i bought her stickers yesterday. i was turning the last corner in the grocery store with a cart piled in the most unorganized fashion possible with cereal boxes and tuna cans, and then eggs and bread on the bottom, of course. and i was tired and ready to go home, but i saw these sparkly stickers in the dollar bin on that last turn…and i knew they’d make her happy. so i added them to the cart and finished my shopping. and i was halfway through the parking lot before my excitement got the better of me…so i steered the cart with one hand while i tore the plastic off the stickers with the other so that by the time she was buckled in her carseat, her willowy legs were covered with sparkly stickers, and her spaced-out little teeth smiled in thanks.

and then for one split second, i did this thing i hate. i analyzed it…overthought it. am i spoiling her? am i teaching her that she gets something every time she goes to the store? do i buy her too much?

and then i smacked myself out of it…because there is nothing that sucks the joy out of motherhood–the inate ability to love and rear this child from the God-given instinct that dwells deep in my bones–than overthinking. overanalyzing. because in these (almost) two short years of blessed parenthood, i have gained this real, amazing confidence in just loving and mothering without thinking about it. it’s like riding a bike. you don’t read directions on it. you don’t read a book about it. and when you hop on that bike, you don’t recite left, right, pedal, balance, steer. you just do it. and the more you don’t think about it, the better you are at it. and soon, you’re ridin’ fast…and with flair. like pastel handlebar streamers whippin’ in the wind and spoke beads humming their rhythmic beat with each seamless rotation of the wheel.

i trust my instincts because they’re good and hearty instincts. i will not worry about spoiling her because i know i won’t. i’m not that mom. i am, however, the mom who is governed by passion. and love. and free-spiritedness and spontaneity. and the beautiful principle of….just be. i have no rules.

(oh, hello little magic dimple who came out to play!)

moms are frequently asked the old “what’s your views on _______?” question. like nursing. and daycare. and discipline. and family bed.
and here’s the thing. i don’t have views on much other than what i do this very day with our little cubs. ‘cuz i’m just ridin’ my bike…and my hair’s flowin’ and the spoke beads are snappin’ away, and if i stop for one minute to think about what i think (if that makes any sense…), i might fall off my bike.

and when i look back, i see this beautiful path we’ve pedaled through. and it’s good. and seamless. and, miraculously, might i even say…consistent. and it happened on its own.

there will be times we realize there may have been a better way. and there will be times we don’t buy the stickers…

…but yesterday…that little pack of stickers not only made an almost-two-year-old completely consumed with delight…but it made a mama insanely happy too. just pure satisfaction.

sure we want to give her the world…but it’s not ours to give. so we will find bits and pieces of it to share with her. and we will do it spontaneously. passionately. and with flair.

loving her, leading her, teaching her…it’s all so easy. and so much fun. and the more i don’t think about it all…the more fabulous it becomes.

just be. and love. …and…buy some stickers.

…enjoying the living-with-flair things. ~k

…to my dear friend, anna ruth.

who won a very prestigious teaching award today…

…the golden apple.

while she was quietly instructing her kids this afternoon as she so beautifully does every day…
her classroom was bombarded by throngs of people…t.v. cameras…newspaper reporters…
…and she was handed the golden apple in front of her happy little students.

i watched afterward as she held the apple, beaming, and asked the eager little faces of her students to describe it with adjectives.

shiny, gold, heavy, they said.

“who can think of a simile?” she asked?

reflective as a mirror, one little boy said.

i love how even in this moment that should belong to her, she made it about her students.

you are so deserving, anna ruth, and i am so happy for you.

*if you’re in the naples area…she’ll be on the news tonight and front page paper tomorrow.

~k

i’m sitting at my nook with a cup of lemon tea and just kiddy-corner to me is an open window welcoming in this heavenly breeze that smells like spring grass and afternoon sunshine.

it seriously feels like summer here…and i can’t get enough. we live outside these days which means the bottoms of our feet are black, the apples of our cheeks are pink, and lainey’s hair is lightening up to this delicious sunny shade of blonde.

brett’s off with the boys for a night of fishing, so the binks and i are already jammied up and ready for smoothies in bed and a nice dose of animal planet until the down comforter trances us into what will hopefully be an early night as the last few nights have been rough with two year molars, a few fevers and a very stuffed up baby. humidifiers do wonders though.

after a grocery run today where i rolled over my own bare toe with a very heavy cart and seriously considered curling into a ball on the floor of aisle ten and screaming obscenities thereafter (but didn’t), we took a nice saturday detour to the pet store to buy a fish… because… well, it was high time we bought a fish. and he’s blue, and he’s beautiful, and he doesn’t have a name yet, but watching him loop around his little plastic plants and feather his ‘mane’ makes lainey very happy. and so did the pet store.

and, oh i think sprinkly ice cream cones might very well be my favorite foodie thing to photograph. ice cream cones are so happy. and summery. and child-like.

her not feeling well has been rough the past few days…because no one’s sleeping. and it must be this motherly ‘stuff’ that just kicks in…but i’m actually surprised at how, when she’s clawing and crying at two in the morning when i am this close from a sleep coma…that this love and protective mama instinct just kicks in. no matter how exhausted i am or how many nights this has gone on…i still am roused with compassion for her discomfort and at that moment, there is nothing i’d rather be doing than scooping up her warm little body, kissing her rosy cheeks and making it better. not that i thought i’d be perturbed but…still. the instict thing always amazes me. especially because it’s the whole ‘not getting any sleep’ thing that seems to be the scare tactic for new mamas.

so, that’s my thought for the day…

happy saturday. ~k