Maybe it wasn’t the right time to talk about terrorism–to have to tell her what “mass shooting” means because I couldn’t turn off the radio quick enough on the way to the last ballet recital of the season. But she heard it–“mass shooting at a gay nightclub”–and what followed was a talk we’ve never had, a talk I’ve been pushing off because there never seems a good time to tell your child that the accepting loving world we lay out for her has holes and that those holes can involve a gunman opening fire in a public place where people are targeted for being different.

But it’s always a good time to talk about love. So on the 20-minute drive to her recital, we did. And it all fell out–the words I thought I’d need days to carefully plan in advance.

Gay. Skin color. Different. Hate. Terror. Ignorance. Guns. Sadness. All the more reason for love. 

“That’s why we never stop loving. Why we celebrate and accept people for being who they are. And when we hear sad things like this, it just reminds us how important it is to be love. People need our love.”

I checked the rear view mirror for her cues–for signs of discomfort or fear or confusion, but all I saw was love. A little girl in a purple tutu and a tight ballet bun, ready to dance.

She wasn’t nervous like I expected her to be when I dropped her off backstage. And with a kiss on the top of her head, I sent her off to dance.

The concert began with a moment of silence for the lives lost in Orlando, a prequel to the national moment of silence that would follow an hour later when the recital would be underway. And I thought it perfectly appropriate–that while hundreds of thousands of people across the nation quietly remembered this tragic event, there was a stage in Florida where young people continued to dance.

How I wish I could protect my children from the hurts of the world, to shelter them from heartache and hate and stories of broken people. But I never want that wish to shelter and protect to paralyze me from speaking up about things that matter. I want them to know the urgency behind the fact that people need our love–to know that it’s taken years of fighting for it for so many groups of people, and that we always, always, always join the fight for love.

Today, I share the sadness that belongs to all of us as well as the responsibility to live, talk about, model and teach inclusive, limitless, everlasting love.
In these moments of silence, we continue to dance.

 

This post is sponsored by the Genius 3D MAMMOGRAPHY exam, helping save lives and celebrate more and more survivors on National Cancer Survivors Day for many years to come.

This Sunday is National Cancer Survivor’s Day. I know we have a lot of holidays for a lot of things, but this one? It’s important. Let’s talk about those two words for a moment: Cancer Survivor. If you know one, if you are one, you understand the power of that phrase. The way the first word took your breath away when you found out. And the way the second word put that breath back but with a new part of you alive and electric–your gratitude–so big, so overwhelming, it might as well have its own beating heart. Survivor.  You, someone you love–with medical intervention caught it, fought it, maybe still fighting–but here. For another sunrise, another breath of warm June air, another “I love you.”

I knew several cancer survivors growing up, my grandma included. It wasn’t something we talked about a lot, but my grandpa would sometimes recall the story of the surgeon walking out of the operating room years ago and telling him my grandma was going to be okay. Sometimes he cried when he told the story, even after all those years, his gratitude still palpable. In college, I worked with kids who had cancer, at a summer camp in northern Michigan, run by the American Cancer Association. I saw gratitude in the eyes of every parent who dropped off their child and discovered a kind of resilience and strength I’d never seen before–and in 8-year-olds! They were different–they had been through something, clenched their teeth through blood draws and surgeries, withstood treatments and hospital stays. They were tough but vulnerable. Vivacious yet deeply sensitive.

I think the impact of those two words though–Cancer Survivor–hit me the most the first time I attended a Celebration of Life picnic at the hospital where my dad worked. It’s one of the hospital’s biggest events all year–celebrated on the first Sunday of every June–and my dad played a big part in planning and emceeing the event until he retired early this year. There was music and food, entertainment, friends, family, and a sea of t-shirts–“I’m a Survivor.” 5 years. 10 years. 20 years. Badges of honor. They brought their teams–their kids, their brothers and sisters, their moms and dads, their doctors.  They danced to the band’s best cover songs–“Stand by Me”,  “I Feel Good” and  “Sweet Caroline”–and they held hands and sang together, raised their voices as loud as they could when the chorus came–Hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you. Sometimes–lots of times–people cried, while they smiled and danced and shared the space with other people who understood exactly what this all meant. And at the end, they’d all join together. Find a survivor. Someone you love. Hold their hand and raise it up. Like a champion recognized after a boxing match. And then they’d play “Amazing Grace,” and if you never realized what “Cancer Survivor” really meant–if you never knew someone it changed–you did then.

2014: my dad and his brother, my Uncle Dale, celebrating more days to love and celebrate.

Being a survivor might not be my story, but loving a survivor is. And as a woman who shares the 1-in-8 statistic for developing breast cancer in a lifetime, and considering the fact that I love at least a good 50 women, mathematically that’s enough of us to make this all of our story. Because “Cancer Survivor” could be any one of us, and if it is, the best chance we have is early detection. Just ask my cousin Mary. She’s a 10-year survivor this year. Early detection. She texted me this picture last week–with her daughter on her wedding day. “Here’s one reason I celebrate being a survivor this year,” she wrote. Aren’t they beautiful?

And just this month, one of my dear friends in my little mom group was diagnosed. No signs, no symptoms–just a routine 3D Mammogram at her doctor visit. Detected early and with a treatment plan in action with a positive outcome expected–a new survivor on our team to celebrate. She wears her pink bracelet badge of honor, and we wear them with her because we belong to each other.

As we honor and celebrate our cancer survivors this weekend, we also honor and celebrate the advances and discoveries the world of medicine has made that allow us this celebration–that breathe hope and more tomorrows for so many. And as women, it’s important for us to be proactive and educated about our health. If breast cancer is found early, the five-year survival rate is nearly 100 percent. Being proactive means not only going to get a mammogram every year starting at age 40, but seeking out the most accurate mammogram. The Genius 3D MAMMOGRAPHY exam is the only mammogram clinically proven to detect cancer 15 months earlier than conventional mammograms and reduce callbacks (the dreaded call from your doctor asking you to come back in for an additional mammogram) by up to 40 percent. It has also been proven to detect 41 percent more invasive cancers than traditional 2D screenings.

I had my first baseline mammogram a year and a half ago (I was having armpit pain that turned out to be tenderness from leaning over the crib rail all night to pat Dash back to sleep–go figure). I went because being proactive about my health is so important to me. I love too many people who need me. After the first mammogram jitters, I came out so glad I did it. For peace of mind and responsibility to my body. I remind my mom to get her mammograms, I badger my sister and I promise my friends I’ll go with them to get theirs. And come 40, you better believe after toasting with my friends for my birthday, I’ll be showing up the following week for my Genius™ exam.

Would I drive an extra mile for a more accurate mammogram? I’d drive to the moon and back if it meant I could kiss my babies to sleep another night or be witness to the women I love teach me more about motherhood and strength.

To all those who have lived and loved through cancer…and to the memories of those we miss who make us even more grateful for more time, more days, more love…Happy National Cancer Survivor’s Day.

Take care of each other, take care of yourself.

This is one of my favorite guides to do every year–right up there with stocking stuffers. Because road trips excite me like Christmas, and half of our summer adventure fun is getting there. For us, it’s a 26-hour trip to Northern Michigan, spread out over several days and including many sight-seeing stops along the way. Yes, there are lots of Are We There Yet?’s. Yes, it’s a lot of work. And why yes, there are moments when everyone in the backseat is losing it, and I’m a hair’s breadth from pulling over, handing the keys to the first person who stops to help and telling them “You can have it. The van, the kids–take it all.” But for the most part, it’s pure fun and adventure, and the memories made are some of the most special ones in our entire family archives. Kind of like the Core Memories in Inside Out.

I’ve driven the route now several times and have stashed away tips and tricks that make the trip so much more manageable and enjoyable. That moment when we pull out of the driveway to start the adventure (and–er, turn back around to pick up something we forgot)? It’s pure magic. Pillows tucked in the backseat, games and art supplies stashed in the seat pockets, snacks and drinks ready to go, and the anticipation of what awaits. If your summer promises hours trapped in a moving vehicle with your kids, here are some of our favorite things to make the adventure more fun and meaningful.

Do we use iPads and movies? HELL YES. Lots of them. But we cushion that with some good old-fashioned family interaction–car games, art and journaling. You can see our 2015 Road Trip Guide for more ideas (and read the comments–lots of fun tips from other road-trippers).

1. Geo Adventure Journal and Travel Case. Keeping a travel journal is one of our favorite ways to preserve our trip memories. It challenges Lainey to write throughout the summer, and gives her some great creative opportunities–a place to store photos she’s taken, tape post cards and ticket stubs and keep track of favorite sites and moments. And this travel journal is extra special–definitely something to save and look back at for years to come. Made by my friend Nici at Dig & Co, it’s hand-appliqued with the place of your choice and tucked in the cutest wool travel case.

2. Polaroid Zip Mobile Printer with Zip Zero Ink Printing Technology. We’ve tested a few instant cameras and kid-friendly choices, and while they’re fun and convenient, I can’t find a camera that takes pics that compare with the quality of an iPhone or iPad–plus the other cameras don’t allow you to edit. This tiny printer is MAGIC. It connects through Bluetooth to your phone and requires Zero Ink–the chemicals are all in the paper. Plus, the paper is less expensive than Instax film and has a peel-off back so you can turn your little photos into stickers, perfect for travel journals. Lainey can use her iPad to take the photos, edit them in an app if she likes and send them directly through the Polaroid Zip app to this printer. Within seconds, a photo prints that looks exactly like the one on your screen. I printed this photo from last year’s Michigan trip with the Polaroid printer this morning–look at the colors! The printer is smaller than an iPhone and is tucked in a case and stored in my purse. We can’t wait to use it over our summer trip!

3. Melissa & Doug License Plate Game. I’ve included this game in a road trip guide before, but we really love it and it’s a fun on-going game for the entire trip. The goal? Spot license plates from as many states as possible. My favorite part? You can’t lose any of the pieces to the game! The wood license plates are secured with elastic to the board, and all you have to do is flip one over when you spot the plate.

4. U.S. Watercolor Scratch-off Map. A fun way to keep track of which states you’ve visited, this poster map can be displayed in a child’s room or playroom. Simply scratch off a state that you’ve visited, and underneath–beautiful watercolor art.

5. Paint by Sticker. Lainey’s new favorite (mine too!), this no-mess paint by sticker book includes several drawings with sticker guides and stickers to create beautiful mosaic works of art. They take a little while to finish, so it keeps ’em busy and quiet in the backseat for a nice long time.

6. Melissa & Doug Travel Bingo. Another fun Melissa and Doug no-mess game, these easy-to-use-and-reuse bingo boards include different sheets to trade out–spot vehicles, road signs, buildings and more to win the game.

7. Family Road Trip Box of Questions Engage everyone in the car with these fun conversation starters, quizzes and car games, made just to entertain the family on long trips.

8. Games on the Go Throw it in your glove box. This little key chain includes 50 different memory challenges, guessing and word games to make the time fly.

9. Crayola Pip-Squeaks Kit. We pack a lot of art stuff for Lainey, but this little Pip-Squeak kit is perfect for the little ones. Markers clip into place so they’re not falling through the seat cracks, and paper stays tucked in the case which provides a sturdy surface for drawing.

10. Brush Tip Markers. These brush tip markers stroke the paper like paintbrushes–no-mess for the car.

11. Klutz Lettering Book. We have several drawing books, but this lettering book includes stencils, blank pages and several alphabet guides to teach fun lettering from bubble letters to block. The kids can use them to make signs and posters to hang all over your tent/cabin/hotel room this summer. And one inch closer to the perfect “TTFN” and “BFF” in next year’s yearbook.

And I have to mention a favorite from last year–the Car Scavenger Hunt. Such a fun way to keep everyone alert and entertained–score points for spotting a bald man in a car, a school bus, a dog in a backseat and more. It includes points for other senses too like hearing a siren or smelling a skunk smell. Winner can receive rights to pick a restaurant for dinner or have the best spot in the backseat.

Adventure on, folks.

Summer reads for moms and kids, coming next week. I just started a book yesterday that might be my favorite book I’ve read in ages. Plus fun incentives to keep kids reading through the summer…stay tuned.