I did it.
I read her Birth Story again tonight.
It had been awhile since I had read it.
And I was beginning to question my happiness…my okay-with-it-all-ness.
In perusing her birth story links across the Internet, I’ve found myself strangely entering discussion boards and comment walls…and all these opinions people are writing about “Nella’s Mama”…how some wonder how I could possibly have moved on so fast…or if I’ll hit the wall later…or what kind of happy pipe I’ve been smoking. I’m not offended–no. They’re kind and honest questions, although it is a bit weird reading them as if I’m standing in a room with people talking about me and no one knows I’m there.
And, so I read the story of her birth. And, yes, the hurt is still there, raw, exposed and throbbing as ever. My heart twisted again as I scrolled down closer to that picture of her eyes when they first met mine. And when my shy-smiled girl walked into the room to meet her big sister. I cried as if it was happening right this very moment.
It still hurts. But, I think a huge part of the hurt is that it’s over…and I just want to go back to the beautiful day she was born again. Hence the prolonged attachment to the plastic wrist band I refuse to cut, its markered words now completely worn off, its edges bent and frayed.
I do think about the scary unknown. In fact, just last night, I called my dad, and when he answered, I simply said, “I’m scared about tomorrow, Dad. I’m scared of her being 18. And 35. I’m scared of who will help her when I die someday.” And just saying the words felt like a vice grip on my heart. And he said, “Don’t let your fears about tomorrow steal your joys of today. She’s lifting her head. She’s responding to your voice. She’s a perfect newborn.”
The fact is, the unknown is exactly that…unknown. I can’t worry about what may not even happen. I remember Randy Pauch’s wife, when asked during the time they were preparing for his death, how hard it was to go about every day, knowing her husband wouldn’t be there for long…she smiled and said, as soon as that sadness seeped in…as soon as that looming fear started choking, she repeated, out loud to herself, “Not helping. Not helping.”
I’m not exceptionally strong. I’m not trying to be anyone’s hero. It’s just I have no choice but to do this because the alternative is to not do this. And I don’t judge anyone who’s going through this who chooses to do it differently…in fact, I respect them for being honest with themselves to handle it exactly how they know they are capable of…even if that means choosing someone else to raise their child.
But, I have to do it this way…and it’s working. For the most part, I’m really not scared anymore. I am truly happy and overjoyed and experiencing all the beauty and laughter and soak-it-up-ness I expected I would a month before I had her. And writing about her and taking pictures of every ounce of beauty she possesses is helping incredibly. I so believe in the whole “Go Big or Go Home” philosophy. So it is, I wake up every day knowing I will at least try to make it not just good…but great. And, as selfless as it seems to be all happy pipe-ish for my kids, I don’t do this for them. I do it for me. Because we’re all a little selfish. Thankfully, they benefit from the outcome.
And now that my therapy hour is almost over and the therapist is suggestively glancing at the watch, I’ll wrap it up lest I be charged for another session.
*******************
We began the unraveling of party planning, and I am happy/embarrassed to say everything is planned out.
The first details revealed in…
The perfect Fairy Party Craft…little fairy houses for each girl to paint and adorn with acorns and glitter and all other enchanted bobbles to lure those sly little pixies into a perfect home.
JoAnn’s…and only $1 a piece.
…and some twisted floral wire hot-glued with leaves and buds and ribbon to make Fairy Crowns for our fairy friends:
And a great free download fairy font for labels, invites, party signs, etc. can be found here (look for “Kiss Me.”)
Invitation to come…
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I may not have taken off my hospital bracelet, but I finally arranged the precious tokens from the hospital into her keepsake box, framed (slightly crooked-ugh), under Big Sister’s.
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This time of year, I get totally stoked for Spring-ish things. Like being outside more and blooming buds and pastel tchotchke in the grocery store aisles and switching out my kitchen towels to the turquoise ones with the baby chicks stitched on them. Today, we satisfied our inner spring with pastel sidewalk chalk, sketched into her first hopscotch. She figured out the game with no hesitation and was soon flinging pebbles and skipping her shiny red boots in and out of those chalky squares with the sunniest grin.
And, in the afternoon, we took the pig for a walk. A long but completely enjoyable walk with her determined stride, her right arm just a swingin’ like it’s done since she started this ambulatory thing, and her left hand tied to a pink leash dragging a poor fuzzy pig whose belly used to be soft and pink but is now, rather, blackish and worn thanks to two blocks of pavement friction.
We stopped, of course, to fit our hands in our neighborhood’s small representation of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a.k.a. the place where a naughty kid named Charlie handprinted the otherwise perfect concreted sidewalks near our digs and dug out the letters of his name in the hugest, most obvious script you’ve ever seen.
And every time I pass it, she wants to put her hands in it and I half want to scold the kid who did it and simultaneously high-five him with a “Dude, that’s awesome!”
**************
Nella continues her head lifts. I think she kind of likes it now…like a game, and at least it’s fun for me because I smile and laugh until my cheeks hurt at her stretch to find me and the way she strains her eyes as far as they can go to look for me. I’ll hide and laugh until I can’t take it anymore because she’s just so damn cute…and then I’ll reward her with a little “Boo“…and one day soon, I know I’m gunna get a gummy grin. I can’t wait.
And cute Nella quirk emerges as she can’t lift her head without also lifting her left leg, like it’s connected with a string, driving her momentum.
I think she was a marionette puppet in another life.
She loves her flash cards above her dresser, and changings are always prolonged for her content little gaze on her pigs and chickens and bees.
(Anthropologie Cards, a gift, found here. Thank you, Jen!)
We think she’s quite delicious.
But then again, we think everything’s delicious. Or maybe we’re just smokin’ the happy pipe.
Probably won’t post again until later this weekend as I’ll be busy with spring mini shoots.
Which brings me to the newest member of our home.
Meet Snowball.
Or, at least that’s what I think the kids named him after Lainey had already gone through her choices of names which were, I swear, Bvoova (roll the Bv), Nnnga, Ebo and B’dah’. She’s into this phase of giving everyone super weird made-up names. I love weird. And I love that my kid’s a little bit weird too. Weird kids rock. And conquer the world, might I add.
Anyhoo, Snowball is the sweetest, cuddliest, chillest little bunny ever. And it seems right to have two new bunnies in our home this year. Except Nella got out of being used as a photo prop. Oh, who am I kidding, she is my photo prop.
So, spring mini shoots are filled and kicked off early with Lainey’s bud, Baylee, our sweet girl.
Yay. I love Spring. Which is why I’m ending this post with my Spring To-Do List, which I suggest you make one.
1.) Carve my girls’ initials into the trunk of a big tree. Because I’ve always wanted to do it, but never have.
2.) Buy tulips for the coffee table. Yes, tulips. From Holland.
3.) Wear fresh flowers in my hair.
4.) Play in the rain with Lainey…and get drenched in puddles.
5.) Buy this. Because it’s so me.
6.) Fly a kite.
7.) Wear more yellow.
8.) More cartwheels.
9.) Learn Gene Kelly’s ‘Singin’ in the Rain Dance (see #4)
10.) Rent and watch the following movies: 7 Brides for 7 Brothers (which, I’m quite confident I can quote the entire movie), You Can’t Take it With You, Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea and The Scarlet Pimpernel (the star character being someone I was so in love with at twelve years old that I wrote him a letter and sent it. The only star I’ve ever written a letter to. I think I told him I loved him. And that he did a very good French accent.)
Yum. Spring is coming. I smell Paas egg dye.
Happy Day.
It is ok to smoke the happy pipe sometimes. And it’s ok to put it down and recognize reality.
I have no idea what you are going through. I know that you have two gorgeous daughters, and a really smart dad!
And you are doing exactly what is right for you and your family. And that is all that matters.
Beautiful pictures. Your story is SO beautiful–it is real.
I love that I’m one of the first comments!! YEAH! OK… a few things — Lainey gets more gorgeous every day, Nella is beyond words… if you ever need a babysitter I’m happy to apply for the job! I love your dad and don’t even know him! I wouldn’t say you’re smoking the happy pipe, I would say you’re an incredible mom with an incredible gift for words and an open heart. And, speaking of hearts (I know you like those transitions…) mine is a little bummed that you won’t be posting again until the weekend (insert sad face!)
happy spring & love the new pics!!
xo
1. The pig on a leash made me laugh out loud because I was expecting a real piglet!
2. Nella’s little leg lift photo with her tiny knit bootie bent upwards is adorable, so is her yawn and precious little sweet face.
3. I danced to singing in the rain for my kindergarten talent show. I tapped danced to the song on stage and twirled my pink parasol. I loved it.
4. I love I found your blog 🙂
I love your dad’s advice. Shouldn’t we all live by that? I’m a little addicted to your family… I’m afraid when I come to Florida next month, I might to drive-bys or something like I used to do in high school.
Liking the new music too-
Jennifer
Awesome blug as usual! I wish my family was down for one of your spring photo shoots i actually thought that i could load everyone up and fly there just for that!! and then reality set in it always seems to come around when i dont want it to!! Can hardle wait for the rest of your party plans!! Love your girls!
I found your blog about a week ago, and I am so glad I did. You seem like such an amazing girl! So sweet, so real, I feel like I know you…ha! Thank you for sharing! Hugs, Cyndi
kelle,
your story is so beautiful and true and it’s yours, no one else’s. your daughters are beautiful and loved; you seem like an amazing mom.
thank you for sharing! i’m a new follower and i look forward to seeing more:)
xoxo,
Blair
looks like she’s gonna have an awesome party 🙂
nella is getting cuter everyday.
I had to come out of stalking mode to say that I am pretty sure I can quote all of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers AND the entire set of Anne of Green Gables. Thought I was the only one. 🙂 Love your blog. Your honesty. Your beautiful baby girls.
ps. hope you have a good “first” day back to work!
What a great outlook you have. It is so hard to face the demons of the future sometimes. I think I need to smoke that happy pipe a little myself.
Since I read your birth story, I have thought a lot about why we (moms) cry and are sad and scared when we find out our beautiful baby has Down syndrome. We found out that Aubrey had holes in her heart, two weeks before she was born and that she MIGHT have Ds.
When my first three girls were born, they were blank slates and the whole world was ahead of them. When Aubrey was born, and we KNEW, she wasn’t a blank slate for all the world. We have insight into so many things and I think that THAT is what is hard. It is thinking and worrying and obsessing about all the things that MIGHT happen in the future instead of just happily wondering. But it has taken me 18 months, and your birth story, to help me understand that and to accept it and ENJOY each new day. I have created a blank slate for her and try to take each day as it comes.
THANK YOU.
we love taking our “animals” for walks with leashes, too.
nella IS quite delious. i love that yawn picture on the quilt.
of course my story is different than yours, but i’m often asked how i do it with 5 children ages 6 and under. how do i not do it? i just do it. the very best i can.
i love how you’re doing it. beautifully and honestly.
Your blog is great, and I like the ‘go big or go home’ philosophy.
I have a developmentally delayed sister (almost 30 physically, mentally 12), and it’s hard not knowing, and the what-if’s, and the if only’s… mostly we just get through each day and each interaction, help her learn and grow, and treat her like we would anyone else. I think that’s the best gift we’ve given her. We can’t spend the rest of our lives worrying and being fearful; all we have is today, and we hope tomorrow will take care of itself.
Just keep loving your girls =)
xo
c
You probably know this, but just made a “typo” of sorts… it is Gene Kelly who does the tap dance in “Singing in the Rain”. Not Fred Astaire. Sorry. I am a classic movie/musicals buff. More like nerd. Geek. Ok, I’m a geeky musicals nerd.
Ha. Thank you. He deserves to be rightfully corrected. It was that cool of a dance.
I tried to teach my almost 3 year old to play hopscotch yesterday! She didn’t quite catch on but loved jumping on all the numbers I had drawn on the sidewalk!
Lainey’s party sounds so fun!! I am in the midst of pulling together a birthday party as well. This is always my favourite time of year for that reason. I love throwing birthday parties for my girls!! I can’t wait to see how everything comes together for Lainey’s party.
And as always- Nella is just too cute for words. She is such a little doll.
I love your blogs, pictures and family. I am proud to be the big sister of three handsome boys and the niece of an aunt with Down Syndrome. They bring so much joy to our lives as well as challenge us to be better people. I would not change a thing, except to add a sister with Downs to our family.
I look forward to seeing how your journey with Nella continues. She is beautiful and perfect!
Kelle,
Sometimes I think I might be smoking the happy pipe. And then sometimes I lose it…
I feel like I know you. You say what I have felt so perfectly. My daughter has DS and is just over a year. It gets easier each day. I love your honesty. You have a way with words and help to heal me and so many people more and more each day. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Oh how I loved that Bvooovah! It was an “ilarious knee slapper”; It WAS the best! As are you and your girls! Couldn’t wait for this next post! Lainey and Nella are the cutest! And how I love Nell’s eyes! Can’t wait to see the pics from the mini shoots.
Xoxo Madisyn
Ha. Sounds like you were at mothering.com forums. They do have a Special Needs sub-forum with a lot of great gals if you ever feel the need to visit.
Glad you and your family are continuing to do well. The girls look beautiful.
Wish you would come to California to do some shoots here!
Kelle, noooo you can not….. NOT post for a couple of days…. what will I do w/ myself lol….I guess I better enroll myself in a 12 step “Kelle” program to help me get through the next few days w/ out reading your posts…..I will miss you and I will be looking forward to the next Kelle, Lainey and Nella fix.
I have to say after reading what you wrote about you reading comments on “boards and walls” I couldn’t help but being protective of you…I admire how you said “your not offended”…but guess what “I” am offended for you! Let me at em haha! No one and I mean NO one has any clue what your going through unless they have walked in your shoes. I applaud you for your strength and for sharing your weakness as well.
Love you and your girls…have a blast w/ the photo shoot until then…have a lovely evening my friend 🙂
Carrie
Love Lainey’s tie!!! Wish I could dress half as well as she does! Nella is so beautiful, I love all the pictures of her.
Are you ever scared about tomorrow with Lainey? Or scared about her being 18 or 35? I know that at this point in time, Nella is the one with the obvious challenges ahead of her, but we never know the future and we are not guaranteed tomorrow.
Even now with my girls all grown up and married, I worry about them. Are they being taken care of when they are sick. How do I comfort the one who had a miscarriage a few months ago and is having a hard time conceiving again, even while all her friends are popping out babies left and right? What if they get a divorce or something tragic happens to them or their husbands? Mothers worry no matter the age or abilities of their children.
We just have to remember it is okay to make some plans for tomorrow, but we need to fully live in today.
Thank you for sharing your story with strangers, although I feel as if you are a friend, and I could probably walk in to your house and recognize everything and jump into a conversation because of all I know about you. Meanwhile, you would be staring at me with your mouth wide open wondering “who in the world is this crazy lady who acts as if she knows us?!!!”
Nella will be okay. Tomorrow, when she is 18 and when she is 35. And “okay” is flexible. What you imagine today that “okay” is when she is 18 may be very different from what “okay” is when she is actually 18. Hope that makes sense.
Just enjoy each day with each girl and live so you don’t have regrets.
You and your family are adorable. I love you and what a great example you are to mothers. Love, a grandmother from California
I love reading your blog and sharing in your special moments. I appreciate your honesty and being reminded how good life can be when we worry less about the unknown and focus more on and living in the beauty of the moment. I have 3 small children, one born with Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus. Annabelle has had 5 surgeries in the first 6 little months of her life and the stress has really taken a toll on us. However, with that said, it helps nothing and certainly not my babies to be sad and worried each day.
Thank you for sharing how beautifully you are handling your journey. I think I will try smoking some of that “happy-pipe” tomorrow and make it a better day for all.
Wishing you and your beautiful family all the best.
Nicole
Mom to Jack (5), Benjamin (3) and Annabelle (7 months old)
http://babygirlsummers.blogspot.com/
Love, love reading about your delicious life…and the photos are just the icing!
I love the anticipation of spring. It makes winter – almost – worth it! And I live way north of you so our winters are all snow and cold. But when we get these warm snaps and all that snow melts, we get the most amazing puddles for puddle-jumping.
Simple pleasures…Puddle-jumping, walking our stuffed animals, fairy parties, newborn head lifts and leg lifts. That is what it is all about.
Oh, thank you for the dose of happiness. I so want to be your friend. 🙂
Thank you for being so open and sharing your struggles. Your attitude is perfect, as far as I’m concerned.
P.S. Lainey’s fairy party sounds lovely and magical!
Kelle –
I’ll smoke what you’re smoking. Pass the pipe please.
dearest kelle,
i would first like to say you are oh so incredibly lucky to have a poppa like you do,to just call when you need encouragment,that is so awesome.I think part of the reason you are such an awesome parent is cause you were lucky enough to have some:)i am in awe of your honesty and your passion for living your life at its fullest, you are gonna raise some kick butt kids, ps.at the end of this month were going on vacation first stop, the wooden shoe tulip festival:) i will be thinking of you.
dearest kelle,
i would first like to say you are oh so incredibly lucky to have a poppa like you do,to just call when you need encouragment,that is so awesome.I think part of the reason you are such an awesome parent is cause you were lucky enough to have some:)i am in awe of your honesty and your passion for living your life at its fullest, you are gonna raise some kick butt kids, ps.at the end of this month were going on vacation first stop, the wooden shoe tulip festival:) i will be thinking of you.
Oh how that yawn just made my heart flutter… and the little leg lifted… So sweet!
Lainey is just adorable too. Such a sweet sleeping photo.
I love your to-do list for spring!! Beautiful!
Your pictures are stunning. I especially love the one of the red boots 🙂
just have to say from a rather long time reader … i wouldn’t have expected anything different from you.
it’s you. it just is.
and what better gift to give your girls than yourself.
my stella (and now cora too – poor girl that had to switch rooms) has a pink fairy princess rock room. complete with a fairy door. fairy doors are very important.
Blessed and Inspired! Smoke more would ya
I love 7 Brides for 7 Brothers and Anne of Green Gables too!!! Your babies are beautiful! Thank you for sharing your heart and your life with us all. I just wanted to add that I have had to conquer my worrying about the future w/ my son as well. And your dad is so right!!! Worrying will only rob you of your joy today! She is perfect and she will have a wonderful life!!!
I’ve had the similar experience when my brother died. It was all over the media and people were commenting half-heartedly about him and his ‘family’ – that being me. It hurt so much. I just had to stop reading all the opinions as I think they’d drive me crazy.
Enjoy your beautiful girls and leave the opinions to the opinionated.
I found your blog when I was pregnant with our third baby…you had just had Nella. I cried for you, for her, for Lainey. A week later I found out that the heart beating in our baby stopped…I was 16 weeks pregnant. I kept thinking of you and your story and your baby. Your family has stuck in my heart and today I also reread the letter I wrote and cried, and felt rubbed raw with salt pouring in. Sometimes life just doesn’t make sense…you’re so close to the big picture that you just see a smudge or a little dark shadow…and I can’t wait to back up and see the big beautiful picture that I know is there…I’m just too close. It is nice to see you getting further away…I feel like you are seeing more and more of that big beautiful picture even though there are still some shadows and smudgy spots…
Hugs to you and your two cuties.
Kate
I guess you’ve passed me the pipe. Or maybe it’s just the fact that I work with kids with disabilities, day in and day out, and my day ended on a very high note with a little girl with D.S. crawling into my lap before our language therapy session. Not only that, but she wowed me during therapy by rocking out some high-level language concepts. I know she’s different, but I love her even more because of it, not in spite of it. I think it’s great that you are doing the same. Here’s the pipe back now. 😉
I admire and love the joy you look upon life with!
You need to do party planning, your ideas are amazing!
Dear Kelle,
I don’t know you but for the posts that I read…I can’t count how many of them…from 12am to 5am last night/this morning. I read with tears in my heart for your sorrow and with cheers for your glorious victories (even the small ones are glorious). I need you to know that despite not knowing you but for the words in your blog, you and your beautiful family have a place in my heart. I admire your strength, your courage, your accepted weaknesses and your ability to throw up your hands and say “hell, I’m really not sure if I’m okay”. You are a beautiful soul and you have truly touched my life.
I was directed to your blog when you wrote sweet Nella’s birth story. I have read it several times since then and each time the tears flow. Because every word is real and beautiful. I feel like a treasure friend when I read your blog and not the stranger that I am. You have inspired me in so many ways. I often read your blog while I am nursing my own sweet baby girl and I feel a kindred spirit there in your words and pictures. A momma who fiercely loves her cubs.
Your daughters are both beautiful. My almost 8 year old loves peeking in to see what Lainey is wearing and to get a glimpse of baby Nella. We often include your family in our nightly prayers and Piper (my big girl) thinks that you and her Daddy should do photo shoots together. LOL. Her daddy is also a photographer with the exact same philosophy and style.
I am going to sit down and write my own Spring List thanks to you. I think dancing and singing in the rain will be close to the top. Gotta love Spring in Florida!
I love, love, love your blog. I check it often for new posts! Your pictures are soooo gorgeous.
Why is there always someone who says things they shouldn’t say?! Didn’t their mama’s teach them anything?! No one knows what life holds…none of us can look into the future, we all have worries at every stage of life. Thats why we look to God and Jesus Christ…they are there to help us through this life of trials. They will help us as we are tried, tested and proven…we will make it!
You stay happy girl, I’m so proud of you and these little girls are both so blessed to have you for their mom! Keep on enjoying life for your sake as well as theirs. They could not be cuter!:D
There is just nothing like a new baby. You so beautifully photograph little Nella that it’s frustrating that I can’t scoop her up and cuddle her. Love your blog.
can i just tell you that i’m so happy that you are growing nella to her full potential. screw the medical texts and the ‘this is what d.s. kids do’. nella is what a KID can do. labels are for boxes that we stick in the garage to gather dust and spiders. she’s raw learning potential all wrapped up in fluffy pink booties (love them). and natalie is jealous of the beautiful fairy in your blog 🙂
I so understand what you said about how you have to do it, because the alternative would be not to do it. I get it. And I get that you’re not doing it out of obligation. That you’re doing it out of love. And I just wanted you to know that for some reason.
And I’m really glad you’re getting tulips for your table. 🙂
And if you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend Ever After a Cinderella Story starring Drew Barrymore. It fits well with the movies you listed.
Oh..and I love the little Lainey Fairy! Adorable pictures of her!!
Will Nella have wings for the party, too?
thank you so much for your blog.
you don’t know how much your posts mean to me since i stumbled upon them last week.
my 19 month old daughter, claire, was born missing a part of her brain and has a devastating form of epilepsy. we didn’t know these facts until after she was born as well and we don’t know why medically this happened to her.
i still struggle with my scared days and angry days and reading your words gives me perspective and encouragement.
thank you so so much.
♥ Kelle I believe the fact that you have allowed yourself to grieve and leave it for a while only to come back has given you more strength than any BLOG could ever allow room to tell. It is always easier to put out someone else’s happy pipe then to admit we’re smokin’ too! We all grieve for things that we can’t change or cause difference in. But it’s like Cheryl Crow said, “It’s not having what you want. It’s wanting what you’ve got.” And in each post that I read you are doing just that! You are wanting what you’ve got!!! Sometimes the greatest blessings are those we didn’t know we needed! May God bless each and everyday of the lives you all live! ♥
I love, love, love your blog!!! First, you are an amazing writer! Second, your pictures are beautiful! Third, your little sweeties are absolutely adorable! Fourth, your positive attitude is exactly what I need right now (I just lost my best friend, my brother, in a motorcyle accident). Thank you for sharing your life with all of us. Keep smokin’ that happy pipe, m’dear!
http://www.patrickandsarahlynch.blogspot.com
Kelle, please don’t worry what any one else says on those DS boards. Everyone deals with the birth of their child with DS differently. I had one day of full-on grief, and then it was totally gone. Peter was the spitting image of his big brother and I just loved him so much. Every so often I might have a not so good moment, like if someone stared at him or made a comment, but that was few and far between. I always thought, and did think, that he was the most beautiful little boy ever.
Nella is absolutely gorgeous. And it’s so great to see her and Lainey enjoying each other.
Bridget
My daughter directed me to this blog and your stories today. I admit I read them during work time. I want you to know, I that not only do I admire your honesty regarding your fears but I applaud your courage to spell it out for others to read. It sure does make many moms feel like they aren’t alone!!
You are blessed and you are a blessing to so many others. Know that you have so much support! And now you also have mine!
Nella is the very luky to have you and daddy and big sis. Everytime i read you blog I am in tears. How lucky are you to have this presious child? having a older brother who is downs, I can only tell you, that he is such a gift to our family. I know in time you will feel the same. I think you already do but still there is fear, but kell, it’s going to be ok. believe, me it will be ok. sweet little nella will be ok.
I could say so many things about how beautiful your angels are…or how beautifully you’re handling this whole situation…
But I really want to be weird and say that Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is my all time favorite movie. As well as Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea. They’re so soothing and delicious.
🙂
Hey there Kelle,
Well, doncha think Lainey and her bros are going to do a GREAT job with Nella after you and hubby are gone?!!! Of course they will.
The new bunny is cute n’all but I’m loving the OG “Original Gansta” bunny a lot more. Man, those eyes, do you just DIE?!!!! Her pilates is enviable.
Will miss you until the next post but I know that it will be a great one cuz you have lots and lots of blog-worthy things to work on. So we’ll all catch up with the happenings then.
Happy day!
– iColossus
How the heck are you so organized? WOW! I am very jealous. I love the birdhouse idea for the birthday party.
BABY YAWNS!!!! Love, love, love that picture!
I would love to reach into my computer to give you one big hug. I can only imagine how hard it is to wrap your head around the total shift in expectations. Heck, I did not get the delivery I wanted with my first and I am still mourning the loss of what I wanted. All the while, loving my son (and a year later my daughter) but still sad about what I missed out on. Only time will help heal or maybe lessen the hurt. I know that is not apples to apples but the loss of what we expect is so jolting that it is hard to shake it off. Well, that might be advice. SORRY! I hate giving advice.
BTW, your father sounds like he is one rad guy. Wow, he most be some sort of Shaman. “Don’t let your fears about tomorrow steal your joys of today.” WOW! That is so wonderful and a really great mantra to live by.
Thank you again for your inspiration to be a better mom, wife and most importantly photographer (LOL)
Okay… Anne of Greene Gables stuff AND 7 Brides for 7 Brothers? <3 them… true classics!
You know what? Move on slow or fast. Hit the wall later or never. Keep soaking up the beauty of now because it’s the stuff that enriches the present life and makes the tough worth fighting through.
This seems like a ridiculous thing to comment about – I’ve been a bit addicted to your blog since I first read your birth story a couple of weeks back, but had no words to convey what I was feeling for you… but now I just want to say my daughter’s name is Baylee – spelt exactly the same as your little friend’s, and I was so excited to know there is another little girl Baylee out there in the world that I know of! My Baylee is nearly 15 months old, and your writing about everyday simple moments with your little beauties makes me look so forward to what we have to come – hopscotch, girly birthday parties, becoming a big sister… I am so grateful to be able to read your journey. Lots of love, from Larissa and Baylee – Melbourne, Australia
I don’t think you “get over” anything. I just think you learn to cope. And it seems to me that the reason people think that you “got over it so fast” is because you are just a happy person in general. What are you going to do, sit in bed everyday, cry and neglect yourself and your family? Nope. That’s not you. You are happy, you are about family and just because there is a minor, unexpected bump in the road doesn’t mean we should all retreat to our beds.
You are doing awesome and as a soon-to-be first time mom, you only inspire me.
Hugs,
Heidi
I don’t think you “get over” anything. I just think you learn to cope. And it seems to me that the reason people think that you “got over it so fast” is because you are just a happy person in general. What are you going to do, sit in bed everyday, cry and neglect yourself and your family? Nope. That’s not you. You are happy, you are about family and just because there is a minor, unexpected bump in the road doesn’t mean we should all retreat to our beds.
You are doing awesome and as a soon-to-be first time mom, you only inspire me.
Hugs,
Heidi
I think there is no right or wrong way to “be”. I have been called a “pollyanna” at times and I just take it as a compliment (even though I know it’s not meant as one!!) I think it’s a wonderful way to experience life. I LOVE your motto and the way you live your life. Soaking it all up, enjoying every last sip :)!
i love photos of little girls dressed like punk rock hippie fairies. lainey has style! beautiful photos as always. can’t wait for spring!
Kelle..lets not forget about pink nail polish for Spring! Figi? I started breastfeeding today because of you 🙂 I want that bond with my boys. Ouch…got to get used to this! Check out the time on my post..will I ever get a full night of sleep again? See you Saturday. Love Julie
I cried for almost 24 hours straight and then it stopped. I definitely had my up and down times but not the sorrow and disappointment. But I did spend a lot of time that first year worrying about the future. Too much time. Actually I think I was talking about what I should do when she went through puberty when she was only 2 days old. Never thought about that with any of my other newborns. It all seems so crazy now but it was such an unknown journey with so many what if’s to worry about. We learned to take one day at a time. Enjoy the now. And worry about all of the other things when that time comes. I have friends that ask me all of the time what our plans are for Morgan when she is older. . . will she live with us? will we look for a good group home? etc. We always respond with the same answer. . . We’ll wait and see what Morgan wants to do at that time. We don’t worry about those things. She’s 7 years old and we’re going to enjoy having a 7 year old. This is such an amazing time for you. Enjoy your baby girl. Don’t worry about all of the other stuff. It goes by so fast and I’d LOVE to be able to go back to that first year and just focus on my baby. Not the Down syndrome. Not the heart defect. Not the weight gain. Just my baby. Rock her. Sing to her. Read to her. Love her. Cuz that’s what every baby deserves.
Thank you for writing things that make me cry. Those cries cleanse my heart and help me want to be a better mom. And a better person.
My daughter will turn three in June, often what you say about Lainey reminds me of my Olivia… Isn’t it fun?
Thank you for such a beautiful window into your world. I love reading your blog with its heartfelt tales and beautiful photography.
Do your thing, no worries no apologies. If someone else wants to mourn their life, or your life let them. It’s one less thing for you to do.
Love from California
Ok I love that you love tulips…..(i’m the one from Holland 😉 and which version of the Scarlet Pimpernel did you love so much? The one with Antony Andrews and Jane Seymour by any chance? We were crazy about that film growing up…….
Hi Kelle. I’m one of the people whom you have touched. YOu have been an inspiration without you even knowing. I’ve been reading your glogs and keeping up with your updates. I felt like part of your family by just sharing everything here. And Nella, she is so beautiful. Just so wonderful. Please, please, please. Once you’re done with this book of yours, I badly wanted to have a copy of it. Even though I’m from the other side of the world. I know in my heart that I want to have it. Please send mu hugs and kisses to Lainey and Nella.
~ Christine 🙂
I recently came across your blog and was completely drawn in by your photographer’s eye and warm heart. If I didn’t live halfway around the world (in Europe) I’d bring my 3 beautiful daughters (one just 4 months older than Nella) to you for a photo shoot. Just wanted to tell you from my heart that both of your girls are beautiful — and perfect.
I love your blog. I came across it the other day and I just adore it. Your family, your girls, your honesty and heart are so inspiring. And your photos are just out of this world amazing. I am now an avid follower. You better be writing your book cos I will sure buy it!
Wise man, that Dad of yours! You are doing juuuust fine!
Great Spring list! Anne of Green Gables is one of my favourite (I am lucky enough to live right by Prince Edwards Island and have seen Green Gables).
kelle – like so many others, I found your blog and was captivated by your sweet bunny’s birth story. I have been checking up on you since and it sounds to me that you are doing just fine. You are a rock star. Rock stars have days that are spent in Italy and unfortunately days stuck in Holland. The important thing is that you keep practicing that music and honing your rock star skills.
I want to be the kind of mother to my boys that gives advise like your dad. You are blessed kelle! You have a beautiful family. I am out here rooting for you as well as many others whom you will never know. Rock on
Do not feel the need to defend yourself. I’m guessing 98% of the people giving their opinions on your life have never ever gone through what you’re going through. Reality is there every single day, but it is also beautiful. I still worry about the future, until I realize that it’s NOT HELPING! and give it to God. Again. He already has it all figured out, so I don’t have to.
I think you are to be commended for sharing your story. Period. There is no RIGHT way to become a mom of a differently abled chid.
Enjoy the birthday! And stay off those message boards! 😉
Oh, the thrill of being quoted on the blog–even italicized! It makes a Poppa proud. But I am not that wise…Kelle could surely fill a blog with other words of mine that missed the mark, but today, I am proud. I owe any remnant of wisdom in this heart and mind to those I have been privileged to learn from while sharing their journey. I serve as a chaplain in a hospital and most of my daily converstations are with the hurting, the fearful, the changed…but I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. I recall once sitting with a woman who had, at far too young an age, suffered a crippling stroke which would leave one hemisphere of her body forever limp and lifeless. We had shared together the darkness and that morning, she brought the light when, with the morning sun shining through her hospital window and she, seated in a chair with a small table over her and a cup of coffee sharing its rich aroma with us both, said, “I picked up my coffee today, with a different hand.” Each word was an effort, with part of her face alive and responding and another drawn and sagging. “I decided not to look at what I have lost, but rather at what I have left. I have an arm that can still cradle my grandbabies. I can still give a horsey ride with this good leg. And I can give everyone half a smile with a whole heart.” And I, in tears of celebration, leaned over and gaver her a long and lingering hug–the hug of a Champion. Perception is everything. Maybe Flip Wilson, if you remember this 80’s comic, was right…”What you see is what you get!” I like your eyes, Kelle…and when they are blurred, look through the eyes of those who love you so. Have a great day, I’m off to work….
Life is much, much better with the proverbial happy pipe. 🙂 I don’t condone the use of a real one (sorry, hahaha), but we have to choose the way that we see our cards and our situations. And as I gaze into the (third in a row! record!) Michigan sunrise this morning, I know that I can handle most of the things that just a few hours ago seemed troubling or insurmountable.
LIFE is delicious. I’m glad Spring is coming and making the world fresh and new for you. Keep up the inspiration. 🙂
You are Nella’s hero!
I put a post up this morning- Sara will be 18 in April, and it’s raw, honest. The fears are real, but I will tell you that a lot of what I was scared of never materialized. I cried that she would never go to prom, she’s been twice!
It’s ok to be scared, but your dad’s advice was perfect. Enjoy today. Smell the tulips, run with the fairies, and soak it all up : )
My daughter with Down syndrome, who is 12, adores looking at photos of Nella. She comes running when she hears the soundtrack to your blog and makes me linger over every photo. You have so much joy ahead of you!!
Kelle, I can’t even remember how I found it now, but just wanted you to know that after clicking on Nella’s birth story link I have been changed, just a bit, for the better. The way you expressed your range of emotions was so real and honest and beautiful. I could almost feel them myself. I know you are already well aware of this, but I just have to say it…….Nella is beautiful, absolutely beautiful! Thank you for having the courage to share your story and thank you for sharing your sweet Nella with us all:)
Kelle, I so enjoy reading your blog. Your outlook on life is so inspiring and you are one of the best photographers I have ever seen. I find myself wishing that I lived in FL so I could have you shoot photos of my kids. Your girls are absolutely beautiful!
Are you speaking of Anthony Andrews in “The Scarlet Pimpernel”…because if you are, I feel your yearning! He was HOT (unrelated but if you did like him, did you see the episode of “The Love Boat” where he fell in love with Julie? Sigh…)
Shaking off the Anthony Andrews thoughts, LOVE your post today and the gorgeous pictures and your thoughts on smoking the happy pipe…I think you are just loving your girls with all you’ve got and being as positive as you can be. And in doing so and writing and photographing and even blogging it, you are providing a lot of inspiration to women everywhere, probably much more than you know. Whatever thoughts and feelings will come and go as they both grow up, your girls will be blessed to have this legacy of your day-to-day love and commitment to them, whether it be in blog (or hopefully, BOOK form!!)
Personally your posts, to me, are all kinds of beautiful. So touching and such a good reminder to find the beauty in everyday.
Have a wonderful weekend with the photo shoot and bunnies and those gorgeous “assistants” too.
Kelle, I like that you are “smoking a happy pipe”! Because it makes me happy…you are an amazing woman, and your blog has inspired me, made me cry, and made me laugh! Thanks for being so REAL!!
Much love and many prayers for you and your beautiful family!
Lisa
First of all I can’t believe there is a chat room out there discussing how you are handling this. Weird! You are trying and succeeding to be happy and strong for your family. If that takes a happy pipe (or a glass of wine) some days then so be it. Nella is the cutest thing ever and every time I read your blog I am thrilled she is yours. I know she will receive more love from you than she could have from anyone else. It was a match made on purpose. She’s yours and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. She’s your perfect little thing just like Lainey and that’s all there is to it. You are a great mom; I know that from reading your blog. You will get through this, loving, educating and inspiring as you go.
Hi. I’m Lisa…Elissa’s sister in law. I wish that we were neighbors. I need a Kelle in my life!!!!!!!!
Have an awesome day!
Well, then, PASS THAT PIPE! I want more of what you’re smokin!!! And I sure as heck hope somebody is growing fields & gardens of “the stuff” because we certainly need it in the world today! Thanks, Kelle, for giving ALL of us a happy uplift from your heart and from your girls!
And you need not worry about the future – God has a plan, and he ALWAYS knows what He’s doing – and He’ll walk beside you or carry you through it all. Be not afraid. I know this from experience. Be not afraid, my friend.
I am obsessed with Kelle’s word. No joke. Like I can’t stop resding, reading and reading.
Your words, family, pictures, everything. Thanks for sharing your story and your life with us. I do too feel like I know you, you are so honest with yourself that makes us feel very close.
Oh being brazilian and living in NY, I miss that sunshine sooo much during this snowy winter. I will be living through your springness until mine gets here in about 3 months. 😉
Xoxo
Yay! What a fun post! So much to click and see (which I secretly look forward to after reading your posts!)
I have to say that your outlook on life may be spoken of on comment boards because that is something that some people only dream they possessed.
Take a big ol’ puff of that happy pipe girl!! And keep exhaling it all over us!!
<3 Tara
One of the things I love the most about FL is the ability to dance in the rain with the kids – up north it was too darn cold! Hoping the sun stays but the weather warms before you go dancing in the rain. Thanks for your continued sharing – truly are so encouraging. A bright light in a too often negative world.
Your Nella pics make me want to have another baby! My youngest is almost 7 months old and the newborn has slipped away completely. I am soaking yours up!
We are busy planning my 4 year old’s 5th birthday in April. It’s so much fun! Looks like Lainey’s party will be a blast. Are you having girls only? If not….what will you do with the boys?
Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea….No way!! I am from Prince Edward Island….Not only do I think you should read the books, watch the movie…But you must also visit PEI with your family…and while you are here..You can photograph my BABES and I can give you the biggest hug, because you are my newest Hero!!
Check out this link…YOU WILL LOVE PEI- so laid back and so cozy and our beaches are INCREDIBLE!
Check out the tourism guide…Fall in love then COME VISIT! Pllllleeeaaaassssee!!!!!
http://www.tourismpei.com/pei-visitors-guide
Great post today…Happy pipe wouldn’t be so bad some days 😉
I love your happy pipe, and I have been borrowing it consistently since I read your birth story about a month ago. Inhale, dear one. May we all look at our children with the lense of love you display.
I share your story over & over again, most recently here:
http://www.sgmradio.com/kellyburton.html
This is my first comment on your blog and I just wanted to tell you how beautiful your babies are.
And that Paas is translated in Dutch to Easter….See Holland isn’t so bad after all.
I don’t know if it’s a happy-pipe or just your personality and how you “deal” with life, but if there is a happy-pipe out there I want some of the good stuff!
I think that you were created with a few extra scoops of creativity than the rest of us, seriously, I don’t know how you do it!
Keep smoking that happy pipe, maybe we should all have some!
Everytime I have a bad day or feel down I sit down and read your blog. Your words are inspirational and always make me feel happier.
The party plans look awesome. We have just celebrated
my sons 1st birthday and there is nothing better than celebrating the day your baby(‘s) arrived. x
My daughter (almost 5 year old)was looking over my shoulder this morning as I read your blog…
“Ohh Mommy what a cute cute baby!”
“Yes she is”
“she is just so cute! What is her name?”
“Nella”
“How do you know her name?”
“Her mommy told me.It is written here”
“Her mommy wants everyone to know her?”
“Yes I think she does”
“That’s pretty neat-o pete-o!”
See- Nella is making even my 4 year old smile…not to mention me!
I don’t know if you remember our photo shoot last year, but you told us that you were just pregnant with your little bunny and I was also in the beginning stages of pregnancy (our baby girls are only 2 weeks apart)I follow your blog like it was a crazy cult that I cant help but be drawn to. You continue to inspire me to capture every day moments. I’ve recently purchased my first “real” camera and have elevated making Valentine’s cookies in our new home in Costa Rica the gorgeous memory captured forever that it deserves. Thank you for changing my daily philosophy of living. You are daily in my prayers and I look forward to signing up for a photo shoot to capture our family as we bring our new sweet baby to his forever home from Ethiopia (some time in December is our hope!). Blessings and hugs….Marissa Hess
ps- forget renting Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and the Anne of Green Gables Series…..those are childhood favorites that I, too, could quote from memory…I say buy them and help me raise a new generation of girls who know such quality films!
Oh my gosh, I found your blog a few weeks ago and I am totally inspired and touched by you and the way you’re handling everything with so much grace and optimism, even if you’re cautious. You don’t have to justify that you’re not allowing yourself to look at your glorious and amazing daughter as something negative to wallow about! You’re allowed to be happy about Nella! That’s one thing that you never need to justify or explain. She’s awesome. (You’re also allowed to break down when you need to.) Those people who think you should be crushed and refusing to pick up the pieces left by your disappointment obviously don’t understand how much of a beautiful, earth shaking gift your sweet, adorable, lovable daughter is to you! I mean, I don’t even know you, and she’s a blessed gift in my life! Go ahead and move forward with as much happiness and thankfulness as you want to, mama! It’s all so beautiful.
You don’t know me…I live in St. Louis, MO and have a wonderful little boy…Jack, who also happens to have an extra 21st chromosome. I totally relate with your stories. You put into words all the things I think and help me sift through the past 8 months of joy and pain. Our Jack is 8 months old and the love of our lives. There are times for the happy pipe and times to put it down. I tend to “smoke it up” during the day, and at night put it down to reflect and feel the things that are uncomfy. I love your pics of Lainey and Nella and wish I had your talent. Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us and letting us sit on the sidewalk of your life. And please know that in St. Louis there is a little boy like your Nella who is also stealing the hearts of many and a mom and dad who are just like you guys…sifting, living and loving through this remarkable journey. Many blessings and many raindrops on roses and whispers on kittens(or, I should say bunnies) to you!!
I love your dad’s advice…and if I may I am going to take his advice for me too!
I bet it is weird to read about people talking about you on the internet…but I think you have to do whatever it takes to get by. It still hurts for me too but it doesn’t do anyone any good to wallow, right?! Its the ‘when life gives you lemons’ thing:)
Also I love the ‘Senator’ from the last blog…My Will has a Senator everyday and now I have a name for it…Thanks!
I love all of your ideas for Lainey’s birthday. I too LOVE birthdays and start planning quite early. In fact we just celebrated my son Liam’s birthday a few weeks ago and I started planning it before Christmas! HAHA!! I love every aspect of the planning and throwing of the party. We did a pirate theme for what was his 4th birthday and it turned out AWESOME! It looks like Lainey’s party is going to be so awesome too. I can’t wait to see the finished product!
On a side note… if you read this… Last May I took a trip to Holland and took what I think are great pictures of some very gorgeous tulips growing there. I wanted to share some of them with you because I thought that you could use them in some way with Nella’s story or a photo album for her. I could not find a way to e-mail them to you though. If you are at all interested please e-mail me at melissamoss79@live.com. Or if you have Facebook I am on there too and have an picture album with some of the photos. My name is Melissa Moss and although right now I am overseas in Germany my city is Baltimore,MD. I may have my profile set to private but I am not sure.
Thanks for sharing all the great pics of your beautiful little girls. They really brighten my day!
WOW I cannot believe how organized you are and how much of Lainey’s party you have done. I wish I was 3 to come that sounds like it’s going to be a rockin party :)!
I think you are doing an awesome job as a mom, you are doing it just as you know how to do.
I can’t wait to hear how the photo shoot went!!!
I don’t know where to start… I found your blog right after Nella was born. I sobbed reading your birth story. You heart pours out into every post and I can FEEL what you are writing.
I honestly half wondered if you were smoking the happy pipe too. So I went back and read (way too much of) your archives. And I found that this is just YOU. Unless you have been smoking a happy pipe all along.
I don’t have a child with ds, but I have a son with s autism. I have the same fears. It’s still hard sometimes to accept that I don’t know what the future holds. But I really don’t know what it holds for my other two either. The way we CHOOSE to look at things will shape our childrens’ futures. Embrace and love who she is and everything will turn out wonderfully.
I am in LOVE with your blog. As a wanna be amateur photographer, I adore the pictures. And as a blogger, I admire your ability to share.
I also want to steal your dad. Can he be rented out?
When I was in the hospital giving birth to a still born baby, the hospital chaplain, helped me so much. It takes a special person to do that job.
So keep smoking that happy pipe Kelle, you are SOOO BLESSED.
I must have smoked the same happy pipe 18 years ago when my special girl was born.We also took it in stride and just enyoyed her with no regrets.You will learn that you have fears and disappointments with ALL your children regardless of their chromosomal make up.Don’t get in a funk about things like “I’m sad because she will never go to the prom….” My special girl went to the prom last year whereas her 2 correctly chromosoned sisters never did.You will find this to be the case many times over as life goes on.My special girl also probably has more joy in life and more peace in Christ than any of my others.Beleive me there are perks to look forward to!
My word….and to think I felt like a bit of a hero just for baking cupcakes for my son’s birthday! Although if you ever saw me in the kitchen, you’d understand this simple feat was indeed a huge outpouring of love.
Your post reminded me of how I feel when other’s words make me feel a little different…words that make me pause as I attempt to gaze through their eyes at my life. Then, after a few contemplative moments I solemnly declare, in a booming “movie” voice, “$%^@ it!” (assuming my small children have their ear-muffs on…) It’s my life and as the saying goes, NEVER EVER bet your life on somebody else’s opinion. Two choices: play it your way or watch from the sidelines and hope to someday be called back to the game. And you my friend, are ripping up the field with a huge fan base cheering you on! I’d pick you to be on my team anyday.
Toke on sister!
I think your dad had fantastic words for you, and Nella’s little leg lift is so cute! The other thing is, wow I thought I was the only one (other than women over 55) who love the classics. I just watched “You Can’t Take it With You” last week and laughed myself silly! Oh, the last thing I wanted to say is, I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now and feel odd knowing all about you, and yet I am a total stranger to you. So if you would like to know who I am, and make me feel a little less strange visit me at http://marileemarks.blogspot.com. Hi, I’m Mari, its a pleasure to meet you. 😉
You amaze and inspire me. I want to smoke the happy pipe, enjoy the small things and find the good in everything. In the week or so since I have been reading your blog I have worked hard to slow down and enjoy every minute I get with my son. Thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing your passion for life! You have touched me more than you know.
please don’t carve their initials into the trees!
Ive been smoking the happy pipe for 11 years now. 🙂 And you know what? I have a positive, happy, easygoing smart little girl outta the deal. Happy is good.
Pass the happy pipe this way please!
Wow, after reading this post and then going back to read the birth story entry, I’m sitting here in my sunny living room choked with tears. Tears of joy for your happy and beautifully perfect family mingle with tears of grief for your loss and heartbreak.
My nephew was born with Cerebral Palsy and your story of Nella’s birth reminded me so much of the afternoon of his arrival- it had me right back in that hospital room watching his still little body and waiting for “real life” to start up again the way it was supposed to be. Today, he is a gorgeous two and a half year old big brother and when he runs to me for hugs and snuggles, I snake my arms in through his walker and my heart literally melts as I pull him close.
It was two years before I could write the full story of that day and the fallout of what happened but when I did, it was the better than any formal therapy session: (http://chapeskie.livejournal.com/2000.html)
Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and fearlessness. You truly are a rockstar mama.
Peace and Love.
Well Kelle – another awesome post! You are a ROCK STAR and you “rock it” every day with WHO you are and How you are. You are your Dad’s daughter and he is an awesome teacher, now YOU are your childrens teacher! Live every minute-love every minute. Lainey and Nella are now learning from you as are every one of us that follow your blog! How wonderful is that! So happy to see that you now have a new pet bunny! I can see Lainey walking it down the street! They make harnesses and leashes just for that!!!Have a great weekend!!!Will wait patiently for your next beautiful post!
This blog is pure delight.
Ya’ll are my favorite.
Your father sounds like a wise man, I LOVE that expression, “Don’t let your fears of tommorow…” I try everyday to not make decisions motivated by fear 🙂
I love those flash cards, I remembering printing black and white images for my son around the 3 month mark, he loved them, he would even laugh at them.
Your daughters are beautiful.
It sounds like the birthday party will be a very magical day! Is Lainey’s middle name really Love?
Kelle, I came across your blog, by way of Nella’s birth story, from an online forum I belong to. I have started to write you several times and then the words just wouldn’t come out right. So I am trying again.
I don’t know what I love more- your blog entries, your pictures, your strength, the beauty of your children- or perhaps it is a combination of it all.
I cry every time I come onto this site- tears of joy, tears of empathy, tears of a mother. Thank you for blogging this journey- though I know it is therapy for you, it is therapy for all of us.
Your girls are beautiful, you are beautiful- inside and out. From one mama to another- you rock. 🙂 Thank you.
I knew that I liked you and your blog weeks ago…but now that I know your list of movies to rent you’re like my bff!
Love them all, love your girls (so sweet), love your story!
With every new picture you post of little Nella, I fall more in love with her. She is already morphing from a new born to an tiny baby! She is really so beautiful.
Great advice from your dad. Don’t miss out on today for fear of the what if’s of tomorrow. As someone told us would you be worrying this much about your other children’s future? Nope. End of stress for us.
Nella will soar far beyond even your expectations and she will continue to amaze you.
Glad you are in a good place.
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Yay for you for not dweling on the might be’s! There are so many great things to come in life. Yes, there will be obstacles, but you just learn from them and enjoy the good times even more!!!
I totlly agree – wierd kids rock!
I found Nella’s birth story linked on another blog, and from the moment I read it, my mind keeps taking me back there, and I find myself saying prayers for you and your family when you come to mind. It’s kind of strange because, really, I don’t even know you, but I’ve prayed more for you than I have for people I do know lately. I just want to say I have followed your journey for the last couple of weeks or so, and I am inspired every time I read your blog. Courage is not found in fearlessness, but in facing our fears . . . especially when we’d rather not. Happiness is not only found when there is an absence of sadness or hardship, but true joy can grow from these very circumstances. I have found true courage and true joy in your words here.
Thank you for sharing.
I can relate. My only sad moments are when I think about Henry’s future . . . his teenage years, adult years . . . but when I stop and look at him now, he’s just like my other boys were at his age. He’s beautiful and alert and happy and sweet. And his brothers adore him. I think they always will.
You’re so NOT fooling yourself. You’re just able to see what is wonderful, and you are able to do it more quickly than some others. I don’t think you need to worry that there will be some day when you hit a wall and realize you didn’t grieve. On the contrary – you’re a step ahead of so many people by being able to talk through your feelings and thoughts and concerns. You realize that blogging can be therapeutic. You’ve shared the raw sadness and grief, and you’ve shared the joys. And we are so fortunate to be able to follow along!
that little piece of art from etsy reminded me of Brian Andreas’s work. He is AMAZING totally offbeat, but oh so cool. Here are some of his quotes that you might like and you can find them with this art online. Enjoy!
Kate E
http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/32114.Brian_Andreas
Bunny pictures make me yearn to have a bunny again. My husband would probably pack up and go live in his car though. He grew up clean up after 200 bunnies so I guess I cant blame him.
I keep hoping to wake up and find SPRING in full swing, this unseasonably cold Florida weather is confusing!
I just wanted to tell you that I really, really enjoy reading your words. I found you with Nella’s birth story and get delighted when your name pops up bold in my google reader. You have such an inspiring spirit about you and, despite hard times, I thought you should know that your life looks beautiful and warm and all things good. Have a good day 🙂
Kelle, smoke that happy pipe all you want. You have plenty to be happy about. Your life is so beautiful and blessed and I can’t even begin to fathom the happiness you feel when you look at those two beautiful girls.
I know you have your fears about Nella’s future but here’s my snippet of advice, if Nella knows love than she’ll thrive just as well as the rest of us. My best friend’s younger brother has DS and is one of the happiest and most kind hearted young men I know in my life. He’s 21 now and holds a steady job, goes to community college and is looking into living on is own. There are days where he knows he’s got challenges more than most, but overall Stephen is an accomplished and strong young man, and he believes that for himself. I credit his ability to thrive so well to his amazing parents that have always challenged him to go above and beyond and they simply have loved him as a precious gem. And that’s exactly what he is and that’s exactly what Nella is.
Much love.
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I related to a lot of your story when my son was born two years ago with Down Syndrome, cried for a day straight and then realized I needed to step up and be the mother he deserved, and I haven’t looked back since. I still get scared of what his future might hold but I just try to live in the moment and when I do it’s easy to realize that he’s just a little boy who likes to climb everything and make a mess of the bathrooms 🙂
I don’t know how anyone could think you are “doing too well”. That’s ridiculous. Seriously. God is amazing and He give grace where grace is needed. He obviously has helped you through this. You are perfectly entitled to being happy and when you are over the hurt, you are over it. No one can judge that. That hurt can decide to come back any time it wants, but as long as you can make it a happy situation for yourself, by golly, do so! You ARE a rock star and you rock it so well. You are an inspiration. People talk. Period.
The fairy pink party sounds fabulous! I SO look forward to having little girls one day (if the one in my belly isn’t):) Your ideas are amazing and they make me want to throw a party anyways!
I can’t wait to see how Lainey’s birthday turns out. My mom threw parties for me like this when I was younger, and let me tell you I loved every minute of them. I still go back and look at the pictures. I am looking for Moose themed articles for my little guys 1st birthday. I can’t wait to break out bank account searching!
And the little socks you have on Nella…beyond precious.
Thanks for sharing the happy pipe this week. I needed some. (c:
Thank you for leaving a note for me. I understood every word of the Holland story even though I am a Dutchy. Beautifully symbolic way to get the message across to your readers! They could have chosen Copenhagen and Paris as well. Holland is just more popular i guess.
When I read your stories I realise that my english is in a very bad shape:(. You use such beautiful words, so well chosen. I can learn so much from you. It is not only the way you write or the way you take pictures, but it is the way of life you choose that I admire. Just being happy with the things you have. You are not smoking anything, you are just happy being yourself. Excepting life and people for what they are. It brings happiness and freedom not only in your life, but also in the life’s of your loved ones around you. And you are really good at that!!! The Birthday party crown is for you this time: Kelle, the Queen of Liberalism!
Thanks for sharing it all…..
Just think of what those people would say if you were all “oh my life is so sad and I can barely get out of bed in the morning, blah blah” . . . just IGNORE the negative! Thank GOD that you can see the good in everything big and SMALL!!!! Just keep on keeping on! And imagine a group of Mommy cheerleaders outside your door cheering “Rock on Rockstar, Rock on!!!” xo
I love The Scarlet Pimpernel! I don’t think I have ever known anyone else who has even seen it. 😀
Love your blog – I am a newlywed and I, like many women, have that sliver of fear that God will give me a child with special needs. Through prayer and the transparent nature of your blog, I know that if God choses me to be the mother of a special needs child, I will not only embrace it, but I will feel blessed.
Thank you for bodly sharing your heart.
Oh I’m excited for a Fairy/Pixie Party! And baby yawns just make me want my little ones to be that size again!! Not sure if you’ll get to it, since you have mini-sessions and the work that comes w/ it to do, but I have an award for you on my blog. xo
I just loved this post. Those photos of the girls and the bunny just made me smile. And I needed to smile this morning. Such sweet little babes you have. It is wonderful how we can find joy so easily in children.
Kelle!!! —
To paraphrase what someone further up the comment section said, some people just have to be party poopers. They’re just envious that you know how to refuse despair. You have looked Despair squarely in the face and said, “No, thank you. I don’t think so.”
You have dignity, you KNOW you know how to do this, and you’ve seized the day. Carpe Diem!
Kelle, you’re my hero. You’re my hero because you have chosen Joy.
You have the most beautiful family I have ever seen! Lainey looks so much like you Kelle, and Nella is.. Well, words can not describe her newborn beauty 🙂 Wish it was spring time here in Norway, but the snow and the cold doesn’t let go.. Well, it’s good to breathe in the fresh cold air too 🙂
Big, cold (but still warm) hug from Norway
I think the way your handling everything is the way you are meant to, I wouldn’t give it a second thought. That is what I am doing. I too had a baby girl at the end of December born with Down Syndrome, I believe her and Nella are just a few weeks a part, and I have another daughter who is four. I have had some of the same feelings and emotions that you have shared on your blog, I just don’t have a great knack for writing, but I truly enjoy your reading your blog. A lot of my friends have said the same, they can’t believe how good I am doing and handling everything. I mean of course your going to have those days and various emotion, but we may have those days and emotions even if we didn’t have a daughter with “down syndrome”. I am just trying to enjoy each moment with my girls, b/c time is flying bye and I don’t want to miss a thing. I will be returning to work in June. I love the pics of your girls, you have a true talent in capturing the moments of life. If I am ever in Naples I would love to have a photo shoot. I live in the midwest (Peoria,IL). Keep doing what your doing, b/c I think it’s just fine. You never know what life has in store for you or your children, it’s best just to enjoy them, that is why we have them 🙂
I’ve been reading your blog for a little over a month now and it’s a joy to read your refreshing honesty.
I heard a song in a movie recently that I’ve become mildly obsessed with 🙂 and was thinking to myself while to driving to work the other day that for some reason it totally made me think of you! And then upon reading your blog, realized the song is playing! (“Dream” by Priscilla Ahn)
Hope you have a wonderful weekend with your beautiful girls and family!
I’m in Holland, too. Celiac disease was discovered in Holland during WW2…and my little babe appears to be heading toward a diagnosis. Thanks again for sharing your life and photos. Snowball is the cutest bunny ever…well….besides Nella of course. 🙂
I worry about the same things… my little girl was born a week after yours, but I also know that she is going to have more love than she could ever imagine.! My little one comes home from the hospital for the first time today. She is 5 weeks old now and I am looking forward to the sweet time with my three kids together! Your girls are adorable and they know you love them! I can see it in their eyes 🙂
Your dad is so smart & awesome! What a cool guy!
I love your pictures, I can’t say it enough, thank you so much for posting because they bring so many smiles to my face 🙂
Your daughters are just beautiful (they’re parents aren’t too bad either) 🙂 🙂 🙂 I love the little outfits you put them in, and yes that baby yawn is absolutely delicious!! Thank you again, for sharing your story with this crazy world.
Keep that Happy Pipe going, you are changing lives – you are changing mine! I was sent the link to Nella’s birth story on a very tough parenting day. I have a son with needs, some days are hard, some are a joy…some I am hopeful, some I am in denial. Ever since I found your blog I have found a new hope. You are making a difference. Nella was born to change lives and it is happening…happening to people you will never meet or know…but it is happening. WOW! Thank you Kelly, Thank you Nella, I hope you know how amazing you are to me!
I love that. “Not helping. Not helping.” That’s such great advice.
My Grandma always says, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”
The unknown is scary, but so far it seems like you’re doing very well. And if you are smoking a happy pipe, I want to share some. Your blog makes me happy, it inspires me. I can’t say I’d be in the same place as you are now if I were in the same situation. I can’t imagine how tough it’s been for you, but also overwhelmingly joyous.
I also love your list of things to do. I’m going to make one, too. Hope you have a great weekend doing mini shoots!
Yay for spring! I love the pastel pics and the cutsie-ness of it all! Bunnies, babies, dainty fairies, pink piggies, red boots, hopscotch and a whimsical spring to-do list…who needs a happy-pipe with all that sunshine around you! (And “bless your beautiful hide” I’ve been dying to watch 7 brides for months now! I think all the way back to when I was pregnant and had a movie-craving to watch it and STILL haven’t! I need to go on amazon right now.) I cannot wait for warm weather as I’m sure it will warm my spirits even more…but your post is a good start. Thanks again for sharing. 🙂
Sorry, Kelle, I spelled your name wrong in my comment above. Thanks again for all you do. You writing, your photos, your life is a blessing to me and my family!
ok.
1- THE SENATOR. YES. more of this.
2- gray and pink are Nellas colors. looks fab in those.
3- Laineys SKIRT the one with the tie on too. Come on. I love. I want it. and the hotpink leggings etc.
and as my friend says who has a champion of a baby boy… “today- he is a baby.”
I just don’t understand people who would comment on the way you feel or should be feeling… that is what is so amazing about your blog -that it is real. I’m soo glad it doesn’t stop you from doing what you do, being so honest and letting the rest of us in… My husband worried about our sons future from the first day he was born, but just as your dad told you, you need to bask in the today, in that beautiful face and the joy that is true reality. Tomorrow will come and we know nothing of it, it’s a story waiting to be told. Nella will always be loved by everyone around her, and isn’t that what matters, knowing your child will be loved and happy no matter what? Those days will always come poking their head into your life and trying to distract you. My way of facing it is to pick up my little one breath him in and know this is real, this is reality… Thank you for letting me be a part of yours : )
haha i was craving seven brides for seven brothers yesterday too! hahah and i’m sorry, but i just can’t help myself…. i have to do this….
“is he in heaven or is he in hell? that damned, elusive pimpernel…”
Bethany…that made my day. Laughed out loud. And now I have to go back and watch it just so I can memorize all those lines again and drive people crazy when I walk around talking like them.
Tisha? Are you out there? If you don’t take the bait on Scarlet Pimpernel, I’ll be utterly disappointed.
OK 2 THINGS (I didnt even finish reading because I am so fired up)
1. How dare ANYONE have an opinion on you choose and the time it takes you to deal/heal from any of life’s tramatic events.
2. Have they read your blog? You are not someone who has taken this at all lightly…um youre still wearing your hospital bracelet!
3. Putting yourself out there obviously opens all kinds of doors to all kinds. You know who you are and we all know inside how we feel in our hearts when we’re being honest, when we’re being self indulgent, when we’re being confrontational just for the sake of it, and when we’re acting with pure integrity. As always Kelle, follow your heart.
4. and finally…why would someone want to take away from Nella the fact that you are opening your heart up to her 100%…why wouldnt someone be thrilled with that? Its weird.
Your dad’s advice is right on…I don’t know where you are spiritually but one set of verses from God’s word helps me….Matthew 6:25-34. God knows about and He cares for the littlest of birds; He knows about and cares for you as well. Verse 34 in my amplified bible reads “So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.” God’s word also speaks that we will all face various trials in our lives, but God is oh so faithful to carry each one of us through those trials into triumph. There is triumph ahead of that you can be assured. I like your blog, it is a way for you to heal through this trial into triumph. Both Lainey & Nella were blessed by God to have you as their Mommy. You keep blogging and posting those beautiful pictures and I will keep praying you through. Hugs
ps I think the fairy theme is a wonderful party theme. love the fairy crowns
Hi Kelle –
My mom sent me a link to Nella’s birth story and I’ve been checking out your blog ever since. My 17 year old sister has Down syndrome (although my parents knew before delivery day!). I felt like today you needed to hear this:
1. My sister is 17. She has Down syndrome. She is in a NORMAL high school and she has NORMAL friends (we don’t like the word ‘normal’ anymore, but here it makes sense).
2. She was never in full blown ‘special ed.’ My parents began mainstreaming her as quickly as they could. They fought and fought and fought but they did it.
3. We live in Jacksonville, FL now, but we used to live in Naples. I know my mom still has connections with people that helped us in Naples – she would love to talk to you if you need any advice.
4. My sister, Cara, was the best thing to ever happen to me. I know Lainey will say this too when she’s old enough to understand. Cara opened my eyes to a whole new world. She accomplished everything the baby books say a ‘normal’ child will do, she just did it in her own time. She was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, and because of her ‘disability’ we were able to enjoy her ‘babihood’ a few months longer.
5. Cara turns 18 in June. She plays in a basketball and soccer league. She makes herself breakfast and packs her lunches for school. She’s going to Junior Prom in April. She interviewed for a job at Publix. When my parents are no longer able to watch out for her she will come to live with me and my husband – but according to her she’s moving to NYC and one day she’ll live next door to the Jonas brothers. Cara is almost too normal – she’s almost too much of a teenager right now. I know she wouldn’t choose this life for herself, but she’s making the most of it everyday. She’s happy. And for every small thing that she struggles through, she succeeds, in her own time, and myself and everyone that’s ever met her is a better person because she was born.
Thank you for your story, and for your honesty. Please feel free to email me if you need anything – pictures of my sister succeeding in life, convos with my mom about our days in Naples, anything at all. We’re praying for you and yours.
~Lael
lreinstatler@gmail.com
We ordered tulips from Holland for our wedding and they put a hold on our atm card! “Suspicious activity in Holland.” But I say DO IT! :o)
I’ve been following your blog since very soon after Nella’s birth story was posted and the links started circling the internet. Your family is beautiful and you are truly amazing.
Kelle & Co.
Your posts are so beautiful and amazing! I read your blog at the end of each workday, glued to my computer screen. You have reminded me to keep my positive spirits up, to enjoy the small things in life, to cut my bangs!, to add more Ingrid Michaelson to my playlist, and to embrace my free-flowing spirit when all else gets chaotic.
Please, please, please start a Kelle Hampton Photography fan page on Facebook! I know I would join, and I bet hundreds of others would too! Your beautiful photos and outlook should be spread to the world!
Lots of love from California,
~Emily
happy spring is here…..feel like it was yesterday we were talking about lainey’s ladybug party and sammy’s cupcake party. time flies when you’re having fun! loving nella’s shadow box you hung. beautiful pictures as always kel!! xo
You inspired me to make a Spring To Do List! Thanks, I needed the kick in the butt for that. Spring is literally around the corner!!
Oh my goodness – beautiful girl, beautiful baby, beautiful bunny!
It’s funny others had those comments, I thought you were very honest about what you’re going through – more than I was a month in. But as I thought of this posting, I thought of what Randy Pausch said in his lecture about life – you can be a Tigger or an Eeyore. You get a lot more smiles when you’re a Tigger, and a lot more friends. I try to be a Tigger too… it’s GOOD for our daughters because it puts people at ease around them and us and people sometimes need us to take the lead. It gets tiring sometimes, but it’s necessary.
But, seriously, anyone who is a mom has to know that you can’t just bounce happily around ALL the time…it sounds like you have some great people to talk to during the sadder times and that’s important. Your dad sounds so wise.
It’s funny b/c I worry about the unknown too and it’s strange b/c I don’t start to worry about what my son (who doesn’t have DS) would do if he got Alzheimer’s and who would take care of him, but I worry about the same things in terms of my child who has DS.
But whenever I get in that scared place I just say to myself, “What’s happening now? What’s happening now?” and I see my beautiful girl playing with her books and pointing out pictures and blowing kisses and smiling and trying to sing “skinna ma rink” (She only knows the “I” part from “I love you”, but it’s a start and she points to herself as she sings it).
How could I not be happy for much of the time?
Keep doing what you do – you’re absolutely inspiring.
A fellow mom with a little Dutch girl 😉
I cannot wait to see what you have in store for Easter decorating!! Those little bunnys are going to need some bunny ears!
I cannot wait to see what you have in store for Easter decorating!! Those little bunnys are going to need some bunny ears!
I already commented but I also meant to say how much I love your daughters’ outfits. The combinations of skirts/shirts and such are so cute and different!! LOVE IT! oh and I think your mom should sell her knits, they are darling!
You are living your life’s story, day by day, doing what gets you through, what works for you and your loved ones and that’s all that really matters. 🙂
Every time I feel fear coming to visit me, I hold my head high. I look it in the eye, and say, “I’m stronger and bigger than you” and little by little I start feeling powerful and “know” I’m going to be okay.
You are going to be okay, Kelle. Your Nella is going to be okay. Life’s challenges may show you things about yourself, you didn’t even know you had in you, but everything you see through your news lenses was already there. You are finding you way. Remember, you are a warrior of the heart. You are Lainey’s and Nellas’s warrior. You will get through anything~
“The difficult challenges are invitations to open ourselves to the sacred play of the known and the unknown, the seen and the unseen, and to the larger powers born out of intimate contact with the great mysteries of life.” J.Welwood
Hi Kelle,
I haven’t read all the comments so I don’t know if I am repeating what others said but don’t forget that you ARE still mourning the life you have envisioned…even though you wouldn’t trade Nella for all the stars in the sky. That thought process does not go away easily…but the way you chose to deal is entirely up to you, and you have chosen to deal like most of us wouldn’t be able to. I read some of those other boards and had to fight myself not to go and defend you like we’re long time friends and those people just didn’t get it…but you’re right, to some in this situation was a very different story…so I say…you don’t need to explain why you deal with it like you do…instead plug in and recharge where ever you can from anyone you can. You ARE a rockstar remember??
On another note…how cute is scruffy Brett with Lainey? So so precious! Nella is getting so big, I cannot believe the transformation already…her little rocky horse is too cute for words! Love you, love your style…keep rockin it!
Aggie <><
Im not sure if you’ll end up reading this post or not since you have so many!! 🙂 All I can say is smoke that happy pipe as much as you want!! To be honest the day Sam was born and we found out he had DS I cried and cried and cried and cried in the Hospital. I was so scared, I felt like it was all a dream, I couldn’t pull myself up from the water I was drowning in. Then I woke up the morning we were being discharged and I was okay with everything. Yes, there are still things that make me cry or make me sad or worry and stress me out and fears that I still have but overall, I am okay with everything. My Mom always told me you can either lay down and die or get up and move on with your life and that I what we are doing is moving on, being okay with everything. We are allowing ourselves to be sad when we feel sad but if we feel okay then nobody can tell us we are in the wrong or doing wrong. You go girl!!! Embrace the okayness of everything and live life to the fullest and when you feel sad then feel sad and then it will pass. I love your blog and your beautiful pictures!!!!
Your blog is my whole new “Happy Pipe”. You help me to look at things in a whole new light- and cherish the things I take for granted.
I also appreciate the fact that you are so real and raw with your emotions- so rare these days and yet so refreshing.
Kiss those beautiful girls- and keep the beautiful raw emotion coming.
I love your happy pipe! It’s the only way to go, in my opinion. Why NOT be joyful? And I love your list. 7 Brides for 7 Bros. is one of my all-time favorites and I know all the lines, too. Because my hubby loves me, it was the first DVD we owned when we bought the DVD player years ago. Also, my kids love Singing in the Rain. We all do. The movie and doing it in real life. Thanks again for your transparency. Your life is beautiful!
I’ve wondered how you’d feel about the ruckus we’ve all made over you and your beautiful little one. Of course, it is because in so many ways, for so many of us, your story is similar to our own story.
As for that darn future…I thought I’d share this with you – they are words I try to live by…
—————————–
Worry is not concern which would motivate you to do everything possible in a given situation.
Worry is a useless mulling over of things we cannot change.
Seldom do you worry about the present moment; the present moment is usually all right. When you worry, you either agonize about the past, which you should have forgotten long ago; or you agonize about the future, which hasn’t even come yet.
The tendency is to skim right over the present time. Since the present time is the only time you can live, if you don’t live it, you’ll never get around to living at all.
If you live in the present moment, you tend not to worry.
-Peace Pilgrim
Just wanted to say that I love your blog, your photography, and your two gorgeous girls! 🙂
If you are smoking a happy pipe, you certainly are sharing it.
I have 5 children, The oldest two have aspergers and adhd. I was given a copy of welcome to Holland when Charlie was 2, he is now 12 and we have hard days and good days. Reading welcome to Holland always makes me cry, I feel bad for hating the bad bits I can not change. I feel ungrateful for feeling the way I do some days and not looking at how good things can be.
I was shown your blog by a mama on our forum (naturalmamas.co.uk)and have read it through over and over. Your love is infectious, your girls are beautiful.
I looked at my stroppy tantruming pre teen and felt real pride and love. I’m getting some tulips tonight from the supermarket and I am going to count every blessing that I have over and over.
Thank you for sharing your journey and welcome to little Nella.
My sister sent me a link to Nella’s birth story about a week ago and I really feel like it changed me. Your words were so raw and inspiring–thank you so much for sharing the journey! I have a girl who is almost two and I’m 16 weeks along in my second pregnancy so much of what you said struck home with great intensity.
I have always felt that families with a child who has special needs either go one of two ways… Either their hearts are hardened, they become cold and bitter and the struggle tears them apart OR their hearts open with immeasurable love and they are the most close knit, tender, amazing people I have ever known. It is abundantly clear that your family has chosen the path of the latter.
You and your girls are beautiful! Take care and I wish you all the very best!
p.s. 7 Brides for 7 Brothers just might be my favorite musical of all time. “Bless her beautiful hide, wherever she may be!” Awesome.
The fairy party is a great idea. So beautiful for a lovely little girl. For some more ideas, check out Stephanie’s blog about her recent Woodland Fairy party she gave for her little girl.
I couldn’t leave the link…let me try again. http://www.stephmodo.com/2010/01/woodland-fairy-party.html
Your blog is so touching and inspiring – You are an angel of a mom with a wonderful family full of LOVE!! Thank you for sharing with us – You are AWESOME! Rock on Sister!
,,,spring has almost sprung,,,get ready for all things beautiful,,,the “pink” party is evolving into something very “pink”,,,lainey will be tickled “pink” and her “pink” fairy friends will relish in the “pink” party and being a guest of lainey “fairy guest of honor pink”! and one must not forget nella who will be the prettiest of pretty “pink” fairies,,,nella shall also enjoy the fairy “pink” party as her lovely eyes take in all things “pink” as she sits gazing at the other “pink” fairies delighting in the special ocassion from her very special “pink” pram adorned in all things “pink”. have a wonderful spring and a delightful “pink” day!
I am counting down the hours till my children are photographed by you at your mini shoot, and I can hug your neck and tell you God’s plan is an amazing one! I’ve cried with you as I’ve read your blog and you’ve touched my heart. You are an amazing communicator, photographer, and momma. I love that. I want you to know that I pray for you often as you and your family have touched my heart. God Bless you!
I’m another of the many who found your blog because of a facebook link to Nella’s birth story. I wasn’t planning to comment until I had re-read everything, and even then I’m just not the type to leave comments on personal blogs of people I don’t know at all. I’ve been going back, reading for awhile. I won’t take time to say all that I’d really like to at this point, except today I was reminded again of what draws me in…of why I must feel you are a kindred spirit. (and yes, even that terminology gives me away) I would love to have the Anne movies on my to-do list, but even more The Scarlet Pimpernel. We watched it in 8th grade history class, and I LOVED it. Became totally enthralled in it for weeks later, maybe months. And have always secretly wanted to see it again. And have NEVER met anyone in real life (or virtual life) who would have it on their to-do list. (or even acknowledge wanting to watch an 8th grade history class movie for recreation) Blessings – and I hope you do it.
We LOVE 7Brides for 7Brothers! My children will suddenly burst forth in song or lines at any given moment!
Every time I read your blog I cry “my heart is too full” tears!
It’s great seeing everyone doing so well and you being honest in how this is all evolving for you. I think Lainey and Nella will cherish that down the road. And had to post because you are one of the first people I’ve seen post about some of my favorite movies, including You Can’t Take It With You! Love that film. Also like People Will Talk.
Love your poasts
We know that happiness is experienced when our life goes according to our plans. Happiness can also be experienced when life doesn’t go according to our plans. You’re doing that; it can be done; it is possible. You’ve chosen to not only survive, but to LIVE and live FULLY. When our life changes because something happened that we totally didn’t plan on, we can still experience joy, regardless.I have a disability. It took me awhile to get over my imperfection, but I too have a life to live. Quality of life can be attained even in what the world sees as imperfection. What other people think or do or say is truly their problem. Because life is short. And it is meant to be savored and savored fully.
your little girl is a sweet blessing. joy. God entrusted her precious soul into your arms…it speaks volumes about who you are. your family is lovely. enjoy the weekend.
I love your blog! I cry every time I read it. Your girls are beautiful beyond words. My girlfriend and I had a play date the other day and we said, “oh, we would love to have a nella…she makes us feel God’s love!”
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us readers. You are a beautiful Mom!
Jacque
I just wanted to say that I found your blog through a link for your birth story post of Nella on another site I regularly read. I was instantly hooked by your raw honesty and love. I am also inspired by what a seize-the-moment mom you are. I haven’t commented yet, but wanted to tell you that the line in Nella’s birth story that is still in my head was when you looked at her and it was as if she was saying “love me, even though I’m not what you expected…love me.” I have a 2 month old and have been having a bit of post partum depression I guess you could say, and that just touched me so much!! Thanks for sharing.
I remember people being so surprised because i wrapped my head around things quickly but it is just who I am and I had this beautiful baby to love! I wrote this in an email to family and friends just 2 months after Ian was born:
“While this is a journey that I never imagined we’d be on, now I just cannot imagine my life without our sweet Ian. He has given us an incredible perspective on life and has made me a profoundly different person than I was just 2 months ago. He has given me the gift of living in the moment. I notice beautiful things that I had not noticed before. A few weeks ago, I was giving Joey a bath and noticed how big, beautiful, brown and round his eyes had become and how they are framed by the most beautiful, long eye lashes. How could I not have noticed that before? How could I have not noticed how beautiful they are? Then one day, shortly after Ian was home, we decided to go to the farmer’s market. When we got there, both boys had fallen asleep so I hopped out to get what we needed. It had rained that morning and was still raining a bit. As I walked in my flip flops, I felt the cool rain on my feet and it felt just glorious. Just a few weeks before, I would have been annoyed that my feet were getting wet and that I had bits of gravel between my toes. Then Ian and I were in the grocery store one day while Joey was in school and I noticed an ironic song playing, Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful”… “I am beautiful no matter what they say, words can’t bring me down, I am beautiful in every single way.” I got choked up looking at my sweet boy. I can’t even remember the last time I even noticed what song was playing on the grocery store. Ian has given me the gift of living, not just being alive and going through the motions. I just don’t take anything for granted anymore.”
I live in the present and soak up the gifts of today. And, Kelle, wait until the smiles start and she really starts unfolding herself! Ian has the biggest smile and radiates joy. He gives these delightful open-mouthed baby kisses (and now I feel those cute 2 bottom teeth when he kisses me :). I know in my heart that he was meant to be, that he was always meant to be mine. And I realized that I have lost nothing — I got this sweet spirit, Ian… he is who he was always meant to be.
I remember thinking, as my 15 week old Ian lay in the pediatric ICU sedated and on a ventilator after his open heart surgery, that I just wanted him home, in my arms. I just wanted HIM. Then I looked around at the other kids in the ICU who were “normal” and life changed in an instant. I knew at that moment that I controlled nothing that happened in my life, just how I reacted to things.
I thank God every day for this sweet gift of a baby. I have lived more in the one year that I’ve had him than in the 33 before. Life is a gift, today is a gift.
And wait until she smiles at you for the first time… your heart will swell greater than you can imagine. You’ll see!
If you’d like to see a photo of my sweet boys, send me an email or maybe you could post yours.
Here’s to the gift of today!
Laura (laurafeiler@hotmail.com)
Your favorite movies are some of my favorite movies! Do you watch the Scarlet Pimpernel with Jane Seymore? Good times.
First I have to congratulate you and your family on your very beautiful daughter Nella! I too have a beautiful daughter with Ds, Kate will be 3 in a few weeks! Kate is the most wonderful smart girl and I thank God for her everyday….I wouldn’t want her any other way…if I did, she wouldn’t be Kate. I know my husband and I are not the only ones out there who NEVER (honest!) felt sad or disappointed when our Kate was born. One look into her beautiful eyes and we were hooked! Maybe it is our strong faith in God…that took that fear and anxiety away that so many parents experience with their Ds children..I’m not sure. I do not judge other parents who feel differently, I just know that in their own time they too will be smitten with their child and will not continue to wish they went to Italy instead of Holland. (I too really like that poem, but hate the ending!)
We have a friend who is in her 30’s, she has Ds…..holds down a job, and owns her own house, and lives there by herself with her cat and dog! How cool is that??! Continue loving that little baby of yours, give her every opportunity available and she will run with it and amaze you every day!
Kelle, I love passing by here often – now. I think had it been two years ago – I would not have been able to. You are right – we all take different journies. I don’t think I could have related to your experience and support from family and friends. I didn’t have that. I wanted it desparately – but it was not for me at the time.
Two years later I am surrounded by friends who support me and love my family. Now I happily pass by and visit with you and your life and feel healing arise in my spirit.
I’m still finding my way and am glad to have met you.
Keep smoking – I know I’ll be joining you someday.
May God continue to bless your hands as you work is beautiful.
Bye….
Windmills and Tulips
I smoke the Kellie Hampton blog pipe and it totally works for me:)
When I first heard about and read Nella’s birth story, I thought I might wind of being a fly-by reader, but your blog — YOU, Kelle — have completely overwhelmed and sucked me in.
You, in a world, ROCK.
I love your blog, it’s like my morning cup of coffee, an addiction that makes me happy!
You are doing exactly what YOU need to do. Anyone who has been reading your blog for a while knows that this is how you operate. We all have to make our own happiness and sometimes that is not easy. The Happy Pipe is much better than the alternative.
Thank you for posting the info about Lainey’s party. As a Mom of two little girls I am all about bringing back the backyard birthday party! It seems like everyone does all of these fancy location parties and I think the backyard bash is the best! I cannot wait to see the results and I must know more about glitter icing 🙂
My friend posted about Nella’s birth story today. I think that people keep talking about it because it’s one of the most raw, honest, beautifully written birth stories any of us has ever seen. I was captivated by it. However, your words since have had the same affect.
I think it sucks if people are judging you for it though. Sigh. No one knows how they’d react in your shoes. I surely don’t. What I do know, is that I’m in the process of getting divorced after 11 years of marriage, to my high school sweetheart, who after 16 years together, no longer loves me. I have three kids, 8 and under. I call my mom sometimes and say pretty much what you said to you dad. That I’m worried about tomorrow. How can I function tomorrow, when I’m barely making it today? How my kids are going to be damaged?
Not about the same thing, but still, I think it’s normal. No one should tell you how to deal with the new changes in your life. Good moments, bad moments, whatever.
I love and your dad! You are so blessed to have him.
I read your story from the birth story onwards and I cried when I read your birth story not because I thought it was a terrible thing that happened to you but because it was so human and honest and beautiful. I truly believe Nella is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen, I think she is stunning actually. And her facial expressions are so rich and varied I think you will be very surprised by her. I know you fear her limitations, and while there may be some, I think you can tell already by her little face and the incredible sparkle and depth in her eyes that she will be bright and achieve amazing things. I am not just saying all this because I am empathic or because I think she is gorgeous for a baby with ds…I think she is truly a beauty and is going to have a wicked personality.
I also wonder if many of your feelings are part of being a mom for the second time too. I just had my second daughter, she is 4 months old now, and I love her to bits and pieces and thing she is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, but to be honest, for the first two months I was so conflicted about dividing my love and energy between my toddler and her, coupled with no sleep, that I had a very negative outlook towards her that I feel guilty about to this day. It physically pains me that I felt dissapointment with how she was, what she looked like, all that for the first two months of her life. I am ashamed of it but I think alot of that comes from learning to love a little face different than that of our adored firstborns, of learning to love a smell, habits, a new life that is different from our first big love (daughter 1). And maybe many moms experience alot of those emotions when having subsequent children, I dont know. But while the down syndrome diagnosis is obviously shocking and painful and an enormous departure from what you imagine, I wonder if some of your feelings are normal mom to a second baby feelings to. Anyways, I dont now exactly why I’m sharing all these thoughts with you, except maybe to say that i related to some of your feelings and the time it took for your love to grow for Nella with my second daughter (oldest daughter is also a scrumptious 2 year old) even though my baby daughters does not have ds.
Anyways, Nella is so beautiful and hysterically funny with her expressions and she is going to be a breathtaking, fabulous little girl.
i have to remind myself every now and then to let Caleb’s other chromosomes have a say too. Sometimes I let that extra 21st one talk too much. That’s when fears creep in. For instance, I went to the grocery store by myself the other day ( a luxury). As I was walking in, I noticed a mom shopping with her teenage daughter and I noticed right away that she had Ds. I, of course, watched them the whole time. Then I asked myself, “Do I look at other mothers with their kids and wonder if that’s what it’s going to be like with my other children?” He’s entitled to his uniqueness and that sometimes helps with the fears about 18 and 35, but I still have nights that I worry.
By the way, I think I stumbled upon one of the blog posts you were talking about. I shouldn’t say stumbled because the author is someone well-known in the Ds community and I follow her blog. Anyway, I’m glad you said you weren’t offended because I think she was saying you are amazing and she only wished she could’ve been more like you. I read the piece and started to read the comments and saw you left one. My first thought was, “That must be so strange for her. She has close to 2000 followers and she’s a rockstar and now people are blogging about her.” I don’t know about any other posts but I thought this one was lifting you up not being critical.
by the way … package put in yhe mail today … on the sameday we went to our paper store for the perfect papers for 2 upcoming birthday bashes. which led to multiple requests for lainey’s attendance.
too bad florida is almost a world away from minnesota. it would be fun.
I absolutely love reading your blog. You are so real and strong and in love with your girls…it shines through every word you write. Your pictures of your daughters are beautiful and I love your pipe smokin attitude. It inspires me and makes me want to be a better mom and person. Keep doing what you’re doing–those girls are so lucky to have you as their mama.
I love the happy pipe!
That picture of Nella’s little legwarmered leg kicking up is SO cute – my favorite!
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I remember when my Sam was born (he has DS too) and I worried a great deal about his future and was in store for him. I was particularly fearful of the teen years.
Then one day I was holding this little baby in my arms and I realized how silly it was. I was obsessed with how kids in high school were going to treat him, and he wasn’t even a year old. So I decided I was going to knock it off. I decided to plan what I could (estate planning etc.) and then just let life unfold. Turns out that was the best decision I ever made.
Fast forward 16 years to a polite, helpful, feisty, stubborn, hilarious, teenager who, by the way, is beloved in his high school. BELOVED. (He is an assistant trainer on the football team every fall, this year he is throwing shotput on the track team, doors have opened for him unlike anything I ever believed was possible). So the moral of the story is that I am glad I didn’t waste too much time with worry. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about after all. As a matter of fact, things are a million times better than I ever imagined they could be.
The future holds GREAT things 🙂
So now when the worries try to creep in I just push them out of my mind. I refuse to waste a minute of today worried about tomorrow. I have faith that with proper effort and planning everything will turn out ok. Besides, we have come this far, I suspect the best is yet to come.
So my advice, not that you asked for it, is to enjoy each day as it comes. Also, I bet you’ll be surprised by what a beautiful place the future is. Personally, I can hardly wait to see what comes next.
My two cents. 😉
you bring me perspective and gratitude. for that, thank you times 10. it is such a great gift, my friend.
it is here that you are living and writing your story – what a beautiful one it is.
the world is your play ground; just keep on embracing the bumps and bruises that you get along the way.
for your honesty, your outlook, your sharing…keep it coming in full force.
Kelle,
How strange it must be for you to have people say they “love” you or think they “know” you, your kids, Brett and your dad.
I read your posts and I too am addicted to your blog and I too WISH I lived in Florida (so you can take pictures of my girls and because you are a girls girl and I’m a girls girl and I think we would be fast friends.
Here’s what I really want to say..
I admire your strengh. I admire your creativity. I admire the way you are honest with yourself. I admire the way you parent. I admire the way you can say what a lot of us feel.
You are beautiful inside and out and I’m not sure you really know it! (I hope that you do)
I do not have a special needs child but at 41 years old with two year old twin girls I have my own challenges, my own fears and my own issues.
I feel that all of as as mothers have a very common bond, an understanding of each other, as women, as daughters and as mothers and because of this I can feel your pain and your happiness.
Thank you for sharing with all of us strangers all that you share, we are theraputic for you but at the same time you are theraputic for us.
You hang in there, keep loving your girls the way that you do and love yourself along the way.
You are an inspiration and I cannot wait to read your book!!
Well, hmmm… my comment didn’t go through. Anyway the gist of it was:
The future holds great things. Don’t worry. 🙂
Things have turned out so wonderfully for my Sam I can hardly wait to see what comes next. I bet you’ll find the same to be true too.
Nearly two years ago my husband and I brought home the most amazing 5.5 year old to be in our forever family. We made the decision with our hearts, but then reality set in. Is it fair to give the burden to our homegrown angel to take care of her sister when we were gone? Was is fair to always have her drive her sister to school, take her to football games… I’m a mom, and a planner, I worried. But my sweet spicy dragon (she has Spina Bifida, no feeling from the knee down) makes all those fears seem silly. No one else gets to decide quality of life for you. My little one lives life BIG! Now there are times I get teary eyed that she will not get to wear sandals to the beach (she can’t walk without leg braces) or that she will want a full length prom dress to cover her AFOs, but I can’t worry about tomorrow. I only get one chance at this mom thing and I don’t have time to get bogged down with the worries about tomorrow. Your little blog makes me smile!
Every time I read you I am inspired. thank you.
I just wanted to say that your girls are absolutely perfect. And the picture of Nella smiling in her strawberry outfit makes me go gooey inside =]. You are a phenomenal photographer, I’m sure the pictures you take will be amazing to look at when thy are older =].
Keep strong, you’re the best mama your girls could ever have, never forget that.
xxxxx
It’s so ironic that you wrote about this, but of course you did because it’s all part of your story…but I wrote about it, too. You’ve really inspired me to look back while looking forward. It’s a good thing and I needed it.
I hope that you’ll check it out my post when you have a free moment. It felt awkward to talk about you because I don’t know you and I know you didn’t ask for all of this, but what I’ve seen here has brought up some things in me that I simply couldn’t address without giving you some credit for the revelation.
So. Thank you.
kelle i really do not know where to begin. I came across your blog a few days ago and have been in awe. I am a aspiring photographer and i LOVE your pics!!! Honestly though what i love best is your story and everyone in it. If that makes any sense. I can’t pretend to understand what you are going through. But girl i have been through alot of tough times and your attitude and humor and heart is unlike any other. You inspire me to just be….better. I want children so badly and seeing you with your beautiful angels inspires me to be a great mama just like you! Keep on keep on going. You are a rockstar after all!
First, be you..happy-pipe in hand and all…we all love you!
Second, Lainey is my hero! I love the quirks!
Thirdly, Nella and her leg kick, how couldn’t you love that!? Not to mention she has some gorgeous eyes!!!
Last, and I want to emphasize this fact, you have inspired me to take daily photos of my child (once she’s here, I’m 6 months pregnant) and keep them either blogged or journaled! I love seeing your girls grow each day and I can’t wait to have the same! Not to mention, you’ve also inspired me to invest in a very good photographers camera…a starter digital SLR…which I’m overly excited about!! So, THANK YOU..thank you for being you! 🙂
You are amazing… Your strength, your love, your energe and creativity are so inspiring…
Thank you for sharing..
I’m so glad I found your blog from DesignMom. Three things: I love the paragraph about “Go Big or Go Home” and need to be better about that in my own life; I LOVE LOVE the way you dress your girls; my daughter makes up weird names too like Flossa or Neeka or Seiko.
I’m also inspired by that memory box idea, I have all that stuff (hat, bracelet, etc) for my three year old and my four month old and think that is a great idea to display instead of the box it currently is in. Thanks for the idea! 🙂
please don’t read those discussion boards/forums. they don’t deserve to be read by you. you don’t deserve to be assaulted by random comments entered in by people who have no understanding. You aren’t smoking a “happy pipe”. as a matter of fact, i find it offensive people have accused you of doing so. really what has happened here, is that you were given a gift. the gift of nella has shown you the TRUTH. Many people live their whole lives not really seeing. now you see what is real and true. it is LOVE. the love you have in certain moments with your daughters. That is what life is about. life is NOT about having the best, fastest, smartest, prettiest, etc… for what? to win the race? to get the prize? is that what creates happiness for our children? no, it is to love. it is to feel love. Your girls will have this! how lucky they are that they have a mom who knows the truth and who will pass it on to them. I am so happy for you that you know what you have in these girls and can appreciate it. you are amazing!
I love your blog and your baby so much. And your three year old too. She could not be cuter.
Each time I come here I cry. Cry happy tears because I know that Jesus picked just the perfect family for Nella. He looked down on all the world and all the families and said, “I think they need her.” and He sent her to you.
I love your pictures. I hope your shoots go well. Thank you for being an inspiration to me. And to so many others.
I’ve been following your blog since the day after you posted Nella’s birth story. I thought I’d just comment and say hello. And tell you that, well I’m not sure what I want to say. Just Thank You, following this journey has been a blessing to me.
-Hannah
This is my first time commenting on your blog. I was directed here from another blog a couple weeks ago (to Nella’s birth story.) I can’t get enough of your stories or photos. 🙂 I really enjoy reading your blog – thank you for sharing. I think your attitude towards Nella’s situation is beautiful and inspiring. I hope I would react in the same way.
By the way, there is a children’s book called “Fairy Houses” by Tracy Kane that you and Lainey might enjoy. You seem to like imagining and nature and this fits your party theme.
Again, thanks for sharing your story 🙂
I’ve never met anyone else who loved 7 brides for 7 brothers besides me & mom!
I love rain! I love all weather – wind, rain, sunshine, snow, it is all very therapeutic.
IMhumbleO, I think you’re raw and real. I dont think you are too happy, too over it, too anything, you are sharing yourself and how you are dealing. You had this life changing experience and you are sharing it. And I’m sure you’ll share the brick walls as well as the happy days. And since you love/like? (this is me assuming from the link to the print)rain, you’ll relish the brick walls, b/c it makes you appreciate the sunshine even more.
(I had left an anonymous comment previously about myself having 4 kids and trying to find balance and letting them be there for each other when you cant. and not that it was a profound comment, but that i know you read your comments and can tell that you are the kind of person that wants to know your readers. my blogs are SADLY neglected.)
Kelle,
Lainey will always be there for her sister…even when you are gone and even if she didn’t have DS. She has 2 brothers that will love her and make sure she’s cared for too. Your little angel has a wonderful life ahead of her.
Can’t wait to see little Lainey and Nella as Fairy Princesses. When they get older, the 2 of them will be like my kids are with their siblings on a birthday. Mine all sit right next to the “birthday sibling” during the cake time, and they are the ones singing “Happy Birthday” the loudest of all the other guests! 🙂
PS. Tulips have always been my favorite flower. They are gorgeous! If you ever get the chance to visit the West Coast, (where my husband’s family is from,) there are tulip fields in Oregon and Washington state that will take your breath away to drive by them! 🙂
Love your blog and we have good friends who live in Palm Beach. The next time we take a trip from South Carolina to visit them, I might just have to see if you could help me arrange a photo session for our family. You have a gift of catching the true light in the people you photograph.
Love from SC,
Angela
seriously who do those people think they are. we all smoke a happy pipe of one sort or another. they just don’t like that your pipe might be just a little better than theirs. You go girl. You’re girls are adorable and if your confidence upsets them – TO HELL WITH THEM.
On another note – aren’t Dad’s wonderful. Always there with the right words. You’re a lucky girl. But I am too. My dad and me are good friends.
the only way for me to put into words how I feel when I read your blogs is to say one word… “Amazed”
you are truely amazing and I love reading about you and your beautiful family.
If it’s worth anything to you, the moment I gave up control and made a commitment before God to not think about Lark’s (my daughter) future, is the moment I really began to live. I had to die to my self in order to really live. I like to say “I am dying to live.” And the moment I started living is the moment I felt truly free to dance. I have also been one to live life fully, but it’s even fuller now that I put my trust in God and dance for the day and not try to dance my mind and heart into the future. I also know that I serve a great big God and He is cooking up something good for my little super chick. You go and enjoy the dance of today and live it loud. I’ll be boogieing up here in Michigan along with you.
I love her hopscotch outfit. Your girls are amazing, life will be wonderful for them.
People can say what they want to on any message board out there, but the simple fact is that you are doing the best you can do in life for yourself and your family and you happen to be inspiring a lot of people along the way! I can’t tell you how many smiles your pictures and outlook on life have brought to me.
Oh, and my soon to be 3 year old says, “Dat baby girl is boodiful and she has a nice, pwetty big sister.” I asked how she knew the big sister was nice and she said because she smiles like a nice big sister. Rylee should know, she has 2 very nice big sisters:)
Ahhh, a woman after my own heart. Love Gene Kelly. Love Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and love Anne of Green Gables.
I also love that you had the guts to read about yourself on other sites, which I imagine is akin to celebrities googling themselves. I am sure you read some hurtful things, and good for you for taking it in stride. Thanks for continuing to update. I look always look forward to new posts!
Oh, and SUPER cute idea on the fairy houses!! I might have to steal that for my daughter sometime 😉
Nella is so beautiful. I have a 7month old and wish I had the pictures of him you have of her. She seems so content
Nella is so beautiful. I have a 7month old and wish I had the pictures of him you have of her. She seems so content
I love your blog and your photo’s. I thought your birth story was very touching. I’m still trying to conceive our first child…7 years now and are moving to IVF, I only hope to experience the wonderful gift of life just as you have. Your daughters are so beautiful. You are such a strong woman and I really admire you. Thank you for sharing your story, thoughts, and feelings with us.
Absolutely love all of your photos! And I enjoy reading your beautiful story!
Thank you for sharing it!
http://ourimperfectlife.blogspot.com/
i was wondering where you got the boxes that you put there hospital things in?? that is such a neat idea and i have been wanting to something like that for my sons room… thanks heather…..
Kelle- I guess I am officially a follower of your blog…my first ever. And here I am commenting twice. There are so many things I want to respond about, so be glad that I am commenting from my iPhone. 🙂 In the hospital, after our Mylie was born, I felt I had to figure out her whole entire life before I could take her home. All the questions, all the worries flooding through my mind were paralizing. And then I had to flee. I had to get out of that place and rescue her (and myself) from all the doctors and nurses who kept looking at us through those “I-feel-so-bad-for-you-eyes.” My protective mother bear claws began to emerge (and they have come out many times since). It was when we arrived at home that everything changed for me almost instantly. I had a God moment. As I carried my new baby through the threshhold of our home, I felt something like a hand on my shoulder and heard the words “Everything is going to be ok.” There was no one there…who I could see, but it has been. Mylie is the most spirited 7 year old girl, who is often more typical than I’d like her to be. She drives her 3 brothers crazy one minute, and is their favorite person the next. She is attending a regular kindergarten class (admittedly it is her second year, but who doesn’t want to do kindergarten twice???), sounding out words, playing soccer on a regular team, and she has a ton of friends. There have been challenges every step of the way, but they make each of her accomplishments all the more sweet. Ok. My thumbs are tired, but I just want to tell you: “Everything will be ok. You will have exactly what you need for her (and you) when you need it. Trust yourself. 🙂
So I had to comment. The judgemental ones make me so angry! I have read your entire blog and every comment in an immediate protective way over you… And I knew that there would be one insensitive person who had the nerve to be rude… And I was so happy to see your post and see your strength, because you are an inspiration to all mothers for your love, attitude, humility, openness, honesty… I could go on. Your words were prophetic, as if you knew deep down inside that you were going to be challenged in your thirties… And I believe that we are destined to go down a certain path, none of us knows what awaits us… Or our children…. But we are never given more then we can handle. May your words and pictures continue to open the hearts and minds of people everywhere so that we as a society can stop judging each other and live happily… Kelle and Nella… You have already contributed to society in a way, in a short time, more then others do in a lifetime 🙂
I adore Anne of green gables!!! I could watched them 1,000 times!! I also love your blog… you seem like such a beautiful person 🙂
Your daughters are beautiful. I, too, have a daughter with Down syndrome. She is 8, and is a fairy princess that loves to bake cupcakes, and have tea parties, and play freeze tag. Although nobody else did, I knew the very moment I laid eyes on her that she was special. Our stories are very similar, and I just want to say to you that my life is not the life I planned, but it is the life I want. My daughter has changed me completely. Your pain and fears are valid. So is your joy. You are going to celebrate life like you never thought you would, for even the tiniest moments will now be miracles. You’re brave, and your family is beautiful.
I love your blog and look at it every day. You are an inspiration to so many. You lost some dreams for your Nella when she was born, but she will fill in the spaces and bring you to places you would have gone to in no other way. She is a special gift. These children remain childlike and pure all of their lives. They learn to do MANY things. She may surprise you with how well she can take care of herself as an adult. Good thing she has you and your love to help her blossom and grow and achieve all that she can. Many mothers have to give up dreams for their child….because they grow up and make bad decisions with their lives. Dreams for our children are lost in a miriad of ways. Compared to some of those…this one is not so bad afterall. So many others need your guidance through this trial. you are a fabulous mentor to many. Keep up the good work. congrats on your precious little beauty. love, from another CM Karren
I have been reading your blog for a few days now, after finding it linked from another blog I visit. I am a mom to an “enhanced” kiddo with T21. My first born is David, who is 4.5 years old and such a joy. He was born shortly before my 30th birthday, and it was a surprise to discover he carried a little something extra. Reading your posts has brought back so many memories of those first months. You have captured all those raw emotions of fear, worry, joy, love and utter devotion with such eloquence. Such a beautiful family you have. The love you all have for each other emanates through your extraordinary pictures. I just wanted to let you know the hurt and worry gets easier. It fades away. Sure there are ebbs and flows as time progresses, but most days when I look at David I see bright rays of sunshine , and it is hard to remember why I felt so worried and so winded when he was first born. It is a hard spot to be in in the beginning because you feel so wounded, while simultaneously, fiercely protective and adoring of this new little one. It’s as if the whole range of motherly emotions, powered to the 10th, has hit you full force at once. It is both dizzying and enlightening. I often say I feel a little sorry for the other moms without enhanced kiddos. I think we get to see a sense of beauty and purpose in life others may only dare to glimpse. Nella is going to amaze and impress you at every turn. I am sure you already know that, but sometimes it is nice to be reminded. I watch David in wonder and love as he sings along to Beatles songs with me in the car, or directs me which way to go by saying “Actually Mommy, I think we go this way, yes,” or when he simply senses I need a lift and tells me unabashedly “I love you Mommy!” He’s my gift, I feel privileged to walk this life with him. Thank you for sharing your beautiful birth story, your beautiful girls, and your honest, real words with us all.
p.s. I wish I lived closer by to meet you and Nella and introduce you to my David. You are going to make so many wonderful friendships along this journey.
Despite what others may say, I’m very happy you posted Nella’s story. Her story helped me over a hurdle in my life. I’m expecting my third child, and because of my age there is a higher chance that I may have a baby with D.S.. I was so freaked out when my Dr. told me this that I haven’t been able to enjoy my pregnancy as I should. Reading Nella’s story showed me that D.S. isn’t the end of the world and that if this happens to me, I can still function, just in adifferent way than planned. Thank you for your story and your strength. You are an inspiration to me.
I have wanting to comment for so long. And I always decide not to for different reasons. The main one always ends up being that I don’t have the time or the words to say all that I would like to say. And also that most of the other moms to kids that happen to have Down syndrome have probably already said the same things that I would say. Just that I am sure I will say it different somehow. My little girl turned three this past November. Oh is she so very three. I wish I could go back to the day a little over three years ago and tell the woman in that hospital bed how okay it was really going to be. You see, in reading your birth story I cried because so many of the emotions were mine exactly. I can’t tell you the hours I cried in the shower. I wish I could tell you just exactly how okay it will be. But I can’t. You will have to wait and see yourself. I wish I could box Ava up and let you play with her for a few days and let you see how typical she is. How sweet and loving she is. How very THREE she is. I am so glad your Nella has a big sister. I have always longed for a big sister for Miss Ava.
Maybe I will comment again some day and pour my heart out and let you know just exactly how wonderful your life will be. And how many MORE of those small things you enjoy so much you will have now that you have Nella.
I discovered your blog quite by accident and I have never been so moved in my entire life. Your journey has been an inspiration to me as I find myself faced with a custody battle for my oldest 3 children. Seeing your amazing photos and the music…oh, the music…it fills me with such hope. Today I have decided I will “Go Big or Go Home”. Thank you Kelle.
Kelly, mom of T, R, M & B
I think you’re the biggest inspiration to me ever – like really. It’s like although I haven’t been through what you have (I’m now eighteen), but your words, your words that portray such strength, determination and passion for life rubs off your readers.
Thank you for giving me strength and courage to do things that I didn’t dare to. 🙂
God bless you and your family.
You know what I love? I love that Lainey will never see anything “off” in Nella. They are sisters. Lainey loves Nella as her SISTER…not as “the girl with DS” or anything else. She will not see the WHY that others are staring at her sister, and might just stare back, not understanding. I love “seeing” your love for your girls and your REAL-ness in taking life and love day by day, what you choose to share. It’s beautiful, Kelle. Just as your children are. Keep on keepin’ on, and take that bracelet off when YOU are ready to. You are blessed. May God continue to bless you and your family!
Your blogs are breathtaking as your sweet adorable girls.
Keep loving them. You are their Rock!
Ooh – are we all invited to this fairy party? Hehe. It looks fabulous! I can’t wait… and I’ll probably steal some of your ideas. 🙂 It must be hard waiting for the actual day.
Every once in a while I read what someone else had said in your comments section, but I obviously can’t be here reading all day (much as I wouldn’t mind)… but I do look for your poppa’s. He always has such an encouraging, inspiring word. It’s so great that you can call him up when you need a listening ear. We should all be so lucky…
I love the kepesake boxes! I’ve been wanting to do something like that for my kiddos, but just haven’t gotten around to it. I do, however, have a bunch of stuff amassed in bins assigned to each of them.
Hehe… we’re always laughing at our baby’s antics, and I wonder aloud how many other people laugh at their kids. What’s so funny about babies is that they’re completley helpless and don’t know any better. One of our personal favorites is when they’re propped up on the couch, and they start tipping over, and can’t put their hands out to stop themselves. Even better when they’re grinning or laughing at the same time… and as they fall, their little feet go up in the air. I like to “rewind” it and play it all over again. Laughter really is medicine for the soul.
I think Spring is so intoxicating because everything is coming to life, and it feels like a fresh start. And of course there’s Easter candy… Ooh – my favorite “Scarlet Pimpernel” starrs Anthony Andrews, Jane Seymour, and Ian McKellan. Very quotable.
My Spring to-do:
1. hang clothes outside to dry so they smell like sunshine
2. raise baby chicks
3. go to the playground as often as possible
4. do matching pigtails with my daughter more often
5. do something fun for exercise (combine with playground?)
6. Ooh – think I’ll steel your #1
That’s a good start.
As a mother, I’m always thinking of tomorrow, and trying to keep my kids safe yet make sure they grow up happy and independent. Every so often I’ll mention my worries to my hubby, and he’ll quote Dory from “Finding Nemo” – ‘If you don’t ever let anything happen to him, then nothing will ever happen to him.’ He mostly says it in gest, because I’m not overprotective or anything… but it really can be hard to focus on the Now when worried about the Then. And sometimes it’s the simplest things that help us focus on the Joy of the Now – like playing dress up with my daughter, laughing as the baby tips over one more time…
for petes sake, finally a chance to get on the interwebs since thursday! going through lainey/nella and their mama withdrawl!
so grab some sorrel for a good soup. we’re going dancin’ and courtin’ and gonna get us a sabine woman!
The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees…
to gilbert who inspired me to write it in the first place….it’s always been you anne.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sir percy… and this beholder is enchanted!
oh for petes sake remember when we stuffed our mouths with kleenex? bwahahahaha!
oh and if you want i will mail you my copy of the family band… dakota anyone?
Two songs that I think you’d like:
“Angel” by Jack Johnson… if I had a daughter, I think this song would be perfect.
“New Morning” by Lisa Loeb… totally encapsulates the gift of each day. We listen to it every morning.
Enjoy!
Kelle, I think you are going through the motions of life with amazing grace.
LOVE Snowball! We had a bunny too, “Scooter Nookums Budda Boo”…BOO BOO for short! He was the best…lived for nine years and guess what? He was a HOLLAND Mini-lop!
xo, Bug & Ruby’s Gram
I love and cherish all of the movies on your list except I haven’t seen, “You can’t take it with you.” And now I’m dying to see it! Have you seen Charade (w/ Audrey) or State Fair (the 1950s version- think romantic musical that if you got to take pictures of it you’d died and gone to heaven) or Zorro and the gay blade (not like it sounds, its a comedy)?
“Bless that beautiful hiiiide wherever you may beee”
I want to watch 7 brides again soon too!
What a man!
I am just now catching up here, busy last few days. Let me start out by saying, whether you are smoking the happy pipe or not (why the hell not? LOL) you are MOVING ON, which is key. I’m not even sure if I should say moving on or moving FORWARD. I realize that some people grieve longer than others. But let me tell you, I have been in this game for awhile now and to me, it’s NOT cool (I might get flamed for this) to still be in the grieving “whoa’s me” phase when your kid is 9. And TRUST me, I know a few parents like this. Don’t get me wrong, there are times and days when I wish that Kris was a “normal” kid but we all have these days. It’s important that MOST of our days aren’t like this. And trust me, as time marches on, it gets better and better.
I have always said I feel like I have to live forever so I can take care of him. But I’m worrying less and less about that now and trying to make him as independant as possible.
I think you are doing REMARKABLY well, you remind me of myself. Keep on truckin’ girly! Your doing awesome with your beautiful girls!! 🙂
Kristi
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Love, love, love your photos, your blog, and your beautiful family. Anne of Green Gables is such a favorite of mine!
Your children (and your blog) are SO beautiful. And it’s okay to be “okay with it all” so soon. We were. We wanted a baby. We got a baby. We got an extra chromosome along with it, but we got our beautiful, incredible little girl that I wouldn’t trade with any other child in the universe. Congratulations.
You are awesome and amazing and it has nothing to do with the constant positive and everything to do with the fact that you are honest, upfront, and tread through things in a way that is uniquely yours.
Your story about calling your dad took me back to the day when a *ehhem* rude … for lack of using the B word in your comment box … who was Alyssa’s NICU nurse for the day took me to a place where I only ventured once. I used to roll over in the middle of the night while she was in the NICU and call sometime between 3AM just so that in my heart she knew she was never off our minds. I got the update, it wasn’t good, but I knew I couldn’t go down there until 7AM. So, I said with a smile in my voice “Can you squeeze her little hand and tell her mommy and daddy will be there to see her as soon as we can.” To which she replied “Um. You realize you are dealing with a very sick, sick baby here. Don’t you?” I sat up in bed… stunned… angry… and just every emotion under the sun and mustered up a “Yes. Yes, I do.” “OK. Well I just like to ensure that parents have a bit of reality amongst the hope.” I said “OK, well relay the message and I’ll see you in a few hours.” I hung up the phone and LOST.IT. I called my mother in hysterics. Bawling on and on nonsense about how I just couldn’t plan a funeral for the little girl I was supposed to watch grow. My mom very calmly said “She isn’t dead now. She is alive and she is fighting. Please oh please don’t let the what ifs block you from seeing what is happening now. That little girl is STRONG. She’ll prove them wrong.” I took a deep breath. Calmed a bit in the pit of my soul and got off the phone. When we went to the NICU that day? I laid into the nurse in a way I am certain she never expected from my typically even tempered self. I told her to never confuse my positivity with stupidity, to never suggest that I was not comprehending all that was happening, and that the reality amongst the hope was that this little girl was going home where she would flourish at the first possible moment. I can still remember the look on her face and from then on she did not work with Alyssa and..hmm Alyssa was surrounded with positive people and rebounded amazingly. In hindsight I know that it was simply her way of dealing with all the loss that happens in the NICU. However, I think sometimes in the worst of times positivity is our only saving grace. Hold on to it. In your darkest of days… remember it! Seriously 🙂
You have two beautiful amazing people who will love you every day (even when they are teenagers and shouting how much they don’t 😉 ) and who will do it just because they KNOW you will reciprocate it 🙂 Those little girls of yours are lucky to have a mom who is smoking the happy pipe 😉 I think most people could use an extra hit!!
Sorry… I’m a yammer-er. All that to say.. fight HARD to not let the *What Ifs* interrupt the *What Nows*. It is a challenge some days. It took me a LONG time to fully get there…and even now sometimes I back-slide. However, I know for a fact my daughter does better on the days that I celebrate the triumphs rather than mourning the setbacks 🙂
Kelle,
I don’t know whether anyone has pointed this out to you or not (too many comments to read thru! teehee) but there’s a naughty ‘a’ on your ‘Carnival’ page : ‘indulge in a your carnival treats of…’ Did you realize that?
I’ve found your blog thru Design Mom, and I’ve sent lots of my girlfriends over to read your ‘Story of Nella Cordelia’. Ooh. We’re so moved by that story!!!
You’re a sweet girl, Kelle.
-Tanya, Australia.
Your babies are beautiful!
I love You Can’t Take it With You…I named my blog after that show. I was in the play twice in high school, I played Alice. Definitely a great movie!
I have truly enjoyed reading your blog. It’s very refreshing to hear someone’s life store that is so REAL! The love for your girls and life is inspiring. I don’t have children yet but I love the ideas you have, like the yearly picture books. I can’t wait until I can make me own 🙂 I was reading this blog and I saw that you wanted to play in the rain and you wanted to buy that awesome poster! One of my favorite quotes is
“Whoever says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain!”
I just thought you might enjoy it. Have an amazing week! 🙂
Hi Kelle!
You don’t know me…..but I feel like I know you now after reading your blog. It’s so refreshing to read and poignant. Your dad’s advice…”Don’t let your fears about tomorrow steal your joys of today.” Is the best I’ve heard and one that everyone should remember.
May your family be blessed and enjoy that warm Florida weather! I miss it!
-Maggie
From Sarasota now living near DC and Baltimore
I have to laugh…I finally got around to reading (well, actually listening to a book on tape while working) Anne (with an “E”) of Green Gables. It was wonderful. I could not stop thinking about how much Anne reminded me of your blog…filled with beautiful imagery and a wonderful story. And, Anne’s fantasy name of Cordelia made me smile. We all could use a bit of Anne in us everyday.
I look forward to watching the movie. But more so to reading the next book. YEAH!
I saw this link and thought of your fairy party:-)
http://childhoodmagic.blogspot.com/2010/03/miniature-fairy-garden.html
Hah, I read this post and remembered how much I loved Anne of Avonlea when I was a kid. I tried to find it last night on Netflix instant play. They have a DVD version of it, but it’s an older version and not the one I remember. I am going to find it though. I can promise you that. Thanks for reminding me about it 🙂
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Kelle… My dear friend sent me to your blog a mere 2 days ago. I’ve been in a sort of funk of my own around here and she sent me here, for inspiration, for sadness, for whatever could come of it. Your posts are absolutely beautiful. Your words are completely inspirational and moving. I am a single mother of 3. One of whom is high needs, although his challenges do not compare to what yours will be, I know. Even still… it’s HARD. I try and I wish every day that I could bring something memorable or beautiful out of it, and I seem to continually get stuck in the same depressing circle. My babies are 7, 4 and turning 1. And I would give anything to have their first years back and be able to cherish every step the way I always thought I would. But all I can do is try to now. And I will. Thank you for that.
I’ve been slowly reading through your beautiful words everyday, soaking in as much as I can and this is officially my first comment because I couldn’t resist….that picture of Nella’s little leg kicked up (the pic on the right) is in fact the most precious thing I have ever seen 🙂
I love to randomly meander through your posts, and get excited when one I don’t remember reading shows up in the “You might also like:” section. Tonight this post showed up, and it was definitely a “God thing” for me. Today I received unexpected news that my own chromisomally enhanced cutie needs to have a minor surgery. It’s not a big deal, but it’s something I’ve been trying correct and avoid surgery for for the whole 10 months of her life. And the disappointment and yes, fear, was settling hard on me tonight.
Like you, I have my occasional “down” days, but 99.9% of the time I’m smoke’n that same Happy Pipe! By the time Sarah was 1 month old friends and family stopped asking if we were “ok” because they knew we were. The day she was born many friends from church came to offer support and prayers and were suprised to find that they were the ones who were “ministered” to. We knew she was the perfect daughter God had designed to complete our family of six. God doesn’t make mistakes.
But today? Today was just one of those speed bumps along the way. And oh how I needed these words, your words, on this page. You reminded me to live in the now and not worry about what may happen. So, I decided to pick myself up and headed out for a little “retail therapy” to a little shop where I had seen something I wanted to get for my girls, but didn’t because it wasn’t something I needed. Tonight, I needed it, I needed it because it made me smile, and when I brought it home it made my girls smile. What was it you ask? Some fun and funky tights, so that they can strut their fabulousness. ;-D
People would ask me the same question with hurt in their eyes “how are u doing?” . This to me was irritating only because it was as if people expected me to be a crazy mess and wanted to feel sorry for me instead of congratulating me and showering the baby with compliments like any other post birthing encounters. So I understand what you’re saying about people being skeptical of your emotional state. I was fine with it , what made me sad is that the world is filled with judgment and I had a child who will be judged the instant they are looked upon. But honestly this would happen diagnosis or not. People are judged everyday for different things. So the diagnosis honestly was not my problem . This is life , I can’t change the genetic makeup of my child. I was just happy that he was free of illness , this is what I focused on . The way I saw it was I am Mexican, I have a genetic predisposition to diabetes . I can’t change that I’m Mexican and I wouldn’t want to! So what do I do? Watch what I eat , exercise , be healthy. My son has Down syndrome , that is a part of his genetic makeup. I can’t change that about him I can only help him be the best human possible just like I would be doing had he been born without DS. So because of this view many people thought I was in denial. Maybe I kind of was or MAYBE I try to focus on things I can do something about and learn to embrace what I can’t. I don’t give Down syndrome any power , I give it a voice when someone doesn’t understand it or if someone is ignorant to it. But I see my child as my boy, a perfectly imperfect human , just like his mom and just like every single other person on this great ball of dirt. 🙂
People would ask me the same question with hurt in their eyes “how are u doing?” . This to me was irritating only because it was as if people expected me to be a crazy mess and wanted to feel sorry for me instead of congratulating me and showering the baby with compliments like any other post birthing encounters. So I understand what you’re saying about people being skeptical of your emotional state. I was fine with it , what made me sad is that the world is filled with judgment and I had a child who will be judged the instant they are looked upon. But honestly this would happen diagnosis or not. People are judged everyday for different things. So the diagnosis honestly was not my problem . This is life , I can’t change the genetic makeup of my child. I was just happy that he was free of illness , this is what I focused on . The way I saw it was I am Mexican, I have a genetic predisposition to diabetes . I can’t change that I’m Mexican and I wouldn’t want to! So what do I do? Watch what I eat , exercise , be healthy. My son has Down syndrome , that is a part of his genetic makeup. I can’t change that about him I can only help him be the best human possible just like I would be doing had he been born without DS. So because of this view many people thought I was in denial. Maybe I kind of was or MAYBE I try to focus on things I can do something about and learn to embrace what I can’t. I don’t give Down syndrome any power , I give it a voice when someone doesn’t understand it or if someone is ignorant to it. But I see my child as my boy, a perfectly imperfect human , just like his mom and just like every single other person on this great ball of dirt. 🙂