One of the great things about having a larger social media community is that people send you things they think you’ll like. It’s like having your own little army of personal shoppers, and there are numerous items in our home that were found simply because a sweet reader took the time to send me a link with “These rainbow tennis shoes have your name all over them!”
Because we have a child with Down syndrome, people also send articles and stories and news clips that pertain to special needs, and I love it. I feel informed and continually inspired by the constant stream of new stories people send my way about the great things people with Down syndrome are accomplishing, the breakthroughs in research that are being made to improve their lives and the new products, opportunities and advocacy that is happening within the special needs world. I’ve learned so much thanks to the links people send me, and if a story or product doesn’t resonate with me, it’s not a big deal–we move along.
Shortly after Nella was born, I wrote about the rite of passage all special needs families go through after delivering their babies–being e-mailed the Road to Holland poem 923,402 times by well meaning friends who don’t know how else to help (if you sent it to me, good for you–it’s a beautiful poem). I wrote how I felt about the poem which, at the time considering I was Stage 1 in acceptance, was “Don’t tell me I’m stuck in Holland–I’ll find a way to get to $#@*ing Italy with my daughter on my back, thank you very much.” I’ve softened since and, while I still firmly believe that having a child with special needs metaphorically makes you a dual citizen of both Holland and Italy and that you are not limited to just one, I recognize the intent of the poem and so appreciate the number of resources out there for families dealing with special needs in different ways. I’ve never been one to buy a chromosome slogan t-shirt, but we all take our corner in the advocacy ring, and we need all the bases covered. If wearing a t-shirt about Down syndrome is fitting for you, get on that base! I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve realized that just because I’m not into something doesn’t mean I have to be against it, and that we can change our minds about things whenever we want to. Which brings me to dolls with Down syndrome.
The first time someone sent me a link to a doll with Down syndrome, I clicked on it and frankly felt angry. It didn’t highlight the sweet facial characteristics we loved about Nella; it exaggerated them, making the doll an easy target for jokes. It was sold with the persuasion that your child with Down syndrome deserved a doll that looked just like her, but I thought all the sweet baby dolls in Nella’s room–the same ones Lainey played with–did look just like her. I found the suggestion that she needed a special doll, different from the ones her friends were playing with, offensive and exclusive; and I made a firm stance within that we do not believe in dolls with Down syndrome. I even turned down a generous sponsor opportunity with a large doll company releasing a doll with Down syndrome for Down Syndrome Awareness month, explaining to my media agent that the product was not a good fit for our family. When she e-mailed me back personally, commending me for turning the opportunity down if it didn’t feel right, she shared that she had a friend with a child with Down syndrome and would love to know more why it didn’t fit. I explained to her that the foundation of our special needs beliefs and advocacy was “more alike than different” and that marketing a different doll for kids with Down syndrome felt isolating and contrary to that.
Perhaps it’s the fact that we’re now almost nine years into this, and I don’t bristle as much at things (except, of course, things that we are required to bristle at–intolerance, injustice). Perhaps it’s the fact that we’ve had some years for doll manufacturers to perfect their art, thank the Lord. Or maybe it’s that as Nella grows, there are more obvious differences than there were when she was a chunky little cherub on my hip. As she recognizes those differences herself, I want to make sure we are celebrating them in a way that makes her so very proud to be exactly who she is. We can choose BOTH forms of advocacy: Down syndrome is just one little thing that makes Nella unique so we celebrate all the other ways she is like her peers AND Down syndrome is just one little thing that makes Nella unique so we celebrate the hell out of this amazing thing that makes her so very special.
So when an online friend, two weeks before Christmas, sent me a message that said “Did you see these?” with a link to a children’s shop in Australia, I clicked on it to find a video with the caption, “Look at these beautiful dolls with Down syndrome–we’re adding them to our shop tomorrow!”…and I fell in love.
I fell in love with the dolls that subtly capture in the most beautiful way those special little features we love. And I fell in love with the shop and the way they curated their products and the thoughtful way the dolls were being sold–wedged in between all the other beautiful dolls that had dark hair and blond hair and brown skin and white skin and Asian eyes and almond eyes–all photographed and categorized in this beautiful collection of dolls that celebrated all kinds of differences, no big deal. For the first time, I wanted a doll with Down syndrome for Nella, and I wanted it bad–so bad, I woke up early to make sure I could put one in my cart before they were sold out. I wanted to give it to her and tell her it was a special doll–a doll that had Down syndrome just like her so she could add it to her collection of all the other dolls that are just like her but know that this one shared something extra.
On Christmas morning, Nella was presented her doll as our family surrounded her, all beaming and telling her that the doll had Down syndrome–“just like you, Nella! Just like you! Isn’t she beautiful?” You should have seen her smile. She immediately took the doll, gently placed it over her shoulder and patted her back.
She carried that doll around all day, telling Lainey multiple times, “She has Down syndrome, Lainey. Just like me.” It was one small thing we could do to help her feel what we hope she is surrounded with her entire life–the message that people with Down syndrome are beautiful, capable and loved. And I knew she felt it holding that doll.
If you haven’t seen this video of the little girl with a prosthetic leg who finally received a doll made to look just like her, watch it. It’s a perfect example of what a powerful message of acceptance a doll can bring.
The doll company that makes our doll is Belonil, a company in Spain, but we purchased it from The Small Folk, the only company I could find that would ship the doll internationally.
I feel strongly about a lot of things both when it comes to raising a child with special needs and raising a child in general. But I’m learning to add the phrase “right now” to those feelings–“I feel strongly about this right now.” It helps me abstain from judging other opinions, allows me to recognize my strong feelings might be associated with current circumstances and/or pain and keeps the door open for change.
Oh, and the doll’s name? We all anticipated what Nella would name her being that she’s known for her creative Barbie names. I mean, we’ve got Pee Box, Paquel, Poop and Grocery Store sitting in the Barbie car right now.
But be still our hearts when we asked her what she wanted to name her doll and with no hesitation, she proudly answered “Nella.”
Lee An. shermAn says
What a special gift for Nella. Does she enjoy changing the dolls clothes? I would love to make some for her.
Monique says
This is so heartwarming…In a Christmas that seemed to me so filled with buy this buy that swipe up swipe left..this is heartwarming❤️A meaningful gift that clearly she loves to bits.You are such a great mom and I love that your Christmas was not all about Buy This.
Reenie says
So sweet…. and adorable.
Karen says
Precious! I checked out the store you ordered from. I want.all.the.dolls!!!
Ronja says
… I just cried…
and I NEVER do that. Beautiful ending!
Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) says
This post brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful. Both Nellas are absolutely gorgeous <3
Kare says
Love love love! I’m so happy for Nella, what a beautiful and loving gift. You are an amazing mom Kelle! ?
Another Mom says
This is an incredible paragraph. That we should all be so fortunate to have this understanding of ourselves and others. Thanks for this share. “I feel strongly about a lot of things both when it comes to raising a child with special needs and raising a child in general. But I’m learning to add the phrase “right now” to those feelings–“I feel strongly about this right now.” It helps me abstain from judging other opinions, allows me to recognize my strong feelings might be associated with current circumstances and/or pain and keeps the door open for change.”
Ann says
Amen – agree completely!
Molly says
This is so, so sweet! I love that she named her new doll “Nella”! Love you all!
xoxo
Paula Jackson says
Oh my…… thank you. ❤
Sara Cook says
This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
Eva Duarte says
Love it! Kisses from Portugal
Deb D. says
That last sentence!…the tears started to flow! What a beautiful family, and your words are always a joy to read and an inspiration!
stacie says
My heart is full for Nella.
Beth raulerSon says
beautiful. just freaking beautiful.
Crystal says
I’m not crying, you’re crying…..
Lynn says
The link…I can’t find the dolls on it!?
Jennifer Reil says
You made my husband and I cry again (in a good way :)! I hope we’ll be able to buy a beautiful doll like Nella for our daughter soon. (The company’s taking a holiday for a couple of weeks :). Happy New Year!
tina says
I think you have hit the nail right on the head with the feelings that go along with raising a special needs child. Watching my sister and her husband raise my nephew who lives with autism, i saw the struggle close up. People telling them that they were basically super human to be able to do it(and they also received the poem), we all knew people had the best of intentions but come on, they were regular people who had a very big job ahead of them and hopefully most parents would meet the challenge head on. They just wanted a normal life and for him to have a normal life, they were very cautious about watching any tv shows/movies that dealt with autism because more times than not, they did not feel it was a realistic portrayal of what they were living with.
My nephew is now 21 years old, he graduated 3rd in his high school class and graduated from college, he has a full time job and has been driving since he was 16. Thank goodness because of parents like my sister,my brother in law and many more like you, children are being included in “mainstream” classes and people can see special needs are actually a “normal” part of life and that in the end we are more alike than different.
kc says
Kelle, these dolls are beautiful. Always love reading your thoughts.
Amy says
So sweet! I love how she’s glowing with pride. You’re an awesome mama <3
Ellen says
Oh my gosh — this made me cry…
xo
Jennifer Horner says
That is so precious Kelle. I would buy my Vivian one but she’s such a tomboy, she doesn’t play with dolls. Tears are streaming right now, I just love this.
Happy New Year!!
Anna says
So if you were of asian decent, african, red readed or albino would have denied your child a doll like them?
The truth about Down’s syndrome must have hurt at first and i think i can understand your views against getting the first doll.
I am glad you changed your mind, nella knows she is surrounded by love and now has a baby like her. When we see, understand and can make our own jusdgements through play i am sure we can all understand better, dowlls with Down’s syndrome is a great start, just like asian dolls and african dolls have become more common place in our schools and childcare centres
Deanne Leasure says
This is the first time I have read your blog. I loved it. We struggled with purchasing the doll also. Our daughter who is nine wanted an American Girl doll so we purchased one for Christmas but then I found the same doll you purchased on Amazon. The only one available was with dark brown hair. My daughter has light blonde but she fell in love with “Ellie” as soon as she opened the box. She sleeps with her, has her sit at the table with us, etc. Our daughter doesn’t understand that she has downs but she knows that she is loved and beautiful just the way she is. Thank you for sharing your story.
Suzan says
I admire you and your honesty and integrity. I am also times have changed. These dolls would have been a Godsend when I was a special needs teacher. We didn’t have the best tools for those we took through the preschool years. I have parented an autistic child with ADHD and auditory processing disorder. I am amazed that he works as a chef in commercial kitchens.
Some things are getting better. Tonight I was talking with my daughter about your doll purchase. She told me about dolls for children with cochlear implants etc. Her partner did not see the need for these. He was soon educated. My 16 month old granddaughter was given a doll for Christmas. This baby is fed constantly! If she could have a baby every child could have one too.
Kristin says
I drink up everything you write and this post was one of my favorites. I think you are an amazing momma and Nella, Lainey and Dash are beyond precious.
mary greitzer says
the video of the little girl receiving the prosthetic-leg doll is incredible. thank you for sharing that and thank you for sharing your own evolving process and thoughts on this vast and complex topic of self-acceptance. and how wonderful for nella to have a special nella doll now! happy holidays to your family and thank you as always for your blog. i love reading it.
Jeanie says
So much love. ♥
Marion cameron says
This is so endearing. I love how honest you are about your journey through life. It’s a wonderful quality. You don’t try to please anyone or apologize for anything.
Erin says
The last sentence – OMG, tears.
Also, I love your “right now” revelation. Wonderful wisdom. Thank you!
Suzannah says
Love this.
Claudia says
I read this post with tears in my eyes. Both Nellas are beautiful. All the best for 2019.
Terri Holt says
Hi sweet Mama! I have not been here in awhile…I LOVE this post, this doll is perfect! Nella is quite the young lady now, where did the time go?
I love how you love!
xoxo
Tracy R Nelson says
I love this!!! I work with a lady who is in her forties, she has a baby doll she cares for. She has down syndrome too… All of us who work with her want to get her a beautiful baby… JUST LIKE HER… we’re just having problem finding one we can afford and have shipped in the US…
Marty kent says
This post is just about a year old but I just happened to stumble upon it. I wanted to say how touched I was by it. Not just the story about your daughter and her doll but about your attitude. The position you laid out in the phrase “I feel strongly about this now” is a beautiful thing. Your willingness to change or modify your position on even strongly held beliefs and ideas is what we all need right now in so many areas of our lives. It’s a balm to my demoralized spirit. Thank you.
Travis says
Wow. If I am honest I am here because these dolls are crafted in my hometown, red an article about it and wanted to see the sources by myself, but this story is melting my heart. So proud of bringing so much joy and love to the world and so happy to read stories like this. With love from Onil.