Enjoying the Small Things

Enjoying the Small Things

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Half Way Point

July 22, 2010 By Kelle

How can it have only been half a year when she has so wholly filled our hearts?

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Today is my girl’s half-year mark.

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Six months ago on a sunny afternoon, her little body slipped out and I reached out to grab her. Six months ago, her eyes met mine and ripped apart my soul, stretching it to fill what would follow…just love.

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And in six months, I have learned more the deep truths of motherhood and life and accepting the ebb and flow of life’s events and molding my perceptions like clay, rolling them out, kneading them over and over to make something beautiful.

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We all have our journey, we all have our souls that mold us whether they are young or old, different from others or very much alike. We all have stretches in our life that are difficult to tread and so we take our time and walk slowly and carefully, learning along the way.

So much I have learned…and so much I still have to learn.

But, right now…in this moment…I have so much. My expectations of these months have been so far exceeded. In this moment, I have her. Her little body that molds across me, her eyes closed, her arms stretched out above her, her song of breathe-and-suck, breathe-and-suck humming as she falls asleep against me.

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Nella, you were so very meant to be. And while I thought I had life figured out, I realize no one really does. Life is too grand to contain into the box I thought it should fit in. And it is made up of so much more than I thought I’d ever know.

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I don’t know the answers or the future or what it all means. But I do know I was made to be the mama of two sweet little girls, each destined to fit into our family in their own unique way. Watching you fill your space with squinty-eyed smiles and cuddles that mold into our nook has been beautifully soul-stretching. And I yearn for more…for what I will learn being your mama, for how we will love as a family. For many birthdays, picnics, Christmases, coffee mornings, late-night movies and hand-held walks to come.

One thing is certain. You are ours, Little One. And we are blessed.

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And on this half birthday, I love you a whole bunch.

Filed Under: Uncategorized 287 Comments

Bedtime

July 22, 2010 By Kelle

My Sweet Girls,

When the night is dark and the stars slip out of slumber,
When the moon hangs bright and the sun sets to sleep,
When the city settles and the streets are quiet and babies just like you are being kissed and loved and snuggled…

There is magic.

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When the coming and going of the day is long gone and all that is left is you, my loves…you to drink in with your sleepy bodies and little eyes that look deeply into my soul and soothe all the stresses away…when night welcomes us all to the security of the big bed where we stretch out and surrender to the beauty of all that is us…all is right with the world.

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You blink and yawn, fan your fingers and kick your legs…consuming every last bit of the day’s energy lest it go to waste.

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You whisper made-up words to the stories we’ve read to you many nights from this same bed…except tonight, you sing them–softly and sweetly–as little sister intently listens.

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And, once again I attempt to put words to just how much I love you both…

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At night I am reminded of just how little being little lasts. For it seems just yesterday both of you were swaddled against me, tiny and grasping my skin in the dark. It seems just yesterday we slept sandwiched together on your first night in our home…when Mama woke up in the night to feed you and hot, happy tears rolled down my cheeks for just how blessed I felt.

But you grow. We grow. And on nights like this I drink you in. Your littleness. The scuffed feet of your soft worn jammies. The way your lashes scoop and curl and make feathered little cups when your eyes are closed. The way your lips beg me to kiss them. The way your hands lie open until I lie my finger in them and you–even in your sleep–close your fist and grasp on. I know you know I’m here.

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The enchanting sleepytime rituals we share are gifts I cherish so. Yes, there is magic in the night. I love you both so very much my sweet little fireflies. Sweet dreams, Baby Girls.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized 139 Comments

Orlando Weekend

July 19, 2010 By Kelle

Get a load of this sky…

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It is the sky that welcomed me this weekend when I took the littlest and three of my friends up I-75 and over I-4 to Orlando for the 2010 NDSC convention. That’s National Down Syndrome Congress for those who don’t speak special needs.

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I didn’t know what to expect. And I would be lying if I didn’t say, three-days-shy of six months into this, I was a little nervous about the emotional aspect of what it would be like to throw myself into this–to enter a convention where thousands have traveled from six different continents to be a part of this. Where young and old with Down syndrome, across the entire spectrum of abilities would be present in one place at one time. And it was a see-sawing mindset of Brace Yourself. Push Yourself. Brace Yourself. Push Yourself.

But I knew I needed to be there. And I also knew expanding the weekend into some time with my girls, some poolside drinks, some hotel snuggling with the bunny–it would all be so good.

So we mapped out the way and set out for our drive, equipped with coffee, combos, sour punch straws and other gas station candy aisle necessities. The If Book came along as usual and, by Hour Three into our drive, we had cried, we had laughed, we had stopped three times for bathroom breaks, nursing breaks, and letting-Stephanie-do-weird-bodily-contortions-on-the-grassy-knoll-of-the-7-11-parking-lot-for-her-sciatic-nerve breaks.

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I love my friends. I love that we grow together. That we’ve been there for each other for so much. That we hug and cry and remember pain one minute but the next we are rolling on the floor in our hotel room, gripping our sides with laughter because life is way more funny than it is sad. And because watching Stephanie lie on the floor of a posh hotel lobby lifting her leg to ease her back pain is really, really funny.

And the conference? Much like that welcoming sky above, I must say. The clouds in my mind parted and happiness and love and the reality that the meaning of life can be found where you least expect it just came spilling out of that place. My fears were melted, my nervousness dissolved, and I was so happy to be in the presence of such greatness. So many incredible families and hearts and smiling faces.

We were more than honored to accept the National Media Award for Enjoying the Small Things. And standing there with Nella in my arms and the love of so many around us, I just felt…blessed.

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I am not afraid. I was born to do this.

And by the end of the night, my cheeks hurt from smiling. There were magic chromosomes everywhere. From the older couple that held hands and came running over to see Nella and the way they ooooed and ahhhed and cooed “Oh, isn’t she sweet?” From Jeremy, the kind young man who held my hand and hugged me, and rubbed my baby’s jammied foot in his hand. “She’s beautiful,” he said. From the teenage girl with the green glasses that matched her green eyes who told me she had to get to the dance because she and her boyfriend were going to be cuttin’ loose on that floor…and the way her mom rolled her eyes and smiled and said, “We’ll see about that.” From the boy who weasled his way through tables while the ceremony was still going on because he wanted to hug Nella…and to tell me “Your speech made me cry. Your speech touched my heart.” And from the many souls in that place that may not have had an extra chromosome but had been touched by one. The pediatrician who sat to my left, the geneticist who sat to my right–and the way they talked about life like it was big and grand.

From Kayla…the four-year-old who stole my heart. And I really wanted to take her home to play with Lainey…to love on Nella. But her mom said she really wanted to keep her.

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Amy, your daughter is amazing, you are amazing, and I can’t stop talking about how wonderful your family and your little beauty are.

Oh, happy heart.

The rest of the weekend matched that evening’s greatness. With late-night fondue and huddling around a bonfire until 1 a.m.

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With spending the day stretched out under the sun, corraling Nella into a little nook on my inner tube and snuggling her close as we leisurely drifted past waterfalls and rock walls on the lazy river. We tunneled through tubes and slick loops on the water slide as we screamed and laughed and attempted graceful splashes when it deposited us into the cool waters of the pool. And we lounged, sipping drinks, catching up, and drinking in every drop of bliss the weekend ladled out.

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If you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. And if you give a girl a shower cap, she’s totally gonna want to wear it in public. Especially if you dare her.

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By the end of the weekend, Nella was pooped. So pooped, she brought out the leave-me-alone face.

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…rivaled closely by her clouds-parting-and-the-glory-of-heaven-shining-upon-her face.

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And, oh did I miss my sprite. We don’t part very often so, by the time we arrived late last night, my tank was empty and refilled when I slid into cold sheets next to her and cuddled and kissed and whispered to her just how much I missed her.

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And when a little time separates us, I am obliged to compensate for missed moments. And compensation often comes in a form that has two sticks of butter and a bag of chocolate chips.

And tonight we sat in the driveway, dipping cookies, sipping cold milk, talkin’ about life. And to a three year old, that conversation includes whether tomorrow we will play Memory or baby dolls? Wear Dora underwear or Elmo? Eat oatmeal or cinnamon toast? And somewhere in there, I will throw in a “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”…and she will cock her head to the side, squint her eyes, settle into a nice little shy smile and say…”Very much, Mama”

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Oh, a lovely weekend it was.
Katie, Stephanie, Marsha…I love you. My weekend memories are so precious.

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And Heidi…seriously. Come home from Michigan. Please!

Happy Monday! The skies are spilling sunshine this week…get a cup and fill it.

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Filed Under: Designer Genes, Friends, Travel 241 Comments

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