The Peeps are on the shelves. I repeat, the Peeps are on the shelves.
That’s right, Easter’s one month away, and although I swear I wouldn’t say it (don’t say it, don’t say it)…Easter’s one of my favorite holidays. Uughh! I said it. I tried so hard not to say it. It’s like I can’t NOT say it about all the holidays. I try to be choosy to refine my holiday palette, and I get all proud of myself when I think I have it narrowed down to a slim 1-2 holidays like the classy people who know what they like and have one signature scent. But then Target has to go light their seasonal aisles on fire with, like, the most beautiful pastel colors you’ve ever seen. And then every store I walk in has these displays–baby bunnies, speckled eggs, pink gingham, this light mint turquoise color I can’t explain but it does something to me, vintage Peter Rabbit dinnerware, tulips…and the PEEPS! They line them all up in rainbow formation, and there are rows and rows of marshmallow bunnies and chicks just staring at you with their beady brown eyes–like they’re alive, like they’re those pets on T.V. needing to be adopted. How can you not fall in love? And then there are the dresses and the tights and the bonnets, dear God the bonnets. I don’t even have babies anymore, but I’ll always associate Easter with memories of my babies wearing bonnets.

Evidence A:

Of course the Peeps and the bonnets and the eggs are reason enough to love Easter, but that’s not even considering the idea that my entire upbringing focused on this holiday as being the single reason we aren’t all burning in hell for eternity. I mean, how can you not include a holiday that’s responsible for salvation in your list of favorites even if you don’t exactly believe that anymore? So yes. I stand by “one of my favorites.”

Let’s move on, shall we?

The List is out. By that, I mean I’m likening my Easter Basket Stuffer Guide to the September issue of Vogue. And I’m not ashamed to admit I get all Anna Wintour about it, poring over spring coloring books like my suggestion of the best one is going to create a ripple effect in coloring trends across the nation. This stuff is strangely important to me. I spend way too much time deep in the abyss of Amazon, digging for cool hidden gems on Page 6 of search results, and I find them. It helps that little things like paper dolls and scented erasers and plush bunnies that look real excite me perhaps more than they should, but there is a considerable amount of childhood left in me that the world overlooked when it swept in to take my innocence. So, without further ado, here it is…a list of 37 delightful little things (and a few bigger things) to choose from that will turn your kids’ Easter baskets into Wowza! surprises.

1. Andy Warhol Crayon Set  Move over crayon boxes, there’s a cool new tin in town. How fabulous is this crayon tin? Desk statement piece for sure.

2. Ban.do Compliment Pencil Set  Besides the bright spring colors in this pencil pack, I love the messages that whisper things I hope my kids hear in their heads all day, like “Yes You Totally Can” and “You Are Just So Fun”.

3. Peter Rabbit Coloring Book  Dreamy spring scenes with Beatrix Potter’s classic illustrations. Pair with #1 on the list, and you’re good to go.

4. Anne of Green Gables Coloring Book  I’ll admit, this one is totally for me. But exposing my kids to things I love is my favorite, and using the kid language of coloring is a perfect way to do

5. Monarch Wings My dad bought these for the kids last year, and they love them. Super easy to slip on…just need a field of flowers to run through with their arms outspread.

6. Rhythmic Gymnastics Ribbon Wand  Last year’s Easter basket is when the Ribbon Wand entered our home last year, and it never went away. So proof that this is the Best Gift Ever.

7. Bunny Swaddle Blanket Plush It’s the built-in swaddle blanket that kills me.

8. Octopus Kite Kite season is upon us. Celebrate it by letting launching these tentacles into the sky.

9. Kids Hip Polarized Sunglasses …the hippest sunglasses, sized for kids…and only $6

10. North American Bear Plush Bunny Purse The perfect place for your little to stash a Bonne Bell Lip Smacker, a handful of jellybeans and a few Shopkins for Easter Sunday service.

11. 32 Ways to Dress a Bunny Activity Book I love the creativity this little book inspires. Each page holds a bunny drawing with empty space where the outfit should go so little minds can create their own fashions.

12. Flarp Noise Putty All my kids love Flarp. Nella, so much that it’s written into her IEP as an incentive that works.

13. 2018 Fashion Trends Coloring Book The cover of this coloring book is kind of design hot mess, the but the pages are great. Lainey will especially love this one–lots of fun, on-trend outfits to color.

14. Alex Modeling Clay. All the colors of the rainbow in one pack.

15. Cate & Levi Bunny Hand Puppet We are huge puppet fans in our home and haven’t added to our collection in a while. I love this brand and the sock puppet style of this adorable bunny.

16. The Pink Umbrella We always include a new book for each kid in their Easter basket. I’m in love with this book that just published last month. It has all the elements I love in a good children’s book–charming illustrations, a good story, lovely descriptions and word choice and a sweet life lesson–this one about learning to see that cheer is not reserved for only sunny days. Also, the main character owns a cafe called The Polka Dot Apron. So, I mean. It’s in the bag.

17. Aurora Bitty Plush Bunny We put these in the kids’ Easter baskets a couple years ago, and you would have thought we gave them real bunnies. The sweetest.

18. Wood Sling Shot This has Dash’s name all over it. Add a bag of marshmallows (safe to fling), and you have yourself a day’s worth of entertainment.

19. Sleepover Mad Libs I can already hear Lainey and her friends giggling over the stories they’ll make with these Mad Libs next sleepover. Never not funny.

20. Travel Spirograph Set It was a hit in the 80’s, so fool proof gift.

21. Rainbow Stacking Blocks This is like the Easter version of Jenga–the same wood block stacking fun but in beautiful spring colors.

22. Poop Emojo Ear Buds with Hands-free Mic Great for all ages, you can never go wrong with poop emoji gifts.

23. Sweet Easter 100-piece Puzzle I’m picky with puzzles, but we love this line because the way the colorful photos are laid out makes putting the puzzle together fun and doable. And with 100 pieces, it’s not too difficult and you can finish it in one sitting.

24. Bunny Baby Huggums I realize in a basket stuffer list where I try and keep prices low, this is a little more “luxuriously priced,” but I couldn’t leave it off the list because–I mean–it’s a bunny baby. And if you don’t yet have the perfect baby doll for your little one and want to use Easter as an excuse to get one, the Baby Huggums babies are my favorite–timeless.

25. Travel-sized Simon Game  I loved this game as a kid and had completely forgotten about it until I was searching travel games. It’s great memory-building practice and a fun one that all three of my kids will enjoy.

26. Melissa & Doug Secret Decoder Kids love playing detective and solving mysteries. This Secret Decoder story and activity book comes with decoder lens and magic reveal pen.

27. Splat Egg Ball It’s like the Koosh ball of this decade–strangely satisfying to play with.

28. Bunny Peek-a-Boo I shared this toy on Instagram Stories the other day and our love for it. It’s great for practicing spacial recognition skills and presents different levels of challenges on cards where kids have to arrange the four wooden pieces to recreate the picture. My kids get all into it (even Lainey, taking the higher level challenges). Plus, there’s a bunny.

29. Giant Bubble Set We pull this out every Easter, and it’s always a hit. This solution and wand allow you to easily create bubbles as big as yourself. Perfect for spring.

30. Janod Magnetic Take-Apart Taxi The Janod take-apart toys have been favorites in our home since Dash was little and span a nice age range from babies to big kids (he still plays with his)

31. Petit Collage Best Friends Magnetic Dress Up There are a lot of magnetic dress-up kits out there, but I’m particularly fond of this one. The illustrations and outfit combinations are positively charming.

32. Bunny Popper My kids love anything that flings or flies. With a simple push of the bunny’s stomach, the ball he holds in his mouth goes soaring (also they’re made of dense foam, so they don’t hurt too bad if you get hit).

33. Eyelash Swim Goggles The cutest swim goggles out there.

34. Find It Game These find-it games are such great things to have for car rides or rainy days. There’s an Easter version, but I love the classic one.

35. Shaking Things Up Newly published, this gorgeous book pairs illustrations by female artists with stories of 14 different revolutionary women from history to both teach and inspire children to be question-askers, trail-blazers and activists.

36. Parachute Men It’s a rite of passage for little boys to have one of these parachute men. This is Dash’s year.

37. Flying Gliders A pack of 12 because you know the first three you fly are going to get stuck on the roof/tree/gutter.

A few things you need to know about Valentine’s Day before we proceed to the “Love” portion of this post.

First, you need to know that I heavily procrastinate for Valentine’s Day school parties every year. Like I am running to Michael’s and Target before closing and keeping the kids up past their bed time to teach them the fine art of half-assing. “Can’t find tape? Just staple it.”

Secondly, I’ve learned that fifth grade is an “iffy” year for Valentine’s stuff at school. I mean, so help me God, you get a Valentine treat that’s suggestive of anything resembling love. Because boys. It went something like this:

Me: (throws package of awesome Valentine mechanical pencils with cool eraser toppers on table.) “I got these for you to include in your Valentine bags. Cool, huh?” (pauses for adoration)

Lainey: “Um, I’m not giving that to the boys.”

Me: “What? It’s fine. It doesn’t say love. It doesn’t even say like.”

Lainey: “NO. I’m not doing it.”

Me: “What if I use nail polish remover and try and wipe off the saying painted on the pencil?”

Lainey: “Maybe.”

Me: (Runs to bathroom. Returns with doused cotton balls. Rubs over pencil slogan. Takes off all the paint and smears the whole goddamn thing so it looks like some recycled gift–like some worn pencil we’ve been using for years). “Nevermind, the Hersey’s kisses will be fine on their own.”

Also, F.Y.I.: “You’re the burger to my fries” in fifth grade native tongue apparently translates as: “Marry me.”

And speaking of marriage and love…it’s one thing I don’t write about a lot–not because it doesn’t deserve to be written about, but because the deepest issues of marriage involve the deepest parts of TWO people. And while I’m pretty comfortable writing about my own weaknesses and the fact that I am straight up too much to deal with even for myself, I’m not in the business of writing about someone else’s weaknesses. You’d get a whole lot of admissions where I suck, and yet I would never write those things about Brett–not mine to share. So he’d come out a shiny hero, and you’d all write horrible things about me on the Internet. I’m kidding. (I have written a bit about marriage here.)

I used to envy shiny love-note-writing, “can’t get enough of my spouse” relationships on social media and in movies, but I don’t anymore. Because relationships are as unique as the people in them, and love has many facets. Comparing one’s love to another’s love is comparing apples and oranges. I so admire the love my grandma and grandpa had for each other, but living their love story would be a living hell for me. It was the era of women living for their husbands–finding value in buttering their husband’s bread–and in many ways, my grandma was defined by my grandpa’s love. It worked for them, but my love beats to the rhythm of a different drum.

Much of the challenges in our relationship come from the fact that we are very different. I’m a talker and a writer, and I have a lot to say about all the things. I could stay up all night discussing the complexities of love, writing 6-page sonnets about the different ways I feel it. Brett could say his feelings on the space of the paper inside a fortune cookie and still have room for the lucky numbers. I’ve learned to recognize and appreciate other ways he lives love.

I could say the same for all my relationships though. Loving our children, our parents, our brothers and sisters–that love often looks different than how we imagined it growing up. Sometimes love feels easy and all-consuming. Sometimes–a lot of times–love is hard.

I have found the best way to love all my people–to ride the tides of relationship challenges, to stretch and grow with the way the people I love change over the years–is to keep a love affair with the world on the side.  I do not expect the love of my husband or the affection from my children or the relationships with my friends and family to fulfill all my needs or be the air that I breathe because I am busy loving the world while I love them, and the world feeds so many parts of me. I am defined by all the loves, not by one.

I am thrilled by the love notes written for me by beach sunsets with pink skies and spotting new jasmine blooms on the bush in our front yard and the rainbow palette under the lid of a new box of sidewalk chalk. My love-hungry heart is fed in first cups of coffee, spotting elderly couples holding hands, the smell of Sunday morning cinnamon rolls in my kitchen, texts from my sister, Mary Oliver poetry, finding mint growing along the edge of the dock at the lake up north. Love is almond butter on an apple slice, the perfect name for a paint color, a request for help from a mom who needs a break and the opportunity to fill that request, a pat on the back for hard work and a job well done, the feeling of slipping under fresh cotton sheets dried on the line.

The more I drink in love from the world around me, the more my heart is expanded for more love. That expansion allows me to be more patient with the people I love most and understand more languages of love. It stretches me beyond my sometimes selfish expectations.

And of course, the love of coffee and color and jasmine blooms doesn’t come close to the love I have for this family of mine. I am ever so grateful for the opportunity to love them and learn from them. I am intoxicated with the satisfaction that I am tied, even in the smallest way, to their existence and the love they bring to the world.

No matter where you are today or whom you love or how those people love you back; no matter how many miles separate you from those you think about or years have passed since the last time you held them, the force of love–even when it’s hard–is still love, and it feeds us, stretches us, comforts us and reminds us of how wonderful life can be. Add the sunsets and the poetry, the flowers and the sidewalk chalk, and you have…a full heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Friends. xoxo

Eight years ago, I was holding a three-week old baby and learned about Down syndrome those first three weeks only enough to know that the D was capitalized and the s wasn’t. That knowledge came from spelling it wrong a few times and being corrected, but that was as far as I’d go. I can spell her diagnosis. I can hold her. That’s all I can handle right now. Immersing myself into anything that would reflect what adulthood would look for her was off the table. In fact, it wasn’t until she was six months old that I agreed to attend an event for adults with Down syndrome, and even then my stomach was in knots on the way there because I had reached a really good place, and I was terrified that what I would see and experience would make me sad. It didn’t.

Since then, I’ve been to a number of events for adults with special needs. I’ve sat in living rooms with these friends, watched movies with them, visited their college dorms, joined them at Target to shop for towels, texted back and forth with them regarding which sweater they should wear to a party and my personal favorite–dropped it like it’s hot on a dance floor. I got to do the latter again Friday night at Night to Shine, a prom for individuals with special needs, sponsored by the Tim Tebow Foundation and hosted on the same night every year by churches all around the world. Some of you know I’ve had my issues with the organized church, but this? THIS IS MY CHURCH. The faith encompassed in this event is a faith in humanity and goodness and love, and that is a faith that belongs to all of us. If you’re hesitant to step in churches like I sometimes am, this is the event where you will be glad you did. If churches did more of this, churches couldn’t contain a world in need of affirmation and love. This is what churches should be doing.

Every guest at Night to Shine spends the evening with a buddy (this is Allie, my beautiful date) and receives the ultimate prom experience from the moment they arrive.

(All photos in this post shared with permission from Jesi Cason Photography.) 

Guests choose jewels, have their hair and makeup done, take a limo ride and arrive back to the red carpet where fans are lined up on the sides, clapping and cheering their name as they make their entrance.

There are so many stories I want to tell you about the evening–about the moments of pure love I witnessed and felt. While every time I go to events like these, I know I am going to smile the entire night and cry from feeling overwhelmed with love, there are always unexpected things I take away–humbling lessons where I am stretched.

Heidi and I were talking about the event the next day (she did hair and makeup for it) and what we learned from it, and both of us took away similar lessons I think are relatable for anyone talking to people with special needs. I showed up putting so much thought and effort into making sure the people around me had a good time and felt love that I got in my head a little bit too much–Are you saying the right things? Are you asking too many questions? Is your tone of voice condescending? Is she having fun? Does she want to dance? Don’t talk so much. Talk more. Until I realized I was doing exactly what I don’t want people to do with my daughter. I was talking to a person with special needs rather than to a person. I was in my head, trying to say and do the right things when really all I needed to do was be myself. I had the opportunity to spend the evening with a beautiful woman, and all she needed was the same thing everyone else needs–to be seen and to be shown love. Turns out we had a lot in common–both in our thirties and drawn to the craft table.

So we colored and made Valentines and later headed out to the dance floor where you couldn’t not smile from all the love.

At one point in the night, I remember being surrounded by people dancing. It was dark, lights were flashing, and I couldn’t make out who was a guest and who was a buddy, but I finally saw my people in the far corner of the room–my dad and Gary who made this community their family too the day Nella was born. Gary signed up to park cars for the evening but ended up on the dance floor at the end of the night, and my dad? Well, he’s good at loving, and watching him dance with Stevie, his date for the night–hands in the air, his signature dance floor moves I know too well, huge smile and fully present with this woman who later told him “I hope you’re my date next year too”–it made me cry.

Eight years in, and sometimes I still feel so new to this world–ashamed it took having a child with special needs to truly pay attention to the love this community needs. I still worry that I’ll say the wrong things sometimes and even scanned this post with my “Wait–can I say that?” filter. It’s just that the love of this event and the people there is so concentrated, it strips me raw.

My dad told me a story from something he witnessed that night–a mom who was telling her son’s buddy a little about him before she walked away from him for the evening. “He understands every word you speak although he will not say a word,” she told him. “He will enjoy tonight like you can’t know, although he may not smile.” And then she turned to her son, held his face and said, “I’m the proudest mother here. I’m pointing you out to everyone and telling them, That’s my boy! That’s my boy!”

I can’t wait to be a part of Night to Shine again next year. You can too. Next’s year’s event will be held on February 8, and you can sign up now to find out more about one being hosted in your area and how you can get involved.

Watch last year’s video, and you will be ALL IN.

And if you are a parent wondering if this event is right for your child (age 14 and up), let me assure you that the event planners and volunteers thought of everything. EVERYTHING. The love and attention they gave was outstanding. They met the needs of individuals who have sensory issues, had multiple people spread throughout the event to make sure everyone was happy, taken care of, had an exit for a break if they needed one, had skilled caretakers who knew all the ins and outs of special needs, and the love–Dear God, the love they gave to everyone who showed up.

I am reminded once again what a privilege it is to be part of this community and to understand a little more each year with every event, each encounter, every handshake and hug, that we are all equally worthy of what the world has to offer, and that there is infinite beauty in our unique abilities.

And for anyone who’s ever looked at a parent of a child with special needs and thought “That would be hard” or “I could never,” let me remind you what every parent was thinking from the sidelines of the dance floor that evening: I’m the proudest mother here. I’m pointing them out to everyone and telling them, “That’s my boy! That’s my girl!”