last night introduced me to another side of motherhood…a side those glass-is-half-empty people sneeringly remind you is coming…and strangely take pleasure in doing so. ‘oh, you think it’s all smiles and coos now. just wait. just wait ’till you’re up all night when she’s sick,’ they say, ‘wait ’till you’ve had no sleep and you’re ready to tear your hair out.’ …and then they smile, like bursting one more new mom’s bubble is some sort of notch on their belt.

well, my bubble remains in tact. in fact, it’s an even prettier, sturdier, shinier bubble…with swirls of rainbow prisms. a happy, smiling bubble.

she woke up at one with a fever. probably just a teething thing, but i mistakingly took matters in my own hand and gave her motrin which irritated her sleepy little tummy…and led to the next half hour of drama. stomach jerking…throwing up…crying…clinging. more throwing up. hysterics. …and all i could think was how scared she must be at what was happening to her tummy and the way she was clinging to me and crying, and the last thing i wanted to do was pull her away from the mommy she needed. so i held her tight and let her throw up on me. everywhere. …and i hugged her and kissed her, and sang to her. and we rocked as little tears rolled down her hot cheeks (and mine), messy towels draped around the both of us, sick jammies were rolled off her, and all that remained was a warm whimpering baby hugging her mama who tried to make it better.

she slept with me. well, rather, she slept while i felt her head and attempted to close my eyes while she tossed and turned, whimpered and pushed her little body as close to me as physically possible without literally molding into me…for hours. (if there were such a thing as a reverse c-section that puts ’em back in there, she would have wanted it).

…and the whole time, i kept thinking, ‘is this where motherhood is supposed to be hard? is this what they were talking about?’ ‘cuz this? this is….

…beautiful.

there’s such an honor to being the one she wants…the one she needs…the one who can actually make it better. (daddies help too! brett was great last night.) and sometimes, it’s during the sick moments, the hard ones–when i truly see that the glass is not half empty. it’s not half full. it’s overflowing.

she woke up happy as ever today, and back to her old self. and me? i’m tired. exhausted. but smiling. the little battle is over, and i was victorious.

this…this beautiful feeling…this is motherhood.

…enjoying the mother-y things. ~k

lotsa love today…

it’s austyn’s birthday and with that comes a large helping of neighborhood boys. consequently, our front lawn looks like a bike shop, our pool level is a foot less than it was this morning, and lainey has been batting her eyelashes non-stop at all the boys all day. she loves the attention…not to mention, austyn’s cake. (aren’t cake-eating photos the bestest?)

*little chameleon showing off her ability to use light powers to change her eyes to blue-green and her hair to strawberry blonde. seriously…every day, she’s a different color. under ‘eye color’ in her baby book, it’s been changed three times.

*tryin’ out our new doctor kit. our teddy bears have lots of band-aids these days.

*and, the girl has found her belly button. shows it to random strangers, too.

…enjoying the fun & lovely things. ~k

the great thing about having cool, laid back friends is that a simple noon playdate turns into this awesome “hey, you guys wanna stay for dinner and put your kid to bed here?” thing.

so it was yesterday when baylee came to play and a regular day magically became a really, really fun one when her mommy and daddy stayed and hung out with us and she and lainey did magical things…like play in the pool, have a full-out dress-up tea party outside, draw cool things with sidewalk chalk at sunset (or, in lainey’s case, eat the yellow chalk, so she’s drooling this bile-looking junk), watch nemo together, take a wagon stroll (and spot two bunnies!) and end the night with a bath and jammies.

yes, it was divine. not just for them…for us too!

…enjoying the playdate things. ~k