Growing up a pastor’s kid with both grandfathers who were also pastors, everything about Thanksgiving–the meal planning, the table setting, the family’s arrival, the kitchen hustle, the gathering to the table–was all simply a trail of stepping stones to the final destination, the main event of our holiday–the prayer before the meal. My grandpa delivering the Thanksgiving prayer? It was the State of the Union for our family. The prayer was long and covered all the bases from the hungry children of Africa to my little cousin’s upcoming violin concert. But what I remember most was watching my grandpa break down when he started saying thanks for his family–how much he loved us. He’d just stop and cry–shoulders shaking, no sound–and we’d all sit with the silence and wait for him to finish. Year after year after year. The love of family–it’s the jugular vein, man.
Thanksgiving Grace has evolved for me. A very long time ago, I used to wake up every morning at 5:00 and kneel at a couch for an hour begging God for answers because I was convinced that desperation was attractive to God. Then I discarded it all and replaced it with skepticism and confusion. Stopped praying completely. Tried to define it. Rebuilt it. And finally just let go.
Today prayer and Thanksgiving Grace to me look like dancing in my kitchen, running to my journal to scratch out some words in my head, crying through a poem, texting love notes to a friend, whispering thanks for this moment into the universe–to a higher power I believe in but can’t define, cuddling close to my kids while they sleep and feeling their breath, holding Brett’s hand when I feel a little bit far away from him but also perfectly in sync, tasting something wonderful, feeling proud of something I created, reading great words, hearing from someone that I did something to make life better for them, learning something new, looking at the moon, tapping out a caption to an Instagram post the night before Thanksgiving.
And watching my grandpa stop and cry and compose himself over talking about his family? I feel that every day. I think that’s called prayer.
Happy Thanksgiving. Say some kind of prayer–sing, dance, paint, text someone, hug someone, whisper an intention, write on a piece of paper what you are most grateful for and tuck it in a pocket of your purse. There’s no wrong way to do it. Of this, I am sure.
Amen.
after all these years of reading your blog and following your IG I didn’t realize both grandfathers were pastors (I knew your dad was, of course). You must know your bible front to back and back to front!!
I think we get it pretty good here in Australia because we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but every year we get a reminder from our friends across the ocean to take a moment to give thanks, appreciate our loved ones and the blessings in our lives; but without the pressure of turkeys, coordinating family schedules, big sales etc
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, Kelle :o)
This is beautiful. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours xx
Kelle- your words always inspire me! Thank you for sharing them with us!
Happy Thanksgiving! Your children are so blessed to have the energy and honesty that you channel to your family. Prayer can be found in the most unsuspecting places and those are almost always the most sincere.
Thank you for sharing your talent.
Happy thanksgiving! Thanks for sharing this!!
Mary
A few years back, my sister took her own life. A part of me left with her. You bring so much to my heart, Kelle, and sometimes I like to pretend you really are my sister. I thank you for sharing all that you do. I doubt you know the depth and scope that you impact people. I am eternally thankful for you— your words, your honesty and your talents. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mary. Thank you for those kind words. Wish I could hug you. I’m so very sorry you lost your sister. But happy that you find a little love in this place. xo Happy Thanksgiving.
THANK YOU!!!!! xoxoox
I hosted 30 at my house this year (my husband is a saint). Since my dad wasn’t with us ( he passed suddenly last year) my 8 year old niece told me she wanted to say Grace. Here is what she said,
“Dear God please bless this food before us, our family beside us, and the love between us. Amen.”
Perfect. Happy Thanksgiving.
That is the perfect prayer of simplicity and love. All we need to know and live, really.
I love your definition (or lack thereof) of religion. I just finished Charles Blow’s autobiography called Fire Shut Up in My Bones and he has this terrific quote about his definition of God that this post reminded me of:
“Children see God every day; they just don’t call it that. It’s the summer sky painted with cumulus clouds by day and sequined with a million stars by night. It’s the sweet whispers of sweet gum trees and the sounds riding the tops of honeysuckle-scented breezes. Children feel God stuffed into brown fluffy dogs with stitches strong enough to withstand a good squeeze, and on the lips of round women who can’t get enough sugar from Chocolate.
I began to believe that God is us and nature, beauty and love, mystery and majesty, everything right and good.”
This quote comes after his struggle of finding himself in a religion and what to believe in in this world.
I’m not religious, only spiritual, and my heart just bursted with pure love knowing that “religion” and “spirituality” can have SO many different meanings for people. It’s such a beautifully earnest concept.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this. Thank you so much. Just ordered the book. xo
That means the world to me! I hope you enjoy it. Charles Blow is a brilliant writer and a true advocate for people!
Have a beautiful Sunday night.
God is love. There is simply nothing more to it. When you feel that love for your family, your husband, your friends, even your pups – that is God. He wants nothing more than for you to feel His unwavering love for you that never ends, no matter what. You know it, it’s the way you feel when you look at one of your kids sleeping. Don’t have to make it more complicated than that, that’s all man’s doing. God is love and when you feel it, you know He’s with you. <3
I’ve reading your blog for years but don’t think I’ve commented before. I thought that was beautiful to read, thank you.