You know how I know it’s going to be a good day? Because my intern is taking over this space today. I’m so happy to have Kirsta Graf back here today (she’s been busy at school!) talking about some pros and cons of college life and what she’s learning. If you’re new here, Kirsta has Down syndrome and is a first year student at Bethel University as part of their BUILD program. Bethel is one of the 267 universities in this country that offers inclusive higher education programs for people with intellectual disabilities. I had the opportunity last year to travel with Ruby’s Rainbow to witness Kirsta’s family drop her off at college (you’ll get to see all this next month, and you won’t want to miss it–tear jerker!), and now I’m so thrilled to have Kirsta share about her college experience here on the blog.
As Kirsta’s mom says, “It isn’t nothing” meaning it’s not like she dropped her off at college, waved goodbye and booked a cruise for Italy. There are a number of extra challenges, both for students and parents, that come with being a part of these programs, but Kirsta, her family and the university staff are committed to facing those challenges and finding creative ways to overcome them because they know that Kirsta’s future will benefit.
Kirsta’s mom shared, “A lot of the challenges that have come up at school are things we never thought to address with Kirsta. You don’t know what she doesn’t know until you find out that she doesn’t know it, if you know what I mean”–which is true of any child, but sometimes with intellectual disabilities, some of the secondary lessons you expect kids to pick up without having to literally lay them out need to be specified.
The wonderful thing about Kirsta’s college experience is that these life lessons are bubbling to the surface, giving everyone the opportunity to live through and learn them together, and the product is beautiful growth–sometimes in baby steps, sometimes in noticeable leaps. I’ve visited four colleges that offer these programs now, and I am so impressed with the staff that make them come to life. Expectations are high, and while all the resources these students need are provided, it can be challenging for parents to remove themselves as one of those resources to help their kids lean on the other ones they’re encouraged to use. Ultimate goal? More independence.
One of my favorite phone calls from Kirsta’s mom last year was when she called to tell me that Kirsta spent her monthly coffee shop budget in one week.
“Alicia,” I told her, “This is awesome. This means her college experience is just like everyone else’s because you do realize, thousands of other college freshman called their parents this year asking for more money because they were broke after the first week.”
And my favorite thing to hear about is how Kirsta, her family, peers and college staff work together to come up with creative strategies and accommodations to learn these lessons. I’ve tucked away many ideas, written things down and have been so encouraged by the lessons Kirsta is sharing. I know that we too will face these challenges in the future, and we will overcome them.
Today, Kirsta is sharing some pros and cons of college life and some of the things she’s learning.
Take it away Kirsta.
COLLEGE LESSONS I’VE LEARNED
Lesson 1:
College life is great because I get to go to a coffee shop called Royal Grounds a lot. I like to get Turtle Mocha or a Chai Tea or a Pumpkin Latte. BUT…
…sometimes I buy too much fancy coffee and I’m getting in trouble. I’ve had three in one day!
Lesson 2:
I love having fun and kind roommates. I have awesome girls on first floor Nelson Dorm! BUT…
…I missed my home and mom and dad and sisters. They miss me too, but they’re ok.
Lesson 3:
It’s awesome to climb a ladder into my cozy built-in bunk bed with a curtain. BUT…
it’s not fun to get the stomach flu away from home and throw up all over your bed (not so cozy then).
* Kirsta’s mom said she never thought about teaching Kirsta how to take care of herself when she’s sick, so they learned so many lessons this year!
Lesson 4:
I am proud because I have learned to do a Google calendar and I am good at it. I add things like, “Clean your glasses.” (my mom makes me.) BUT…
…sometimes I don’t check the Google calendar and I miss fun nighttime activities, like a Target run or a movie. And I have to clean my glasses!
Lesson 5:
It’ pretty cool that I get to make my own choices about a lot of things I want to do. My mom and dad could not tell me (ha!) BUT…
I had to learn to get up and be on time to class on my own. That’s been going ok. Now I’m an early bird. I always make it to breakfast.
Lesson 6:
My favorite is hanging out with friends from high school that go to Bethel. Especially “the guys”. BUT…
Learning to keep in my own space as a roommate is hard sometimes when you’ve had your own room.
Lesson 7:
It is helpful that my teachers really care and try to help me with my studies and learning to be independent. BUT…
My teachers don’t mess around. If we do something wrong or against the rules they are honest and we have consequences.
Lesson 8:
I had to do finals in my classes. I could Facetime my mom and dad and family if I was worried about finals, and I did fine. My sisters came to help me study too. BUT…
I was very nervous about finals. And I had a lot of tears about them. I sent A LOT of texts that said, “I’m nerves about finils.”
Lesson 9:
I live in a cool suite where I can watch movies and we have a coffee maker too. BUT…
It’s not my favorite to clean our room. We have to empty trash and vacuum and clean the bathrooms.
Lesson 10:
I love chapel and vespers and all the kind, loving, understanding students that Bethel has. AND…
I’m learning that I need also to be growing in love and kindness and thinking of others, not just myself.
I’m so grateful to have Kirsta in this space and can’t wait to share more of her journey with you. If you missed her first post, you can find it here. And it is my great pleasure to send Kirsta a check for every post she writes here. You can find out more about colleges that offer programs for people with intellectual disabilities at thinkcollege.net and more about Ruby’s Rainbow scholarship opportunities for people with Down syndrome here. Kirsta reads your feedback, and your words are encouraging and helpful. Tell us–what lessons do you remember learning in college and what challenges were particularly difficult?
Kirsta, I had to learn how to budge my money when I was in college too! It was harder than I thought it was going to be but you’ll get the hang of it. So glad that college is going great for you!
Thank you for thinking of me. I”m out of money today until Sunday.
You are doing an amazing job, Kirsta!
Like you, I missed my family like crazy when I went away to college and I must admit, I never stopped missing them. I did make friends that felt like family, but nothing replaces a hug from your mom!
Have so much fun!
I guess our family is always here for me.
I remembered the first time I got sick at college without my mom. I hated it and it was dreadful! But now I learn to take better care of myself so I don’t get sick quite as often. 🙂
I have learned that when my tummy hurts to wait to drink something. Thank you
Way to go Kirsta!!
Thank you for the great post. I really enjoyed reading it. 🙂
Krista, I admire how honest you are in sharing the pros and cons of college life! I remember with my first job out of college (so older than you!) I went to the mall and spent most of my paycheck on make up and clothes and then realized I also had to pay rent! Oops! We learn from our mistakes.
Thank you for sharing!
giggle. I’m learning how to budget on my money. But I love to spend money on cool coffee.
Great article, Krista & Kelle! College is such a wonderful place – full of learning and new experiences. I loved my time at my small, liberal arts school. Reading this makes me excited for my little sister, Laina, who has DS, to have those same opportunities :).
Your little sister will do it. She will do it.
Your attitude makes me smile, Kirsta. I just like you so much!
This was wonderful, Kirsta! Love hearing your updates.
Thank you.
Kirsta, you rock! I love hearing about all your adventures. Keep the great stories coming! xo
Thanks I will try.
Way to go, Kirsta! I went to Bethel (I graduated in 2005) and believe it or not – we DID NOT have a Royal Grounds when I went there, so the coffee drinks were not what took up my money – but it would be now! College life is the BEST and I loved a lot of the same things that you do at Bethel. I am so glad you are experiencing so much!
I love Bethel and my parents went her e too it’s put me in a great forward path.
So much has changed about campus in the past few years! KRISTEN K, come visit sometime…maybe Kirsta can show you around! 🙂
Krista, I remember my first time getting sick away from my mother in college. It was not fun! You’re doing a beautiful job at making friends and really involving yourself in your school. Keep up the good work, sweetie. You’re changing the world for the better. =D
I try to sparkle.
Great post Krista, thanks for sharing about your experience, it makes me miss college. I live in Minnesota just like you, but I root for the Vikings and not the Packers!
BOO. I am sorry for that. GO Pack. Aaron Rodgers -cutie alert.
🙂
I loved reading your post, Kirsta! You’re a wonderful writer and a true inspiration! I’m sorry to hear about your stomach flu! Getting sick away from home is no fun no matter how old we get; I’m almost 37 and I still want my mom when I’m sick. 😉 I would always get nervous for finals too, but learned that taking a quick study break to walk outside and get some fresh air really cleared my head and calmed the nerves. 🙂 You’re doing awesome at college and I look forward to reading more about your experiences!
I will try to walk outside to be calm. that’s a good idea.
Kirsta,
The first year of college can be hard! I learned living with roommates isn’t easy, and I came to appreciate all the cleaning my mom did at home ????
I am seriously so proud of you & everything you have learned.
You are amazing & an inspiration to all!!
Xoxo, Emma
Thank you. I hate to do the trash. ewww
Kirsta, I really enjoyed reading your article! I am from Germany so I always enjoy learning about university in the US! 🙂 I look forward to reading many more posts from you! I would also live to see some pictures of your favourite places atin Bethel!
I am 28 now and graduated two years ago and I remember my first year at Univerisity very well.Sometimes I felt overwhelmed with not having my parents and friends from home around and being stressed about finals, too. What always helped me is to talk to other students and learn that everyone feels like this!
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us!
you and I are alike that we feel overwhelmed sometimes. thank you for your advice.
Krista, I am an adult with two children in college and even I spend too much money on coffee! What a great learning experience for you and I love reading your posts. Also, I miss my kids who are away at school and my daughter still calls me when she gets sick and wants her mom.
Thank you what kind of coffee do you like. me turtle mocha.
Really enjoyed your post, Kirsta, you are a great writer! And I bought too many fancy coffees in college, too ????
My mom helps me with the typing we talk and she types/
Krista-
What a wise young lady you are to be so conscientious about your finals, your roommates and your coffee funds. keep up the good work girl!
Thanks you for that.
I’m a sophomore in college and budgeting is still something I struggle with. I have the opportunity to go to eat out whenever I want, but I’m learning I don’t always have the budget for it.
me neither.
Kirsta, so good to hear more about your college experience. Keep up the awesome writing!
I loved this post Kirsta! Sounds so much like when I went off to college. It is not fun to be sick without your mom there to take care of you! I still feel that way at 37. 🙂 And I also had to call home to ask for more money because I had gone over budget … yikes! Typical college life. 🙂 I am so excited to follow your journey!
It happens to everyone?I guess.
Krista! It’s so fun to celebrate you in this way! I am really proud of what you have accomplished. Stick to that coffee budget, cherish the new friends you make- you will keep them for life (yay!) and always go to class! You are loved!
Thank you for encouragement.
Thank you for thinking of me I missed my first last week… not good
Hi Kirsta, you are such an inspiration! I am a special education teacher, and am in my 8th year teaching. I love that you’re giving us a glimpse of what college looks like for an adult with Down syndrome. I am excited to direct the parents of my students to this to reinforce to them that college is possible!
My teachers and my para Karen Adams were always there for me and they love me and I had to obey too.
Tell your students to do their homework am
No get involved
And to get involved in school
Hi, Kirsta! Your posts remind me of how we are all more alike than we are different. I struggled with some of the same things that you did in college.
I’ve always been a neat freak so cleaning wasn’t a challenge for me … but laundry?! There were days that I would buy new clothes if I hadn’t done the wash yet. Major life lesson … just do the darn laundry already!
The other thing that I finally figured out was that it was easier to do well on tests and get good grades if (news flash!) I actually went to class! This was especially true of those 8:00 am classes. Another life lesson … showing up is half the battle!
Oh, and the teachers want students to do well and are there to help them so it’s good to go to their office hours and ask for help on things I struggled with or didn’t understand. Life lesson #3 … it’s OK to ask for help!
You’re doing great! You’ve got this. Sparkle on …!
We are working on this. My mom is working on this too, letting me ask for help.
Thank you for your advice. I always say get out there and sparkle
Hey Krista! We moved into our freshman year of college at the same time and I loved getting to see your experience through Kelle and Liz! I definitely faced some of the same problems last semester. Going from sleeping in my own room for 18 years to sharing a much smaller space with someone I had never met was a culture shock, but it has been nice to adjust to life with a roommate and make friends in my dorm. Thanks for sharing your stories with us, it’s so cool to see all the similarities between our first years!
Best of luck this semester!
ps: I learned how to make those fancy coffee drinks with the coffee maker in my dorm so I could save my coffee money for more fun things, like Target runs! See if there’s any you can DIY!
that’s a good idea
We’re the same age and where do you go to school?
Hey Kirsta! I go to Gonzaga University in WA. I’m not sure if we have a program similar to BUILD but I think Bethel is so cool for having it on your campus!
When I went to college I didn’t realize that I needed to buy all my snacks. At home food was just always bought by my mom. So, it was an adjustment to always be the one buying my food. Thank you for your post. I really enjoy getting to know you more through this blog. I look forward to your next post.
Yes I’ve asked my parents to bring me snacks
I’m so glad your first year is going well! I’m 27 and still learning how to stick to my budget for coffee!
It’s hard I know
Hey Krista! I will never forget the first time I was sick at college too! I was in the top bunk as well and instead of getting sick in my bed for some reason I leaned over the edge. It was not pretty and my roommate was totally grossed out and threw up too!
Keep up the hard work and enjoy the rest of freshman year!
That’s gross. Ewww
Hi Krista,
Thesis a very helpful post because I have a good friend who is in junior college, 19 years old and also has Down syndrome. You have given me some really good ideas about ways I can help him as he learns how to navigate become more independent, school, studying, classes and more. I think you write beautifully. I bet your family misses you, but honestly that is also part of growing up and becoming more independent. It sure looks like you are doing well at college. I look forward to your next post.
Good it will help
So proud of you Kirsta! What an amazing experience you are having….and learning so much! That is what college is all about!
Thank you molly! You’re my moms friend!!
I learned that I had to make sure I kept focused on my studies, which meant I sometimes had to say ‘no’ to things I wanted to do. I also had to learn how to carve out time for Sabbath.
I teach college students, and they need to read your lessons! You have learned a lot already. And lesson #7? So true. Never be scared of your professors, because they want to help you and get to know you and see you succeed–even if that means giving consequences. I’m sure your professors are delighted to have you in their classes. Keep up the great work!
Thanks for sharing your Pro’s and Cons! It sounds like you are having an incredible college experience. Way to go! I think your top 10 are a great reminder for “balance”…. Balance is important (but sometimes very hard) In all corners of life, from coffee purchases to studying to worrying to cleaning up our homes. Thanks again and best wishes on the “home stretch”.
I got married as a teenager to another teenager, so my college experience looked vastly different than everyone else around me. Here my classmates were, partying every weekend, skipping class if they were too tired because their parents were paying for school anyways, going shopping, hooking up and the like. And there I was, paying a mortgage, mowing my lawn, working two jobs while attending school full-time, writing letters to my deployed husband, drinking only water, spending evenings alone studying, and paying for everything myself (so there were NO extras!). And I struggled with that for a while, until I realized that MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE DOES NOT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE’S. It was okay to be me, it was okay to embrace the life stage I was in, and it was okay to not do what everyone else was doing around me. That was immensely freeing, and I’ve never regretted it since.
You are t
Right
Krista, we’re so proud of you. You set the bar high! Dawn & John
I loved reading your post. It reminds me of my college days. I’ve never heard of turtle mocha but it sounds amazing! Sorry you were sick- I hate the stomach flu so much! I agree knowing professors is so important! Mine gave me extra help when I needed it. I agree cleaning is no fun but so necessary! Finals stress gets easier the more times you go through it. It’s never easy but it’s not as hard when you get more used to it. Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more from you!
Hi Kirsta, I’m Kate from faraway India. Hang on a minute. If I can communicate with you, I can’t be that far away, right?
As Kelle rightly pointed out, I have learned from your experiences fo sho. BUT I was also made aware of a few things that are so routine, I didn’t realise they can be counted as a fist pump moment for myself.
For example, you learning to use your Google calendar. I struggled, too, to use 2G phones (waaaay back). Later, I struggled with swiping on my smartphone. (Hah. My phone couldn’t have been such a smarty-pants if it couldn’t cope with my learning curve, huh?)
We have a lot of other things in common as well. Here’s another example, um, with a story that I would like to think is not exclusively mine.
>Now I’m an early bird. I always make it to breakfast.
– I’ve been all an early bird all my life. When I lived in the (small) college hostel, our cafeteria opened doors at 6.30 a.m. Guess who would pound on the doors 5 five minutes (actually more *sheepish look*) early? *grin*
Whoever said ‘Breakfast is the most important meal of the day’ is right! For me, at least. Being blessed all my life with a tummy full of food I like early in the morning, I go on to carpe …. no, not the diem, but moments.
Hey Kirsta, I’ve got a tip for ya!
A good day doesn’t stroll by very often, yeah? So carpe-ing diem(s) are kinda hard. Meh. No biggie. Go for a moment. Carpe moments. Because moments strung together form part of a day. And parts of the day, um, hook up to form a whole day!
That’s exactly what Kelle’s blog is all about, too, innit? Looking for little things that lift us? And revelling in the privilege afforded us via the experience?
So go on, Kirsta, carpe the little things and enjoy it all!
A hug for those not-so-fun times,
Kate
Kirsta, so great to hear from you and hear about all you are learning in college! Thank you for sharing.
Kirsta ~ you are AMAZING!!! I love reading your insight on every situation. I cannot wait for your next installment!
My daughter went to college last fall (my first child to go away!). I think your list, Kirsta, is very similar to her list though I am not sure it includes learning about getting the stomach flu just yet! Maybe that would be a good one to miss out on. Still, my Katie would tell you that learning these lessons is good for her – making her more independent and, at the same time, grateful for her family and their care of her.
Your post is articulate and funny and sweet. Keep up the good work, worry less (something I tell my Katie too!) and enjoy this time in your life. It is a special time that you will remember always.
Kirsta! It is so exciting to hear about your college experience away from home! You are such a rockstar doing all the things! I definitely know the feeling of getting sick and not having someone take care of you. I still want my mom every time I get sick! Remember the Brat diet- B=bananas R= Rice A=applesauce T=toast! That is the one thing I learned when I get an upset stomach!
Being independent and on your own can be hard at times but with your hard work and good friends around, I know you will be able to do anything you set your mind to!
You sure are rocking the college life Kirsta…sounds like you are having a great time not only learning but also being independent…that is an awesome step in the right direction. You rock! I hope you have the best time in college don’t worry, finals will be easier each time you take them. Sending good thoughts and vibes your way!
Krista, I love your posts!! ❤️❤️
Your mom and family sound awesome too! I am so glad you are close with them.
It sounds like you have so many awesome experiences!
I had to stop choosing pizza for every lunch and dinner at the cafeteria.
Kirsta!!!! When I was a JUNIOR in college, I called my mom BAWLING over finals at 3 am. I really freaked her out ????! I made it just fine though, and you will too! Keep up the great work!
Kirsta, it sounds like you are having a very successful first year of college. Congratulations! You almost have one year in!! I really enjoyed reading your blog, which I found through Facebook. Could you tell me how I can keep up with your future posts?
Takes me back! I wish I had learned to get up in the morning my first year!! Really enjoyed hearing about your experiences. Thanks for sharing 🙂
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