be fine. today I am just enjoying the colors. 🙂
loved your post.
Sarah says
My gray this week was when I called my gramma to wish her a happy birthday and she didn’t know who I was and abruptly told me that she had to go. bye. But on the bright side, graduate school midterms are over and I can start on the loads of laundry, inches of dust and sitcky floor! Oh and the pure sweetness and honesty of my little sister! She never says a mean thing about anyone and just has an amazingly sweet, honest personality with a blug splash of uniqueness!!
kati says
grey is actually my favorite color (and my son’s middle name) so he is my grey (but to me it’s a good thing 🙂
but i know what you mean. especially about the desperate hoping to be outlived by our children. always.
Eva Marie says
i am feeling the warm cup of coffee I indulge in every morning while me and my girl awake from our slumber ..
the future is just that.. the future.. it’s an unknown that only feels let down because of expectations we slapped on it.. we only have this very moment right now .. live for it.. breath it.. feel it.. because this moment doesn’t hold the same expectations as that .. the future
Emily says
I bought gray boots today because gray really is a beautiful color. Soak it up, girl, because drenching yourself in gray will actually make everything else pop! Love your post, as always.
Anne says
My gray came crashing in when I visited a little patient who needs a kidney transplant. Just watching her momma stroke her hand, memories of weeks in the hospital with my little came back. And then I came home to a sea of pink and purple and giggles.
Anne says
Great post. I too have a ‘surprise’ special needs daughter and like to keep a positive outlook but some days it seem impossible not to let a little gray in. This week’s gray was when someone gave my almost 4 year old daughter a play ring and I realized how much I was missing by not having my daughter play appropriately with things. But the happy is that she now comes up to me and puts her hands up to be picked up – she may not speak with words but she is communicating with us none the less.
I thank you for your blog and your words.
Stunningly Sweet says
AWE INSPIRING! My gray this week is not being able to read the minds of my students who have autism and non-verbal! I want them to be able to express themselves fully and to be understood; cared for! My color is my 11 month old Lilah, my wonderfully supportive husband, and the baby growing in my belly. I am blessed in this life!
b-mused says
Hey Kelle:),
My little (well, big:)) happy this week is that my first baby is due ANY day:). This little boy, who kicks my bladder millions of times/ day, is finally going to meet his mama and I can’t wait:).
My grey is that i’m working up until the day he’s born:), but it’ll be well worth the wait.
xoxo,
Blair
Carrie Halman says
Beautiuful words that filled my eyes with tears. My grey this week was noticing my 3 year old daughter was suddenly a little lady and not my baby anymore. I cried my eyes out because I just want to hold her back in time and never let her age. It tears my heart out knowing that she won’t be little much longer. My color in the meantime is soaking up the fun of swinging her under our tree, blowing bubbles, rocking her to sleep at naptime and eskimo kisses before bedtime.
Nora Fagan says
My grey this week is distance. 600 miles to be exact. My color is coming from the living room as I type. The sound of my baby giggling with her Daddy. Reminding me Im always home where ever those two are. Love your blog, it always inspires me. xoxo
Ellie says
As always, wonderful. Reflective and a true gift.
My Grey: My husband and I pulled our oldest out of school to bring her back home and homeschool, again. I wonder if I am making a mistake.
My color: My big girl is back with me ALL THE TIME. Baking, Painting, Coloring and reminding me of when I became amom.
Kendra says
My gray this week is trying to manage working part-time and have young kids in school. Homework is a killer, and not b/c it is too much, just a tired little boy! My color is celebrating my 12 year anniversary this week with my husband.
those bibs are so cute, could finds someone to give them to!
Life is Like a Box of Chocolates says
This post is really wonderful. I don’t have a child with Down Syndrome but I’ve spent a lot of time this year thinking about priorities and some changes I want to make. We often don’t recognize what really matters until it is too late. I personally love your eternally optimistic nature and I think I tend to be the same! I don’t like the alternative.
Victoria says
my gray…spina bifida. my sweet baby boy was born with a very unexpected dimple on his lower back. we’ve been through testing, and major spine surgery, and are moving on to the urodynamics study this week…the gray attempts to overtake me, but I am holding firm to my belief that he is and will be just fine!
your girls, and your thoughts…beautiful!
Sarah says
The gray…the uncertainty of life with a child with a neurological disorder. Everything was a struggle today – play, eat, touch. A gray day.
Stephanie says
Great post, made me cry!
My gray this week was having to miss my dad’s surprise 60th birthday party (a costume party!) because I have a new baby and we live 1000 miles away. Not too bad in the scheme of things, though, I am feeling pretty lucky right now.
My color is my 2 year old little boy is finally starting to put sentences together – even though it consists of throwing his “Cars” car into his bowl of pasta and saying “Ziti Doc!” it is still pretty awesome to hear him talk!
Mia says
My gray has come in slight shades this week. I’ve been thinking a lot about a friend of mine that was killed two months ago.
My color came back when another friend posted a beautiful article about him and his wife here (http://pinalcountylifestyles.com/Magazines/PCLifestylesMagazine-November10WEB.pdf) page 36. It also comes in the ever increasing kicks I feel coming from my baby.
Emily Hanley says
Wow, if I could name this week as the Grayest Week in History, I would. Bleh.
This weeks gray: Putting our beloved family dog to sleep. She was a Lab and she was 12 and she had a phenomenal life. So glad it went quickly, but not without an insane amount of tears.
However, this weeks color: Learning from the gray. Taking the one inevetable bad moment and learning from it. Giving our current pup an extra hug, and being sure to enjoy thet moments that our pets (and family, and friends) are still here.
Takin’ it day by day, and focusing on the here and now, just like you said!
emilyfengler says
my gray… my Ella and I are both sharing colds back and forth. at once I think we are healed of it and then again it strikes back with a cough, a sneeze, a raspy voice or Ella waking in the middle of the night because her nose is so clogged that only mommy can help clean it out – which I am happy to do… which brings me to my little happy. I am so in love with this little miss that no matter how sick I am (NyQuil and all) I bounce out of bed in the middle of the night to see that little munchkin’s face full of boogies and drool only to fix it to a smile and back off to sleepy land as only mommies can do…
Kristianna says
Grey: Continued (persistent!) unease over an uncertain future, albeit a financial one.
Color: My littles, of course, but also the amazing colors. I keep meaning to take my camera with me when I go to my daughter’s school, as the streets closest to it are truly like red and yellow covered bridges made of stained glass. It has been taking my breath away daily.
TwolittleN's says
My gray this week is the wonder if this tiny, tiny being that is growing inside me will also have an extra chromosome like his brother….my color is my four year old who brings home from preschool on every chance he can(including today)a picture that says “I love mommy”. Love reading your upbeat blog, but loving that you can have gray moments too.
Amie says
You brought a tear to my eye tonight, Kelle. Sending you a big hug.
What’s my gray this week? Two of my four children are sick and almost at the point of being inconsolable. Hoping for brighter days soon…
Shannon says
My gray this week would have to be the guilt I feel when I am torn between the needs of my two fantastic daughters. They are only 17 months apart….most of the time that is wonderful but some days I feel I am cheating them both out of the time they need one on one with me.
For sure the color is planning a garden themed tea party for my soon to be 3yr old. I dream of giving them besutiful memories to hold on to and I can not wait to add this to my little Amelia’s store of memories…
Vonda says
Okay well I was sitting here pondering this post all day and something popped into my mind. My favorite movie of all time is Fried Green Tomatoes. In it, Ninny, the old lady, tells Evelyn the story of her son, which brings me to tears every time I see it, and I’ve seen it MANY MANY times. I didn’t realize, until after I had Noah, what “Albert” was all about. 🙂
I WAS ABOUT YOUR AGE WHEN I HAD MY SON AND THEN I WENT THROUGH THE CHANGE OF LIFE….. ALBERT. WHEN HE WAS BORN,THE DOCTOR SAID IT WOULD BE BEST IF I DIDN’T SEE HIM. HE SAID HIS MIND WOULD NEVER DEVELOP PAST THE AGE OF FIVE…AND I SHOULD JUST PUT HIM IN AN INSTITUTION…BECAUSE THE BURDEN OF RAISIN’ A CHILD LIKE THAT WOULD BE TOO GREAT. WELL, I THOUGHT ABOUT RUTH. SHE ALWAYS SAID…THERE WAS A SEPARATE GOD FOR CHILDREN. SO I SMILED AT HIM AND I ASKED FOR THE BABY. OH, HOW COULD ANYBODY THINK THAT SWEET, PRECIOUS BABY…COULD EVER BE A BURDEN. WHY, FROM THE MOMENT HE WAS BORN, ALBERT WAS THE JOY OF MY LIFE, THE LORD’S GREATEST GIFT. I DON’T BELIEVE THERE WAS A PURER SOUL EVER LIVED ON THIS EARTH. I HAD HIM WITH ME ‘TIL HE WAS 30. THEN HE WENT TO SLEEP AND DIDN’T WAKE UP. SOMETIMES I CAN’T WAIT TO GET TO HEAVEN TO SEE HIM AGAIN.
Nettie says
My gray is having a friend pass away at 33 very unexpectly leaving his wife and baby girl to wonder why. My color is being able to be here for my three beautiful little boys. Being a mom brings more joy that I ever thought possible.
lisa says
My gray this week is working with a student who just can’t get it together due to reasons she doesn’t understand. My color is my beautiful grandson in his bright red devil costume on halloween!
Lisa
adickey69 says
gray – isolation as a stay at home mom while Dh works full time and goes to school full time (last semester yay!) – all the while we’re a one car family in a neighborhood with a walkable score of 16 (out of 100).
my aubergine – dancing with my sweet girl while letting the laundry sit because who’s going to see it anyway! 🙂 🙂 🙂
sister#2 says
My gray is my sister’s current battle with breast cancer and how life changes in an instant.
My happy is the sweet plump cheek of my one year old grandson that begs to be kissed when he comes to me and holds out his hands to be picked up.
Ahh…what a beautiful color that love and my pink bracelet make!
Jessie says
um gray? I painted my bedroom gray. It butts up to a pretty pinky peach and deep slate trim. I found it on one of those paint chips that tells paint challenged people what does look good together and rather than being dark or depressing…it’s really soothing.
My gray. Well infertility still stinks, but it is ALOT easier with a beautiful daughter to love on.
My color. The turkey crafts are srpinging anew!
LilianEveDesigns says
what can I say?
simply moving.
I teach down syndrome students.
Fanny says
My Fuschia ceiling in my white kitchen makes me so smitten. Hope your bathroom project works out well 🙂
Kim says
My gray this week is that my husband’s grandmother, who I was very close to, passed away. My other gray is that my mother had to have surgery, again, for spots in her breast. She has Stage 4 breast cancer. My happy is that tonight I told my daughter that “she could cry me a river” and she responded, “cwy me a wiver.” She’s only 2.
Jennifer says
First of all… your words of grey speak mountains! My Grey is my Dad’s terminal brain cancer as of 9.7.10. My color is soaking up every lucid happy moment we have left with him.
babygalah says
My gray is chronic pain and it’s best friends, depression and anxiety! My colour is….a little hard to find today. But I’ll find it in the wet nose of my pup, the love and support from my partner, a good blog post (like this one – with tears streaming down my face), excellent coffee and creating something pretty, however small and however long I have to rest afterwards.
Have a great day and keep enjoying the precious moments you have now.
Mindy says
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this blog..it is so touching and inspiring!
My gray this week is the mourning of a miscarriage we had early April this year…this week was our due date…Oh, but my color this week…celebrating the gift of new life as we are 16 wks pregnant and I have felt the first movements of our little in the womb…life is good and tears are sweet…
Jolene says
Mmm….my bit-o-color this week is seeing my 8.5 month old figure out life! Always amazes me!
Megan says
My gray was finally settling in my heart that I have to go back to work full-time after spending 2 years with my son (and working every now and then).
But my happiness is that my son LOVES his daycare (or “school”) and they love him, too. And it’s just a season. Maybe I’ll get to stay home again when I have Number 2. But for now, a little adult time during the day won’t be so bad. 🙂
The Leivas says
the first time we discussed life expectancy with our doctor I wanted to just scoop up my baby and run. I still can’t even think about it without tearing up BUT I know that God has a plan for my baby girl and that ALWAYS brings me comfort, it lights up my word and makes all the colors shine brighter!
lynxymama says
can i just give everyone on here a hug? i know that sounds trite but wow.
grey: we’re looking at another speech eval for our 4 year old, thought we were past this but i guess not.
COLOR: the holidays are coming and the 4 year old is TALKING to me, that is all that matters.
Ginny says
Just wanted to let you know that as I was looking at your post today my 11 month old was sitting on my lap. When we got to a picture of Nella, Ella looked up at me and grinned then pointed at the screen and patted her belly (which is what she does when she wants something). Precious.
My grey this week is having no money. The heater going out and a car died. But my color is definitely my baby girl, always happy and smiling. 🙂
Erin says
My Grey: I want to be pregnant. And my grey is struggling to tell myself that if it doesn’t happen, that IT IS OK. I ahve a beautiful son and an amazing husband. When is that going to be enough for me? Will it ever?
My color: My students loving their latest project and making me proud! My son just being hiself, and my loving hubby.
Thanks for the reminder to remember my colors.
Tara says
4 years ago I had my worst gray moment, when I rocked my baby girl into the arms of Jesus..saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done.How true it is that these ‘gray’ moments make the brighter times all the more sweeter.Today I hold a new baby girl, my 2 week old rainbow baby:) The love and and Joy I feel having her safe in my arms is unbelievably intoxicating:)I can’t stop staring at her or even put her down:) Totally in love!:)
Michelle says
My gray is that after 8 years of marriage and two children, I am getting divorced.
My color is my two children. They are my world and my focus. They make any day a good one!
CodynStacey says
My gray this week? My husband has been gone for work for the past 101 days. That’s a lot of gray days. He still has 68 days to be gone for work. But the colors. Oh, the colors. My little ones are my colors. They are a rainbow of colors in my world and when the hubbs gets back, I feel like we’ll never have a gray day again.
Manda says
My gray this week is my 7yr old daughters best friend being in hospital with a brain injury…from an innocent playground accident. She has been in there for 2wks and has fought so hard in that time. Last night she had to go in for emergency surgery because they found another brain bleed. My heart is breaking for her family.
The little bit of colour…she is still alive, still fighting. I believe she will overcome this.
Ktown says
This comment has been removed by the author.
Midwest Girl says
Gray: I manage a coffee shop and when my espresso machine keeps breaking down, it takes it’s toll on me. When all you sell is coffee/espresso and you can’t, it becomes a very discouraging morning to get up and go into work.
Color: I am half way into the first week of officially living with my boyfriend. The apartment feels like home, he feels like home.
Sarah says
Hi Kelle – I’m really glad you posted the gray this week. I find it important to honor the sadness and frustration and anxiety that life sometimes creates. As you said, it makes the colors more vivid.
My gray this week has been thinking of my daughter’s future, as well. She has autism and as I hear my friends talking about when their kids will be teenagers and drive them crazy and, eventually, leave home, I think of whether those things will happen for me. Of course, they will be different, but as of now we’re not sure just how much.
My vivid color this week has been the thought of having actual holiday photos taken of my kids. This is no easily accomplished feat, but I think that with the proper positive reinforcement (i.e. candy for cooperating and a trip to the indoor play center afterward), it may be accomplished this year. Wish us luck!
megtruth1 says
Hmmm… my gray… finding out that my mom wasn’t approved for a healthcare procedure she needs to have done.
My color… loving my snuggly baby boy and seeing his smiles all day long!
I am new to your blog and it has touched me and inspired me to be a better mom!
mcarrigan says
My gray this week- this whole year- is that my beautiful 3 yr old son with DS was just diagnosed with a terminal illness and has been in the PICU and heavily sedated for over 2 months. He is undergoing experimental radiation in the hopes that we may be able to bring him home. I also used to cringe about him only living to 50 and now I find myself begging God to let us get to 4.
My happiness comes from my 4 yr old son, who is probably the only person in the world I can see right now and have instant joy from.
Honi says
My color: taking a much needed, once in a lifetime family vacation.
Gray: that we are home and miss it so much. Wish that we could travel more often.
Great giveaway. Good luck to me!
Deanna says
My gray is that I was passed up for a promotion at my job but my happy place is finding out that a good friend of mine is expecting her first child!
Susan says
Kelle~
My gray is very gray:( Got a call about a new baby that I will be working with thru Early Intervention that has Trisomy 18. The parents have been told that Trisomy 18 is not compatable with life. She is 4 months old. 90% of babies with this do not survive birth, and of the ones that do, only 50% live to one month. Of those, only 10% live to their first birthday. I can not even begin to imagine what they are going through……..
And my color, that I live each moment to the fullest. Because if your life expectancy is 1 year or 50, every second is so very precious.
Your children are precious beyond words.
Susan from Boston
Ktown says
Maybe it is because I have been viewing your blog for awhile now, but when I look at the images of Nella, I can’t even see she has Down’s anymore. Like, really cannot see it even if I look for it–all I see is your beautiful baby girl.
Your posts always hit home with me b/c our children are almost exactly the same ages, although mine are two little boys.
Today’s definitely brought some tears to my eyes and a hard ache to my heart. I guess all one can say is that the colors will pop brighter against the grays.
Mama Fisch says
My gray is that stress you feel creep up. It makes your back tingle when you know no matter what that you are just over extended, too busy and you have missed some small but important things.
My happy is coming home tonight and raking, well playing in the leaves with my favorite one year old helper!
Emily Zavitz says
My grey? I had two suspicious moles removed from my neck and shoulder today– and then the doctor handed me pamphlets about dealing with skin cancer. I wasn’t prepared for that. But my color? I’m turning 30 on Saturday, and I’m excited to be in my thirties. I feel like I’m finally hitting my stride. And I’m making the most of every day. My blog is even titled The Princess and the Pea:Every Day’s a Fairy Tale.”
christine says
Life is so, so short and I’ve had to learn to grasp each moment and savor it. I love your blog for this reason, because you savor it all up and share it. Hugs!
Million Dollar Mamma says
Gray- Breastfeeding my 4 week old going BAD. 🙁
Color (Burgundy) WINE!
Carrie says
My gray – a road trip coming upt his weekend. and i’m driving it alone. and driving to a city i really hate driving through. but it’s to surprise my friend for her 30th bday so i HOPE she is surprised and that, despite of my dread for the drive, that it’s rejuvenating.
My happy color – watching my husband and 11-month old in their ‘Aqua Tots’ Oh. My. Gosh. Cutest thing ever.
I have a younger brother with Down Syndrome and I’ve had those same fears…about losing him before I’m ready. But man, he’s a rock star and I press on with the “now” knowing these are the best days. I often think of your blog post a while ago “Today is my favorite day” Soak it up, sister.
swt_angel_79 says
My grey is much the same as yours this week. A friend of a friend had their beautiful infant daughter pass away unexpectedly from seizures and it really hit home how lucky I am that my own daughters, who both have Epilepsy, are with me still. It was so unexpected and I realized this could have been my own child. I pray for peace for this child’s mother, and fear to tread in her shoes one day. The joy that my girls are still with me, the smiles and happiness all three of my kids bring me, that is the bright sunny yellow that fills my days and my heart. Nothing can replace moments like these. <3
Kimberly says
My gray this week is my complete sorrow to the Bucklin’s – a local family, the dad and 3 teenage son’s were killed in a plane crash in the mountains last week.
My color comes from my 15 month old baby girl – as always 🙂
Lisa says
My gray. . . my baby girl, Avery Elizabeth, had yet another nasty-knock-her-flat-on-her-back seizure this morning. She suffers from a rare genetic disorder called tuberous sclerosis complex. And Drs said she would probably never walk or talk. . .
My color? Standing outside her bedroom door, holding hands with my husband and her big sissy, listening to her put THREE words together over and over to herself.
“I. . . want. . . cracker! I. . .want. . .cracker!” One big box of Cheese-Its coming up, baby girl!
Take that Dr. Doom and Gloom!:)
The Brennan Family says
As a mom of a little not much older than Nella I can understand your “grey” and the fear of losing them too soon. But I can relate even more, because my brother too has DS. I often worry and wonder what will happen to my brother if something should happen to my parents.
My color today is getting a phone call from my brother saying that he got my care package and he loved the goldfish crackers.
Joan Redeen says
Wow, your post moved me…there have been times over the past 19 years of my son’s life that I have contemplated life expectancy and the reality of what that may mean slams me in the face. I am also an eternal optimist so I don’t dwell on what may be, I live in the present and revel in every moment of it. I’m grateful everyday for my past too, without our medical sciences being what they are now Jared may not have survived birth but he is here and we are loving life! Thank you for being so honest in your post and continue to cherish today because you are right, that is really all that matters!
Lisa says
Oh Kelle…there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t worry about prematurely losing my girls- it is probably the greatest fear in my life and your post speaks directly to me.
My little gray this week is bittersweet. I will be welcoming my 2nd girl into the work via c-section this Friday but I can help feeling a little bittersweet that tomorrow is Regan (my firstborn) and I’s last day as just the two of us. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited too but I’m just hope I am ready to divide my love and attention.
Can’t wait to see pictures of your new bathroom!
ksmile says
My gray this week comes in the shape of the pants I have hanging in the closet for way too long that never fit me until this morning…and..my doesn’t look big! Gray is good Kelle, it’s a reminder to reflect on what we have and where we are going, to brighter sunnier days!
J Scheppl says
My gray- seeing my husband, the hardest working man I know, now laid off of work, struggle with finding work, wanting nothing more than to provide for his family.
My color- the kindness in others- and how everything seems to happen for a reason. And how our children seem to know when we need a laugh or a little smile.
Vandy says
I want to do my happy first.
Color: We’ve had great family moments this week. They are my favorite.
Gray: My job depresses me. I’m impatiently waiting for a call for an interview. I hate waiting.
Katy says
What is giving me gray this week? Probably the lack of patience on moving and where to move to
Love the songs that you picked for this post
Jessica says
My gray this week was dropping off my 11 week old for the first time while I went to work. But, the look on her face when she woke up from her nap and realized I was back…oh, it was good.
Cynthia says
My gray this week is the realization that I’m not fulfilled professionally with my current job and yet, that this job is perfect for my little boy, who I love dearly.
And my color for this week are these delicious fish tacos I made for dinner tonight with a beautiful, colorful pico de gallo!
Love your blog, it is beautiful!
Bobi says
my gray this week is that im spending it without my husband, who is a Marine….my color is my children 3yrs and 4 months the other 2 “loves of my life” I could not imagine my life without them and how gray life would ALWAYS be if I didnt have them!
I look forward to reading your inspiring posts and seeing the pictures of your beautiful little girls everyday, so thank you!
mariposagarden says
Oh wow, this really rocked me to the core…. I love your dad, he is just the epitome of love to me.
My gray…. My husband stressing out over his job, not sleeping last night because of it and keeping me up. My daughter having an OCD meltdown this morning before school. Who do I turn to? No one, I just took some pain pills to numb myself and sleep some more to get away from the reality. But, I still turned to God and know that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13”
My day did get better as my daughter and I talked some more and I cured some of her ailments and my husband brought home a beautiful red rose with velvet petals so red and deep. I am loved by two people so deeply it hurts.
Twinkletoes says
Wow – this line couldn’t fit me more right now if we tried: “I’m treading, I’m figuring this out, I’m doing what works for me.”
The little happy for me is that I am more ahead on report cards than I usually am. Cautiously optimistic though – those who finish first are not always the winners.
Allyson C. says
my gray is living each day with the pretty raw reality that i buried my precious newborn son six months ago.
my color is living each day with his six month old twin, whose laughter makes all his fat rolls jiggle, whose blue eyes see right to my insides, and who is slowly but surely reaching his milestones in his own due time.
the gray and the color bleed and run together; the grief and joy dance a sacred dance; one doesn’t fully exist without the other. this is my daily bittersweet world. i’m learning how to embrace and celebrate both.
peace,
allyson =)
http://www.blinkphotoblog.com
Sarah Seibert says
My gray this week was the realization that in under a month I will be saying goodbye to my amazing husband and partner as her departs for his 5th deployment. They do get easier, but the loneliness is no less.
Life with Kaishon says
My gray is my fat. My never leaving, always by my side, fat. It won’t go. And I do try. I start diet after diet. I hate it. I feel like a failure. I have always been fat and never skinny. Well, once, after college when I starved myself for a year and walked approximately 10 miles a day. That year I was a normal human. A normal size 14 girl. : ( Your gray is so much graver than mine. I am sorry to even mention something so petty.
And my happy? My moment of joy? There are so many. Every day there are SO many moments of joy. Today my Kaish is sick. He has a terrible cold. And you know, when he is sick he is cuddly. So, this morning, despite having nearly one zillion things on my list of things to do, i cuddled with my ten year old. Relished in his hair smell. His smile. His little cheeks. I am savoring these days because I know they are shortlived.
Wishing you joy in your new color filled bathroom! Love, Becky
Kaitlyn says
my gray this week is being strong through my husbands depression. it’s been rough… actually no unbearable at times, yet somewhere inside me i find the strength to get through each day. my 4 1/2 mo. old girl has been my light through gloomy days.
Lisa says
What.A.Great.Post. Seriously.
I just love your blog and it always guarantees a smile, even when I’m in a gray mood. And this song…perfect. My 3.5yr old sings along with me to Coldplay and just makes me burst.
Have fun with the bathroom!
boorazzmatazz says
My gray cloud these past few days has been of my own thoughts and what-ifs. Sometimes I get into the gray part of life and I can’t get out. But then my little hauls out the crayons and colors in my world, one scribble at a time.
Katy says
I forgot to mention the colors in my life….the colors would have to be my amazing friends even if they do live far away reminding me that God will make a way for me to be out on my own when the time is right.
Amanda Lang says
My gray this week has been that I can’t please everyone no matter how hard I try…but my sunshine in that gray is that my oldest son has show and tell in Kindergarten on Friday. They have to bring something “near and dear to their heart” and of all the toys, games etc. he chooses me! Not a picture of me..but he wants me there in the flesh as his show and tell. This out does any gray! So I say to gray skies…Bring it on!
AussieMum says
I am on a mountain this week, I know there are valleys in the future as we have just exited one…but for now no grey just lots and lots of beautiful colors and I’m soaking up every minute of them!
Kat says
My gray this week is a catch 22, as the Hubs got called back to work after a layoff, which is good, but we now only get 1 1/2 hours of family time before the girls are in bed. I miss him. The colorful part being that he is back to work and even though it doesn’t look like for long again I am so appreciative of him doing what he does for us.
Jennifer from NJ says
my grey this week is feeling completely overwhelmed by my 3 kids ages 4 and under. now that the 9month old is really crawling all over the place and is getting her 8th tooth(crazy crazy) and cant sleep and be comfortable, i cant spend tiem with the older 2 boys. so i am torn into 3 uneven pieces.
my color is that i have made time for yoga each early morning and feel great and each late evening reading EAT PRAY LOVE. first book i have read in a very long time.
ps my boys are super excited to watch the space shuttle tomorrow afternoon. we waited today only to find it has been postponed.
Andrea says
Your post is a perfectly timed one for me. My job has been beating me down this past 10 days- making me feel worn and tired and rather– glum and gray actually. Your thoughts about Nella bring tears to my eyes and make me want to bear these minor troubles in my life a little more bravely.
But then- my evening tonight with my kids just made me feel SO SO happy. Ice cream cones, a happy bath, Fancy Nancy for bedtime and huge hugs and kisses. 🙂
Jen says
Oh, this post took my breath away. I wish I could NOT worry about the future and live in the now but I am a worry-er and the thought of my boy leaving me before I leave this earth has crossed my mind MANY times. The thought of that can make me spill tears at the drop of a hat. It is National Down Syndrome Awareness Week here in Canada, and it’s got me thinking about all the things I can do to promote awareness which brings me to my gray. It happened during an outing with girlfriends. One of them used the “r” word to describe the size of an object. It was an immediate stab to the heart for me and there was an uncomfortable silence at the table immediately after it was said. My mind was racing to figure out a way to address it without hurting the person who obvioulsy did not intend to harm…What brought me colour though, is, well, she owned it. After realizing she had just said the “r” word, she apologized profusely through tears and said she knew she was guilty of using that word and she was trying so hard to change. That she had read something I wrote about the word before and realized how hurtful the word was and that it just was not ok for her to use it EVER. And she was oh so sorry. You know, the fact that our family can change attitudes towards Ds or any disability is all I can ask for. I will continue to advocate with all my might but, gawd…I love that woman for owning it.
Missy. says
my gray is finding out my 7 year old son needs some reading help. it’s great that he is able to get help, and there is nothing wrong with that…but with that reality, came guilt and sadness. what could i have done more of? or better prepared him for? it’s hard wiping your kids tears…at 7…when they feel defeated in school already.
the cozy of winter is here, and brightening my gray. cheers. missy.
Denelle Downhill says
As I read your comment about holding Nella’s hand before she holds yours I can’t help but think to myself that you were chosen. Nella chose you because you’re special. So if it ends up that in the far future, and it will be far, that you are holding hers before she holds yours then I know that it’s because you were chosen for your strength and the love that she knew you’d have for her. She knew you were the one before you knew she was the one. I just know though that many many years from now things will be so different and advanced that she WILL be the one holding your hand, because she has inherited your strength. She knew you’d need her.
And one thing is for sure, there ain’t no gray in that smile of hers!
Danielle says
Similarly this week I have been feeling anxious about the fact that I cannot protect my little one forever. Bad things will happen, her heart will be broken, and I can’t stop those things from happening.
The color are these good friends that come out of the woodwork to visit with for hours on end at random times of the week. I love those spontaneous happy moments!
Stacy Monaghan says
My gray this week is not having enough time to be involved in a fundraiser for my sons pre-school. Always brings out the guilt of working full time instead of being at home full-time.
My colours unfortunately don’t come from a bathroom renovation (which I should very well plan as well!!!!!) but from a 6 year old girl who winks at me when I get home, and a 3 year old boy who won’t let go of my leg repeating “I love you”.
Stacy Monaghan says
My gray this week is not having enough time to be involved in a fundraiser for my sons pre-school. Always brings out the guilt of working full time instead of being at home full-time.
My colours unfortunately don’t come from a bathroom renovation (which I should very well plan as well!!!!!) but from a 6 year old girl who winks at me when I get home, and a 3 year old boy who won’t let go of my leg repeating “I love you”.
|LindseyScholzPhotography| says
My Gray is that my very first and only little so far had to get his shots today. I know its minute in the scheme of things and that I should be thankful that I can vaccinate my baby but it has been a miserable day! Your site ALWAYS cheers me up!! Your inspiring!!
The Riesbergs says
My gray this week…..suffering a miscarriage but my little girl has brought back the color and gives me hope. I have to put all my trust in God with these things as I’m not new to it at all and good does come with time and patience.
And I’m very grateful to have came across your blog because you have a way with words that I’ve never read before. Thank You for showing me that there is more time life and finding enjoyment in the small things.
The Riesbergs says
My gray this week…..suffering a miscarriage but my little girl has brought back the color and gives me hope. I have to put all my trust in God with these things as I’m not new to it at all and good does come with time and patience.
And I’m very grateful to have came across your blog because you have a way with words that I’ve never read before. Thank You for showing me that there is more time life and finding enjoyment in the small things.
jessica says
kelle…once again you have opened my heart and allowed me to “give myself a break”. my gray this week…and for many weeks now has been trying and not yet succeeding to get pregnant. i have wanted to be a mother for as long as i can remember ever wanting to be anything! my colors come in the babies around me. although it is hard sometimes to make the visit to a friend with a little- i always leave with a lighter heart and a brighter outlook! thank you for always writing it just so!
your babes are so so beautiful. thank you for sharing your gray with us out here. and for sharing your colors too!
susan says
Wow….
After reading this post and comments I feel the need to pray and eat a whole bowl of icing.We all have gray days but after reading some I feel like mine are so petty.
But If I had to say I gray it would be that Jana is still not walking but the color and what a sweet color it was that she told me love you today. That was the most beautiful color in the box today:)
becherbert says
grey-i’m a 1st grade teacher and we had a field trip today…i sent 2 reminders yesterday and still had zero children show up with their booster seats and only three brought their $3. =(
color-my students applied what i’ve taught them on the field trip! they explored simple machines and learned about pioneer days and i saw the knowledge transfer before my very eyes…LOVE that! =)
Kristen's mom says
I’m livin the gray every day. It’s been 15 weeks since my angel went to heaven. She was not alone, she was not incoherent and she did understand. Understand that she was going to heaven. She was loved and she knew it. She loved life. She taught me more in her short 24 years than I could have learned in a lifetime. Every day matters. Every day is a gift.
aslavik says
Oh Kelle, I am at a loss for words. My heart feels your pain and I weep for you. But I smile for you at the same time, because you are a strong woman, who can find the good in just about anything. My grey this week? Not being a good friend. Getting caught up in my own craziness that I forgot to remember others, and now I have to go back and explain myself and ask for forgiveness. My joy? Reading your Tuesday post and getting totally inspired to make my own canvas portraits. Went to Michaels today and bought the canvas, and just ordered my prints. I absolutley cannot wait! And the savings of it all? Completely thrills me and gives me a sense of victory! Hugs to you <3
Jennifer says
My Grey is somewhere tucked in the back of my conscious; be that it’s this week or another, that’s a mute point. I miss my mom. I miss her something fierce. It’s been over 5 years, and yes, I held her hand and told her it was ok to go; it was the worst. But she was freed from her body, so it was the best. I used to talk to her every day. We gardened together and we would plan together in the winter what identical plants we would plant in the spring. She taught me how to cook, bake, sew, knit, craft, garden, and most importantly, how to love. She taught me to love who I was. Yeah, she was the original rockstar. I was raised by a rockstar.
My color is my daughter and my husband. My color is also very much my mom. I see glimpses of her in Alex. And my husband sees Florence emerge in me as a mom and as a person.
As you said it’s an ebb and flow. And I empathize with your week. You never want to outlive your own child, but to live in fear is a death sentence in itself. At church tonight Pastor Henry said that fear and confidence are polar opposites. We cannot live in fear, but should let our confidence and faith in our beliefs carry us.
Thanks Kelle for making us admit the grey. You’re right…there’s a purpose to it.
Tearfully and Joyfully,
Jennifer from Annapolis
heather says
My gray for this week is the fact that I am getting closer to having to play the mom and dad role in my 2 year olds life. My husband leaves soon to go over seas with the military. I usually put it behind me and not think about it but when i do (which is about once a week) it over comes me. I pray it will get easier as time goes on..
And I understand your gary very much. My cousin was born with water on the brain and many many many more things wrong. We were told 2 years top and he made it 25. Every year was a blessing.
Keep pushing on.. And try not to let it get you down.
Hall's says
My gray this week would be having to move my entire classroom! Yes, I now have 15 special needs kids in one room and I’m running out of space! Although, it’s gonna be a pain in the butt to move everything..what joys those little kiddos are going to have with a Double room:)
dmsegel says
My gray is knowing there will be no more “littles” (most likely) in my future, but my color is the happiness I get from sewing for babies, who need things.
Lori Davis says
I don’t need a bib- or maybe some would say I do if you saw my 15 month old after he eats. I wanted to say I LOVE your blog, you inspired me to start my own. I also have a 3- year old girl and my 15 month old boy. My “gray” this week is my 3 year old as she struggles with her independence and her need for me. It can come out in a very “gray” or very black color, but we will find our way and that is the color that brings me joy. Thanks for the inspiration and the tears…..
Katie says
SO CUTE! 🙂
Jessica says
My gray this week was rather large and scary. I am 29 weeks pregnant and may be developing preeclampsia. Running tests, so we’ll see…my color was the baby shower my coworkers threw me today.
mimi charmante says
miss lovely~
as a mother, i get what you are saying. completely. and i know that you know that the future is unknown. none of us know when our time is up, and that baby girl may outlive all of you – we simply don’t know. i leave for india in five days – with a girlfriend, on my own, without the five men that mean the most to me. i feel a little selfish going – to take photos because i have dreamed of it forever. what if something happens? would it be worth it? but we have to live. we have to take every single thing we can out of this magnificent life. that way, when our time is up, we know we have done it all and loved it enough.
xx
kimberlytaylorimages.com
Jenn says
my grey this week is a friend of my husbands was killed in a car crash at the age of 39 so young and he left behing a young family. So sad and tragic.
My colour is my girls! They are just so full of life, love and happines they make me smile even when I am feeling grey.
Jordan says
I love reading your blog. It makes my heart happy reading about Nella. My best friend had a little boy with downs 19 months ago and he has been the light of my life every since. I also grew up with a cousin that is 38 who as downs so it has never been anything but normal to me. Your daughter will have that outlook which is a wonderful thing!
My gray this week is having to have a hysterectomy at 28 while still being single and childless.
My Color this week has come in the reassurance that one day I will have a child. One that someone else brought into this world for me to love and for whom I will be forever grateful for!
Thank you for being such an inspiration and ray of sunshine on days when some of us find it difficult to put one foot in front of the other!
Stacey says
Coincidentally my gray is also my color. I am 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and going for my first ultrasound in the morning. I have had 2 miscarriages since I had my daughter 3 years ago and I am terrified that it will be bad news tomorrow; however, today…I am pregnant and thrilled to be.
Angie says
Kelle, I don’t know how you do it. When I first read Nella’s birth story nearly a year ago and was telling my husband about her, life expectancy was one of the first things we talked about. Since then that thought comes to me now and then and it just kills me. Again, I don’t know how you do it. Looking into her baby blues knowing what you know…But there is so much more that’s not known. There is a beautiful plan for each and every year, each and every day that she’s here. I know how much I love my three. Gazing at them while they sleep, watching them play. I don’t know what I would do. I look at these pictures of Nella and they bring tears to my eyes. She is gorgeous. I think you are amazing for realizing what a gift each day is. How you soak up every minute…I love that. She is a gem, both of your girls are. In this house we love Nella Cordelia & Lainey Love. Know that there are many prayers offered up for you and yours coming from this heart of mine.
And right now I’m gonna dwell in that gray place. The kids are in bed, the hubby is working late and I just want to think about you and pray for your family while I have this quiet time. You have touched so many, you have touced me…this is the least I can do!
xoxo,
Angie from Ohio
Mark and Wendy says
Great post, Kelle! You are encouraging as always!
My gray and my colors this week were the same.
I got to meet and love on my 5 mos. old daughter in Ethiopia for the first time! Big, bright, happy colors, becoming the mama to this beautiful girl!
And then I had to leave her in the care of the orphanage until her paperwork gets processed to legally leave the country and enter the US. Impossibly hard. But, I just have to focus on the fact that we should be able to get her home in about a month!
Jill Carilli says
Kelly that must be really hard to even think about the life expectancy of sweet Nella. So much can change in 20 years I cant imagine how much will be different in 50!!! I love that your positive and colorful outlook always muscles out your gray though! 🙂
My Grey this week is hubby and I at odds over whether I treat my 2 yr old different from my 4 yr old. And us disagreeing and fighting a lot about my belief that they should be treated differently. In many ways one knows better (by now) and the other is just learning. So I do react differently to the same offenses. Not sure if that makes him or me right or wrong but something tells me we are somewhere in the middle… in the GRAY! 😉
My color this week is getting caught up on my blog with cute Halloween photos. 🙂
Kourtney says
My “gray” is mixed with every color of the rainbow. BitterSWEET. My baby boy turned one a few days ago and what would not seem like a big deal at all—dropping his bottles and switching to milk in a cup—is a little sad for me. Feeding my crazy and active little man those bottles every few hours each day have been the only time I get to hold that sweet calm baby in my arms and stare into his beautiful eyes. It’s hard letting go of that! But I am finding JOY and all bright color in all the other fun new things I get to enjoy with him! His personality is in FULL bloom and he is so. much. FUN. I have found my inner child again and could not be more blessed to spend my days like that with him! Accepting change can be good. 🙂
Ktown says
Maybe it is because I have been viewing your blog for awhile now, but when I look at the images of Nella, I can’t even see she has Down’s anymore. Like, really cannot see it even if I look for it–all I see is your beautiful baby girl.
Your posts always hit home with me b/c our children are almost exactly the same ages, although mine are two little boys.
Today’s definitely brought some tears to my eyes and a hard ache to my heart. I guess all one can say is that the colors will pop brighter against the grays.
Ktown says
Maybe it is because I have been viewing your blog for awhile now, but when I look at the images of Nella, I can’t even see she has Down’s anymore. Like, really cannot see it even if I look for it–all I see is your beautiful baby girl.
Your posts always hit home with me b/c our children are almost exactly the same ages, although mine are two little boys.
Today’s definitely brought some tears to my eyes and a hard ache to my heart. I guess all one can say is that the colors will pop brighter against the grays.
Party of Nine says
Your post made me so sad. But I love the fact that you are a the glass is half full kind of person. My gray this week: I can’t keep up with my schedule. My colors are my wonderful husband and 7 children, though!! XO
Jill says
Ah, sh**, you said it…the gray cloud that finds it way to me all too often during these past years with my 4 year old beautiful daughter. Life expectancy. How will I have the strength to hold her hand and say goodbye? How can I live a single second without her? Yet (if she outlives me) how can I not be there for her to say goodbye? Who will hold her hand? Will she be alone? How can I not be there to tell her I love her when she needs me most? Will her brother be there for her? Perhaps a husband? A friend?
Every day I try to decide what would be better. I think so much about it that you would think I have a choice in the matter. I guess I am just trying to find pros/cons to each scenario to make me feel better. For now, I’ve decided that we (me, husband, daughter) will all peacefully enter heaven at the exact same time. Problem solved! =)
And for the daily color — damn, my little girl is so stinkin’ fun, cute, bossy, stubborn and smart. She and her brother (2 years younger) are the best of friends and I am forever grateful they have one another!
Love,
Jill B (Overland Park, KS)
http://lexiandluke.aboutmybaby.com/
–Love you, Poppa Rik! Really, I didn’t know is was possible to think so highly of someone I’ve have never met! You don’t know how much it means to be that you took the time to be there for that woman. I hope and pray someone will be so kind to do the same for my daughter if I cannot be there.
–I’ve read through all of the beautiful comments. Thoughts to each of you as your gray turns to color!
ab90 says
My grey too is that even science can’t tell me an approximate life expectancy of 2 of my little girls. But when they bury their faces into my shoulder when they’re tired or shy, or laugh at the funny part of the story, they can make my heart smile and the whole world seem brighter.
The Conner Clan says
I’m not going to lie, your blog made me sad tonight when I read it and saw adorable Nella but it also made me happy to see you’re enjoying the today, the right now. I hope you have many more “todays” ahead of you 🙂
Kourtney says
AND – I meant to include this before… Your words and attitude are beautiful. You seem so strong. I hope you get to enjoy many DECADES with your sweet children. But most importantly, a beautiful TODAY!
The Hoths says
my gray has been trying to make ends meet since my husband got laid off! My color is without a doubt my two little girls. I’d be nothing without them!!
jolie says
My gray this week is getting caught up in other’s bummer situations! As much as I feel bad for my friends…my happy is being ever so thankful that I have a loving and faithful husband and I’m not in those bummer situations.
Special K says
Well despite 450 previous comments I will add mine in the change that it will make someone smile or nod.
My two healthy-for-now kids (aged 4 and 6) had a frank discussion about moms and how sad it was that my moms’ mom is not here and she died before I got to know her. That of course led to when are you going to die. I reassured them it would be when I’m 70 and they are adults, maybe even grandparents. And even that was not late enough. My sensitive Logan wanted reassurance that I would be last, after him. If perhaps, decades in the future, your sweet souls die before you, take solace in the potential that their sweet hearts could not handle you leaving first. Sometimes that is the way of life. Backwards but right all at once. We always called Logan my backwards boy. He did everything in the wrong order, and if he should pass before me, I would only hope that it was for a very important second life, work as an angel, etc.
Hugs. My gray moment was a talking to at work about how much I stink as an architect. And my complete misery. Only to be followed by a team of supporters of “Team Me” that lifted my spirits into realizing it’s not me, it’s them, and I can survive til I find something new, and my goodness I will deserve every moment of happiness in this new place when it comes. Someday.Three layoffs. Ready for happiness again.
Kerrie says
my “gray” this week-
my husband has kidney disease (age 33) and at some point we know he will need another major surgery. He only has one working kidney and both of his kidney’s are connected, so we worry about the “good” kidney getting infected. On Tuesday my hubby asked me to take him to the ER for kidney pain. After several tests they think he passed a stone (he has passed over 35) and we were able to leave!!
Knowing that everything is OK for NOW just reminded me of how special NOW is 🙂 I am not promised tomorrow so I need to make the best of today!
Thanks for your post!
Jenn says
My gray is that I’m really struggling with having to work outside the home while my last baby grows up…I can’t believe he is 16 weeks tomorrow! 🙁 But the gray is driving me to work harder to get my photography business going full time so I can hopefully become a work at home mom and be here with him sooner rather than later.
4under3 says
My gray this week is the emotion that has come along with our decision to move 3.5 hours from this wonderful, beautiful town of ours. We’ve grown the best friends here and I swore I’d grow old with them here. But move we shall.
That being said, along side the “throat constricting sadness” is the small splash of color that continues to remind me that He must have really big plans for us in this new town we’re moving to. And for that I’m encouraged.
Tiff
momijitomitsukoshi says
You know what Kelle? I really have nothing that I should or could call gray at the moment.
Life in general could do with a litte more colour, but things are good.
I refer to these days as ‘vegemite sandwich’ days – always something to eat, even if it is not the most exciting and sometimes just a little unpalatable, but we are sustained.
It’s the ‘creme brulee’ days that we appreciate all the more because we have eaten so many ‘vegemite sandwiches’ they are just about coming out of our ears!
Love to Poppa. It must have been so difficult for him last week. He has such a loving heart :-).
So my ‘creme brulee’? Having some renovations done at home, while we are at work. Coming home each day to see what litte transformation has taken place!
jshipp says
My gray is coming home from a long day at work and having my 1 yr old daughter reach for her dad instead of me. My color is 5 minutes later, when she’s petting my hair and whispering in my ear – ma ma, ma ma.
Jaz says
Kelle, I don’t have kids as I am struggling with infertility, so the bib does me no good. Should my comment be chosen I would like you to donate it to a baby in need. I just wanted to tell you my “gray” and my “rainbow after the storm”. Gray: My grandmother passed away on Saturday. My rainbow: Death reminded my family and I that we need to live harder, love stronger, and laugh more often.
Cara says
My gray is that the hubs is out of town all week. I miss him and so does my daughter. My color is that I get to know my daughter more and more each day. She amazs me. SHe is such a determined little thing. She is going to be quite sassy, I can tell.
Jen says
Well said Poppa—“Don’t let the worries of tomorrow steal from you the joys of today.”
The last photo of Nella is adorable.
My grey is wondering whether my mother who has PKD and is in kidney failure will find a kidney donor. The one we thought she had backed out, and she is inching closer and closer to dialysis.
My color is seeing my husband’s eyes smile when he looks adoringly at our 19 mo who also has Ds. Seeing him with her makes everything else seem trivial at that moment.
I think being a parent of a child with special needs is like going to the eye doctor; it isn’t the frame that helps perspective change, it’s the lens. If we become too far-sighted, dwelling on the might be’s and what if’s we’d lose our freaking minds. Being near-sighted and staying focused on the present joys helps keep the lens in perspective. Sure, we can see that there is uncertainty in the future, in some ways more than that of a “typical” child’s parents, but life if fragile and uncertain. So whatever life’s circumstance, pick the frame you like and rock it out in the here and now.
Kristyn says
Thank you, Kelle, for reminding all of us that only by holding the grey in one had can we appreciate the colour we hold in the other.
And thank you to each of the 400+ comments above me. As I’ve read about the struggles and challenges so many of you face, it’s all too clear that in this world we will have troubles, and that the most vibrant colours come from walking through the darkness.
I’ve been living with my grey for two and half years, since the day I found out my husband was not the man I thought he was. My world literally fell apart for me that day, and I could not imagine living in colour ever again.
And yet it is because of the challenges we have faced, and not despite them, that I can honestly say I love him more today than I ever have. My colour is the colour of hope, of the light at the end of the tunnel, and the new dreams that I hold for my family.
“I’m treading, I’m figuring this out, I’m doing what works for me.” Amen.
Kristyn
P.S. The world needs more people like your Poppa. To give of himself, to fill a need for a virtual stranger, is nothing short of beautiful.
Aimee says
As a special education teacher I have a similar grey… losing my little ones before it is their time is a place that I rarely like to go. But reality says that their bodies have already gone through so much (surgeries, seizures, the list goes on). But I too replace those greys with the magentas of one of my wheelchair bound “babies” in a walker for the first time at school, sitting in a “regular” chair for reading instruction, and being next to the toilet when another goes potty like a big boy for the first time at age 11!!! Oh yes, those greys are not easy to think of at times, but the vivid colors that fill my classroom daily drown them out…
Dawn says
Thank you for your beautiful post and the realism of it all.
My “gray”…worrying about a friend who is currently undergoing all the IVF shots and patches and such to try and get pregnant. We will know right after Thanksgiving if it works. My “gray” is trying to be so optimistic it will work but also worrying like crazy that it’s not going to and the devastation that will follow.
Also ,that our house has been on the market for a year and a half and we can’t move forward in our life plans until it sells…which I wonder will ever truly happen.
Raimie says
Dear Miss Optimism,
Gray is the realization that there are things I will never have time to do, books I will never read, words I will never have time to write.
But the color shines through when I remind myself of my favorite quote that says, “Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.”
I need to paint the bounderies of my life’s expectancy in that color.
Love,
Crying Rainbows in NE
gin says
My gray is the random pain episodes my two year old has been having for the last 2 weeks and the fact that no one can tell me what’s causing them. In way that’s a positive, too, because her anatomy is completely normal. The greatest color for me is the outpouring of support from friends near a far.
Nella is getting bigger and more beautiful every day.
crystal says
Kelle
First of all, thank you for writing you are amazing!!!! I don’t know if you will read this or even get this but I wondered if you could do a post on your Poppa.
You guys seem like you have such an amazing relationship that is so rare and so beautiful! Please don’t think I am crazy but your dad is such an example to me of the love of Jesus.
When you posted him hoisting the boombox on his shoulders for two miles I cried…! I want to be your dad (except I am a mom!)for my children! Please please please can you do a post on your Poppa–please
Laura F. says
I have a complicated gray this week… or more like 2 grays. My 94-year-old grandmother has been visiting and staying with us… a special time with me and my boys that I treasure. She’s completely amazing… she’s 94, lives by herself in a beautiful condo on the bay by the beach, has an abundance of family and friends, is super sharp and witty, does email and Facebook, and on and on. Totally amazing. But sometimes she can get to feeling really, really sorry for herself and as much as I try to empathize, it hurts me to hear, “Wait until you are 94.” The only thing close to tragedy that she has experienced is the loss of my grandfather when he was 80… after a lifetime of love, 56 years of marriage, 3 kids, 8 grandkids, many travels, and years living in the condo on the bay by the beach. I keep thinking, if I live to 94, I will probably have buried a child… my sweet boy with the magical chromosome. And the thought of giving birth to my son and burying him takes my breath away. And in those crazy moments where I allow myself to try to imagine that, I only think that if that does happen, then my sweet boy would have never been without me, never taken one breath without me, never not known my love. Crazy, huh?
And my other gray this week is my own mortality… my annual mammogram is on Friday. I’m 35. My mom was only a year older than me when she got stage 3 breast cancer back in 1983. She’s a complete inspiration and lives each day as if it is her last and is now 63! For the past 5 years, every 6 months, I march into the Breast Center for either a mammogram or breast MRI, knowing that I must face reality and face it head on. I sit there in that moment of time, that small sliver of space, wondering if this is The Time. And wonder if my boys will grow up without a mom and my husband without his wife. And each time when I am given the all clear, I march out of that office, take a deep, cleansing, grateful breath, and head to the cafe for a fabulous cup of coffee. And delight in driving home in rush hour traffic because I am alive, healthy, have a great cup of coffee and the minivan to myself! 🙂
Kind of crazy… this week’s juxtaposition of my son’s mortality and my own. But, ah, the beauty of one day at a time.
And my colors are always my boys… my sweet Ian with his magical chromosome and his new animal sounds… I never thought I would get choked up and teary at hearing my little snake “hiss” with a beautiful, life-affirming grin. And my sweet boy Joey who has the day off from school tomorrow… and I am looking forward to the rain forecast because we have the entire day in the house and I get to soak up all of him that I miss now that he is in all-day kindergarten. I love who he is and who he is becoming but these days off allow me to slip back into the comfort of the days when he was little and our day was open and free and home was all around us…
Erin says
Whew…the tears ran honestly down my cheeks with this post. But thank you, Kelle, for stirring our emotions so poignantly.
My gray(s) this week….having strep throat and crashing like I haven’t in a while. Finding out that a friend of a friend committed suicide over the weekend, leaving behind a sweet little girl and wife who only has a hastily scribbled post-it note with his last words. I don’t even know them, but it shook me.
Happy colors: the pink flush returning to my cheeks now that the antibiotics are kicking some bacterial booty. The yellows, browns and reds on the leaves falling to the ground. The color of my and my son’s citrine birthstone, because we both have birthdays this month. All of the colors in the candy bowl leftover from Halloween. Yum.
My sister is having her first baby next year – after years of trying -and I know she would love a cute bib.
Happy November, Kelle.
cutebanana says
My gray is an alcoholic father who could die and never know God’s loving grace. my bright color is my husband introducing the Oompa Loompa’s to our 1 year old son tonight and the goodnight kiss my 11 year old daughter placed on my cheek.
Douglas says
Those eyes are enchanting…your family is amazing. Marissa
olivia kae says
kelle,
thank you for your definition of grey. i am encouraged. i have had my own grey days this week for many many reasons and i like to proclaim myself as the over optimist but sometimes, its downright exhausting. thank you for the uplifting note. youre wonderful with your words and i admire your strength! love to you and your girls!
Tisha says
my grey was today – i booked the flight to leave my babies for 4 days for work.
my color – knowing my babies will be in the capable hands of their daddy and hoping those 4 days will strengthen the bond between them. also anticipating the day i return and the ginormous hugs and smiles that will await me (silver lining to leaving).
Tisha says
my grey was today – i booked the flight to leave my babies for 4 days for work.
my color – knowing my babies will be in the capable hands of their daddy and hoping those 4 days will strengthen the bond between them. also anticipating the day i return and the ginormous hugs and smiles that will await me (silver lining to leaving).
cejer says
My gray is family serving on the mission field miles upon miles away from family during the holiday season BUT my color is that some will come to know Him because of their presence there:)
→Daniele← says
Oh boy, your hand holding remark got my throat all constricted.
My gray this week and happy this week are one in the same I think. My baby had a cardiologist appt on Friday, first one in 6 months to check on her vsd. She hadn’t gone for so long because she’s doing so well and I kind of almost got to pretend it didn’t exist, she is thriving and so healthy. But being back at that office, seeing her cry and try to comfort her as she endured a long echo and ekg…thinking over and over that no baby should have a cardiologist…the reality all came back of her diagnosis and the whole thing just makes me sad and feel bad.
But my happy, my color, is that the hole got smaller and she is so healthy, it’s not affecting her. We’re cleared to not come back till she’s 2! Nine hole months. Gray and happy.
Hugs Kelle!!
Meagan Harris says
My grey… my mom speechless and in tears on the phone this week about my younger brother dealing with scoliosis and the possibility of him having to have a rod put into his back. Trying to help her see the bright side of “that grey”…
Katherine says
Your post really touched me. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with us.
My gray this week is my anxiety. I’ve been struggling with it and trying to keep perspective so that I can enjoy each day instead of getting bogged down.
My color this week– oh without a doubt it is my boys. My chubby, delicious, just started babbling baby and his funny, creative, challenging but always loving big brother.
Mindi says
I’m full of prayers for a family in need. 4 children, two of which are 2-month-old twins and the mom suddenly developed a heart condition and needed heart surgery this past week and will likely have another in 5 years before needing a transplant. The positive? Surgery went well and her recovery is going well. God is good!
The Sanchez Family says
My gray this week? Preschool….picking out a preschool that is right for Joaquin and that will accept Joaquin…it’s scary…it’s unchartered territory…but I’m ready to sail.
My little happy? Joaquin peeing on command. Funny how the smallest silliest things can make my week! It’s hilarious…mostly because he cracks himself up while he does it!
Cameo's Angels says
Although I don’t need the bibs, which are adorable, I wanted to post my gray. Ever since I have read your blog I have come across some other people blogging about adoption of special needs children. I have always been drawn to these children, throughout high school and my entire teaching career. I find them (all special needs) amazing and such a gift given to this world. I was taken back by the horrific stories of these poor babies over in EEurope. I stumbled upon Reece’s Rainbow and ever since that day over 6 months ago I have been trying to wrap my head around adoption. So this is my gray for this week. I can’t seem to get their faces out of my head and I can’t help but feel that undescribable pull towards what I know will forever change our family. But after a day like we had in our house (screaming 18mth old-teething and an attitude filled 3 yr old and babysitting a very awnry 2 yr old) I am just not sure. I am there with you on everything you said. And I am so praying for you and your comfort, you my sweet blog friend, didn’t have to option of whether you wanted her or not. I appreciate your honesty and making my emotions about this seem not so un-natural. May God comfort you and thanks for reminding me to take a breath and soak it all in.
michelle lynn says
WoW!!just scrolled thru your comments and have never left one before, although I always feel such odd connections to you for some strange reason.. but tonite after re-painting my newly gray bathroom, I came into bed checked your blog and was blown away by your words as I often am.. yes its ok to be a lil gray sometimes and I was very hesitant on my gray bathroom but it “rocks” strangely enough I picked a color for an accent wall in my bedroom and lo and behold its the almost identical color as your new bathroom color.. cant wait to see it and look forward to reading your beautiful words and viewing your creative photos.. I too am a photographer who left a full time teachers aide position to persue what I love. well enough of my rambling.. just so happy I finally posted a coomment.. thanks for helping me “enjoy the small things”
Kathryn says
Kelle, you inspire a new love of life everyday. Even on the gray days.
Our gray day: Knowing that we are saying good bye far too soon to my husband’s aunt after a courageous struggle with cancer.
Our color: The impromptu trip I took…throwin my 4 year old, 2 1/2 year old and 6 week old in my van, grabbing my mother in law and driving from California to Idaho JUST to say good bye. It the spontaneous moments that I often find filled with the most love!
Audrey says
My gray this week was the passing of my beautiful Great Grandmother. Even at 90 years of age she was taken too soon.
The color in it all? Seeing just how beautiful of a legacy she left and how incredible my family is. You can learn a lot from a woman who was married for 71 years and fought for her life until the very end.
iColossus / Monster says
GRAY: my two little guys squabbling over who gets to sit in my lap.
COLOR: my two little guys squabbling over who gets to sit in my lap!
Cuz none of us are promised tomorrow and, inspired by this blog, I try to focus on the good and focus on today!
Lobbing a Crayola bomb your way.
Michelle says
I’ve just recently been introduced to your blog and your family. I love it! I have a 5mth old boy with DS. It’s funny, your blog post today mirrors thoughts i have sometimes too. I also wonder what would happen if my hubs and I “go” before he does…who would take care of him? I’ve got 2 daughters that LOVE him and SQUEEZE him and can’t get ENOUGH of him but still those thoughts are there. But then I come back to the here and now and try to appreciate the present…because the present is where all those beautiful colours are!
bobbiebrownphotography.com says
I love this… it feels like a little something we like to do that we call High/Low. Okay, my gray this week would be worring about money. My color would be having 5 photoshoots in 3 days to help pay the bills! And my girls of course… they are oh-so-colorful! (I can never seem to just stick to one ‘high’ or ‘color’!)
One blessed mommy says
reading your blog made my gray feel so petty and stupid. But then again, I often feel like I should not have the gray that I do and I should not let it bother me.
my color…my gorgeous, healthy, intelligent, funny babies. They are my forever color.
thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hunter's Mom says
My gray this week is my imminent return to work in less than three weeks, and the realization that someone else will be caring for my soon to be 1 year old preemie. Who has hydrocephalus, a shunt, and is fairly delayed. Does he have separation anxiety? I have no idea, because I’m always there.
But I have three more wonderful weeks to spend with my little guy. And being around other children will surely do him good.. modeling after them, learning to play with other children and interact. And he’ll still be my sunshine every day when I get home from work.
kel says
I sit here studying at school, study break and that one brought tears to my eyes. I felt your words.
the thing coloring my world right now are dum dums. i have a big bag of them with an assortment of flavors. I get back to my studies now.
ayshamartin says
I just love this post; your writing is so raw and full of real emotions. It had me in tears.
My grey this week is waiting to find out if my proposal to return to a job I love on a part-time basis (rather than full-time) after my maternity leave is finished will be accepted.
That said, I really do have lots to be happy about and it mostly has to do with my terrific husband and my two amazing little girls.
Zeller Family says
My gray has been learning my daughter does truly have a dairy intoloerance. My color comes in knowing we can work with it and rocking my son to sleep today while on my lunch break. Those little moments make those 5 extra minutes magical.
Stephanie says
My gray this week: it’s the one year anniversary of my grandma’s death. I cry.
The joy of the week: my 7-week old daughter whose middle name is my grandma’s name. When she looks at me, my grandma sees me too. I cry again. Happy tears.
Mrs.BigTime says
My marriage is gray this week. Not bad, just off. Stress of my job and from my husband’s school is throwing us off and we’re just, well…gray.
My color however, is tomorrow will be brighter (be it actually tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that) and we’ll get back on track because my favorite color, the one that always brings joy to my heart, is the fact that I love this man of mine more than I could put into words and he loves me too. That simple fact makes even the gray days beautiful.
mary says
Your openness to delivery the blunt truth inspires me daily. Life is a reality, and sometimes, the aspects are hard to deal with, but alas, they are still there haunting us every day. I feel better about the fact that amidst the world of brightness, you choose to face the gray head on, for what it is, and aknowledge it’s existance. Most people choose to push it away like it’s not really there.
My gray right now, is knowing that this Holiday season, will be my beloved grandmother’s last with us. A role model, a beautiful and strong woman, and the woman I was named after, I have kept her close and special to me my 27 years of life. Letting her go will be the hardest thing, rivaled by nothing so far in my life. It has taken on a shade of darkest gray in my life I cannot put to words. However, amidst all of this gray, the color in my life right now is my sister welcoming her first child early next year. With life ending, comes new life. This is a child they have waited on for years, and seeing my older sister turn to me for advice, and seeing the excitement written all over her, that is my color. A bright, pepto pink, as only a baby girl can bring into this world of ours!
Meghan Boyer says
Your words are beautiful.
My grey this week . . . separation anxiety. My almost 8 month old is attached to my hip making it difficult to do anything, even take a quick pee. That doesn’t sound grey really. The real grey is that it’s annoying. I think back to my first son who was stillborn one week before he was due (and also diagnosed with Down Syndrome) and remember thinking that every moment with our second son who came a year later would be cherished. And now I’m annoyed.
The color . . . writing it out. Just getting the words out seem to brighten the day, the annoyance is still there, but it is bright and hopeful and sure to pass at some point. Right now, I’m going to snuggle with my bubba and take a few extra minutes to hold him before bed. You know, for his sake 😉
Rachel says
My gray: My daughter’s “accessories” are now more expensive than mine! She has orthotics, hearing aids and will be sporting some very cool Nella spects soon.
My color: She is the light of my life and that smile gets right to the core of my soul every time she flashes it at me and wraps her little arms around for a hug! She is priceless and worth every penny!
snowhiteliny says
My gray is that I am working full time while my husband is going back to school and we have opposite schedules so that one of us is always with our 11 month old…and my favorite color is coming home from work and my son hearing my voice and crawling as fast as he can to meet me at the door…I just melt!
Kay says
My gray this week is I’m so darn sleep deprived!
My color – the cause of the sleep deprivation happy and smiling! And, an extra hour of sleep this weekend!
Suzanne says
awesome post. brought tears to my eyes. thank you for reminding me to always enjoy the small things. always.
Miriam Lusk says
I live in an area where winter lasts 6 months out of the year (at least). And my gray moment was realizing that winter is here. and it’s here to stay for a long long time. But it made me see the colorful opportunities that snow and Christmas and skiing can bring. And I love those bibs. And I love your blog. It brings so much joy to my day.
GraceesMommy says
This post just makes me wanna hop a plane to Naples and give you agreat big momma Joy hug and tell you to hold her tight and enjoy every blessed second with your girl.
My gray this week was when my girl asked me about her adoption and who had her in their belly if I didn’t and would she ever meet her…it took my breath away and not in a good way but in a painful way. I want her so badly to be just ours and I know that someday it just may break my heart to have to share her. When she was born it seemed like forever before she would question things like this..damn it is knocking at my door and I am not as cool with it as I thought I would be..I do not want to share my girl.
My color this week would be that as Gracee was piping cupcakes that she made with her nana she turned to her nana and said “I like making things like my momma makes”…that would be me..I am her momma no matter how she got to me. ♥
Suzi says
my gray is always the same..chronic pain…but you wake up with the gray and decide to make the day yellow instead…works most of the time…but the gray is always the undercoat….
my thing that brings me the happy is simply love from family…daily…
Katy says
Thank you for this post, just what I needed to read!
My gray is that in the past month, my husband has traveled 3 out of four weeks, I’ve had a miscarriage, and we all had horrible colds.
My color is that I wouldn’t trade it for anything and I know exactly how lucky I am. Of course, I wish I hadn’t lost a baby but it made me realize how incredibly fragile life is and how incredibly lucky I am to have my two little peanuts to tuck in each night. There is nothing like my babies’ smiles and giggles.
It is so easy to get down in the dumps when life keeps throwing crap your way, but life is beautiful and in my experience, feeling pain just amplifies your feelings of joy, if you let it.
Dina says
Thanks again for these kinds of posts, they are the ones that refuel me and make me realize im not alone. My grey this week was that I have too much on my plate that I broke down, trying to please everyone and no one understands (in my family) what it is like to be a first time mom of a baby with DS. I feel like a clown trying to keep too many balls afloat! 🙁 BUT! My little guy started trying to flip and does full twists on his mat now, just what his IEP asked for, he is doing sooo well for his five little months!
PS- He NEEDS that BIB lol 🙂
ItRocks2BMom says
My gray this week and many weeks: I’m married and have two children and yet at times I feel completely alone. So much more to that story and was actually thinking of posting about it, but..not sure I’m ready to be that open and vulnerable to the blogging world. At least I know you’ll have a million comments so mine will easily be missed but somewhat therapeutic to put it in writing 🙂
My color – I have a roof over my head. My husband loves our children with all of his heart. And my kids adore me – as crazy as that is 🙂 Lucas is sayin mamamamama right now too and it’s awesome.
Picture Parables says
My gray today was definitely the scare of possibly losing our unborn baby. My bright color was the hope of knowing that my little one is kept in the safe hands of the one who gives us life.
Starrymedgirl says
My gray: sleep deprivation from my 5 month old whose teething is much more laborious than I remember my 3 year old daughter’s being.
My color:The same little guy reaching his little palm up to rest on my cheek while I feed him. It slays me. And reminds me that the real gray would be to not have the privilege of waking up to take care of such a sweet little dude.
Love your blog, Kelle. Loved this post.
kay4244 says
My gray this week is that our cat peeed on the couch again and I am at a lost on what to do. He is my daughters cat and she loves him but I WILL NOT put up with cat pee. My happiness is watching my youngest smile and coo at her sister.
RMAinMD says
,,,gray gets a bad rap, it’s a beautiful color and deserves to be celebrated like we do when we are feeling “pink, purple or orange”,,,
Amber says
Oh Kelle. I just can’t imagine having to hold that potato and I’m sorry you do. I wish I had grand words of wisdom, but I don’t. The idea leaves me speechless, really.
I have to admit that I live in gray a lot, really. I’m not a dedicated pessimist, but not really an optimist either. But today I don’t gave a gray to share, and although if I sat on it I’m sure I could come up with one, I’m not going to force the issue. Because a day when I can’t immediately call to mind a battle I’m waging – well, that’s some color right there. (Says Amber of the Aubergine Dining Room.)
(The self portrait is GORGEOUS, by the way. Just stunning.)
Jess says
My gray: I suffer from anxiety that always tries to turn my grays into blacks…
My color: My beautiful 3 month old son that lights up my world and keep my skies sunny
Mama Parks says
First, please give your pops a huge hug from me!
My grey has been that Colbie just started OT and while were getting positive feedback, I still worry that it will never be enough for her. She is doing so well with her milestones but the only thing I have to compare it to is her bigger sister (2 in Oct) so of course I feel like it’s never going to be enough. We will keep trucking and doing everything we can but there is a part of me that worries…non-stop.
My colors are my beautiful girls. Colbie is one of the lucky ones that doesn’t have any heart issues or thyroid or digestive so there are many times I am holding, rocking, playing and loving her that I snap out of it and say to myself “she DOES have Down syndrome” because there are MANY times that I simply forget. To us, she is 100% who she is supposed to be. That makes my life bright and cheerful. Her big sister is taking on said role and helping and when I see her imitate me soothing Colbie with her baby dolls, I feel as if I am doing something right.
Thank you for your post. Much love.
Mama Parks says
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Kara says
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Jenn says
Kelle, I am in love with your blog. Thank you for being so genuine – you are a refreshment. My grey is reading about sadness, grief, and loss and feeling like life is not fair. My color is knowing that my amazing Lord and Jesus never gives us more than we can handle and is always providing and watching over us.
Jess and Brent says
Beautiful post. I teared up as I read it to my husband, who agreed that you are an amazing writer.
This week my gray has been the unknown as well, but with what motherhood will bring in general. I am just over half way through my first pregnancy, and with every week that passes, I have more and more questions.
On the bright side, I’ve found an amazing group of mom’s in my area that I trust to advise me when I need it. Thankfully they are always there when I call with questions, and hopefully will continue to be there for many years to come.
VeryGratefulLife says
Oh, Kelle. Thank you for making me realize that I’m not crazy. I sometimes think I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what ifs. What if something happens to me and I can’t be here to raise my darling, beloved little girls? I see crime stories on TV and obsess about different awful things that can happen to my girls. I see stories on the news about children who suffer painful illnesses and I feel sick to my stomach thinking of my girls experiencing that kind of pain. And then I feel awful guilt for just how much color and beauty and joy I have in my life…and go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole, trying to understand how and why God allows so many to suffer; while so few, like me, seem to be so blessed. So, maybe I am a little crazy. But it’s helpful. Like some sort of therapy…to read how someone I adore…you…and your readers…also ‘naturally’ experience all the worries and wonders and fears that I’ve felt since the moment my first little girl drifted into my life.
My only gray? If my daughters are like oxygen to my life, my mother is my heart…she had a heart attack last year and ever since, the reality of her mortality hangs over my heart. I usually push it aside and focus on today. But sometimes, the knowledge that there will be a day when she’s not here … well, it clouds my whole world with gray bordering on black. I try to remind myself that ‘worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength.’ And then I go snuggle with my girls.
Cory says
My grays and colors are the same this week… found out I was Pg a couple weeks ago, but fear a mc all the time, but am trying to just stay here in happy pg land. And ohterwise I enjoy the magic of our ordinary days. I love my chics sooo much, and like you from time to time the things that scare me about Ds are the things that could take River from me too early. And I fear those things too with even my non-enhanced chic. I thought I ordered a bubble for them, LOL, but it never showed up, so… away we go holding Gods hand. 🙂
Mandy says
I get such joy in my day by reading your heartfelt and raw words.
My gray comes in the form of my parents divorce being final today after 32 years of marriage. It has been a long time coming, although that does not make it any easier to handle. I’d like to think that as a 30 year old, I could be a big girl about it…but I’m struggling 🙂
My color comes in the form of my favorite colors (bright, citrusy colors!) and the fact that my photography business is taking off in leaps and bounds. It’s a good day today 🙂
Emily says
Okay, now I have tears in my eyes. Much love and prayers for you and your girls. I, too am an eternal optimist but the gray gets me once in awhile too. This week, it’s fear of not being able to continue to give my baby breastmilk. I’m afraid of losing my supply and it is so important to me. But my world is vividly colored by the grins and giggles from my little girl, all the new words my son is learning everyday, and his big hugs and kisses. Tonight when I said “Goodnight I love you” he said “Love you choo!” Color me saturated.
Kara says
I think any Mom’s greatest fear – regardless of whether or not her littles have that little extra something that Nella has – is both in imagining not being there for your kids and also being here without them.
My gray this week is having to start thinking about and looking for daycare for my little boy when I have to go back to work at the end of my maternity leave. My colour is looking forward to this weekend, a girl’s weekend with my two best girlfriends from college who live far too far away from me!!
Sarah says
My “gray” this week? Watching a TV show about my daughter’s syndrome. Sometimes reality jumps up and bites you in the ass.
My color? Tomorrow is a new day and I can’t wait to hold her in the morning, feed her a bottle, and snuggle her back to sleep.
Sherry F says
My gray is that my Mom went for a biopsey today to see what is happening with her breast cancer. While that is a tough swallow, we are staying positive and going to the surgeon next week. But my little happy is the engulfing love my husband and two kids give me each day. I guess it’s not a little happy – but a very bright, big, blessed happy.
Sarah says
My “gray” this week? Watching a TV show about my daughter’s syndrome. Sometimes reality jumps up and bites you in the ass.
My color? Tomorrow is a new day and I can’t wait to hold her in the morning, feed her a bottle, and snuggle her back to sleep.
twofus says
BEAUTIFUL post! You have such a way with words! I am such a pessimist…don’t like to admit it, but it’s true…so I find your perspecitive on life delightfully refreshing.
The bibs are SO CUTE. I fell in love with the map the minute I saw it. The second minute, I thought, “Oooooo, I wish there’d be a giveaway.” Then there was! And now I’m thinking, “oooooo, please, let me win!” 🙂
My gray–I’m so discouraged with my weight and the fact that I work hard and it doesn’t change.
Color–that I’m making healthier choices and more importantly that my husband loves me and embraces my beauty as I am today.
HollyElise says
My grey this week – missing my mom. It’s fall, she’s home in Canada with my dad and my siblings, starting to think about Christmas, just had Thanksgiving and Halloween. I miss our long talks in front of the fireplace in her living room, this week Skype just isn’t cutting it.
My color this week – my sweet darling husband. We’ll be celebrating our first wedding anniversary at Christmas and we’re starting our own holiday traditions. Plus, for almost a year now we’ve been in the same time zone – a big deal for a former long-distance couple!
*hugs* to you and yours, Kelle.
Rachel says
I love reading your blog. Your positive words are constantly nudging me towards the good things, even when I seem to be drowning in the bad.
My gray this week is that my husband is currently deployed. Which means he’s missing out on so many of our little one’s firsts.
My color is the long list of things we’re planning to pass the time while daddy is working. Like a road trip from California to Ohio to spend Christmas with our families and a fantastic first birthday party!
Mama Marchand says
My grey and my happy this week are the same thing, oddly enough. It’s coming in the door from being at work and seeing my 8 month old daughter’s face light up. It’s a grey moment because I truly hate being away from her because we need some extra income … but it’s a moment of pure happiness because that smile reduces me to a pile of mush. I love my girl so much!
As always, beautiful photos. The girls are precious!
The Johansen's says
My gray this week is my little will be having surgery. While we will be getting ready for the holiday and her first birthday I also will be getting ready to take her to have surgery. I am freaking out!!! Its a small surgery, but neverless its surgery. Thanks for being honest with us so then I fell that I can be honest with myself.
Joanna says
My grey comes in the middle of a lot of canary yellow. My husband and I are moving from NC to CO this Saturday, so he can pursue a new job opportunity. While I’m incredibly excited to start this new adventure, North Carolina is the only home I’ve ever had & saying goodbye to all my friends & family is going to be rough. But grey & yellow go together right? Maybe that will be a color scheme in our new place.
Joanna says
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Joanna says
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Kendra says
My gray this week is being so far behind with work that I’m afraid I’ll never catch up.
My color is the absolutely adorable way my 1 year old daughter says “mama”. It truly melts my heart each and every time she says it.
Moosefan says
My gray-My hubby and many other hubbies will not be with us for the holiday season due to being deplyed with the military. Please remember that someone, somewhere cannot spend time with their family so that they can protect your right to spend time with yours…
My color-Having friends over for wings, beverages and such this weekend!
lemonlime says
I have a little boy who would look great in one of those lovely bibs!
And my grey this week- The discovery of Chinese Dry wall in my house!
Mama Loca says
My gray this week came with the news that my neighbor’s cousin, who has a little girl with Down syndrome and who had a difficult time accepting the diagnosis at her birth, just got the word that this sweet little two-year old girl has been diagnosed with leukemia. My heart is heavy. The little happy that is bringing me color in the midst of this gray is my 3 year old with Down syndrome who is coming to me and naming his letters, numbers and his colors! All on his own. My little happy is hearing his “Bwue” (blue) and appreciating his health.
Kristin says
My gray this week has been the realization that some people in my life will never make the effort that will better my relationship with them. But my week has been filled with tons of color to contrast that gray, my new job being one of the brightest. I love it and am happy with the changes it has brought to my life! As always, your post today was amazing, inspiring, and wonderful. Just cannot get enough of your blog.
Rachel says
At the playgound today, I observed a group of adults with special needs. They had a great picnic spread. They got on the swings. The conversation was lively. Movies, books, favorite games and, they spoke of their favorite people….Oh, I just thought of you, putting myself in your shoes….And, I saw Nella there, having such a great time with friends, but also, having such an amazing family to talk about. My gray this week hasn’t been very pronounced, but I am commenting b/c I have a good home for one of those bibs ~ A friend who has suffered such a loss to hold their child’s hand first and that this very mom is expecting again!!
Rose says
Oh, Kelle. That fear that we lose our babies (be they literally a baby or a grown adult) does haunt us as mama’s doesn’t it? It comes out for me to at unexpected times.
My gray this week is the struggle to try and be the mama I so desperately want to be… who I thought I could be before I actually became one. But, then I mess up a lot and wish I did something differently, better. But, my joy in the week is finding out that the new precious one we have on the way is a girl! Another girl for her big sister! And another chance, a new reminder for me to keep on trying hard to be the very best mama for these sweet little souls.
Sara says
It seems like I’ve been “stuck in gray” Life does suck at times, life can suck for weeks and years on end: But there is the promise of the rainbow. I find color in the sassy sweet brown eyes of my daughter Nina, the ripple of pink in my son Nicholas’ cheeks when he laughs, the warmth and comfort of snuggling under the Florida Gator fleece blanket I made for my husband that we share while we talk about how we have each other, even when those tender dream we drempt seem so very far from coming true. And Purple, Purple makes me happy, it sounds funny, PURPLE it rhymns with silly words like nurple, burple and flurple…how can I not smile at that?
Sara says
It seems like I’ve been “stuck in gray” Life does suck at times, life can suck for weeks and years on end: But there is the promise of the rainbow. I find color in the sassy sweet brown eyes of my daughter Nina, the ripple of pink in my son Nicholas’ cheeks when he laughs, the warmth and comfort of snuggling under the Florida Gator fleece blanket I made for my husband that we share while we talk about how we have each other, even when those tender dream we drempt seem so very far from coming true. And Purple, Purple makes me happy, it sounds funny, PURPLE it rhymns with silly words like nurple, burple and flurple…how can I not smile at that?
genevieve says
thank you.
homeiswhatyoumakeit says
First of all, I love your blog and admire your sweet family.
That being said, I feel guilty having gray in my week knowing that others, like yourself, have had much darker gray than me. I also choose to see the brighter colors, but sometime it is tough. Every week has its gray, but the good news it that every week has its red, green, blue, yellow…and aubergine.
Thanks for a beautiful post.
*Nella’s face melts my heart every time I see it.
Rosa says
My gray this week: A very bad gray. Our newspapers have been busy reporting on the murder of a teenage girl in our province (by fellow schoolmates). I didn’t know this girl, but she is the spitting image of my teenage niece. And each time I see the picture of this poor girl in the paper my heart breaks. The resemblance has made me look deeper into the story than just words on paper. She was beautiful, smart, ambitious. I cry for her parents. For her. Mostly for her. Your right, life is hard. Scares the living daylights outta me that something will happen to my little ones.
Nobody knows what the future holds. Let’s enjoy this day. Your beautiful Kelle! Thanks you for your very honest words!
Kelly says
Wow, what an honest post. Thanks for sharing that with us.
Those bibs are TOO cute & would look so adorable on my newest little girl! 🙂
Laur says
Your blog today really hit home with me today (as it does many days actually!). My older brother (he is 38, I am 31) has D.S. He is the happiest person I know, super active in the Special Olympics, and is my hero. As my hero, he has always been invincible in my eyes – until one day when I did a project on Down’s Syndrome for school and I learned about the life expectancy being shorter than most…I felt as if I was punched in the gut. Whatever I read back then said something like 40-50 years of age. This really rocks me to my core considering his age now. All I can do is make each time I see him the best ever for him. I am a new mama to an almost-three month old daughter, and he is the proudest Uncle (‘Luncle’ as he says it). He was holding my girl one day and I overheard him say to her ‘When you grow up, will you play with me?’…it melted me… So, I guess how I feel about all this is, that yes, their life expectancy may be shorter – but people with D.S. don’t waste time on the silly things that stress, bother, or annoy the rest of us. They concentrate on the happy. That is how we all should live!
xo
Heather says
my gray this week…every night I go to sleep hoping I won’t have a dream of my father dying. He passed away in March from pancreatic cancer and I dream it all the time. I don’t want to see it anymore…its hurts and all I want is sleep…but at least get to see his face again. Ouch. That was tough to even write. My colors…im looking out for them.
Lindsay says
This post moved me to tears (as many of your posts do). You have an amazing way with words. I recently reread Nella’s birth story as well – I cry every time I read it. You inspire me to be a better mom, do more with my littles and really cherish the small things. Thank you.
My gray this week…lonely nights. My husband recently started a new job that often has him working late nights. It’s an adjustment spending my nights alone.
My color is coming from…my children, of course. Isn’t being a mommy the best?
Ray and Monica says
My grey is a dentist appointment this week. I am a total anti-dentite. The wonderful splashes of color have been new smiles from my two month old boy.
Julie says
My gray is the impending daylight savings time…knowing in just a few months I’m going to be depressed, and hopeless feeling as I struggle through seasonal affect disorder. I love the fall and winter, but I’m so much happier when I have the sun and long days of gorgeous Wisconsin weather.
Peace be with you and your lovely family always.
shanjol23 says
My gray this week: feeling so overwhelmed with how little time I feel like I have. I feel like there is so much extra going on besides work and a lot of the time lately I just don’t have space to think outside of me. It’s been a bit overwhelming if I let myself think on things too much so I try not to. My happy in the gray is my son and my husband. I think of the joys of toddler hood and my emotions run over with a look at my son. I think of how far my husband and I have come and his dedication to God above me is amazing. I am truly blessed and the happy really pushes away all the gray.
shanjol23 says
My gray this week: feeling so overwhelmed with how little time I feel like I have. I feel like there is so much extra going on besides work and a lot of the time lately I just don’t have space to think outside of me. It’s been a bit overwhelming if I let myself think on things too much so I try not to. My happy in the gray is my son and my husband. I think of the joys of toddler hood and my emotions run over with a look at my son. I think of how far my husband and I have come and his dedication to God above me is amazing. I am truly blessed and the happy really pushes away all the gray.
R Family says
gray is knowing that my time in this wondeful town i live in his drawing to a close. gotta love (?) military life.
color is knowing that home is wherever my love and my bitty (14 months now!) are!
Ananda says
Loved this post and so enjoy watching your littles grow!
My grey this week was the 5 year anniversary of my mom’s passing and the sadness of all she is missing with my littles.
My color was the vibrant orange of the jack-o-lanterns we created together while I told my littles stories of my mama…the first Halloween we celebrated since her passing.
Andrea Neal says
My gray this week is definitely my Granddaddy feeling so horrible from chemo and preparing to start radiation next week… my husband’s grandpa being told chemo isn’t working anymore and there isn’t anything else they can do…
…but the color shines through with my son starting to make more sounds during his Speech/Occupational therapy time.. He’s 22 months and still doesn’t say much of anything at all! He’s progressing fast and it’s making me a little less stressed and so happy! I can’t wait for him to call me Mama or tell me he loves me!!!!
We all have bad days!!! But the good are definitely better than the bad!
KTism says
Ok Kelle you made me SOB! My little sister who has that magical chromosome just turned 23. I hate reality!!!!! I hate facing the possibility that I would have to live a moment of life without her in it! 30 more years is just not enough time!
My gray this week is yet another problem with the house we are trying to buy…..my beautiful color…my four month old little girl! As my husband keeps saying she makes everything better.
Nika M. says
My gray this week started with planning my wedding, which took a very painful turn when the reality of getting married without both of my little sisters set in. One of them passed away a few years ago, on her 19th birthday. It was the first very close death our family has dealt with, so even though it’s been 4 years, moments like that make me relive the horror like it was yesterday.
My color this week is revived by knowing that my sister can still be a very big part of my wedding. She was named after a very pretty flower, so those are going to be the main flowers in the arrangements.
Nikki and Kevin says
My gray this week? Recognizing yet again that I don’t spend enough time with my children. However, I am learning, beginning to master, a new balance to fix that problem. Which, in turn, fills my life with color, laughter, and most importantly, love.
Christina says
Kelle, beautiful post and beautiful reflection. Oh, and beautiful first photo of you with the camera – LOVE.
Nikki Crockett says
my gray: spent an hour on the phone with a friend of 10 years who lives on the other side of the country and is on the brink of a divorce
my color: fall in San Diego…swimming in 96 degree weather today…last week camping in 50 degree weather.
Miles and Jenny says
I love the fact that you are REAL KelleHampton. Life can just suck sometimes despite finding the beauty in things all the time, there are moments that just suck and that is ok! I am far away from my family in India and it kills me as we recently got word that his cancer is back with a vengeance…and i cannot be there (in the US) to hold his hand this week through his intense radiation treatments. The color came though as I did get to speak with him this morning over Skype and we had a lovely chat. Lots of tears after, but lots of love too. And I am thankful!!! My heart is heavy but at the same time full!
-Jenny
Debbie S. says
I’ve hit my yearly funk where I’m tired of staring at these dingy walls, so I’ve decided to paint our living room. However, my husband says no way. But because freshly painted walls and new curtains make me happy, he will arrive home from a weekend in Memphis to find his lobster red living room is no more.
Marian says
Love your blog…and I love those bibs! Been making bibs here lately to give away…but these ones are really cute…and with a new baby on the way…well, what else can I say??
Christina says
ps. I think Nella is starting to look like Lainey in some of the recent photos –both so adorable!
Tina says
My Gray is our families struggle with money right now! But my COLOR is my precious baby girl turning 5 today! She makes my life bright and full and Im so thankful for her…I have to mention my Niece Passed away several years ago at the age of 55 She was a beautiful lady with Downs 🙂 You have many more years with that girl dont you worry…..
Sarah says
After reading your post and all these heartfelt comments, I feel like a whiner for mentioning my gray when so many others are having such a rough time. I am trying to figure out how to be with my children and make money and it is stressing me out. My colors- I had my first facial on Monday (paid for by my mom) and it was WONDERFUL
The Mildner Family says
Red….Red is my color right now. I have to tell you..this blog made me cry because well I love your daughters! What you shared made me sad as well but at the same time I just find the beauty in what you wrote. I love your babies..like they are my own. I have babies about their ages..My Ella is 3 and My Emmy is 1. I just think your girls are beautiful and every time I see your Nella..well she just lights up my day. I love her smile and everything about that baby girl. I am thankful you give us a glimpse into your lives. You are sharing beauty with us. Thank you! I look forward to your posts.. I think I am an obsessive checker..I check AT least 1 time a day..sometimes more lol!
rubyredladybug says
my gray is that my former boss left and we acquired new boss who is pretty much a Summer’s Eve… and my color is the little old ladies who misunderstand something i said thinking i said “take care”… and it making their day… so now im going to tell more little old ladies and others to take care… and keep making my day colorful while looking for another job so as I dont have to deal with HIM anymore
Perihan says
Kelle,
I have been reading your blog for several months now, and while I never have commented before, today is the day. While I may never meet you face-to-face, I have laughed with you and cried with you as I read your posts. Your photos are beautiful and the words and images you record bring to mind two of my own sweet babies that are about the same age apart as your daughters. One is in college now, and the youngest is almost a senior in high school. How I wish I was able to capture the simple things in life as they grew up, for now they are gone and memories get fuzzy. While I am not one of the grannies holding an empty spot over her heart and telling you to enjoy this time, I am a forty year old woman with tears coursing down my face telling, no, imploring you to do just that. Time races by and all you have left are fuzzy memories.
I am commenting today about your gray. In my family, it is my parents holding my brother’s hand. He is a few years older than I, but, as you said so eloquently, no parents want to go before their child. If the child is 3, 10, 20, or 40, it matters not because the feeling is the same. The gray in my week is watching my parents come to terms with the possibility of losing their only son. Their health, strength, and faith has faltered. But you know what? I am the SISTER, and I am the one not only watching my brother fighting for his life, I am watching as my parents get their own zeal for life taken right out of them. My girls love my brother as a father, and I can’t bear to see them lose the only man that was there for them when others should have been. As I told my sister, if things really don’t work out, we are going to lose more than just my brother. While I know that somehow I will find the strength to endure that, I really, REALLY, don’t want to. So there it is, my gray in all its painful splendor….and for whatever reason, I wanted to share it with you.
But, I, too, feel that some simple things can bring splashes of sunshine through a very dusty window. These would be my colors of God, family, a random smattering of friends, and the cold, soft noses of my two favorite puddy dogs. I wish I could throw gardening in there, but I put my garden to bed for the winter this past weekend. (Pun intended!)
I enjoy your posts and know that you are doing a wonderful thing in recording the small things in life for your posterity to always remember….
Sorry the novel…I’m done!
Christi says
My gray: being so busy and stressed about things that I have to deal with but don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I especially don’t like it when it keeps me from my littles or worse when I get cranky from being over-stressed.
My color: My littles… of course. But breathing in all the beautiful colors of nature, no matter what time of year, always brings me back to a place of joy
Angela says
Oh the irony — I just decided yesterday to paint my whole first floor several shades of a very nice gray. I can’t wait!
But my gray this week is coming from my feelings of inadequacy as a parent to my very typical 9 year old son who is too much like me. I am hoping that there is some color this weekend when we get to spend the weekend together while my husband takes my 6 year old (with DS) on their first “Adventure Princess” Campout with her Kindergarten friends.
And then I know there will be lots of vibrant color at our annual Buddy Walk on Sunday where our team of 70!! will walk in support of my daughter and her friend. How amazing is that? I am so blessed!
Angela
belle says
Am so inspired by this post that I can’t help but crawl out of my “secret reading” of your blog to let you know my gray and my blue. So, secret’s out. You know I’m a fan. Grey? So many things to do at work, and that feeling of incompetence bugs me. Constantly. My blue? (all things nice are blue! fav colour!)Beautiful pictures of your everyday life! And as if the photos are not inspiring enough, your words… they reach into my soul.
Joanna says
My grey is feeling overwhelmed with work, when all I want to do is play with my baby. Colors happen every time she smiles at me!!
Love the bibs!
IRWSMom says
My gray this week is knowing there is turmoil between inlaws and sibs. Knowing that the holidays are approaching and our family will be torn apart by crazy, little things that are just things. I keep reminding myself that I have “my” family now and my little girls bring so much joy to my heart every day. I am blessed.
paige says
My grey is that i’m kind of ashamed of my mediocrity.
My colour is that i’m doing nanowrimo(national novel writing month) anyway. i shouldn’t be reading your blog 🙂 but i’m glad i stole a few moments from my night’s sleep to catch up.
AshleyAdorable says
I’d have to say my gray would be… School and the challenges of finishing the spring semester on time and will I be able to do it. Will I be able to make my girls and boyfriend proud.
My color is… my daughter walking, no running. Finally at 13 mnths she’s running around the livingroom and chasing her sister, sometimes for lovin’s and sometimes to pull her hair. Ahh sisterly love. blessing and huge color
abryandabrooke says
My gray this week is the typical gray that surrounds my life all the time these past two years. My husband is active duty military, and we are stationed somewhere that I do not know anyone. I have 2 children under the age of 2, and my husband works 70+ hours a week while I take care of the kids and try to finish my senior year of college. I get tired, stressed out and all kinds of overwhelmed…. Oh the grey..
But then my little ones do something and bring in all the heartwarming, fulfilling color I could ever imagine. My oldest daughter is currently potty training, and she came out the bathroom with the toddler potty on her head and the toilet seat around her legs like a pool float today and i just died laughing… Thanking God for those moments with my sweet littles, the moments that make me remember what I am doing all of this for, the moments that remind me how lucky I am, and how much beauty and color and over flowing love I have in my life. Its something small, but those moments are everything to me.
Christy says
Kelle, your words inspire.
My gray is struggling with money as my husband is still looking for a job, but my precious small moments is tonight when the playroom was filled with giggles from my 11 month and 3 year old girls.
Life may be hard, but it is good!
Allison says
I know how you love to always like to look on the bright side of life but it also comforting when you let us know about your gray side also. It makes you more real and human.
I just love all that you do, so please, do keep on keeping on. You are often the colour in my week 😀
My gray this week is that my youngest just turned 19mths and its all going by so fast. I would love to have another baby (3rd) but somehow that might just speed it all up again! But decisions need to be made, I ain’t getting any younger! 🙂
Allison 🙂
Rachel says
My gray…my 39 year old friend had surgery today for thyroid cancer and it being more advanced than they anticipated. My color…she is recovering better than anticipated and was smiling when I came to visit. Optimism is a drug all its own. Your optimism and bravery is healing and touching so many more than you could imagine. Thanks…
Jacqui says
Life expectancy….. what you expect from life…. heartbreakingly bright yellow and blue and green days at your favorite beach filled with love and babies and friends and family… grey days that call for tears and curling up on a couch with your babies and doing a whole lot of nothing….Kelle you show me all of the time that each day is a blessing in some way. No promises that life won’t sometimes break your heart but in the end each wonderful day has some special thread of love that keeps us connected forever with the ones who we hold close. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly with us all and giving us the opportunity to remember how precious life is every moment…
Lisa says
My gray is wanting to write a better story for our family and feeling like we get so close and then the door slams shut.
My color is finding a drawing that my late father did that I didn’t know existed and taking it as a sign to fight for the changes we want. Was desperate for his guidance and he gave me that drawing. Thank you Dad.
My little 11 month could really use those cute bibs. Now that she is self feeding…what a mess.
Lisa in CA
MJ says
My gray is worrying about finances. But I always consider that a very lucky gray when that is my only worry. Our family is healthy and happy and that is my color. My daughter is my joy, and I am loving everything from the fall colors, to the fact that I am 5 weeks pregnant with baby #2! So much more color than gray this week! I like it that way – I like storing up my beautifully colored crayons to pull out when life throws all gray crayons at me!
Katy says
In picture #5 of this post, I see so much Lainey Love in her face.
Gorgeous.
KaiKinapela says
Hello there! Long time reader first time poster. I am that person who shows up in your counter as Japan. Well one of them. Depending on the computer I either register as Kagoshima or Oita.
Moving on…
Wow, right on target. I just put this up on my facebook last night
“And so you sigh, close your eyes and hope that tomorrow brings sunshine that will chase away the gray.”
My gray- Last week was the one year anniversary of my father’s terrible accident. Two weeks from now will be the one year anniversary of his death.
My color- My students. I am a former nanny turned ex-pat ESL teacher. Today I taught my favorite grade and I was not disappointed.
Also, if for some reason (I doubt it) but if by chance I am picked as a bib winner please re draw. I have no children. ALthough I know several people with newborns, I doubt they will ship to Japan anyways
Tracy says
Gray: a cherished friend dying last week, sewer backing up in our basement over the weekend.
Colour: the reflection of our cherished friend’s LIFE WELL LIVED. (for now, so call me crazy), my family of 5 plus 2 animals living in cramped quarters of one floor in our house while the other floor gets fixed.
and YOU make me feel appreciative for all the varying degrees of colour and gray in my days, because even as you paint beautiful vignettes of your life on your blog, I never forget that you have your own challenges, worries, fears. and THAT brings me light in my darker moments. thank u kelle for what you do here.
ShaunaQ says
I’d like to say that my gray this week is painted on my nails in a fabulous shade of “nocturnal” by Avon. But, alas, there is more gray to behold.
My gray is having to be patient and not really knowing what to do for my son.
My colors come from the ever increasing playdates that make things feel “normal” and happy.
And definitely Halloween candy.
mommyliu says
My GRAY: Having to head back to the children’s hospital this next week for my daughter Lanie’s appointment with her nephrologist. Like you, I have had to think about losing my precious baby many times in her life and have had to watch her go through surgeries, tests, pain, and sickness and now watching her live with two scarred kidneys and high blood pressure. She is an amazing girl.
MY COLOR: Watching that same little girl kick ass on a swim team, learn Japanese at school like it’s no big deal and watching her be the most loving big sister in the world. My color is much more than my gray:)
dig this chick says
Oh babe.
And you’re the one who sent me a consoling text today. Love you.
Gray: This weird, gnawing anxiety that comes and goes like an annoying fly for the last week. I don’t like it. Pft. Be gone.
Color: It’s better. And I got some clarity about it. And I just wrote my nuggets and had the most fun doing it.
Statemas says
Mommy guilt is my gray. It has a way of creeping in as a big gray but I’m working on my self-talk and making it go away. Because I AM a good mom!
My Color: The joy my husband and daughter bring to my life every moment of every day.
DE&SERT says
Your blog never ceases to inspire and move me, God bless you and your beautiful family.
My grey is rushing off to work, every day, leaving my love, my boy, to be in the care of (although wonderful and loving and capable) someone other than his Mommy.
My beautiful, vibrant, so bright it hurts your eyes color is pulling into my driveway and hearing my boy squeal and say Mamamamamama as I walk up to our door… LOVE.
Lindsay says
Love those cute bibs. And of course, all the photos of Nella IN the bibs… and of Lainey being Lainey. I pulled out about 6 grays this week so far, but it’s all good… the Giants won the world series and it’s celebrating time around here. 🙂
Erin Otness says
life isn’t always about the quantity, rather the quality…
The gray in my week has to be the flu that has made the rounds with our family. But the color in that gray is seeing the smiles on my boys faces because not even sickness can keep them down.
Kerri-Lynn says
My gray comes from the physical difficulties I am having at the moment with the potential diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease just at the moment we are trying to concieve..
My joy comes in the form of my mircale baby taking her first steps yesterday and knowing that my body overcame the odds to welcome her into the world!
Michelle says
My gray this week, this hour in fact is feeling so very overwhelmed and so very under-supported. How do you ask for help when you feel as if you ask all the time? Bahh. My color is Sleepless in Seattle, Earl Grey Tea, and a hopeful tomorrow.
The Stevens Family says
my grey is learning that a friend of mine, mama of three has breast cancer at 32 years old. She is a fighter and will beat it but there is such fear in the unknown…
my color this week…dear friends welcoming their first baby into the world. Oh, what I wouldn’t do to just feel him curled up on my shoulder! He’ll look great in those bibs!
momma lois says
The gray: We are 8 months into a seemingly endless short sale process and down to one working vehicle.
The rainbow: the baby started saying “uuuup” this week. She enunciates the “P” so cutely. Loving it!
Life is good. 🙂
Lana says
My gray was saying goodbye to my 4 year old 2 months ago. But, there is a lot of vibrant color to that too. She is in Heaven, healed and whole. Gray here at times but certainly not gray there!
ABoller says
my color today is opening your blog to listen to your tunes while i clean the house……and my grey is reading how your little heart breaks………i do love when you post…….and as much as i love the happy pictures of your small things it is refreshing to hear you express your greys….it brings us all together………thank you for welcoming us into your heart….
Leah Alexandra says
What a beautiful post Kelle! I love reading everything you write, but this one felt so real and honest…. it touched me, so thanks!
My grey this week has just been the overwhelmingness of working two jobs, but know it has to be done so that we can save some money and eventually give my little boy a sibling. It’s been tough, but I know we are working toward the greater good of me eventually staying home.
But there has also been so much color. My sons seconds Halloween, he dressed up as the worlds cutest lion and we went trick or treating. The fact that this week he has started blowing me kisses, whihc melts my hearts. and finally that we leave tomorrow for minnesotta for a family wedding. Not only will I finally get a much needed fix of “Fall” weather, I get to see so many family members that I don’t see nearly often enough!
Leah
http://www.lovelifeandmommyhood.blogspot.com
Brouillettes says
Thank you…as always, your words hit at the PERfect time. I have really been struggling not knowing how we will continue to pay bills as we see savings drain. At least y husband is employed (thank God) but in a job he hates and can’t seem to get out of because of the lack of jobs currently. Between the terribly long hours and tight tight budget, I am so anxious. But I have my kids and a roof over my head, and at least he has A job, no matter how awful. And I need a reminder to anchor me at times…and you just did. So I’m going to dock for awhile here in the now. Thank you~
Makenzies Miracle says
my grays are similar to yours as I think about my daughters future living with Quad CP after suffering a serious brain injury 3 years ago. I know what science says about what the length of her life should be and it makes me sad every once in a while. It is hard to think about but sometimes it jumps up and holds on tight. Then the colors come to the rescue replacing the grays in the form of healing and progress in her recovery!
The bibs are amazing and Makenzie would love something that cute to for Makenzie to drool on! LOL No really!
http://www.makenziesmiracle.org
Jen says
Your words bring tears. Always to wonderfully written.
There is nothing like a good can of paint to brighten up the spirit…my last spirit brightener….wheat penny!
My gray is a daddy leaving again for work too soon and for too long, but my boys are my everyday dose of vibrant color!
Rekha says
My gray is this month marks 10 years without my beloved sibling. My color is always my adorable boys who bring me back with their hugs and love.
Jen says
Your words bring tears. Always to wonderfully written.
There is nothing like a good can of paint to brighten up the spirit…my last spirit brightener….wheat penny!
My gray is a daddy leaving again for work too soon and for too long, but my boys are my everyday dose of vibrant color!
Smiling Underneath says
Today I am 37 days from getting married to an amazing man and it is thrilling, exciting and incredibly happy! The gray color in this situation is the terrible event that happened this past April when my fiance’s roommate and one of our groomsmen unexpectedly passed away from meningitis. Planning a wedding while grieving is very difficult but like everything, there is a yin and a yang, a high and a low. I choose to focus on the highs, remembering that our friend TJ loved that we love each other and are celebrating that on December 11th!
Meagan says
My gray this week is how hard it’s been to find any color. The biggest gray for me is whether I continue on the path of being a writer or change directions and become a teacher. So stressing that I need a pint of icecream, stat.
My biggest color this week is that my best friend and brother and amazing sister-in-law are having a baby. Babies erase all the grays.
McMel says
my grey is money- the first of the month hits hard w bills, and we always struggle the first 2 weeks, and it’s so, so hard.
my color. we always make it through- HE always brings us through.
now, i gotta go blow my nose from the crying!
Kindergarten Team says
My gray this week is taking one week at a time with this pregnancy. We have had so many scares with this one it has been an emotional roller coaster. We are 24 weeks on Wednesday and pray for our little angel to make it through.
However, we are blessed to have a beautiful 4 year old who lights up our world. She is so thoughtful, bubbly, expressive…the list could go on and on.
The Halbert Home says
I am sure there is a gray but I can’t put my finger on it. My color is that my baby girl will be here in a little over 4 weeks!
KateY Johnston says
My gray snuck into the colour this week. Seeing our unborn little girl on a 4D scan was so exciting but the little gray unknown of whether she has Down Syndrome or not, having been given a 1:2 chance, seemed to swill some of the orange away as I anxiously looked for clues. Yet colour has been richly present too, floating quietly in the pool under a magenta, blue starlit sky surrendering our future to God made my heart content.
Sheryl says
God I love a good room makeover! I wish I could come help you paint. I’ve been dying to paint a room!
My gray this week is work. Super crazy busy, long hours in the office which means I’ve seen my daughter for 45 minutes a day. And I’ll be bringing work home this weekend.
But my happy is those 45 minutes and its getting me through this week. that smiling face and chubby legs trying to pull herself up on everything! I love it and want to soak in it.
And man could I use some bibs. I hope we get teeth soon becasue the drool is like a river
Goonie Mom Christie says
I am the cheerleader in a house of cystic fibrosis, median life span of 37. My grey cloud visits our house then blows away for a time…my small person is 11.5. Holding my breath that he’ll be able to hold my hand. Hoping the universe knows what it’s doing…
Truly Silkes says
Hey Kelle, no te preocupes 🙂 I’m adding a comment to 622 others, wow.
A friend of mine made a film “Uwe geht zu Fuss”, meaning “Uwe is walking”. Uwe is 67 and has DS. When someone says “Shall I drive you home” he keeps saying “Ich geh zu Fuss” (I’m walking) You can see a clip on amazon.de. Uwe is so well included in and loved by his community that my friend made this film. Uwe comes from my hometown and I got invited to the movie premiere with Uwe present, proudly sitting in the front row, giving interviews, posing for photographers with the mayor.
Before the film started to roll, Uwe was asked whether he wanted to say something to the audience. He grabbed the microphone and said “And now, everybody rise and sing!” (a popular German celebratory song). The entire audience in the packed theater got up and sang.
What a day. I was there. That was before I knew Nella, by the way. You guys rock!
From Germany
Silke
Morning Star says
This week I don’t have a gray…Her smile makes me happy! She makes me want to live a healthy life so I can enjoy her for a very loooong time. By the way…Saw a beautiful documentary last night called “Monica and David” Please Please see it I cried throughout the whole movie (happy tears) Just shows me how love does not discriminate! Thought about you and Nella the whole time!!!
Wille says
thanks for making grey more colorful…
Grey: strained nerves from a rough week teaching…
colors: (quite vibrant, might I add) my beautiful daughter not only hugs but “skeeze hugs” me when she gets home with her Dad. Tight as can be arms around my neck. It makes the world right!
Monica says
My gray is continued extended family tension, but my hot pink is my beautiful girl dancing with me, ignited by the biggest most beautiful smile!
Emma Kay says
My grey was that I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy, but my husband could only come to the hospital to visit for about an hour an day and not till late afternoon. The huge rainbow of colours though was that he made it out of surgery in time to be there for the actual birth! The last two weeks have been very full of grey, but my in-laws who have stepped up and helped out enormously have constantly kept injecting colour back into our lives when we didn’t know what to do next. And of course my son who is being the perfect baby is blinding me with his colour because I couldn’t have asked for a better baby at the best of times, let alone during the dramas we’ve had these past two weeks! And now my husband is healing too and my life feels like nothing but colour because after the rough time we had, the little things feel like nothing.
Jeannette says
My gray is me drowning in self-doubt, school work and fear of debt!
My color…coming to your blog to look at your beautiful girls!!
Nemo says
My gray for the time being is having to be back at work for five weeks – while my boyfriend is at home with our almost 7mo son. I absolutely hate the fact that I’m away for so much of the day that I only get to spend around two hours with him each day.. I wish that I would be able to stay at home with him for as long as I (and we) would like to, but that’s not something that will be possible (unless I win an enormous jackpot or something). It makes me sad to think about all the things I might be missing while I’m away, and I envy all those who’re in the situation where they are able to stay at home with their little ones for a while longer (or as long as they want).
On the brighter side is his face when I come into his room in the morning – and the look on his face when I come home at night. That gives me fuel to keep things going a little longer (and I can’t wait for the weekend to come).
Bonnie says
My gray this week has been juggling work and raising my daughter as a single mother. I always pictured styaing at home when I had a child but things didn’t end up that way. Despite being exhausted and felling guilty leaving her I know that the weekend is coming and she will refuel me and we will fill the weekend with fun and little things that make us both very happy.
nicole@http://theclarks-nicole.blogspot.com/ says
I have a 6 week baby girl at home and would love that bib. so cute and again, I LOVE YOUR BLOG
Sara says
What a beautifully honest post. And deep red is a great color for a bathroom (one of ours is that color and it’s AWESOME!)
My gray is that there just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want to accomplish – with work, life, school.
My color: That I have a wonderful, supportive husband who loves and adores me and two little boys who love me to pieces. 🙂
Meg says
My gray is that my mom lives in your neck of the woods while I live in New England. (Talk about gorgeous fall colors-I’m looking out my kitchen window at absolute wonder right now.)
Brit Girl says
I’m not commenting for the bibs – just commenting to say that I have just packaged up a big parcel of love and hugs and it is flying across the ocean to you right now.
My grey at the moment is struggling through a so-called high risk pregnancy and laying awake at night worrying about having enough money and space for two children. And how I will ever love another baby as much as I love C.
But the colour is knowing that all those things will work themselves out and it is going to be OK in the end.
Love to all of you. Sx
Katrina @ mommyninetimes.blogspot.com says
Love this post! And how sweet is your dad – what a neat person he is, to sit by that woman’s bedside during her final days. I mean, wow. I can see where you get your beautiful spirit. What a blessing to have a dad like that. Lucky, lucky girl.
Anyhoo…my “gray” this week…would have to be my 17 year old daughter reminding me to order a refill of her anti-seizure meds. Any reminder of her brain injury always brings me down. My “color” would be in that very same second when I reminded myself how lucky I am that she is ABLE to tell me to order the refill…because for months after her accident she was not able to speak. How lucky I am that she has recovered so much! My “color” today was when that same daughter took my two year old for a stroller walk around the neighborhood. She loves helping out with her younger siblings, and I love that she has recovered so much that she is able to do this. I am so thankful for her life and all the “color” that she brings me each day.
Katie says
My gray this week is the recent passing of a co-worker after a brief and vicious battle with cancer that he was diagnosed with 5 months ago. Going home to my sweet baby girl and spending as much time with her is my “color”…
Althea says
My grey…is my time of service to my mother. DIfficult, is all I am saying…the gift of service is NOT my gift.
I am loving red…all its incarnations.
kjharper says
My gray this week is we lost a co-worker who was only 26 years old. We do not know how he passed but it made me think about my little boy and oh I pray every day that he will out live me. So I have been just been enjoying him and his thurst for knowledge. He wants to learn more and more every day. The gray is so hard to deal with but the vibriant colors come through for all those that are willing to look for it.
Bonnie says
Lana, I’m so sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers.
Missy says
My gray is much like yours some day..but “enjoying the Small Things” brings it color. Not only your blog but simply enjoying the small things of life bring it color. My son, Cason, now 4, was born with a chronic heart defect and many times I go into the gray area wondering if it is me who will plan his funderal rather then he planning mine. The oldest with his condition is in their 20’s. Great medical advancements and HOPE also brings color to my life. Those dimples he shares with me everyday as he lives life to the fullest bring me the brightest of all colors! Stay positive and as you say “Enjoy the Small Things”. They really are the most important and memoriable moments!
https://www.babyjellybeans.com/web/do/site?ID=3929
Nf1andprek-whisper says
my gray is that my husband told me we can’t afford our home anymore, and we have to sell and down size.
My colors- My ever growing… and difficult but easy to love son.
The Birds says
My gray is thinking about all the things I miss with my children being a working mom, and my color is just being thankful for the times I do have with them!
LindseyG says
My gray? My gray is the stress of making my family proud while I’m in school right now. Being the first one in my family to go to college stresses me out everyday. The fear of failing, and being overwhelmed by 4 papers in one week is my gray.
My color is the amazing people I live with. New friends that bring so much color into my life it wipes away the gray as if it were never there!
-Lindsey
Kelly says
Gray…my 14 month old nephew goes in tomorrow for an MRI to see if he has cerebral palsy. I’m hoping that the results of his MRI will be my color for the week. 🙂
Jessica says
My gray this week (and every week since October 8th) is my husband being in Iraq for an indeterminate amount of time. But the beautiful colors that light up my life and my soul are my children. I have three little monsters and they are all mine to bask in when the gray threatens to take over.
HollyMarie says
The grey: With the news of a friend’s celebrated pregnancy via IVF, second guessing our decision to not pursue that same option to achieve the ultimate dream… the sorrow settles on my heart and I get angry that I visit that place again.
the color: our homestudy report is finished and approved (yesterday) so we are officially waiting for our third miracle…
Mikaela says
nella gets more beautiful every day!
my gray this week: trying to figure out whether or not to pursure further (invasive-ish) testing to determine a reason for my daughter’s “delays”.
but my color???
SHE IS FOUR TODAY! so today we will party and celebrate all that she is!
Julie says
My gray is my 13 mth old waking every two hours every night (unhappily and not going back to sleep at all easily). I don’t know why she does it, and I can’t really catch up on sleep later because there are 3 older siblings with busy big-kid schedules. I am exhausted.
My color is that I have these four wonderful souls in my life, and sometimes those middle of the night moments with my little one are priceless.
nicole says
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nicole says
Oh Kelle ~ I so want to take away your fears, but I know if I was in your shoes I would have to “feel those gray threads” too! It seems impossible though that Nella would ever for one instant of her precious life not be surrounded by love ~ my goodness, she has over 8,000 followers already in love with her. My kids love her! This leads to my gray: I want to rescue a special needs baby by adoption and for a few reasons, the biggest being my physical ability, I don’t know if it will ever happen. It brings that scripture verse to mind, “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” I just want to give these precious babes tender love with lots of attention and smiles and surround them with my children who would spoil him/her rotten. Maybe someday . . .
Ironically, I was thinking to myself the other day how much you surround yourself with color and how that must give you energy and I decided I need to do more of the same. I didn’t know I needed a colorful, beautiful quilt ~ thanks for “telling” me!
My color is my faith in God and that he loves me and my family more than I do and wants to spend eternity with us!
Anne says
I am 8 weeks pregnant and can picture a cute little bib on my sweet little babe!
The gray that always has a way of creeping into my life is fear of death. I panic, I cry, I stress when that fear stalks my mind. But one way I add color to that gray is to pray. I pray and pray. I might say the rosary or I ask for strength or when I feel at a total loss I just say: Lord, come quickly, I need you. It is in those moments of prayer and reflection that bring out the true, beautiful colors in my life and it slowly allows acceptance to hug my soul and calm me completely.
The Full Nelson says
My colour is always my kids…my grey…well there is a fair amount of it right now…the unknown of what will happen with my future
Tristen says
My gray is having my husband gone for 9 weeks (feels like an eternity ahead still) and the gray sometimes threatens to overwhelm me in the quiet moments. But my color definitely comes in the form of my three tiny and beautiful children who need me to be happy and enjoy their every moment. It also comes in the form of generous family members who have reached out and enveloped me so that I don’t feel the sting of loneliness in those quiet hours. Thanks for this post. Beautiful.
Rebecca MacIntosh says
Well thanks for the tears right before I run out the door to jump back into the work force again for the first time in 5.5 yrs.
Gray is my Hubby no longer having full-time employment and being scared that we might lose our home.
Colour (Sunshine Orange with a hint of Turquoise swirl) is patiently waiting and trusting that something would give, and give it did. I was offered an incredible job last week and The Hubby and I will swap from stay-at-home parenting to out-of-the-home working to rock this new stage in life.
I’m just praying that the colour of my two beauties adjusting will be Sky Blue. 🙂
Randi says
My grey is seing how my mom is getting worse. My COLOR is my kids, family, friends and the fact that me and my baby girl are going on a road trip this weekend!
KK says
My gray is the stress of a baby shower that I feel shouldn’t be stressful at all – the pressure to be someone when really I want to be at home, snuggling with my husband…
and the happy bright sunshine is knowing that while the whole world doesn’t know about the baby that is growing in my womb, I know…and I’m excited for the future of holding my sweet baby…
Also…my brother in law is the biggest sweetheart
Victoria C. says
My gray this week… Coming to the realization that despite our exhausting efforts to aviod medication, our sons ADHD so negatively affecting school that we have surrendered to putting him on meds. I afraid that it willc ause him to lose some of his vibrant zesty-ness.
My colors…Aside from that he is healthy, as is my younger son, thanksgiving is coming up very soon and I will get to see my parents who are coming home to MI from MO and I havent seen them in months!!!
Louise says
My gray is the little bird that bounced off our window yesterday morning and died. My gray was the look in my 2 year olds face. It was his first encounter with such a gloomy thing. I decided he was too young to learn of death and we decided that it would be nice to put him in an open box in the garage in the hope he would feel better and fly away. My son was happy with this…and that little bird must have flown out of the box and out of the garage while we were playing, he made it! Or at least in my son’s mind he did. Sometimes its better to smooth over a little gray with a little yellow (or the color of your bathroom). That little bird flew just like your little bird does everyday, she soars. Live for the now xxx
Lynnievan says
My grey this week is knowing that some people don’t like me, for whatever reasons. I’m a people pleaseer, so this bothers me more than it should. My color is a little 10 month old named Atticus-love ya baby.
beccagarber says
My new husband and I unexpectedly got pregnant four months ago… which was right at the start of a one-year deployment for him! It’s been so bittersweet to spend these past four months growing our relationship over video chat instead of in person and watching my belly grow through pictures and emails. He was able to visit just this month for 3 weeks–a heavenly time for us. But he had to go back overseas on Monday, and here I am eating pumpkin pancakes for me and my little baby inside me, missing him.
Andrea says
my gray… i want my father to find someone. someone he can love again. it’s been 9 years and he is still a heartbroken mess.
my color… watching my father with his grandaughter 🙂 i love how much they look alike and how they bring so much joy to each other.
Kara says
My gray is the damage the radiator did to the transmission on my car. I can’t even think about how we will pay the repair bill this week.
My color is my daughter. No matter what is going on in the “adult” world, her 20 month world is happy. And I inhale that in as much as possible.
Meagan says
The gray: the days of my mat leave are dwindling and I will hve to hand over my little guy to daycare.
The color: the career opportunity that comes with the end of mat leave and of course my litlle guy!
Proud Mommy Tara says
This post has me in tears. I too am having a bit of a gray week.
My gray is my marriage that is just not working out…no matter how much effort is oozing from my soul.
But I have the vibrant colors of my babies. They are my strength. Their innocence and love are pulling me up from off the floor.
PS…Please show us your bathroom when it’s all done!! 🙂
Tara
4mcnuggets says
Well, I am commenter 654…your Aunt Jenny!
My gray…your grandma (my mama)getting older and forgetting more, slouching more, going slower…
My color…the CUTEST leapord print cane she bought yesterday. You would LOVE it. She was strutting around everywhere with her head held high.
I love that lady, your grandma!
🙂 Hope you get to hang out with her soon…however we could work that out…here or there. I ache to meet your littles, and for you to meet mine..your cousins!!! 🙂
Love you, girl. So…did you actually read this??? 🙂 I signed up just so I could post. It’s all a little confusing to this last century girl!!!
--- says
Kelle,
I haven’t left a comment yet but I’ve been surreptitiously reading your blog for months now. During work…on my phone in the car which then makes me feel “pukey”…huddled under the covers.
I got bangs. Seriously. They look great, thank goodness! And then my husband asked “Whatever made you think to get bangs?” And I admitted to him…after admitting to myself…”I guess it was that super cool Kelle.”
Anyway. There. I said it.
Now, on the gray topic. I’m sure you probably get tired of hearing this, but I have a very dear soul in my life named Brenda. She has Down Syndrome and she is 59. She is an absolute joy and I believe has lead a fulfilling life. She relishes singing “On top of Spaghetti,” she is always alert and interested in what else is going on in the house, she has fights with her imaginary enemy! That’s right – not friend – enemy! I think that is amazing because it shows that her brain is plugging away – she creates these amazing wars with “Witchwatch” and she brings in her real life friends to battle with her.
Another dear friend of mine is Noah Rinehart. He too has Down Syndrome and he’s a senior in high school. The last time I saw him, he argued with me about a Roman emperor – I didn’t think the person he mentioned WAS one and he did. He was right.
When he was 13 (I believe) he broke his neck in a diving accident (on his school’s swim team) and is now in a wheelchair with his arms still functioning but his legs gone. His mom and dad had to go through all the physical therapy again, have all new limitations to deal with. And I’m sure that they have had many gray days.
Here’s where it gets good – sorry – this is sooooo long. Noah is a champion – still – he doesn’t win the Special Olympics races he swims in now, but he DOES continue to swim. Slowly, using his arms to pull him. He won a special award at this year’s state competition for his spirit. HE doesn’t have very many gray days. His parents, certainly. His friends, yes. But he is a happiness warrior – when his wheelchair broke free from his mother and FLEW down the ramp, only to be stopped by some well-thought out hand rails – poor Becky nearly lost it. Noah laughed and laughed. He knew what could have happened, but it didn’t, so he just laughed. Hearing him describe it was like he was in an action film and he was the leading man.
Here’s an article about Noah and his swim coach that you might like to see. http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/more_sports/2009/02/07/2009-02-07_student__coach_both_affected_by_down_syn.html?page=1
I’m sorry that you have gray days in your future (and of COURSE you of all people know that you have every single other color in the rainbow coming at you FULL STEAM AHEAD with your family and all your friends).
I just wanted to say that Nella is going to have fewer gray days than you do. WAY fewer. Because you’re her mama – because Lainey will entertain her – because Brett will adore her. Take heart in that?
Be well,
Abbie
MCH PHOTOGRAPHY says
love that Nella asleep sideways in the baby seat. So peaceful lookin.
Cute bibs!!
My color is turquoise,teal, aqua blue any of the above makes me happy
Cassie says
My gray…that I will still have to work full time once my little on arrives in April because health insurance is a must for me.
My color…I have only gained 1lb and am rocking my bump while finishing my accounting degree and my secret pal had the best homemade birthday apple pie ever for breakfast 🙂 this morning.
JT, Carly, Boston, Jocelyn and Snuggles says
Kelle,
I so enjoy reading your blog and your usually optimistic perspective on special needs. I have a son with High Functioning Autism/Asperger’s Syndrome and there are definately “grey” moments. Moments when I get overwhelmed about his future and I have to remind myself to live in the present. Sometimes I have to just remove us from a situation where his peers are rejecting him and walk inside the safety walls of our home and realize WE love him, lots of people love him and that is all that matters. I was glad to see you have grey moments too with having a special needs child. It surely is a rollercoaster but the highs usually outweigh the lows. Thanks for writing. My high of the week, watching my son participate beautifully in a typical gymnastics class!
Truthful Mommy says
HUGS to you, sweet lady.My throat constricted and my eyes are stinging with tears as I read this and look @ the beautiful pictures of your sweet, sweet Nella.Reality does suck.No parent wants to ever outlive their child.EVER!
My gray this week is realizing that it will be 8 more months until we can all be together again in the same house like a normal family, as my husband works/lives out of state.It breaks my heart every night when my littles cry for their Daddy.I have to stifle my own tears because I am alone here and it hurts in so many ways.But I have to be strong for them.SOme days it feels so overwhelming, the air feels so thick that I can barely breathe.
My happiness..my big bright yellow in life right now, comes from hearing my 3 and 5 year old sing spontaneously at the top of their lungs and from feeling little arms wrap around my neck and love me so hard that I feel like they might break me:)These moments rejuvenate me and inspire me.
Erin says
My gray is knowing that it’s ok to move on and accept my mom’s death. My colour is knowing that I always have my husband and 4 children to hold me up during the gray times.
Laurel says
I am looking forward to pics of the bedroom when you finish!
Tammy says
Love your philosophy that you must accept the gray in order to appreciate the color. Even though it feels so much better to soak up the rays of bright beauty, they wouldn’t seem so bright without having been compared to the shades of gray that sometimes touch our lives.
Thanks for the daily inspiration!
Jelena says
My gray this week was going back to work when I’d so much rather stay home with my baby boy.
My color is of course coming home to him, receiving a shower of hugs and kisses at the door. 🙂
Jill Marie says
My grey this week and always is watching the sadness and disappointment in my daughters eyes everytime her father lets her down. Her big brown eyes well up and I can feel her heart ache. Then I get to console her and tell her how truely amazing she is, and that she is not only beautiful on the outside but beams beauty from within! To see her face turn from pure sadness to contentment because Mommy loves me sooo much! That just bleeds RED! BRIGHT RED!
gevayandmatt says
My gray this week is the thought of a very close family friend caring for her two year old granddaughter and 10 week old grandson while their mother sits with her 29 year old husband in ICU as her suffers from major complications of Lupus which have included pneumonia, dialysis, gallbladder surgery and now 3 large aneurysms on his brain that although they have dissolved have left his unresponsive and sometimes blind. But the happy is the sunny yellow this young mother leaves in her journal on caringbridge.org. Please pray for them.
jen says
my grey … a crabby argument with husband about priorities and frustrations.
my color … realizing that i can balance it all … while at ikea last night alone with all three kids. buying them a dinner. and getting it to the table on a tray. BY MYSELF. while holding the baby b/c i forgot a cart. literally and figuratively – i can balance. it. all.
keri says
Kelle, what a thought provoking post and reading all the comments has me in tears. Its a gentle reminder to always remember that when seeing people, interacting etc – everyone has a story and most times, you don’t know even a sliver of it, so never judge and always just be kind.
my grey this week is worrying about my 7 year old who is has become more anxious, and worried about school and self image.
Hanna says
My gray this week is the huge distance between my husband and me… that now is not only measured by thousand of miles but also by how far I feel from him.
My color is a long excrutiating process of 5 years is finally closing for me and I am wrapping it up with a huge relief.
The Stitt's says
Your optimism inspires me and those little girls of yours light up my world when I read your blog!You truly are blessed 🙂
Heidi says
strep thoat. damn, it won’t go away.
loved this post.
love you.
alig8r76 says
Long time reader but first time to comment. I love your blog and it always puts a smile on my face. My gray this week is that I discovered I have gestational diabetes yet again. Will be starting insulin shots here in my 14th week of pregnancy! I hate needles. The color though is that it’s always worth it in the end. All those sugar checks and all those shots in the end matter not because in the end the reward is holding my beautiful baby!
Krysta says
My gray? Talking about physical therapy with a new place and knowing what life looks like for my little one with Angelmans syndrome. What will we do? what will she be able to accomplish? How can I most help her? I don’t usually dwell on such things, but having to talk about her, describe her to someone who I don’t know and hear what is to be expected is kind of hard. Not knowing is hard for me.
The color though? The color is I know we will be fine, happy, and good. I know that whatever life can throw at us can only make us better and I thank God everyday for my little Olivia, her happy disposition and joyful smiles. The pleasure of knowing her and the honor of getting to be her mother is an unbelievable blessing!
Visible Voice says
I think my gray right now is the fear of the unknown bringing in a second child soon. How I’ll handle it…will I get PPS again…will my first be okay. But then the color of it all is that I get to have this new baby soon and that of course in itself is super exciting.
Love your words.
Lissa says
I’m teary for you now. My grey this week has been a very dark shade. Due to 2 selfish and dishonest individuals, my husbands company was shut down. He has options, but we don’t know when his next paycheck will come. and that sucks.
Karen says
My gray this week is that my little guy had a viral respiratory attack. Which having asthma myself i know can be very scary and heartbreaking watchins someone so small fight for every breath. Luckily a trip to the ER and an inhailer seems to have worked. My color is that after a few year hiatus, I am going back to dance classes. I miss the ability to express myself through a medium I love! Ps – my bathroom is also a shade of cranberry and I love it!
Mama B says
My gray this week is struggling with losing my second pregnancy, and struggling so deeply with the emotional component of that loss, in a ‘attempted’ private way, and yet it’s no secret.
The colors this week is the unconditional love I have in my life – the amazing husband I have, and 2 year old son that has therapy written all over him. Those are beautiful colors right.there that help me get through.
Melissa says
Kelle, you continue to inspire me. They gray can be hard if you try always to focus on the positive. I feel as though I quietly tuck it away and then the gray seeps out (generally from my eyes!)when there is just no more room for it. I try to focus instead on the amazing explosion of love that I feel when one of my girls laughs, hugs me or says something new. And then there are things like what I experienced this morning… despite a cold, rainy day, it seemed that everyone in my local coffee spot was as cheery as a early spring day. It was awesome!!
Thank you for continuing to inspire all so us by just being you!
Dana Munnings says
My gray is waiting for this baby in my tummy to be born. I’m overdue 4 days and waiting waiting, not wanting to be induced. Thanks for being real 🙂 xo
Scott and Jean Lucas says
My gray this week… my 18 year old stepson who was only 19 months when I was introduced to him, is in jail. He is a wonderful child caught up in the wrong crowd. I love that boy and feel he is “mine”. My heart aches for him and what is giving me color… my precious 22 month old twins that run and hug me and give me kisses and love me so so much. I treasure these days with them as I know one day they will grow up and not really want hug n kisses!
Love your post!
Moonbaybe says
My grey right now is choosing between myself/possible unborn and my relationship, that seems to have gone the distance.
My pretty purple color schemes are stemming from going back to school and possibly being a mom. All hinges on tomorrow.
Jennifer says
My gray this week was my Nana passing away, but my color is knowing she is in heaven celebrating with Jesus!
Teisha says
Such an inspirational post. I also try to see the ‘color’ in everything and shoo out the gray but sometimes I fall off that wagona and I’m working to stay on it. Always. Anyways, my gray right now would be finding a church we are all happy at. My color is my family. Especially my two little princesses.
ashley says
Thank you, Kelle. So much xx
Amy says
Love the bathroom color! I have a little gray in my life this week. Thank goodness it is a very beautiful shade of gray 🙂
Amy says
Love the bathroom color! I have a little gray in my life this week. Thank goodness it is a very beautiful shade of gray 🙂
Jasmine says
My big one was last week. Found out my oldest needs eye surgery again (the first didn’t take) and so instead of going home after the appt. we went straight to the state fair and I got to see her face light up as we pulled in and watch how much fun she and her sisters had that day.
Mike and Amanda says
Gray is actually my favorite color. And like my personality I see gray more than eggplant or periwinkle. I’ve been a pretty dark gray this week.
A little over a year ago, my father-in-law died. I know when most people utter the words “in-laws” they shutter and squint their eyes a little bit. Not me. My father-in-law was my “daddy.” He was my rock. He was the steady person in my life. When he passed away I didn’t think our family would recover. But two months later, our daughter was born. Life and Death, its the perfect balance.
This week we returned to the U.S. and are staying in my mother-in-laws house. Joe’s memory is everywhere. But the thing that makes me happy? My daughter. She looks at his pictures like she knows him, even though she’s never met him. She sings to him and giggles when we talk about him. And well, that’s a little bit of color in this gray girl’s heart.
BlackCatsAngel Designs says
Like you Kelle, I am an eternal optimist – there’s always a silver lining – even if it’s hard to find!
My grey is feeling a bit closer to a beautiful shade of midnight black at the moment, but like with everything there is a silver lining…
My Grandpa was put in hospital again yesterday after having an episode similar to the one he had last week, but minus the chest pain this time, but with pins and needles and full body weakness.
They thought it may have been his spinal cord being irritated by some bone degeneration (tiny fragments of bone coming off and and getting into the spinal fluid etc)
Upon further investigation by his cardio thoracic specialist/surgeon, he’s been given a preliminary diagnosis of Glioblastoma multiforme (a fancy name for agressive brain tumour) and it’s the size of a largeish mandarin at the moment and is lodged in where the motor cortex is and from what mum was saying, there may not be an option to operate on it.
Obviously he will have a neurosurgeon swing by and give his diagnosis and prognosis. I’m trying not to stress as there’s no formal diagnosis been given by a neurosurgeon, but with a growth that large, and a mum who’s been looking after patients with these kind of issues for most of her life, I’m not liking my chances of a good outcome.
My dream has always been to have my grandpa walk me down the aisle, and if never getting married meant more time with him, then I would happily agree to it. But I know that this isn’t realistic.
My partner and I have been together almost 8 years and still I am waiting for my beautful ring, but I don’t want him to feel obliged to propose because of my dream either – when the time is right the time is right – no regrets, I know that regardless my Grandpa will be with me on my special day.
Where is the silver lining I hear you ask?
Since I was a little kid (I’ve just turned 25 on the 2nd Nov) he’s been working on a book and he recieved news just a few short weeks ago that it will be published and the launch of it will be next weekend.
Knowing that he will still be able to revel in the delight of being a published author and celebrate without side effects of treatment makes me want to dance for joy, even though I won’t be able to make it to the launch personally, because I’d already booked flights for a holiday months ago, you can bet that my heart will be with him on this special occasion.
No matter what bad times are thrown our way, Grandpa and I will cherish every moment we have left together.
I will be sure of it.
Amanda says
Great, honest post. My gray today is the surgery that my 12 month old is facing in a few weeks for a problem that he was born with, and the subsequent recovery. But oh, the color…he just turned one last week and absolutely lights up our lives. He gives the best baby kisses ever.
Amanda says
Oh my gracious! You strike such a deep cord that I believe resides within every human being, particularly mothers. My gray: My mom has to have surgery next week to repair a ruptured disk in spine. Pretty routine procedure and I suppose I worry too much. My color: I get to hold her hand.
Let your gray enhance your color Kelle! Thanks for all you do!
Midnightcoiler says
Very lovely! Cute bib from Brooklynbib!
Shawna says
My “gray” this week seems pretty silly but I am sorta dreading a couple loong flights coming up this weekend with my 2 notso-great little travelers! I have serious anxiety about traveling with my kids… but I’m trying to stay calm and realize that we will make, even if lots of crying is involved! 🙁
When I think about where we are going, though, and who will be joining us I am overjoyed. Looking forward to a colorful week of fun with family!
Thanks for the beautiful, inspiring post, as always! <3
Marla Taviano says
My gray is some financial hardship. My color is thankfulness and perspective when I think of others’ suffering around the world.
Praying for your fears this morning.
Sara says
My gray is my sister deciding not to take a job near our family, but my little happy is that my “Moms for the Park” committee has fundraised our butts off for a year and we learned we are going to order our very last piece! Yea!
Amy says
Oh my goodness, the tears. I came here to play a little background music while I do dishes, but you drew me in, as you always do.
My gray this week and almost always, is my father. He is fighting stage 4 brain cancer. But what is so colorful, so miraculous, is that this week he
is a four year Survivor! He has welcomed two of my babies into the world since his diagnosis and watched all three grow.
The bibs are adorable.
Hugs to you and your sweet girls.
Mill says
My gray this week is the stress and anxiety my husband is facing and not knowing exactly how to help him through it. My colors are the cooler weather, creamy pumpkin candles and fall decorations that have taken over my living room.
k says
My gray is sometimes my job. I work in a cancer center and meet many sick people, and many of them die… It can be hard, but I also try to look at the people who come here that are survivors and return yearly, happy and healthy.
My little family also give me tons of color, and keeps me going day to day.
Sarah RDH says
My gray this week: My husbands sick grandmother, this may be it for her, and it breaks my heart. Also, not having enough to pay the bills this month. And I had 2 little girls as patients this week, whose 12 year old brother drowned 2 months ago in a pond at a party. I felt so awful for that family, yet here they were, going on with life…
My color: reading this blog, feeling so connected to it, and reminding me how grateful I really am for my family. My daughter is close to Nella’s age (dec 31st) and you know what? No matter the circumstances, there is always a what if?
Erica says
My gray this week- job/money issues/worries.
My hubby works his rear off and sometimes I feel like it does no good b/c we are still behind on things. BLAH.
Denise says
LOVE the picture of Nella laying in her bouncer….precious.
My grey as usual is trying to keep up with my crazy life, feeling inadequate as I work full time, have five kids and my husband drives 4 hours a day to be able to work 8. Trying to enjoy the small things and be thankful for what I have is a daily mission I don’t always succeed at and that makes me grey. Wanting to be home with my kids and be the awesome super parent I know I am but having to leave the house everyday at 6am makes me grey….
What makes me happy right now is my beautiful family and my children and the fact that they are all amazing and I am a really lucky girl.
Marti says
I have lots of gray days – my grandmothers are old but they are my rocks, in good health but i can’t help think about one day saying goodbye…i don’t get to spend as much time w/ my daughter and husband as i would like too (stupid jobs)
But my favorite color is red! And right now my red is that I get to see a dear sweet friend from college tonight that I haven’t seen in years and I just bought myself an elipitcal machine so maybe I’ll look hot in my red bikini this summer 🙂
Alina Maria says
Love your blog. My gray is symptoms of MS poking my legs letting me know, yes… you do have this shit disease, quit ignoring me. My color? Oh my color. My sweet sweet kids, 6 year old Gracie Jane and 10 month old Bower. Love doesn’t get more colorful than that.
Meg O. says
My gray this week… realizing that my son will be 1 in just a few more weeks and the fact that I hate spending every day away from him working (which if I had a choice, I would not be). It is literally a physical pain I feel.
My color this week… realizing that the holidays truly are around the corner and oh what joy that brings to me! I heart November and December. And looking at my boy and seeing he is thriving and becoming such a little boy.
Andrea says
My grey is a 42 year old family friend of my husbands passed away last week and we had the funeral yesterday. His 35 year old brother passed away 3 years ago. Their parents have now lost both their children. Absolutely breaks my heart. My mom’s breast cancer is also weighing this week.
My color was my babies 2nd bday party, which was like a rainbow bag of skittles fabulous.
Tee says
The gray that seems to be covering my world this week is waiting on the results for some medical testing my sweet mother had done earlier this week. I pray for strength and encouragement as she awaits the answers. However gloomy the gray may appear, I have been promised my own
Inkberry #73RB – and His name is Jesus. And He has promised me that I don’t ever have to be afraid. The sweetest part is that He promised my mother as well.
h2ofilter says
Grey – fear a grant will not be renewed, fear of career failure, fear of no income.
Color – Beautiful blue eyes staring up at me as a little one breastfeeds.
KimMc says
My gray this week — my daughter was home from university for reading week last week and the house was alive again! I’m missing her. But getting the opportunity to snuggle and kiss two of my grandsons each morning when I go to their house to get them ready for school – well, that really colours my day! And reading your blog, seeing your beautiful girls, tearing up as I read, and then your antitheses about enjoying the small things – awww, so true!!!
My daughter will be having a baby boy in January. She is an avid reader of yours and would absolutely love one of these bibs!
Thank you, Kelle, for inspiring us all to enjoy the small things!
Amanda says
My gray this week….hmmm…I can’t seem to think of anything. My color this week is that my dad comes in Saturday (he only gets here once a year) and he is meeing my littlest little for the first time. She is 4 months old. Those bibs are fantastic.
Lisa Hewlett says
My gray at the moment is not being able to be home with my 1.5 year old, and putting him into capable but stranger arms everyday. But my color is hearing him yell “Mama!” as soon as he hears the door open when I pick him up in the afternoon, even before he knows it’s me. 🙂
Allie E. says
My grey this week has been realizing how little time I get to spend with my son each week day between getting out of the house, my commute, work, and home responsibilities.
But my color is that time that I do get to spend with him…such a spunky, silly, and loving little boy.
setomsa says
My gray this week is being laid off but my color shines through in that I’m remarkably calm in knowing God has a plan and whoot whoot to spending more time at home where I can enjoy the little things!
Katie says
My gray is that it’s fall in MI and well, it’s pretty gray outside. My students come to class very tired and I have to be the magical teacher who makes everything fun to learn. That can be difficult when the season is so blah. I am finding joy in the fact that coffee is constant in the teacher’s lounge :), Thanksgiving is almost here, and I’m already wrapping Christmas gifts 🙂
Crystal says
My gray is fearing my upcoming birth in a few weeks will be just like my firstborn’s….hideously traumatic on so many levels. And my crazy color is the craft project I have rolling around in my head!
T Kay W says
Kelle,
I have never commented before on your blog but I read it every day and today I felt compelled to leave you a message. I have a good friends who’s uncle has Downs Syndrome. Kenny is about 60 years old and such a delight. My youngest daughter, age 8, just loves him. Because of times in which he was born, he is not very educated but he is one of the most loving people I know. I’m sure people didn’t think he would live to be this old but he is still getting around very good and travels to another state to visit family each year. Be encouraged!
Tina
Amanda says
My gray is a very loooong work week, not getting to spend enough time with my daughter, and the beginning of a chest cold.
My colour will be a much-needed haircut tomorrow and visiting a friend’s brand new baby on the weekend!
Duquesa says
my gray has been 2 weeks of awful stomach flu going through our whole family. my color has been the strength and smiles of my 4 little ones through it all!
Lish says
Once again. Inspirational.
My gray this week- Constant balance of being a fulltime mom who is 4 months pregnant to a 16 month old son, and being a fulltime working mom.
My ray of sunshine-My son’s smile. Everytime, they get me right in the center of my heart.
I love it!
Melissa LaRue Photography says
My gray this week is money. There just isn’t enough of it. I am a SAHM, trying to get my photography business off the ground, but here in good ol’ MI, times are tough. I don’t want to have to think about leaving my kids to go find a ‘real’ job…but I may have to. and that makes me a little gray.
My happy this week is just everything else. My girls, my husband, my life. It’s beautiful…and even though the holidays may not be a as extravagant on a tight budget, my happy is this.
“We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.” -unkown
Marianne says
Hi Kelle! What a beautiful, honest post. This is what I love so much about your writing. You write for real, in all the shades. You can tell your optimism isn’t for show, but it’s part of your character.
I feel like I was having a lot of gray time, but now I feel like things are looking up. I felt like there was a lot of strife, or struggle, in my life. But recently, I’ve been able to put it in a little better perspective. Now, I’m trying to enjoy the vibrant colors of parenthood, being a wife, being a daughter, being a friend. I’m trying anyway.
God bless.
Laurie Dadiomoff says
My gray is having “my baby” despite the fact he is 29, leave for Afghanistan for the 3rd time to fly helicopters for the Marines for the next 8 months. My joy is the fact his wife, daughter and son, who has Down Syndrome, will be moving in with us until he returns.
Jenny says
Gosh, Kelle. I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I pray to GOD almost DAILY that I will be greeting ALL of my children in heaven, and that NONE of them will be there to greet me. That would be my grey…no…my black. 🙁
My color, though, would have to be my new/really old desk, footie jamma’d babies, and NOVEMBER. I love November! (and delicious boy smoochies…I get those from 3+daddy)
Jen says
we have this program called “help me grow” here in ohio… and my daughter has been getting therapy through the program for a little over a year now. but little tikes graduate out of it at 3, and dear daughter has her third birthday right around the corner. today was our last therapy session, and i’m going to miss her fantastic therapists. that’s gray.
but add to that some colorful birthday balloons (gotta plan a party!!) and her starting preschool on monday (gotta pick out her first day outfit!! and get her a backpack!!) and the literally gray today is much brighter. i never thought that i’d be so excited for her to start preschool, but i can feel the good things coming… oh yeah, they are coming!!!
karyl says
o man…have i been having “grays” this week. my work is stressful and my supervisor makes my weekdays very very gray….but i leave that at work, coz when i come home, it’s as colorful as it can be! my boys (my son and husband) are waiting for me and much color is made! =)
http://www.karylbartel.blogspot.com
Lisa says
Kelle, you inspire me always, but I have to giggle that we are doing the same sort of thing this weekend–I, too, am redoing the bathroom on a tight budget. My accent color? Gray. Pretty ironic…it centers around a 3 foot Desiderata wall piece that I love and want in said bathroom…the border color is gray. But I digress.
This week I am obsessing on S falling out of the bed last week. Because even though she is fine, I am not. I keep focusing on could haves. Like how I could have prevented it, could have anticipated it…mostly what could have happened.It has made me question co-sleeping, even, and I am never happier than when I am snuggled with my jammilied nursling girl. And I am obsessed with death this week…I have a friend who lost two children to prematurity, and I keep wondering how and why Life can be so cruel sometimes, but mostly, how can we avoid it? And that makes me ashamed to even think about.
I am not home with my girl anymore…I had 8 beautiful months with just her and me, and I know it is so much more than many are afforded. She has a wonderful care give whom I love dearly. Anyway, 5 o’clock is my joy, because by then, every day, I am home with my kiddos, and everything else stops while I blissfully immerse myself in all things Mommy. Planning the first birthday is awesome, too, and looking at pictures from the last 10 months makes me so very happy.
amber says
My gray this week is that my 9 month old may need physical therepy because she is not sitting up yet and they think she might have a couple developmental delays.
My happy is that she is happy and healthy and I also have a happy,healthy and very smart 4 year old 🙂
A. says
oh kelle,
i hear you about the gray sometimes. both my brother and sister have special needs (his much more severe than hers) and there are days when the thought of what may lie ahead for them is really hard. the gray this week is that my dad fell and broke his hip, leaving my mom and the two kids to figure out how to manage without him at home. ouch.
but neighbors we don’t even know have started bringing meals to the house, and i have a 5-week-old who smiled at me for the first time this morning! i cried a little – it was glorious 🙂
thanks for your beautiful and honest words. life can be hard, but it is so, so good.
andrea
Rachel says
Kelle – this is my first comment leaving you, but I’ve been obsessed with your blog, photos, kids for several months now!
I had to leave a comment bc I recently painted a bathroom in our place a similar color! We used white as the acent color – white towels, shower curtin, etc…really cool looking and we get so many compliments. Then again, I don’t have kids….white and kids may not be the best choice. Anyways, thanks for all your posts – they always make my day!
marlena says
You are my fuel! Thank you for your blog and how it challenges me to reflect on myself.
My gray is the deep sadness I feel for a friend who suffered three tragic deaths in her family last week. The feeling of helplessness is challenging but she knows that her support system is within reach.
My color for the week is the anticipation of seeing my 3 year old all “prettied” up in her “spinning” dress this weekend. She will be in her first wedding and she can hardly stand the wait!
Katie Driscoll says
God Bless your Dad! What a difference he made in that persons life. I believe she knew he was there and his kindness meant so much to her. What a difference these blessed children have made in our lives to make us more aware to make our eyes clear so that we can see all people for who they are and love them all just the same.
This week the gray is when I become an over whelmed mom of 6 but the color I recieve from them is amazing. They remind me that everyday matters and they make me work hard to be the best mom and person I can be.
I have bonus color today. Kind of like fireworks. A local mom is having a fundraiser to kick off the holidays and celebrate her amazing son who happens to have down syndrome. Last year I was scared, I could not go. Tonight my family celebrates with her and we celebrate our amazing little girl. I am with you. I have always ran from Gray. Hurts too much. My daughter changed that for me and while this gray is unfamiliar territory to me I embrace it these days. Starting to love that Gray! Just bought gray UGGS! Love From Chicago!
Michelle says
My gray this week: My husband left his home business and went back to work outside the home
My color: The kids are so excited when he gets home from work….it’s adorable to see!
~ jessica says
Kelle, my heart sings for your family. I send love and blessings to you through the Divine.
My gray is dealing with my husband’s depression. But my colors lie in sharing my creativity, my strength, and my love.
Emily says
Thank you. I needed this. My gray came early this week and is looming over my happy little house despite my best efforts to throw some pretty watercolors around the room to lessen its power…but what you say is true – the gray allows us to appreciate the colorful so much more…
My son (who is every bit of perfection all rolled up into an oh-so-cute package that just RADIATES joy and light) had his 9 month check-up Monday. The doctor has ordered an MRI for abnormal head size(gray) which he has to be sedated for (GRAY!) and until it is all over Saturday morning, I am feeling quite icky about it all. I want my babes to be safe and healthy and the thought of little needles in his tiny arms and his verocious little body being medically stilled and magnetic imaging revealing what may or may not be going on inside his baby skull scares the (bleep) out of me.
Oh, but the palate that he and his sister paint my everyday with is REMARKABLE. Happy does not begin to describe it. I am SO blessed.
In regards to your post, tears are sometimes necessary. Life is hard, life is not always “fair,” but life is GOOD. May all of the colors of your life dance in the sunlight of your optimism, even the gray-toned ones.
much love,
e
mostlymorgan says
My cousin with DS is in her mid fifties now–she is a spunky sweet little lady. Hang on to every bright blue moment…it’s all going to be ok.
threecats123 says
Just in case this didn’t go through the first time (I can’t find my comment anywhere), here is the link to the book I mentioned in my comment – so sorry if I am double posting.
http://www.amazon.com/Many-Colored-Days-Dr-Seuss/dp/0679875972
Tanya says
Thank you for always baring yourself to this wide world, in the aubergines and the grays and in between. You’re right in that in order to be truly human, we do have to experience some of the grays in order to really, deeply appreciate the tangerines and peacock blues!
My gray this week…finding out that one of the children I work with in the pediatric transplant clinic has metastatic cancer and is no longer eligible for what might have been a life saving organ transplant. Life is too precious, and sometimes seeing those moments when you know it will for sure be taken too soon seems too unfair to handle.
BUT – my color, my brightness – is that at 16 weeks pregnant today, I am feeling my first ever baby move inside me! It’s amazing and I can’t wait until he/she is here in the world with me. I have so much to learn and who will my baby be? Who will I be as a mother? Just me, only more so? Or will it change me – this I am sure – but how?
I would love a little bib for our baby due April 21 🙂
Ryan's Mommy says
My gray today: My parents just drove away after a week-long visit. I miss them already.
My color: Just unpacked my fall and winter clothes from the attic, which I haven’t worn in two years, since I was pregnant last fall. Like Christmas! New clothes!
And … my great aunt had Down Syndrome and lived into her late 60s. Your Nella is beautiful and I hope you have many, many decades of love with her.
(apologies if this posted twice)
MeganMR says
This comment has been removed by the author.
threecats123 says
My gray is the thousands and thousands of dollars of therapy bills that are accumulating – therapy for my son that our insurance company has decided is “not medically necessary.” My colors are my four phenomenal children and my husband who is my best friend and soul mate.
Thank you for your blog – it makes me cry and smile and helps this overwhelmed mama so very much!
I thought of this book right away while reading your post – we have this one and my kids love it.
http://www.amazon.com/Many-Colored-Days-Dr-Seuss/dp/0679875972
Helene says
My grey-I have been trouble getting pregnant which is very unusual for me. I had to start progesterone this week YET AGAIN to try to kick start this whole fertility treatment shenanigan. What brightens my grey is my wonderful 3 year old who truly makes it all better and proves that all this junk I am going through will be worth it… 🙂
The Stelly's says
Gosh after reading some of the comments my “gray” isn’t so gray compared to others, but none-the-less it’s my “gray”…. And that is having to leave my baby boy (4months) every morning while I go to work. Oh how I wish I could be with him every second of the day. But the wonderful color in my life IS my boy, my wonderful husband and amazing Mom who watches my sweet boy everyday. We also added more color to our family a month ago today when my sister gave birth to twin boys, my adorable nephews!
Sher says
I see brightness in her eyes Kelle. As someone who has never seen her other than here, I see a baby girl with blue eyes and looking ever so alert and happy as any other baby her age would be.
I don’t see a delay or pause in her captured expressions. Maybe I am just being naive, but I see her brushing your hair one day when you are old and gray.
She has way too much to show all of us to check out early!
(((hugs)))
Sher
Alison says
13 days ago one of my best friends was killed in a bike accident. Six of us had all moved to NYC about the same time several years ago, and have formed an amazing family here together. So now, as the 5 of us try to figure out where to go from here and what life will be like now, I am taking a cue from the cold rainy weather today and just enjoying the beauty of the gray. Life sucks right now. I know it won’t always be that way, and colors will find their place again, perhaps in slightly different shades, but they will return.
I love your command of words and pictures, and the way your entries tend to echo just what I’m feeling at any time.
ARR34 says
My gray this week is just like any week…I am a kindergarten teacher and while I love my students deeply I can’t help but think of my two little boys at the babysitter and what I am missing out on. My color is that tomorrow (Friday) we get a day off because of Parent Teach Conferences, so I get to be home all day with them!
As far as the optimism vs. pessimism…my dear friends daughter was recently diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma. And she mentioned to me that she sometimes visits that dark place of what could/may happen, but she can’t stay there because of her kids. She doesn’t want their time together to be dark and sad. I admire you for always “enjoying the small things.” Thank you for sharing them with us!
denise says
i’m with Melina. the election definitely made my life gray.
Jessica Larson says
This hit so close to home for me today. I too tend to shove away the gray and just not think about it. After reading your post, I went and sat in the bathroom at work and just cried and let it out for the first time. Someday, I now I will appreciate the strength these difficult times have brought me. And in the meantime I just have to remember:
‘Life is sometimes hard. Reality sometimes sucks. But most of the time? Most of the time, it’s amazing.’
Thank you.
Charity says
Thanks for the gray, makes the brighter colors you often share seem all the more precious. May God sit by your side every time you have those thoughts of gray and warm you with thoughts of His miracles and power even in the realities of the life we live in. Thanks for your blog, it brightens my week; even the gray ones.
-Charity
Gina says
My gray this week is that my husband is working many hours of overtime, leaving me to wo-man the household (including my 3 year old and 10 week old boys) alone.
The color? I am realizing that I CAN do it. 🙂
mysuper5 says
My Gray is: fighting with our school to allow my daughter to participate in the general education classroom and feeling like I was never really cut out to do this.
My color is:I can do this and I amaze myself with my own perseverance and the fact is Jordan is so awesome and we are so incredibly lucky she blesses our life’s.
She says the most brilliant things and people are drawn to her because she makes them feel good and happy. She really needs to be bottled up and sold but I’m to selfish to do that….sorry!
mysuper5 says
My Gray is: fighting with our school to allow my daughter to participate in the general education classroom and feeling like I was never really cut out to do this.
My color is:I can do this and I amaze myself with my own perseverance and the fact is Jordan is so awesome and we are so incredibly lucky she blesses our life’s.
She says the most brilliant things and people are drawn to her because she makes them feel good and happy. She really needs to be bottled up and sold but I’m to selfish to do that….sorry!
The Swanson Family says
My Gray – Defeat. Five months ago I left my job to be a SAHM because I needed to be with my baby – my Mother in Law who had been caring for my children relapsed while watching them (she is an alcoholic) and they suffered some neglect before we realized what was happening….so I quit and prayed everyday that somehow the dwindling money would last a little longer so that I could hug and cuddle them everyday a little longer….but the money is gone and so, in this horrible economy I am looking for a job…..but from the gray also comes my joy – I have gotten to be with my beautiful children for 5 months, to hear their every conversation and breathe with them their every breath, and so while the gray will bring growth and we must move on, I am grateful for all I have had. Thank you for reminding me of that!
None says
My grey? Is that right now my dad is fighting cancer. how can it be that someone like your father can be so sick? He’s doing chemo and radiation and has been pretty sick. Although I am taking your advice and thinking that today is today and there is no reason to really feel grey. We got news today that the chemo and radiation is doing it’s job! That is one color!
My other color is that tomorrow my daughter will be 2! Early on in my pregnancy we weren’t sure she would have any birthdays and now she’s having a second one! We celebrate 2 years of her and two years of being a mom! What a journey it has been! I also have to say that your color is pretty stinking cute!!! 🙂
Thanks so Much Jen from Ma! 🙂
Annie @ The House That Jade Built says
My gray – I’m 24 weeks pregnant & my baby girl may have DS which is OK, but she does have a serious heart defect & we’ll have open heart in the first 6 months of her life – it terrifies me! I can so relate to your fears as well about the life span – I try not to worry because where do you stop honestly?
My color – my 4 year old daughter & 3 year old sons hugs & kiss & I “lobe” yous. And – the kicks and hiccups my baby girl has in my belly – she’s safe in there and if I could heal her heart in there oh I’d do it in a heartbeat 🙂
Thank you for sharing your life – the colorful and the gray!
Jess says
My gray this week is being on a super strict budget cause we have no money. 🙁
But the colors are my super cuddly baby and my wonderful hubby
Amy says
The Gray: Losing a friend to cancer at far too young of an age.
The color: celebrating his life and knowing he lived every second he could to the best of its potential.
And also – vacations. we are heading to Mexico.. sans baby for a week. Excited (and a little sad)…
This post had me in tears. Nella is very lucky to have you as a mama, Brett as a daddy and Poppa as… a poppa.
Love.
Vanessa says
My gray this week came yesterday.. I am a single mom struggling to make ends meet for myself and my daughter. I took the day off because I was almost at wits end. I cried out of frustration and lonliness. My color came when my 8 year old daughter took the okra and cornmeal out and begged for an after school snack of deep fried okra. =D
Whenever I read your posts I can’t help but think of something Mahatma Ghandi said.. “There’s more to life than increasing speed.”
May your day be beautiful and blessed!
Christian @ Modobject at Home says
My gray this week… a vicious bout of strep throat.
My color this week… home joys!
poppyseed says
Work is my gray. My son, pregnant belly, and husbands are my big fat rainbow in the sky.
Lisa Brown says
My gray is when I drop off my son at day care, so I can “be productive” and work – though my heart is telling me I’d be more productive at home caring for him. 😐
poppyseed says
haha I mean HUSBAND (NOT PLURAL!!)
Kat says
My gray this week: continued issues with DH’s adult daughter. She’s in her 20’s and has a good degree, but continues to make bad choices.
My color: DH has finally returned to a normal work schedule and we have been able to spend more time together than we have had in the past couple of months. Also, reconnecting with an old friend that really “gets” me.
Lisa Brown says
PS – That first self-portrait photo of you is absolutely stunning!!!
kis4s says
Nella’s smile is always a “little happy” that brings me color!
My gray this week. . . my 13 y.o. daughter’s independence.
I have this deep deep fear of her independence. I fight it, try to cover it, get angry about it, get sad about it, cry about it. The process of grieving over the passing of her littlegirlness, kills me sometimes. This past Halloween weekend she was with friends – both at our house and theirs. I can see and hear when they are at our house, but can’t when she goes to their house. I have a hard time functioning until I know she’s ok. Other parents have embraced independence at this age – I’m clearly not there yet. Ah – the manic-ness (is that a word/concept?) of parenting!
My little happy that is bringing me color is reviving my morning workout this week with Sun Salutations. I feel so much better, more motivated & energized. I see things brighter, more clearer.
I wish I was saying my happy was choosing a color (or colors!) for my dining room and living room stark white walls . . . but not yet! Soon, but not yet, (so I keep telling myself. . .)
I’ve always been a fan of the yin and yang of life. Its easy to be on one side or the other and forget that it is the necessity of life to go through both – is the process that helps us evolve into our whole selves!
;o) Alison
Melissa says
Yesterday the partners of the company I work for wisely closed down all their offices and sent all us employees out to volunteer and give back to the community. I ended up at our local food bank and packaged up the bags of basic necessitys, canned and dried foods, that are supposed to last a family of four two weeks and all of which could fit into one or two normal grocery bags. It made me feel so thankful to have a job in these scary times and to be able to have money to buy the rediculous amount of groceries I buy for two every week. I came home to put some color back in with a wonderful, and colorful meal of ratatouille and salad with my hunsband, my brother, mother and new brother in law. There’s nothing like some time with your family to bring some color back in your life.
The Riggs Family says
My little bit of gray– I have to attend the funeral of a friend’s 8 week old daughter tonight.
My little bit of happy– My daughter telling me last night that her favorite flavor of ice cream was “sprinkles.”
Anne says
I had some very gray moments at work this week, but also colorful moments from taking family photos for one of my good friends . . . it totally filled my bucket! 🙂
Tiff and Seth says
Not sure if it is possible, but my gray had a little bit of color splashed in with it! My mom lives on the West coast and I in the East. She flew in last week (Wednesday) to celebrate my daughter’s 1st birthday! We had a wonderful visit, party and enjoyed spending time together. My gray came on Monday night as we left her in a hotel lobby so that she could catch her fly early the next morning- and we had to drive home. I’m crying again thinking about it! My constant splash of color? My beautiful daughter!
The Riggs Family says
My little bit of gray– having to attend the funeral for a friend’s 8 week old daughter tonight.
My little bit of color– my daughter telling me her favorite flavor of ice cream is “sprinkles” last night.
tina says
My gray this week: Looking at my beautiful 6 week old daughter knowing that in 6 more weeks I will have to leave her in daycare and return to work where I can’t hold her all day long like she desperately wants me too.
Love the blog & as a first time momma and aspiring photography student, I check back often.
Jenny says
My gray is that my family is again waiting to adopt a baby. We brought a little girl home a year ago this month, but her birthfather did not consent to the adoption and we relinquished her after 6 months in our home. The anniversary of meeting her and learning to love her is tough. Our 3-year-old was an amazing big brother and I ache to see that magic again.
My color is that I know our wait will come to an end. If we wait it out long enough, our chances of success are pretty much 100%.
Kristen says
My gray this week is hosting a shower for a law school friend whose mother is dying of cancer. Her mother won’t be able to attend the shower as she’s admitted to the hospital for her pending next round of chemo.
My bright orange and vibrant yellow (colors of the shower) come from the fact that we simply told cancer to kiss our a$$ and we’re moving the shower to the family room at the hospital. WE won’t let cancer rob them of this special mother daughter memory.
LOVE your blog. It’s a continual source of inspiration for me.
Sarah's Spot says
my gray is miscommunicating wth my husband. never fun. but so grateful for our love…
E says
My gray this week is the unknown. I am less than 5 weeks from my due date with my first child. But my color amidst the gray? Feeling my Little Miss Magic’s every move…whatever the unknown reveals, I got this…bring it. 🙂
Kristin says
I so needed to hear this post. I’ve been feeling gray about going back to work/school in a few weeks after having a wonderful career as a stay at home mom. I need to focus on the color here and now: wispy pigtails, washable markers, brushing our teeth 8 times a day JUST because it’s princess toothpaste, and my two year old’s unbelievably keen sense for emotion
Sara says
you are such a strong woman, kelle. and your life looks like a beauty!
my gray this week…i lost my right ovary, fallopian tube and two liters of blood from internal bleeding. i want a lot of kids, and i get frightened that it’s going to be hard to conceive all the kids i’m yearning to have. but i’m thankful for the love of my life, sam. he’s always behind me 110% and there to hold me. he’s such a blessing in my life. he’s my color – all my favorite colors. 🙂
Aunt Kiki says
My “gray” today is that my that my niece it set for surgery tomorrow morning. Lilly has Ds and is having surgery to fuse her c1-c2 vertebra together. I’m sad that she has to go through this, but I know that it will make her stronger in the end. She’s one tough cookie and we love her more than the world.
Kelle, thanks for being so supportive to us through this time. Your kind words and healing thoughts have been amazing. Thank you for inspiring me to write a blog in honor of Lilly.
http://ourlillygirl.blogspot.com
A + M + S says
My daughter loves eating ice cream cones too lol
Although she likes them with a little bit of my leftover ice cream still lingering on it 🙂
CUtest bibs ever!!
aleytac at hotmail dot com
Caitlin says
Kelle-you once again inspire me!! My gray this week has been worrying about my mom-my best friend. She had cancer in her past and has not been feeling well. While she most likely has what the rest of the world would chalk up to a common virus or bug, we always have the constant worry of cancer recurrence. It sucks!! As much as I agree with you that I have every expectation my son will be holding my hand someday. It is REALLY painful to think of me being in that role for my parents. So, that is my gray. My mom’s Wonderful smile, joy for life, and all the ways she helps me are the silver lining. Of course-my son (as always) is the JOY of each and every day 🙂 Thanks again for your inspiration and beautiful words and pictures of those cuties.
Fianna says
My gray is that we are definitely moving out of state later this month. Away from my family, taking my baby girl away from grandparents and cousins.
My color is that once our house sells here, I will be staying home with her. That this will all get so much easier sometime soon.
Eleni says
The gray in my life is when I drop my daughter off at daycare for the day…The bright light is at the end of my day, when I pick her up and swoop her in my arms!
Brooke says
My gray…it would have to be my husband’s job right now. He’s in the middle of his most challenging year to date and it keeps him away from home most of the time. He will go a week without seeing his little ones and it’s so hard. On everyone.
But we also enjoy a rainbow of color every day. We look for it. Seek it out. And it’s all around. Baby toes. Hot tea. Fresh playdoh. Beautiful fall weather. And today, seeing your post!
Adrienne Ewing says
Your blog always seems to speak to me at the right time. Two weeks ago exactly, I responded with what to say to my 13 year old self. I said to not worry about boys because you will marry your best friend. The very next day my best friend, the love of my life, the man who brought color to my days here on earth, died in a bicycling accident here in NYC. Today my life is gray and I see no colors. Thank you for your words. Without knowing, you are able to express some of my pain better than I can.
Kim and Gary says
I’ve had gray for quite a while now because my baby has been having seizures, but they are finally under control and he is as happy as he’s been in a long while…. So I’m enjoying some beautiful, bright hues these days. I also try not to dwell on the life expectancy of our divine little ones, for we know not what any day will bring us. Enjoy today, treasure today, live today!
Angelina Taumaoe says
ahh this post gave me burning sensation!
my gray this week was looking at our savings account and realizing that it is down to practically nothing. We have a one year old, another one the way and money is an issue right now 🙁
My daughter, who brings my husband and I colorful love everyday, just learned to stand on her own and it brought us soo much joy to watcher her standing there clapping her hands… she was so proud… as were we!! She reminded me that the moments that make life worth while have nothing to do with money.
moodychick says
Oh man, that song makes me cry on a good day and now you give me that, with your gorgeous post?! I am a teary, mascaraed mess right now!
My gray was my pre-conceived notion of a Blah November, but catching my daughter mirroring my negativity, I swiftly turned it around when I donned my girls in bright orange muddy buddies and purple tutu’s for a little pirouetting puddle jumping 🙂 Suddenly November is lookin’ GOOD!
Thusa says
Sometimes gray is ok.
Today my gray is the sky. Its chilly and rainy here in NY and I just want to be home on my couch with some tea, a blanket and my pup!
Sharone says
the tears are welling from this post… But seeing that determination in Nella’s beautiful eyes makes me believe she will conquer all!
my gray… the after school homework with my kids, the rain that won’t stop today & the nagging cold that’s making my nose red!
the color… knowing in a few days we’ll be on a cruise to islands & all will be happy (for at least 7 days!! LOL)
xoxo
-s
Annie says
My gray is that I would love to be a stay-at-home mom with my two loves and we are not currently financially able.
My color is working a modified schedule so I can be a part of there lives a little more until I’m home with them.
motherofangels says
My grey is a good friend telling me it BUGS her when I talk about Down Syndrome too much.
My color is the fact that Down Syndrome isn’t something to hide. We are proud of Macy as we are all of our kids!
Tina S says
My gray is some financial issues, tough week with my husband. But my color far outweighs the gray. And I would love to give that bib to a wonderful new mom I know!
Joanna (and David) says
My gray…knowing that there will be things my son will never/can never do. Having Spina Bifida he will never play football or run a marathon – he most likely won’t have the strength for hiking a mountain or even whole day walking around at Disneyland. He will face multiple surgeries, miss out on who know what while he recovers, and may never even be able to do simple things go to the bathroom on his own. But we see rainbows when he smiles. And the fact that he is 17 months old and walking holding our hands is a miracle – I will hold his hand forever if he’ll let me. He has brought so much color to our lives – and we know by his ever-happy face he doesn’t even see the gray – which is almost enough to make me not see it either. 🙂
Stephanie Hillman says
My gray is having just moved and not having any friends yet…but my colors are knowing that I will and the smiles on my 3 BEAUTIFUL littles faces. Oh how I love my girls!
MarytheKay says
So beautifully said. Your words have brought some sunshine-y yellow into my world today. Thank you! 🙂
Matt & Kelly says
Gray – being at work…
Color – rushing home after to see my little girl.
katiemarie says
My gray is missing my family around the holidays.
My color is the fact that I have two beautiful girls to look at every day!
Momma For Life says
My grays this week is that I am heavier than I have ever been and get frustrated.
My color is that I get out and exercise 5 days a week no matter what. This keeps me going along with my almost 4 year old little boy.
Mrs. G says
Wow – you always know how to make me cry and smile within 2.56 milliseconds of eachother. Beautiful post, as always.
I have no gray this week – my gray was last week when our transmission messed up and we had to cough up $800 for the fix. My color this week is that our dear friends had their first child and I get to meet her on Saturday and then at night, dinner with friends. Which doesn’t happen nearly as often as I would like because we have 2 sons, a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old who we think, hung the moon.
Happy Weekend to you and yours!
PJH says
My gray is missing a seventeen year-old student who passed away a year ago this fall.
My color is helping her spirit to live on by appreciating the small joys in life–one of the themes she often wrote about.
Thanks, Kelle, for reminding me of this daily!
MeganMR says
Thank you for this post. I have had a lot of grey in my life lately between my husbands major back surgery and my son’s clefts. What brings me color is my 7 month old son. Since the birth of my son my life has had many ups and downs. I do believe these experiences are teaching me to be a stronger person, wife and mother, to see the little joys in life and how to cope with unexpected.
Shuzzy says
Grey? My separation anxiety with son who started all day everyday kindergarten this year. I miss him so much! I’m still having rough days after 3 months! He’s doing great and loves school. (He’s my one and only child.)
Color in my day: Seeing his smiles at pick up time and spending the evenings with him.
Love your blog! You have a beautiful way with words.
Liesl says
my gray this week was going back to work and leaving my little. i cried the whole way to my job. on the other hand it brings happiness too because i can afford to buy him christmas presents.
MJ's Mommy says
Kelle~
Today your blog made me laugh & cry all at the same time…that is living! You did what so many of us, and I know I often can not do..and I quote you “I held the hot potato, I felt the burns, I cried and used it to fuel me.” And that is what works…don’t avoid feeling things that hurt, feel them, deal with them and go on 😉 I recently learned that while reading “Women, Food, and God” and you again taught me today. My Gray: going to see a counselor to deal with buried pain from my childhood…Color: there were lots: the weight lifted from finally talking about it, being TV at home this week (by choice) and enjoying the moments with my lovebugs, my son & I just made homemade potato chips (his idea) for the 1st time..YUMMO, and you & your blog are always my color XO P.S. The bibs are adorable!!!
Kristine says
I just heard, two hours ago, that a highschool friend lost her 13 yr old son in an accident. It’s a very gray day.
My color is and always will by my boy. He spreads rainbows wherever he goes. He’s my life. *sigh*
I love a good remodel and can’t wait to see what you come up with in your bathroom. Kisses to Nella and Lainey. Your two sweet angels.
xo
Kris
beachbum0407 says
my gray… is that my boyfriend of 6.5 years left me (for a younger woman no less… and i’m only 25!). and while it hurts to lose the boyfriend aspect, it hurts way deeper to lose my best friend. i am crushed and i don’t know where i will go from here. the only color that i have is my friends who are doing their very best (from many, many miles away) to keep me sane.
makeupandpearls says
my gray this week is realizing that i’m not really happy with my current career path – and i’m not so sure if i should change it or not.
but i guess the happy is being able to have to choice to act on it.
Barbie says
My gray this week has been seeing my husband in pain. He just had shoulder surgery and is in a lot of pain but hopefully this too shall pass and quickly!
I can’t wait to see the bathroom makeover!
polkadotmamaof2 says
my gray this week is getting anxious about christmas and how we will afford it. every year since this economic down turn we make it, but every year, I panic when the decorations in the stores go out. how i would love not to stress about all that.
My color was going to the mailbox and getting my first substantial check for blogging. That made me feel all sorts of color. Knowing that people actually read and like what I write, is pretty much awesome.
and then reading your blog and knowing that everyone has their grays. and what a blah color that is to be, but then scrolling down and seeing your rainbows will make anyones day.
love it.
Marlies says
My gray… desiring to see how my firstborn son (born stillborn 14 1/2 months ago) would have reacted to his new baby sister!
My bright colours… our sweet girl, Ranen! (Ranen – meaning joyous in Hebrew)
Erin B says
I too have felt grays this week…the monotony of day to day life! Too many “little things” and not enough “big things”. But the bright colors of this week will be greens and purples at my daughter’s Tinker Bell birthday party this weekend.
P.S. Her name is Brooklynn and would look so cute in those adorable bibs!
gretta says
Grey is (because I still like it spelled the old-fashioned way)…hoping for a baby and feeling the mood dip, indicating it’s probably not going to be this month (again).
Color is most definitely updating my nearly 9-year old teacher wool-pea coat for a new, long, black wool coat, and a silver puffer coat – two for the price of less than one, thanks to Old Navy’s Outerwear Sale and a tiny spot on the sleeve of the only coat my size that got me a fabulous “damage discount” at the Gap.
abbey says
My grey lately has been the fact that my grandfather has alzheimer’s and since my grandmother is in her 80’s she doesn’t have the stamina to care for anymore. He had to be moved into a home for the elderly on Monday…and that makes me very sad. But I am so thankful for the full life he’s lived and the love he has for his wife, my beautiful grandmother, and the rest of the family. He still knows us and I’m cherishing that for as long as I can. My amazing husband and beautiful baby boy always make my days colorful and lovely. Also living under the mercy and love of my heavenly Father makes my life so worth it! I am extremely blessed!
RedHead says
You are truly amazing in everything you say and do. Thank you.
aatmbal4 says
my gray…a miscarriage at 11 weeks in december (yes, i am still dwelling)reality is, it will always be with me. my little happy…i am expecting again and just made it to my 15th week! I am thinking a bright tangerine orange color for this little one!
Tracy says
My gray this week, well really my gray for the last nearly 3 months, has been my husbands new job. It’s taken him away from our family for 70 hours a week. And while it might not seem like much for most families… it is for ours. It’s rocked us all to the core. I’m having a hard time adjusting. I miss him. My son misses him. Our family dinner table misses him. I suppose it’s the ebb and flow that life throws our way. I’m just hoping to get through it sooner than later. Adjusting that is. It’s the inbetween that kills. I need to find our sort of normal.
Thanks for the constant reminder to “enjoy the small things”. And small things are exactly what we fill our Sundays (one day that we have together a week) and exactly what I record little snippits of on my phone and send him for a quick smirk in his sometimes bleak day.
Big hugs to you and your family that I feel I know so well.
Lisa says
I’m sure you’ve heard a 101 of these stories, but my uncle in law is too blessed with an extra chromosone. He is 55 and healthy as a horst ~ loves Nascar, my kids, and grabs a mean piece of ass anytime someone isn’t looking. Nothing is guaranteed, but that beautiful, beautiful gem Nella is guaranteed the best from you because you give her that daily. Literally, those eyes just melt you, don’t they?
My grey?…nothing that should make me too grey, you know? And the colors. They come in the vivid shades of three wonderful little girls and a hubs that makes me giddy.
I find you, your life, and your girls inspiring. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
sarahrice82 says
My gray this week is not getting to work. But it’s an oxymoron, because it’s also the most colorful thing about my life right now. I had a baby 10 weeks ago. I miss working everyday and some days are just that…gray. But the color that comes from being with my sweet baby 24/7 makes that gray seem very insignificant. Those vibrant smiles cover all the gray on my easel. 🙂
Jessica says
I lost my daughter when she was far, far too young and besides wishing she was still here, I wish that I had could have done more with every minute we did have. You do an amazing job of living in the moment and Nella will have a long wonderful life for it.
Tammy says
My gray right now if running on E and trying to find some space to recharge correctly. I get so excited when I have a couple hours to myself that I don’t fully enjoy just being.
heather says
My thoughts are a little different on this subject . . . I worry so much about Morgan and what will happen when I’m not here. I don’t want her to be here without her parents. There’s just no winning so it’s better to just live in the present and enjoy each day for what it is.
Kelly says
My gray and my happy are one in the same this week. Finding out that our new baby is a little girl. Such joyous news to hear, that our big girl will be getting a sister, but also just a touch of gray…for realizing that my husband and I will never know what it’s like to raise a son. Mostly the news is a gorgous rainbow, with just the slightest hint of gray in the background.
CASSIE says
Grey: There hasn’t been any milk in the fridge for 2 days now…
Colour: That my hubby is coming to rescue me with Chinese food, and help with the house cleaning this weekend…
♥
Ashley says
Incredible post! You really stir my heart…
My blessings this week, as usual, include the fun squeels of my two year old girlie. Such a sweet noise.
God bless you.
live.love.laugh says
Hey Kelle& family!
I start my first day at my new job tomorrow, as a nurse in a nursing home. I needed that change and that new pace but I’m apprehensive. It’s a gray area, unknown territory. This may seem silly but I changed my phone wallpaper to a beautiful, colorful picture of the Eiffel Tower all lit up. Reminds me of my childhood spent there and that’s my yellow right there 🙂
I am thinking of you guys xoxo
AC says
Ugh. My gray is that my hubs is loosing his job – company is going under – and we’ve already been on a tight budget for a few months. I just don’t know how much I have left.
My color… well, of course that’s my baby girl (wish I could attach a photo, she’s got a buddah belly this mama would love everyone to see) AND the fact that I know it’ll be OK. Somehow. Someway.
Everything seems to work itself out.
In all honesty, my other color is this blog. I love love love coming here and looking at your photos and reading your stories.
Heather@WHMB says
My gray is my constant struggle to be an amazing mom and keep my career. Blessed in both ways, but seemingly always a struggle…
Redecorating does amazing things for the soul, loving the colors!
Tiffany says
Thank you.
melissa says
my “gray” this week: scared to death to get a level II ultrasound, (I know, most people look forward to them) because my doctor is conservative and for my past pregnancies, she’s never asked for one. This time is different because of my age…so what ‘tomorrow’ might bring scares the hell out of me. However, my “happy” is: I keep reminding myself what a blessing…another child to love! And the fact, that, when I read your blog, I am more inspired than ever. Thanks Kelle!
Sasha says
I can’t imagine outliving my children and what a scary prospect for you. Grab today and run with it 🙂 None of us know what tomorrow holds.
My gray this week is definitely my sick kiddos. My two big ones have strep throat, pink eye and a stomach bug between them and my baby twin has been diagnosed with reflux. At least we have a diagnosis.
My rainbow comes in the form of my sister who is visiting from England for 11 days. I haven’t seen her in 14 months, so it’s the best feeling being with her, despite the germs floating round my house!
Happy Thursday 🙂
Callie says
My gray this week is facing an upcoming day, a day I dreaded facing those first few weeks, my daughter’s first birthday. That may sound terrible but it is such an odd reconciliation of emotions, the worst day of your life that was supposed to be the happiest day of your life that was still beautiful because my daughter was born and was overall healthy and perfect she just had down syndrome. But….this little girl has changed my world she IS the little happy that colors my and my entire family’s life. I am in such a better place and so looking forward to celebrating her birthday but I have to admit it is the strangest of feelings to reconcile the two: supposed tragedy vs the love one feels for their child. While I may give pause and recognize The Sadness when she visits that day, November 18th, it will be but a very short stay for her because in the end it is so good that Kate is in my life and I am blessed.
Sharon says
My grey this week is related to public education in my state (Arizona). It’s in a sad, sad place. I’m a high school English teacher (on hiatus at the moment to stay home with my sweet, beautiful 18-month-old daughter). I worry about those in power in our state who are on a mission to dismantle it and privatize it, and the fact that several people assumed pretty big power this week to actually do it. It makes me very, very sad. Sad for the kids of this state, sad for “my kids” (my former and future students), and especially sad for my daughter.
My color is my daughter and my amazing husband – (and the special relationship that they share together).
I come to your blog always for inspiration in my own life, as well as to share in the story of your life that you so boldly put out there. I know you have no idea who I am, but I feel like I know you, and in reading your blog today, I feel for you and the sad moments you felt this weekend.
Your daughters are beautiful, sweet souls, and I love how you inspire me to see that in the world around me, and especially in my own life. Thank you.
karlee says
gray is definitely a fight with my husband, while my favorite kelly greens and peacock blues is making up and remembering why we got married:)
Ali's Mom says
Kelle-
My biggest fear is what the future holds for my daughter with DS – but we don’t know what the future is for Lainey or my sons either, do we? We just have to know that they are all loved and will continue to be loved and nurtured into fine young adults. We just have to have the same faith that do with our other kids, that life just works out the way it’s supposed to!!
Thank you for the great discussion today and helping us all to see that we ALL have grey in our lives, and we can all also find the gorgeous colors if we just take the time and look!
Thanks Kelle for the color you bring to all of us!
Kammy says
I, too, have a young child with a disability–so many of your posts really speak to me and I feel a lot of what you feel (nice to know you’re not alone sometimes!) My sweetie is 2 and the light of my life. He is healthy for the most part, but requires speech, occupational, and physical therapy every week. I do have gray moments, though. My gray this week is knowing that we have to go in for an EEG next week to see if he is having seizures at night while he sleeps. I’m terrified. My color this week? Seeing him try so darn hard to run toward the crashing waves when we went down to the beach yesterday afternoon. He is so close to breaking into a full-blown run. It’s so cute. He’s often the bright spot in my day.
Alli says
My Gray is having negative in the checkbook again, should I be surprised, its been this way for months now.
But My Color is having my sweet kids happy with a Mama who takes care of them all day!
carrie says
You are an inspiration to me. You have such an eloquent way of writing your thoughts on paper. Your girls are gorgeous too!
dfan4 says
I have a cousin (boy) with down syndrome he is like 29(?) and he works in a pharmacy (in Central America). He is thriving he manages his own “money” and washes his cloth. Very independent boy. Don’t worry Nella will do just fine with a strong Momma like you by her side.
Nicole says
I am addicted and in love with your blog (and the pictures)!! I found out about it thru the baby center website about 2 months ago and I have been hooked ever since. I am currently 6 months pregnant with me and my hubby’s first baby boy!
There are alwasy grey’s in life and this week they seem to be hitting from all angles. My husbands family has been hit with some bad health concerns and everyone is on edge of what will go wrong next. The darkest grey of the week, my husband brother, my dear borther-in-law has been sentenced to 6 mo. in jail. Of course we all agree with ‘u do the crime u pay the time’ (or some saying like that) but oh how I hate to hear my husbands crushed voice as he tells me the bad news. But my pink skies always come around. This week it was when hubby reassured me that i shouldnt worry bout being tired when the baby comes, I can sleep when he comes home from work and he will handle our baby boy from there. So small and totally not a big deal but as a pregnant lady I had to wipe the tears. He always reminds me that we will have each other.
Well thanks, like I said love your blog. I will continue to read and look at your awesome pictures. I hope to learn something in the next 4 months so I can fill my baby albums with some amazing pics.
Jenny Livingston says
Life expectancy. Those two words can be very harsh.
This week I’ve been struggling with them as well, only for me it is my own life expectancy that’s bothering me. I have a genetic disease called cystic fibrosis. The average life expectancy for someone with CF is 37 – I am 23.
As I’m making preparations for yet another 2 week hospitilazition for treatment, I’ve been dwelling on those words again. Usually, they don’t bother me – they are, after all, just words. But sometimes I have to let the gray come through for a bit, too. I have to allow myself moments to cry and throw my hands up and shout that it’s just not fair.
But then, when my daughter (who is turning 15 months old next week) climbs into my lap and gives her mama a big, slobbery baby kiss, the gray immediately fades and gives way to brilliant colors! And when she says “Mommy”? Sigh. Life truly is AWESOME!
And those two words? Well, that’s all they really are… simply words.
Wani says
I’m having a “grey” day… My second son (3yr) has a serious undiagnosed developmental delay that has changed what every day of the rest of my life will be like. We also have a 6mos daughter and I am becoming more and more fearful that she will be following in his footsteps. My heart is breaking for all the hopes and dreams that I, that we have to say goodbye to – again. I feel overwhelmed thinking about having to care for two special needs kids… I don’t feel equipped for this.
Emily's Endless Words says
Grey: The anxiety that always fills me when I think about my unknown and unknowable future.
Color: Knowing that I’m in control of today and I’m making it the very best day of my life.
Lesli Temple says
My gray this week has been not wanting to do school work because I have been feeling a great need to just snuggle and play with my little princess. I would love to be home with her every day, but can’t afford to, so continuing school it is. However, the happy and colors are coming tomorrow, knowing that this weekend is a weekend at home of relaxing and playing and snuggling (which hasn’t happened in a long time). Enjoy the rest of your week Kelle:)
Rebecca says
My gray comes in a few shades… my house which has great bones but has a lot of flaws (we bought a little over a year ago, we had a small budget and in NJ it doesn’t go far, what we got for our money was amazing but still… needs so much work.) and the work it needs is financially and time wise impossible. I also can seem to find a way to balance raising a baby and keeping it clean. The mess drives me nuts, and builds up and totally overwhelms me.
I’ve also been feeling very anxious and short tempered lately and it makes me sad. I feel the familiar grays and blues descending that consumed me many years ago, but I am able to keep them at bay thankfully. (for the most part) life is too fleeting to let yourself get consumed in them.
Financially we’re scraping by but it’s rough. And to top it off my husband’s job is horrendous. They treat their employees like crap and it’s so bad he’s practically on the edge of a depression from it, but he does it and keeps going to support his family. This often results with him being moody, and spending more time playing video games (his method of getting away and decompressing) for so long that I feel he doesn’t want to spend time with me and don’t I make him happy….
However, despite all this, those shades of gray or only a portion of the colors we see daily. I’m a firm believer in the end everything happens for a reason and despite some things sucking right now, ultimately, life IS GOOD! I have a house, that we are able to pay for still,, we have food to feed us and our baby, I have the most wonderful sweet happy little baby girl who brightens any gray moment with a smile or giggle and instantly makes you remember that life is indeed good. I have a husband who loves me and his daughter so much that he keeps going at work even though he’s beyond miserable. He loves us so much and is a great dad and husband. I have two great (though CRAZY) dogs (huskies..) who also brighten up every day with their happy shining eyes, and wagging tales (though they can drive you nuts all day too, in the end I love those big ol’ fuzzballs) I thank God and my lucky stars every day for how good we have it. How lucky we are. I have everything I ever wanted, and while it may be a bit tattered and not bright shiney and new looking as some, it’s as wonderful as I thought it would be.
So, while gray pops up frequently around here, the bright colors of the rest of every day life keeps us going. Life is good. We have it good compared to so many others out there and I just have to take a moment to take a deep breath and remember how lucky and blessed we are. And the house will eventually be fixed and clean, but my baby won’t be a baby for long. Enjoy her babyhood, get around to everything else when you can.
And your blog helps me remember to honesly enjoy and cherish the small things. You can go through life in two ways. You can focus on the bad or you can focus on the good. Sometimes it’s hard to focus on the good but if you try it makes life so much more livable and worth while and helps you get through the bad much easier. Thank you for reminding me of that on those days it may seem a bit more difficult than others
Rebecca says
My gray comes in a few shades… my house which has great bones but has a lot of flaws (we bought a little over a year ago, we had a small budget and in NJ it doesn’t go far, what we got for our money was amazing but still… needs so much work.) and the work it needs is financially and time wise impossible. I also can seem to find a way to balance raising a baby and keeping it clean. The mess drives me nuts, and builds up and totally overwhelms me.
I’ve also been feeling very anxious and short tempered lately and it makes me sad. I feel the familiar grays and blues descending that consumed me many years ago, but I am able to keep them at bay thankfully. (for the most part) life is too fleeting to let yourself get consumed in them.
Financially we’re scraping by but it’s rough. And to top it off my husband’s job is horrendous. They treat their employees like crap and it’s so bad he’s practically on the edge of a depression from it, but he does it and keeps going to support his family. This often results with him being moody, and spending more time playing video games (his method of getting away and decompressing) for so long that I feel he doesn’t want to spend time with me and don’t I make him happy….
However, despite all this, those shades of gray or only a portion of the colors we see daily. I’m a firm believer in the end everything happens for a reason and despite some things sucking right now, ultimately, life IS GOOD! I have a house, that we are able to pay for still,, we have food to feed us and our baby, I have the most wonderful sweet happy little baby girl who brightens any gray moment with a smile or giggle and instantly makes you remember that life is indeed good. I have a husband who loves me and his daughter so much that he keeps going at work even though he’s beyond miserable. He loves us so much and is a great dad and husband. I have two great (though CRAZY) dogs (huskies..) who also brighten up every day with their happy shining eyes, and wagging tales (though they can drive you nuts all day too, in the end I love those big ol’ fuzzballs) I thank God and my lucky stars every day for how good we have it. How lucky we are. I have everything I ever wanted, and while it may be a bit tattered and not bright shiney and new looking as some, it’s as wonderful as I thought it would be.
So, while gray pops up frequently around here, the bright colors of the rest of every day life keeps us going. Life is good. We have it good compared to so many others out there and I just have to take a moment to take a deep breath and remember how lucky and blessed we are. And the house will eventually be fixed and clean, but my baby won’t be a baby for long. Enjoy her babyhood, get around to everything else when you can.
And your blog helps me remember to honesly enjoy and cherish the small things. You can go through life in two ways. You can focus on the bad or you can focus on the good. Sometimes it’s hard to focus on the good but if you try it makes life so much more livable and worth while and helps you get through the bad much easier. Thank you for reminding me of that on those days it may seem a bit more difficult than others
Rebecca says
My gray comes in a few shades… my house which has great bones but has a lot of flaws (we bought a little over a year ago, we had a small budget and in NJ it doesn’t go far, what we got for our money was amazing but still… needs so much work.) and the work it needs is financially and time wise impossible. I also can seem to find a way to balance raising a baby and keeping it clean. The mess drives me nuts, and builds up and totally overwhelms me.
I’ve also been feeling very anxious and short tempered lately and it makes me sad. I feel the familiar grays and blues descending that consumed me many years ago, but I am able to keep them at bay thankfully. (for the most part) life is too fleeting to let yourself get consumed in them.
Financially we’re scraping by but it’s rough. And to top it off my husband’s job is horrendous. They treat their employees like crap and it’s so bad he’s practically on the edge of a depression from it, but he does it and keeps going to support his family. This often results with him being moody, and spending more time playing video games (his method of getting away and decompressing) for so long that I feel he doesn’t want to spend time with me and don’t I make him happy….
However, despite all this, those shades of gray or only a portion of the colors we see daily. I’m a firm believer in the end everything happens for a reason and despite some things sucking right now, ultimately, life IS GOOD! I have a house, that we are able to pay for still,, we have food to feed us and our baby, I have the most wonderful sweet happy little baby girl who brightens any gray moment with a smile or giggle and instantly makes you remember that life is indeed good. I have a husband who loves me and his daughter so much that he keeps going at work even though he’s beyond miserable. He loves us so much and is a great dad and husband. I have two great (though CRAZY) dogs (huskies..) who also brighten up every day with their happy shining eyes, and wagging tales (though they can drive you nuts all day too, in the end I love those big ol’ fuzzballs) I thank God and my lucky stars every day for how good we have it. How lucky we are. I have everything I ever wanted, and while it may be a bit tattered and not bright shiney and new looking as some, it’s as wonderful as I thought it would be.
So, while gray pops up frequently around here, the bright colors of the rest of every day life keeps us going. Life is good. We have it good compared to so many others out there and I just have to take a moment to take a deep breath and remember how lucky and blessed we are. And the house will eventually be fixed and clean, but my baby won’t be a baby for long. Enjoy her babyhood, get around to everything else when you can.
And your blog helps me remember to honesly enjoy and cherish the small things. You can go through life in two ways. You can focus on the bad or you can focus on the good. Sometimes it’s hard to focus on the good but if you try it makes life so much more livable and worth while and helps you get through the bad much easier. Thank you for reminding me of that on those days it may seem a bit more difficult than others
Sissel says
My grey was going back to work after a 1 year maternity leave.
My color is my family…my 2 amazing kids and a wonderful husband 🙂
Ashley says
My gray? The thought that a doctor made a nearly fatal mistake 8 weeks ago that put me in post-delivery surgery rather than sharing our planned “golden hour” with my husband, holding my baby girl in my arms, after 21 hours of labor. It makes me sad at least once a day. But at least as often this beautiful girl brings me blinding color. Particularly the little hand that clutches my chest as she feeds, as though to say “It’s okay, Mom… we’re good!”
The Lazy Mom says
My gray was waking in the middle of the night Monday to the smell of fresh vomit on my hallway carpet outside my 7 yr old’s room, the sound of my 13 month old beginning to wretch as soon as I finished cleaning the carpet, and then the cramping of my own stomach alerting me to the impending viral doom as soon as I laid my baby down 2 hours later.
My color was holding my 3 beautiful kids after being bedridden for 24 hours with the stomach flu and my wonderful husband who cared for them (and me) through it all!
MG Atwood says
The gray is my ex son-in-law taking my grandson to CA for a long weekend..he’s irresponsible and I worry…the bright is Sunday when he returns, and I see his elfish smile.
God's Girl says
You have touched on something I have been reading, hearing, and meditating on for the past month. When I hear the same topic discussed over a short period of time, I believe it is God whispering his confirmation on what “dose” I need for the “struggle(s)” at hand. I read in Oswald Chambers’ devotional “If God is fulfilling His greater purpose through broken hearts, then why aren’t you thanking Him for yours?” OUCH!! I can’t begin to imagine the worries you have, but I can relate on some level. One of my closest friends delivered her baby that did not survive birth 9 weeks ago. I was one of 3 people that was blessed enough to be there, hold her, cry with her. What I’m getting at, is I was in the midst of the battle of my life for my family’s survival. When this tragedy hit my friend, my perspective completely was turned around! I believe this beautiful baby Mary served a purpose in God’s world (as my friend already can put her finger on it) as did my own personal heartache that was happening simultaneously! Trusting in the One who created her will see you through! Thank you for sharing your rawest of emotions.
craftymama says
Love, Love your blog!
Jessica says
learning to deal with the fact that when I make plans, they aren’t always going to come to fruition. friends are important and though it may not always be easy to get together, when we do it will be magic…like a beautiful rainbow of color!
Crystal says
My gray seems so silly now… and it has just about taken over my life. You have such a way of helping me see perspective.
My sixth grader is not doing so well at an elite charter school that we have been given an opportunity to attend. We are swimming… and falling quickly. Homework has taken over our home. Projects runith over. Mommy has become crazy! I feel like I am the student as I just about did his thesis paper on The Treaty of Versailles for him. It is so hard to acknowledge that we are in over our heads. I do not want him to think it is ok to quit, but I also have to teach him to acknowledge his limits, establish boundries and reassess as needed. When school takes over our lives and I become a not so pleasant mom, I have to reevaluate. A happy home is most important.
Kelle, your blog is my regular fix as I search for contentment in a chaotic life. Thank you!
kj says
My gray? the fact that I cannot find a job as a pediatric nurse practitioner (frustrating!). My lovely colors? Knowing that I currently have a job that I do love (staff nurse). And that tonight is date night with my hubby 🙂 And my wonderful parents, and wonderful in-laws 🙂
Jenny Hayes says
The gray is reality. The color is yellow for hope!
Kathlyn says
My gray this week is the freezing cold rain that happened today . . . not ruining my world or anything but putting a damper on happy spirits and plans that we had.
Bringing me joy – the fact that my little girl (10 mos) is getting to the point where she is THRILLED beyond belief to see me when I come into her room after nap or first thing in the morning. I really have to remember to bring my camera with me when I go in sometime – the smile is just SO rewarding!
Katie Razor says
My gray is a friend’s painful decision. The colorful part was having another friend hold me as I cried about my friend’s choice.
Zoe says
First time commenter here 🙂 I have had plenty of gray here and there is life but today my colour is the beautiful Mauve that is covering my hands…i just finished painting our MB today 🙂 Finally our retreat feels like home!
Little FYI…my daughter Macie, who is 2 1/2yr and has a significant speech delay said your daughter’s name tonight. I was reading your blog and she came running as she always does when i’m on your blog, yelling
“Momma! Baby!” I told here “that is baby Neela”….and then the sweetest little new word came out of mouth…”Baby nlela”. LOVE IT! A new word added to the list!
Keep your inspirational and your way of sucking the marrow out of life coming…i’m hooked to your positivity and look forward to all your posts.
Hillary says
You are not alone. Grey is over casting my life right now and I am having trouble seeing the bright colours. Right now the colours are smeared and all I have is that blah, unflattering, dullness. Your Dad was not the only one who sat beside someone who’s life was being taken far to soon. This Monday I held my wee nephew for the last time as he left us here and grew some wings for God. Far far too soon. We are struggling but trying to bring colour to his lasts smiles, and coos. It’s times like these that we need to enjoy the small things, to embrace them and love them for today. not tomorrow. nor yesterday. but today.
Sammie says
Great question Kelle. I’ve found my gray this last week in being homesick. My heart aches that I can’t just swing by my Nana’s house for coffee, invite mom over for lunch, or go on an evening stroll with my very best friend. I miss them. Lots. My color this week, and every week, is my little Nati Jo. She will be the big O-N-E on the 14th of this month and I still can’t believe she is mine. I’m HER mommy. She is MY daughter. It’s a beautiful thing. Because of her there will always be color in my life. Always.
Nicole S says
My grey is that although I love my new job it means that I’m going to have to go back to work after I have our second child in April. The color is that I am pregnant with a growing baby, my son is growing into an awesome little guy with a great personality, my husband and I both have jobs we love, we are all healthy and life is good. 🙂
Kate says
my gray is my husband being out of work, His not having a job has been one of the best things to happen, our kids see him more and we get to see each other ( he used to commute 70 miles one way each day) We’ll make it and he is my color that makes it ok and tells me it will all work out
Jana says
My gray- getting the constriction in my throat and a paralyzed feeling knowing that I’m going into work and not liking what I’m doing…knowing I need a change in my life
My color-getting an email and an offer to do something that I truly love and enjoy…all the while trying to appreciate my journey in advanced education to get to that point in my life where I will love and enjoy what I do.
p.s. I’ve been enjoying your blog for the past three months and felt compelled to comment today.
Becky says
Also painting a room – bedroom ( how fun!) my color pallet is teal and chocolate brown.. I love BROWN, which maybe says something about my appreciation for the grey in life. Without it there would be no growth, no perspective.
you have a truly beautiful family! <3
Amie & Doug says
I began reading your blog two weeks after I had my first son and it has left me inspired. I often feel like I should leave a comment but so far, never have…
My grey this week has been this guilty feeling that I am ripping the “baby” from my baby! He is only 9 months old and I am almost 3 months pregnant with our second child. I want to be the best mother possible but can I be with two small babies!? I FEEL grey, my heart is breaking for my precious little man and all I may not be able to give him. Is it bad to feel like you may not succeed at something you most definitely HAVE to succeed at!? Ready to pick myself up from this but so far this week has been nothing but grey.
texasmacks says
My grey? My 39 year old sister of three girls has stage 4 breast cancer.
My color? Just found out that three months grueling months of chemo cleared her lungs of tumors and she gets a mastectomy in two weeks. We get to have a booby party!
http://www.texasmacks.blogspot.com
Natalie says
No grays this week, thank God! I’ve had too many this last year. The grays always make me stronger even though they hurt.
Megan says
My Gray this week is: as I watch my sister go through the adoption process and we are waiting for a potential birth mother to chose who it is that will raise her baby. All I can do is think about what she must be going through. As a mother of 3 beautiful children I couldn’t imagine having to decide who it will be to raise my child.
My Color is: knowing that if my sister and her husband are chosen that baby will have the world at their fingertips. Plus not to mention the worlds coolest Auntie.
Max-n-Sam's Mommy says
So eloquent Kelle…
Not too much grey in these parts today …. just thinking about my best friend in the whole world, my Nan, and thinking about how badly I wish she lived long enough to meet my 2 amazing little boys. Sad to say that’s a grey that’s been a long-time lingering. But, oh the colours she taught me – no rainbow could do it justice. My colours are watching my 3 and 1 year old playing together. Tonight’s laugh was the 1 year old copying every move of his big brother’s wii play. Too funny.
Hope you have a good night. Dream in colour ;o)
Sara says
I’m 2 weeks from my due date with my first little one……..feeling super excited to meet him! Nearly every day is brightened with images of motherhood. Very little gray in my world right now besides the crazy discomfort of being 9 months HUGE!
Amy says
Love those GORG bibs!!! Nella is rockin’ my world, just love her.
Laura says
My gray: my father is dying of cancer and I am an ocean away. I was planning on going for Xmas but I have a gut wrenching feeling that it might be too late. I am checking last minute plane tickets for next week.
My color: I got just married on Saturday to the kindest and wittiest guy whom I adore!!
I am so happy and …sad.
Joel and Lee-Anne says
My gray this week- missing my mom who died suddenly 4 months ago, 3 weeks before our new daughter came home from China…missing her so much….
everydaymomma says
Dearest Kelle,
oh how this post left me a sobbing mess, I can just see your beautiful father there in that place with her,his heart so overflowing with compassion and kindness.There is no doubt how amazing you have turned out with him as your father.I worry so very often about outliving my children it scares the breath from lungs,and the more i try to not dwell the harder and deeper it goes,its in those moments i grab my bible and i pray like mad to ease the crushing anxieties.My gray lately has been learning that my mother who i have forced myself to become distant with is heavily addicted to drugs and living under a bridge, while i miles and miles away am raisng my teenage sister and doing my best to shelter her from the harsh realities of life.Also i am 32 weeks pregnant with my 5th child and have an enormous amount of issues including having surgery just 3 weeks ago to remove my gallbladder and trying my best to recoup from one thing after another complication wise.My beautiful shades of color are my 4 amazing beautiful blessings including my twin girls who are 4 today and the man who works his bum off to give me the world.
-Siobhan
Clare says
love your post mama!! my gray will have to be the sudden death of my 26 year old friend Liz…she left behind her one week old baby and her three year old son. totally overwhelmed by it, and i don’t think it has completely set in…
colors have to be picking up my best friend’s four year old today to take her and my son to little gym…she has a brand new baby and a 2 year old, and it is just great to do her a favor (I feel like she did so much for me when I had ellie)…i think giving back is the greatest gift!!
Deborah says
I said my final goodbyes to a very dear friend today, and it was hard so very hard…especially when it was so unexpected. He was an amazing man, who left behind a beautiful family and a wonderful legacy…That was my gray …My color was coming home to my beautiful babies and holding them a little tighter and a little longer because we never know what tomorrow holds…..
On a much lighter note…LOVE the bib!!! Expecting a new nephew in March..would make an excellent gift for little Patrick!!!
Heather says
My gray this week is my ex-husband and his slow slide in to being a non-entity in our children’s lives. Oh the tears I’ve shed when the house is quiet. The weather matched my mood today – dreary.
My color is my fiance who is right there to pick up the pieces and try to fix my hurts. He is a true gem and I’m so glad to have found this amazing man who loves ALL my babies equally. There is no “mine and ours” they’re are only “ours”.
As always your words inspire me and lift me up – even if you were feeling the gray.
Brooke says
Oh sweet Nella and the ice cream cone….LOVE IT!
Shannon says
My gray is worrying about my baby girl – due in February – who we found out also has DS. I worry about her health and the challenges she will face. And I also worry about who will hold her hand if I’m not here.
My joy is my son – who still thinks its Halloween and has been having a blast all week in his costumes and pretend trick-or-treating…he never fails to make me smile.
EB says
1. I love your site – brava! I’ve been reading since Nella’s birth. Our little girls are only about a month apart in age. Thanks for the regular reminders to savor the small things!
2. Love those bibs! Super-duper cute… we may need to pay a visit to etsy.
3. My gray this week: not living closer to my parents. I’m sad that they don’t get to see the day-to-day loveliness of our little one as she grows. That said, I’m so grateful that they are a part of her life, and that we get to see them as much as we do!
4. Random, but I received an American girl catalogue in the mail this week… did you know their ‘girl of the year’ is named Lanie? I know the spelling is different, but nonetheless, kinda neat!
Denise says
My grey this week…my dad in the hospital and two germy kiddos (my daughter has a lung disease so colds are scary). My two germy kiddos still end up brightening everyday.
I love painting! It can totally transform a room.
Denise, WI
Danikarp says
My grey is the death of my uncle. But my color is the crazy painting we now inherited that sits over our fireplace and reminds me everyday about his quirks and craziness and his amazing individuality.
Kaylea says
kelle– this post is simply beautiful. your way with words continues to amaze me. tonight i am happy to share my families colorful life with down syndrome, my aunt susie, my dad’s sister has down syndrome, she will be 55 this year and i’m thrilled to report she has no health problems what so ever! when susie was born, 54+ years ago my grandma and grandpa we told that she should be institutionalize– this was obviously a different time, clearly they refused and susie is the light of our lives. now as my grandparents have gotten older she has become their eyes an ears, and she is able to do so much to help them. she works two jobs, is active with special olympics and amazes us and makes us all so proud everyday. life is a colorful thing for my family, for susie, for you, your family, and for beautiful nella.
i look forward to your words.
thank you for your sharing your gift.
kaylea
kaylealivingston at gmail dot com
Mindy says
Your blog is by far my favorite of all that I follow. You are an amazing writer, photographer, and mother.
Before reading this today, I was focusing a lot on my grays. But now, all that I can think of is the beautiful, brilliant color that is my baby boy.
Morgs says
My husband tested positive for Huntington’s Disease 4 1/2 years ago, one month before our wedding, and it is still hard to deal with sometimes. I went into a real depression for a good couple years and in all honesty still fight with it sometimes. Some days are just plain brutal. I go back and forth between feeling pure love and enjoying every single moment with him and sometimes I find myself pushing away because I’m scared of loving him so deeply then losing him. It’s a constant battle. I also worry about my 15 month old son testing positive for it as an adult. It scares the life out of me and catches hold of my breath when it crosses my mind, so I generally don’t let it. I’m trying to learn that it doesn’t define my husband, it doesn’t define our marriage and family – it is just something that is in our lives, like dishes and laundry. They’re a pain in the ass but you still have to deal with them!
My little happy bringing color right now is knowing that we’re only one month away from TTC!! 😀
gkey says
dear Coming to terms with Gray,
I don’t really like the color, but i love the name Gray, or Grey. We were in Gray Maine a couple weeks ago, and it was a lovely vibrant spot of New England.
My “gray” is that i am not as patient and tolerant when my 4 kiddos shenanigans get out of hand. I realize more all the time that parenting is not for wimps!
The “color” is that i DO have healthy happy kids and my husband makes it possible for me to stay home and be what i always dreamed of being….Full-time-Mom-Wife-Homemaker.
Love,
Color makes the Gray times better
in
NE
LibraryGirl62 says
My Gray: realizing that most of my work at school is work parents should be doing
My color: making connections with kids who really need someone to believe in them (and my own “babies”-they are always my color!)
Denise says
My gray this week was having a fourth grade student lose his daddy suddenly, watching him and his family walk through that, and explaining it all to the rest of my students. . . tough week. My color was watching another one of my students walk up to this little boy at the funeral, stand with him, arms wrapped around him, supporting him without a word spoken.
cathy says
Sometimes it’s nice to read about the grey too… we are all living this life together.. today!
Andy & Jen says
My gray this week is that my Papaw is in ICU again with possible kidney failure….but my color is my sweet 20mth old angel who holds my face between her hands & says sorry for no reason.Also Kelle-What color/brand lipstick are you wearing in the first picture? Looks very pretty.
vernyvern says
Deep stuff, Sista. Love how you have great music to fit every mood, too. That first pic (self-portrait) is stunning. Nella all the sudden looks older to me. Isn’t it wild how they change before our eyes. My gray is all the worrying I do about being the best mom I can be for my boys and always feeling inadequate. My color? The baby that everyone said wouldn’t nurse is going to town while I type this with one hand. Go, Levi!
Summer says
I love this post.
I love your realism. Love your balance. Love your colour and your gray, well… your gray makes me cry, but you write so beautifully. My heart aches to think that you could lose your girl – that anyone could lose their child. But I love your optimism…never change Kelle. You are so far beyond wise. Your writing just screams wisdom…I learn so much from you.
My gray is seeing pain in my clients lives this week, wanting to help but not being able to. Wanting to rescue them but not having the skills or the tools necessary…seeing them suffer. It’s so hard.
My colour is helping others. And getting a glimpse into your beautiful heart…and of course as always my beautiful family and crazycutecuddlybabygirl. There is so much colour.
Holly says
Gray – My dad died a month ago today. It’s hard keeping a mask on throughout the day so I can get on with my duties, and then taking it off at night to let go.
Happy – My almost 3 year old daughter talking to her “Grandpa in Heaven” while we rock before bedtime. Having her wipe my tears and tell me, “It’s okay Mommy. Grandpa is with Jesus.”
Celina says
My gray is coming to terms with switching drs while I’m 28 weeks pregnant because I’m just not feeling the love in that huge practice of hers. But I feel better that in the end I’m going to have my beautiful baby boy. It’s a mere bump in the road, right?
Braden and Lily says
My gray is not spending enough alone time with my hubby (we need a date night!).
My color is watching my son grow up into a healthy, happy boy … and awaiting the arrival of my newborn daughter in January!
Braden and Lily says
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Big Blue Sky says
Wow… My gray this week – I am in the middle of a possible miscarriage. Ultrasounds, bloodwork, and lots of praying. Although it has been an emotional rollarcoster – I have found peace in many things. The ultrasound tech’s beautiful green eyes, that smiled while trying to find any bit of happiness for me, The sweet Doctor in his bright white coat hugging me the only way an old friend can, my forever comforting friend who sat in the ER with me and missed lunch with her family so she could hold my hand, my husband…. patiently waiting for hours in the waiting room with his colbalt blue eyes – supporting me with every step of the way. Life happens – sometimes it sucks, but you are right, it is the small things!
teresa says
My gray is that I didn’t do so great on my practice SAT today (I blame it on my horrible cold) but my little brother with downs syndrome sat on my lap all evening and cheered me up with his soft kisses and little giggles.
aklpitt says
What is my gray? Realizing I’m harder on my girls than I should be, my expectations are too high. Reading your blog helps me have color. And sitting reading Wizard of Oz with my girls gives me color.
Mands says
My gray this week is the reality that my family isn’t what I thought it would be…divorced and separated by miles but my color is that it has brought new people into our lives we would have never known before and new cities with beautiful views to travel to.
Amy says
Giant *hugs* Coming your way. My “gray” that leaves me feeling a little lighter, if I can call it that? I’m working with patients who have COPD…who are very, very sick, end of life. And I think of my own mother who had COPD and died at age 64…and I thought (and shared with my clinical instructor today) that I think I was glad that my mother died at 64, suddenly, without warning, and not specifically from her COPD…because it saved her years of suffering debilitation. Is that horrible? I don’t know…it’s gray, that’s for sure…but that she didn’t suffer longer? I’m glad for that.
Jen says
I also have a child with some special needs. Sometimes I get so caught up in what he can’t do. Lately I’ve been really focusing on what he can do and that is make us laugh hysterically…all day long! (:
Beth says
I have never commented on your blog, but I love it. I’m just a fellow mommy trying to make the most of each and everyday with my sweet munchkin’s! My gray this week came in the form of a double ear infection which gave me one very cranky baby…my color ANTIBIOTICS!! Yay for a sweet happy baby again. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful life, your blog is inspiring.
Amy says
Grey. I enjoy a grey day or two like this week. I have also had difficult moments of my own. But I found the silver lining on those grey clouds. My birth experience was nothing like it was “supposed” to be. It didn’t happen the way the books said it would. It didn’t happen the way anyone said it would. I didn’t read the chapters that weren’t going to happen to us. Too bad our daughter didn’t read the chapters I read. My experience resulted in a day of very….very…natural labor, c-section, short cord issues which left us unable to cord bank, hours of baby temperature issues so we didn’t get to see her for 5 hours…and on and on it seems. Breastfeeding. I wanted it to be sooooo good. To go sooooo well. My daughter and I sucked at sucking. Nothing was going as it was supposed to. She wasn’t regaining her weight. I was crying. All the time. This wasn’t baby blues. I was shaking. I hadn’t eaten in 2 days. I had post-partum depression. I set myself up for it. My mind didn’t realize that my body doesn’t read books. My mind didn’t realize that maybe my daughter’s inner wisdom, her soul, God….knew that she *had* to turn into a difficult position. If she didn’t, if she was delivered naturally with a short umbilical cord, I could have ruptured, bled out. She could have had oxygen deprivation and worse. While intellectually I realize that all of these things added up to a healthy mother and baby 5 months later, emotionally I am still a wreck. My poker face is great. I go to work everyday. I smile. I fix peoples’ pain. I hide my own. I hold onto the light of her gummy smile in my mind and heart, wishing I could erase the desire for the “normal” childbirth. I wanted the fairy tale. I wanted to breastfeed. I still long for it now. I get so angry with myself for not appreciating how it really went down. It happened the way it happened because it needed to happen that way. My daughter knew what to do and she did it. For both of us. And she smiles now. All the time. And I love it. And I love her….sooooo very much. I had no idea it would be this wonderful; I am amazed by everything she does and how my heart aches to be the most loving mom for her each day. Through the help of my husband and a most-wonderful mentor, I have learned, and am accepting my daughter’s wisdom. I am trying to connect what my mind knows to be true and what my body feels. I am trusting my daughter’s inner wisdom. This week I am learning to trust my own. We all have our grey. Sometimes the poker face crumbles and I babble all over my husband (or your blog!). I thanked my daughter this week. I sat her in my lap and said thank you. She gave me the big gummy smile that melts me. The sun is starting to shine again.
Krystle says
Beautiful and as always inspiring.
My gray this week – my husband having to work very long hours this week and how much it has worn him out.
My color – it’s almost Friday and time to spend with the hubby. As well as getting a head start on making my Christmas cards this year where I finally get to be the one that says we are expecting!!
Amy says
I just wrote the most about my gray that I’ve ever written. I clicked “publish” and it said there was an error because my comment was too long. I thought about re-typing it, then realized it is late and I have to get up for work soon. I then decided what I typed revealed a lot to my heart. My mind and body might be on the same course finally after all this time. I guess whatever I was going to say wasn’t really important to post but more a perspective important for me to share with myself. Thanks for the blank space.
Amy says
oops, guess it did. serendipitous? i think not.
Pokey Feet says
I loved this post.
My gray this week… money, needing more and not having enough time to make it happen. I know we can do this. I know it.
My color… my kids. I love them so much. My daughter turns four this weekend, and seeing the pure excitement in her face as she marks down each circle in her “countdown” that she drew herself. Letting my baby grab two fistfulls of my hair and pull me in so he can chew on my chin… it just doesn’t get better than that!
dani says
crazy that this is the post for today. we were hit with some gray. my husband’s company has filed bankruptcy and his job will last only until february. with 2 sweet girls depending on us i have been able to see all of the gray all too easily today.
but you know what, tomorrow i will dance around the living room with my babies and will listen to the sweet giggles and know that jobs come and go, times will be hard and then not again, and we will always have each other.
monty.chicken.love says
Gray… my best friend passing away and my color… Seeing my first bobcat in the wild and… my watching my three siblings play!
BethP says
My little grey puddle that I splashed in this week was mostly involving a disappointing financial time as of late. My ray of sunshine? New single out by Pink called “Raise Your Glass”. I listened and bounced right out of the puddle.
Tara says
you brought me to tears. my gray this week was finding out that a boy in our community (who has taught my daughter in swimming lessons) committed suicide. he was in high school. he had 3 brothers and loving parents. there were no signs, no known reasons. as a mama, that’s hard to think about. really hard. my color this week has been enjoying some amazing Indian Summer days with my 3 year-old daughter and 1 year-old son. we’ve had such simple, pleasant days. I feel very blessed.
Urban Archeologist says
I didn’t realize until I read your post tonight that this week has been full of grey – i too fold it and stash it away. my grey – watching the pain of those i care deeply for – dealing with my own anxiety and depression – living in a new town and feeling completely alone – the spash of color – friends on the other end of the phone – a puppy who brings me love and joy in a way i was not aware was possible – your words that touch my soul every day – TOMORROW seeing my best friends baby – baby love – i can’t wait!
Kristen's mom says
Would your father have sat with the 50 year old woman if sweet Nella hadn’t came into your life? Because of Nella that sweet lady had a friend in her last days. Someone I have never met, from England, told me that she was on a very crowded bus. She was lucky to get a seat as she was worn from a long day at school. As she was sitting a young man with Down syndrome got on the bus. She because I had shared Kristen’s life she thought of her and gave her seat to him. What we do does matter. Raising awareness and sharing love.
Kellan's momma says
My gray is really gray this week, almost black it’s so gray…I am an oncology nurse, and the mother of a 1 year old with Down syndrome. I have cared for a girl in her 20’s with Ds for several months, and she lost her battle with acute leukemia 2 days ago. It kills me to imagine what her mother must be feeling. The reality: our children with Ds must work extra hard for everything in life, nothing comes easy for them (except love) and then so many are handed this wicked disease. WHY? I know that I’ll never understand, and I know next week I won’t be as scared as I am tonight, but I also know that I will cherish every day I have with that sweet boy, and treat every day like it could be our last. That is the gift my patients have given me, to be grateful for today, and hopeful for tomorrow.
Soaking Up the Happy Life... says
Finances are my gray…
My color is that I still get butterflies from my husband whom I have been married to for 20 years this December. I don’t take that for granted.
momcnl says
This was the most fittin gpost for my week. My father surevived another stroke. I gathered my 4 children up and visited with him. He is gray, his situation is gray, but close to that gray is that silver lining!!!
Sasha says
My gray, packing up my old apartment.
My color, unpacking in my new and fabulous apartment.
Stef says
Kelle, what I love most about you and what I know Nella will appreciate the crap out of you for is the fact that you live IN today, for today and you don’t fret {as much as some do} about tomorrow, next week, next year or the next decade. She is going to love that you love her TODAY. That you celebrate the new day that she and her big sister wake up with new breath, new adventures, even trials. One of the main reasons I love your blog is that infectious joy and zest for life that you have. Yes life can really suck sometimes. Yes there are BAD days, where we want to curl back up and sleep through, waiting for the “better day” to creep its happy head out. But even in all that, even in worries and stress, you bring out the brightness that is this world. You find joy, peace, happiness and truth. I love that.
My prayer is that God will give Miss Nella many, many healthy years of life – that she will in fact be holding YOUR hand as you breath your last. That she’ll be able to live on and pass your memory and joy to her generation.
Tricia says
My gray this week would have to be this head cold that wont go away!
My colors are my husband got back from being at sea(USCG) and also we have our first snow! Yay!
Your words about the life expectancy really made me choke up. No one should have to outlive their children and I pray you don’t. Nella is so precious.
Little Taylor Lights says
Here I am at 2:17 a.m. crying after reading this beautiful blog. It’s so true. And one of the main reasons I’ve been so drawn here to kellehampton.com is because I cry so often when reading…happy and sad, and I’m not a liberated cryer…but oh how I’m getting there. Like I wasn’t affectionate before children and that’s a laughing matter now as my boys beg me to stop hugging on them some days.
My gray this week? Struggling with knowing we are dying to adopt a baby from Africa but knowing we can barely pay our own bills as it is. Knowing somehow it will happen, but allowing myself to experience anxiety and fear of the unknown…mixed with the longing to just have our baby home and in our bed and snuggled in and never again abandoned.
The color used to not dwell in the gray? The two wonders of love that I already have the opportunity to parent. The “fight” that my dad and sons had over me…precious bantering back and forth and my almost 4 year old declaring very loudly in the restaurant that I am HIS mommy and he LOVES me and he can hug me all he wants. And then my 1.5 year old son babbling in his two cents on the matter, both while tackling me and the pride and joy that swelled from my heart as onlookers noticed and smiled. Knowing that this is all preparation, and that every second we wait for our child in Uganda, is another second of preparation and knowing the timing must be exactly right for it to be OUR child…the one made for us. And preparation for my boys…for them to be big brothers.
And ya know what? The ANTICIPATION of announcing to our families and friends that we’re starting the adoption process! Just like the special ways we announced our pregnancies. The flutter in my heart that thinks of that moment and planning it. That my almost 4 little love has already offered us his whole piggy bank so we can all go “get our kid” as he puts it. His request for 16 kids. That is fueling. And the color far outsplashes the grey, but I can’t ignore the sad place in deep within my heart that mourns for the months our baby will spend in an orphanage. The months without being snuggled in with us every night…the months without his mama and daddy and two fabulous big brothers. That is sad, and that is my grey.
Now, I’m gonna go cry some more. But it feels so good to get that out. No idea if anyone will even read this, but wow, the grey AND the color has been served. On a platter…I think a colorful one. 🙂
Thank you again and again for writing and sharing your heart. You are truly an inspiration to my soul, and have greatly aided in the liberation of my expression. That is a priceless gift that I treasure more than I can express. Thank you.
Little Taylor Lights says
And oh my goodness how beautiful your girls are. From the inside out, their eyes have so much depth and exude such a brilliant light, and I love that they have a mama to capture that and share it.
Steve says
I try to remember this on my gray days:
http://fromlefttowrite.wordpress.com/2010/11/03/collision-course-tmgi-day-9/
Enjoy 🙂
Grandma Ellen says
Gray? Maybe very dark gray… My father was diagnosed this week with aggressive brain cancer that is incurable. Color? Orange. With treatment he may live a year and will have time to settle his affairs in the way he chooses. We will gather at Thanksgiving to be thankful he is here this year. And we will move forward in faith, praying for a miracle, and trusting that God is good in the midst of unbelievable emotional pain. Faith gives us a brilliance even when skies are a deep dark gray.
Seaside Siblings says
Jezz, you made me cry, please try and remember that any one of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow and life expectancy is just a number, a figure, nothing more. Kelle, you know that your Nella will never walk alone in this world because she has you, she has brothers and a sister that love her, because she was lucky enough to be born into a wonderful, loving family.
My grey this week is that sometimes, marriages are crazy hard. My colour would be pink, the colour of love- is my 2 girls who fill my world with everything pure.
The T Family says
my gray is the fact that no matter how hard my hubby and i work its still only just enough to pay those bills with very little if any extra but my color is the fact that reducing hours at work and living more simply allows so much more time cuddling, loving and playing with my littles.
Brighton says
Our oldest daughter, Sara, is graduating from high school this year. She has Down Syndrome. The “grey” for me is: NOW WHAT?? Do I quit teaching to be home with her? Does she move into a group home? Who is going to keep her safe?
It’s the grey that moves me to tears from time to time, and it hurts.
A Diary says
I am an eternal optimist, but I like to think, as a good persuasive argument paying recognition to an antithesis confirms even more the intended point, my optimistic philosophy is likewise strengthened when I give room for what can sometimes be a disheartening reality. I try to balance my self-reflection somewhere between laziness and annoying hyperstimulation, so I hope this comes out as I intend…somewhere in the comfortable waters of “I’m treading, I’m figuring this out, I’m doing what works for me.”
My gray? Wondering what the HELL the above quote means. Will I have to sort this sort of crap out if/when I read your book? Girl, I feel for your future editor.
He/she will be damn glad to get THAT dog on the shelves, won’t they?
I love the way you continue to celebrate yourself.
The Ferguson Family says
My gray is that my maternity leave is running out and I will soon have to return to work and miss out on my days with my sweet baby girl.
My colorful happiness would HAVE to be that said baby started smiling this week! I could look at those sweet pink smiling lips for days and days…
Evelyn Louise says
Today, a miscommunication in my marriage is my gray. Miscommunication has been happening far too often lately and I can seem to get communication back on the rails.
My little happy is that my Ellabean will be two tomorrow and we are throwing an “intimate” party with about 40 family members & friends. And I am building her a cake. I’ve never done this and I’m scared and excited to try. That little happy was a “not-yet-planned” trail in my life and now she’s going to be two. Wow…
Sarah says
So, I am slightly addicted to your blog – hope that’s ok? Haha!! But today, you struck a nerve. My sensitive nerve is a little different than yours, but raw all the same. I live in a different country than my parents and I made this decision whole-heartedly (to live with my husband) – but my life is this awesome example of bittersweet. This week? Some serious highs and lows. My father having a second heart attack BUT being in good spirits. My mother being alone during the time (it pains me to not be there to help) BUT cracking jokes about how the house has never been cleaner. And while I struggle with not being able to help (in person) right now, I have the most amazing and beautiful almost 1 year old who, as she smiles at me, reminds me of the cycle of life and of the bittersweet of my own. And also, my friends, my friends who surprise me and do amazing things for me – without even realizing the impact of their actions. You talk about celebrating the gray; I’m doing the same and finding that silver lining. And so with all the tears shed this week, there have been smiles so big they ache. Life, eh?
Have a great weekend.
Jen says
First, let me tell you this post brought me to tears. Both because I share your fear in the uncertainty of a child and because I’m losing a loved one. My son does not have Down’s Syndrome, but we don’t know what he has, and that is sometimes enough pain to bring me to my knees. And my granfather is dying. 600 miles away and it’s tearing me apart. My light this week? My son said “car” for the first time during therapy yesterday! That makes me beam.
I agree, a little, or a lot, of gray makes the shiny spots all the brighter.
trekmom says
My gray – is pretty much the same every day/week. My 4 y.o. daughter may or may not have health issues (too long to post here). I worry constantly about the “what ifs”. But, I know that right now she is good and I try my best to focus on the present and try not to dwell on the future. Love your blog by the way =)
Molly says
I am coming out of a month of gray into a time of color. It’s the yellow of fall sun mixed with the emerging language of my own special little. Life is good.
Amanda says
WOW I guess this week my “gray” is the fact that in a few short months we will have our 6th daughter! Everytime we are out in public all we hear are, “Think of all those weddings”, or “WOW think of all that college tuition”, or ” You should take stock in tampons”. But you know I REALLY HATE hearing all that. We know that financially it will not be easy but we are happy and we will be happy. I feel that every thing will work out just fine. As long as we have each other everything else will fall into place. Green is currently the color bringing me the most joy. A virbrant green, it is soothing, relaxing, and rejuvinating all at the same time!
jenncreel says
Kelle – I could type of a thousand years about how much I love your blog and how you and your outlook on life and your love for every moment has changed me but for right now I just have a question, where did that beautiful quilt come from? I love it! Please don’t tell me you made it cause then there’s no chance for me lol
gin says
Kelle, I’ve been thinking about this post for the last 2 days (since I read it) and just want to say “Thank you.” Thank you for talking about the gray in life and helping me see that all moms have some type of gray and that seeing, and admitting to seeing, the gray is good, but also that seeing the colors helps when we feel like we’re surrounded by only gray. There are times I don’t feel like I could ever approach your “Super Mom” status. I know it’s a title I’d given to you and it was so very reassuring to see that you know there is gray and that even a “Super Mom” has gray in their life. You are wonderful; Nella and Lainey are gorgeous and you are an amazing mother, one I strive to be more like. Blessings and thanks, Kelle.
Klemm Family says
This week I’ve been struggling with watching my little man 24/7. Although I LOVE it, sometimes it’s frustrating to see my husband still be able to do thing whenever he pleases (even little things like a shower).
BUT, I love my son more than anything and cherish our time together. The funny thing is I don’t want anyone else to watch him. I don’t want to leave his side. He’s everything to me.
jamie says
I know you won’t read this because you have a ton of comments, but you are such a strong lady for knowing the hard times in the future, but not letting them distract you from the good of the now. You are so strong!
Money is our gray right now, we just can’t win since my husband’s company folded last December. But our one year old is a world of cold. He brings so much joy to our lives!
Leah says
The gray this week was how focused I was on my mundane life. I always thought I was made for more. What my life lacks in excitement it certainly makes up in the joys of my children and husband so my gray was pretty short lived. I wouldn’t give up my family for all the excitement in the world.
Dianne says
My gray hit me pretty hard this week as I was driving my daughter to the ER. Our first trip to the ER was 2.5 years ago…she was in the ambulance, her dad and I were following in our car. She was unresponsive following a grand mal seizure and soon after, a large mass was discovered in her brain. Two surgeries later, we thought this brain cancer was down for the count…until 4 months ago. The tumor has progressed to the other side of her brain and is inoperable. After recently completing 27 radiation treatments, she’s doing “OK”. The trip to the ER 2 days ago was due to some brain swelling that was causing uncontrollable vomiting. After receiving some fluids, meds and a steroid, she’s back to herself. The future? Without a miracle from God, it’s pretty gray…actually, it’s BLACK! The amazing part is none of this is even gray to her. She’s 25 and takes every opportunity to love life and live a life of love…of herself and others. Talk about hope…you can’t be around her or read her writings without being filled with indescribable hope and a peace that surpasses ALL understanding! You can read some of her writings here http://www.tovictoryatsea.blogspot.com/
If anyone reading this happens to be one who loves storming the gates of heaven with prayer…her name is Lindsay.
Thanks and may God bless you!
Baby E & Me says
Kelle, I have been reading your blog for a few months now and I have to confess..it’s life changing. As a single Mom, I sometimes get caught up with life and forget to “enjoy the small things”…as I eagerly read every post you create, I am reminded that life is about taking the time to stop and “enjoy the small things.” Thank You for your gift to me!!!!
Elizabeth
aimee and ben says
hi Kelle- I can’t imagine you reading through these to #957 (I think!), but I just wanted to tell you how I related to your post. My 3-year-old girl is autistic, with a “typical” twin brother. The other day I suddenly realized that eventually my husband and I will be gone and all she will have is her brother. I cried imagining the two of them alone and felt a pang at the huge repsonsibility I would be leaving for my son.
Thanks for your insightful and beautiful post, as usual.
. says
My gray is missing my baby while I’m at work 🙁 My color is reading the comments above and realizing that if that’s as bad as it gets, it’s not bad at all. You’re a fantastic writer, Kelle, thank you!
Ashley Kirby says
Try as I might, I cannot think of any gray from this week. I’m sure everyday there was something that got me down, but part of the color in my life is that having a child brings so much joy that I can look past the bad. More color: my first girl’s weekend away since my son was born in January. I can’t wait! Have a great weekend!
the mom~ says
the grey…I’m thinking I”m getting a cold.
the bright blue-my son’s reading has improved so much it makes me wanna cry tears of joy!
gypsy says
Gray… secondary infertility. Not knowing if my sweet, social daughter will ever have a sibling to share the joys and trials of life with.
Colours… my purple-loving princess, a wonderful, constant husband, good, caring friends, a job I love that is thankfully good at distracting me from the “gray” when I need it most.
Rebecca Hickey Photography says
You certainly have the power to bring me to tears with your words! My gray this week has been the day to day sameness, we’re in a rut here! My color is my babies and the little laughs my five month old gives when i tickle her lips. She was mobyed to me last night while I read your post and as i was crying tears of a fellow mommy who can’t even imagine your pain, she laid her little head against my chest and cuddled in close.
Shannon says
My gray is financial woes but my vibrant is my new pregnancy. I’d love to win those adorable bibs!
cathy says
dianne,
i am praying for lindsay today.
god bless you and your family.
~cathy
Jennifer says
My gray this week is actually reading your blog…I can’t even begin to explain how truly moved I am each and every time I read your words…yet, reading these heartfelt passages and scrolling through your photographs of your beautiful little ones make me miss my own children terribly so, for unlike those more fortunate moms, I must work outside the home during the week. I know why I work and I can make peace with this…so what’s my color??? Those first moments of joy and excitement when I walk through the door in the afternoon. My children greet me with such joy that all other moments from the day melt away…and I am happy once again. : )
SouthernMama says
Gray: worrying about my husband’s job & watching him mourn the loss of his grandfather last week.
Color: my three beautiful boys & their endless imaginations.
Heather Harris says
My gray is that I’ve had a setback with my weightloss this week but the color would be that I’m stil in the game and working hard at it.
My Mom has a cousin with down syndrome who will be 57 in a few weeks. He’s a bright spot in our lives.
carlyandjay says
I can totally relate to this entry, Kelle! As a mother of a child with a life-threatening condition, I sometimes sink into the gray, and feel the sadness of outliving my child. On the other hand, like you, I LOVE color!I always try to get my ‘color’ back, after working through the grays! I hope you don’t mind- I shared this entry on my blog and Facebook. Thanks for everything you do!
http://carlyandjay.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/i-can-totally-relate-to-this-one/
Justin, Chandra, Madelyn and Catharine Martin says
My gray this week. We served as missionaries in India for the past year. We had to leave everything and everyone we had grown to love very quickly about 2 months ago. Now that we are back in America, it is so very painful to think of those faces we said good-bye too. The colors of Christmas decorations, and the smell of winter apple hand soap are making me smile as I remember how cozy and wonderful Christmas makes me feel. The holiday season doesn’t take away the pain that I feel when I think about India, but it does light up my life a bit. Your post made me cry. I love reading you—I’m a dangerous optimist too, and actually have been thinking on that a lot lately…thanks for putting my thoughts into words.
Lana says
My grey is that we had to hire a lawyer last night and face years of being financially strapped before all is said and done.
My colour (oops- Canadian spelling!) is that my 12-year-old daughter is now old enough to have looked after her sister while we went to the appointment- therefore saving us a little money in the end!
And for right now, we have each other, healthy children, a home at the end of the day and food in the fridge.
I have to believe it will all be all right.
Daphney says
My gray this week was taking Lucy to get her 4 month shots. And also I’m catching a cold so I know it means that she will catch it too…I hate making her sick. Poor Goose.
Daphney says
My gray this week was taking Lucy to get her 4 month shots. And also I’m catching a cold so I know it means that she will catch it too…I hate making her sick. Poor Goose.
Nikki James says
Kellee,
Your thoughts of holding Nella’s hand first brought me to tears. It is my most horrific fear. I love my kids more than my own life. They are my greatest joy and I think sometimes the Evil One uses my scary thoughts to try and take my joy. So I pray those scary thoughts away daily. I will pray your away as well 🙂
Ingrid says
Do you know the song “Time and Space” by The Accidental? The chorus includes the words “To your own self be true”– I’m using it as the soundtrack to the slide show I’m making for my daughter’s second birthday. You should check it out! You’ll love it. Looking back at all the photos from the last year while making the slide show is my color right now.
My gray would be that I’m about to see my brother who is mentally ill at my father’s 70’s birthday party. He has borderline personality disorder which, ironically for this post, means he can’t see the gray in life, things (and people) are either fantastic or horrible. I am currently horrible. I would much rather be gray.
Sara says
Beautifully written.
My “gray” this week is my husband losing in the election on Tues. He was running for Lt. Governor. Hard to put my finger on the emotions after all the time & emotions we spent campaigning, but almost like a death in the family.
The fact that I have my hubby back from the campaign trail has been my sunshine this week.
Kara says
My gray this week is that my precious 46 year old cousin Karen lost her battle with cancer on Tuesday. Which brings me to the point that no matter what we THINK our life expectancy MIGHT be, it’s all in God’s hands…He has already numbered our days.
My little happy that brought me color was my precious 6 year old little boy who did everything in his power to make me laugh on Tuesday because he didn’t want his Mommy to cry! I just LOVE that little boy!!! 🙂
Lexi says
My grey… hmmm, have 8 hours worth of homework a day. My color… getting to enjoy being with my 14 month old sister, just figuring out that Sarah Palins Alaska is going to air in about a week and a half! (so friggin excited!!!) and my moms friend had her BEAUTIFUL baby boy Dawson on Monday. & being surrounded by my friends that i never have a dull moment with, and always make me laugh!
suburban housefrau says
I’m trying to live in November but the reality of 2010 ending soon is screwing with my brain!
Heitkampfam says
I thought I had some “gray” until I read some of the comments here in your comments section and my gray quickly faded to a dusky white. Oh sure, I’ll admit to some cloudy yuk days and feelings of “I think I can,” but after I read your words I feel inspired. I look to what I have and see the light in the eyes of my munchkins and decide “to thine own self be true!” Thanks, Kelle. U Rock, sista!
EMILY says
My gray, is being faced with my dad and his fight with Cancer. It sucks. But as always a color, my dad is spending important time with his grandson. Its important.
CoyGirl says
My gray is the truth that I have to have a second hip surgery in a few weeks, and I’m only 26! My rainbow of beautiful colors came last week in my new, beautiful nephew, Owen. If I didn’t have these Grannie hip problems (and therefore on medical leave from work), I would be struggling to grasp a few days off to meet the newest leaf on our tree. Everything happens for a reason indeed.
CoyGirl says
My gray is the truth that I have to have a second hip surgery in a few weeks, and I’m only 26! My rainbow of beautiful colors came last week in my new, beautiful nephew, Owen. If I didn’t have these Grannie hip problems (and therefore on medical leave from work), I would be struggling to grasp a few days off to meet the newest leaf on our tree. Everything happens for a reason indeed.
Susan says
thank you. you are an inspiration. your entries strike a chord and this one even more so.
i have always been afraid of loss. so afraid that for the first few decades of my life, i tried not to love too much for fear of how devastated i would be if i were to lose someone.
with the birth of my first niece, the walls broke down and i became absolutely smitten. i fall in love again every moment i spend with my nieces and nephews.
my gray: i lost my 7-yr old nephew last year to h1n1 and i lost my own a few months later during my second trimester.
my color: i am blessed to have the most amazing husband, family, friends, nieces, and nephews. life and every day is a gift.
it is fruitless to be afraid of tomorrow. carpe diem.
Aubrey says
i am not commenting to try to win the bibs. I love to sew and make lots of cute bibs for my sons already. i just wanted to say that I’m a physician and a few years ago, I cared for a patient with down’s syndrome. He was 62. He was quite ill with an infection, but we treated it aggressively with antibiotics and sent him home. And he was fine. I know that 62 is not 80 or 100, but it is better than 50. I hope that is an encouragement to you.
Amy says
My gray was finding out that my daughter (who was previously diagnosed with one type of seizure disorder) now has a second type.
The beautiful colors of this week will be coming this weekend when we get our first snap of cold weather in central FL. I can’t wait to dig out the sweaters, make chili and enjoy a glorious FALL weekend outside with my two girls.
Abs says
My gray is a very dear friend who just suffered her second miscarriage in only a few months. My color is the lovely note from my husband found in my lunch once I got to work:)
helene says
The bibs are darling. And so is your family.
Sarah says
My gray this week has been Afghanistan (hereafter referred to as “the stan” to keep from heart palpitations). My husband is deployed, and while I generally avoid the subject or try to not think about what is going on over there… this week hasn’t been so lucky. This week it has been painfully obvious that my husband is in a war. The man who walks my dog and holds me while I cry is keeping other people safe, and finding rogue explosive devices.
And that makes me more than just “temporarily alone.” It makes me proud to have such a strong husband. And scared into seeing gray everywhere I look some weeks.
Brandy says
My gray is missing my grandmother this week. My rainbow of colors is the new friend from India that I just met. We are so different, yet so alike in many ways!
Sweet Melissa says
My grey is that we are so far away from our family & friends back home (currently live in Brazil) and because my husband has to work so much, I feel like a single mom to our 14 month old angel. Color is that I get to be a SAHM and that this opportunity never would have happened if we were still in the States.
I adore you and your family. You truly inspire me to be a better mom and take more pictures, no matter how crappy they turn out! 😉 Big hugs to you and can’t wait to see your finished bathroom!
XOXO
christinalfrutiger says
Reading each and every one of these, heartfelt and sometimes, heartwrenching grays in this post have been my gray today. Kelle, for some, this may be the only safe place to get out those feelings of sorrow and joy. Thank-you for this.
My color today was seeing again how Nella holds her little, baby feet when she is sitting up. It is just too adorable for words! 🙂
Brein says
As always I love your posts! My gray this week is morning sickness… I can’t seem to rise above, but I’m trying to keep in mind the amazing color that will result from this yucky time. 🙂
Nichole says
I love any color that matches a changing fall leaf – especially the deep reds and oranges!
Melissa says
Super cute bibs! I’ve been looking for more since Jesenia is so super drooly. No teeth yet (at 9 months) and her doctor said all the drool is from her learning how to use her tongue! 🙂
On to your questions. My gray would be my finances. Hopefully one day I’ll get caught up and not be behind and can get rid of all the credit cards! My color would be my kids. They light up everyday even when they are naughty!
Genia & Shaylon says
My gray recently has been my health and some subsequent issues after having my darling little girl in May. However my children are my my color and looking into their sparkling eyes I just want to grab on to them and hold them forever. They truly are gifts, my gifts.
Scribble Scrabble says
My Gray this week is thinking how the holidays are right around the corner and the budget seems to be shrinking….but then my color comes in and reminds me that handmade gifts are priceless.
PS- My living room is a wonderful Benjamin Moore color called Silver Marlin. An amazing color(s) that changes throughout the day from a soft gray in the morning, to a slate blue mid afternoon, to a light sea foam green at night. Many visitors to this house have gone home to paint a room in their own house the same colore
Lisa says
Oh man, here I sit crying at work. Youre sweet Nella will not be alone. As a momma of a special needs kiddo I too have lots of moments of worrying and I get so much from reading your blog…..so thank you. And thank you for sharing the bummer part of things too. I rarely miss an entry but I also rarely comment. I couldn’t stay away from this one. You are providing so much for your beautiful little girls that they are getting nothing but the best and that motivates me.
My gray……my little one has some major teething issues goin!
My color……I see those little white dots indicating soon my love bug will come back to me:)
Jones Family says
I have also had some “gray” moments this week. My dad’s cancer is spreading and he is losing a lot of weight. This scares me and makes me feel cheated. Cheated because his Dad just passed at the ripe age of 89 – that means I am owed 33 more years with him as he is a young 56. And I cannot believe that I am finally writing, and digesting that I may not have them. Wow, deep breath – I wrote that, and felt it.
So instead I will focus on blue, and light pink. Blue of the eyes of my 5 1/2 month old Little man who has learned to crawl today on his light pink chubby knees. You taught me a lesson little, Noah, when you need to move on and can’t walk, get crawling. And Mama is crawling…
Callie says
Nella’s eyes look violet in these pictures-so pretty!!
Tanya Neal says
My “gray” this week is realizing that it is much harder working a full-time job and being supermom and superwife than I thought it would be…will anyone else ever clean the bathroom floor?
You must post pictures of your bathroom when you are done. I too want to redo my bathroom…
sunnycbb says
My gray this week is my dad struggling with chronic heart failure. My color is currently in Dallas Clayton’s new kids book “Awesome Book of Thanks”. There is still sooo much to be thankful for. Here’s to another day!
Laura says
I can’t quite share what is causing my gray right now – but a small part of it is an identical twin to your gray about your sweet Nella. My heart hurts when I look at her sweet face, she reminds me so strongly of my lovey monkey bean Amos. Ah, Amos. L.o.v.e.
My bright yellow oranges and golden hues? When that little monkey bean smiles at me with his whole self. When my other 3 children giggle and make me laugh. Finishing moving in and getting settled and giving myself a ‘grown-up’ pretty bedroom after our move 1000km away 5 weeks ago.
Ah, you’re so right – when the gray mixes with the moments lit by that warm yellow light, the small things are so much BIGGER.
Thank you for shining more of your warm light to us who may need some help out here.
L.o.v.e.
monocot says
My healthy brother died at the age of 5 from a swimming accident so percentages don’t mean much to me. Don’t be so quick to write the story of Nella’s life, she may surprise you. Greys this week are missing my family back in Florida as Aidan continues to grow and starts to learn how to talk. I hate that they are missing all of this. Colors are waking up in the morning bathing in the happy warmth from him snuggling up to me.
Holli (and Mark) says
as always your posts move me. Your Gray hits a chord with me as well. My son has several medical issues and even though he’s still barely more than a baby, I worry about the future more than I know I should. Which I think is why I often turn to your posts, you remind me to be in the here.
my gray this week was today handing my baby off to a four hour surgery, my happy was ofcourse having him do even better than the surgeon thought he would and snuggling with him in my arms for several hours before finally getting to bring him home. bliss!!!!! thank you for your blog Kellie. your blog fuels me and reminds me to appreciate the “small” things—and the NOT so small!
http://www.ourdoubleblessings.blogspot.com
thomas family says
my “gray” this week has been my little girl being ill and my own sleep deprivation. i have found some happiness and color in my baby boy learning new things, being surrounded by fall and wearing sweaters. i regularly get teary when reading your posts {love your writing} your girls are adorable.
christin says
I love your blog! I just wanted you to know that my aunt has very severe down syndrome and she is nearly fifty living in a group home with a job and she is doing very well. My grandparents were told that she would not live to see adulthood, but she is still doing well.
My gray this week was my son being in the hospital for an abscess in his neck near his skull and carotid artery. They thought he would have to have surgery, but they didn’t want to have to do it with its location.
My color has been the prayers and support from family, friends, and church. The prayers worked and he responded well to the antibiotics and is home now.
mwccm4 says
My gray ~ I’m a high school special education teacher…and a student who I thought was making progress had a bad week.
My pink ~ Sitting there tonight and having my 4 year old come over, put her head on my shoulder, and tell me she missed me today!! and my one year old (can’t believe I’m calling him a one year old! wanted me and yelled “MMMMMMOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM”!!! Best thing in life are truly your children!
Claire says
Every mother shares the fear that we just may outlive our children – you are not alone.
My gray would probably have to be the anxiety surrounding a big family change, but my color is the mischievious smile of my 20 month old – like always. This week I am quite amused by the random new words she’s spitting out – like “garlic”. Life is good.
Nicole says
First, a disclaimer – I know a pet doesn’t compare to a child. I know. I have both. But, I know people who, after losing a pet, say they’ll never have one again because, well, if you’re lucky, you’ve got ’em for a decade, which means you’ll, in all likelihood, suffer loss. This, to me, is tragic. Why live life alone, yearning for the companionship of an animal, because you’re scared you’ll be sad one day. Just keep adding up that joy, and, although the sadness may come, the joy will be there to protect you from it. Thanks for sharing the gray.
fruitkate says
My gray is is just feeling like a mom on the brink…because this was one of those weeks when you feel like no matter how awesomely, superhero-ish you are, you can’t do it all. And sometimes, well that’s just hard to deal with.
My color…tonight it is the smell of the quilt at my parents house because even though I now have a home of my own, that smell is still home to me.
Jody of Because I'm Me says
Gray … legal battle that seems like it’ll never end, even though no one can afford it and the stress it causes me affects my children.
Color … my kids, they crack me up, constantly. 🙂
Jennifer says
Life is precious no matter what.
At my gym, the dad take her daughter for walking. (who has DS) beautiful girl)
Today at Costco.. I see babies in cart. I saw one beautiful boy probably your girl’s age too. who has DS too.
They will always be the special to us too! No matter what.
hugs!
Betsy@Living in the Moment says
My gray is being a working Mom spending precious time away from my 2 babies.
My color comes in the quality time we spend together at night. Like tonight when they were piling up on me and their giggles went on forever. I cherish every single second that I get to be with them.
PenGirly says
My “gray” this week was some really ignorant woman I work with, who really got under my skin. A person whom I’ve only known for about two months and who let me really be pissed off, when I most definitely didn’t need to be. But…my “color” was most definitely coming home every night to a wonderful man who celebrated his birthday last night. And our pup who truly melts my heart as soon as I walk through the door.
Thank you Kelle…for this!!!
AJ and Dexter's Mom says
Grey
-My husband is at VGH. He just had his stem cell transplant for his returning Leukemia. Although his mom is staying close to him (the hospital is almost 2 hours away), I might not get to visit him with the boys this week because I may be getting a cold. I’m bummed that I cannot hug him this week and kiss him.
Colour
-Well, of course, reading your blog.
-My two little boys and my husband who are a daily reminder of why you need to make each day special.
-Pillows. I’ve been sewing pillows and pillow covers for my bedroom and living room this week. It’s been keeping my mind happy.
Ashley Madsen says
My grey right now is crappy infertility. It plain ol’ sucks. Especially with every sister-in-law pregnant and on our girls night everyone was giddy over their little ones. But I have to keep my chin up.
And this post made me realize that a goal of mine is to have a stack of homemade colorful quilts next to our couch for family snuggles and movie nights. When we do have children roaming our halls and rooms we will have quilts galore for winter warmth. Better get started now!
momto6kids says
My 18 month old son has Ds. He is a JOY and is loved unconditionally.
My gray: finding out babies with Ds in many countries are abandoned, neglected and left alone to languish in orphanages
My color: Reece’s Rainbow! A Christian ministry striving to find families for these children before they perish in the orphanages.
It’s reecesrainbow.org in case you want to see this incredible organization. We are adopting two baby boys with Ds through them. Feel free to follow along on our journey to rescue these two beautiful boys if you get a chance.
the-scenic-route-momto6kids.blogspot.com
LOVE your blog, Kelle!
BLT Edmundson says
After reading hundreds of the comments here, my Gray amounts to nothing so I won’t even bore you with it. My Colour is that we celebrated our White Labs 8th birthday yesterday…The vet told us 18 months ago that she had lung cancer – she is showing no signs of distress. That alone makes me want to dance. I look forward to spending the weekend with my family and friends. My Mom always told us that….No matter what life throws at us, we have to think positive and remember that someone out there has it far worse. I am happy today.
Meg Baxter says
My grey (yep, that’s Canadian for “gray”) is the anxiousness of waiting for hubby to arrive home in 5 days from a 10-week course on the other side of the country (we’re a military family). I can’t wait to be together as a family again, but reintegration (as the Army calls it) always comes with difficulties and tension. So I don’t look forward to those moments, especially with my pregnancy hormones getting in the way. :oS I’m praying for self-control and kindness.
My “colour” is anticipating watching him with our 14-month-old daughter, and learning all the new things SHE has learned since he’s been away: walking (!), new words, how to pet the dog without smacking her in the face, brushing her teeth, and all the little quirks a kid that age has. Watching them together is life’s truest joy for me, because they are SO alike.
Thank you for being so honest here, Kelle. I hope it’s therapeutic for you, and that, as time goes on, you can look back on your entries and see not only how you’ve grown, but how you’ve been loved and cared for in life.
BLOOM - Parenting Kids With Disabilities says
My gray is a very troubled adopted daughter and fears for my disabled son’s future: wanting him to lead a rich life.
My colour is seeing our ability to adapt and change and grow and stretch as people, in ways we didn’t believe possible. My colour is the kindness I see people extend around us, when they know we’re struggling. My colour is my kids and family and thoughts of my Dad, who died a year ago, every time I see something wondrous in nature. He approached life with a sense of wonder and gratitude, and whenever I see beauty I feel that it is him sending me a reminder. My colour is walking by the lake and feeling the sun on my skin and taking photos of the water rippling over the rocks.
My colour is knowing that people like your father exist, people who know that we are all connected in our humanity and who reach out to grace and bless others and walk beside them in their journey, no matter how challenging.
Thanks Kelle.
Amy says
Kelle I’ve missed your blog. My bits of gray have kept me from getting online lately. I needed this entry. Thank you. My gray is that on Sunday I turned 30 and having Type 1 diabetes, as much as I don’t let that disease stop me from doing a single stinkin thing, I’ve been wondering if I have more days behind me than in front of me. I was freaked about my birthday….and instead of celebrating it with my husband and family, I cried through it…my husband was sick and had been in the ER the previous day, a baby cousin was in the PICU on a donor list, and I felt such gloom as I kicked off my 30’s. That was the gray. But the color was so much better…the baby got her new organ on the 1st try (!!), my husband felt good enough to start the new job we’d been praying about for 18 months, and I’m going to kick butt in my 30’s. And get this, my mom has the same type of diabetes that I have. Her parents were told she wouldn’t live to see her own grandchildren…well, last weekend when my husband was sick, guess whose house they got to spend that time at? Yep, my mom’s. :o) I just needed some color right now…thanks for the what you wrote! ~Amy~
momlovesnoel says
I have lived with this fear everyday of my life, for the last 13 years.
~KC: says
Goosebumps! A moving post! I cried reading it! I feel your dad did the right thing by telling you about her, you needed to know. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. I know in my heart that my J and your Nella will always have someone that will love and protect them.
I’m an eternal optimistic too and consciously choose to focus on the good. I’m also a lover of reality and truth. I know life can be interesting and challenging. And, whenever I have to, I visit the dark places, go deep, take as long as I need to figure things out and move forward.
I have learned to be with my pain…to listen to it…to make friends with it…pain can be a great companion…a wise messenger…a reminder…to be and to stay humble…the greatest gift pain has given me is the ability to sit with other people’s pain…to emotionally put myself in their place…connecting with their pain…when I feel their pain as my own…I realize that their pain…it is no longer their pain…it is our pain…one pain…by touching our pains…we help each other…and healing happens…we no longer feel so alone…we understand that we are all traveling on our own soul’s journeys together…
We are resilient. Our experiences make us stronger. We are capable of handling anything that comes our way. We honor the life we are given by loving and enjoying it, being grateful for our blessings and doing our best one day at a time. When we have faith that everything happens as it meant to be, that It will all work out for our best, and trust with all our being that our tomorrow will be taken care of, it is easier to keep going. All is well.
Rik, you are an amazing man, love your beautiful soul. Your kindness made a difference in the last days of that woman’s life. She was seen and loved. You held her in a sacred space. And, because of you, now many people know that she existed, that she was here.
Sending you lots of love~
“When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.” ~Martin Buber
Chicory Blue says
Gray seems to be the overwhelming color of my world lately.
My husband is out of work
I can’t have a child without IVF
We don’t have the money for IVF or adoption
I’m really too old for IVF anyway
My grandparents memorial was today..
My husband has medical issues…the list goes on.
My colors: I have friends IRL and via the internet…and blogs like this..to remind me to look for the colors. They are out there.
Jo's Corner says
My grey is that my docs told me that “The length of my Bucket-List will not be long”. That I need to “enjoy the Holidays”. That I am Terminal.
My color? PINK! The PINK cowboy boots that I WILL get before I leave this earth! The PINK cowboy boots that I will wear as I dance into Heaven!
LemonyRenee' says
This is one of the most beautiful blog posts I have read . . . maybe ever. This is such a struggle for me right now. When I began my blog a little over a year ago, it was to try to build a discipline in focusing on the “colors”, to use your concept. Then the gray seemed to wash all over my life, almost every inch of it, and I struggle with how to keep a blog that is predominately gray something readable, enjoyable, valuable. I mean, people will say they want you to be “real” on your blog, but I’m not sure they really do. And, frankly, I don’t really want to write all this stuff right now . . . and yet, nothing else seems important these days.
I have no choice, right now, but to acknowledge the gray, work on folding it with care, giving it all the time it needs, and look forward to the colors again.
Wandering around pretty-blogland, it feels mighty lonely sometimes when you are in gray. I thank you for this gentle nod to the gray in your life . . .
Elizabeth says
Not sure you will read this but…
Just wanted you to know that some people are working their a**es off to make some of that ‘grey’ a few shades lighter. I am a trustee for the DSRF UK and we relentlessly bug the top scientists to do research for DS.
Love your pics- thanks!
Liz Elliott
Chair DSRF UK
http://www.dsrf-uk.org/
and more importantly, David’s sister.
aidannme says
My sun: Playing softball with my son, dog, and my love this morning. I jumped off the swing and had a blast…
My gray: The incredible temper tantrum when we left…..
But all is fine now. And In the scheme of things, all is still well.
Ginger says
My greys today were pretty minimal: three loads of laundry not yet folded, Halloween decorations not yet put away, a package of stewing beef that the cat got to, a party tent outside that collapsed under the weight of snow and a scratch in my favourite Christmas cd. My colours: the two little teeth sprouting from the gummy smile of my 6-month-old and the tiny, fuzzy hairs sprouting on the head of my almost-finished-chemo 3-year-old! Love you, girls. Always will, even on the greyest of days.
Kaycee says
My gray this week has been wanting to try for and have a second child so bad that my heart hurts. Feeling so sad that it’s not possible right now for reasons I cannot help. Wondering and worrying if my daughter and her future sibling will be so far apart in years they can’t have the kind of close friendship relationship I so want for them (she’s already 2.5 years old and we are talking years before a sibling might be possible).
My color is that I am SO blessed to have my daughter. And that physically the possibility of a second child is so possible for us, we just need the rest of our world to line up first.
Tammy says
My gray is realizing my children’s grandparents (my in-laws) are as distant both physically and emotionally as humanly possible. The color came this weekend when I finally let the anger it brings go. I made the weekend all about the littles and am enjoying every moment of it;a night of pottery painting, attending a junior high musical, snuggling under the blankets having a movie night and reading heaps and heaps of books together. And to think we still have Sunday….
Thanks for giving me an outlet to share. As these thoughts are usually bottled up inside with no where to breathe as my blog is often stalked by the laws.
Patti Adams says
Hi Kelle – Beautiful post…once again! 🙂
My gray these days is the fact that my husband has now been out of work for nearly 17 months. Also, my 2 year old may have CP, we have to wait 4 weeks to meet with the doctor to talk about the results of the MRI.
My color comes in every day I walk in the door after work and my two boys greet me at the door so excited to see me. Nothing feels better than that!!
MNMama says
You get a huge part of your beautiful soul, your outlook on life, and your never-ending inspiration from your daddy. I can see that in your photos and your posts, and this post is my “case in point.” I am so glad to hear the he took a little extra time and gave some extra TLC to this beautiful stranger.
My gray this week….the unknowing of the company I work for being taken over by new (and unknown) ownership on Monday. I am scared I may lose my job, or scared I may keep my job and have complete new management, structure, etc.
But that is a pretty light gray in my life. I have had my share of medical history – myself, my husband, and my daughter who was born with a cleft lip.
My motto…”another bump in the road of life…” because what other choice do we have???
I hope your “gray” has turned into something bright & fun…a sunshiny yellow, a brilliant red, a deep green. You are a beautiful mama, with two beautiful girls, and I know in my heart that Nella…no matter what age….will NEVER be alone. XOXO to your beautiful blogging mama.
It’s such a strange thing to feel like I know you so well just from reading you…but I love it and am so thankful. It’s one of my “yellows” of my day – so thank you!!
Katie says
My gray- holding down my sweet baby boy (now 2) for his annual blood draw to check the lovely things that Ds bring…celiac, thyroid and other fun things.
My color- same boy didn’t even flinch for the annual shots.
I am a proud Mom of Superboy!
Tanya says
My gray is that my husband is gone again for training (Army), he left this morning and I’m missing him terribly.
My color- I do this all the time and I love the sense of empowerment I get out of it, plus my babies are amazing and we have big plans to go back to the States (stationed in Germany) for Christmas this year!!! So much color!
Dawn says
My grey is that my Grandfather died this week.
My colour is knowing that he had 88 years and had children, grandchildren and great grandchildren that loved him dearly.
Jacki says
I’m so late reading blog posts this week. You posted this on the day that my “grey” really began to sink in. On Sunday night I picked a fight with someone I love, said horrible things, and may have pushed him away for good. Wednesday was the last time we communicated. I apologized and he replied he doesn’t know what to say to me anymore; I haven’t heard anything since. It may be childish and small compared to some of the bigger hurts in the world, but it feels like my chest is being crushed. Knowing that someone I care for so much is thinking badly of me, that we may never speak again, that he may never accept my apology.
The color, for the moment, is reading blogs like yours, putting it all in perspective. So many of us are hurting but there is something lovely about this online community of “strangers” who support one another.
Kimberlee says
Gray…I hear ya. You spoke it beautifully.
Charlotta Ward says
Is there any room for one more comment on your amazing post that touched me so deeply?
I am new here, but you had me at the heading.. You have a way with words that penetrate deeply and I felt every word you shared.
I had to swallow hard many times, and let me tell you, that isn’t as easy as it sounds whilst fighting through Tonsillitis.. 🙂 But the reality is that I can relate to your worries about the future. My daughter doesn’t have Downs Syndrome, but she suffers chronic asthma. An invisible and dangerous illness that strikes hard and fast with no forewarning.
It’s tough to let go and just ‘trust’ but like you I stash my imaginary luggage full of worries, panic attacks, angst and general random concerns. Then I carry it to the shed and leave it there..
Your children are beautiful and I am so happy I discovered your blog. Perhaps my voice will be lost in the abundance of comments you receive. But read just this one and feel the loving support from one mother to another. All the way from Sydney to where you are.
Hang on in there and good luck with the bathroom! 🙂
x Charlotta
MaggieMae says
Your Dad’s experience would/should turn every world grey for at least a moment. My heart wants to say her life should have been a celebration even at the moment of her death… but where were her family and friends? That leads me to my grey…
which, like yours, is not knowing, with a shade of despair, what the future looks like for my 5-year-old twin boys with Down syndrome. And not knowing how greatly I can influence the colors other people paint onto the canvas of their lives.
My colors are these extraordinary souls I’ve been gifted! And BELIEVING, with all the vibrant hues of hope in my heart, that the future is bright for my 5-year-old twin boys with Down syndrome Because I know with them and for them, I CAN change the world for the better every day with love and advocacy!
Birdee says
My gray is something that lives like a tumor in my heart, silent, but there and I feel it. It makes me sad if/when I let it. It motivates me and gives me color, but it can crush me too.
I dont have a baby with Downs, but I do have a baby, and I have a Teen. And for some reason, at almost 40, I know i’ll get old with my teen. But my baby, It kills me to know how many years I’ll miss out on assuming he outlives me (pleas god, let my kids outlive me). If I die at 80, he’ll be my age. And I’m still so young, just having more babies, getting married, finally finding my passion in life (photography). I dont want to miss a thing… but I will, and it will be a lot. Too much for my comfort. So I just embrase every moment I do get with my kids, thanks to you and your inspiration, I’ve learned to capture those moments.
Oh, the contest is probably over, but if not, I dont need a bib. Just wanted to share.
Christi says
Hi Kelle…I just read this story and thought of you…a little color for your Monday afternoon…
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/10312/1101186-114.stm
Wife to Be says
I just love this. Love it.
I was a birght shade of EVERYTHING last Saturday (10-30) We got married and it was the best day of my life. Everything went perfect… until we went to go and leave for the honeymoon… That is when the gray got us both. Honeymoon was cancelled due to Hurrican Tomas, the island (St. Lucia) was hit bad. Just when I thought the gray was turing to black… my cousins called and saved the day. A little gift of their beach house for a week in Seaside, FL. Get this- FOR FREE… We left immediatly… and all week in FL was a very very bright rainbow of colours. I know why you are in love with FL… it is beautiful. Plus I love that sometimes you can get your cold weather fix, yet still have your toes in the sand.
Thank you for your beautiful words.
Becky says
Kelle,
BEAUTIFUL post, and bathroom transformation. I love the coulors you picked! I can’t wait to be a great mom like you!
Becky
DE
Schwieso's says
Kelle –
I have been reading your blog since the birth of Nella. I am a daily reader (or try to be) but I am catching up today after a difficult week away from my “regular” life. My Dad passed away suddenly in an accident last Tuesday. Today I wanted to return to some of my regular daily things and reading your blog was one of those things. I read your beautiful words and in them I find hope. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and fears. I love your positive outlook on life and try to copy it as much as I can. My Dad would have loved your positive outlook – he never had a negative thing to say – he just moved on and made the best of situations. So thank you – for always sharing what is on your mind. Thank you!
Ann
michelle says
I just had a little boy with DS on June 30th of this year. He is about 4 months old now. I just read this post – I jump on your blog once in a while when time allows. Funny… on my own blog I just wrote about my visit to Flower Factory this week. I quoted below for you to see my thoughts. When I got on here and read your recent post, it was comforting to know that there was another soul thinking a similar thought. Thanks for sharing… “However, the other day I was in the Flower Factory shopping by myself and saw a middle-aged lady pulling a cart and an older lady (60-ish?) pushing it. I’m almost certain the oldest woman had Downs, but I could be wrong. At any rate, it got my mind thinking about the future and the very good possibility that Myles could be in our home for as long as we are here on this earth. That certainly changes the way we think and talk about the ‘future’ of retirement or having kids out of the house, etc… 🙂 I also got to thinking about how thankful I am that Myles has two big brothers. It brought tears to my eyes to think of them being older and maybe married and possibly having to care for Myles. That ‘thought’ doesn’t really go anywhere beyond just a ‘thought’… b/c I have no idea what lies down the road. Just seeing that lady got my mind thinking and it was the first time in a long time that I cried. My heart is getting bigger for all of these boys… and I’m overwhelmed with gratefulness for what the Lord has given us now!!”
Elizabeth says
My gray is living with the fact that the man I have loved for years will not love me back and will never be mine.
My happy is seeing the smile and innocence in my 3 year-old niece’s eyes in the simplest moments.
Tahnie says
My gray is that I worry about my health; that I won’t be around to watch my daughter grow up.
My color? My color is that she’s a miracle girl, as about only 5 other women in the world with my disease have had successful pregnancies and survived. My color is that I have been able to spend 9 incredible months with her.
Mindy says
I said a hearty “AMEN” when you wrote, “It makes the small things even better.” So true.
P-nut says
I’m back. oh how i’ve missed you! So I remember the day I learned the world is not black and white. How bittersweet to live in the grey sometimes… It is good for the soul. And it does make the colours of the rainbow so much brighter.
I know you already know this, but it’s natural to feel these things and it’s all part of your process. Nellabean is more than just your little bean. God has big plans for this rockstar.
xoxo