i have been doing a whole lotta this lately…

and not so much that i am incapable of ungluing myself off the couch, but more so that i am listening to my body…and brett who tells me to chill out and lie down.

this was, of course, achieved with the great help of my best friend heidi who, upon last week’s little scare, booked a ticket to come down from michigan to stay with me this week…even though i assured her i was fine. it actually worked out grand as i was not bedridden but rather free to enjoy four days of a teenage sleepover times ten.

we did nothing but drench ourselves in the lazy pleasures of home. we watched movies. we stayed up late. we laid in bed talking about babies and holidays and all the things we wanted to do in life. brett even gave up his spot in bed for some nice quiet nights in the boys’ room while we girl-gabbed and fell asleep to the sound of chick flicks…and lainey snuggled between us.

and heidi cooked every night…sausage and perogies with cabbage, homemade lasagna, lentil soup…

…except i did chip in for a cherry pie…

…that looked like butt (multiplied by the ugly glow of the oven light) when it was finished because i didn’t have enough pie dough for a proper fluted edge. that and i wasted it on cherry doo-dads for the top…which, if i had to choose between a proper flute and doo-dads, i’d skip the flute again.

bottom line is…my soul is rejuvinated to effervescent proportions thanks to four days of friendship and truly being able to relax…with no guilt.

and in photography world…
picking up some more work after trying to take a break…and beginning to map out the holiday schedule. searching for some new locations and super excited about a rigged bridal practice shoot coming up with a borrowed designer dress and a gorgeous model…more to come.
in the meantime, i’m working on some new products to offer this holiday, a new affordable album…and have finally splurged on a bunch of packaging materials as i’m a sucker for pretty packaging. i always love when people share their finds and am all about payin’ it forward. so, to anyone who’s into packaging for whatever reason, i found wonderful boxes available in a trillion sizes (including a shallow one just bigger than an 8×10 to package 8x10s, any smaller prints and cards/announcements) and several colors from this company. after looking at several photography packaging companies, i found this regular box place and was very happy with the quality–uber thick, stiff and a nice glossy black. then to joanns and walmart where i filled my cart with fun ribbons and damask print tissue paper. tie on business card and…voila. something a bit more professional to hand to clients.

and saving the best for last…

something happened. her loveliness just multiplied into fireworks, and i am daily amazed at this girl who happens to be mine.

she talks. finally. like crazy talks. things like…

let’s go, mom.
i wanna eat.
i did it.
manatee.
no nap, please.
that’s yellow, mom. (she spots anything yellow).
i love you, gaga.
help, please (a long time coming after numerous fits from getting her head stuck in arm holes from all the clothes she sneaks off to try on during the day).

…and repeats anything and everything we want her to say. and don’t want her to say.
my dad reminded me the other day that lainey’s way of doing things has always been to wait…figure it out in her head…perfect it…but dare not show anyone what she’s capable of until she knows she can do it right. like my late walker who practically moonwalked when she finally gave us her first steps. and pottytraining. and talking. when she does somethin’…it’s gunna be all the way. go big or go home, right?

she doesn’t watch t.v. we don’t really care and don’t make a big deal about it, but she’s never been interested except clifford in the car, watching football with brett in the fall, or catching a song/dance/musical number from the oompa loompas. however, she has, two days in a row, become entranced with the martha stewart show. she sat in this chair intently taking in how to make a great rissoto and cut tissue paper into flowers. i love it.

and in true lainey style, she will probably stew over this for quite some time until we come home one day to find a world-class rissoto dinner garnished with a vase of tissue paper flowers from our girl.

and then there’s the fact that she can take a shower, wash her own hair, dry herself…all by herself. won’t let us help her even if we wanted to. literally, from the time she walks into the shower to drying off and putting her clothes on, it’s all done by her and her alone. i don’t know when this all happened. …but i am amazed.

finally…she is officially in love with the dogs and spends a good few hours a day playing by herself with them. she’ll carry latte like a baby for over half an hour at a time and does it so gently. the so gently part isn’t exactly observed when she later shoves her into a small purse, totes her around the house and violently crams her head back in the hole lest she attempts to, god forbid, come up for air.

but mostly, it’s so gently.

i always knew i wanted my kids to grow up with dogs, but it took a long time coming for their love-hate relationship to blossom into something less volatile. now, it’s purely precious.

at least once a day, she takes latte into her bedroom, shuts the door and stays in there for a good fifteen minutes. she gets mad when we peek in on her but, from the times we have, she’s sitting on the floor reading books to a dog who has obviously been forced to sit in a small rocking chair…and knows, for her own good, not to budge.

and latte always totes along with lainey for all our bike rides.

speaking of, brett called from the garage tonight to see if i wanted to go for a bike ride.
i hollered back, “i’m already in my jammies!”
and smarty girl ran in, grabbed my hand, dragged me into the bedroom where she whipped open my drawer and handed me a pair of jeans. on her own. without a word. like i said….amazed.

so we rode our bikes in the dark and the air was cool and smelled like barbecue smoke. and i purposely steered my tires into every puddle i could find from the heavy rain this afternoon…and the cold spray it splattered over my flip-flops felt good. like summer. i haven’t exactly enjoyed this summer like i thought i was going to, but it has been every bit as wonderful in a different way. i will paint our bedroom. have a cook-out. rearrange the living room. but not today.

hey, i made a cherry pie. that’s pretty good.

(oh, and for the record…i drove heidi to the airport at 6am this morning going 70 on i 75 with a bag over my head throwing up…all simultaneously. hello, mother of the year. i want my trophy.)

(hey look…the daddy!)

…enjoying the small things. ~k

oh, and i have to say once again…thank you for your comments, e-mails, calls on the last post. wow. i love you little blog readers, and have never been so comforted by not only new friends, old friends, family…but by strangers. that aren’t really strangers. thank you, thank you, my friends. everything is good…and we are graduating to pants with stretchy panels. oh, yay.

i sit here at a blank screen amid a quiet house trying to gather some worthy collection of words to express as much of a wrung-out heart my worn-out body can muster. and all i have are tears.
and a title. a title with an all-consuming force that has embraced our family once again. i am humbled and amazed at this little word…love. and i am beginning to think i have some sort of hyper-sensitive love-receptive genes–perhaps the “goodness glands” my grandpa used to hold us down and tickle us to find…until he landed on our knees where he would squeeze. “there they are,” he’d say…”your goodness glands.” and i really believed we were special. because we had ’em.

oh, i love love. and when i find it lavishly bestowed on us, i am awed at how we are so blessed when so many in the world are searching for it. and i am honored…honored and consumed with gratitude in the form of cryderman sappiness, excessive wordiness, and this blogtastic over-the-top need to proclaim…thank you.

i’ve been alone with lainey this week as brett is out of town on business. and we were enjoying a normal week anticipating his arrival home until early thursday morning.

i woke up at two a.m. to wet sheets. my pajamas were soaked. and after a bit of confusion and telling myself that thirty-year-olds don’t exactly wet their beds, i got up and headed to the bathroom.

to find blood. blood on me. blood all over the floor. and a flashback to the day our last pregnancy ended. in the dim glow of the night-light, i fell to the floor and cried. cried like i never have before and begged God to not let this be happening. i fumbled for my phone and shook as i dialed as many numbers as i could. i couldn’t get ahold of brett. or my sister. of anyone i randomly dialed. until my friend carie calmly answered and assured me she’d be there in minutes to take me to the hospital.

and she was. joined by laura who kissed my sleeping baby in her arms for almost four hours in an uncomfortable waiting room chair while carie and i waited in a little room behind a light blue curtain for a litle hope that i almost lost.

at 4:30, an ultrasound tech arrived to wheel my bed down long, empty corridors to a dark room where he closed the door and put warm jelly on my stomach. he turned the screen so i couldn’t see. i cried. “can you just tell me if there’s a heartbeat? can you please tell me if the baby’s okay?” i asked. and he apoligized and said he can’t tell me anything. that i’d have to wait for the doctor to read it. i cried some more.

and in the dark, he glided his wand across my stomach with a stoic face.

until he stopped for a moment and said…i can’t tell you anything but…
and then he turned the screen and smiled.
he didn’t have to say a word.
there…on the screen…was a baby. a baby who moved and danced…and an unmistakable little beating heart.
and that, my friends, was a beautiful moment.

and a terrifying beginning to a day that magically metamorphosized into this incredible, beautiful memory.

released on bedrest and instructions to see my doctor the next day to find out what was going on, i returned home in the morning to be pampered and embraced by one of the biggest outpourings of love i’ve ever experienced. within an hour, my house was filled. with jammy-wearin’ friends who hugged me and cried and laughed and yelled in unison for me get back down! when i even suggested i was going to stand up for a moment.

they cried with me. they hugged me. they took care of my little. they found out my favorite vegetable beef soup recipe, went to the store and came home with bags of ingredients that they chopped and simmered in my kitchen while they laughed and sipped wine, told stories, chased littles and reminded me of the joy that follows sadness. they brought lunch and smoothies and piles of movies. they cleaned my kitchen and folded my laundry, changed my sheets and scrubbed my bathroom. they had me in fits of laughter while i laid on my bed watching them organize piles in my closet against my will. they called me from michigan to tell me they bought a ticket to come down and be with me. they canceled their plans, drove from fort lauderdale and arrived at my door after months of missing them to surprise me. they rubbed my belly and said things like i love you, little baby. they told me i needed deodorant and searched the bathrooms to find some (oh, wylie…you know i love you and your blessed honesty). they kissed my hand over and over when i was shaking and crying and thought it was over and revealed hilarious embarrassing stories to make me laugh when i thought i couldn’t. they called me and texted me, asking to help…they prayed and sent reminders that they were praying and loving. they listened and researched and promised it would be okay. they heard me say “i wish i could have a martini” and showed up two seconds later with a grapefruit mocktail in the perfect martini glass.

there are a trillion little things i could write. how we have been so blessed to know and be part of so many loving people’s lives, i’ll never know. but, man do our people know how to love. and all i could do yesterday was humbly accept it. it felt like christmas. and my house was full of nothing but the sounds of love…where tears and darkness had been just a few hours earlier. it was completely transformed by the power of a little word.

oh, love.

i was not alone last night. i closed my eyes to the sound of happiness and family and friends…and love. and i didn’t ask for any of it. they came by the droves to deliver this amazing gift.

are we getting blogtastic and sappy and wordy enough yet? because i can step it up a notch.

oh, and our baby?
no more fears…
our appoinment this morning shows a perfect baby, a normal pregnancy and no need to be afraid. apparently, it was a chorionic bleed…but all is okay now.

say hello to the little stinker who scared their mama…

i am in love and awed by love all at once.
and reminded once again that there is a reason for everything and that things always sort themselves out to reveal beauty. and yes, bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people and the outcome is not always as beautiful as this incredible couple of days, but there is always love in the end.

thank you to every soul that has been a part of these last two days…every soul that has expressed love in some way.

we are grateful and blessed and humbly left with this incredible gratitude for your love.

so, thank you.

posting right on top of last night’s post, but this baby needs to be showcased asap.

have i said i love babies?

…and the fact that i get to see so many of them is a pure gift.
today’s gift came in the form of lawson, rescheduled from yesterday’s rain…
he is this magical mix of blue eyes, blonde fuzz and just the right amount of chubs.

…and his precious family who love him so…

tell me his mama isn’t just beautiful?!

i could have ten of these babies. in fact, i want to give that dugger lady a run for her money. i could so be her…minus the split ends and church skirts. but i could be her with some snazzy flats and lipstick.

clint & amanda…a pleasure. and your little man is pure love.
~k

oh, wait. introducing my new holiday offer. last year, october and november were crazy. so, here’s a special offer if you book before september 1. this is a crazy great offer because you get a cd of images to use as you wish for christmas gifts in addition to your custom designed cards and prints, plus a discount. the best gift you can give this year (besides love…or maybe a baby…or an anthropologie shopping spree) is your family memories captured…just as you are.
pass it on…and can’t wait to hear from you!