I set off this morning to write.
I was alone which doesn’t happen very often these days, and it took me a moment to adjust to the still and quiet of a chatterless car ride.
I arrived at the bookstore, laptop in tow and settled into a corner table with a coffee, attempting to initiate some sort of word barage into my senses.
But nothing came.
I stared into a blank white document, fiddled with my cup, searched for inspiration–anything–but was only drawn to the bearded man annihilating a raspberry danish visible from the glossy reflection on my screen. I tried switching seats, changing the angle of my computer, pushing aside the distracting clutter of my bagel plate…but alas, nothing but a few pecked sentences which I quickly deleted.
So, I drove home, reemerged myself into the rituals of a Saturday morning and refueled my senses with what they needed…
Like Swimming.
Where my big fish shouted “Look at Me!” and “Hey, Watch Dis!” and proudly flaunted new jumps and paddles and splashes.
The spark of inspiration continued into the quiet of the pink room where the little bunny slept, her cherub legs tucked symmetrically under her diaper, her lashes contrasted nicely by mid-morning sun.
…lashes which later unfurled while her awakeness drank in kisses from the daddy.
I was refueled with the new September candy dish, stashed with Autumn-hued Jordan almonds which have rapidly disappeared in a matter of hours.
And I watched as my big girl entertained the little girl…
…and I studied the ever-changing features of her sweet angel face.
And dessert tonight was Dress-up.
Where I was instructed to “Put difs on” and was handed a ruffled clump of hot pink mesh and aqua sequins.
We strutted magestically through the driveway…
…until something ruffled the queen’s feathers and she ran into the house, distraught in a very three-year-old manner.
And just about the time the little one sank into a heavy slumber against my left arm tonight, and the bigger one breathed slow and steady in the crook of my right, I felt it.
My inspiration.
I often challenge myself to recognize the many facets of my identity and to understand that motherhood does not completely define me. I want to set an example for my girls of fulfilling my one wild and precious life with a great many things and giving them the freedom to explore the wonders of the world in their own way. I tell myself that I will gradually have to let go and that life will not always be filled with the happiness of dress up and tea parties and spontaneously aproning up to make cupcakes with extra sprinkles.
…but right now, I drink it up, knowing that the magnitude of our inspriration shifts over time. And while I am aware that mothering cherub-cheeked littles will not always be the source of full-flowing inspiration, I know that loving them will.
…and while the words finally flow tonight, there’s always re-fueling tomorrow. Watching my girls settle into the cold sands of our happy beach on the Isle of Capri.
Happy Holiday Weekending.
