i had a bunch of cute things planned for this post…pictures of last night’s party at lucarellis, lainey’s bottle addiction, her busy-bodied little hustle across the driveway.

…but that was before tonight. and tonight was magic. and magic trumps parties and bottles and even cute little hustles.

maybe i’m more sentimental than most. maybe everybody puts up their tree and cries afterward. maybe every home felt love so real you could touch it tonight.

but, that doesn’t lessen what i’m feeling one bit.

it’s almost midnight, the house is dark all but the dying embers in our fireplace and the glow from the tree…in its first night in our home this season. and after it’s all over…after watching lainey’s wonder, after seeing my dad stretch far up on the ladder to reach the top of the tree, after hearing brandyn laugh and grandma colleen gently explain to lainey how pretty the ornaments were… after all that…

i sit next to brett and just cry.
“brett, these are the nights.” (sob, sob, sob) “these are the nights, twenty years from now, we’re never going to forget.”
he smiles. “you’re right, baby. you’re right.”

when our kids are grown. when our parents are old. when things are different. wonderful in their own way, yes…but different. these are the nights we are never going to forget in all of their perfection.

i don’t ever want to forget nights like tonight.

it was family. and just like every year, we put up the tree with a fire and a christmas movie. tonight, it was elf. and there was laughing. warm bodies curled up on the couch. key lime pie. and lots of “ooh pretty”-‘s.

and then the ornaments. nestled between layers of wired ribbon and strings of white lights are not just ornaments…but memories. and taking them out each year is like a spiritual ritual. i can tell you everything about each one.

the little spring arbor house i painted when i lived with my grandparents in college…and how i remember thinking when i made it, “someday, this is going to mean a lot…when grandpa and grandma aren’t here anymore.” it means a lot now.

the soon-to-be-diaper-diva that arrived in a package in the mail early december two years ago from my sister on a day i was banished to the couch with morning sickness.

the little yellow taxi my dad markered “chicago” on and gave to brett on his first christmas with our family.

the white wooden ice skates my dad got me from chapman house after he saw me admiring them.

the little snowman i bought for fifteen cents at michaels and painted when i was in college and didn’t have any money.

the cherry pie my sister gave me after i baked my first one…and carried on my mom’s pie tradition. it says “for carrying on mom’s cherry pie tradition” on the back.

the snowman with the big glass belly and a tiny snowman inside. i was pregnant and searching for anything to represent my excitement…and when i saw it one night in 2006, i smiled and knew it was the one.

the little silver cradle, already tarnished, and etched with baby’s first christmas. how can that just have been last year?

it’s bittersweet, unwrapping them from their crumpled tissue and letting them serve another christmas on the family tree, earning their precious value more each year. it’s sad as they get more worn and time separates us from their very first christmas on our tree…but yet exciting to see what new ones will find a place there this year. …as we look for what represents their personalities, their accomplishments, their spirits. do they make a happiness ornament? just a great big beam of love and happiness? certainly nothing that could possibly hold as much as we feel.

no, they’re not just ornaments. …they’re memories. precious memories.

and, she has her own little tree in her room too…

oh, tonight was magic. just magic.

and, although i write as much as i can possibly transform with letters and words, there’s so much more that can’t be written. so, beautiful memories they will remain. and, like the ornaments, they will fade and wear a little more each year. but, then again, that’s really what makes them so beautiful, isn’t it?

…enjoying the beautiful, magical things. ~k

oh, and parties and bottles and cute little hustles to come later this weekend. ~k

all this crying and loving the moment stuff makes me a little tired…

goodnite.

i’ve been so very busy lately.

and, although i’m swamped with photos and orders and happy for the business, i can’t wait for things to slow down a bit. both brett & i have been working a lot. we haven’t seen much of each other except at night when we’re both tired.
there’s been a lot of i-can’t-deal days where there’s crying and messes and food to be made and diapers to be changed and orders to be put in and people to call. not to mention, the evil tooth hasn’t come in yet. she actually points to the place where it hurts now…bottom left smack dab between little cuspid and big molar

…but just when i start to think “i can’t deal,” it’s the end of the day…and i realize, i dealt.

in between the “i-can’t deal”s, there’s….

flowers delivered to the door…from a client/friend’s baby with a note that says “thank you for taking my pictures.”

there’s hot coffee in the morning. there’s tomato soup and toasted pb&j’s. there’s hot baths and lavendar tub salts. there’s wearing the good perfume on a regular day and pulling clean cotton sheets from the dryer. there’s listening to this song in the car and cranking up the volume because it makes me feel like a rockstar. there’s turning it down quickly after because it made lainey cry. there’s this-too-shall-pass and feeling brett reach over in the middle of the night to hold my hand and remembering how much i love him. there’s lower gas prices, ice cream in the freezer, a frosted mug waiting for a cold beer tonight, and a camera that takes a billion pictures…for free. there’s mac red lipstick and my favorite white pants all ironed in the closet. there’s a dunkin donuts up the street with sesame seed bagels waiting for me to take them home. a big beautiful ocean four miles from my house. sunshine and blue skies and the excitement of maybe…just maybe putting up the tree this weekend and making one of lainey’s first magic christmas moments. there’s knowing in four weeks, my big beautiful family is going to reunite for christmas…in the snow (please, please God!). there’s lipstick jungle on tonight and relishing in the fact that it’s friday.
there’s chubby toes.

and there’s this little face that transforms stress into beautiful, beautiful happiness.

…enjoying the small things. ~k

more to come this weekend from the homefront.

among the world of magical things there are white unicorns. pots of gold under the rainbow. pixie dust and forests full of fairies.

…oh, but there is one more. one filled with fantasy and imagination.

my childhood christmases.

if there is one thing i am ever so thankful to my parents for…
it’s what they did in december.

they created magic. and, to this day, i believe in it.

everything was perfect…and no, it’s not that i only remember the perfection. it was perfection. the house in its christmas splendor. the reindeer footprints in the snow. new pajamas on christmas eve. hearing santa call us and ring his bell for us. sleeping together…my sister & brother & i, on christmas eve and feeling my heart beat so fast in fear i would actually see santa. my mom’s st. lucia braided cinnamon crown on christmas morning…with candles and cherry poinsettas. the music. the grandparents. reading the christmas story together, as a family on the living room floor before we opened presents. following the string throughout the house to the ‘big’ present at the end. laughter. love. always love.

it was magic.

and, just writing about it makes me all teary…i can still feel every bit of the magic.

and what’s so beautiful is that…it’s up to me to create it now. i want what i had and more for lainey. i’m so excited for this year with her new wonder and understanding of celebration, i think she’s really gunna ‘get it.’ it’s a little over a month away and there are so many things to do to make it special.

and, so we begin.

today with the first little-bit-of-christmas revealed…

and a new book that took my breath away. every child should own this book.

it explains everything and has beautiful illustrations of inside santa’s home, mrs. claus’ kitchen, the elves workroom.
detailed drawings of santa’s sleigh and every button’s function.

pull-out books like santa’s diary…

the world map he uses on his route…

secret entrance into his closet and descriptions of what’s in his cloak pockets…

copies of children’s letters and photos of the mail room…

it’s heaven, and you don’t have to be a kid to love it. buy it. pour some cocoa…and discover where beautiful imagination can take you.

i can’t help but be excited. christmas is coming…

from my favorite christmas pasts…

chicago 2006

to my favorite christmas future…

make some traditions.

and a little early present from me to you…
tonight’s “football dance” with daddy. watch it. it’s so worth it.
(oh, and if you had a dollar for every time i say “football dance” in this clip, you could use it to stimulate our economy like nobody’s business. seriously. just when you think i’m done saying “football dance”…i say it again. sorry…ahead of time.)

if you can’t view it, click here.

…enjoying the tradition things. ~k