I will not always write about ‘what happened’ to us.
And I will soon not think of it as what happened to us…but for us. In fact, I’m already there.
I will move on.
But, for now…it is therapy. To write these feelings. To take them someplace safe.
My dad says friends are asking him, “how is she really doing?”
And the truth is…just fine.
I cry every day still.
And there are times I think it’s all a dream.
But, it’s not.
Perhaps it’s not quite coming to grips with things yet…or perhaps it will always be this way…but I fear becoming known as ‘that Down Syndrome family.’
…because this does not define us. This does not define her.
It’s just I need a little time to stay here for awhile.
But, eventually…I will continue to write about what I’ve always written…simply life. Our beautiful life.
We are the same family. …who happen to have this beautiful child who maybe isn’t quite like the others, but then again…she so is.
She’s so tiny…just like Lainey.
And she growls softly in her sleep like a little cub.
She loves when we hold both of her hands, and she falls into a relaxed trance when we hum softly in her ear.
The “It’s a Girl” balloons in the house are slowly deflating. The fragile edges of the flower petals are browning. And the monumental moment of the beauty of her birth is stretching further and further from where I can still touch it…taste it’s sacredness. But, you know when I can feel it? At night. When it’s dark and all are asleep except her and I. She sleeps with me…and our hearts beat together as she lies on my chest and I hold her tiny hands. And I talk to her…and, I swear, she understands.
I bring her face to mine until we are breathing each others’ breaths, and oh, is it beautiful. I look forward to night because night is finally beautiful again.
And last night, I leaned over to my blonde little wisp of a girl who was fast asleep with a puppy ear gripped between her fingers…and I cried as I whispered in her ear just how very proud I am of her. I told her I couldn’t have done this without her…and that she means so much more to me than she ever has before. I worry she will get lost in this tangled shuffle of emotions…but then I watch her and realize, we’ve done something so right. Because she is not lost…she’s right there with me all along, smiling, showing me how this is supposed be done…leading the way.
I don’t think I’ve changed a single diaper without her help yet. In fact, she apparently tried one without my help tonight, but thankfully I noticed a cock-eyed onesie, a tiny leg unleashed from some jammies and a half-taped diaper before a catastrophe. I looked up to big guilty eyes and, before I even needed to ask, she admitted…”me did it.” I love messed-up pronouns.
With Brett gone, I am truly breathing in the beauty of being a mama of two girls while simultaneously experimenting with seeing just how big my laundry pile can grow before I have to wash it. Because I seriously don’t care. Clean underwear are overated if you ask me.
I told my friend the other day that this whole thing has completely changed me. I even went so far to say I didn’t care about buying another pair of shoes again in my entire life. And I like shoes. She told me it would come back…that I will always like shoes because that’s just how I am.
Yesterday, I took my girls out just for a bit…for fresh air. For a sense of normalcy. And I ventured in a shoe store…just to see. I didn’t need any shoes and knew I wouldn’t buy any…just tried some on. And you know what? I still like shoes.
Because this is who we are. We are a normal family who do normal things. We live life to its fullest, and now…even more so.
So, as fitting, just like old times, tonight…
…to the lake we went.
Lainey joined by her friend, and I by mine…and Nella slung to my chest, hanging just about where she resided a month or so ago, the last time we traveled here.
We spread a blanket over the stiff grass, unpacked watermelon and crackers and cold grapes from the picnic basket…and watched as the sun set behind the stretch of trees.
…and Nella basked in the evening light and listened as her sister laughed and ran laps along the lake…just like she will someday.
Evening has us huddled for another girls night accompanied by a crackling fire…and much happiness.
We are the same family. But better.
Thank you, Thank you…from the bottom of my heart…for your beautiful comments. I read every one, am touched by every one, and know more now that there is so much more beauty in this world than I ever allowed myself to see. Thank you.
You are amazing and resilient and a gorgeous mommy all rolled into one big ball of mommyhood. You do things that make other mommies realize that anything is possible. I’ve cried all day reading your story, and it’s not just because of my pregnancy hormones but rather because of the inspiration you are to more people than you’ll ever know. Your daughters are both gorgeous wonderful little girls.
And thoughts of Nella inspired her Poppa tonight:
“We’ve got an issue here” the quality control angel called out.
“What’s the problem?” asked God, in a voice that already seemed to calm the concern.
“It looks like an extra chromosome…one, two…yes, right here, an extra one.”
Now smiling, God answered, “That’s not a quality concern…it is…a distinction…the Manual addresses it. You’re new on the line, aren’t you?”
“Why yes…this is my first day,” apologized the angel–searching through the manual for any reference to this.
“I’ll talk you through it…there are just a few assembly modifications. First, locate the hug sensors. Do you see the dial?”
“Yes, right here…oh, I think I tickled her.”
“Turn it up.”
“How much?”
“All the way.”
“Done.”
“Now locate the two smile triggers—they are located on either side of that cute little button nose.”
“I found them.”
“Adjust them a little closer to the surface…closer…closer…perfect!”
“Is that it?” asked the obedient angel.
“Almost,” answered God. Now, very gently, open her heart. That’s it. Measure two…no, make it three extra scoops of love.”
“Will it fit…it’s so tiny?”
“Oh, these little hearts stretch incredibly. It will fit.”
“Done…is that it?”
“One more thing…move her from the random distribution belt to the select premium belt. These little ones aren’t just given to anyone.”
“There…she’s done and ready to go,” announced the angel.
God stepped over, as if to inspect the handiwork of this new angel on the line. But that wasn’t His intent. Instead, He picked up this little one and held her close to His heart…holding her for so long the angel became concerned.
“Is she alright? Did I do everything as you instructed?”
Still holding her close, God said, “She’s perfect. I just find it hard to let these special ones go, for they are Heaven to hold.” And He gently kissed her cheek and sent her…Nella Cordelia, to our hearts.
Oh, Kelle…another brilliant post. And, Rik…are you kidding me!? Where’s that waterproof keyboard!! Seriously. Someone please FedEX me mine ASAP! :)I sit here reading Kelle’s post, and your comment..and I shed tears. Beautiful, happy, happy tears! I love you all!
i somehow linked to your site and story of sweet Nella’s birth the other evening and have thought and prayed and cried and felt joy for your family since. i have a sweet little sister with Down syndrome. we’re now both in our twenties… and just like with my other sisters we do have grown-up conversations about life, make each other laugh, have inside jokes and even get into arguments. She truly changed the landscape of my family, but my life with her as my little sister has been so much richer. i know that Lainey too will one day look back and know how blessed she is to be the big sister of such a special girl. there are challenges and frustrations and i want more than anything for her not to have to be different or stand out in the world and there are times my heart breaks for her, but i also know such a deep love because of her that i would never trade who she is for anything. with each year and each phase from infancy to school through puberty to graduating high school to her now working 2 jobs and wanting to live on her own there have been new challenges and triumphs, but it is such a great journey. i can tell you, as i am sure you have already realized in Nella’s short life, that your heart will never be the same. every milestone is so beautiful and exciting, especially when you have to wait a little extra longer or wonder when they will ever meet it. i know your heart will ache with weight of all that is having a child with Down syndrome for a while, but from the flip side looking back on 21 yrs of my sister’s beautiful life i know that it will get better and the joys well so much override the hard days. i am so grateful to know that Nella was born into a family and community of friends filled with so much love and support. she’s gonna blow you away…
I just found your blog today and I can’t stop reading or crying for that matter. What a beautiful, incredible story of love. I am moved by your words and I hope that one day when I am blessed to become a mother that I will have the strength, courage and grace that you have as you mother your two beautiful girls. Thank you for sharing your life and for your honesty.
She’s really a special special little lady. And one day when she can fully grasp that, there will absolutely be NO DOUBT in her mind. You are a precious momma. Feelings will come and go, but love is not a feeling, and will last forever.
My third boy (9mts) also has the magical chromosone 🙂 this road is less travelled but you will find many many friends to show you the way….I will keep reading.
Welcome to our beautiful world Nella. I am very happy to meet you and your family.
Welcome Nella! You are so beautiful!
You write with incredible honesty and your words truly touch my heart. Tears stream down my eyes and I read your words that are so beautifully written that it feels like I know you and your family. Your girls are absolutely beautiful. Welcome to the world sweet Nella.
Congratulations! Your Nella is darling. Prepared to be amazed.
Wow. I just got finished reading Nella’s birth story. I was 26 when my Ella Grace was born and surprised us by having Down syndrome, my son was 2 at the time. To say I was devistated would be the biggest understatement. I remember for weeks after her birth all I could say was “I want my old life back.” My perfect 2 year old, my perfect world. So, your story really touched me and your words were so very familiar to me.
I will say now, my Ella is 3 1/2 years old, I cannot imagine my life without her, without Down syndrome. She is amazing, beautiful, spunky, smart, strong, inspirational, FULL of attitude, fiercly independant and so much like a typical 3 year old. She is my gift. She opened my eyes and heart to a whole new world, and I appreciate every little thing so much more. It is a long journey to full understanding and acceptance, BUT I promise you will get there and you will be so much better for it!!!
If you ever want to chat privately by email please feel free to say or ask me anything. I have felt it all and really do know where you are…..
my email is fbkspeach@yahoo.com
Oh my goodness! To both the heart-fufilling post and pictures, and to Poppa’s post. I really want to know if he wrote that because I am awed and blown away! It is sooo incredible! Man you are one lucky person Kelle! And you SO know it! 🙂
I love that last picture of the three Hampton ladies 🙂
So funny about clean underwear being overrated, hahaha! Before I had my own washer/dryer, sometimes I would buy new socks or new undies just so that I could put off going to the laundromat for another couple of days, haha!
I love that Lainey is such a good helper with Nella – you’ve got some good little girls there! 🙂
Kelle- I’ve left you a message on your yahoo email account – I wasn’t sure if you were checking it regularly, so I wanted to let you know. Your blogs are beautiful and Poppa’s comment today was perfect. You have such a gift- when someone sees the unique beauty in the world and the tiny emotional moments and can capture them both on camera and in words, they are special indeed. When you are ready, please contact me. Meanwhile, you and Nella are touching so many hearts.
Kelle you’ve come to be my bedtime story, inspiring, soothing…you and your beautiful family. And Kelle, I know that you and Poppa share a special chromosome too, as the two of you touch so many lives. Thanks for sharing your world.
Kelle,
I will never meet you. Yet in the way you tell your story, see the beauty and the best in the small things, makes me believe we, as all who have poured their love for Nella, are kindred spirits.
I love the sweetness of your girls.
You capture it beautifully…
Love from your Australian lurker, Bella
Nella is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing her with us, it is a real privilege to get to know her and your family. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I have not read all the comments since your beautiful and touching telling of Nella’s birth so this may have been mentioned already, but you should get a book called “You Will Dream New Dreams” it was written by and for parents just like you. I think, at least, you’ll find it reassuring to know that what you are experiencing and feeling are normal.
God bless!
I can’t pull myself away from your blog. I find myself opening it up every few hours just to see your beautiful girls, hear the inspiring music and read your story. You have been blessed with an amazing gift of writing and being able to put all of your emotions into words. I relate to everything that you are writing. I also didn’t want to be defined as the “down syndrome family” and think that is why I was so adamant that we needed more children. I had two more after Morgan and now we are one big family. When I started blogging 3 years ago I didn’t really mention Down syndrome. I wanted people and friends to be able to see that we were still just us and that Ds didn’t define us, but as I found other blogs of new moms out there I felt like I needed to talk about it because there were different things that we were all going through and it was so much easier to go through it together. It’s been therapeutic and healing for me. I wish I would have had a blog when Morgan was born so I would have more of my feelings and thoughts written down. This will be an amazing record of your journey. I felt the exact same way as you after my daughter was born and had my 24 hours of crying my heart out and had come to a place of peace…I realized my life had just gone from ordinary to extraordinary and that I was so lucky to have her as my daughter. We are so lucky!!! I hope it’s ok that I put a link to your blog on my blog and fb. I just wanted everyone to be able to read your story. http://www.sealbark.blogspot.com
hi there..
just wanted to say i also was linked through a random place and have read your story 8 times since last night. i have a two month old and haven’t been this moved since he was born. you are amazing and i think your blog is just about to get very popular. keep being who you are and you will be helping others more than you will ever know. you were meant to do this.
🙂
Just love to read your story! We have a 4 year old boy with DS and I can tell you there will be a lot of JOY in your life!
I will continue to follow your story!
I just wanted to say how much your girls have touched my heart. I am overwhelmed by your words, and the beautiful photos. I look forward, everyday, to read more. Thank you.
The photos of your husband and little Nella are gorgeous. He just exudes raw emotion and love that appears uncluttered with other thoughts. He just loves her and looks…content. You are very lucky to be sharing this with him. Keep having your daily crying fits, they are cathartic.
You make me smile … and enjoy this beautiful journey we call life! Love to you, friend! Have a good day …
I just found your blog today. What gorgeous words and even more gorgeous pictures!! I have a much adored 12 year old daughter with Down syndrome. My older daughter just won a full scholarship to college using her essay titled
“21” on the 21 ways her sister has enriched her life. Welcome to this greatly enriched world!
Madisyn, Nella wrote it, I just penned the lines.
Kelle and Poppa- You both are such a joy to read. You are all doing so well. There are so many emotions and hormonal surges after the birth of any child. It’s such a beautiful ride though.
Hugs to you Momma- you are such a lucky, lucky girl- you have so much love and support surrounding you. You are to be envied. You’ll see- or perhaps you already do…
I came to your blog through Heather. I have a six year old daughter with Down syndrome. I enjoyed reading your recent posts. You indeed are on a wonderful journey, and with time you will realize that all the grief you felt was only necessary for you to change gears from what you had imagined, because life with Down syndrome is not what youever could have imagined it to be. Yes, Nella will have challenges but her life will be as wonderful as you imagined it to be before she was born. I feared being thought of as the “Down syndrome family” too, and remember thinking that I would never think of my Rachel as perfect. I was so wrong. Down syndrome is just such a small part of who we are as a family and who Rachel is as my daughter. Congratulations on the birth of your new baby girl! She is perfectly beautiful!
I’m happy to see you back on top of the world, doing the same old normal things in the same old normal way. It’s always a challenge to get back in the swing of things when you add a newbie to the mix….and you have done fantastically well! Both your girls get more beautiful every day.
I came across your blog by accident and I am honestly happy that I did. I found myself reading months and months worth last night and it is all very beautiful. I have a daughter, about the same age as Lainey, and we’re expecting our second in July. Your words have truly touched and inspired me. Through the ups and downs you portray life as what it is; beautiful. Take comfort in the joy of a new little life and know that God will continue to bless your wonderful family.
Kelle, In my humble opinion, ‘what happened’ is real & not something that that one should move on from…..you got it, you understand it, you embrace it. So healthy to know that to write is your therapy!
In reading so many of the posts, from parents of DS children….I. for one, am energized to experience the growth and beauty of Nella unfold. As for Lainey being in the tangled shuffle of emotions, if anyone can untangle them SHE CAN…she is!
xo,
Bug & Ruby’s Gram
ps…I actually read today without tears!
The pictures of Lainey and sweet Nella are precious!
yay for back to normal. hooray for the family bed! there is nothing more heavenly then sleeping with your baby. after all you did it for 9 months, its kinda hard to break cold turkey.
aww sweet lainey trying to help. she’s such a good big sister. i love the “me did it” and the guilty face. jonah, on the other hand, tries to jam pieces of foam in his brothers ears. upon being caught, he quickly says – “i be good boy”. uh huh.
nella just gets cuter and cuter! lol, she even looks like me. i can’t wait for the next time you come up to MI and we can get pics of her and lucas together. they will look like brother and sister! 🙂
xoxo
You are gifted with such an eye for beauty! God knew this and sent you Nella because he loves you so much and wanted to give you this gift filled with an extra deep and special beauty that he knew you would be able to see and appreciate!
Wow, what a story and what a gift you have to write the songs in your heart. A true inspiration. Love it! A grand life you have indeed and how very blessed you are to have the perspective you have. Very sweet.
A friend posted a link to your blog yesterday, and I’ve instantly fallen in love with reading about your amazing family, and the strength you show. I have a brother with special needs and you inspire me, to the core. I hope you don’t mind me continuing to read and get to know you through your words.
kelle,
i have never met you in person. i feel like i know you through janie. and more so now through your two beautiful girls…..lainey and nella are just spectacular, true gifts. and since reading your magnificent true feelings i hope i meet you soon.
you. are amazing.
i live a similar path kelle, and although our road is different than than the average, i feel lucky and wouldn’t veer at any fork. my heart and soul are bigger because of my life with mikey and lily. hugs. love. debby
i kept seeing links to your birth story post pop up on facebook, or my baby boards. i’m currently “overdue” right now – & thought it would be nice to read a birth story – but everyone said they were crying & it gave me pause in my hormonal fragile state.
i finally opened it up to read…
i have been so incredibly blessed by your honestly & the beautiful way that you are honouring your tender little chicky.
i wish everyone would read Nella’s story & be affirmed that *life is beautiful*.
Beautiful job, mama.
Kelle-
I think your gonna need an agent, you super-star blogger girl. I see you on Oprah one day and you will be the star, not her. Keep it up, my way-with-words friend.
xo
Your girls are absolutely perfect. Both of them. Your words move me to be a better mother. I tear up from your beautiful words. My baby is almost three and I know soon she will figure out the pronoun business but right now my favorite thing ever is when Stella says “Me love you”. Melts my heart.
Much, much love to your and your beautiful family.
So much beauty, your words, your love, your family. The blessings and love pour from every word, every photo and you have such lovely readers as well! I just found your site today and reading it feels like a comfortable, warm, welcoming place. Blessings to you.
I found my way to your blog when a friend posted a link to Nella’s birth story yesterday. You are such an amazingly strong woman and your girls are absolutely beautiful. Your words are so touching and bring me to tears. God bless you and your family!
Kelle,
Thank you for your wonderful blog. You are amazing. A friend shared it with me and I just sent it to my family. My mom and I were in tears. I am 23 weeks pregnant with our second baby girl and we got the confirmed diagnosis for Down syndrome. I am going through all the emotions you did in just a few days. I pray our baby girl makes it here safely so she can “fix” me. I am so hopeful my girls will have each other to love and protect. Thank you for your honesty and your wonderful pictures of your beautiful family. This has helped me so much.
. . . and we were always so worried you didn’t have a lot of friends . . remember? Take the time to read these over and over – you are special to have all of these “friends” . . . and my Ms. Nella gets more precious with each new picture. Proud of you today and always , love, roberta
laundry is so overrated when there is a baby in your arms.
beautiful, mama.
Oh how He loves you!
I have my “Heidi” in my life too…her name is Heather and she is my sister and best friend. We are blessed to have them.
I know exactly how you feel-“The Down syndrome family”-Don’t want that either but you know what, now you can be an advocate for your beautiful daughter so if that’s what people remember than so be it. You’re still a “normal” family and do “normal” things. I’m telling you, there is something about these sweet babies, I can’t explain it. They have a purpose and if it’s to show the world that differences are okay and should be embraced then that’s a wonderful thing I think. Just know that you are not alone in this, the blog world has opened my eyes to so many beautiful families that have been blessed with a child that has Down syndrome. May God bless your sweet family but trust me, He already has:)
A friend forwarded me your blog and all I have to say is Nella is a lucky, lucky girl with an amazing mother (and family). Your photos are beautiful & happy. ***All the best to you and yours.
Kelle- thank you for this gift… the gift of your words and amazing photos and your outlook on your world. Thank you for sharing your story and your truly amazing love for your family. I too have a daughter who will soon be a big sister, so your story really touched my heart and touched on the fears that I have. Seeing how you’ve grown from this experience and embraced your beautiful gift from God has been nothing short of inspiring. Thank you, and I look forward to following your blog. I’m actually going to go back to 2007 and start “at the beginning.” You have an amazing gift for writing, photography and mothering and I so appreciate your honesty and sharing those raw emotions of the first few days. Your family is lucky and you are all so blessed to have each other. I look forward to watching your girls grow along with my own. Take care Kelle and family. You are amazing!
Don’t you DARE touch that laundry pile!! I’m doing all of it when I get there! 46 hours and counting. Loving you so.
I’m loving the pic of little Nella basking in the sun. How perfect!
You’re doing it Kelle! And you’re rockin’ it!!!
Poppa,
Um, is it possible to love a grandpa you’ve never met?? You and Nella’s story is beautiful. I imagined God doing the same thing with my little Chase and the tears just came on. Please write this story, so the world can celebrate it as well. Thank you!! I needed that today!
Heather
Your girls are so beautiful, as is your blog! Aodhan has stopped growling in his sleep and reading your post made me miss it so much.
Enjoy!
I just started reading your blog yesterday. I can truly say that you are an amazing woman and mother. The way you speak of your children melts my heart and it makes me want to be better for my daughter. Thank you for telling your story. I am forever grateful.
I found your blog through the Ds Baby Center message board. I have a two year old little girl with Ds and a 4 year old girl too. Your story and pictures are amazing! Thank you for sharing your honest feelings, it will get easier. I only cry with tears of joy now. It is the most amazing journey I have been on. I would have not chose this path on my own, but am so happy I am on it. Nella is so beautiful!!! Congrats!!!!
Simply beautifully written as always. the pictures are unreal and that sweet Nella she is a beauty. the one of her in the brown pjs love it. and the ones with her with Lainey they melt my heart. it is normal…all of this just as it is… as it should be. take a day at a time and know you have a ton of support behind you…now and always.. on good days…on bad days…on normal days. and your honesty, feelings, and writing is all part of you being human and learning to ride again. Take as long as you may because we love and are inspired by you each and every day no matter what kind of day it is.
xoxoxo
Poppa, I can’t wait to read your comments because you write so beautifully as well. tears all over the keyboard. She is a little bit of heaven and the closest we will feel to it here on Earth
xoxo
even though i don’t know you, i have been thinking about you and nella and your family so so much since i read her birth story yesterday. i came back today to find beautiful photos of your new life as a family of four. your raw and honest feelings, both the sad ones and the happy ones, were so powerful to read. i loved so much how her birth was honored and celebrated by those around her, and how much love and support you had in the early hours and days as you faced your feelings and adjusted to your new reality. you have a beautiful family and you are an amazing mama…I can’t wait to follow your journey! 🙂
Nella is gorgeous, your whole family is gorgeous and I’m so happy to meet you through our blogs. I will certainly be following Nella and Lainey as they grow up into amazing, beautiful women. I’m so glad you are blogging… there is a wonderful Ds community out here when you are ready for it – and it looks to me like you are 🙂
Dear Kelle,
I too found your blog through a friend on Facebook. And I’ve come back every day since.
You are simply amazing. Your writing. Your photography. Your mothering. Your love. Your style. A-MA-ZING!!! Your girls are absolutely beautiful, and so lucky to have a momma like you. I don’t have children, but if I am so lucky to have them someday, I hope to be a mom like you. You have so inspired me!!!
Thank you so much for sharing. You have touched so many. You are a blessing.
Love and prayers (and pedaling) from CA!!!
I have so much I want to say to you, but the most important thing is Congratulations on the birth of your second sweetheart Nella!
I’m from Chicagoland and my son will be 3 in May. Yes, he does have Down syndrome, but like you said in your post today, that doesn’t define him. Nor will it define your sweet Nella or family. Not with how forthcoming you are with your feelings. Your little Nella is going to be out there to touch the lives of so many people…. they are lucky too!
Anyway, I will write more later… know that everything you’re feeling is so “normal” and will definitely disipate as the days/months go by.
I look forward to following your journey!
Lisa
Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful Nella! Our daughter, Kira, surprised us with her designer genes at birth, too. She just turned three and constantly amazes us. I know that right now is tough, but try to enjoy all the precious baby moments. She is a precious baby.
We’ve met so many wonderful people because of our girl. When you’re ready, there is a whole new world of support waiting for you.
You have a beautiful family! Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I found your blog through an internet forum for families of children with Down syndrome; downsyn.com. Another mother linked to Nella’s birth story. I read it, and I cried.
My daugher will be 10 years old in April. I can’t believe it, she’s 10!! You have so much to look forward to with Nella.
I have 5 other children; 2 bio and 3 step. I love them all, but my chromosomally enhanced daughter holds all our hearts in a special grip. I have found some of my closest friends through her. I have learned so much from her, and I have so incredibly much to be grateful for, through her.
The LOVE that you’re in for with Nella, is like nothing you could ever imagine. This child you have been given, is pure love, reincarnated into perfection.
When you feel like it, come on over and chat with us on downsyn. You’ll find hundreds of moms and a handful of dads who are walking this walk of life, and rejoicing in our kids.
Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful, beautiful bundle of love.
Um, you just had a baby less than two weeks ago and you are one hot mama! You look amazing!! Your girls are equally as beautiful.
I just read your blog from the birth of Nella, up until yesterday’s post. I cried the entire time reading it. I’m 29 weeks pregnant with a little boy. When we had our NT scan, they told us that there was cause for concern that he might have Downs, so they did a blood test. The results came back “perfect” and we were happy. Then, at our 20 week scan, they found Echogenic Bowel Syndrome, yet another sign of Downs. We opted for the amniocentesis, and again, results came back “perfect” so we calmed down a little. They’re monitoring the Echogenic Bowel now, and it’s still there, still bright, still worrisome. Reading your story has really hit me hard, and I hope beyond all hope, that if my baby boy does have downs, that I have at least half of the amount of strength and love that you have had. You are a beautiful woman, a wonderful mother, and you have the most beautiful daughter’s. You are truly an amazing woman, and a huge inspiration.
Thank you for your honesty and your blog! Your words echo the feelings I am currently dealing with and it is so great to know that I am not alone! I’m 31, have a wonderful 20mo old little boy and gave birth on 1/16/10 to another wonderful little boy who has DS. We didn’t find out until the day after he was born and since then life has taken on a new meaning. I love him as much as I love my oldest son, but I will admit that more than once I’ve wondered “what if I just wouldn’t have gotten pregnant that month?” I’m not sure what lies ahead for ether of us, but I’m excited to find out. Both of your daughters are beautiful and you are an amazing mother! Wren Jones
You truly are amazing. Thank you for your beautiful writing, and openness, and STRENGTH. Keep it up, your girls are going to be amazing…
Kelle, I stumbled upon your blog tonight and my heart will be forever touched. Not just by your sweet Nella, but by you and your family. I see nothing but love in all your photographs. You are a wonderful mother and writer. Your girls are truly blessed to have you to love and guide them. God bless you all.
A friend sent me your blog today to read Nella’s birth story. I was so touched by it. You write from such a raw, honest place and I have to say it’s just beautiful.
Best of luck to you — you are truly blessed, two wonderful little girls and they too are blessed because you seem like a super mommy!
As I scroll through each new post I keep hoping they never end-I’m always wanting more pictures and more inspiring words! Like with all of your pictures, I can never pick a favorite, but little Nella with her daddy…oh my-beautiful!
Your blog was shared on a mom’s board that i am on without a warning of what it was about. i opened it expecting to read a goopy birth story that i would quickly close….. what i found were words that spoke to my very soul. I have an 8 year old son with angelman syndrome, we only got his dx 3 years ago and until then we were left in this dismal place of the unknown….that left room for denial and never allowed the sweet realease of acceptance. I have felt every emotion that you have so eleoquently expressed with a touch of anger thrown into the mix. Looking back at our journey , i am amazed at how far we have all come, and how my son, just by be him has changed the very essence of who i am. Cry your tears, and don’t feel guilt about your emotions, and one day when you least expect it those tears will stop and i truly believe that you will find a place for your voice in this new journey. This wasn’t a journey i would have chosen in a million years but it is certainly not one that i would give up. thank you for the rawness and the beauty of your words. blessings on your journey.
Just when I thought that your blog couldn’t move me more, Sarah McLachlan’s “Answer” started playing from your playlist. I LOVE Sarah and these lyrics took on new meaning as I read your journey. You are an awesome mother, and you inspire me to be a better mother to my two girls.
-Kathy
I was directed to your blog from thebump.com and read your story. You are a very strong woman and loved reading your story. Both of your little girls are beautiful. Good luck!
Dear sweet Kelle,
You are the same family. With the same beauty, and the same joy. Even more so.
You and your family bring me such joy, Kelle. I know that sounds a little odd, but it’s true. I don’t really even know how to explain it.
And, thank you for confirming something I’ve always secretly suspected – that clean underwear is overrated. Ironing anything definitely is.
Dear Poppa. I love your story. Am going to print it out and put it somewhere nearby.
Have a fabulous laundry free day!
Linda in New Zealand.
You, my dear, are an amazing, amazing woman and mom. I am moved beyond belief reading your story. Your words just spew emotion right through the computer and I grasp onto them. I in awe of how you manage to share such intimate feelings for all to read, in such a beautiful way–you are beautiful, truly. I think your words, your emotions, your artistery will speak to so many women, mothers, families. Thank you a thousand times for sharing your story. I have never been so moved reading a blog.
Kelle, you seem to be surrounded by beauty and specialness, your photos pay tribute to that, but nothing will ever be more beautiful or special than the gift you hold in your arms. Nella will always be beloved and will make those around her more beautiful and special than they were before they knew her, you are right, your life will never be the same, it will be better. She is gorgeous. Congratulations xxx Jodie.
my brother is 30 this year- 30 years of a beautiful life lived on this earth- with Down Syndrome.
she’s perfect & oh, so special!
I so look forward to when you write. I am in love with sweet Nella. All of you. Incredible, beautiful and happy story…
I am came across your blog through a friend. I read from right before Nella was born until your latest post and I just wanted to tell you that I think you are an amazing woman and mother. Nella is beautiful. I’ve cried, laughed and smiled as I’ve read through your posts. Lainey is gorgeous. In your pictures I love the love that is in Lainey’s eyes when she is looking at Nella.
hi there,
i found my way here from a link a friend has posted on facebook. i’ve been reading your stories for most of the afternoon and just wanted to say that i think your family is absolutely gorgeous, you have an amazing photo talent and your writing is awesome.
lots of love from laura in CA.
Kelle – found you on FB…just wanted to say…I thought this was a story about a Trisomy baby..one that didn’t/wouldn’t make it. As Iread and read I realized SHE MAKES IT – PRAISE THE LORD SHE MAKES IT!! 🙂 Your babies are gorgeous…both of them. You are gorgeous – your writing is amazing. I wish I could write this way for my babies to read later. Congrats on your beautiful girls…and praise the Lord!
Rosie in IL (photographer)
🙂
Your story is amazing, your girls are beautiful & you have drawn me in to your blog & touched my heart in a way few blogs ever have. What a fantastic writer you are & I feel privaleged to have been let in on your life. And to top it off, your photographer friend takes some of the best pictures I have ever seen… Thank you for letting us in & letting us get to know your amazing family.
Kelle IS the photographer…though a dear friend has taken some of the birth series…beautifully, but Kelle and her tripod handle most of the others…as her father, I think she, like my other two children, are amazing…as are my grandchildreh!!
Kelle~
God brought me to your story today- the story of Sweet Nella’s birth. A story that would move me beyond words. Beyond any way I have ever been moved before. I cried, actullay I sobbed more than I have since a year ago. You see, exactly one year ago to the day I sat in a perinatologists office as the Triple Marker test came back abnormal and I was told that my sweet unborn child likely had a chromosomal abnormality like Down Syndrome. I was given a 20% chance that the baby would be “normal”. I don’t remember much else about that day. Like you, I cried for about 7 hrs straight. My mind swirled and all the hopes and dreams that I had for this precious life were all of a sudden turned upside down. After testing, and monitoring, and measuring, and agony, worry, tears, and waiting it was finally confirmed- they couldn’t find anything ‘abnormal’.
I know I was brought to your blog for a reason I just wanted to say that I am so glad I found it. You are a beautiful woman inside and out and I just feel so blessed to have read your story. Your Nella is the most beautiful and precious soul I have ever seen. I can identify with so much of your emotion and feelings towards your little one. Although our stories had different outcomes, I feel the bond is the same. I feel that my daughter is a true miracle from God. There is something special in her that I feel every time I look at those blue eyes. I love how you said that you breath each others breaths. Such a beautiful thing. So much of what you said I just shake my head yes as if you are writing my own thoughts. YOu capture the words so beautifully. Your story will inspire so many. Little Nella has touched so many hearts already. Thank you for being so brave to post your story. It is a gift that I will always treasure!!!!!!!
nikki Cooper
angelbaby0107@gmail.com
Precious few people can feel so powerfully the art in life, and then transform that life into art for others to feel and love so beautifully. It is plain you have this gift. And now, you’ve been blessed with another.
In a matter of minutes, you tested the height of happiness and the depth of agony. For the last hour or so, we laughed aloud and sobbed uncontrollably as we read your story. What remained constant throughout the story-telling, however, was the magnificent love forged between you and Sweet ‘Lil Nella. You are so right, it is a story that needs to be told, because so many (we shamelessly admit our inclusion) are quick to judge and stereotype. Where once we (or perhaps many others) could have labeled you “that Down Syndrome family” as you’ve called it, your moving words made us look so far beyond our prejudices and see the true grace and beauty living and breathing so vibrantly in you and your family. Because our Father has blessed you with this power…this gift…this art…you surely must believe you have been chosen for this journey, not cursed with it.
While reading your heart as expressed in text, we were reminded of the popular Bible verse from First Corinthians:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Kelle, your blog has inspired both Tony and me. We continue to keep you, baby Nella and your entire family in our thoughts and prayers. You have certainly “raised us up.”
Thinking of you fondly,
Megan & Tony Lawhon
thelawhons.tmcs@yahoo.com
You know, it’s totally okay to become “that DS family” for a little bit. Things like this take time to absorb and to really settle in. It’s a process, and during that process it’s totally okay to be completely absorbed in all things Down Syndrome. You have a lot of complex new systems you’re going to have to learn to navigate (early intervention, special doctors, support groups) in addition to just managing to keep your head above water with a newborn and a 2 year old. We (special needs moms) all do it, it’s a matter of survival. It waxes and it wanes, depending on what’s going on with your child at the time. Some weeks I’m all about autism. Others, I’m more concerned with what quad palette I’m going to buy at the MAC counter or if I really want to switch moisturizers.
My point is, I guess, that it really is okay to be absorbed in these changes and this new world and new diagnosis right now. You need to find your bearings, hunker down, and try to catch your breath and make sense of everything, and that takes time. “You” are still in there, you’re just a little preoccupied right now, and that’s okay. When you’ve had time to process things and get your support people in place, and get into the rhythm of your new life, you’ll start to feel more like your old self again.
So don’t apologize for going through the process. It’s necessary, and it’s right.
Thank you for touching my life so profoundly. The beauty in your words, story and children are breathtaking. Sweet little Nella is already so loved and has touched so many, she is a miracle and so beautiful. I look forward to following your journey with your two amazing girls
Welcome to Holland…what a sweet, beautiful, solo ride it is
Yes, do read “Welcome to Holland”; I found the words life-changing when Annika entered our world 9 years ago. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter; your life will be filled with blessings you would not have experienced without her…
A friend told me about your blog today. I just had a baby 6 days ago born with Trisomy 21 Down Syndrome. It was a surprise to us! I feel the same as you that this is a huge blessing to our family! Our little Macy looks a lot like your sweet daughter! I hope everything else with her is going well!
Linked to your blog thru a friend’s… you have an amazing gift for writing. Just wanted to share my favorite Ds quote: “We often think that having a child with T21 {Trisomy 21, aka Down syndrome} is like gaining membership to a secret club, a club you never knew you wanted to be in or even existed, but once you are in, you are so thankful that you were chosen.” by Nicole Maher – a fellow blogger
Welcome to the club! 🙂 Kristin
You inspire me, if I can be half the mother your are then I know I will be amazing.
I’m not sure if you have read this story, but I thought I would pass it along. I know you already know there is beauty in the life of a child with a disability, but this story just puts it so…so succinctly.
Your daughters are so beautiful.
http://jyltoews.blogspot.com/2009/12/welcome-to-holland.html
This comment has been removed by the author.
congrats! you are very blessed. You have a beautiful family. you are on a wonderful journey filled with good times, love and a new normal. looking forward to reading more about your family.
A dear friend of mine linked to your beautiful daughter’s birth story. I’ve spent the past half hour reading your other entries as well. Your story has touched my heart.
I am also learning to live in an alternate reality of what I expected as well. I cannot relate to the diagnosis of Down’s syndrome, but I do have a daughter (3 1/2) with a form of autism. It’s not the life I expected, but it’s our life, our family, and I’ve begun to learn to appreciate the little victories.
YOU ARE SUCH A GORGEOUS LADY!!! inside…and out. there is no doubt in my mind that nella’s sacred spirit was meant for you…for your home. thank you for sharing your story with us. so beautiful. thank you.
My baby boy is 9 months and has DS. I feel very blessed to have him in my life. I did not know that he had DS until he was born and too felt that haze and like I wasn’t there after the birth. Your posts bring back some amazing memories. Thank you for sharing 🙂
You are gorgeous. Your daughters are gorgeous.
thank you for sharing with us. You can write about this stuff as much as you want. Do what you want to do. You are touching people, helping people through these words and through your pictures. You might not feel like it, but you are, trust me.
beautiful….
you, your life, your daughters. seriously beautiful.
I came across your blog at random, and I have to say, I’ve been crying for hours. I went back to the very beginning. You might be the most amazing person I have never met. I am not ashamed to say I am so jealous of your life and the love you have for it. Your daughters could not be more precious. I can only hope and pray that, if I am lucky enough to one day get married and have children, that I will be a fraction of the amazing woman you are. I know you realize this but God has blessed you in so many ways, and is blessing others through you. What an incredible thing!
Wow – I am so grateful to have found your blog. It is truly beautiful – I feel priviledged to read it, and ADORE the photos of your beautiful family. xx
So powerful. What you write, and even the comments that others are leaving. I keep coming back, to look at the pictures, to read your words, and the words that others are writing. Everytime they move me to tears. Kelle, you sure do have a lot of supporters out there! Hope you are doing great with Brett gone. Thinking about you constantly…
thank you for sharing your struggles and love. i am having my first child in six weeks- and your story touched my heart. i do want to tell you- regarding your first comments in this post about how you wont always write about this- it is ok. my big brother passed away in december in a freak car wreck. i live in japan, the rest of my family in texas. it took me two days to get home.. and to be with family- including his small, three children. i blog about him. i worry peolpe get tired of it, but it is my therapy.. so blog away girl!!! someone will stumble on here tha tneeds this… blessings to you and yuor amazaingly beautiful family.
I am a total stranger speaking from experience, and I am going to tell you that you will GET far more from raising Nella than you will ever GIVE. Congratulations on the birth of your lovely daughter, enjoy every minute with her, and please plant one kiss on the bottom of each foot from the proud mom of another special needs daughter who you have never met.
I am not sure what is more impressive…the true core of who you are are as a person, or the way you are using your heart to change and grow and better other people. I love you to pieces and want nothing more than to come spend the afternoon on your couch snuggling that angel. Praying for you as you “go it solo!”
Congratulations Kelle on the birth of your beautiful baby girl and a big congratulations to Lainey on becoming the “best” big sister I am sure:) I too found your blog through a great group of families sharing their life journey’s. You have a way with words that truly expresses the roller coaster of emotions that so many of us have been through. Not only does it touch hearts, but souls. The raw emotions that we feel are part of what this journey is about. It is the way we live, love and grow! I look forward to “following” your journey and to watching your girls bond as sisters and sharing a love that only they will every know! Welcome to the world sweet Nella!
Congratulations on the birth of sweet baby Nella!!! Welcome to the world, Nella! The one you’re going to change a little bit more each day.
New to your blog, and haven’t read much, but can already see the healing. You will find your Normal and wonder how it was ever any different.
I wish I had been a blogger 3 years ago, when my own journey started. You will treasure these posts! Write it all down, every last bit of it. Your own growth will astound you almost as much as Nella’s. 🙂
Congratulations! She is a very beautiful little girl.
Your journey into a wonderful and magical place is just beginning.
I found your blog from lurking on iVillage message boards. I am part of the January 2010 Expecting Club on iVillage. My son Jensen Troy was born on January 9th and is my miracle baby after being told I might not be able to conceive due to 2 losses and having PCOS. I have just spent the last 5 hours comforting a normally calm baby who was having a fussy night reading your blog and shedding more then a few tears. Your daughter Nella is so beautiful. Don’t tell my son but she is probably the cutest baby I have ever seen. I used to work with special needs kids when I was in high school and it will be the most challenging, but most rewarding journey you could possibly imagine. But I’m sure you’re starting to realize that. There is a reason your daughter Lainey was born first. She is going to be the most amazing big sister. I can only pray my son will be half the older sibling she is. She is just the right girl to be a sister to a baby as special as Nella. I look forward to reading your blog as our January miracles grow and learn.
Words escape me…you don’t know me from Adam’s house cat, but I love you and your family. :0) I love your blog and you uplift me – I’ll continue to follow your family’s journey. Prayers of hope and joy to you and yours. :0)
Wendy
Chandler, AZ
Hi Kelle, I am new to your blog. But I just wanted to tell you what an amazing story you have. I have been there, not because my son was born with Down Syndrome, but because he was born with 2 heart defects. We weren’t prepared, we didn’t know. And I felt that grief of losing the child you imagined you would have. It felt as though fear and sadness took over my life the day he was born. What should have been the happiest day of my life somehow turned into one of the most difficult. As the days went by, we started to realize what a gift it was to have a child with a special heart. He reminds us what life is really all about. And 3.5 years later he has made us a stronger and more loving family.
Thank you for sharing your story!
http://ponderedinmyheart.typepad.com/pondered_in_my_heart/2010/01/she-reads.html
Your baby is simply beautiful! The above link might be very inspiring to you…watch it sometime when you have a free moment. God Bless You and Your Family. 🙂
I just found your story and I don’t have words yet. I don’t know if I ever will. But you and Lainie and especially Nella have touched me. And I hope I will never be the same.
(And damn, even the comments are killers! Thanks for what you wrote, too, “Poppa”.)
Your family is just gorgeous. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. What a blessing you are to her, and her to you.
Love this post. I could’ve written it 4 years ago … I read it and just said, “Yep, yep, yep.” 🙂 You guys are gorgeous!
I know that this beautiful little one will be the key to unlocking the emotions and hearts of so many. Her big sister is just as precious and will open many doors for her.
God truly blessed you with this child. I am so glad you are aware of this.
Blessings on your family with all the love and caring you share with others.
Just a stranger popping by to tell you that your story is beautiful… and it’s only just beginning. I can tell by the outpouring of love that you have her that her Poppa was right… she was given to you for a very special reason…and it was anything but random.
The love you have for your children makes me love my baby more than I did before I read your story.
I am hooked. I have bookmarked your blog. I can’t wait to continue reading. You and your family are beautiful.
You posts are beyond words. Someone linked your blog to a message board that I read. The title simply said “beautiful birth story.” I usually do not read these things because they make me sad but I thought what the heck. Having no clue that your story had anything to do with Down Syndrome. I didn’t scroll down but started reading and got a feeling it was something along those lines- and when I saw your words and the pictures of your beautiful daughter I just started sobbing. You see, my son has Down Syndrome also. He is 15months old now and yet those emotions that you wrote so well are still very raw and on the surface.
I could tell you a million things that I am sure you have already heard. You know the ones- “you were chosen” “these children are so special” “your life will be so much richer” and on and on. I will only say that it is all true. It really is.
I would like to think I have so many words of wisdom having traveled this road for 15months longer than you, but you seem to have it so much more together than I did. I still felt the need to write to you because I just wanted to tell you- I understand everything you are feeling now and you and your beautiful family will be just as great as they always have been- even better.
I can see that you have so much love and support but if you ever have any questions for someone going through it too, by all means contact me. ( robindenise 12 @ yahoo (dot) com )
Best wishes,
Robin
in so many ways, your birth story is my own. the unspoken agony that leaks out the sides of your eyes.
keep taking pictures. keep going, one minute, one second, one day at a time. connect with other DS moms. keep being the best mom you can be.
Rachel
I think I am comment number 122, wow, what a following you have and what an impression you have made on so many people. I am a blessed Mother to have a little boy, Sam, who has Down Syndrome. Welcome to the family. I hope you enjoy the ride and the beauty that it brings. Hope you don’t mind me following your travels.
Your family is breathtaking….thank you for being brave enough to let strangers like me in to catch a little glimpse of heaven. You have moved me so much. I love the music on your blog, too. It fits the sweetness of your story.
Thank you for sharing your amazing journey. My cousin had down syndrome and she was the one I looked forward to seeing the most at family reunions.
My husband works with adults with disabilities, and many have downs. One day, a young man came in with a shirt on that said, “Hugs are found on chromosome 21!!” That shirt couldn’t be more right.
Nella will have a special gift of kindness, gentleness, love, compassion, and hugs. And, in turn, those around her will respond in kind. You can’t help but then be kind, gentle, loving, compassionate and huggy (bad grammar, I know) back to them and to everyone around.
Be blessed in your journey, savor every moment, and please continue sharing your heart with us.
I am so moved by the beauty of your words and your truths. Another reader alluded to this, but I thought I would share the entire piece with you because it is so very fitting. Bless you and your family and thank you for sharing your story with all of us, most of whom you don’t even know. You moved me to tears. Not because I feel bad for you or your daughter…but because it is so obvious that she is loved and that you and your husband were chosen just for her because you are the right ones.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
Sincerely,
Beth in Michigan
Hi Kelle,
I have been so profoundly touched by your story. I have written a draft post on my blog about all the wonderful things your birth story has shown me. Before I publish, I would like to have your approval. If you could send me an email (vandermeander AT gmail DOT com) and I could forward the post on to you, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much!
May you continue to know all of the peace and love that has surrounded your family. — Dixie
Nella chose you to be her mommy because of your honesty, and your ability to see her beauty and perfection for what it is. I have truly been touched by your story. While I’m sure you feel lucky to have your girls, I know your girls are lucky to have you. Your family is beautiful.
Best of luck to you, although I’m positive you don’t need luck. You’ve already got all the skills you need to handle your unique situation.
Such beauty in your words. My daughter was 4 months old before we knew anything was “different.” We had clues, but I will never forget being in the doctor’s office, holding my child, and feeling my world shift. I thought that I may never wake up not crying again. But, like you, I realized this is the same baby. SHE hadn’t changed a bit. She was still perfect. Still loved. Still mine. And, six years later, I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t change things if I could. But that’s only because I would do anything to take away hurdles from my children’s life. I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. Thank you for giving yourself time to grieve the child you imagined. The thing that carried me through more than anything is that my daughter is perfect. Her soul is perfect. Her body might not work like everyone else’s (specifically, her eyes work differently), but her heart, her soul, her place in my heart and soul, are perfect. She is perfect.
My oldest daughter Darrah has always been her little sister Tarenne’s biggest fan. I have to share 2 funny sister stories w/you then I’m off to take my 5 year old to a bday party.
When I was pregnant w/my 3rd, Tarenne was 2 and Darrah almost 5 we were driving in the car after a get together w/several families who have kids that sport that extra chromosome. Darrah said, “Mom will this baby have Down syndrome?” I answered, “No probably not. We’re not going to find out this time because we know what to do. But it would be really rare for a family to have 2 kids that have Down syndrome.”
Darrah quipped, “That’s a darn shame because babies w/Down syndrome are the best babies in the world!”.
Then one time at about 6 1/2 she overheard a conversation about men w/T21 not being able to father children. My precocious girl said, “Mom, did I hear that right, men with Down syndrome can’t have babies?”
Me, “most of the time honey, that’s right.”
She returned, “that makes me so angry, if I marry a man who has Down syndrome I won’t be able to have a baby!?!?”
Lainey is going to have such a GREAT life! And Nella too of course. 🙂
HUGS
PS When Emery my 5 year old saw Nella, she kissed the computer scream and said, “SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!”
I am not sure if you are going to read this comment. I have no idea how I came across your blog but from now on I will follow it.
My cousin has Down Syndrome. My last blogentry is about her. She thaught me unconditional love. Because of her I want to adopt a little child with D.S. one day.
There is this story of a mom of a baby with D.S.:
She said she was preparing for a vacation. It was going to be in Italy. She had bought books about Italy, she learned some italian, she bought sun block, new clothes, sun glasses. She had her train ticket booked and packed her bags. She got on the train and looked into her travel guide, got all excited about going to Rome and Pisa. Many hours later, the train stopped. She had finally arrived after all her preparation. The doors opened and there she was in Norway. She turned around looking for someone. Sure there must have been a mistake. Her ticket said Italy and not Norway. She wanted sun and not snow. But the conducter said everything was fine and she got off the train. She was faced with something unexpected. She hadnt prepared for Norway. She didnt have the right clothes, no guides, no boots and not even a dictionary. She wandered around, freezing. But all of a sudden she saw the beauty of Norway. The hills, the sun that was being reflected in the snow. She saw the joy, the freedom, the love. She forgot about Italy and fell in love with Norway. There was no preparation necessary for Norway. She was right there where she belonged.
This woman wrote that she ended somewhere, where she never wanted to go but in the end she saw the beauty of this new place and fell in love with it.
I know you guy are seeing the beauty. I know I might sound nuts but you have received the greatest blessing there is. I know many dont understand me, but I would be the happiest person alive receiving such a gift. And I know one day I will have such an angel, probably throughthe mircale of adoption. I have grown up with kids with special needs, I have always felt a great love towards them. They bring joy into our lives, other ppl cant.
Life wont ever be the same, it will be better!!
Congratulations to your beautiful daughter! Your beautiful daughters! You are so blessed.
Sending my love from Germany!!
You are such an inspiration! You tell life as it is, which many of us tend to forget. Thanks for sharing with us!!
Also I must ask, what type of camera do you use to take such wonderful pictures?
-Kait
rkait@hotmail.com
It seems to me that many people think that their strengths are in some way separate from their weaknessess and vulnerabilities. I used to think this too, but recently have come to the idea that my strengths are in some way the flip side of my weaknesses. I know it might sound like mystical new age hooey, but the thing is to find the balance.
Miss Nella is extraordinarily powerful because she is uniquely vulnerable, and she always will be. She doesn’t need to do anything, she just IS that strong. I can see in your photos that she has her balance already.
Thanks so much for sharing your story and pictures.
Jess
May I add my voice to the many here: you are beautiful, your girls are beautiful, your family is beautiful, your words (and Poppa’s) are beautiful. Thank you for writing them, for sharing your journey.
What a beautiful, perfect family.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thank you for sharing your story. So beautiful and heartbrakingly honest. Congratulations on your special amazing beautiful family
Kelle – I am speechless. I cried while eating my oatmeal this morning. As I read I smiled through tears. I remembered. It was a beautiful way to start my day.
Reading your birth story brought forth a flood of raw emotion. I didn’t realize I held those feelings so close to the surface. I relive the day our son Charlie was born more frequently than most. You do that when your life is changed forever. Yet when I remember I’m not sad. It was the day my son was born.
With each word you wrote and photo shared my heart shouted “I’ve been there! It hurts so much. But it will get better – so much better. She is so brave. And I want her to know that she isn’t alone.”
Yet my heart ached for you – this new mom starting her new story. The beginning – when the grief can literally take your breath away – this is the hardest part.
But life is good. It is beautiful. Yet it is often hard to find the words to explain this new life. A life that shifts from the mediocre world of acceptance to the technicolor world of true understanding, joy and a depth that can only come from fully embracing and getting “it.” In a “we wouldn’t change a darn thing and actually, yes we think we are lucky” sort of way.
You have a gift and tell your story so well. Your story, your writing and you and your family – each a blessing. Thank you for sharing. And please give that sweet baby girl Nella and extra snuggle for me!
xx
Libby
I have been captivated by your story from the moment it was introduced to me yesterday. I read the birth story first and your words put my heart in such a tail spin I can’t explain it. I actually found myself holding my breath on several occasions, waiting for the next words. The raw emotion, the truthfulness, the entire story is just breath taking. I agree with the countless people that have said it before me, these special, amazing, beautiful, little beings somehow find their way to and settle into the nooks and crannies of the souls of the “right people”. Nella was never meant to be anyone else’s. Nella is, indeed, perfect in each and every way, now that she’s found you.
We’ll never meet, but you have to know you’ve touched my heart and soul in ways I’ve never thought possible. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story…it’ll change more people than you could ever imagine.
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful daughter with the world. She is perfect!! As I was scrolling through the pictures my 18 month old daughter toddled over saw the picture and said, “pretty baby mama.” I don’t think I could have said it any better myself!
I stumbled across your blog and I too like many others was moved to tears. I work with special needs children, and like so many other have already told you.. a child with DS is an angel sent from above! Only given to hand picked special families! As much as it brings so many unanswered questions.. Nella will surprise you and amaze you in ways you cannot even yet imagine! Raise her like any other child and watch her flourish into an amazing woman! Your girls, will shop together, confide in each other and be the best of friends!
Bless you and your family..
xoxo
A friend posted a link to your blog on one of the expectant mom boards I follow, I’m 17 wks pregnant expecting my first baby in July and to say your story has gripped my heart would be an understatement. I’ve spent the last few days trying to catch up and reading your archives & just want to tell you, your family – those two beautiful girls are a little slice of heaven. Lots of love to you all.
Kelle,
Your story ” Enjoying The Small Things ” is the most amazing, beautiful story I have ever had the privilege of seeing. You are truly blessed to be the Mom to 2 of the most beautiful little Angels in the world ! This is to Dad to ! Am going to save this & when I am feeling down, I will have your beautiful story & pictures to brighten my day ! Thankyou for sharing..
With love & prayers Linda
Kelle,
I have fallen in love with your story- the details, the emotion, the candid snapshots, the raw pain, confusion, fear, love. What I think has made me literally crumble into pieces at the computer is the fact that your behind the scene story is the part I haven’t learned about my niece with Down Syndrome. I wish and hope for a call filled with tears and feeling like somewhere along the way something went wrong, the phone doesn’t ring. I have 2 little girls, perfectly imperfect with their own medical issues. Our 15 month old just had surgery on her kidneys and I remember being told “this is fixable” and wishing more than anything the same thing was told to my niece.
Thank you for sharing this so very personal story with the world. Thank you for reminding me what true love and true friendship is. Thank you for letting me peak inside your life, each word has touched my heart!
Girl, write it all down! Every raw and ugly and beautiful emotion, record it all!! Because when you’re over a year into your journey, like I am, you’ll really cherish the ability to go back and read about your journey.
My Charlie teaches me SO much about love for his special little sister. God knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he gave me both my kids.
Thank you for sharing your story
Wow. Just found your blog tonight. I want to say things like ‘What an inspiration you are,’ but I know its too early for you to see that yet. Really, I just want to reach through the screen and hug you and your beautiful girls. Blessings to you, from one mama of girls to another!
– Kristin
Congratulations Kelle, Nella Cordelia is gorgeous!. Thank you very much for sharing her amazing birth story 🙂
You may want to check out Eliana Tardio’s website:
http://www.elianatardio.com/). She also has a blog: http://elianatardio.blogspot.com/.
She works as a Family Resource Specialist for Early Steps and also as a Collier Outreach Liaison for Healthy Start in Naples, Florida. She may be able to help you and guide you with Nella and Early Intervention. You can call her at 239 919 4295 or e-mail her: elianetardio at hotmail dot com or elianatardio at hpcswf dot com.
May God continue to hold your Nella in the palm of his hand ~
Thank you. Thank you for your gift of your Nella and Lainey. Thank you for sharing your life. I am struggling on a new journey myself, living 600 miles from my nearest friend…and I keep hoping its over, but its not…and why waste the precious gift of time, why not enjoy it. THANK YOU. For you have touched my heart and my mind. Through tears, I thank you. God bless you and Lainey and Nella. My girls and I will pray for you. Today, tomorrow and each day we read your blog. God Bless.
yes…this IS a safe place.
a haven to share your fears, triumphs, glories, and saddies…
and gorgeous images of the birth of Lainey and Nella’s sisterhood…oh, how sacred these days are for them.
keep sharing…
and keep loving your girls the only way you know how…
you are doing a beautiful job, Mama.
xoxo
jc
Hi Kelle,
I too have been where you are…not because of DS but my sons were born very early. I have those same memories of seeing those clothes in the hospital bag, the clothes that were worn by someone else, wishing I were still pregnant, etc.
Anyway, this is a wonderful gift you’re giving the world, this blog. Thank you for it.
Just found your beautiful blog. These special little people teach us so much: unconditional love, living in the moment, being gentle with ourselves, and that, despite the grief, the lessons learned far surpass the heartache.
Sending you peace and light. I look forward to following your journey.
Nena and Reese
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/reesejohnson
I have never commented to you before, a friend told me to look at your blog. I was right where you are 8 months ago. Last May my sweet daughter Lark was diagnosed with Ds at birth. It was such a HUGE shock and I struggled with it a lot. I had my days where I felt privileged and my days I wanted to make it all go away. I know the feeling of grieving the loss of the girl that you thought was coming and yet loving the baby that did come at the same time. It’s confusing. One thing that was huge for me was to make a decision to never think about the future again. To not try to imagine what life will be like. You don’t know what it will be like for your other daughter, so why try to think of what it will be like with Nella. I found when I thought about Lark in the future, I thought negatively out of fear. I also tried to look at other people’s stories to imagine, but I now realize that Lark is individual, just as my other kids are. Nella’s story is unique, you can’t try to think about how it might look. I look at Lark now like she is just the perfect little baby I have always wanted and I assume that she will be totally “normal” and I will deal with what comes when it comes. This has changed me immensely and made for a very joyful bond. It is all very fresh for me, so I so relate. I know others have done this, but if you need to talk to someone that really understands, please bless me with an email jenna@oursmall.net I’ll pray for your peace as you work through the first few weeks of this adventure.
Hi Kelle- What a wonderful blog spot! I have often been around DS kids and you ARE in for an amazing ride! God Bless you and your beautiful family!
Miranda 🙂
Ah, what a similar path we all walk. A comment couldn’t contain all my thoughts so I settled for a blog post.
Keep writing, one day you will look back and not recognize the author. 🙂
I am so inspired by you. Your blog was shared to me and I have continued to share it with others. You are an amazing woman and I envy you. I only hope to be half as strong as you if I were ever put in your situation. Besides all of that, your photography is awe inspiring and Lainey is just too adorable. I wish you lived near me, because I can’t get over your beautiful photos. Stay well and strong.
Before today, I had never read your blog. I want you to know that I think you are amazing. Your little Nella is beyond lovely. And reading about your family makes my heart sing. Thank you.
So happy to find your blog. I enjoyed your birth story and find great strength from the beautifully written words. I’m anxious to follow your journey!
xo,
Casey from http://www.thestarnesfam.com
Well I feel like you have written my story only the feelings I had still bog me down from day to day. I know how hard it is to help people understand how you are feeling and you did it perfectly. My son was my first child, he was diagnosed shortly after birth. I did not notice anything. I will say that the post your dad had about the love they give is so true. Paul makes everyone’s days better when they are not going so well. Best wishes and keep your head up. Know there is a whole community out there ready to help if you need it. Thank you for validating and helping me to feel my emotions. you are blessed in many ways Jenn
Thank you for sharing your beautiful new gift with us, Kelle. She is darling, and special, and reading her story, reading your family’s story, has touched my heart.
I am so touched by you and your beautiful family. Thank you for sharing your journey. 🙂
I just found your blog today after someone linked it from twitter. I cried as I read through your posts, but not out of sadness, just from the sheer beauty.
Nella is gorgeous. Truly.
I can’t imagine how hard this has all been for you, but you I am in awe of your honesty and beautiful perspective.
Congrats on your darling baby!
I just found your blog today after someone linked it from twitter. I cried as I read through your posts, but not out of sadness, just from the sheer beauty.
Nella is gorgeous. Truly.
I can’t imagine how hard this has all been for you, but you I am in awe of your honesty and beautiful perspective.
Congrats on your darling baby!
I only just stumbled on your blog through a comment someone made on Twitter.
I wanted to say congratulations on your new baby. She is gorgeous. You are all just simply stunning.
This is such a beautiful blog on so many levels. I’ll be back again and again to watch all of you grow as a family. Just the thought brings a smile to my face.
Congratulations again. Having two girls is a real blessing. And nothing is more wonderful than witnessing the love between sisters. I can already see that your 2yo will love her baby sister the way my 4yo loves hers.
Goodness, I think I’ve gone back 4 times to see the bw picture of Nella in the hat staring into the camera. All your pictures are great, but there is something about tiny babies in knit hats (or knit socks) that is extra precious.
**squee** I just want reach through the screen and cuddle her! What a darling!
Just a stranger, stopping by to tell you that your daughter, sweet Nella, she is breathtaking. I cannot put words to how beautiful she is. Wow, just wow.
Thank you is all I can really say. Did you have any idea as you put your fingers to your keyboard what an inspiration you would become to so many?! Your words bring so many emotions that I cannot even put them into words. So thank you for sharing your story. You and your family are now forever ingrained in my heart and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Your daughters are both so beautiful and will have a great life growing up as best friends! Enjoy every moment being a mommy and may you pass on your beautiful spirit to your girls.
Welcome to the world, beautiful Nella. Your story is ours. Your perfect normal is ours. Life will be different than you imagined, but even better than you could have ever fathomed. Welcome.
Your family is amazing and your little girls are just beautiful.You will never be “that Down syndrome family” no matter what anyone says. You will forever be a family who is compiled of a loving mommy and daddy, a wonderful big sister and a beautiful little sister (and any other additions that may come along). That little sister was born with something extra, but that is just one more chromosome for everyone to love. You will always be “that lucky, loving, blessed family” and anyone who says otherwise has not been touched by the love your Nella has to give. She is beautiful and perfect and you all are so very very lucky.
I have been foloowing your beautiful family and story for the last few days and I can’t remember if I left a comment already or not so if I did than I apologize but I just read that comment/story from “Poppa” and I am literally crying my eyes out! It is so perfect! My little angel is turning 3 this month and as I look at these beautiful newborn pictures I think how fast time has gone! Life has only gotten sweeter, and more tender to the heartstrings with her in our lives! She is truly a gift and we are the lucky ones to get to have them in our homes forever! I am excited to have a new trisomy 21 connection out there! My husband and I often comment on how many people, even total strangers in public, we would never have the chance to talk with or know if it weren’t for our Bree. Best of luck to you! I am in awe in the way you write your feelings…I wish I could express myself so eloquently!
I don’t know you, but I find you to be an amazing Mom!!! Your blog is beautiful, your children are beautiful, and you are beautiful. Children who have down syndrome have a special place in my heart, they are amazing, sweet, lovable children, God blessed you. May every day be better than the last. 🙂
Welcome, baby Nella! I wish you and your mommy many beautiful memories.
Kelle, you truly are an inspiration. Your story has touched my soul and changed my life. I snuggled a lil closer to my husband last night after his long day at work. Told him how much I adore being his best friend and how I don’t tell him how much I love him enough.
I stopped to enjoy life’s simpler moments today. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you don’t mind if I post a link to your blog on mine.
~Stephanie
I love this… everything about this story, this family, this blog, this life…. reading your blog has been a tearfully inspiring journey. Thank you for your words, and sharing them…. Beautiful, is the only thing I can think to say….
I just started reading your blog, and I love it. You have such a beautiful family. Nella’s birth story was the most precious thing I think I’ve ever read. I will remember it always. I will remember it the next time I’m in the hospital birthing my second-born (whom I secretly hope is a daughter!). I will remember it because it is how I hope to experience a birthday. You and your family seem so sweet…
I found your blog through a friend. Thank you for sharing your story! I know all too well the feeling you felt when you first found out about Nella. My precious first-born son was diagnosed with an incurrable disease at just 11 months of age and was only given 3 years to live. He has outlived his prognosis and will be 14 this March. And although he is confined to a wheelchair and will never walk, we cherish each day and every moment we have with him! It has been a long hard journey. But, also one filled with joy and knowing what is really important in life. ((HUGS)) to you and your beautiful family!
You are in for the ride of your life. And I can PROMISE you, it only gets better from here on out.
I sometimes marvel at how life with my son with DS has enriched me. Initially, the day I got the news I thought: “this sure isn’t the life I wanted for myself.” Now, 16 years later, I simply would not have it any other way. Period. I realized, maybe I wasn’t given the life I thought I wanted, but I was given the life I needed and really it’s what I should’ve wanted all along. It just took me a little while to figure it out at the beginning.
Welcome to the club. Membership is very exclusive dontcha know, not everyone is lucky enough to gain admittance 😉
Writing is so good for the soul, photography is a treat for the eyes and mind.
I am in awe of your intuitive insight….
After my daughter was born I began to journal online about our life with our little girl. I have blended words of our days with photographs of everyday life [I aspire to capture images as you do] and titled my work the ‘Normalcy of Difference’
Your posting brings a great smile to my face, especially the photograph of the picnic basket and the one of Lainey and Nella together.
You are an amazing Momma……and those two little girls are Blessed.
Peace and love, Tara Marie
Little Nella is adorable! And your photos are beautiful.
Congratulations!
Congratulations to you and your family with the birth of Little Nella.
I’ve just come to your beautiful corner on the internet, and am so glad I did. You’re a gifted writer and your heart shows through. I have no doubt that your daughters will be blessed by having you as a mom.
Nella,the light of God surrounds you.
The love of God enfolds you.
The power of God protects you.
The presence of God watches over you.
Wherever you are God is.
Nella, all is well.
K~
To Kelle and your beautiful family,
I have been reading your blog for a week now and finally can’t resist making a comment. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for letting us all love you and learn from you! Thank you for making me a better mom to my own little “Nella” — my sweet and sassy, amazing little Casey Jane, who changed our lives 6 years ago, and her awesome 8 year old brother, Danny. You have reminded me of the more important things in life — living and loving and laughing with my children, my family.
And to your amazing Poppa — that ‘hug sensor’ you spoke about? It goes both ways! The other day, I picked up my girl from school early and every child in her class — all 23 of them, all with one less chromosome than her — got up to hug her before she left. That will be Nella before you know it!
You all are in for the most amazing ride of your life. And I know you will enjoy every single second!
Congratulations and love to you,
Angela
Kelle –
I first read your blog – Nella’s birth story – last week. I should say that I sobbed through it, my mommy heart breaking with yours and finding joy with yours. I love your writing and your photos, they are both beatiful and show your heart so well.
Daily I come back to this particular post and the picture of Nella that is B&W where she is looking at the camera straight on. The wisdom in those eyes makes me catch my breath every time. I just love it.
I am looking forward to reading your journey as you experience it.
You are a blessed mommy and Nella and Lainey are blessed little girls.
Rayna
I am not a writer, Kelle. But if I was I think I would be inspired to write after reading your entries. Everyone is asleep in the Frizzi home and here I sit reading your blog. I am so touched by your words. The music puts me in a transe and I can almost feel you through the computer. Love to you and the girls. I need to hug you..
my sister-in-law just sent me your blog today. I have sat here reading your story from January 24th on and have cried and laughed and feel completely inspired by your little family.
thank you for sharing. all of your thoughts, photos and feelings. you and your girls are beautiful.
take care…and I will continue to look forward to checking back.
(ps: my best friend growing up has a baby sister with down syndrome and nobody loves more than her. nobody. they ended up adopting a baby boy with down syndrome as well. they are truly a family filled with love. I was always envious growing up, spending more time at their house than my own.)
so beautiful…all of you. thank you for sharing your work here, your amazing photos and your amazing children. oxo
Congratulations on the birth of baby Nella! You have written her story so beautifully and honestly.
I have a daughter with a chromosomal defect also and I wondered if I would ever look at her and not think of that. Not that I didn’t love her fiercely, or expect everything from her that she is capable of, but it was always on my mind. She is a preschooler now and I can tell you that, yes, SHE is in the forefront of my mind, not her condition. We have a lot to deal with with doctors and her medical issues and delays, but most days, she just my sweet, gorgeous girl and her chromosomes never cross my mind.
(((HUGS))) to you on this hard but magnificant journey.
Kelle…
I find myself coming back, again and again to your journal. I am so incredibly touched by you and your family that words cannot truly express it. At the end of this post, you thank us for our comments, but it is you that we should thank. It is you who is teaching us all to be better people.
Your sweet Nella will continue to do great things in this world as she grows into her adult hood. Thank you again for being so generous as to share her with us.
Your whole blog is beautiful, from your words, pictures and especially you and your girls. reading it is like taking a breath of fresh air in the countryside. you are amazing, and each time i read your blog, i am inspired. your family is always in my prayers. God bless you all!
I read this article and thought of you and sweet little Nella.
Strong, strong woman!!
http://perezhilton.com/2010-02-19-family-guy-actress-has-down-syndrome-has-some-choice-words-for-sarah-palin
Kelle, I am a 50 year old woman . . who has always been the first to see something beautiful in the worst of situations. . . However, latelely, life has been very hard and confusing for me . . . maybe it is that menopausal thing . . . maybe it is my life has changed and more challenges have been laid before me . . . My friend has recently had a baby with DS (sweet baby girl Olivia) and she forwarded me your blog . . as it touched her so deeply the emotions – the fears – the love, and how incredibly they were expressed. I clinked on the link thinking that this would just be a blog to check out so I could tell her I did, if she asked . . but to my wonderful surprise, hours later I finished your entire blog ( and a box of Kleenex later!!)
basically Kelle . . I just wanted to thank you and your sweet baby girl’s, I came out of my dark little office and I felt like I have not felt since April of 2009, I felt like me . . . it was a long dark summer and a very emotionally lonely winter for me, but thanks to your blog I have “myself” back, which is the best gift I have every received, and from a total stranger . . thank you Kelle, thank you for sharing your life, and helping me sooooooooo much in mine , I am going to go outside with my little puppy dogs, and enjoy the flowers again!! I am going to post your blog and hope everyone comes out with what I have . . . LIFE IS GOOD . .
thank you thank you thank you Kelle
That was a beautiful post…that is just what I want people to understand about us, and what I had to understand about myself. We are still the same people, living our normal lives, our children are our children, and we love them more than we could have ever thought possible. You blog is just captivating. I just scroll through the pictures and read here and there and it is all just breathtaking. Nella is a dream 🙂
Feb.28,2010
Kelli,
Thank you for the most honest, sincere words I have ever read. Cherish your gift and thank you for sharing your story of Nella’s birth. I was also blessed with one of God’s “Special Angels.” Brian was with his sister and I almost 16 years before God called him back home, however the lessons he taught me about life,acceptance,the simple things that mean the most and most importantly unconditional love are things I will carry with me forever. Congrads to you and your family for being blessed with one of God’s “Special Angels.” Love Martha
I love the black and white photo. Lainey’s face says it all, like she is telling her friend, “Yup, isn’t she wonderful? And she is all mine!”
I only found this blog today, and WOW it has blown me away. You are so amazing to open your heart and tell your story in the way that you do. My mum works with kids with disabilities and my son’s aunty has ds, and she is amazing. There are so many of your posts that I could comment on but decided on this as your Poppa’s poem blew me away, i just cried tears and tears. You are so lucky to have such an amazingly wonderful daughter xx
Dear Kelle,
Wow… Not many word left other then that!
I want you to know that I love you right now. You are one of the strongest women I know. To tell your story in such detail is amazing.
I was sitting here reading the story of your sweet daughters birth and how you were feeling while my babies are sleeping in the other room. I still think every now and then what would I do if this were me? I know that I would not have the courage to tell the world about it the way you have.
Your girls are BEAUTIFUL! I want to hold her and give her so many kisses! I know she is older now and I can only imagine how beautiful she is and how she is growing and changing.
I am praying for you and your family for courage and streangth every day. We all have hard days and it’s always good to know that people have your back even if it’s just in prayer…
Please give your family love for me (and kiss those girls for me)
Love Stephanie
Just wanted to let you know I have so much respect for you. You seem to be an amazing, strong woman that lives life gratefully. Your daughters are beautiful, and as you’ve said PERFECT!
God Bless! Hope all is well 🙂
Kerryn