today was a really good day.
a day where i was completely present.
a day where i felt myself relax and just be.
i didn’t think about the next thing we were going to do.
i didn’t think about tomorrow.
i just breathed in the moment. because it won’t last for long.

lily stayed with her daddy today, so we had a surprise day…just me & my girl.

my first thought was laundry. paint the baseboards in the bathroom. edit photos.

but…no.

today, i was going to be 100% there.

we started with bagels at panera. we talked about life…her & i. like how much i loved her.

then lunch with her grandpa & donna nana where i humbly took in a small fraction of my f.i.l.’s knowledge on the economy…but mainly just marveled at how smart he is.

i thought about going home for a nap.

but…no.

i wasn’t done enjoying my time with her.

so, we went to the bookstore. she napped in her stroller while i leafed through children’s books, rifling through the glossy, colorful new releases in search of the good stuff…the old stuff.

…and our collection grows, one beautiful book at a time:

then it was to the beach…one we never go to…far on the other side of town because it felt like our little secret place today.

i let her run, shirtless and rolled-up jeans. i just followed her…laid in the grass and smiled at her wonderment and happiness with simplicity.

she discovered her shadow today…

…and, upon close examination of it, decided that she’s terrified of it…

a little sand brush-off and a boardwalk sliver-removal later, we landed at the dairy queen downtown. the old a-frame building welcomed us with its creamy twist cone and hot fudge sundae.

after realizing i had an entire pack of pampers clean n’ wipes in my car, i let her have at it. i didn’t rush her or worry about her ever-dripping cone. i let her enjoy it…every sticky clump of soggy cone that fell into her lap and all.

“…you must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” ~henry david thoreau

we messed up our naps today. we didn’t get a lot done. …but i wouldn’t have had it any other way.

…enjoying the this moment things. ~k

our neighborhood which, for the record, is not in Kansas, held its annual halloween children’s shindig today.

…beginning with a parade where littles marched up and down the streets showing off their costumes.
yes, lainey may have been slightly young to really know what it was all about, but we have no problem admitting we shamelessly do this for our own amusement…and the pictures…and the memories.

we started off with latte as our prop toto, but she was barking at all the costumes and spazzing out, so we had to run back and get the back-up toto.

ha…she’s completely unaware in the above pic that there were like three freaky star wars guys looming behind her.

…and we skipped the after party for a nap…because well…there’s no place like home.

…enjoying the dressing-up-is-fun things. ~k

i’ve rewritten this post several times now.

…because i started this blog as creative expression…to get me writing again…to awaken hibernating creative passions…to have a place to put all that stuff in my brain…to document our life…to leave a mark…to…i don’ t know…just throw things out into the beautiful void.

…but then there’s the thought that people actually read this stuff…and what will they think…and am i saying too much….

but i have to let go of what people think…because those thoughts are too constricting. i’m burning that bra. takin’ it off and lettin’ it go.

so, hypothetically braless, what i’ve been thinking today is….

just love.

because i was.
and i’m normal…and i shouldn’t be.

there are years in the past that are such a crazy blur…
pictures of a happy childhood interrupted by a really bad divorce…
and years of sadness…and a whole lot of weird.

…and everyone i know who finally hears the whole backstory always says one thing….”you shouldn’t be normal.”

…but i am. because i was loved…by so, so many. my parents. my siblings. my grandparents. my cousins. my aunts and uncles. my friends.

we’re not like other familes….

…my dad is gay.

…and after that whole revelation hit our family, things just went crazy awry for a long, long time…

…but through it all, we were always, always loved.

…and today, we’re all fine. together. happy. successful. okay. ….loved.

so, i don’t worry much about messing lainey up because i love her.
i love her…
…and brett loves her. and her brothers love her. and our family, our friends…they all just love her. and it’s so liberating and beautiful to raise her just thinking about love…it comes so easy. and i know it’s just gunna get better and better. what a beautiful life…she’ll be just fine. because i am.

just love.
just love.

the rest…it’ll fall into place.

…some random bits & pieces from our normal life…

her brothers taught her a new trick….all they have to say is, “hey lainey…360″…and she smiles and spins circles, over and over and over.

austyn models it first….

…and cubby copies…

…oh this beautiful camera has brought me so much happiness.

normal people wear lipstick, right?

thanking my mom & dad for just loving.

…enjoying the all-about-love things. ~k