This post is another Hallmark sponsored post which, while I’m on it, is really working out to be a great relationship because they throw out a suggestion and it consequently breaks a dam of stuff I’ve already been thinking. I love that this company is supporting writing that doesn’t push a product but rather an idea—a way of life that recognizes the importance of little moments, little people, and moms (and dads!) who make it all happen. Again, they pay me to write these posts but all writing, ideas and opinions are mine. See Hallmark Life is a Special Occasion for more details or sign up for their e-mail messages HERE:
So every time I go to write this post, I just kind of sit there, looking at white screen, imagining my thoughts will string together on their own like toys that put themselves away in Mary Poppins.
I believe that the world is full of good people, good things, and good intentions. I see it every day in the stories I read and people I encounter, and yet I’m privy to the fact that the world has its share of ugly too. Understanding the principle of See Good, Do Good, Be Good is one thing, but teaching it to my children is a harder task to accomplish.
I think about this a lot having girls, especially now that Lainey’s getting closer to kindergarden. It hit me hard last year—this idea of “What am I sending my girls into?”—when my sister shared a story about my niece who was dealing with some mean girl drama at school. Apparently, a girl had left nasty comments on my niece’s Facebook page and arranged a group of classmates to “Like” her mean status. And, let me tell you, when I found out, my first instinct was to get on the next plane to Michigan, march into that school and say some things that can‘t appear in a post associated with Hallmark. You know that Hallmark commercial with the boy and the grandpa and the card and the smiles and the tears? Yeah, this would be nothing like it. Except the tears. There would still be tears.
Okay, I’m kidding but seriously. These constant reminders of the not-so-good that exist light a fire within me. I want to run through village streets, gathering people to march with me. We will raise our fists in the air as we stomp, as we shout: “Empower the children! Empower the children!”
Hey Beautiful Girl, I think you’re fabulous.
Encouraging your kids, shaping them, equipping them with confidence and self-esteem—it’s an intimidating topic. I know how to tape diaper tabs snugly and comfortably, how to feel tiny foreheads for fevers, how to sway an overtired baby into a sleepy trance; but it all pales in comparison to the grander task of raising kids who feel valued and loved, secure in their unique traits and abilities. Ones who will cope with nasty Facebook comments followed by a slew of “Likes” by laughing it off.
What’s up, Big Sister? Have I told you today how much your smile makes me happy?
And more important than taking the defense—protecting my girls from the meanness—is teaching my girls never to be the meanness. I think I’ve always associated the character trait of confidence as input. In other words, the more I praise my girls, tell them they’re great, prove to them they are smart, beautiful, capable, the more confident they will be. More money deposited—bigger bank account.
Kid, I love your determination. Look at you! You’ve figured out how to float…on your own. You go, Girl.
I am realizing though, that so much of confidence is output. Giving to others, complimenting friends, recognizing the strengths and successes of those around us and making efforts to build someone else up. When we do that, we in turn are building our own self-confidence, recognizing our own worth and rising to a new level of possibility.
Baby, you give the best hugs. Seriously.
I’ve found this to be true so much in my own life, a silly experience last year providing the perfect example of how it works. It was the first nasty comment on my blog, its carefully crafted words no doubt left by the world’s most brilliant critic. I don’t remember what it said but I do remember Homeschooled Girl took a punch to the gut. It wasn’t the last of mean comments, but I did learn that a powerful response to someone trying to pull you underwater is to flick them off (like a fly, not a finger. Okay, both) and throw a life raft to someone else. I started leaving anonymous comments to random people—“Your family is beautiful,” “You are an insightful writer,” “Your story made me laugh”—and it was, ironically, so very empowering.
Well, look at my big standing girl. I’m so proud of how hard you are working to learn new things.
There is a yin and yang for everything. Sometimes we get our feelings hurt, sometimes we lose our confidence, sometimes we mess up. The same is true for our children. A big part of parenting is layering love and encouragement, praise and nurture onto our kids. I love that part. It comes easy for me, and I enjoy the challenge of finding creative ways to compliment my kids beyond “You’re cute, you’re smart, you’re funny.” I love to recognize their imaginations, their problem-solving skills, and their creativity.
“Blue cape with orange shirt, Lainey? I love it. I would have never thought to put those two things together, but it looks so awesome on you. You’ve got an eye for fabulousness, Girl.”
Girlfriend, your style is so hip.
In praising the things I love about my girls, I know I am helping build their confidence—constructing bumper pads that will soften the blows of insults and insecurity. They no doubt will know they are loved, they are uniquely wonderful, they are talented and capable.
That look–right there–that’s the one I love. You still look so little.
But rather than focusing so much on protecting my kids from insults, I want to teach them to proactively BE the good. To search out ways to make their friends happy, to let them know they’re special too. Compliment their humor, send them cards, tell them their purple jelly shoes are really awesome. This is such a powerful component of confidence. Output.
I think you’re pretty awesome. And I love your little feet. That is all for now.
I’d love to hear ways in which you’re instilling confidence in your kids, and Hallmark would love to hear them too! If you’d like to share an idea, a story, or a tradition you have in your home that helps encourage your kids, please share in the comments. And if you want some Hallmark love in your e-mail box, sign up HERE or like Hallmark’s Life is a Special Occasion on Facebook HERE.
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~Ghandi
